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Connect: Building Exceptional Relationships with Family, Friends, and Colleagues
A transformative guide to building more fulfilling relationships with colleagues, friends, partners, and family, based on the landmark Interpersonal Dynamics (“Touchy-Feely”) course at Stanford’s Graduate School of Business
ONE OF BLOOMBERG ’S BEST BOOKS OF THE YEAR • “Carole Robin and David Bradford are masters at helping people bring IQ and EQ together to satisfy both and be successful.”—Ray Dalio, founder of Bridgewater and author of Life and Work
The ability to create strong relationships with others is crucial to living a full life and becoming more effective at work. Yet many of us find ourselves struggling to build solid personal and professional connections or unable to handle challenges that inevitably arise when we grow closer to others. When we find ourselves in an exceptional relationship—the kind of relationship in which we feel fully understood and supported for who we are—it can seem like magic. But the truth is that the process of building and sustaining these relationships can be described, learned, and applied.
David Bradford and Carole Robin taught interpersonal skills to MBA candidates for a combined seventy-five years in their legendary Stanford Graduate School of Business course Interpersonal Dynamics (affectionately known to generations of students as “Touchy-Feely”) and have coached and consulted hundreds of executives for decades. In Connect , they show readers how to take their relationships from shallow to exceptional by cultivating authenticity, vulnerability, and honesty, while being willing to ask for and offer help, share a commitment to growth, and deal productively with conflict.
Filled with relatable scenarios and research-backed insights, Connect is an important resource for anyone hoping to improve existing relationships and build new ones at any stage of life.
ONE OF BLOOMBERG ’S BEST BOOKS OF THE YEAR • “Carole Robin and David Bradford are masters at helping people bring IQ and EQ together to satisfy both and be successful.”—Ray Dalio, founder of Bridgewater and author of Life and Work
The ability to create strong relationships with others is crucial to living a full life and becoming more effective at work. Yet many of us find ourselves struggling to build solid personal and professional connections or unable to handle challenges that inevitably arise when we grow closer to others. When we find ourselves in an exceptional relationship—the kind of relationship in which we feel fully understood and supported for who we are—it can seem like magic. But the truth is that the process of building and sustaining these relationships can be described, learned, and applied.
David Bradford and Carole Robin taught interpersonal skills to MBA candidates for a combined seventy-five years in their legendary Stanford Graduate School of Business course Interpersonal Dynamics (affectionately known to generations of students as “Touchy-Feely”) and have coached and consulted hundreds of executives for decades. In Connect , they show readers how to take their relationships from shallow to exceptional by cultivating authenticity, vulnerability, and honesty, while being willing to ask for and offer help, share a commitment to growth, and deal productively with conflict.
Filled with relatable scenarios and research-backed insights, Connect is an important resource for anyone hoping to improve existing relationships and build new ones at any stage of life.
320 pages, Hardcover
Published February 9, 2021
1057 people are currently reading
9090 people want to read
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September 20, 2025
Authors David Bradford and Carole Robin facilitate a popular business course at the Stanford Graduate School of Business called Interpersonal Dynamics. They've extrapolated the fundamentals from their course into this book. They posit that exceptional interpersonal relationships can be achieved.
Six hallmarks of an exceptional relationship (from page 4 of the book):
1. You can be more fully yourself, and so can the other person.
2. Both of you are willing to be vulnerable.
3. You can trust that self-disclosures will not be used against you.
4. You can be honest with each other.
5. You deal with conflict productively.
6. Both of you are committed to each other's growth and development.
Some key takeaways on how to build to these levels of relationships:
*Practice self-disclosing to another about 15% outside of the wall of your comfort zone.
*Don't rush to judgement when listening to others but have a sense of curiosity and be willing to ask questions to clarify or to invite a deeper conversation to commence.
*Practicing empathy to more fully know another and to have them more fully know you. Ask open-ended questions.
*Give behavioral-structured feedback instead of a "feedback sandwich" (which consists of starting with positive reinforcement and then commencing with the negative or criticality constructive feedback and ending with positive reinforcement.)
*Conflict is a normal part of relationships and need not be destructive. Difficult issues can be discussed and resolved using the feedback model, thus deepening the relationship.
*Pinches and Crunches: it's better to address a conflict when it's at the level of a bother or annoyance (a pinch) versus waiting until the problem becomes a huge issue that brings higher levels of emotion (a crunch).
*Not every relationship will reach the 'exceptional' level and that is okay.
The title of this book, combined with some great reviews by GR friends, drew me in. I specifically wanted to read this book as over the past year my social circle has expanded pretty rapidly. I want to do the very best that I can in building and nurturing these newer but valued relationships.
I recommend this book highly to those who enjoy reading about interpersonal communications and relationships.
Six hallmarks of an exceptional relationship (from page 4 of the book):
1. You can be more fully yourself, and so can the other person.
2. Both of you are willing to be vulnerable.
3. You can trust that self-disclosures will not be used against you.
4. You can be honest with each other.
5. You deal with conflict productively.
6. Both of you are committed to each other's growth and development.
Some key takeaways on how to build to these levels of relationships:
*Practice self-disclosing to another about 15% outside of the wall of your comfort zone.
*Don't rush to judgement when listening to others but have a sense of curiosity and be willing to ask questions to clarify or to invite a deeper conversation to commence.
*Practicing empathy to more fully know another and to have them more fully know you. Ask open-ended questions.
*Give behavioral-structured feedback instead of a "feedback sandwich" (which consists of starting with positive reinforcement and then commencing with the negative or criticality constructive feedback and ending with positive reinforcement.)
*Conflict is a normal part of relationships and need not be destructive. Difficult issues can be discussed and resolved using the feedback model, thus deepening the relationship.
*Pinches and Crunches: it's better to address a conflict when it's at the level of a bother or annoyance (a pinch) versus waiting until the problem becomes a huge issue that brings higher levels of emotion (a crunch).
*Not every relationship will reach the 'exceptional' level and that is okay.
The title of this book, combined with some great reviews by GR friends, drew me in. I specifically wanted to read this book as over the past year my social circle has expanded pretty rapidly. I want to do the very best that I can in building and nurturing these newer but valued relationships.
I recommend this book highly to those who enjoy reading about interpersonal communications and relationships.
Want to read
February 9, 2021Context: Reading this as a part of an effort to be more open-minded, and less reactive to new ideas. I listened to the author on a Clubhouse session, and found this bit insightful
“Understand people’s experiences. Suspend judgement long enough to understand why a person thinks or feels the way they do. You can retroactively pass judge the quality and validity of their idea/experience — but be open at the point you’re being exposed to another perspective”
Looking forward to digging into this with an open mind. Will update if it was useful to me after reading.
“Understand people’s experiences. Suspend judgement long enough to understand why a person thinks or feels the way they do. You can retroactively pass judge the quality and validity of their idea/experience — but be open at the point you’re being exposed to another perspective”
Looking forward to digging into this with an open mind. Will update if it was useful to me after reading.
February 3, 2021
'Connect' confounded my expectations that the content would focus on things like being as solicitous towards friends and family as possible. Actually, it focuses primarily on the points when relationships reach conflicts. How to identify and address a smaller conflict before it builds up to a more difficult one; how to manage those more difficult conflicts; and how to come away feeling stronger together after addressing a conflict in a relationship.
What is particularly helpful about the book is its inclusion of fictional and real accounts of conversations between people that are characterised by conflict. This allowed a "deep dive" into the book's advice and removed any sense of abstractedness. The authors themselves were candid in sharing their own mistakes and learning moments over the years.
I really hope I retain the important points raised in this book. I certainly learned new things, or at least, things I hadn't actively considered before. For example, whenever you're in a heated exchange, don't "go over the net" in ascribing intentions and beliefs to the other person; you can never know what's in their head. Stick to your own feelings, and how the person's behaviour has affected you, regardless of their intent.
I plan to be more mindful of my choice of words and thinking patterns whenever I find myself in that kind of situation in future. However, I chose not to engage more fully with the book, which at the end of each chapter suggests reaching out to someone in your life who you'd like to deepen your connection with and discuss what you've learned. I'd rather my learning come out organically, and also, in a pandemic where I am cut off from my close friends and family, it can be harder to have those kinds of conversations online, and it's telling that the stories in the book all take place in person.
That leads me onto my main negative point about the book - with the pandemic, it feels less relevant. The authors/publisher have had ample time to thread in something about how to negotiate and strengthen relationships during this stressful, constraining, and isolating time. But there's no mention of the pandemic at all. I get that they want to future-proof the book, but also, Covid-19 is going to change some things forever. At the very least, I would've loved to see a final additional chapter containing the authors' reflections on how to adapt their advice to living and loving in this bitter time.
(With thanks to Penguin and NetGalley for this ebook in exchange for an honest review)
What is particularly helpful about the book is its inclusion of fictional and real accounts of conversations between people that are characterised by conflict. This allowed a "deep dive" into the book's advice and removed any sense of abstractedness. The authors themselves were candid in sharing their own mistakes and learning moments over the years.
I really hope I retain the important points raised in this book. I certainly learned new things, or at least, things I hadn't actively considered before. For example, whenever you're in a heated exchange, don't "go over the net" in ascribing intentions and beliefs to the other person; you can never know what's in their head. Stick to your own feelings, and how the person's behaviour has affected you, regardless of their intent.
I plan to be more mindful of my choice of words and thinking patterns whenever I find myself in that kind of situation in future. However, I chose not to engage more fully with the book, which at the end of each chapter suggests reaching out to someone in your life who you'd like to deepen your connection with and discuss what you've learned. I'd rather my learning come out organically, and also, in a pandemic where I am cut off from my close friends and family, it can be harder to have those kinds of conversations online, and it's telling that the stories in the book all take place in person.
That leads me onto my main negative point about the book - with the pandemic, it feels less relevant. The authors/publisher have had ample time to thread in something about how to negotiate and strengthen relationships during this stressful, constraining, and isolating time. But there's no mention of the pandemic at all. I get that they want to future-proof the book, but also, Covid-19 is going to change some things forever. At the very least, I would've loved to see a final additional chapter containing the authors' reflections on how to adapt their advice to living and loving in this bitter time.
(With thanks to Penguin and NetGalley for this ebook in exchange for an honest review)
February 23, 2025
David Bradford and Carole Robin developed and taught a Stanford graduate school of business course called Interpersonal Dynamics (and nicknamed "Touchy-Feely") for several decades between the two of them. In Connect, they distill and share key messages of this course in navigating challenges in interpersonal relationships both in business and personal settings.
One of the central themes of the book is that we often perceive it to be risky, uncomfortable, unnecessarily confrontational, and/or not worthwhile to raise minor grievances with other people, so we brush them under the rug and continue the relationship as usual -- however, Bradford and Robin advocate for raising these issues using non-accusatory language while issues are still recent and their magnitudes are small to avoid having these problems foment and end relationships, or even just to prevent relationships from deepening. I admit I'm guilty of this often in many of my own personal and professional relationships, and indeed, it prevents relationships from deepening and often leads to them fading out.
Bradford and Robin also talk about how to take a relationship from superficial to substantial. They give the analogy of concentric rings, where the innermost ring contains very private, vulnerable aspects of ourselves we're unlikely to share with anyone but our closest friends or family, the outermost ring contains things we wouldn't mind total strangers knowing about us, and a middle ring in between containing topics that are somewhat vulnerable or personal but that we're generally OK with select others knowing. The authors advocate for strategically dipping into the middle ring early in relationship building and seeing if the other person reciprocates with curiosity or their own sharing.
Throughout the book, the authors present various vignettes from fictional friends, family members, and romantic partners working through interpersonal issues either well or not well. I enjoyed these stories and found them relatable. The authors also share details of a complicated incident involving academic politics that almost ended their productive collaboration, which is told in a very nuanced, yet relatable way (to me, as a fellow academic).
I personally found this book very helpful, hence my rare 5-star designation. I prefer it to David Brooks' book on a similar topic, How to Know a Person: The Art of Seeing Others Deeply and Being Deeply Seen.
My statistics:
Book 61 for 2025
Book 1987 cumulatively
One of the central themes of the book is that we often perceive it to be risky, uncomfortable, unnecessarily confrontational, and/or not worthwhile to raise minor grievances with other people, so we brush them under the rug and continue the relationship as usual -- however, Bradford and Robin advocate for raising these issues using non-accusatory language while issues are still recent and their magnitudes are small to avoid having these problems foment and end relationships, or even just to prevent relationships from deepening. I admit I'm guilty of this often in many of my own personal and professional relationships, and indeed, it prevents relationships from deepening and often leads to them fading out.
Bradford and Robin also talk about how to take a relationship from superficial to substantial. They give the analogy of concentric rings, where the innermost ring contains very private, vulnerable aspects of ourselves we're unlikely to share with anyone but our closest friends or family, the outermost ring contains things we wouldn't mind total strangers knowing about us, and a middle ring in between containing topics that are somewhat vulnerable or personal but that we're generally OK with select others knowing. The authors advocate for strategically dipping into the middle ring early in relationship building and seeing if the other person reciprocates with curiosity or their own sharing.
Throughout the book, the authors present various vignettes from fictional friends, family members, and romantic partners working through interpersonal issues either well or not well. I enjoyed these stories and found them relatable. The authors also share details of a complicated incident involving academic politics that almost ended their productive collaboration, which is told in a very nuanced, yet relatable way (to me, as a fellow academic).
I personally found this book very helpful, hence my rare 5-star designation. I prefer it to David Brooks' book on a similar topic, How to Know a Person: The Art of Seeing Others Deeply and Being Deeply Seen.
My statistics:
Book 61 for 2025
Book 1987 cumulatively
March 9, 2021
This one took me long than expected to read. Setting out the principles and concepts explored in Stanford's Interpersonal Dynamics course, which Bradford and Robin were instrumental in developing, this is a book that leads the reader in detail through what it takes to make a relationships exceptional. Why it took me so long to read was that I wanted to think about each chapter. I came away from each sitting of reading this wanting to really think about what I'd learned, how I might apply it and who I might apply it with. I was challenging myself as a result of what I'd read.
For that reason, this isn't a book to be picked up as a light-hearted 'self-help' read in the vein of a 'here's what I've learned in my life that you might apply to yours'. This is almost academic in its rigour and it beats with the years of experience the authors have in delivering the course and in building exceptional relationships themselves.
It's 4 stars for me, I'd recommend sitting down and really reading this carefully - it's worth it.
For that reason, this isn't a book to be picked up as a light-hearted 'self-help' read in the vein of a 'here's what I've learned in my life that you might apply to yours'. This is almost academic in its rigour and it beats with the years of experience the authors have in delivering the course and in building exceptional relationships themselves.
It's 4 stars for me, I'd recommend sitting down and really reading this carefully - it's worth it.
April 11, 2022
กว่าจะอ่านจบ
ในฐานะของคนที่ไม่เคยอ่านแนวพัฒนาชีวิตเลย เล่มนี้ถือว่าเขียนดีเลย เน้นปฏิบัติมากกว่าทฤษฎีโดย ยกตัวอย่างเหตุการณ์การขัดแย้งจากคู่ๆหนึ่งขึ้นมา(พ่อ-ลูก, เพื่อนที่ทำงาน, อดีตเพื่อนสนิทวัยเรียน)แล้วก็ตบท้ายด้วยคำแนะนำว่าทำไมพวกเค้าถึงพลาด และทำยังไงถึงจะแก้ไขมัน คำแนะนำหลักๆที่จำได้อยู่ก็น่าจะประมาณ
-ไม่ควรจะโต้ตอบปัญหาหรือเรื่องขัดแย้งด้วยการ “ตีความ” จุดประสงค์ของอีกฝ่าย แต่ให้มองแค่ “การกระทำ” ก็พอ นึกภาพtennis courtดู เราควรจะพูดถึงแค่ความรู้สึกของเรา กับการกระทำที่อีกฝ่ายทำ(ตาข่าย)ก็พอ ง่ายๆคืออย่าข้ามเส้น
-การสานสัมพันธ์หรือแก้ปัญหาที่ดีควรที่ตอบสนองด้วยอารมณ์ร่วมมากกว่าใช้เหตุผล(ให้คำแนะนำอะไรงี้) เพราะบางทีคนบางคนมันแค่อยากบ่นโว้ยยยย
-การเงียบจะกลายเป็นทำให้อีกฝั่งตีความเราผิดๆเอง
ประเด็นคือทั้งหมดที่จำได้เอาไปใช้ไหมอีกเรื่อง555555
แต่ข้อน่าผิดหวังของเรื่องนี้ก็มี คือบังเอิญตอนนั้นผมเห็นชื่อหนังสือมันใช่โดนใจสุดๆก็เลยไม่รีรอ ซื้อเลย เรื่องย่อหลังปกอะไรช่างมัน
สรุปแม่งไม่ใช่แบบที่คิดว่ะ5555555
คือหนังสือเรื่องนี้ให้เราคิดว่าเรากับ[insert someone]เนี้ยจะต้องปีนเขาฝ่าอุปสรรค800อย่างไปด้วยกันและจะทำยังไงให้ผ่านไปได้ แต่ประเด็นคือมันแสดงว่าเรากับsomeoneต้องรู้จักกันมาระดับหนึ่งแล้วดิ ถึงจะมาขึ้นเขาด้วยกัน อ่าวแล้วถ้าผมอยากรู้วิธี “ชวนใครซักคนให้เค้ายอมขึ้นภูเขาไปด้วยกัน” แล้วผมจะหาอ่านจากไหนนนนนนนน เอาไป4ดาวพอ
ในฐานะของคนที่ไม่เคยอ่านแนวพัฒนาชีวิตเลย เล่มนี้ถือว่าเขียนดีเลย เน้นปฏิบัติมากกว่าทฤษฎีโดย ยกตัวอย่างเหตุการณ์การขัดแย้งจากคู่ๆหนึ่งขึ้นมา(พ่อ-ลูก, เพื่อนที่ทำงาน, อดีตเพื่อนสนิทวัยเรียน)แล้วก็ตบท้ายด้วยคำแนะนำว่าทำไมพวกเค้าถึงพลาด และทำยังไงถึงจะแก้ไขมัน คำแนะนำหลักๆที่จำได้อยู่ก็น่าจะประมาณ
-ไม่ควรจะโต้ตอบปัญหาหรือเรื่องขัดแย้งด้วยการ “ตีความ” จุดประสงค์ของอีกฝ่าย แต่ให้มองแค่ “การกระทำ” ก็พอ นึกภาพtennis courtดู เราควรจะพูดถึงแค่ความรู้สึกของเรา กับการกระทำที่อีกฝ่ายทำ(ตาข่าย)ก็พอ ง่ายๆคืออย่าข้ามเส้น
-การสานสัมพันธ์หรือแก้ปัญหาที่ดีควรที่ตอบสนองด้วยอารมณ์ร่วมมากกว่าใช้เหตุผล(ให้คำแนะนำอะไรงี้) เพราะบางทีคนบางคนมันแค่อยากบ่นโว้ยยยย
-การเงียบจะกลายเป็นทำให้อีกฝั่งตีความเราผิดๆเอง
ประเด็นคือทั้งหมดที่จำได้เอาไปใช้ไหมอีกเรื่อง555555
แต่ข้อน่าผิดหวังของเรื่องนี้ก็มี คือบังเอิญตอนนั้นผมเห็นชื่อหนังสือมันใช่โดนใจสุดๆก็เลยไม่รีรอ ซื้อเลย เรื่องย่อหลังปกอะไรช่างมัน
สรุปแม่งไม่ใช่แบบที่คิดว่ะ5555555
คือหนังสือเรื่องนี้ให้เราคิดว่าเรากับ[insert someone]เนี้ยจะต้องปีนเขาฝ่าอุปสรรค800อย่างไปด้วยกันและจะทำยังไงให้ผ่านไปได้ แต่ประเด็นคือมันแสดงว่าเรากับsomeoneต้องรู้จักกันมาระดับหนึ่งแล้วดิ ถึงจะมาขึ้นเขาด้วยกัน อ่าวแล้วถ้าผมอยากรู้วิธี “ชวนใครซักคนให้เค้ายอมขึ้นภูเขาไปด้วยกัน” แล้วผมจะหาอ่านจากไหนนนนนนนน เอาไป4ดาวพอ
March 21, 2021
A book about building strong and balanced human relationships without the mentioning of any psychopathy as narcissism, sociopathy and borderline disorder(human that have no empathy and cannot reciprocate kindness/favor)... is quite useless, in my opinion.
July 20, 2023
I love learning about relationships so this book was right up my alley. It gave me a lot of helpful advice and insights to think about.
January 30, 2021
Written by the masters of a landmark Stanford University course on interpersonal skills I had high hopes for this book, but I'm afraid for me this might be an example of how very effective courses don't always translate into great books. The advice on how to build exceptional relationships is good, capturing modern insights on the importance of developing a growth mindset, the power of vulnerability and how to approach conflict. However, I didn't find the book that enjoyable to read as pages were filled with examples of dialogue demonstrating good and bad approaches, and there were attempts to quantify feelings in percentage terms that just didn't work for me. I can see how the book would be suited to business students, or left-brained thinkers, who might connect better with the book's logical approach.
April 23, 2021
Highly recommend this book as required reading for all humans. Written by the professors who teach Stanford Business School’s #1 most popular class, it offers transformative information on interpersonal skills. Covers everything from how to take a superficial relationship deeper to how to approach conflict. Amazing read!
January 25, 2024
Such a great and clear book on how grow and have healthy interpersonal relationships in all aspects of life. The book was an enjoyable read and gave a lot of practical tools of how to engage in conflict in loving and healthy ways — and the importance of going to those difficult places so that the relationship can grow.
April 29, 2024
In a way this book did not meet my expectations. And no, it also didn’t EXCEED my expectations, oh ha-ha. To be honest, I was hoping for a quick n dirty toolkit for having more meaningful interactions. Instead, all I got was this lousy realization that human connection is messy, scary and devoid of all shortcuts. Did I apply the learnings within my key relationships after each chapter to further my mastery on the subject of human connection as the authors intended? No. Absolutely not. Fuck no. Much too terrifying. Was this reluctance in itself a lesson worth learning? *Shuffles feet, kicks gravel* Maybe.
June 16, 2023
Exceptional relationships - something so deep that it feels almost magical.
September 18, 2022
Perkara komunikasi ((aja)) sebenarnya nggak mudah, lho!
Balik dari cuti tipis-tipis di Surabaya, aku makin merasa butuh terkoneksi lebih dalam dengan @hasyemiraws . Makanya, aku langsung teringat buku Connect yang ku beli di @konyv_ (plus rekomendasi dari @imgriss ).
Apakah aku mendapatkan yg aku cari? Lebih-lebih malah. Yang semula aku pikir hanya sebatas untuk hubungan romantis, ternyata melampaui itu. Anak judulnya terbukti bukan tipu-tipu. Sebab, sepanjang aku membacanya, malah rasanya aku bisa menggunakan beberapa saran dalam konteks profesional. Salah satunya dengan atasan.
Connect menegaskan pentingnya empati, simpati, dan EQ atau kecerdasan emosional. Seperti misalnya, kita nggak bisa ujug-ujug terbuka dg kolega tanpa memperhatikan hal-hal yg sifatnya mutual. Nggak bisa juga asal ngomong dg partner (termasuk yg sudah lama menikah) tanpa memahami titik "balance"-nya.
Salah satu teori yg nyangkut di kepalaku sejak awal: expanding our comfort zone 15% per step. Maksudnya, jangan buru-buru jadi open book. Cicil aja 15% dengan catatan, kita udah melihat adanya respon mutual dg lawan bicara.
Buku ini disampaikan melalui. studi kasus yg relate dg kehidupan nyata. Teori yg disampaikan nggak sulit buat dipahami karena bahasanya ngalir & gampang dicerna. Setiap babnya ditutup dg simpulan & take away notes.
Kayaknya, selain mengetahui gaya komunikasi lawan bicara kita juga perlu tahu pendekatan yg sesuai. Connect membahasnya dg apik. Ya nggak salah kalau ratingnya cukup tinggi. Nggak heran juga kalau Griss juga pernah bilang Connect merupakan salah satu buku terbaik yg dibaca pada 2022.
Buku ini bisa untuk siapapun. Ehem, tapi kalau saranku sih, bisa buat bos-bos biar nggak jadi atasan rese aja sih 👀 hehe.
Balik dari cuti tipis-tipis di Surabaya, aku makin merasa butuh terkoneksi lebih dalam dengan @hasyemiraws . Makanya, aku langsung teringat buku Connect yang ku beli di @konyv_ (plus rekomendasi dari @imgriss ).
Apakah aku mendapatkan yg aku cari? Lebih-lebih malah. Yang semula aku pikir hanya sebatas untuk hubungan romantis, ternyata melampaui itu. Anak judulnya terbukti bukan tipu-tipu. Sebab, sepanjang aku membacanya, malah rasanya aku bisa menggunakan beberapa saran dalam konteks profesional. Salah satunya dengan atasan.
Connect menegaskan pentingnya empati, simpati, dan EQ atau kecerdasan emosional. Seperti misalnya, kita nggak bisa ujug-ujug terbuka dg kolega tanpa memperhatikan hal-hal yg sifatnya mutual. Nggak bisa juga asal ngomong dg partner (termasuk yg sudah lama menikah) tanpa memahami titik "balance"-nya.
Salah satu teori yg nyangkut di kepalaku sejak awal: expanding our comfort zone 15% per step. Maksudnya, jangan buru-buru jadi open book. Cicil aja 15% dengan catatan, kita udah melihat adanya respon mutual dg lawan bicara.
Buku ini disampaikan melalui. studi kasus yg relate dg kehidupan nyata. Teori yg disampaikan nggak sulit buat dipahami karena bahasanya ngalir & gampang dicerna. Setiap babnya ditutup dg simpulan & take away notes.
Kayaknya, selain mengetahui gaya komunikasi lawan bicara kita juga perlu tahu pendekatan yg sesuai. Connect membahasnya dg apik. Ya nggak salah kalau ratingnya cukup tinggi. Nggak heran juga kalau Griss juga pernah bilang Connect merupakan salah satu buku terbaik yg dibaca pada 2022.
Buku ini bisa untuk siapapun. Ehem, tapi kalau saranku sih, bisa buat bos-bos biar nggak jadi atasan rese aja sih 👀 hehe.
January 23, 2025
This book lays out tactics to take your relationships - from partners, to family, friends and coworkers - from average to "exceptional" which is "characterized by truth-telling, honesty, and investment in each other's learning and growth".
I don't read a lot of self-help because I tend to find most books in this genre filled with pop-psychology. Or they focus only on relationships in a work-setting where most of the points are relatively obvious. But this book is different in an exceptional way!
This really breaks down the roots of conflict and gives real recommendations on how to work through conflict to build better relationships. This is done with easy to understand language that is not marred with pop-psychology cutesy phrases. They also provide helpful examples that break down concepts they are trying to teach.
Regarding the pace of the book, I found this easy to read and finished it quickly but it is a manual you need to take time with. The concepts and exercises in this book make sense in a course setting where you have the time to reflect and practice each concept, but is harder to apply in real-life and real-time as you read through the book. My approach to this tension was to read through the book now and try to apply the exercises from each chapter, but one week at a time. This allows plenty of time for reflection and learning without jarring the people I want to form closer relationships with.
Overall, I'm shocked at how helpful I think this book will be to my life and will be recommending it to all of my friends and family.
I don't read a lot of self-help because I tend to find most books in this genre filled with pop-psychology. Or they focus only on relationships in a work-setting where most of the points are relatively obvious. But this book is different in an exceptional way!
This really breaks down the roots of conflict and gives real recommendations on how to work through conflict to build better relationships. This is done with easy to understand language that is not marred with pop-psychology cutesy phrases. They also provide helpful examples that break down concepts they are trying to teach.
Regarding the pace of the book, I found this easy to read and finished it quickly but it is a manual you need to take time with. The concepts and exercises in this book make sense in a course setting where you have the time to reflect and practice each concept, but is harder to apply in real-life and real-time as you read through the book. My approach to this tension was to read through the book now and try to apply the exercises from each chapter, but one week at a time. This allows plenty of time for reflection and learning without jarring the people I want to form closer relationships with.
Overall, I'm shocked at how helpful I think this book will be to my life and will be recommending it to all of my friends and family.
February 24, 2025
Does it actually help somebody? Anybody? It felt like being seated in a room where therapy takes place and you're forced to listen to these various melodramatic people talking about their various boring ass problems and you just can't make yourself give a flying fuck.
Also, what the fuck are these tips when trying to make a relationship work better? When giving disclosure to the opposing party, disclose only 15% of what you want to disclose. When feeling like you're being heard, disclose further 15%. Is my brain full of sliders and excel cells? What the fuck are trying to say by including a table of words and their "warmth"? Oh no, I've said the word "isolated" which is in the strong intensity row, I prolly should have used the word "alienated" from the moderate intensity row, that would prevent the whole fucking thing!
It originally being a collage course, I can imagine (not really) this working better when interacting face to face, reading it in the book format felt like a long, bad and boring joke.
Also, what the fuck are these tips when trying to make a relationship work better? When giving disclosure to the opposing party, disclose only 15% of what you want to disclose. When feeling like you're being heard, disclose further 15%. Is my brain full of sliders and excel cells? What the fuck are trying to say by including a table of words and their "warmth"? Oh no, I've said the word "isolated" which is in the strong intensity row, I prolly should have used the word "alienated" from the moderate intensity row, that would prevent the whole fucking thing!
It originally being a collage course, I can imagine (not really) this working better when interacting face to face, reading it in the book format felt like a long, bad and boring joke.
July 28, 2024
There are some fantastic insights on how to have better conversations about your feelings and give actionable feedback. The example stories make the book feel slower but overall I learned a lot I can apply in my everyday relationships.
April 6, 2022
Really interesting book - David and Carole focus on the psychology of relationships as much as the emotion. Lots of powerful insights that can definitely be applied in everyday scenarios. Especially loved the segments on de-escalating arguments, through pinpointing behavior as feedback; we are especially sensitive if thoughts are made to be opinionated takes, as opposed to curios call-outs.
December 9, 2021
Заслужава си дори само заради главата за даване на обратна връзка
April 8, 2021
Best book I’ve read in 2021 thus far; it left me feeling empowered! Highly recommend this read to build meaningful and exceptional connections with the people in your life.
January 18, 2023
3.5 stars. This book seemed to be more focused on problem-solving in relationships rather than providing the groundwork to develop the best of relationships with new or old acquaintances. It's based on the famous Stanford course on the topic, and relies quite heavily on sample dialogues/relationships for the reader to evaluate and consider improved methods of communication. Very much not what I'm expecting, but likely an excellent book for anyone looking to mend a troubled relationship, across friends, family, or colleagues.
February 25, 2021
Carole’s Interpersonal Dynamics class was the best class of my life. The communication techniques and frameworks have really transformed my relationships and massively improved by leadership style. I’m thrilled everyone now has an opportunity to benefit from her teachings. This book is well-crafted and gives practical tips on how to communicate authentically with an appropriate level of vulnerability and how to manage conflict. Highly recommend!
September 12, 2024
This is the GOATed interpersonal dynamics book. Brought up so many immediately useful and insightful points and then actually talked about __how__ to communicate in great depth. Loved the points about what constitutes a feeling and not being “over the net” particularly. Somehow she even made the examples seem semi-real
Can see why her class is so legendary
Can see why her class is so legendary
December 7, 2020
Connect offers practical insights into relationship building through compelling and highly accessible story telling. This should be required reading in both personal and professional environments, Connect will be sitting on my shelves ready to be shared with my friends.
December 15, 2023
As far as books in this genre go , it is EXCEPTIONALLY real! It is a transformative guide to fostering deeper and more meaningful connections in all aspects of your life. Drawing from their extensive experience teaching the legendary Interpersonal Dynamics course at Stanford Graduate School of Business, Bradford and Robin offer practical tools and exercises to help readers move beyond superficial interactions and cultivate authentic, trusting relationships. The book is divided into four parts, each focusing on a key aspect of relational excellence:
Part 1: The Foundation of Connection lays the groundwork by exploring the importance of self-awareness, vulnerability, and empathy.
Part 2: Building Trust and Intimacy delves into the nuances of communication, conflict resolution, and offering and receiving support.
Part 3: Nurturing Growth and Development emphasizes the importance of continuous learning, feedback, and adaptability in relationships.
Part 4: Maintaining Connection Across Distance and Time provides strategies for staying connected in today's fast-paced world, where physical distance and busy schedules can pose challenges.
The authors avoid jargon and complex theories, instead presenting their insights in a clear, concise, and engaging manner. They generously share personal anecdotes and case studies that illustrate their points and make the book relatable to readers of all backgrounds. Another noteworthy aspect is the emphasis on action. Each chapter concludes with practical exercises and prompts that encourage readers to reflect on their own relationships and implement the book's teachings in their daily lives. Whether it's practicing active listening, expressing appreciation, or setting healthy boundaries, "Connect" provides a roadmap for navigating the complexities of human connection. While the book primarily focuses on personal relationships, the principles outlined can be readily applied to professional settings as well. Leaders and team members alike can benefit from learning how to build trust, communicate effectively, and resolve conflict constructively. Overall, "Connect" is an insightful and valuable resource for anyone seeking to strengthen their relationships and create a more fulfilling life. Whether you're looking to deepen connections with loved ones, improve your communication skills at work, or simply build a more robust social network, this book offers a wealth of practical wisdom and actionable advice.
Part 1: The Foundation of Connection lays the groundwork by exploring the importance of self-awareness, vulnerability, and empathy.
Part 2: Building Trust and Intimacy delves into the nuances of communication, conflict resolution, and offering and receiving support.
Part 3: Nurturing Growth and Development emphasizes the importance of continuous learning, feedback, and adaptability in relationships.
Part 4: Maintaining Connection Across Distance and Time provides strategies for staying connected in today's fast-paced world, where physical distance and busy schedules can pose challenges.
The authors avoid jargon and complex theories, instead presenting their insights in a clear, concise, and engaging manner. They generously share personal anecdotes and case studies that illustrate their points and make the book relatable to readers of all backgrounds. Another noteworthy aspect is the emphasis on action. Each chapter concludes with practical exercises and prompts that encourage readers to reflect on their own relationships and implement the book's teachings in their daily lives. Whether it's practicing active listening, expressing appreciation, or setting healthy boundaries, "Connect" provides a roadmap for navigating the complexities of human connection. While the book primarily focuses on personal relationships, the principles outlined can be readily applied to professional settings as well. Leaders and team members alike can benefit from learning how to build trust, communicate effectively, and resolve conflict constructively. Overall, "Connect" is an insightful and valuable resource for anyone seeking to strengthen their relationships and create a more fulfilling life. Whether you're looking to deepen connections with loved ones, improve your communication skills at work, or simply build a more robust social network, this book offers a wealth of practical wisdom and actionable advice.
May 23, 2024
Connect by David Bradford and Carole Robin is an insightful read by two esteemed professors from Stanford University. I purchased this book without knowing much about the authors, only to discover that they are highly respected MBA educators. Their expertise shines through as the book focuses on practical, actionable advice from their popular course, Interpersonal Dynamics.
This course, known for its high demand, groups students into small teams of 9-10 members who interact and apply the course lessons throughout the semester. The concept is akin to a journey, such as climbing a mountain, with various checkpoints symbolising stages of relationship development. A good relationship is like reaching a pleasant checkpoint, but an Exceptional Relationship is akin to reaching the summit together. The challenge, however, lies in the practical application of these principles. Since it's only a book, achieving an exceptional relationship can be challenging without genuine effort and practice from both parties involved.
Bradford and Robin also delve into everyday scenarios, making their advice highly relatable and applicable to real-life interactions. One key takeaway is their acknowledgment that not everyone needs to have an exceptional relationship, and it's perfectly okay if you can't achieve it with everyone you desire.
If you're looking for a valuable resource for deepening your interpersonal relationships while committed to doing all the required dedication and effort, this book suits you.
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This course, known for its high demand, groups students into small teams of 9-10 members who interact and apply the course lessons throughout the semester. The concept is akin to a journey, such as climbing a mountain, with various checkpoints symbolising stages of relationship development. A good relationship is like reaching a pleasant checkpoint, but an Exceptional Relationship is akin to reaching the summit together. The challenge, however, lies in the practical application of these principles. Since it's only a book, achieving an exceptional relationship can be challenging without genuine effort and practice from both parties involved.
Bradford and Robin also delve into everyday scenarios, making their advice highly relatable and applicable to real-life interactions. One key takeaway is their acknowledgment that not everyone needs to have an exceptional relationship, and it's perfectly okay if you can't achieve it with everyone you desire.
If you're looking for a valuable resource for deepening your interpersonal relationships while committed to doing all the required dedication and effort, this book suits you.
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August 25, 2021
I read every night before bed, but for some reason I just can't bring myself to read non-fiction at that time of day, so I've had this book for a while, but struggled to find the time to read it. I started it a couple of months ago, but never got past the first chapter, thinking it sounded pretty dull and that it wasn't what I had expected.
However, I have now made time to read the whole book, and have to admit that I really got into it and found it fascinating. The book talks about 'exceptional relationships' - what they are, how to get them and how to keep them. Connect follows different fictional relationships in order to give varied examples; including spouses, work colleagues, old friends and more. It gives scenarios and plays out the conversations, talking through what they said, what they could have done differently and offering thoughts on how the other is feeling.
Throughout the book, there is reference to how you can apply this to your own life. Asking you to write down 5 relationships, and then working on them as you read through the chapters. At the end of each chapter are a series of things to think about and actions you can take with your own relationships.
Overall, this was not a typical book for me to read, but I found it to be well written and informative. I would recommend it.
My thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for allowing me to read the ARC in return for an honest review.
However, I have now made time to read the whole book, and have to admit that I really got into it and found it fascinating. The book talks about 'exceptional relationships' - what they are, how to get them and how to keep them. Connect follows different fictional relationships in order to give varied examples; including spouses, work colleagues, old friends and more. It gives scenarios and plays out the conversations, talking through what they said, what they could have done differently and offering thoughts on how the other is feeling.
Throughout the book, there is reference to how you can apply this to your own life. Asking you to write down 5 relationships, and then working on them as you read through the chapters. At the end of each chapter are a series of things to think about and actions you can take with your own relationships.
Overall, this was not a typical book for me to read, but I found it to be well written and informative. I would recommend it.
My thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for allowing me to read the ARC in return for an honest review.
December 19, 2022
Not that much new here for me. Solid book especially for those who haven't read many books of the subject. I did like the term 'pinch' to use to describe an interaction that is annoying/offensive but not in a huge way. Although not huge, pinches should be acknowledged and talked through so that pinches don't become something more serious.
January 4, 2025
3,5 stars; this was ok not great, sure relations trump transactions anytime, but this volume does not bring that much extra info to the table for the general reader; on relationships be sure to also check out: Non Violent Communication A Language of Life and The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change.
January 21, 2025
This book was long and meandering at times. It also neglected how to handle relationships that have malicious elements and/or lying.
However, there's a few frameworks that have provided real value, and for that it's a gem. I also appreciated the thoughtful exercises, they're time consuming but worth doing to cement the topics in real conversations.
However, there's a few frameworks that have provided real value, and for that it's a gem. I also appreciated the thoughtful exercises, they're time consuming but worth doing to cement the topics in real conversations.
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