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The Limerent Mind: How to Permanently Beat Limerence and Shine
This is a completely revamped, updated 2024 version of The Limerent Mind!When I started this project, I knew I was committing to producing something that would render you completely immune to limerence... the most brutal form of unrequited love. As a neuroscientist who used to suffer horrifically from the condition but is now completely free, I want nothing more than for all of you to achieve the same. If you heed the advice in this book and commit to your own expansion, I can guarantee that you will never fall for a limerent object (LO) again.Limerence is possibly the most tenacious, painful behavioural pattern that exists and many people remain trapped in its grips for decades, but only a few weeks/months of implementing the correct thinking patterns can transform your subconscious mind and liberate you. Since it is a multi-faceted, complex phenomenon, we must comprehend every possible facet of limerence and reconcile all of the different ways that we view it. Neurobiology, psychology or spirituality all describe the same feelings in different terms - but what is at the ROOT of this disorder?You will The role that genetics plays in priming you for limerence- The brain regions that activate during limerence, and what this reveals about how to cure it- Dopamine, reward pathways, and the reason why anticipation of future times with this person are so euphoric- Why other people transition into real relationships, yet you attract unrequited love- The four precise psychological causes of limerence- How to discover the precise psychological needs that YOU have but are neglecting (and how to honour them)- How to ascertain which particular beliefs of yours are a). limiting and b). aligning you with limerence- All about common traits that they have, and specific dynamics that limerents end up entertaining with them- Your trigger why do you fall for the people you fall for?- The Law of where spirituality meets science- How to change your beliefs, meet your emotional needs, upgrade your self-concept and heal your trauma which in turn heals your brain, balances your neurotransmitters and promises you permanent emotional freedom- The benefits of being limerence how your obsessive and motivated disposition will make you incredibly successful (far more so than your calmer, more stable friends) once you detach from person addiction and start to live for yourself.Your current reality is just the reflection of your unmet needs, self-image, beliefs, thoughts, and unhealed trauma; change these, and the external world will rearrange in front of your eyes and you will effortlessly attract real, beautiful love. Limerence becomes your norm, but it isn't normal; recovery is essential and non-negotiable. Give yourself your best chance in this life and leave limerence behind now, rather than having to go through this transition in 10 years time. Bliss, clarity and pure, magical abundance awaits you! Plus, someone who's limerence-prone but has *beaten* limerence possesses major advantages in this world, both socially and professionally.The same genetics that let you 'fixate' on an LO render you driven, smart, articulate, intense and passionate. It just takes educating yourself, unsticking your brain and redirecting your inner flame towards wonderful things.This new edition of The Limerent 294 pages, including new psychological techniques to rewire your brain an
163 pages, Kindle Edition
Published June 27, 2020
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Displaying 1 - 13 of 13 reviews
February 20, 2023
This could have been an email.
Lucy Bain outlines 1. What limerence is and how it happens, 2. Why it matters, 3. What to do about it. All of which was quite helpful actually in grounding my own experiences and developing a management plan. All this, however, was scattered among repeated pitches and reminders of her own content. Additionally, she’s a neuroscientist, but there was an interesting amount of pseudoscience sprinkled in — manifesting and whatnot. Made me not want to take things very seriously. Finally, the real person stories were tedious and unhelpful. I didn’t finish them. The one guy in the second or third story was so weird and unlikeable?? Also quite a few typos throughout.
Anyway so I have some good takeaways but I feel like I did waste a lot of time reading this.
Lucy Bain outlines 1. What limerence is and how it happens, 2. Why it matters, 3. What to do about it. All of which was quite helpful actually in grounding my own experiences and developing a management plan. All this, however, was scattered among repeated pitches and reminders of her own content. Additionally, she’s a neuroscientist, but there was an interesting amount of pseudoscience sprinkled in — manifesting and whatnot. Made me not want to take things very seriously. Finally, the real person stories were tedious and unhelpful. I didn’t finish them. The one guy in the second or third story was so weird and unlikeable?? Also quite a few typos throughout.
Anyway so I have some good takeaways but I feel like I did waste a lot of time reading this.
February 12, 2023
The quality of this book is very uneven across chapters, which makes it hard to review. I am glad that some people are finding it useful to get over a heartache or limerence issue. I've tried to put myself in the shoes of someone reading about person or love addiction for the first time and I can see its appeal, as the author touches on the subject from various explanatory perspectives. The author is no Sapolsky (the author of Behave, who she cites as a reference) but I appreciated her intent to lay out the neuroscience of attraction, obsession etc., as well as her references to psychological concepts such as attachment theory. Two things in particular resonated with me: the idea that limerence is the result of a "scarcity" mentality, and the explicit labelling of "unmet needs". This being said, the level of amateurism of the writing, both in style and in substance, regarding the proposed remedies in particular, made reading this book such a drag that I couldn't bring myself to giving it more than two stars. The multiple typos, questionable syntax, and half-baked definitions got me wondering if there had been any type of proofreading before publication. With respect to the remedies (and this is coming from someone who is fairly open to the idea that we are highly suggestible beings whose thoughts matter for our general health, and who is an adept of hypnobirthing for instance), the dogmatic introduction of such a thing as "The Law of Assumption" as a scientific paradigm left me flabbergasted. No matter how much the author flatters the reader and insists on the efficiency of her own techniques and authority, walking the walk, I guess, of "Fake it until you make it", the absence of external credentials, specific footnotes, and supportive data in general, renders the whole effort almost insulting. Some of the handful of added testimonials are interesting and moving but fail to provide any robust evidence that the techniques suggested by the author work in the long term, especially among people past the hormonal and chaotic period of teenage and early adulthood.
October 24, 2023
amazing motivating resource!
Where has this book been my entire adult life?
Such an important work. I finally feel seen, not broken or damaged.
I’ve been struggling silently with this my entire adult life and the 1-2 people I’ve ever described this to made me feel judged, broken and obsessive rather than neurodivergent. this book offers a different perspective on the struggle.
It’s so important to people who are struggling in the middle…I’m there now and was desperate to find a way to feel better. I plowed through this book in one day and it has already changed my life. Gave me the ability to see this from another more self-compassionate perspective and how to unhook from the addiction that feels so real.
My only wish was that there were more examples of personality types that hook you as triggers and what it likely points to as the unmet need.
Oddly from the book, my trigger type is a calm, warm, accepting, non-judgmental, deep listener who wants to protect and makes me feel physically and emotionally safe. Stimulating and calm/warm types who enjoy deep conversations and don’t feel the need to argue when they disagree. Someone who is a family man and dad and is almost as shocked at their attraction to me as I am when the glimmer happens. Because I’m also captain responsible.
Oh and they’re always married. As am I. Guaranteed frustration and inability to have a real relationship and instead get lost in what if fantasies.
Im unclear on my unmet needs that these people come along and temporarily fill; maybe I need to accept myself wholly, allow myself to be more warm and vulnerable and see more value in myself. I’m unclear… I see the path out after finishing this book, but would love more clarity between trigger types and the typical associated unmet needs as I’m struggling with clarity around my exact unmet needs. If I had more clarity on my needs and how to start filling them, I could really feel better so much faster.
Where has this book been my entire adult life?
Such an important work. I finally feel seen, not broken or damaged.
I’ve been struggling silently with this my entire adult life and the 1-2 people I’ve ever described this to made me feel judged, broken and obsessive rather than neurodivergent. this book offers a different perspective on the struggle.
It’s so important to people who are struggling in the middle…I’m there now and was desperate to find a way to feel better. I plowed through this book in one day and it has already changed my life. Gave me the ability to see this from another more self-compassionate perspective and how to unhook from the addiction that feels so real.
My only wish was that there were more examples of personality types that hook you as triggers and what it likely points to as the unmet need.
Oddly from the book, my trigger type is a calm, warm, accepting, non-judgmental, deep listener who wants to protect and makes me feel physically and emotionally safe. Stimulating and calm/warm types who enjoy deep conversations and don’t feel the need to argue when they disagree. Someone who is a family man and dad and is almost as shocked at their attraction to me as I am when the glimmer happens. Because I’m also captain responsible.
Oh and they’re always married. As am I. Guaranteed frustration and inability to have a real relationship and instead get lost in what if fantasies.
Im unclear on my unmet needs that these people come along and temporarily fill; maybe I need to accept myself wholly, allow myself to be more warm and vulnerable and see more value in myself. I’m unclear… I see the path out after finishing this book, but would love more clarity between trigger types and the typical associated unmet needs as I’m struggling with clarity around my exact unmet needs. If I had more clarity on my needs and how to start filling them, I could really feel better so much faster.
October 14, 2023
Writer claims that her tools will cure you of limerence easily and very quickly ,no these tools won't cure you of limerence ,these tools won't even get you out of your limerence episode .I do not understand why writer made such claims ,maybe she does not have limerence or maybe she is attributing causation to some correlation which actually haven't caused the cure, if she is cured congrats to her but no the methods in this book won't cure you.
Limerence comes from really painful experience of childhood i think and if you want to know the reason behind this really painful condition in more detail you might like to read Obsessive love by Susan Forward but no there is no cure offered in that book also in spite the claims.
Limerence comes from really painful experience of childhood i think and if you want to know the reason behind this really painful condition in more detail you might like to read Obsessive love by Susan Forward but no there is no cure offered in that book also in spite the claims.
December 23, 2020
Insightful quick read without the promised how-to
Boy, do I fit the description of someone dealing with a limerent mind. My excitement to have found a book that not only explains the problem clearly but also promises "How to Permanently Beat Limerence..." was great. Alas - the promise remains unfulfilled, as the author barely touches the how-to portion in this short book. Still there is plenty to go on to continue the journey of selfdiscovery and improvement, so not a complete loss - hence the 4 stars
Boy, do I fit the description of someone dealing with a limerent mind. My excitement to have found a book that not only explains the problem clearly but also promises "How to Permanently Beat Limerence..." was great. Alas - the promise remains unfulfilled, as the author barely touches the how-to portion in this short book. Still there is plenty to go on to continue the journey of selfdiscovery and improvement, so not a complete loss - hence the 4 stars
November 14, 2025
Truly great book!
It is great to read a book about limerence where you can feel that the one that has written it, was once limerent as well and so has a lot of empathy and understanding of how it feels like.
I did also talk with my therapist about limerence and about the reasons for limerence this boom states and she agreed.
While I am still not limerence-free but am in the process, I feel like this book has already helped me a lot. I love the new chapter as well, which had the stories of other limerents as I found them quite interesting and often very relatable.
It is great to read a book about limerence where you can feel that the one that has written it, was once limerent as well and so has a lot of empathy and understanding of how it feels like.
I did also talk with my therapist about limerence and about the reasons for limerence this boom states and she agreed.
While I am still not limerence-free but am in the process, I feel like this book has already helped me a lot. I love the new chapter as well, which had the stories of other limerents as I found them quite interesting and often very relatable.
August 27, 2022
An interesting area re psychology and unfathomably lacking as a subject on psychotherapy courses given so many of us have experienced this at some point in our lives....
Thorough and well written. Not sure I agree with pathologising such a commonplace experience although I think the author was trying focusing on the more extreme end of the experience. Some good tools though on changing beliefs.
Thorough and well written. Not sure I agree with pathologising such a commonplace experience although I think the author was trying focusing on the more extreme end of the experience. Some good tools though on changing beliefs.
May 13, 2021
Recommend!
Amazing book. Very in depth and hopefully with adopting to the techniques to require my subconscious, I’ll overcome this. I’m just grateful this was suggested in a Reddit forum.
Amazing book. Very in depth and hopefully with adopting to the techniques to require my subconscious, I’ll overcome this. I’m just grateful this was suggested in a Reddit forum.
November 26, 2025
Interesting that this book put the treatment upfront instead of at the end. But at least they suggested a treatment.
A bit repetitive. A boring chapter about neurotransmitters as the author is a neuroscientist.
A bit repetitive. A boring chapter about neurotransmitters as the author is a neuroscientist.
September 12, 2020
Fascinating read, covers tonnes of psychology + neuroscience and all the practical advice you need to actually rewire your brain and change. Great.
February 6, 2025
I haven't read this useful of a book in a very long time. I'm glad to have an explanation, which also makes me know I'm not the only person in the world. Now I just hope to make the content stick.
March 19, 2025
This book changed my life forever💘 this is something that I rarely can say. Read this book and look for signs that you’re limerent, it stops you more than you think!!!
December 31, 2021
A lot of my girlfriends call themselves crazy or others use that word too. It's not "crazy" rather it may just a chemical reaction / fusion that makes us obsess over certain LOs.
Displaying 1 - 13 of 13 reviews