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Labor of Love: The Story of One Man's Extraordinary Pregnancy
Thomas Beatie electrified the world in April 2008 with his announcement that he was seven months pregnant and due to give birth in July. The news made headlines across the globe, but it's only one chapter in a fascinating saga. Labor of Love reveals Beatie's unique life experiences; his less-than-idyllic childhood in Hawaii, his feelings of being a young man trapped in the body of a woman, his fight to conceive a child, and the obstacles surrounding the delivery. This astonishing narrative permits an intimate look at a family that refuses to let other people's definitions of family deter them from creating one on their own terms. Labor of Love is much more than the story of a unique pregnancy and birth; it's a beautiful and controversial love story about going against the tide, a powerful statement about the evolution of family and identity in the new millennium.
329 pages, Hardcover
First published November 3, 2008
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 38 reviews
April 28, 2011
Since the topic of trans parenting and trans pregnancy are not new to me, I was mostly interested in reading this author's particular story. As a memoir, it was interesting. The author's (understandable) defensiveness came across too often in the writing style, though, and I felt it made the latter part of the book seem shallow, like a well-reasoned argument with telling examples rather than a story. That contrasted significantly with the earlier part of the book, describing his childhood, most of which read as much more real and authentic.
A couple of things bothered me.
I was annoyed by the hetero-normativity in his insistence that he was the first man "and husband" to give birth. Would it make his experience any less remarkable if he were the first unwed father to give birth? The first partnered gay father in a state without marriage rights?
I also was not comfortable with how he validated his own experience as a "man" after starting to transition while referring to another post-transition FTM as a "woman," since the other man gave birth before changing his legal paperwork to male (according to Beatie---I have no idea that last part's true...and my point is that it should be completely irrelevant.) Surely the trouble Beatie had getting medical treatment as a legal male clued him in to why someone might wait to change their legal status to male until *after* having a child. If Beatie is, as he asserts, the kind of person who would let nothing stand in his way of something he'd decided to do, then he might well have decided to not submit legal sex change paperwork before getting pregnant, if he had realized the trouble he would encounter.
Also as a birth-parent with a partner who is very involved in our home and my son's daily life, I was saddened by Beatie's repeated reference to having a baby as "starting a family" with his wife. This comes up often as he argues how normal and understandable his desire to have a biological child was. Yet Beatie has two step-daughters whose lives he had been part of for around a decade when this book came out, both of whom had been children in the family home he shared with his wife in Hawaii. Was that not a family? Were his step-daughters somehow less real? Reading that made me sad for them.
That said, I came away from the story feeling that he and his family were more sympathetic than I expected. Reading it did help me to understand why he went public with his story, which was one of the big questions in my mind.
A couple of things bothered me.
I was annoyed by the hetero-normativity in his insistence that he was the first man "and husband" to give birth. Would it make his experience any less remarkable if he were the first unwed father to give birth? The first partnered gay father in a state without marriage rights?
I also was not comfortable with how he validated his own experience as a "man" after starting to transition while referring to another post-transition FTM as a "woman," since the other man gave birth before changing his legal paperwork to male (according to Beatie---I have no idea that last part's true...and my point is that it should be completely irrelevant.) Surely the trouble Beatie had getting medical treatment as a legal male clued him in to why someone might wait to change their legal status to male until *after* having a child. If Beatie is, as he asserts, the kind of person who would let nothing stand in his way of something he'd decided to do, then he might well have decided to not submit legal sex change paperwork before getting pregnant, if he had realized the trouble he would encounter.
Also as a birth-parent with a partner who is very involved in our home and my son's daily life, I was saddened by Beatie's repeated reference to having a baby as "starting a family" with his wife. This comes up often as he argues how normal and understandable his desire to have a biological child was. Yet Beatie has two step-daughters whose lives he had been part of for around a decade when this book came out, both of whom had been children in the family home he shared with his wife in Hawaii. Was that not a family? Were his step-daughters somehow less real? Reading that made me sad for them.
That said, I came away from the story feeling that he and his family were more sympathetic than I expected. Reading it did help me to understand why he went public with his story, which was one of the big questions in my mind.
April 28, 2022
Kind of outdated now, but then again, this book came out fifteen years ago and big changes have happened in just the last few. Parts of this really made me cringe -like the constant insistence of being "the first", when we know it's not true. Men have been having babies for as long as there have been transpeople, which is always. This is a very binary, nuclear family oriented version of a life as well, but hey, it's one person's story and everyone has the right to tell their own story the way they want to. Undeniably, Beatie going public started conversations that someone had to be the first one to start and we should all be grateful the conversations about and with transpeople are occasionally a bit more civil today -thanks also to a lot of other activists and public figures.
Most importantly though, what happened to the birds? I wish there were pictures. :-( I even stalked his insta, but not a single bird anywhere in sight. It's kind of mean to say you have birds and then not let them play any kind of a role in the story, anywhere, imo, just saying.
Most importantly though, what happened to the birds? I wish there were pictures. :-( I even stalked his insta, but not a single bird anywhere in sight. It's kind of mean to say you have birds and then not let them play any kind of a role in the story, anywhere, imo, just saying.
March 18, 2009
When Thomas Beatie transitioned from female to male, he and his partner, Nancy got married, bought a house, and wanted a baby. Nancy was unable to get pregnant, and after considering all the options, the couple concluded that he would bear the child.
Reasoning that people were going to find out anyway, they decided to tell the press, first by sending an article to the Advocate (a major gay paper). While they felt the Advocate made light of the story, reactions among the LGBT community were definitely felt, and (what Beatie doesn't mention) the news made all kinds of email lists, and spread rapidly throughout the community.
While professing, rather defensively, at times, to want to live a quiet heterosexual life together in their small town, Thomas and Nancy then decided to tell their story to People magazine, and to appear on a television show, and the news hit the mainstream like wildfire.
Despite wanting to live their heterosexual life without Beatie being "read" as ftm, Beatie expresses a fair amount of resentment toward the LGBT community for what he perceives as a lack of support. As a same-sex couple, Tracy (Thomas) and Nancy, were very active in the struggle for same-sex marriage in Hawaii, and yet were surprised and hurt when the community showed them less support after they used their newly heterosexual privilege to get married.
While they have every right to desire a heterosexual life, it seems clear that they abandoned the LGBT community at least as much as they were (or felt) abandoned by it. Beatie noted that his company lost a fair amount of business from the LGBT community, but quickly, and rather defensively says that it was more than made up for by business from the straight world. He seems to lack understanding about the political impact of their choice when they went from being spokespeople for same-sex marriage to disappearing into heterosexuality.
The occasional defensiveness Beatie expresses detract from an interesting story.
The implications of a pregnant man are fascinating, and open new possibilities in reproductive freedom. One wishes the couple the best of luck.
Reasoning that people were going to find out anyway, they decided to tell the press, first by sending an article to the Advocate (a major gay paper). While they felt the Advocate made light of the story, reactions among the LGBT community were definitely felt, and (what Beatie doesn't mention) the news made all kinds of email lists, and spread rapidly throughout the community.
While professing, rather defensively, at times, to want to live a quiet heterosexual life together in their small town, Thomas and Nancy then decided to tell their story to People magazine, and to appear on a television show, and the news hit the mainstream like wildfire.
Despite wanting to live their heterosexual life without Beatie being "read" as ftm, Beatie expresses a fair amount of resentment toward the LGBT community for what he perceives as a lack of support. As a same-sex couple, Tracy (Thomas) and Nancy, were very active in the struggle for same-sex marriage in Hawaii, and yet were surprised and hurt when the community showed them less support after they used their newly heterosexual privilege to get married.
While they have every right to desire a heterosexual life, it seems clear that they abandoned the LGBT community at least as much as they were (or felt) abandoned by it. Beatie noted that his company lost a fair amount of business from the LGBT community, but quickly, and rather defensively says that it was more than made up for by business from the straight world. He seems to lack understanding about the political impact of their choice when they went from being spokespeople for same-sex marriage to disappearing into heterosexuality.
The occasional defensiveness Beatie expresses detract from an interesting story.
The implications of a pregnant man are fascinating, and open new possibilities in reproductive freedom. One wishes the couple the best of luck.
March 4, 2009
I wish I had paid more attention to the media portrayals of Beatie, so I could compare my thoughts from before with those I have after having read his book. Since I don't watch television, I'm left with only my impressions from having read his words. His story is much simpler than one would expect and he seems like a perfectly normal person, and by that, I mean, despite his being an FTM transperson, he seems very mainstream in his desires, general values, and his roles.
This was a pretty well-written book. Either Beatie is actually a pretty good writer or his ghost writer was especially good. Either way, the book flowed along nicely and I got a good sense of Beatie's childhood and his current life.
This was a pretty well-written book. Either Beatie is actually a pretty good writer or his ghost writer was especially good. Either way, the book flowed along nicely and I got a good sense of Beatie's childhood and his current life.
June 6, 2019
Labor of Love: The Story of One Man's Extraordinary Pregnancy is an autobiography written by Thomas Beatie. This memoir chronicles the fight for his right to have a child and written shortly after his first child was born.
Thomas Trace Beatie is an American public speaker, author, and advocate of transgender and sexuality issues, with a focus on transgender fertility and reproductive rights. Beatie, a trans man, had gender reassignment surgery in March 2002 and became known as "The Pregnant Man" after he became pregnant through artificial insemination in 2007. Beatie chose to be pregnant because his wife Nancy was infertile, doing so with cryogenic donated sperm.
Born a girl in Hawaii to a violent, unpredictable father and a caring mother, who committed suicide while Beatie was a teen, Beatie learned to understand the nature of his identity against a backdrop dominated by fear and instability.
For the most part, the memoir reads predictably until Beatie and Nancy, begin their struggles to get pregnant with daughter Susan. Discovering his wife’s infertility, Beatie decides to carry his child and became the first pregnant man and chronicles the difficult path he had to take.
Labor of Love: The Story of One Man's Extraordinary Pregnancy is written somewhat well. Beatie is a detailed and engaging writer, relating his upbringing, his romance with wife Nancy and the process of transitioning from female to male with humility, honesty and plenty of opinion, and little to court sensation or controversy.
Once Beatie finds his focus in the obstacles he and his wife faced and overcame, his account becomes a compelling, unique narrative. Beatie's straightforward, apolitical style and compelling storytelling makes the memoir easy to connect.
All in all, Labor of Love: The Story of One Man's Extraordinary Pregnancy is a somewhat written memoir of a man trying to fight for the right to have a family and became the first pregnant man in the process.
Thomas Trace Beatie is an American public speaker, author, and advocate of transgender and sexuality issues, with a focus on transgender fertility and reproductive rights. Beatie, a trans man, had gender reassignment surgery in March 2002 and became known as "The Pregnant Man" after he became pregnant through artificial insemination in 2007. Beatie chose to be pregnant because his wife Nancy was infertile, doing so with cryogenic donated sperm.
Born a girl in Hawaii to a violent, unpredictable father and a caring mother, who committed suicide while Beatie was a teen, Beatie learned to understand the nature of his identity against a backdrop dominated by fear and instability.
For the most part, the memoir reads predictably until Beatie and Nancy, begin their struggles to get pregnant with daughter Susan. Discovering his wife’s infertility, Beatie decides to carry his child and became the first pregnant man and chronicles the difficult path he had to take.
Labor of Love: The Story of One Man's Extraordinary Pregnancy is written somewhat well. Beatie is a detailed and engaging writer, relating his upbringing, his romance with wife Nancy and the process of transitioning from female to male with humility, honesty and plenty of opinion, and little to court sensation or controversy.
Once Beatie finds his focus in the obstacles he and his wife faced and overcame, his account becomes a compelling, unique narrative. Beatie's straightforward, apolitical style and compelling storytelling makes the memoir easy to connect.
All in all, Labor of Love: The Story of One Man's Extraordinary Pregnancy is a somewhat written memoir of a man trying to fight for the right to have a family and became the first pregnant man in the process.
January 18, 2009
Reading a lot of the early portions of this book (about Beatie's childhood) I felt somewhat bored -- I'm not a big reader of (auto)biographies and was primarily interested in the development of his gender identity, which turned out to be in a lot of ways a very minor part of his story (which certainly makes sense in some ways -- my gender identity comes up almost not at all when I tell stories of my life, and this would remain true even were I to tell The story of my life) -- though as the story progressed, the relevance of some of the childhood stories becomes clearer.
I'd been oblivious to most of the media frenzy around this story, but after a coworker talked about with some mixed feelings (early December 2008, after 20/20's "Most Fascinating People of 2008") I ILL-ed a copy of this book to better equipped to participate in discussions about this specific situation (beyond broad philosophical arguments like "No, really, the fact that their kid might get harassed because of who her parents are should not be a compelling reason for them to not have a child"), so I appreciated having a clearer understanding of the trajectory of their decision to "go public."
While I didn't personally find the story all that compelling, I'm also not one of the people who need to be convinced of the "okay-ness" of any of Beatie's choices. It's hard for me to say how convincing I think this would be to people who would need to be "convinced" -- though his relationship with his wife and their desire to have a child come across as so natural and good.
I also really want to read Eric Carle's Mister Seahorse now -- from p. 312:
[[ Recently, I found a book called Mr. Seahorse by Eric Carle. It's a delightful and colorful children's book that explains how a pregnant male seahorse travels around the ocean, meeting other male fish who carry their own babies: the stickleback, tilapia, nurseryfish, pipefish, and bullhead catfish. I've already begun reading the book to Susan. Page by page, I point to the growing male seahorse and explain to her that I, her father, did just that with her. On the final page, I show her all of the babies Mr. Seahorse gave birth yo, but let her know that all I had was one special baby--and I point to her. Susan will always know the truth about where she came from. ]]
Chapter 17 ("What People Say") included various reader comments from various blogs on their story, and this is possibly my favorite (from p. 288):
[[ We as women so often curse and say, "If only a guy could give birth for a change, so he can tell other guys exactly what we go through and the hardships that come with making a beautiful child"--[and now we're:] complaining that finally one can do just that. ]]
I'd been oblivious to most of the media frenzy around this story, but after a coworker talked about with some mixed feelings (early December 2008, after 20/20's "Most Fascinating People of 2008") I ILL-ed a copy of this book to better equipped to participate in discussions about this specific situation (beyond broad philosophical arguments like "No, really, the fact that their kid might get harassed because of who her parents are should not be a compelling reason for them to not have a child"), so I appreciated having a clearer understanding of the trajectory of their decision to "go public."
While I didn't personally find the story all that compelling, I'm also not one of the people who need to be convinced of the "okay-ness" of any of Beatie's choices. It's hard for me to say how convincing I think this would be to people who would need to be "convinced" -- though his relationship with his wife and their desire to have a child come across as so natural and good.
I also really want to read Eric Carle's Mister Seahorse now -- from p. 312:
[[ Recently, I found a book called Mr. Seahorse by Eric Carle. It's a delightful and colorful children's book that explains how a pregnant male seahorse travels around the ocean, meeting other male fish who carry their own babies: the stickleback, tilapia, nurseryfish, pipefish, and bullhead catfish. I've already begun reading the book to Susan. Page by page, I point to the growing male seahorse and explain to her that I, her father, did just that with her. On the final page, I show her all of the babies Mr. Seahorse gave birth yo, but let her know that all I had was one special baby--and I point to her. Susan will always know the truth about where she came from. ]]
Chapter 17 ("What People Say") included various reader comments from various blogs on their story, and this is possibly my favorite (from p. 288):
[[ We as women so often curse and say, "If only a guy could give birth for a change, so he can tell other guys exactly what we go through and the hardships that come with making a beautiful child"--[and now we're:] complaining that finally one can do just that. ]]
July 16, 2009
I picked up this book because I was hoping for an intersection of my interest in celebrity with my "interest" in trans/gender people & deviant family structures. Ok, if you know me at all you might be able to guess that I am practically the perfect audience for a book about The World's First Pregnant Man (we're all still choking on that, right? just making sure). I mean, really. I could have loved this book, despite the obvious political issues I might have with the way Thomas's pregnancy was so sensationalized, over-exposed & sold to the media.
This book failed me (and you, and all of us) in a myriad of ways. I might as well just admit that it was impossible for me to read this straight through. There's a complete lack of engaging writing. This is coming from someone who really enjoyed Tori Spelling's recent book MOMMYWOOD, okay? It doesn't take much to keep me engaged. So, I ended up skipping around a lot.
Near the end of my time with this book, I realized it was like reading the boring diary of someone boring. Worse than that, a vapid, boring person who you don't know, don't get to know, and have nothing invested in. I could write a diatribe about all the ways that Thomas Beatie's journey is harmful to trans activism and struggles, but I feel like that should be obvious. You already knew that. Right? OK.
Extra-painful highlights: the "before" pictures in the centerfold. I want to give Thomas the benefit of the doubt and believe that the publisher demanded them. REGARDLESS, what's with the insatiable need for "before" and "after" pictures of people? That's some HGTV cable tv makeover bullshit right there.
This book failed me (and you, and all of us) in a myriad of ways. I might as well just admit that it was impossible for me to read this straight through. There's a complete lack of engaging writing. This is coming from someone who really enjoyed Tori Spelling's recent book MOMMYWOOD, okay? It doesn't take much to keep me engaged. So, I ended up skipping around a lot.
Near the end of my time with this book, I realized it was like reading the boring diary of someone boring. Worse than that, a vapid, boring person who you don't know, don't get to know, and have nothing invested in. I could write a diatribe about all the ways that Thomas Beatie's journey is harmful to trans activism and struggles, but I feel like that should be obvious. You already knew that. Right? OK.
Extra-painful highlights: the "before" pictures in the centerfold. I want to give Thomas the benefit of the doubt and believe that the publisher demanded them. REGARDLESS, what's with the insatiable need for "before" and "after" pictures of people? That's some HGTV cable tv makeover bullshit right there.
February 11, 2019
It's a compelling story that I wish there was more of. I understand that Beatie wanted to convey how his difficult upbringing affected the decisions he and his (now ex) wife to start their own family, but he ends up rushing through the most interesting parts of his struggle with his gender identity and, the thing the book really promises to deliver (ha ha) on - his pregnancy. Further, the writing itself only comes alive when talking passionately about his struggle as the first pregnant man. The rest is hyperbolic and overwrought.
I will confess, I felt my own guilt keenly as I read - I have come to understand the complexity of gender, but when I first heard his story a decade ago, I had similar reactions to others, wondering why he couldn't just pick a gender or saw being male as an immutable characteristic defined by narrow parameters. Hopefully, despite the book's flaws, others will confront their own prejudices too. (It's also why I wish he had spent more time in that area rather than the endless soliloquies on his father's abuse, which is important but ultimately not the core of the story.)
I will confess, I felt my own guilt keenly as I read - I have come to understand the complexity of gender, but when I first heard his story a decade ago, I had similar reactions to others, wondering why he couldn't just pick a gender or saw being male as an immutable characteristic defined by narrow parameters. Hopefully, despite the book's flaws, others will confront their own prejudices too. (It's also why I wish he had spent more time in that area rather than the endless soliloquies on his father's abuse, which is important but ultimately not the core of the story.)
March 10, 2020
Mr Beatie skewers the misconceptions about his case and tells his story with courage and intelligence. Very readable and fascinating.
October 8, 2019
Continuing my journey of reading stories outside of my own life experience. This brings up a lot of empathy and I enjoyed reading about Thomas & Nancy's love story.
July 31, 2012
I'm an LGBT ally who struggles with the trans part of the equation. I've had a few un-positive (I wouldn't classify them as truly BAD) experiences with trans folks, and just have a harder time relating to a gender spectrum than I do to a sexual preference spectrum. I have been trying to educate myself on trans issues in the hopes that this will make me more comfortable and accepting than I am now.
I'm not sure how I missed the author in the news, but I somehow managed to not know about 'the pregnant man'. So any impressions of Thomas Beatie and his family are based solely on this book and his version of the events. Since part of what I wanted was an internal monologue about 'becoming' or recognizing being transgendered, I wasn't terribly concerned with the 'ethics' of writing this book or all the news coverage.
The book was a fairly enjoyable read, but the early 'life story' about Beatie's family and childhood didn't do much for me. I understand that he was trying to lay out an understanding of his complicated relationship with his family, but it often came off as a vengeful way to embarass those who had wronged him - his father, brothers, exs, and the entire Hawaii LGBT activist community.
As the book goes on and Beatie matures he is able to start describing his transition - both mental and physical. His love story with his wife is sweet, and I was impressed by how non-plussed his step-daughters were. (I did wonder how much of that is accurate and how much is him trying to shield them from criticism.) The book picks up as he starts to adjust to his new self and the opportunities that begin to open.
As the decision to have a child is made and the process begins, parts are horribly painful to read. The reactions of medical professionals made me cringe and wish for more awareness training, but Beatie does a good job of not demonizing those who seem to act out of ignorance or habit. Just the process of finding someone willing to work with the couple honestly is pretty trying to read and built the sympathy up for some decisions I didn't agree with as much later.
Fortunately the bitterness that laces the earlier parts of the book doesn't continue, and the story of the pregnancy seems to focus more on the wonder of it than the frustrations.
I was surprised by both the reaction of the transgender community and the author's naivete about it. I can see how the community wants to minimize the 'freak flag' and see how Beatie's male privilege blinds his eyes to some of the concerns. But while I can understand the gay community feeling some resentment, I am somewhat baffled by the trans community's unwillingness to acknowledge a spectrum of gender beyond the male/female dichotomy. Perhaps this is part of my own ignorance and a lack of understanding of the challenges of being trans, or perhaps Beatie misrepresents some of the community's concerns. At any rate, the isolation the family feels is quite sad and disappointing.
Generally the book was interesting and raised some issues, though I would happily have done without most of the first half of the book. I had hoped to get more insight into the author's 'inner monologue' while he navigated the realization of his gender identity, but I can also understand that some of that is less conscious than I think it is.
I'm not sure I'd bother with the book unless you remember the news stories since I didn't find it a very helpful memoir of a transition. However, the writing was decent and it is a fascinating journey overall.
I'm not sure how I missed the author in the news, but I somehow managed to not know about 'the pregnant man'. So any impressions of Thomas Beatie and his family are based solely on this book and his version of the events. Since part of what I wanted was an internal monologue about 'becoming' or recognizing being transgendered, I wasn't terribly concerned with the 'ethics' of writing this book or all the news coverage.
The book was a fairly enjoyable read, but the early 'life story' about Beatie's family and childhood didn't do much for me. I understand that he was trying to lay out an understanding of his complicated relationship with his family, but it often came off as a vengeful way to embarass those who had wronged him - his father, brothers, exs, and the entire Hawaii LGBT activist community.
As the book goes on and Beatie matures he is able to start describing his transition - both mental and physical. His love story with his wife is sweet, and I was impressed by how non-plussed his step-daughters were. (I did wonder how much of that is accurate and how much is him trying to shield them from criticism.) The book picks up as he starts to adjust to his new self and the opportunities that begin to open.
As the decision to have a child is made and the process begins, parts are horribly painful to read. The reactions of medical professionals made me cringe and wish for more awareness training, but Beatie does a good job of not demonizing those who seem to act out of ignorance or habit. Just the process of finding someone willing to work with the couple honestly is pretty trying to read and built the sympathy up for some decisions I didn't agree with as much later.
Fortunately the bitterness that laces the earlier parts of the book doesn't continue, and the story of the pregnancy seems to focus more on the wonder of it than the frustrations.
I was surprised by both the reaction of the transgender community and the author's naivete about it. I can see how the community wants to minimize the 'freak flag' and see how Beatie's male privilege blinds his eyes to some of the concerns. But while I can understand the gay community feeling some resentment, I am somewhat baffled by the trans community's unwillingness to acknowledge a spectrum of gender beyond the male/female dichotomy. Perhaps this is part of my own ignorance and a lack of understanding of the challenges of being trans, or perhaps Beatie misrepresents some of the community's concerns. At any rate, the isolation the family feels is quite sad and disappointing.
Generally the book was interesting and raised some issues, though I would happily have done without most of the first half of the book. I had hoped to get more insight into the author's 'inner monologue' while he navigated the realization of his gender identity, but I can also understand that some of that is less conscious than I think it is.
I'm not sure I'd bother with the book unless you remember the news stories since I didn't find it a very helpful memoir of a transition. However, the writing was decent and it is a fascinating journey overall.
February 28, 2014
This book was so inspiring. It related to me and my situation. I don't like labels and neither does Thomas. In society, your imprinted with a label; whether or not its white or black,man or woman. Your stuck with it. It lets people make an impression of you and how you should be treated. During gym, I go to the girls locker room. I have no choice between boxers or bras. Just because I was born with women parts. I have a uterus and i can make children; so that makes me a women- or thats what society says.If I could choose, I would dress in girls clothes ( I love the glitter and colors) and be able to be inside that locker room that only boys with testicles can be in. How do you truly tell what sex a person is? Is it the way they talk? The way they dress? For all you know a person that you go to school with could be a different gender than what they are claiming they are. For Thomas, the choice was far from simple. He knew from the start the he was never meant to be a woman. He had breasts, he hated them. Being distant from his same gender was what he dealt with his whole life. Its the same for me. Sure, I'm girl, but i connect more with boys. Girls shun me because I'm different from them. I push limits. I wear clothes from the guys section and rarely care about my hair. Ive never really felt at ease with girls. Ive always fit in more with the opposite sex.
Thomas and Nacy wanted a baby. So they made one. But wait. Before you assume Nacy, the woman of the relationship, is carrying the baby, I'm going to tell you diffrent. Thomas decided that he was no longer happy being a female. He started taking testostrone, but never wanted reassignment surgery. So techinally, he isn't a man. But thats the problem with society. They stick a label. A label that no matter how hard try to change it, people will tell you you are wrong. It is unnatural, they'll say. Being transgender isn't something to be taken lightly. So Tracy became Thomas. He starting matching the outside with inside. No more boobs, he had a masculine chest. No more long locks. No more periods. In this book Thomas pushes the limits of society and takes the world by storm in 2008- when he became the Pregnant Man. No longer will he hide how he feels on the inside. This book is an emotional non- fiction, incredibly written book.
Thomas and Nacy wanted a baby. So they made one. But wait. Before you assume Nacy, the woman of the relationship, is carrying the baby, I'm going to tell you diffrent. Thomas decided that he was no longer happy being a female. He started taking testostrone, but never wanted reassignment surgery. So techinally, he isn't a man. But thats the problem with society. They stick a label. A label that no matter how hard try to change it, people will tell you you are wrong. It is unnatural, they'll say. Being transgender isn't something to be taken lightly. So Tracy became Thomas. He starting matching the outside with inside. No more boobs, he had a masculine chest. No more long locks. No more periods. In this book Thomas pushes the limits of society and takes the world by storm in 2008- when he became the Pregnant Man. No longer will he hide how he feels on the inside. This book is an emotional non- fiction, incredibly written book.
January 9, 2012
Overall a very interesting book, although I found the first 100 pages slow moving and could have done without the last chapter, which consisted of lenghty answers to FAQ, mainly because the author covered them in the content of the book.
Having been an out lesbian for many years, I have to admit I have often grappled with gender issues, mostly because I have felt so comfortable in my woman's body all of my life, that it was just hard to imagine that not everyone feels this way (judging others by my own experience being the root of much bigotry - I know). Tom's story is told with great sensitivity and has helped me come to a much better understanding of transgender issues, and the transphobia we often unwittingly perpetrate, me included. He and Nancy have overcome incredible prejudice and hatred, while staying focussed on their goal, which is the goal of many other happy couples, to have a child. I was horrifid to read about Beatie's childhood abuse, his rejection by his birth family, and by the many wounding comments and attitudes of the health care system involved in his care. I think the one thing that was missing for me in this book though, was how the stress of his pregancy affected the relationship between him and Nancy. It felt like that's a layer of the story that's missing, which would have made it more personal for me, although I respect the author's choice to protect at least some of the couple's privacy.
Having been an out lesbian for many years, I have to admit I have often grappled with gender issues, mostly because I have felt so comfortable in my woman's body all of my life, that it was just hard to imagine that not everyone feels this way (judging others by my own experience being the root of much bigotry - I know). Tom's story is told with great sensitivity and has helped me come to a much better understanding of transgender issues, and the transphobia we often unwittingly perpetrate, me included. He and Nancy have overcome incredible prejudice and hatred, while staying focussed on their goal, which is the goal of many other happy couples, to have a child. I was horrifid to read about Beatie's childhood abuse, his rejection by his birth family, and by the many wounding comments and attitudes of the health care system involved in his care. I think the one thing that was missing for me in this book though, was how the stress of his pregancy affected the relationship between him and Nancy. It felt like that's a layer of the story that's missing, which would have made it more personal for me, although I respect the author's choice to protect at least some of the couple's privacy.
August 10, 2017
Overall, a well done and fascinating read and a worthwhile addition to the transgender memoir genre. While the beginning is a bit slow and I think could have used a heavier editorial hand, it definitely picks up pace in the middle and becomes a real page turner by the end.
Some parts were extremely sad, like his psycho jerk dad and physically abusive ex-boyfriends, but it is clear that Beatie has learned his lesson about letting others control his life and is determined to live with integrity. In particular, the response of the queer community made me so frustrated I wanted to scream. When Thomas was Tracie he was a valued activist, once he transitioned, he was treated like a pariah. And particular boos go to those in the transgender community that told him that having a baby would destroy the movement - that is bullshit.
But this isn't a revenge book, it is really a love story between Thomas, Nancy, and their daughter Susan. Once you read about how much they love her and are willing to fight for her, there is no doubt that love has truly won over hatred, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness.
Some parts were extremely sad, like his psycho jerk dad and physically abusive ex-boyfriends, but it is clear that Beatie has learned his lesson about letting others control his life and is determined to live with integrity. In particular, the response of the queer community made me so frustrated I wanted to scream. When Thomas was Tracie he was a valued activist, once he transitioned, he was treated like a pariah. And particular boos go to those in the transgender community that told him that having a baby would destroy the movement - that is bullshit.
But this isn't a revenge book, it is really a love story between Thomas, Nancy, and their daughter Susan. Once you read about how much they love her and are willing to fight for her, there is no doubt that love has truly won over hatred, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness.
January 14, 2020
I happened upon this book at a used book store and thought I would give it a read, mostly because I generally appreciate memoirs as a way to see the world through other people’s thoughts and feelings, especially when their lives are quite different from my own.
A man becoming pregnant and giving birth was not a foreign concept to me, as I know people in my own community who have done this and I’m in full support of it. I was curious mostly to know what it was like for him. The pregnancy and birth experience are only about 1/4 of what the book is about. It starts off with details of a painfully abusive childhood followed by a painfully abusive relationship - all of which I found difficult to read. I could have skipped all that to get to the parts I really wanted to read about (which started somewhere around page 200). I felt too many times Beatie explained situations as “it was meant to be,” kind of rosy/corny in my opinion.
I really did appreciate the honesty and openness of Beatie and his story of being true to himself, but I didn’t actually enjoy the book all that much.
A man becoming pregnant and giving birth was not a foreign concept to me, as I know people in my own community who have done this and I’m in full support of it. I was curious mostly to know what it was like for him. The pregnancy and birth experience are only about 1/4 of what the book is about. It starts off with details of a painfully abusive childhood followed by a painfully abusive relationship - all of which I found difficult to read. I could have skipped all that to get to the parts I really wanted to read about (which started somewhere around page 200). I felt too many times Beatie explained situations as “it was meant to be,” kind of rosy/corny in my opinion.
I really did appreciate the honesty and openness of Beatie and his story of being true to himself, but I didn’t actually enjoy the book all that much.
December 13, 2008
Life is difficult, that is the nature of life. Sometimes, however, our nature makes life more difficult, like Thomas Beatie. He was born Tracy, a girl but always felt uncomfortable in his own skin. He felt more at home with short hair and in boys clothes and actually felt embarrased in a dress. This combined with an abusive father and a mother who commited suicide when Tracy was 12 made for a childhood far more harsh than the average child's.
Now Tracy is Thomas, legally a man, legally married to his wife Nancy, a man who has given birth to their daughter. The world's first pregnant man.
The one thing nearly everyone wants out of life is to be happy. Thomas had to go to great lengths to achieve that, from overcoming an abusive childhood, changing his sex and enduring threats and hate mail after his pregancy was revealed to the world, but he is happy now and that is the most important thing.
Now Tracy is Thomas, legally a man, legally married to his wife Nancy, a man who has given birth to their daughter. The world's first pregnant man.
The one thing nearly everyone wants out of life is to be happy. Thomas had to go to great lengths to achieve that, from overcoming an abusive childhood, changing his sex and enduring threats and hate mail after his pregancy was revealed to the world, but he is happy now and that is the most important thing.
March 20, 2010
A unique work, but rather poorly written. Got this out of the library for a freshman comp student who is writing on "Pregnant Men." Thomas has had an abusive father, a mother with mental illness, an abusive partner. She finds true love after she has begun hormone treatments to live as a man. She then becomes pregnant. My student thinks that this sort of thing may become common. I'm not sure. Perhaps I'm just old fashioned and for "rather poorly written" we should understand, "I wouldn't like anything on this subject." Nonetheless, I believe in his right to marry, get a sex change, have a baby. I just didn't enjoy the book.
March 1, 2015
Although not as well written as I had hoped, I still am glad I read Beatie's story. What a life. It is too bad that since having three children with his wife, Nancy, they are now separated, apparently due to his wife's alcoholism and violence associated with it. It is a bittersweet story, and certainly shows how one person's chosen path in life can unwittingly offend others. Even the transgender community was not as supportive as I would have thought they should have been when his story broke in the news. I hope his continuing life path is better.
June 3, 2015
An interesting read about the experiences of a transgendered man, granted the fact that his marriage dissolved so violently cast a shadow over the depictions of the perfect romance and family he had portrayed and I ended up skipping the long descriptions of how good his relationship with Nancy was.
Reading about the family dynamics was fascinating, as well as how he grew to embrace who he was. The books is well written and very readable, but the messy fallout undermined a lot of the optimism that the book ends with.
Reading about the family dynamics was fascinating, as well as how he grew to embrace who he was. The books is well written and very readable, but the messy fallout undermined a lot of the optimism that the book ends with.
March 29, 2009
I knew a little of Thomas Beatie's story from the crazy media storm that surrounded him when he was pregnant, but it was good to read about his life from his own point of view. He and his wife are obviously madly, insanely in love with each other and with their little daughter, plus they both had extremely difficult lives before finding each other. What a happy ending, and what a blessed little girl to have parents like them.
July 13, 2009
The true story of one man who started life as a girl, overcame a difficult childhood & a mother’s suicide, found love, transitioned to legally become a man, decided to father a child, and carried the child himself when his wife was unable. It is essentially a love story, told in a narrative style without sensationalism. This book is very well written; you will find yourself hoping for a happily ever after for this family.
June 3, 2011
Now, I am not a kid person, I'm not a pregnancy person, I'm not trans. But I loved this book. It was such a moving exploration of the love between two people, a story of building a family, of settling into yourself and who you want to be and that's easy to relate to, regardless of who you are and where you are in your life. It's a beautiful, easy story and it's something that I think more people would enjoy than have probably taken a chance on. Read it. You might just love it.
January 2, 2009
I skipped through the first half of the book. When you've read one story about a person struggling with their sexuality and gender you've read them all. I wanted to get to the juicy stuff; Doctor's reactions, the process of it all, the birth. I love Thomas and Nancy's attitude. They are going to be great parents. Great pics.
March 15, 2009
This is another of those rarest of books--one that made me cry. After reading this book I have so much admiration for Thomas Beatie and his wife, and I just don't understand how anyone who knew their story could be against them. They are going to be incredible parents--better than most people even dream of having.
October 9, 2010
I really enjoyed Thomas Beatie's story and appreciate the lengths he and his wife went to in order to have a family. While I was disheartened by all the negativity surrounding his pregnancy I am also heartened to know that they had a community of support. A really great read and an inspiring story.
August 24, 2009
This is a beautiful book, tragic & triumphant...a beautiful love story...nothing short of astounding...if you don't find yourself crying during passages of this book, you're simply not alive....read it!
December 22, 2009
Loved this book! I was always curious hearing about the "pregnant man" and now it all makes sense. I think he was very brave to have a baby and I am glad many people in the world agree and sent him baby gifts. This book was very easy to read and flowed amazingly well.
December 20, 2010
This book is so amazing. The things that this man has gone through in his life, to then have the courage to have a child because his wife can't is just an inspiring, and amazing story. I only wish I can develop the confidence that he has.
January 9, 2011
Is he male or female?
Chromosomally: probably female
Hormonally: female or male
Secondary sex characteristics: male
Emotionally: female and male
Reproductive organs: female
Socially: male
Genitalia: female and male
Legally: male
Physiologically: mostly male
Psychologically: male
Chromosomally: probably female
Hormonally: female or male
Secondary sex characteristics: male
Emotionally: female and male
Reproductive organs: female
Socially: male
Genitalia: female and male
Legally: male
Physiologically: mostly male
Psychologically: male
October 31, 2011
....."We're used to thinking in binary terms: man/woman, masculine/feminine and gay/straight. The world's more complicated than that, as Thomas Beatie is certainly showing us." - Steven Petrow at Indyweek.com
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