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Clowns Vs. Spiders
Jaunty the Clown just wants to entertain families with lighthearted slapstick antics, but people think of clowns as terrifying, nightmarish creatures who hide in closets or under beds. When Jaunty, along with his fellow performers Guffaw, Wagon, Reginald The Pleasant Clown, and Bluehead are fired from the circus, they're told that the world just doesn't like clowns anymore.
Still, clowns have to eat. And since these clowns don't eat children, to make ends meet they're eventually forced to take a job in a popular haunted attraction, the Mountain of Terror. Instead of charming entertainers, they're now scary clowns. A zombie clown. A demon clown. A creepy doll clown.
But the town is about to discover something more frightening than clowns. Because on opening night, millions of oversized spiders emerge from a cave and begin their deadly invasion...
From Bram Stoker Award-nominated author Jeff Strand comes an insane mix of shameless silliness and grisly creepy-crawly horror. Clowns vs Spiders—who will win?
Still, clowns have to eat. And since these clowns don't eat children, to make ends meet they're eventually forced to take a job in a popular haunted attraction, the Mountain of Terror. Instead of charming entertainers, they're now scary clowns. A zombie clown. A demon clown. A creepy doll clown.
But the town is about to discover something more frightening than clowns. Because on opening night, millions of oversized spiders emerge from a cave and begin their deadly invasion...
From Bram Stoker Award-nominated author Jeff Strand comes an insane mix of shameless silliness and grisly creepy-crawly horror. Clowns vs Spiders—who will win?
242 pages, Kindle Edition
Published September 14, 2019
220 people are currently reading
818 people want to read
About the author
Jeff Strand
225 books2,168 followersBram Stoker Award-winning author of a bunch of demented books, including PRESSURE, DWELLER, CLOWNS VS. SPIDERS, AUTUMN BLEEDS INTO WINTER, MY PRETTIES, the official novelization of ATTACK OF THE KILLER TOMATOES, and lots of others!
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 253 reviews
September 24, 2019
Scary...funny...scary...funny...scary...
Okay, so I am an arachnophobe - well, I use that term loosely, since they give the definition as an 'irrational fear of spiders'. Ain't nothin' irrational 'bout it, boy!
Anyway, if I could fault this story at all, it would be that the clowns are a little too nice? This is purely a guess on my part, I have to admit. I don't know any clowns. I don't have an irrational fear of them (even after reading IT), but I don't trust any of those fuckers.
Hey, if somebody disguises themselves and goes to public places, how can they not have a hidden agenda??
So, like mimes, (with the exception of David Armand - Google his name with Torn if you don't know him), I don't get clowns or their antics. I might be wrong (I probably am, if you ask my wife), since I don't hang around in places where clowns usually go. I mean, I don't think so. Damn, now I'm worried that the guy sitting next to me might be a clown in disguise...in other words, looking normal. I'm just going to scoot over to the next chair. No, no, buddy, it's not you at all...I just need to sit closer to the, um, this right here.
Where was I?
Right - the book. Well, it is kind of like ARACHNOPHOBIA meets EIGHT LEGGED FREAKS...on steroids. I did a lot of this -
https://gfycat.com/niftyglumiberianlynx
Yes, ladies and gentleman, my technological skills forces me to copy and paste this GIF's address - hey, I'm over 40, give me a break here!
It's the usual Strand, with the humor and violence complementing each other perfectly. However, this one really did scare me, especially when my eye caught something moving on the floor just at the edge of my vision.
I was alone, so no, I did not pull out a note that would make an opera diva jealous, and no, I did not jump on the couch, and no, I did not nearly piss myself because of a moth...
Screw you for judging me...
If you know Strand, you will love this one. If you don't check him out.
Okay, so I am an arachnophobe - well, I use that term loosely, since they give the definition as an 'irrational fear of spiders'. Ain't nothin' irrational 'bout it, boy!
Anyway, if I could fault this story at all, it would be that the clowns are a little too nice? This is purely a guess on my part, I have to admit. I don't know any clowns. I don't have an irrational fear of them (even after reading IT), but I don't trust any of those fuckers.
Hey, if somebody disguises themselves and goes to public places, how can they not have a hidden agenda??
So, like mimes, (with the exception of David Armand - Google his name with Torn if you don't know him), I don't get clowns or their antics. I might be wrong (I probably am, if you ask my wife), since I don't hang around in places where clowns usually go. I mean, I don't think so. Damn, now I'm worried that the guy sitting next to me might be a clown in disguise...in other words, looking normal. I'm just going to scoot over to the next chair. No, no, buddy, it's not you at all...I just need to sit closer to the, um, this right here.
Where was I?
Right - the book. Well, it is kind of like ARACHNOPHOBIA meets EIGHT LEGGED FREAKS...on steroids. I did a lot of this -
https://gfycat.com/niftyglumiberianlynx
Yes, ladies and gentleman, my technological skills forces me to copy and paste this GIF's address - hey, I'm over 40, give me a break here!
It's the usual Strand, with the humor and violence complementing each other perfectly. However, this one really did scare me, especially when my eye caught something moving on the floor just at the edge of my vision.
I was alone, so no, I did not pull out a note that would make an opera diva jealous, and no, I did not jump on the couch, and no, I did not nearly piss myself because of a moth...
Screw you for judging me...
If you know Strand, you will love this one. If you don't check him out.
May 13, 2024
I’m No Longer Biased! 🕷🤡
Since my early childhood, I’ve seen spiders as being cute and clowns as creepy.
So, reading this book, I started with a bias against the clowns and a secret wish for success for the spiders.
However, Jeff Strand has changed my mind about it. After reading just a fraction of the book, I could see these were not my lovable spider from “Charlotte’s Web.”
Although annoying and, at times obnoxious, these are not my scary clowns from the popular horror movies.
Turnabout! The spiders are just horrible! I wish the clowns would kill a lot more of them.
Too bad the clowns are just human beings. In this book they need the help of the supernatural.
Regardless of which team you are cheering for, you will definitely enjoy this book. 😎
Four delightful stars. ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Since my early childhood, I’ve seen spiders as being cute and clowns as creepy.
So, reading this book, I started with a bias against the clowns and a secret wish for success for the spiders.
However, Jeff Strand has changed my mind about it. After reading just a fraction of the book, I could see these were not my lovable spider from “Charlotte’s Web.”
Although annoying and, at times obnoxious, these are not my scary clowns from the popular horror movies.
Turnabout! The spiders are just horrible! I wish the clowns would kill a lot more of them.
Too bad the clowns are just human beings. In this book they need the help of the supernatural.
Regardless of which team you are cheering for, you will definitely enjoy this book. 😎
Four delightful stars. ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
January 28, 2020
Clowns and spiders have been trending lately, and leave it to Jeff Strand to make an apocalyptic horror/comedy mash-up. Consider this fabulous premise: a troop of ex-circus performers take a job as scary clowns at a haunted house to make ends meet. They hate promoting the scary clown stereotype when they’ve devoted their entire lives to making children happy, but it’s better than an office job.
When ancient spiders descend upon the town, however, the clowns--still in terrifying garb--must survive and somehow save the planet.
The resulting short novel is as outlandish as you would expect, but in the best of ways. The finest moments are when the clowns--determined to prove they are good and not evil--end up making the situation worse through macabre imagery, terrifying dialogue, or accidentally killing people while trying to save them.
My only criticism is that some of the comedic moments aren’t turned up even higher. Strand effortlessly creates fertile ground for truly knee-slapping dark humor, but instead we’re given modest chuckles.
The balance isn’t bad though. There are plenty of legit-scary moments mixed in with lighter fare, so horror lovers can take this seriously without it getting too deep into farce.
All in all, a Barnum-approved end-of-the-world romp. Much faster pacing than The Hatching series, and more concentrated spiders-eating-people bang for your buck. The clown protagonists are perfect for lightening the mood and darkening it all at the same time. Gets an “A” from me!
When ancient spiders descend upon the town, however, the clowns--still in terrifying garb--must survive and somehow save the planet.
The resulting short novel is as outlandish as you would expect, but in the best of ways. The finest moments are when the clowns--determined to prove they are good and not evil--end up making the situation worse through macabre imagery, terrifying dialogue, or accidentally killing people while trying to save them.
My only criticism is that some of the comedic moments aren’t turned up even higher. Strand effortlessly creates fertile ground for truly knee-slapping dark humor, but instead we’re given modest chuckles.
The balance isn’t bad though. There are plenty of legit-scary moments mixed in with lighter fare, so horror lovers can take this seriously without it getting too deep into farce.
All in all, a Barnum-approved end-of-the-world romp. Much faster pacing than The Hatching series, and more concentrated spiders-eating-people bang for your buck. The clown protagonists are perfect for lightening the mood and darkening it all at the same time. Gets an “A” from me!
July 9, 2021
“What can I tell you?” said the circus owner, Mr. Gristle. “People just don’t like clowns.”
I'm one of those people. I don't find clowns particularly scary, but neither do I find their specific brand of humor 'delightful' either. Then again, I'm also the girl who has owned tarantulas on and off throughout the years...and hope to get more soon. So, do I even need to say it? I was totally #teamspiders while reading this book.
And although the clown on the book cover is really freaking scary...don't be fooled. The group of clowns in this novel - Jaunty, Guffaw, Wagon, Reginald the Pleasant Clown, and Bluehead - are lovable, humorous, and, well, okay...they're bumbling idiots. But it's hard not to like them.
Speaking of that book cover...it's pretty spectacular.
This is probably the goofiest of the Strand books I've read so far, but it's purely, one-hundred percent, Sharknado-like enjoyment - so entertaining and nutty, you can't look away. If you love creature features and don't suffer from arachnophobia or coulrophobia...this is absolutely the book for you. It's tons of fun.
Available NOW on Amazon, and FREE on Kindle Unlimited.
I'm one of those people. I don't find clowns particularly scary, but neither do I find their specific brand of humor 'delightful' either. Then again, I'm also the girl who has owned tarantulas on and off throughout the years...and hope to get more soon. So, do I even need to say it? I was totally #teamspiders while reading this book.
And although the clown on the book cover is really freaking scary...don't be fooled. The group of clowns in this novel - Jaunty, Guffaw, Wagon, Reginald the Pleasant Clown, and Bluehead - are lovable, humorous, and, well, okay...they're bumbling idiots. But it's hard not to like them.
Speaking of that book cover...it's pretty spectacular.
This is probably the goofiest of the Strand books I've read so far, but it's purely, one-hundred percent, Sharknado-like enjoyment - so entertaining and nutty, you can't look away. If you love creature features and don't suffer from arachnophobia or coulrophobia...this is absolutely the book for you. It's tons of fun.
Available NOW on Amazon, and FREE on Kindle Unlimited.
November 11, 2022
What an entertaining read!
I have a clown phobia but the clowns in this book are wonderfully friendly and nice. The spiders, however, were a bunch of dicks.
In usual Jeff Strand fashion this book was action packed yet funny and full of heart.
I have a clown phobia but the clowns in this book are wonderfully friendly and nice. The spiders, however, were a bunch of dicks.
In usual Jeff Strand fashion this book was action packed yet funny and full of heart.
December 26, 2019
This is actually kinda scary, at least to start with it was (it gets more absurd and less scary as you go on).
The clowns are not scary, they are lovely, bumbling idiots but nice with it. However the spiders were terrifying. There are lots of detailed descriptions of swarms of spiders, of spiders crawling over and in people, of spiders killing people. If you are an arachnophobe, like myself, seriously think twice before picking up this book (unless picking up this book to swat a spider with it). If you don’t like clowns this book may actually redeem them though!
A little predictable but that does not stop it being good fun and whilst not as funny as Jeff’s other books it does have its funny moments, mainly the clowns being amusing (that’s what clowns are supposed to do!), although not always on purpose! They are a pretty hopeless group of individuals often doing more harm than good but great protagonists in this story.
Overall this book is slightly less funny and slightly more scarier than the other Jeff books I have read. But still immensely entertaining, plenty of action, from the very start. A good solid read.
4.5*/5 and I’m rounding up to 5 - I had fun reading this.
The clowns are not scary, they are lovely, bumbling idiots but nice with it. However the spiders were terrifying. There are lots of detailed descriptions of swarms of spiders, of spiders crawling over and in people, of spiders killing people. If you are an arachnophobe, like myself, seriously think twice before picking up this book (unless picking up this book to swat a spider with it). If you don’t like clowns this book may actually redeem them though!
A little predictable but that does not stop it being good fun and whilst not as funny as Jeff’s other books it does have its funny moments, mainly the clowns being amusing (that’s what clowns are supposed to do!), although not always on purpose! They are a pretty hopeless group of individuals often doing more harm than good but great protagonists in this story.
Overall this book is slightly less funny and slightly more scarier than the other Jeff books I have read. But still immensely entertaining, plenty of action, from the very start. A good solid read.
4.5*/5 and I’m rounding up to 5 - I had fun reading this.
August 17, 2023
This book was so good I had a hard time, not stopping my audible. The narrator did a very good job with the story and I was able to follow between the different characters within the book. This book seriously has it all clowns, spiders, a small town, and a haunted house what more can you possibly ask for?
When five clowns find themselves out of work. What is a clown to do? The most obvious answer is work at a haunted house for Halloween, and from there, the book takes off. I absolutely love how the author writes seamlessly between horror and comedy. This is a true gift of his that he has, and it is visible in every book that he writes. There were some laugh out moments in this book that had me crying tears because it was just so funny.
If you’re in the mood for a good book, mixed with comedy and clowns, this is the book for you I highly recommend this book definitely five star worthy. I would give six if I could.
When five clowns find themselves out of work. What is a clown to do? The most obvious answer is work at a haunted house for Halloween, and from there, the book takes off. I absolutely love how the author writes seamlessly between horror and comedy. This is a true gift of his that he has, and it is visible in every book that he writes. There were some laugh out moments in this book that had me crying tears because it was just so funny.
If you’re in the mood for a good book, mixed with comedy and clowns, this is the book for you I highly recommend this book definitely five star worthy. I would give six if I could.
August 18, 2025
4.5 stars. I gotta tell you...I'm really digging Jeff Strand lately. Being my second read from him, Clowns vs Spiders combined two of the most terrifying things imaginable...being...well...clowns and spiders. It was playful, but scary, action-packed yet had plenty of depth, gory but not too much so, unique all while sticking to some of the grassroots lore. The balance was perfect. It really was. Strand literally utilized and exhausted all aspects of the clowns and spiders throughout, in extremely creative ways, with the final page of the book cracking me up (No spoilers), taking a similar approach to wrap things up. Even the Three Musketeers act by three of the heroic clowns towards the end was just a great touch, in addition to the reveal of the big bad, which I fully knew was going to happen. Just a very enjoyable horror experience. My only tidbit here was that it dragged on a bit longer than necessary, between the haunted house attraction and the eventual attack in the town. None of it was uninteresting, but this could have probably been a lean two hundred pages, without missing a step. A very solid effort by Jeff Strand, who I plan on continuing to focus on for the near future.
October 14, 2024
Clowns vs spiders
I think about this book a lot. 🤡🕷️
I want an 80s style merch based on it, or better yet a really cheesy b movie. Get the ball rollin strand
I think about this book a lot. 🤡🕷️
I want an 80s style merch based on it, or better yet a really cheesy b movie. Get the ball rollin strand
October 15, 2024
I was not sure how to rate this book. It is silly, but so very entertaining. an absolute blast. The author skillfully blends both horror and humor into this story and I had such a fun time that I might just revisit it again soon. It had me laughing out loud in so many of the scenes, five stars all the way!
If you enjoyed this I would highly recommend The Haunted Forest Tour.
If you enjoyed this I would highly recommend The Haunted Forest Tour.
December 29, 2019
Well, just how do you start to review such a hideous, abstract, absurd but ‘hugely enjoyable’ story? Answer - don’t even try. But, if you like really good strange tales about clowns or spiders (or both), then this is undoubtedly tailor made for you - so just give it a go. ‘ Jeff - yep, still rooting for the arachnids here.!’ Stars - 4.8, but rounded to 5, for its sheer quirkiness and originality. Enjoy the feast of fun!
February 2, 2024
Its Clowns vs Spiders!! A highly entertaining and silly novel.
Our Clowns are good Clowns and adhere to the Clown code of conduct at all times however after being fired from the circus the take a job in the middle of nowhere as "scary clowns" for a haunted house attraction. Little do they know however that hell on earth is about to occur when the never ending hoard of huge spiders spill from the earth to feed.
It's stupid in a 'so bad its good' B movie way and very funny at times. Our spiders are huge, hungry beasts who devour everything in there way....can our band of merry Clowns save the day? (Rhyme intended)
If you want something silly but well written this is it.
I listened to this on audiobook. If you have an audible account it's free in the 'plus catalogue'
Our Clowns are good Clowns and adhere to the Clown code of conduct at all times however after being fired from the circus the take a job in the middle of nowhere as "scary clowns" for a haunted house attraction. Little do they know however that hell on earth is about to occur when the never ending hoard of huge spiders spill from the earth to feed.
It's stupid in a 'so bad its good' B movie way and very funny at times. Our spiders are huge, hungry beasts who devour everything in there way....can our band of merry Clowns save the day? (Rhyme intended)
If you want something silly but well written this is it.
I listened to this on audiobook. If you have an audible account it's free in the 'plus catalogue'
October 20, 2022
I had been successful in becoming less scared of spiders but for some reason I can't help but pick up a horror that includes spiders especially if it also include clowns with I sometimes find a source for joy but also a source of uncomfort and fear. The clowns in this is actually the good guys and the spiders is the bad ones, as usual. I highly enjoyed it. Not high in scary elements but very creepy
September 5, 2025
This was a lot of fun! So far, I haven't read a Jeff Strand book which I didn't like. Humor, gore, violence... it is what you'd expect.
Fear of clowns wasn't really a common thing before the 1980s. They went from birthday parties, carnivals, and McDonald's to "lurking in the sewer, ready to yank off some little kid's arm in the rain." From sweet and playful entertainers to monsters akin to vampires, mummies, and werewolves. But Jaunty and his fellow fun clowns want to show people that clowns really aren't scary - and they are quite nice once you get to know them.
Fear of clowns wasn't really a common thing before the 1980s. They went from birthday parties, carnivals, and McDonald's to "lurking in the sewer, ready to yank off some little kid's arm in the rain." From sweet and playful entertainers to monsters akin to vampires, mummies, and werewolves. But Jaunty and his fellow fun clowns want to show people that clowns really aren't scary - and they are quite nice once you get to know them.
September 13, 2023
Super fun time! Hear my full thoughts here: https://youtu.be/1ifP9cp37nI?si=j2Yvc...
July 20, 2022
This is one of the most fun -- and hands down the funniest -- horror books I've ever read. If you love horror comedy that features lots of action and a unique premise, then I would totally recommend giving this book a chance.
I have talked about Clowns Vs Spiders on my YouTube channel multiple times over the course of 2022 so far. In particular, I talked about it at length in my "Top 10 Reads of 2022...So Far" video. If you'd like to hear more of my non-spoiler thoughts on the story, then you can watch that here: https://youtu.be/6jyZQjidO7E?t=566
I have talked about Clowns Vs Spiders on my YouTube channel multiple times over the course of 2022 so far. In particular, I talked about it at length in my "Top 10 Reads of 2022...So Far" video. If you'd like to hear more of my non-spoiler thoughts on the story, then you can watch that here: https://youtu.be/6jyZQjidO7E?t=566
November 15, 2019
My review of CLOWNS VS SPIDERS can be found at High Fever Books.
If there’s one thing I’m certain of, it’s that Jeff Strand always delivers some wickedly entertaining stories to while away a few hours with. Clowns vs Spiders isn’t one of my favorites from him, but it’s definitely among my favorite concepts from him, and it is a really enjoyable read.
The premise is pretty simple, and in case you missed it in the title I’ll briefly recap it here. A group of clowns find themselves suddenly unemployed when the circus they were working for cuts them loose. Unfortunately for them, there’s not a lot of opportunities in life for five aging graduates of Clown College, and rather than being seen as performers who bring joy to people’s lives, the world now sees clowns as vile sadists, serial killers, and sewer-dwelling monsters. Their leader, Guffaw, though, is able to find them work as scary clowns at the popular haunted house attraction, Mountain of Terror. Even worse than having to be scary clowns is having to be scary clowns in the middle of a massive outbreak of mutant killer spiders. Hence the title, Clowns vs Spiders.
It really is a great premise, and Strand kept me laughing the whole way through. While there are some sequences of horror and a few queasy-making descriptions, the emphasis here is on the laughs. Strand employs a very whimsical style of writing, and Jaunty, Guffaw, and the rest of the clowns are mostly depicted as naive innocents. They don’t really understand why clowns have become so maligned in modern culture and none of them want to be scary clowns getting paid to make children cry. In fact, the lengths Reginald goes to in brainstorming his scary clown motif are uncomfortably funny. There’s an innocence to them, but it’s a shtick that wears kind of thin, even after the hay hits the fans and the clowns are forced to stay positive, looking for the best in every bleak scenario they encounter.
As for the spiders… I’m not bothered by clowns, particularly this bunch here, but spiders? Man, I hate spiders, and there’s some sequences in here that gave me the heebie jeebies, even when played for laughs. These suckers are pretty damn big, about the size of a man’s head or a small dog, which is way more spider than I ever would want to encounter. And when one gets smashed under foot, “a thick line of ooze stretched from the bottom of her shoe to its body, like cheese on a piece of pizza.” Ugh. Now I hate spiders and pizza, so thanks for that Strand.
Ultimately, Clowns vs Spiders is exactly as advertised, no more, no less. It doesn’t aim for deep philosophical mediation on the nature of good versus evil, but it is pretty swiftly paced and consistently entertaining, even if it’s also fairly one note in terms of execution. Strand knows how to deliver solid, comedic horrors, and this is no exception. It’s a fun little romp of the “tastes great, less filling,” variety.
If there’s one thing I’m certain of, it’s that Jeff Strand always delivers some wickedly entertaining stories to while away a few hours with. Clowns vs Spiders isn’t one of my favorites from him, but it’s definitely among my favorite concepts from him, and it is a really enjoyable read.
The premise is pretty simple, and in case you missed it in the title I’ll briefly recap it here. A group of clowns find themselves suddenly unemployed when the circus they were working for cuts them loose. Unfortunately for them, there’s not a lot of opportunities in life for five aging graduates of Clown College, and rather than being seen as performers who bring joy to people’s lives, the world now sees clowns as vile sadists, serial killers, and sewer-dwelling monsters. Their leader, Guffaw, though, is able to find them work as scary clowns at the popular haunted house attraction, Mountain of Terror. Even worse than having to be scary clowns is having to be scary clowns in the middle of a massive outbreak of mutant killer spiders. Hence the title, Clowns vs Spiders.
It really is a great premise, and Strand kept me laughing the whole way through. While there are some sequences of horror and a few queasy-making descriptions, the emphasis here is on the laughs. Strand employs a very whimsical style of writing, and Jaunty, Guffaw, and the rest of the clowns are mostly depicted as naive innocents. They don’t really understand why clowns have become so maligned in modern culture and none of them want to be scary clowns getting paid to make children cry. In fact, the lengths Reginald goes to in brainstorming his scary clown motif are uncomfortably funny. There’s an innocence to them, but it’s a shtick that wears kind of thin, even after the hay hits the fans and the clowns are forced to stay positive, looking for the best in every bleak scenario they encounter.
As for the spiders… I’m not bothered by clowns, particularly this bunch here, but spiders? Man, I hate spiders, and there’s some sequences in here that gave me the heebie jeebies, even when played for laughs. These suckers are pretty damn big, about the size of a man’s head or a small dog, which is way more spider than I ever would want to encounter. And when one gets smashed under foot, “a thick line of ooze stretched from the bottom of her shoe to its body, like cheese on a piece of pizza.” Ugh. Now I hate spiders and pizza, so thanks for that Strand.
Ultimately, Clowns vs Spiders is exactly as advertised, no more, no less. It doesn’t aim for deep philosophical mediation on the nature of good versus evil, but it is pretty swiftly paced and consistently entertaining, even if it’s also fairly one note in terms of execution. Strand knows how to deliver solid, comedic horrors, and this is no exception. It’s a fun little romp of the “tastes great, less filling,” variety.
February 23, 2020
Jeff Strand's Clowns Vs. Spiders takes the two most popular things people get freaked out about and pit them against one another. Brilliant! This is, at its core, a zombie survival story. But, of course, under the careful craftsmanship of Strand it is transformed into a bat shit crazy story where a troup of macaroni and cheese eating clowns do battle with giant spiders to save a town from being wiped off the map.
The action is non-stop. The creeps and gores come at every turn of the page. And the yucks get dumped in buckets of yucks over your head. As always Jeff strand brings as much comedy as he does horror to the story. This one really tickles the fine line of bizarre fiction as well. Even when people are dying you are in stitches, like you should be if you're reading a story that is 50% clown based.
Read Clowns Vs. Spiders, it doesn't disappoint. If you Clowns and/or spiders freak you the fuck out make extra certain you read this book. It won't cure your phobias and you'll never be able to sleep again but you'll have a great laugh in the process.
The action is non-stop. The creeps and gores come at every turn of the page. And the yucks get dumped in buckets of yucks over your head. As always Jeff strand brings as much comedy as he does horror to the story. This one really tickles the fine line of bizarre fiction as well. Even when people are dying you are in stitches, like you should be if you're reading a story that is 50% clown based.
Read Clowns Vs. Spiders, it doesn't disappoint. If you Clowns and/or spiders freak you the fuck out make extra certain you read this book. It won't cure your phobias and you'll never be able to sleep again but you'll have a great laugh in the process.
June 29, 2021
This reminded me a lot of Tucker and Dale vs Evil, if Tucker and Dale were clowns and "Evil" was giant spiders. If you couldn't tell from the title, there was also quite a bit of Sharknado style shenanigans, as well.
Jaunty the clown and his clown family are fired from their long time job at the circus because clowns scare the hell out of people. The clown family decides to stick together and try to find a new job where they can all work. After being rejected from everywhere they've applied, they finally find work: as scary clowns in a haunted house. While the haunted house is preparing to open, a land developer unseals a cave, releasing thousands of watermelon sized spiders with a taste for human flesh. So the battle begins in Clowns Vs. Spiders.
This one was only a so-so read for me. Jeff Strand's typical humor was there, but it wasn't on full display like it normally is. Most of the humor came from the clowns being too wholesome and awkward. I'm actually pretty disappointed that the clowns were family friendly circus clowns and not the scary, devil spawn variety. I think the book could have been a lot more fun if it didn't matter who wins, humanity is still the loser.
Jaunty the clown and his clown family are fired from their long time job at the circus because clowns scare the hell out of people. The clown family decides to stick together and try to find a new job where they can all work. After being rejected from everywhere they've applied, they finally find work: as scary clowns in a haunted house. While the haunted house is preparing to open, a land developer unseals a cave, releasing thousands of watermelon sized spiders with a taste for human flesh. So the battle begins in Clowns Vs. Spiders.
This one was only a so-so read for me. Jeff Strand's typical humor was there, but it wasn't on full display like it normally is. Most of the humor came from the clowns being too wholesome and awkward. I'm actually pretty disappointed that the clowns were family friendly circus clowns and not the scary, devil spawn variety. I think the book could have been a lot more fun if it didn't matter who wins, humanity is still the loser.
September 10, 2023
I never really got into this at all. The book begins with a prologue of events that took place a century ago (I think that's a Jeff Strand trademark) and we pick up in the present day, where Jaunty the Clown is fired from his regular job. He soon has to work at a place called the Mountain of Terror, a setting that I thought was really cool and was described really well. My biggest gripe with this book is that it plays out pretty much how you'd expect it to given its title. It's a B-horror, Syfy Channel-esque story, and that's all it is. There isn't really anything to keep the reader super excited or give the reader any reason to want to keep turning the pages, and the clowns in this were somehow really boring to me. I would have liked to have given this a higher rating but considering how big of a chore this was to finish, 2/5 is fair.
March 1, 2021
Just when you thought you could not get scared while laughing your ass off, then along comes "Clowns Vs. Spiders"! This is NOT what you think it is!
Here's my video review of this book from my Youtube Channel 'AreYouIntoHorror';
https://youtu.be/ocMXPsCjLS8
Jeff Strand is one of those writers that is hit or miss with me, and this one was a HIT! Right in the eyeball of a 12 inch spider! Carnival clowns; Jaunty, Blue Head, Reginald the nice clown, Wagon, and Guffaw all lose their jobs and realize that they are forced to take jobs as the traveling Halloween Haunted House attraction 'Mountain Of Terror' and work the Scary Clown room just to survive and eat. BUT; 80 years ago, ancient and extremely poisonous 10 inch across spiders came to America aboard a cargo ship, stowing away, then hiding in a cave in the side of a mountain......readying to bust out in the year 2019 and take over a small town!!!.
Now, you are going to look at this title and think the obvious; OMFG, how stupid does this sound? Wrong! This book was so gory, creepy as hell and the clowns in this one are NOT the child eating clowns of 'that other clown book' was, but these are machine gun toting, and revenge and fight to survive good clowns, in SCARY makeup!! Now, with me being the worse of Coulrophobic AND Arachnophobic, this book did disturb and freak the shit out of me at times, however the clowns were not the problem, it was the horrific and fast moving Spiders puncturing, and scooping out peoples eyeballs, biting off their heads and arms and legs, then wrapping them in webs, and it just was a non stop ride into the best kind of Haunted House ride you will ever take! Get ready for 'Clowns Vs. Spiders' and just remember, it is not what you are expecting it to be! Enjoy!
I give this one
🩸🪓🤡🕷
Here's my video review of this book from my Youtube Channel 'AreYouIntoHorror';
https://youtu.be/ocMXPsCjLS8
Jeff Strand is one of those writers that is hit or miss with me, and this one was a HIT! Right in the eyeball of a 12 inch spider! Carnival clowns; Jaunty, Blue Head, Reginald the nice clown, Wagon, and Guffaw all lose their jobs and realize that they are forced to take jobs as the traveling Halloween Haunted House attraction 'Mountain Of Terror' and work the Scary Clown room just to survive and eat. BUT; 80 years ago, ancient and extremely poisonous 10 inch across spiders came to America aboard a cargo ship, stowing away, then hiding in a cave in the side of a mountain......readying to bust out in the year 2019 and take over a small town!!!.
Now, you are going to look at this title and think the obvious; OMFG, how stupid does this sound? Wrong! This book was so gory, creepy as hell and the clowns in this one are NOT the child eating clowns of 'that other clown book' was, but these are machine gun toting, and revenge and fight to survive good clowns, in SCARY makeup!! Now, with me being the worse of Coulrophobic AND Arachnophobic, this book did disturb and freak the shit out of me at times, however the clowns were not the problem, it was the horrific and fast moving Spiders puncturing, and scooping out peoples eyeballs, biting off their heads and arms and legs, then wrapping them in webs, and it just was a non stop ride into the best kind of Haunted House ride you will ever take! Get ready for 'Clowns Vs. Spiders' and just remember, it is not what you are expecting it to be! Enjoy!
I give this one
🩸🪓🤡🕷
July 4, 2021
This is a perfect summer read. Although the subject matter, foot long invading spiders, is dark, the writing style is light. There is an almost fairytale aspect to this story. There are lots of death, but it still felt shallow to me. This is not a bad thing. Every story does not have to wring every last emotion from my soul during the reading. In fact in the summer, I prefer my reading to be lighter. This is definitely a horror/comedy mash-up. The clowns in the book are almost painfully good, I started thinking of them as the clown commune/clown cult, depending on how exasperated I became by their yammering about the "clown code," and their almost simplistic Even the politicians do the right thing with out hesitation. The clown's attempts at being heroes/heroines was hilarious. This truly was one of the finest examples of a perfect summer read I have had the pleasure to indulge in. In the grand scheme of the literary universe, this book would be a a two at best, but as a summer book, read in the days leading up to a long Independence day weekend, this is most assuredly a 4 star book!
October 8, 2019
I'm not afraid of spiders but
I don't want to meet any of these ones
Spiders on a ship make it to land but hide for a century
Then the horror house comes to town and some good hearted clowns are part of it
And through some tragic and comedic turns have to try destroy the spiders and save the town.....
Do they succeed. You'll have to read and see
I don't want to meet any of these ones
Spiders on a ship make it to land but hide for a century
Then the horror house comes to town and some good hearted clowns are part of it
And through some tragic and comedic turns have to try destroy the spiders and save the town.....
Do they succeed. You'll have to read and see
November 30, 2019
Coulrophobia and Arachnophobia folks be prepared to be irrationally scared. Jeff Strand tackles his absurd storyline with a skilled mixture of horror and humor. Not since Westside Story’s Jets vs Sharks have there been a side to pick...what will you choose Team Clown or Team Spider.
September 15, 2022
I've heard literally nothing about this book before picking it up and it was definitely a fun one. I would read this again and recommend it to a number of people
October 16, 2024
I do like spiders, but after 25% in, I'm officially team Clown now 😱.
Update: Despite the creepy cover this was so silly and campy, I couldn’t help but laugh through so many scenes. There couldn’t be a nicer bunch of clowns that ever existed. ❤️ I thought the pacing was good and the perfect length for this type of story. I really enjoyed this and happy I went outside my comfort zone; it was worth it! I would definitely try more from this author. 👍
Update: Despite the creepy cover this was so silly and campy, I couldn’t help but laugh through so many scenes. There couldn’t be a nicer bunch of clowns that ever existed. ❤️ I thought the pacing was good and the perfect length for this type of story. I really enjoyed this and happy I went outside my comfort zone; it was worth it! I would definitely try more from this author. 👍
January 13, 2024
Only Jeff Strand could pull this off.
March 6, 2021
I really enjoyed this comic horror story where a group of clowns that are acting as scary clowns at a haunted house have to battle really big spiders in order to survive. I love that it takes two things that most people, including me, are afraid of and makes them battle each other to win. One of my favorite scenes was when the clowns went into a library and saw spider innards all over some Harry Potter books, given Ron's fear of spiders. I will definitely read more books by this author.
July 7, 2021
Jeff Strand is extremely good at melding comedy and horror and is an extremely skilled writer. I’ve only ever read one other Jeff Strand book (Blister) and I really loved it, this one not as much. It was more goofy then horror, though I think at least most people would be creeped out by the concept of ancient giant spiders. It was a quick fun read, not the best but certainly not the worst. The conversions felt weird and unnatural at times especially towards the end, but the characters were fun and funny to read. Overall an ok read.
October 25, 2019
As a lifelong severe arachnophobe, why would I read a story about Clowns (I'm a Coulrophobe also) and totally humongous Spiders in ginormous Swarms? Given that, why did I frequently find humor? Why did I so strongly empathize with the protagonists?
Credit for the humor and the empathy is solely due to the author, Jeff Strand, who created characters I couldn't help but admire and cheer on, applauding their integrity, friendship, and strength of character. He also interleaves humor, even chuckles, throughout the book, despite the fact that an Apocalypse of Arachnid Proportions is one of the worst potential world-ending events I can imagine.
If you've read the Andrew Mayhem Series or KUTTER or THE HAUNTED FOREST TOUR, you already know how this author can giftedly balance humor and gore, while serving up characters you can't help but admire. So shove aside your Arachnophobia, and dig in.
Credit for the humor and the empathy is solely due to the author, Jeff Strand, who created characters I couldn't help but admire and cheer on, applauding their integrity, friendship, and strength of character. He also interleaves humor, even chuckles, throughout the book, despite the fact that an Apocalypse of Arachnid Proportions is one of the worst potential world-ending events I can imagine.
If you've read the Andrew Mayhem Series or KUTTER or THE HAUNTED FOREST TOUR, you already know how this author can giftedly balance humor and gore, while serving up characters you can't help but admire. So shove aside your Arachnophobia, and dig in.
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