I had a spiritual experience reading this book. I was talking to my therapist and he pressed this book into my hands, saying “this book is talking about what you’re talking about.” I have no idea what I was even talking about at the time. What I do know is that later, when I took an epic 30 day trip across the country with my wife, when I was casting about for which books to bring with me, this is one of the two I ended up grabbing, in part because of how small and portable it is.
And so there I was in all of these beautiful places—parking our camper van for the night in Red Rock Coulee in Alberta, or a parking lot just outside Yellowstone, or on a mountainside logging road overlooking Hungry Horse Reservoir in Montana, or on Shadow Mountain looking out at the Grand Tetons in Wyoming—and each night, I would settle into my bed next to my wife and crack open this book for a few pages.
And a few pages is all it ever took to have a spiritual experience. Chuck C, the guy who wrote* this book, experienced profound life change when he worked the AA program. When he first came in, he was too shy to even get a sponsor—he would just sidle up next to other people that were talking after a meeting and eavesdrop to gain wisdom from them and figure out how he needed to work the steps. While I haven’t done that, I can totally relate to the embarrassment to ask someone else to “sponsor” me—asking for help never came naturally to me either.
He was also quite the self-centered asshole when he came into the program. He had wrecked all of his relationships with others. His wife was filing for divorce, his kids wanted nothing to do with him, his boss told him that if he ever showed his face at work again he would throw him through the window. But something beautiful happened: he realized how thoroughly he had ruined his life and everything that mattered to him. And so he adopted an attitude of realizing that he had lost his “right” to anything. He told his wife and kids, I don’t have a right to be in relationship with you. But I want to do anything I can to help repair the debt I owe you, so I just ask that if there’s ever anything I can do for you, that you will let me know so I can do it. And he told his boss, hey, I know you said you would throw me out the window for showing up again, and I know I’ve lost my job. I don’t deserve it. But I owe a debt to the company. So, if you’ll let me, I’d like to just show up and work until the debt is paid, and after that I’ll clear out my desk and leave.
Years later: his wife still hasn’t divorced him, his kids all love having him in their lives, and he never got around to clearing out his desk. In fact, after working at that company (which he used to constantly complain about, before recovery) for many years, he ended up buying his boss out of the business and owning it and running it for decades. When he sold the business to retire, he said every one of the guys who worked for him cried—big, tough contractors who worked with their hands—they cried.
Some of his stories seem impossible to believe. But I actually believe him. Because I’ve seen the transformative, regenerative power of God at work in people’s lives before. I’ve seen it enough times that I can “smell it” so to speak, when someone tells me a story like this, I can “smell” when it’s not BS—it’s the real deal. I never knew Chuck C., but I’ve gotten to see some of these other recovery stories unfold before my very eyes.
So anyways, he adapts this attitude of radical surrender, surrendering having any “rights” to anything. And perhaps the most remarkable part of his story, to me anyways, is how he conducted business. Instead of trying to convince people to give him business, he instead went out looking for what he could do for others. He wouldn’t make them sign any contract up front. He would just do the best work he could for them, and afterward they would ask him for a bill, and he would say to just pay him whatever they thought it was worth. Or if they insisted, he would write up a bill, but he wouldn’t charge for his own mistakes. And yet the people he did business with would pay him more than he asked for. And over time what happened is, when someone wanted his services, they wouldn’t even create a bid for it. They would just say, Chuck is getting this job. They wouldn’t even let other contractors bid against him. This pissed off his competitors, who came to him to try to learn his secret for playing the game so well…he would tell them outright how he did things. But they wouldn’t or couldn’t ever believe him. They would say, “you can’t do business this way. You’re a damn liar.”
But again, as crazy as his stories sound, I actually believe it. That’s not the kind of thing that people make up; he has nothing to gain by making it up. And I’ve seen crazy things like that happen.
So anyways, I was reading this book every night and started praying, “Higher Power…what if I lived this way? I’m scared to…but…what if?” Living life in such a way that you’re thinking always about what you can do to help other people instead of yourself. It’s a tough pill to swallow. It’s hard to let go that utterly. And honestly, I don’t even know if I can, if I have enough willingness. But I’m intrigued enough that I think I’m going to try to live this way, just a little bit, one experiment at a time. I’ve already implemented it in one area—I won’t go into the details on it, but suffice it to say…it was actually quite the liberating experience. So far the results are that this way of life is really worth it.
Can I really apply it as radically as Chuck C did? Maybe not. But I don’t have to worry about that. Maybe I can try it just for today.
I just can’t capture all of the other nuggets of wisdom packed into this little book. It’s profound, transformative if you let it be. It’s not an impressive book—it’s just a transcript of a talk he gave at an AA retreat, not really edited to make it more readable or streamlined or anything. It’s very plain. But the words are life-giving. So how can I criticize and give it anything less than five stars when it’s impacted me so deeply?
*Technically he didn’t “write” it; this book is a transcript of a talk he gave.