Deep Kindness: A Revolutionary Guide for the Way We Think, Talk, and Act in Kindness

by Houston Kraft

“ Deep Kindness reminds us that when we show up in our lives with empathy, compassion, and love, our world changes for the better.” —Leon Logothetis, bestselling author of The Kindness Diaries

Spread meaningful kindness in your everyday life with this essential guidebook to making the world a kinder, more accepting place.

Practicing kindness is an essential step in helping to repair a world that has grown to be more divisive, lonely, and anxious than ever. But with quotes like, “Just be kind” or, “Throw kindness around like confetti,” we’ve oversimplified what it takes to actually demonstrate kindness in a world crying out for it.

Deep Kindness pairs anecdotes with actions that can make real change in our own lives, the lives of others, and throughout the world. Diving into the types of kindness the world needs most today, this book takes an honest look at the gap between our belief in kindness and our ability to practice it well—and shows us how to put intention into action. Exploring everything from the empathy gap to the skill of emotional regulation, Deep Kindness is perfect for anyone who believes in a kinder world and recognizes that there is a lot of work to do before we achieve it.

Genres: Nonfiction, Self Help, Psychology, Personal Development, Philosophy, Relationships, Audiobook

176 pages, Hardcover

First published September 22, 2020

About the author

Houston is an author, speaker, curriculum developer, and kindness advocate who has spoken at over 600 schools or events internationally. In 2016, he co-founded CharacterStrong - curriculum and trainings that help schools teach social-emotional learning, character education, and Kindness. To date, they have worked with over 2500 schools globally in all 50 states and 9 countries. In 2019, his face was featured on Lays BBQ chip bags as someone who helps "spread smiles." He was once invited to play on the JV National Lasertag Team.

Reviews

[J · Rating 2 out of 5]

I truly believe there is the seed of a great book here. Unfortunately, the author's day job as a motivational speaker is coming through too loud and clear. The chapters are choppily short and interspered with the kinds of inspirational stories and pithy statistics motivational speakers rely on for their speeches. Every chapter is three-five pages long, so it feels like the author is going to build to a larger idea and ... stops just short.

I wish the author had joined forces with someone trained in the art of narrative nonfiction. Or taken some time to take a course in narrative nonfiction. This book jerks you wildly between memoir to self-help to social sciences without taking enough time to create a unifying thread. At this point, the book feels more like a collection of blog posts or lectures.

Just in case the author reads here, please spend some time developing metaphors that are not related to the gym or physical fitness.

Many thanks to the Tiller Press for the free copy won in a Goodreads Giveaway.

[Jen · Rating 3 out of 5]

I like the concept of his book, but at a certain point I felt that it was repetitive and too self-help-y for my liking without exploring the topic in greater depth; felt like 50% of the book was his reflections on why we should strive for kindness instead of just niceness (which, yes, was already covered in the first chapter). It would have been fine for a podcast or even 2 chapters of a book, but not a whole book.

[Tonkica · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.5

Svi mi mislimo da smo ljubazni. Barem u neku ruku. Neki su svjesno ljubazni - ponekad, kada im to odgovara, neki rado pohvale tuđe cipele, torbu, frizuru, uspjeh... Sve je to hvale vrijedno, pogotovo ako se druga strana barem na trenutak osjeća sretno. Ova knjiga nije o tome. Ova je knjiga o dubljoj, iskrenoj, empatijskoj ljubaznosti, o onoj koja dolazi iz naše nutrine, ili se najprije vježba pa onda postane dio nas.

Puuuno više osobnijih utisaka potražite klikom na link: https://knjige-u-svom-filmu.webador.c...

[Kimberly · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5 stars.

I really enjoyed this quick read. Kindness is something I'm trying really hard to cultivate in this season of my life, and this book really gave me some things to think about. I am going to try to convince some friends to read it so I have someone to talk about it with!

[Margaret Klein · Rating 5 out of 5]

This short book is one of the best books I have read on the topic of kindness. With an easy to follow format, you could just sail through it, or linger. It talks about the difference between "Confetti Kindness" and "Deep Kindness." What is the difference between kind and nice? Why did no one stop to help Helga (read it!)? Each chapter has a short pull out quote about what kindness the world needs. There are important exercises you can do--or skip. There are breezy anecdotes, even one about his own marriage which makes us really understand he is human. It asks one really important question. If everyone wants to be kind--or thinks they are kind, what stops us from being kind. If we can just make one little shift, just 1% in our daily habits, 45% of which are routine, then the world will be much more kind. I may use this as an adult study topic book paired with other Jewish readings on the topic.

[Patty (IheartYA311) · Rating 3 out of 5]

Pretty basic. Some good ideas, and a an inspirational reminder of why kindness matters.

[Andrea Pole · Rating 4 out of 5]

Deep Kindness by Houston Kraft gets at the heart of what it means to practice kindness in a truly meaningful and life-altering way. We have all seen, or perhaps even shared, the inspirational but oversimplified idea of spreading kindness like confetti. Here, the author encourages us to dig deeper, and to put in the work of making a meaningful difference by introducing the habit of kindness to our everyday lives. After all, kindness truly is our most important resource, and must be tended and nurtured as such.

This is an inspiring read that will certainly motivate you to make a change, large or small, in the spreading of kindness throughout a world that is so desperately in need. 4.5 stars

Many thanks to NetGalley and Tiller Press for the opportunity to read this ARC.

[Austris Cirulnieks · Rating 4 out of 5]

I had the pleasure to meet Houston back in 2019.
Right away when he mentioned the book, I was waiting impatiently for it.

And boy did I enjoy the book.
The expectations were high and they definitely fulfilled.

Truly spot on deep-dive on kindness, practical examples and Huston's life stories that made whole reading experience way more immersive.
Best book I've read in a long while.

[Eileen Margaret · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 I wanted a bit more depth from this book; I guess I will expect more depth from myself instead! There are definitely many gems and practical ideas. I won't forget the story of Helga and already shared it with Cassidy. I am all for deeper kindness.
"meaningful kindness is generated from the hard work of meaningful connection."

[Bonnie Westmark · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was a prize at a staff meeting. I wanted it, so the teacher who won, got it for me when she won. It’s a book you’ll want everyone to read, and a book you’ll think about each day every single time you interact with someone. It teaches us how to be deeply kind to everyone. My mom could have written this book. She lived it and was the kindest human I’ve ever known. I strive to be like her.

[Julie Weigt · Rating 5 out of 5]

I don’t think I have ever read a book that has stirred such deep emotions and brought me to tears. Thank you Houston for your thoughts and your willingness to put those thoughts in book form. This should be required reading for all humans.

[Kari Staack · Rating 5 out of 5]

A transformative idea. This book will change the world.

[Travis Standley · Rating 4 out of 5]

I found this book to be an honest effort to discuss kindness and what kindness is. I appreciated the work done to get below the surface of kindness and define and categorize it. And what kindness is to one is not kindness to another.
I’m glad it gives ode to the daily small and deliberate acts - deliberate being the key word there - that, overtime can have huge impacts.
The author was honest about his own failures in kindness and relationships.
I highly connected with the chapters on the insecurities and fears that inhibit kindness along with all the other human stuff that can get in the way: being busy, out of balance, without purpose, bad health, lack of sleep, etc.
Finally, I love the nod to the competencies of kindness. So much of life is not knowing what to do or being equipped with the right skills. We can learn kindness and must mentor each other. This book has made a mark on me.

[Lynnae Andersen · Rating 4 out of 5]

Kraft's revolutionary guide to kindness is a repeat of sermons and lessons I heard while in (Christian) high school. But, just because a lesson isn't new, doesn't mean it isn't needed. I appreciated the reminders that while "Confetti Kindness" can garner attention, "Deep Kindness" is intentional and personal. I appreciated the inclusion of ideas that would address different Love Languages in 10-minute acts of kindness.

Overall, the book was a timely reminder to look for opportunities to make kindness a habit, not a hobby.

[Willa Guadalupe Grant · Rating 3 out of 5]

I liked the beginning of this book very much. I liked that the author wrote about going deeper than "confetti kindness" and about the difficulty and discipline that real kindness takes. Then it veered into woke pop psychology and lost me. Worth reading from the library, but I would not purchase this book.

[Patricia Makatsaria · Rating 4 out of 5]

The central theme of this book is to spur readers to make permanent life changes - increasing kindness in their daily lives. This idea is solid, one I personally believe is critical to remedying the social problems we face so often these days.

[Miglė · Rating 4 out of 5]

A heartwarming and thought provoking read. Wouldn't go as far as calling it life changing but it is a beautiful reminder to truly be kind. Loved the exercises included in the book. Definitely considering rereading it some time in the future.

[Layla Platt · Rating 4 out of 5]

On audio* The first thing I have to say about this book is if you are like me, very touchy feely and can cry at just about everything, do not read/listen to it in public. Such heartwarming and heartbreaking stories. Really opened my eyes to the theory around deep kindness instead of confetti kindness.

[M_ · Rating 5 out of 5]

Extraordinary book!! I can’t say enough about how powerful and inspirational Houston Kraft’s stories, ideas, and thought-provoking prompts for a kinder world are from page one all the the way until the very end.

Please take the time to read this book. It’s absolutely fantastic!

[Kara · Rating 4 out of 5]

Practical, great activity examples and relatable

[Jenny · Rating 3 out of 5]

Probably 3.5 stars.

[Jason Bennett · Rating 1 out of 5]

Not sure what’s worse…Jordan Tarver or this book? I do not recommend. Had to read it for a school system leadership retreat. A waste of time. A waste of energy. A waste of headspace.

[Christie Bane · Rating 4 out of 5]

Most of this book was excellent. It was a 5-star read for me until I got to the end where he started talking about specific practices you could do to be more kind, and almost all of them seemed exceedingly ridiculous. Like, if I did those things, my family and the people around me would think I was annoying and inappropriate, not kind.

The rest of the book, though, was full of useful reflections on the reasons why we’re not as kind as we could be, and how to get better at it. I don’t think anyone can deny that the world needs kindness now more than ever, and I can’t imagine anyone reading this book and not being inspired to think of others and acting to help them more often. MOST of the book is not shallow and silly, just the end of it.

[Annalise Grueter · Rating 4 out of 5]

While the author's personal anecdotes can be a bit self-indulgent at times, the journaling prompts and exercises suggested in the last 25% of the book are valuable and the distinction he makes between shallow, feel-good-headline friendly Confetti Kindness and Deep Kindness is a valuable one that bears contemplation.
I'm looking forward to using some of the exercises to work on being kinder.

[Bettejean · Rating 3 out of 5]

This started out great but then felt a bit preachy. Also the author talks about not calling his best friend after his mother dies. I am a bit put off by this, how can anyone talk about spreading kindness when they didn't even show up for their best friend? I applaud the vulnerability shown in the book but it feels after a time hypocritical.

[Courtney · Rating 5 out of 5]

I recently finished Deep Kindness by Houston Kraft and I loved it!

It was around the beginning of the pandemic when I discovered Houston and his organization, CharacterStrong. The pandemic really exposed this deep need for empathy, kindness, and compassion in my community and in the world, but ultimately in myself.

To be frank, I don’t consider myself a naturally compassionate or empathetic person. However, I was rattled by the reality of living in a world where even the most basic humane acts wasn’t normal. I knew that if I wanted to live in a world that is more compassionate, kind, and empathetic, then that started with me. And that is really what Houston presents in his book, Deep Kindness. He defines Deep Kindness as “the kind of Kindness that overcomes selfishness and fear…generosity that expects nothing in return…a commitment to consist, thoughtful action that is not dependent on circumstance or convenience.” He shines a light on the things that stunt us from showing this type of Kindness, but also gives us practical ways to remove those barriers and challenge ourselves to make Deep Kindness a reality. Plus, this book is a short and sweet read, clocking in at 160 pages!

If this sounds like a book you need (whether personally or to go through in a small group), I highly encourage you to go full send in committing to the added prompts and exercises. After all, what’s the point in reading about Kindness if we don’t take the time to practice it?

[Carmen · Rating 3 out of 5]

I liked this book especially at the beginning. I love the concepts and what the goal of the book is trying to accomplish. Toward the end, I realized the author is trying to explain how to live the gospel without the key component of a God or higher power. He relies a lot on his own experience and has studied and read a lot, so I appreciate his perspective. It fell a little short for me.

[Scott · Rating 3 out of 5]

Deep Kindness by Houston Kraft is a bit like the dessert table at a large family holiday gathering. Many sweets, more than any one person could digest. Many are useful, but there not a lot of continuity in the order of thoughts of the book, and you can’t make a meal out of dessert - although we all have tried at one time or another in our lives.
Im eating my third ‘small piece of pie’ on the day and am not at a ‘large family gathering’ for an excuse. 😳😆😆

Buried in the middle of the book, a rather significant mea culpa for his failed marriage. This section didn’t add to the book - almost had me stop reading it. When the preacher still has a giant sin ongoing - kind of hard to want to metaphorically keep showing up for the sermons.

Some of the side dishes in the book:
“The American Psychological Association reveals that The average student of today has as much anxiety as the average psychiatric patient from the 1950s. ”

“Personality is what we wear to the gym, character is how hard we work out”

“Akrasia Greek term occasionally is described as a lack of self-control or the state of acting against one's better judgment.”

“If you’re not consciously or unconsciously accessing your own hurt - you will walk by helga in the airport” Helga was a woman who sat crying for nearly two hours and no one stopped to help.

"if you put music on in front of little kids they will all dance."

He writes further " how is it possible that someone that talked about love for his career could be quite inept at it in his own life.?" The answer is perhaps Kraft is trying to cathartically help others be more kind, to heal some seriously deep wounds and insecurities he still holds on to.

“kindness is proactive and doesn't have strings attached.”

"sometimes risking connection is risking reliving hurt"

Kraft suggests that to exercise specificity in kindness, let someone know how they helped you :


1/ be braver
2/pushes me to believe in myself
3/ the person who enjoys dancing in the rain
4/ best hugger
5/ the person who first introduced me to kindness
6/ the person who makes the world a better place
7/ the person who i share inside jokes with

" if we don't acknowledge the mess, our feet are stuck in the mud"


He suggests that we should do an assessment in our lives and know what gets in the way of kindness.

Throughout the book, Houston Kraft quotes Brene Brown. I would argue it very likely that the way Austin Kraft felt in junior high and high school is similar to the way Brene Brown felt at those developmental times in their respective lives, and it wasn’t good. Kraft utilized more than one Brene Brown example of teen behavior - the dancing dorky kid the most obvious one. It normal for perhaps to utilize understanding of pain - empathy - to know how to teach others kindness.

I think Austin Kraft is probably good at speaking for an hour to middle and high school students- I don’t think that for him has translated into a cohesive book. His outline seems random.

Near the end of the book, he reports that brene brown says the person who exhibits the most kindness has the best boundaries. Not sure I agree with this but do believe it perhaps a place that both he and Brown again similar. They both are indeed afraid to actually get close.

In young medical education, say the third year, some medical students can be extremely gifted at diagnosis , yet at that point in the career lack the ability to move towards complete understanding of treatments- from humanism to medicinal offering and therapy . This also where the book Deep Kindness comes up short. There also a phrase in medical humanities - physician heal thyself. Luke 4:23 Jesus mentioned this idiom. Austin is still healing - and perhaps it’s trying to help teens become more kind to each other. I have no doubt that he would be an outstanding speaker - although his work not really original- until his own healing more profound - the book perhaps will remain a set of good quotes , but lack a order and continuity for change.

[Tara · Rating 4 out of 5]

While this book is geared toward the educational space, it is applicable to anyone.
The author describes three types of kindness:
Common kindness - please, thank you
Confetti kindness - mass- marketed, feel-good
Deep kindness - overcomes selfishness and fear. Generosity that expects nothing in return.

The book goes beyond the basic idea of kindness to other psychological, self-improvement concepts, such as not taking things personally, and changing the way we think about things and about ourselves. It contains thought-provoking and helpful exercises, such as, "Try writing out an example of an emotional reaction you had recently and the painful or unflattering story you told yourself. Then, write out a list of one to three other potential reinterpretations. Start with the most banal interpretation and advance to the most bizarre (just for fun) by the time you reach number three." The author reminds us, "... isn't life suddenly much bigger (and much less self-centered) when you take the perspective of what is possible instead of making everything personal?"

I appreciated the non-preachy, positive spin on concepts I knew but the gentle reminders and examples were easy to digest. "Character is shaped by choices we make every day
Personality is what we prefer to wear to the gym. Character is how hard we work out."

Instead of reading this book and focusing on my failures to be kind (which I still did at times, especially in the chapter comparing "nice" to "kind."), I was inspired by the concepts it covered.
"'Each of us is more than the worst thing we have ever done.' - Bryan Stevenson
We do bad things. We are not bad people. "

In fact, the book points out how negative feelings can reduce the ability to be kind.
"When you live from this place-when your actions are driven by shame and scarcity instead of hope and abundance- you consistently prevent yourself from finding opportunities for connection, authenticity; Kindness, and joy. Hopelessness is effort's greatest enemy, and effort is a critical ingredient in any act of Kindness."

I have often thought of myself as a nice person, and this book, combined with my own realizations over the years, has pointed out that nice is not the same thing as kind, and not nearly as good.
"Nice is pleasant, but doesn't usually require much pain. It is non-sacrificial and, as such, rarely makes a lasting difference. It can scratch an itch, but it won't resolve the rash.
The reality is that most actions in Kindness are wildly inconvenient ... How can we possibly have a Kind world when, most of the time, it's just not all that convenient to create one? How can we create a Kinder world when, most of the time, we simply don't feel like we have the time to make a difference?"

The book does a good job of suggesting ways to focus on being more kind, and the author's program, Character Strong, is a positive effort toward teaching kindness to children (as adults are harder to change!) I really love the 30 Days of Kindness Challenge at the end of the book and started my challenge yesterday. I appreciate that the book has some practical applications and it inspired me to continue to become a better, more kind person in thought and deed, to myself and to others.

[Gypsy Rose · Rating 1 out of 5]

Ugh! The irony of writing this review for a book titled Deep Kindness is not lost on me—but I hated this book. Another irony? The author of a book supposedly about deep kindness didn’t seem to have much depth himself. It’s a fantastic concept, sure, but the delivery? Brutal. Every other page, he reminds us about yet another talk he gave at a school. Yes, we get it—that’s your job. Talking about the importance of kindness in schools is admirable, but we understood that the first time.

And then, to add to the frustration, every single point he made had to be connected to a gym or fitness metaphor. Okay, okay. You lift, you’ve got a strong bench press, and you’re passionate about your job. But could you tone down the humblebrags just a bit? It felt like every chapter came with a free membership to the “I Love Myself” club.

Then, finally, we hit chapter 12, where he starts to open up about the breakdown of his marriage. I thought, “Yes! Now we’re getting somewhere—some actual honesty!” But, alas, the glimpse of vulnerability lasted exactly one paragraph before he pivoted right back to work talk. Apparently, his marriage crumbled because he constantly prioritized his job, and his wife began to resent his work. Well, no surprise there, my friend. Trust me, girl, I feel you. I’ve been reading about his self-importance for chapters, and it’s been wearing on my nerves too.

After that brief detour into his personal life, it was right back to surface-level fluff. He did touch on a deeper topic again later, sharing a bit about being bullied as a kid. It gave some insight into why he might feel the need to prove himself all the time, but I'm not here to play therapist.

In the end, Deep Kindness was more self-promotion than substance. What could have been an impactful exploration of kindness became a repetitive, self-inflating monologue. A good idea poorly executed, and unfortunately, not the deep dive into kindness I’d hoped for.