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I am Fifteen & I Don't Want to Die #1
من پانزده سالهام و نمیخواهم بمیرم
یکی از پرفروش ترین کتاب های جهان در سال 2009 روایت کریستین آرنوتی، یک زندگی نامه تاثرانگیز، برگرفته از خاطرات دوران نوجوانی اوست. این داستان باتوانایی و متانت لطی او چگونگی از هم پاشیدنی یک زندگی عادی در دوران جنگ را به تصویر می کشد. کریستین از سن پانزده سالگی خوددر سال 1945 داستانی تکان دهنده از وحشت، مرگ، گرسنگی، تشنگی و تجاوز می گوید. از روزهایی که او و خانواده اش از ترس رژه نظامی ارتش آلمان و روس در دوران محاصره بوداپست در زیرزمین خانه خود پنهان شده بودند
383 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 1955
49 people are currently reading
1035 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 126 reviews
March 20, 2011
This title crossed my memory bank recently; I believe I may have read this as a youth, but I couldn't even remember exactly what it was about (maybe I didn't). I requested it from my local library, and quickly went through its insightful and yet horrifying 100+ pages. Christine is 15 during the siege of Budapest (when the Russians are attempting to retake the city from the Germans in 1944) and ends up huddling in a coal cellar with her parents--and about 30 other random people--at the bottom of what was formerly their upscale apartment building on the banks of the Danube River. Having written this book when she was still only 26 or 27, it reads almost as if the events were unfolding in real time, and as if taken directly from the pages of her diary. One is immediately immersed into her new reality in the coal cellar, as she and her parents struggle to survive bombings, soldiers, hunger, thirst and then new difficulties once the Russians finally arrive. Because her father was an intellectual/academic, things are not better for the family under Communist rule. The author's many savvy observations about human nature, the human condition, the folly of war and what really matters in life (but not put forth "in so many words") were starkly frank and relatable. Arnothy won the French Prix des Verites for this book, which was published in 1956. Her biographical paragraph said she had written a second book, a novel, which was due to be published in 1957, but I have not personally encountered more of her writing to date than this gem. Even with the many startling, horrifying situations Arnothy faces in the course of this book, it is still well worth reading.
December 23, 2019
بچههای عزیزم، صد بار از روی سرمشق زیر بنویسید:
هیچ چیز قشنگی درمورد جنگ وجود ندارد، هیچچیز.
یاد گرفتید بچهها؟
هیچ چیز قشنگی درمورد جنگ وجود ندارد، هیچچیز.
یاد گرفتید بچهها؟
November 15, 2016
I read this book when i was around 15 years old and there was an Israeli war on Lebanon, i lived this book more than just reading it, now that i'm reviewing it i can only remember how i read it, sometimes on candle lights, and it was a huge emotional experience that i cannot help but giving it 5 stars
Read
September 22, 2010I am 15 and I don't want to die - Christine Arnothy
Beautiful and poetic. I shall not forget this.
This is the remembrance of a young girl's life with father and mother in a war-ruined Budapest at the very point of time when the Germans were driven out and the Russian forces ravaged in. There are many beautiful moments along with the heartrending brutal. The second half of the book recounts the families escape over the border to Austria three years after the war. Between (at the beginning of Chapter 12) is a beautiful passage where the innocent Christine confesses, and being mostly without sin herself confesses humanities sins done on themselves in the war. Her confession and the priest forgiving is a very special moment for me.
For book club; the author would be a few years younger than Kati Marton's parents (Enemies of the People), and perhaps of a similar social class, yet the author's humanity and sentiments are quite different to those expressed in the Enemies... book. It was good to for me to have read this, and to have filled a bit more of the detail of the time in eastern Europe at the end of WWII.
There is a sequel called It is not so easy to live.
Characters: Christine, Pista, Eve and Gabriel, Doctor, District Attorney, Mr. Radni
Beautiful and poetic. I shall not forget this.
This is the remembrance of a young girl's life with father and mother in a war-ruined Budapest at the very point of time when the Germans were driven out and the Russian forces ravaged in. There are many beautiful moments along with the heartrending brutal. The second half of the book recounts the families escape over the border to Austria three years after the war. Between (at the beginning of Chapter 12) is a beautiful passage where the innocent Christine confesses, and being mostly without sin herself confesses humanities sins done on themselves in the war. Her confession and the priest forgiving is a very special moment for me.
For book club; the author would be a few years younger than Kati Marton's parents (Enemies of the People), and perhaps of a similar social class, yet the author's humanity and sentiments are quite different to those expressed in the Enemies... book. It was good to for me to have read this, and to have filled a bit more of the detail of the time in eastern Europe at the end of WWII.
There is a sequel called It is not so easy to live.
Characters: Christine, Pista, Eve and Gabriel, Doctor, District Attorney, Mr. Radni
January 28, 2018
On the one hand, Christine Arnothy's I am Fifteen and I Do Not Want to Die is that fortunate but relatively rare convergence of a person with an interesting story to tell who is also a technically proficient writer. On the other hand, Fifteen has a tendency to focus on the parts of Arnothy's story which were - to me at least - of the least interest.
The synopsis on my edition implies that the focus of the story would be on the author's experiences of the Siege of Budapest. This section of the book lasts less than seventy pages; the rest is made up of her experiences as a refugee and as a wife in a foreign country. I was interested in the siege, in her and her family crossing borders illegally and finding themselves in a refugee camp, in her attempts to assert her identity while nation-less, but we skip weeks, months and years at a time. We learn nothing of Arnothy's family attempting to make a home in the Hungarian countryside after the siege. We never hear of what she witnessed of Budapest while at school in the years before her family decided to flee the country. She and all the people around her seem to make huge decisions on the turn of a sixpence. We never know much of the thoughts feeding their choices, because she elects not to share them with us.
I wonder whether this is a trademark of the era Fifteen was published in. Perhaps as a modern reader I expect more of a tell-all than would have been de rigueur in the fifties. Nevertheless, it's a shame.
As a sidenote, although my copy does not claim to be an amalgamation of I am Fifteen and I Do Not Want to Die and Arnothy's later book on the subject It Is Not So Easy to Live, I have read a few excerpts of the latter and, as far as I can tell, the text of the excerpts are identical to the second part of my copy of Fifteen. This refers to ISBN 97780007303021.
The synopsis on my edition implies that the focus of the story would be on the author's experiences of the Siege of Budapest. This section of the book lasts less than seventy pages; the rest is made up of her experiences as a refugee and as a wife in a foreign country. I was interested in the siege, in her and her family crossing borders illegally and finding themselves in a refugee camp, in her attempts to assert her identity while nation-less, but we skip weeks, months and years at a time. We learn nothing of Arnothy's family attempting to make a home in the Hungarian countryside after the siege. We never hear of what she witnessed of Budapest while at school in the years before her family decided to flee the country. She and all the people around her seem to make huge decisions on the turn of a sixpence. We never know much of the thoughts feeding their choices, because she elects not to share them with us.
I wonder whether this is a trademark of the era Fifteen was published in. Perhaps as a modern reader I expect more of a tell-all than would have been de rigueur in the fifties. Nevertheless, it's a shame.
As a sidenote, although my copy does not claim to be an amalgamation of I am Fifteen and I Do Not Want to Die and Arnothy's later book on the subject It Is Not So Easy to Live, I have read a few excerpts of the latter and, as far as I can tell, the text of the excerpts are identical to the second part of my copy of Fifteen. This refers to ISBN 97780007303021.
June 4, 2016
'J'ai quinze ans et je ne veux pas mourir' , ce roman autobiographique de Christine Arnothy et que certains l'ont qualifié comme la clé de voûte de la littérature sur la guerre .
Bien qu'il soit plein d'émotions puisqu'il raconte l'histoire d'une jeune fille qui a vécu les horreurs de la guerre , J'ai un peu de mal à vous parler de ce livre. Je n'étais pas assez touchée par l'histoire de Christine , j'avais l'impression qu'elle était assez froide et qu'elle voulait imposer une certaine distance entre nous et elle , malgré que je lis des témoignages de guerre régulièrement , l'histoire de Christine ne m'a pas touchée et transportée autant que les autres.
Ce que j'ai aimé, toutefois, c'est le fait que Christine nous raconte à travers son histoire l'histoire d'un pays .
En résumé, un livre pas très palpitant mais instructif.
Bien qu'il soit plein d'émotions puisqu'il raconte l'histoire d'une jeune fille qui a vécu les horreurs de la guerre , J'ai un peu de mal à vous parler de ce livre. Je n'étais pas assez touchée par l'histoire de Christine , j'avais l'impression qu'elle était assez froide et qu'elle voulait imposer une certaine distance entre nous et elle , malgré que je lis des témoignages de guerre régulièrement , l'histoire de Christine ne m'a pas touchée et transportée autant que les autres.
Ce que j'ai aimé, toutefois, c'est le fait que Christine nous raconte à travers son histoire l'histoire d'un pays .
En résumé, un livre pas très palpitant mais instructif.
February 11, 2023
I didn’t realize this was a true story until I was about halfway through it. It’s harrowing and dark and makes me lose faith in humanity…but then there are the glimmers of hope in the people who suffer. It’s a powerful and sad story.
November 28, 2024
Une histoire permettant de comprendre les sentiments d' une adolescente durant la Seconde Guerre mondiale.
Cette histoire tragique saura faire pleurer plus d'un.
Cette histoire tragique saura faire pleurer plus d'un.
June 15, 2017
من دختر پانزدهسالهای هستم که میخواهم مرگ و نابودی شهر بوداپست را که در خون و آتش میسوخت و محکوم به زوال شده بود را توصیف کنم؛ دختری که حتی به اندازهی یک ورق پارهی روزنامه هم اهمیت نداشت، بوداپست آن روزنامه بود و من آن ورق مچالهشده
نخستین جملات کتاب من پانزده سالهام و نمیخواهم بمیرم
در این کتاب میشه جنگ رو از چشمان نوجوانی پانزدهساله دید، نوجوانی که ناچاره در فرار و آوارگی با تحمل رنجهای بیشمار بزرگ بشه؛ کریستین آرنوتی در این کتاب که به نوعی دفترچهخاطرات او محسوب میشه داستان زندگی پرفراز ونشیبش رو تعریف میکنه. در بخش اول کتاب از سیاهی و وحشت دوران جنگ میگه، از ترک وطن و آوارگی و در بخش دوم از مصائب مهاجرت و زندگی دشوار مهاجران.
نقاط روشن کتاب بسیار کم هستند، مثل خاطرات هر انسانی گاهی میتونن کسلکننده باشن و گاهی آزاردهنده اما بدون شک کتابی است ارزشمند برای آشنایی با بخشی از تاریخ و زندگی آنان که پیش از ما زیستهاند. در نهایت سخن کوتاه میکنم و شعری زیبا از برتولت برشت را که به نظرم چکیدهای است نیک از آنچه در این کتاب احساس کردم، تقدیمتان میکنم:
راستی که در دوره تيره و تاری زندگی می کنم:
امروزه فقط حرفهای احمقانه بی خطرند
اخم بر چهره نداشتن، از بی احساسی خبر می دهد،
و آنکه می خندد، هنوز خبر هولناک را نشنيده است.
اين چه زمانه ايست
که حرف زدن از درختان عين جنايت است
وقتی از اين همه تباهی چيزی نگفته باشيم!
کسی که آرام به راه خود می رود گناهکار است
زيرا دوستانی که در تنگنا هستند
ديگر به او دسترس ندارند.
اين درست است: من هنوز رزق و روزی دارم
اما باور کنيد: اين تنها از روی تصادف است
هيچ قرار نيست از کاری که می کنم نان و آبی برسد
اگر بخت و اقبال پشت کند، کارم ساخته است.
از قديم گفته اند : بخور، بنوش و از آنچه داری بهره بگير
اما چطور می توان خورد و نوشيد
وقتی خوراکم را از چنگ گرسنه ای بيرون کشيده ام
و به جام آبم تشنه ای مستحق تر است.
اما با همه اين حرفها باز هم می خورم و می نوشم.
من هم دلم می خواهد از روی خرد زندگی کنم
در کتابهای قديمی آدم خردمند را چنين تعريف کرده اند:
از آشوب زمانه دوری گرفتن و اين عمر کوتاه را
بی وحشت سپری کردن
بدی را با نيکی پاسخ گفتن
آرزوها را يکايک به نسيان سپردن
اين است خردمندی.
اما اين کارها بر نمی آيد از من.
راستی که در دوره تيره و تاری زندگی می کنم.
II
در دوران آشوب به شهرها آمدم
زمانی که گرسنگی بيداد می کرد.
در زمان شورش به ميان مردم آمدم
و به همراهشان فرياد زدم.
عمری که مرا داده شده بود
بر زمين چنين گذشت.
خوراکم را ميان سنگرها خوردم
خوابم را کنار قاتلها خفتم
عشق را جدی نگرفتم
و به طبيعت دل ندادم
عمری که مرا داده شده بود
بر زمين چنين گذشت.
در روزگار من تمام راهها به مرداب ختم می شدند
زبانم مرا به جلادان لو می داد
زورم زياد نبود، اما اميد داشتم
که برای زمامداران دردسر فراهم کنم!
عمری که مرا داده شده بود
بر زمين چنين گذشت.
توش و توان ما زياد نبود
مقصد در دوردست بود
از دور ديده می شد اما
من آن را در دسترس نمی ديدم.
عمری که مرا داده شده بود
بر زمين چنين گذشت.
III
آهای آيندگان، شما که از دل توفانی بيرون می جهيد
که ما را بلعيده است.
وقتی از ضعف های ما حرف می زنيد
يادتان باشد
که از زمانه سخت ما هم چيزی بگوييد.
به ياد آوريد که ما بيش از کفشهامان کشور عوض کرديم
و ميدانهای جنگ طبقاتی را با يأس پشت سر گذاشتيم،
آنجا که ستم بود و اعتراضی نبود.
اين را خوب می دانيم:
حتی نفرت از حقارت نيز
آدم را سنگدل می کند.
حتی خشم بر نابرابری هم
صدا را خشن می کند.
آخ، ما که خواستيم زمين را برای مهربانی مهيا کنيم
خود نتوانستيم مهربان باشيم.
اما شما وقتی به روزی رسيديد
که انسان ياور انسان بود
درباره ما
با رأفت داوری کنید!
نخستین جملات کتاب من پانزده سالهام و نمیخواهم بمیرم
در این کتاب میشه جنگ رو از چشمان نوجوانی پانزدهساله دید، نوجوانی که ناچاره در فرار و آوارگی با تحمل رنجهای بیشمار بزرگ بشه؛ کریستین آرنوتی در این کتاب که به نوعی دفترچهخاطرات او محسوب میشه داستان زندگی پرفراز ونشیبش رو تعریف میکنه. در بخش اول کتاب از سیاهی و وحشت دوران جنگ میگه، از ترک وطن و آوارگی و در بخش دوم از مصائب مهاجرت و زندگی دشوار مهاجران.
نقاط روشن کتاب بسیار کم هستند، مثل خاطرات هر انسانی گاهی میتونن کسلکننده باشن و گاهی آزاردهنده اما بدون شک کتابی است ارزشمند برای آشنایی با بخشی از تاریخ و زندگی آنان که پیش از ما زیستهاند. در نهایت سخن کوتاه میکنم و شعری زیبا از برتولت برشت را که به نظرم چکیدهای است نیک از آنچه در این کتاب احساس کردم، تقدیمتان میکنم:
راستی که در دوره تيره و تاری زندگی می کنم:
امروزه فقط حرفهای احمقانه بی خطرند
اخم بر چهره نداشتن، از بی احساسی خبر می دهد،
و آنکه می خندد، هنوز خبر هولناک را نشنيده است.
اين چه زمانه ايست
که حرف زدن از درختان عين جنايت است
وقتی از اين همه تباهی چيزی نگفته باشيم!
کسی که آرام به راه خود می رود گناهکار است
زيرا دوستانی که در تنگنا هستند
ديگر به او دسترس ندارند.
اين درست است: من هنوز رزق و روزی دارم
اما باور کنيد: اين تنها از روی تصادف است
هيچ قرار نيست از کاری که می کنم نان و آبی برسد
اگر بخت و اقبال پشت کند، کارم ساخته است.
از قديم گفته اند : بخور، بنوش و از آنچه داری بهره بگير
اما چطور می توان خورد و نوشيد
وقتی خوراکم را از چنگ گرسنه ای بيرون کشيده ام
و به جام آبم تشنه ای مستحق تر است.
اما با همه اين حرفها باز هم می خورم و می نوشم.
من هم دلم می خواهد از روی خرد زندگی کنم
در کتابهای قديمی آدم خردمند را چنين تعريف کرده اند:
از آشوب زمانه دوری گرفتن و اين عمر کوتاه را
بی وحشت سپری کردن
بدی را با نيکی پاسخ گفتن
آرزوها را يکايک به نسيان سپردن
اين است خردمندی.
اما اين کارها بر نمی آيد از من.
راستی که در دوره تيره و تاری زندگی می کنم.
II
در دوران آشوب به شهرها آمدم
زمانی که گرسنگی بيداد می کرد.
در زمان شورش به ميان مردم آمدم
و به همراهشان فرياد زدم.
عمری که مرا داده شده بود
بر زمين چنين گذشت.
خوراکم را ميان سنگرها خوردم
خوابم را کنار قاتلها خفتم
عشق را جدی نگرفتم
و به طبيعت دل ندادم
عمری که مرا داده شده بود
بر زمين چنين گذشت.
در روزگار من تمام راهها به مرداب ختم می شدند
زبانم مرا به جلادان لو می داد
زورم زياد نبود، اما اميد داشتم
که برای زمامداران دردسر فراهم کنم!
عمری که مرا داده شده بود
بر زمين چنين گذشت.
توش و توان ما زياد نبود
مقصد در دوردست بود
از دور ديده می شد اما
من آن را در دسترس نمی ديدم.
عمری که مرا داده شده بود
بر زمين چنين گذشت.
III
آهای آيندگان، شما که از دل توفانی بيرون می جهيد
که ما را بلعيده است.
وقتی از ضعف های ما حرف می زنيد
يادتان باشد
که از زمانه سخت ما هم چيزی بگوييد.
به ياد آوريد که ما بيش از کفشهامان کشور عوض کرديم
و ميدانهای جنگ طبقاتی را با يأس پشت سر گذاشتيم،
آنجا که ستم بود و اعتراضی نبود.
اين را خوب می دانيم:
حتی نفرت از حقارت نيز
آدم را سنگدل می کند.
حتی خشم بر نابرابری هم
صدا را خشن می کند.
آخ، ما که خواستيم زمين را برای مهربانی مهيا کنيم
خود نتوانستيم مهربان باشيم.
اما شما وقتی به روزی رسيديد
که انسان ياور انسان بود
درباره ما
با رأفت داوری کنید!
August 18, 2016
In a desperate attempt to improve my somewhat terrible french, I plucked this volume from my younger sister's shelves. I heard her once say something in the lines of 'This book is titled "I Am Fifteen and I Don't Want to Die" and I am fourteen and it made me want to cry'. I was thrilled because a book that makes you cry is a great one. This oeuvre unfortunately didn't. I am not proclaiming it wasn't good, because it was. But I entered its world with very high expectations that were only partly met. Christine's life in confinement in the basement 'community' in a war ravished Budapest had its ups and downs, its exciting parts and not-so-exciting ones. She is a great story teller, but sometimes it feels like she gets into these dreamy yet non-imaginative states that give the story a monotonous feel, if I make any sense at all. And it undermines her struggles as a child experiencing war firsthand. The other thing that made my journey with her uncomfortable was how quickly she jumps from one event to another. She doesn't give you enough time to consider what just happened and decide whether to be sad about it or not. And the main let-down for me and the reason why I didn't find this journal tears-worthy were the lacking and very brief descriptions. I am used to big authors who indulge their readers to pages and pages of beautiful descriptions of a single element. But I guess it is unfair to scorn her for a manuscript she wrote when she was fifteen hiding under a building that could collapse at any given moment by Russian and German forces. So despite all, I was never really bored, and whenever I felt slightly uninterested, a 10-minutes break would suffice to get back to the pages with renewed excitement. Again, I blame it all on my expectations. I finish by saying that J'ai Quinze Ans is a book worthy of anyone's time. (I would say that among all books I rated with three stars, this one is definitely the most worthy.)
December 21, 2015
WWII memoir, notable for two things especially: First, that Arnothy focuses closely on two short spans of time, skimming over everything else (and over most context). When the book opens, Arnothy and her family are already living in the basement of their apartment building, afraid to venture upstairs or outside because of the violence that rages. The bulk of the (very slim) book is spent in that basement or on brief forays outside, into war-ravaged Budapest. Arnothy and her parents make it out of Budapest, there's a three-year skip in time, and then Arnothy chronicles the escape they made out of Hungary. She doesn't give details of what the war was like before the Russians came, or what made them need to get out of Hungary altogether. She tells us very little of what her life was like before the war. Some of that must have to do with her age—war was raging in Europe for much of her youth—but some of that is just this intense focus.
The second thing is the unflinching tone that Arnothy takes throughout. It's clear how frightened she was and also clear that it wasn't possible to give fear and grief the space to unfold, if they wanted to survive. There are more people than Arnothy and her parents in that basement—it's many people from the building—and they're presented as very real in their own fears and insecurities and spats. Hope and kindness come from unexpected quarters, but they're all at constant risk. Not everybody makes it, and sometimes they die when least expected, and Arnothy puts it out there and moves on. What else can she do?
The second thing is the unflinching tone that Arnothy takes throughout. It's clear how frightened she was and also clear that it wasn't possible to give fear and grief the space to unfold, if they wanted to survive. There are more people than Arnothy and her parents in that basement—it's many people from the building—and they're presented as very real in their own fears and insecurities and spats. Hope and kindness come from unexpected quarters, but they're all at constant risk. Not everybody makes it, and sometimes they die when least expected, and Arnothy puts it out there and moves on. What else can she do?
February 22, 2014
3 étoiles pour la première partie.
Cette Christine ( âgée de 20 ans ) me rappelle Emma de Madame Bovary,elle me déprime avec son éternelle insatisfaction, elle est si lourde que je n'arrive pas à finir le livre. J'ai aimé par contre Christine l'adolescente et je n'est pas éprouvé de lassitude en lisant la première partie du livre que je juge remarquablement touchante.
Je m'enfonce malgré l'ennui et le rythme du livre change. Avec l'apparition de Madame Saulner et ce qui suit, j'entrevois un nouveau coté du caractère de Christine qui m'attendri.
C'était cru! poignant! Je finis ce livre mélancolique, le cœur dérangé.
Cette Christine ( âgée de 20 ans ) me rappelle Emma de Madame Bovary,elle me déprime avec son éternelle insatisfaction, elle est si lourde que je n'arrive pas à finir le livre. J'ai aimé par contre Christine l'adolescente et je n'est pas éprouvé de lassitude en lisant la première partie du livre que je juge remarquablement touchante.
Je m'enfonce malgré l'ennui et le rythme du livre change. Avec l'apparition de Madame Saulner et ce qui suit, j'entrevois un nouveau coté du caractère de Christine qui m'attendri.
C'était cru! poignant! Je finis ce livre mélancolique, le cœur dérangé.
February 13, 2016
I wish this book had a different title. It sounds like a melodrama along the lines of Lurlene McDaniel, but in fact, it’s a memoir of the two months Christine Arnothy spent hiding with her family and many others in Hungary during World War 2. The title comes from what the young girl confessed to a priest who was smuggled in to meet with the group. The story is harrowing but well told. My daughter read it when she was in middle school and I wouldn’t offer it to a child much younger than 6th grade.
October 16, 2011
This is a harrowing and realistic account of a city at war through the eyes of a child, back before such accounts became popular (Zlata Filipovic's diary, anyone?) However, I don't understand why the second half was included. It too was interesting, but it had so little to do with the first part that they might as well have been separate books.
January 6, 2023
من این کتاب رو با ترجمه ی قاصم صنعوی خوندم و واقعا تجربه ی بی نظیری بود.
March 13, 2022
This is so good. I like how "I Am Fifteen-and I Don't Want to Die" is a true story about the author herself. It is hard to read about all the horrible things a fifteen year old saw during the siege of Budapest.
April 27, 2019
I hated this book. Not because it was badly written. It was quite well done (though the ending was odd). I hate it because it happened, that humans are so cruel and evil. And we never learn.
April 19, 2019
I have read this book over and over again because this is one of my favorite books it is adventurous and creative but it also shows what has happened all those years ago in world war 2 in Hungary bupdest i am in 2019 and i have never experience war or death before i am 11 maybe i have been to a few funeral's but i have never seen anyone killed in cold blood murdered or slaughter and i never want to see any of those to those who have not read the book I encourage u it is amazing and it Is reality....
December 11, 2012
Christine is 15 and hiding out with her family in Budapest during World War II. They sit in a cold, dark cellar as war rages around them. They have to survive through hunger and soldiers. They have to get out of the city.
This book was really hard to get into. I found it boring but at the same time, I could tell that it was well written. There were moments that were compelling, but overall I had to force myself to read it.
This book was really hard to get into. I found it boring but at the same time, I could tell that it was well written. There were moments that were compelling, but overall I had to force myself to read it.
March 2, 2014
A bit of a sprawling story that started out rather interestingly as you read about her struggles to survive at the end of the war, in war torn Hungary and her eventual exile. The pace rather slowed down as she settled into married life and a life as a domestic help/aspiring writer. Some of the events in the book are quite hard to read in the sense you are reading about true life atrocities that befell people during the war.
July 19, 2020
An interesting story to tell, but the story at times became over long and lost my attention, as it heavily detailed other least interesting and at times ( I felt) irrelevant information.
December 5, 2022
کتاب به شدت خوشخوان و جدابی بود هر چند من ترجمه پرویز شهدی را خواندم و به نظر می امد بخش هایی از کتاب سانسور شده است
October 5, 2023
I remember reading what I'm pretty sure was the abridged version of this book back in sixth grade ("I am Fifteen and I don't want to Die", which is 126 pages to this book's 228). I remembered certain things- Christine's housemates in the cellar, her confession to the visiting priest, the lack of food and resources, her all-encompassing pity toward a dog the family was forced to abandon. But I remembered nothing at all about her desire to write a novel, her series of low-level jobs, her marriage or pregnancy. In short, I'm glad that I picked up the novel again.
Funnily enough, what inspired me to reread it was the American shortage of baby formula back in 2022, which led parents to resort to extraordinary measures to obtain a case or two, or else make their own. I was reminded of the scene where Istvan "Pista" Nagy, another cellar dweller who was invaluable to the group's survival, collected a series of goods for the others before getting shot in the act. Ilus, a young woman with a baby, cried with relief over several tins of powdered milk that would sustain her baby for a few more days. Pista was one of the few characters, along with her parents, that Christine spoke of lovingly. She seemed to have a lot of contempt for most people, including her first husband.
In spite of the title, Christine is only fifteen for the first third of the book. The rest follows her life as refugee while living in other parts of Europe, including Vienna and Paris. I love survival stories, and that was what kept me engaged. Christine's description of their ever-changing living situation, the people they'd meet, and their struggles while travelling (crossing the frontier in winter by moonlight, while wearing literally ALL the clothes they owned; to back-to-back train trips for days without sleep)- and the family's constant need to rely on the kindness of strangers.
There aren't a lot of novels about the Siege of Budapest, so I'm glad this book exists. The ending is a little less than satisfying- she leaves some very important things out of the Afterword. The time jumps were also a little disjointed- she would describe certain parts of her life in minute detail, then skip ahead for several months, or a year. There is also a flashback to her childhood, where she develops her love of literature and witnesses a beloved family member's death. Christine describes herself as "prone to melancholy", which I understood on a deep level. The first few and the last few chapters are the most engaging- some of the middle parts felt like a slog, but from chapter twenty-one on, I was much more invested.
I wish her first novel "Wanda" had actually been published- I would have loved to read it.
Funnily enough, what inspired me to reread it was the American shortage of baby formula back in 2022, which led parents to resort to extraordinary measures to obtain a case or two, or else make their own. I was reminded of the scene where Istvan "Pista" Nagy, another cellar dweller who was invaluable to the group's survival, collected a series of goods for the others before getting shot in the act. Ilus, a young woman with a baby, cried with relief over several tins of powdered milk that would sustain her baby for a few more days. Pista was one of the few characters, along with her parents, that Christine spoke of lovingly. She seemed to have a lot of contempt for most people, including her first husband.
In spite of the title, Christine is only fifteen for the first third of the book. The rest follows her life as refugee while living in other parts of Europe, including Vienna and Paris. I love survival stories, and that was what kept me engaged. Christine's description of their ever-changing living situation, the people they'd meet, and their struggles while travelling (crossing the frontier in winter by moonlight, while wearing literally ALL the clothes they owned; to back-to-back train trips for days without sleep)- and the family's constant need to rely on the kindness of strangers.
There aren't a lot of novels about the Siege of Budapest, so I'm glad this book exists. The ending is a little less than satisfying- she leaves some very important things out of the Afterword. The time jumps were also a little disjointed- she would describe certain parts of her life in minute detail, then skip ahead for several months, or a year. There is also a flashback to her childhood, where she develops her love of literature and witnesses a beloved family member's death. Christine describes herself as "prone to melancholy", which I understood on a deep level. The first few and the last few chapters are the most engaging- some of the middle parts felt like a slog, but from chapter twenty-one on, I was much more invested.
I wish her first novel "Wanda" had actually been published- I would have loved to read it.
December 11, 2018
The central idea of I am fifteen - and don’t want to die revolves around cherishing life. In the beginning, Christine values her life because of the hardships that she has experienced. The starvation and constant fear helps her little community to see the worth of their lives. This idea is developed when Christine and her family escape and begin to live a peaceful life of luxury. At this point, she says that life seemed less special and it lost meaning every day. Only when they again ran away did Christine realize that she had not fully experienced the joys of life and had lost her childhood too early to the pains of war. This novel shows the frailty of life and helps readers to appreciate their own lives.
One word is repeated often throughout the book. That word is ‘fear’. When defined by a dictionary, fear means an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat. This definition makes fear appear tame or unintense. The book describes fear by showing the day to day life of Christine and the sorrow that she sees. This dictionary definition does not in any way include sorrow. But, Christine’s fear was constantly linked to sorrows such as physical pain, death, and loneliness. However, she never felt joy and fear in the same moment even when fear was never endingly accompanied by sorrow. The word ‘fear’ no longer meant a dictionary definition by the end of the book. The vivid pictures that are painted helped me, as a reader, to feel fear as an emotion instead of viewing it as a definition.
I loved this book! Although it is very sad and has a lot of death, the pain in Christine’s life helped me to have gratitude for my own life.The moment that touched me the most happened when Christine and her family ran away for the second time and were forced to leave behind their loyal dog. The description of the loneliness she felt was hard to read, but it showed Christine’s endurance and strength. This book is very well written, although I probably won’t read it again because of the despair it describes.
One word is repeated often throughout the book. That word is ‘fear’. When defined by a dictionary, fear means an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat. This definition makes fear appear tame or unintense. The book describes fear by showing the day to day life of Christine and the sorrow that she sees. This dictionary definition does not in any way include sorrow. But, Christine’s fear was constantly linked to sorrows such as physical pain, death, and loneliness. However, she never felt joy and fear in the same moment even when fear was never endingly accompanied by sorrow. The word ‘fear’ no longer meant a dictionary definition by the end of the book. The vivid pictures that are painted helped me, as a reader, to feel fear as an emotion instead of viewing it as a definition.
I loved this book! Although it is very sad and has a lot of death, the pain in Christine’s life helped me to have gratitude for my own life.The moment that touched me the most happened when Christine and her family ran away for the second time and were forced to leave behind their loyal dog. The description of the loneliness she felt was hard to read, but it showed Christine’s endurance and strength. This book is very well written, although I probably won’t read it again because of the despair it describes.
October 30, 2022
I read the 2019 softcover edition published by Collins. Its cover us different from the one on GoodReads. The story was translated from French by Antonia White with additional translation in 2009 by Catherine Castledine.
I found the story difficult to get into at first. Part One of the book is set in Pudapest and told in gruesome and harrowing detail. In particular the family's hiding in the cellar surrounded by war and death. That is where the title of her book originates. She is 15 at the time in 1944. She and her parents are able to escape eventually and live three years in their country home.
Part Two evolves into the family's escape from communist Hungary to Vienna in 1948. However, they are not safe there either and end up in an allied refugee camp in Germany. The author is very good at describing fear and fatigue to its tiniest components. Part two also describes her subsequent departure from her parents to make a life of her own in France.
As a whole, I found the story disjointed. Perhaps it was the translation or the lack of timeline. Perhaps it is my own lack of understanding the Hungarian experience of WW2 and its subsequent occupation by Russia communism.
I also found it confusing that she married Georges and had a baby girl, but somehow missed reading about what happened to them? Did she divorce Georges, was she ever married to him, did she give up the baby girl?
In the end she falls in love with her publisher Claude Bellanger and, according to Wikipedia, has two sons, Pierre and François. The afterword of this book only mentions their son François.
Christine Arnothy is not her real name. She died in 2015.
P.S. I understand now that Part Two of the version I read was a separate book under the title "It is not easy to live".
I found the story difficult to get into at first. Part One of the book is set in Pudapest and told in gruesome and harrowing detail. In particular the family's hiding in the cellar surrounded by war and death. That is where the title of her book originates. She is 15 at the time in 1944. She and her parents are able to escape eventually and live three years in their country home.
Part Two evolves into the family's escape from communist Hungary to Vienna in 1948. However, they are not safe there either and end up in an allied refugee camp in Germany. The author is very good at describing fear and fatigue to its tiniest components. Part two also describes her subsequent departure from her parents to make a life of her own in France.
As a whole, I found the story disjointed. Perhaps it was the translation or the lack of timeline. Perhaps it is my own lack of understanding the Hungarian experience of WW2 and its subsequent occupation by Russia communism.
I also found it confusing that she married Georges and had a baby girl, but somehow missed reading about what happened to them? Did she divorce Georges, was she ever married to him, did she give up the baby girl?
In the end she falls in love with her publisher Claude Bellanger and, according to Wikipedia, has two sons, Pierre and François. The afterword of this book only mentions their son François.
Christine Arnothy is not her real name. She died in 2015.
P.S. I understand now that Part Two of the version I read was a separate book under the title "It is not easy to live".
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
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September 28, 2022I've read a few books on World War II experiences now, and this one, despite mainly being set around the cellar they live in for most of the book, struck a particular emotional chord with me. It is pretty bleak, although not quite stomach turning like Grave of the Fireflies. She is quite minimal in what she shares with the reader, focusing only on the experiences at that time. We don't know what her life was like before, and the three years spent living in a cottage when they escape from the cellar is breezed over. As another reviewer has pointed out the reason for some of the decisions is unclear which is a little frustrating, but perhaps her parents never told her and she was unaware. This focus on purely the experience and no further, emphasises the bleakness. Oh I did feel so sorry for the horses and the dog! While I did feel somewhat dissatisfied with the ending, and wanted to know more about what happened to her, apparently there is a sequel - It is not so easy to live.
April 6, 2022
I read a translated book in swedish which was a big misstake since the translation was really bad with bad grammar. I did like the story though, I appreciated the new perspective I got on the second world war and I liked that the scene weren’t always very descriptive. I could still se everything that happened in my head and I understood everyones feelings but it didn’t become this overwhelming terror of the scenes which probably would make it hard for me to finish the book, since I’m a very sensitive person for that kind of stuff. And just knowing that people actually went trough this and worse. This people are so strong and I think you get the ability to understand them better if you read this kind of stories, even if you never will be able to fully comprehend it all. Amazing writing (besides the translation) and a terrible but still heartwarming story about 15 year old Christine and her parents. I tought it would be hard to keep track if everybody but that was not a problem. I really recomend eveyone to read this book, it’s short and portraits a story too many people had to go trough. And a lot unfortunetly didn’t make it.
June 14, 2023
Very impressive autobiographical work by Arnothy, who survived the war in a basement below her appartment block while the Germans and Russians where fighting right above her. She was there with her parents and neighbours, they didn't have food or water, hardly any light, no medical supplies and no way to wash.
When the Russians finally 'liberate' the city, it's not over... They force people to work and rape women. The 15 year old narrator survives partly because she cuts her hair and dresses like a boy, pretending to have a broken arm so the Russians will think she's not suitable for work.
It's the harshest form of reality, every time you expect some relief, it doesn't come, often even gets worse. It's dirty and full of violence and death, people lose their humanity because at some point it's only about survival. It's one long nightmare. I'd recommend it if you want to understand what it was really like to live during that time. Especially to be a young girl, to have to grow up too fast.
"L'histore est à ce point inhumaine qu'elle ne laisse la moindre échappatoire, même pas pour une larme."
When the Russians finally 'liberate' the city, it's not over... They force people to work and rape women. The 15 year old narrator survives partly because she cuts her hair and dresses like a boy, pretending to have a broken arm so the Russians will think she's not suitable for work.
It's the harshest form of reality, every time you expect some relief, it doesn't come, often even gets worse. It's dirty and full of violence and death, people lose their humanity because at some point it's only about survival. It's one long nightmare. I'd recommend it if you want to understand what it was really like to live during that time. Especially to be a young girl, to have to grow up too fast.
"L'histore est à ce point inhumaine qu'elle ne laisse la moindre échappatoire, même pas pour une larme."
January 10, 2021
This book was so beautiful yet heartbreaking at the same time. It honestly is such a good story but I didn't love the way it was told. I found it hard to get into and sometimes I had to force myself to continue going because it wasn't that interesting. Considering the shocking events in this book, I think it could be written in a more impacting way, I somehow felt as if the author was glossing over everything and it was hard to read the main character's feelings. But I have to admit, this was a very touching book, I did shed a little tear at the end and I loved learning what it was like in Hungary during WW II (I honestly knew nothing about it before) It's also crazy how this is the true story of the author, very very impacting and hard events. In conclusion, I have very mixed feelings about this book. I would recommend it to someone who really likes this topic and has no problem with slow-paced books. I'm glad that I read it but as I was reading it, it wasn't the most enjoyable thing.
September 6, 2025
L'histoire en elle-même peut sembler banale au premier abord, un fait divers de guerre, mais elle est servie par une écriture si captivante que j'ai été plongée dedans. Christine Arnothy utilise des métaphores très évocatrices et l'écriture est superbe et fluide, simple mais sophistiquée.
Je retiens : une description vraiment convaincante de Budapest et l'atmosphère morbide qui y régnait ; sa solitude et sa mélancolie de ne pas connaître l'amour dans sa jeunesse (auquel je me suis un peu identifiée... l'autrice était scorpion, entre scorpions on se comprend haha) ; le danger de traverser la frontière en pleine nuit avec l'aide d'un passeur... Une odeur suspecte et le camembert retrouvé dans la valise d'un invité Anglais (ça m'a fait sourire, au début je pensais que l'anglais fumait de la beuh... 😂).
Je retiens : une description vraiment convaincante de Budapest et l'atmosphère morbide qui y régnait ; sa solitude et sa mélancolie de ne pas connaître l'amour dans sa jeunesse (auquel je me suis un peu identifiée... l'autrice était scorpion, entre scorpions on se comprend haha) ; le danger de traverser la frontière en pleine nuit avec l'aide d'un passeur... Une odeur suspecte et le camembert retrouvé dans la valise d'un invité Anglais (ça m'a fait sourire, au début je pensais que l'anglais fumait de la beuh... 😂).
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
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