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În acest roman de debut, Carolina Setterwall rememorează intensitatea îndrăgostirii și șocul pierderii bărbatului iubit.
Carolina și Aksel s-au cunoscut la o petrecere, iar prima lor întâlnire, plină de pasiune, s-a transformat într-un joc al seducției care a dus la întemeierea unei familii.
Pentru a face puțină ordine în haosul existențial, Carolina descrie lunile de după moartea lui Aksel, iar însemnările sale au acuratețea unui jurnal de bord. Cu o precizie de chirurg, ea dezvăluie detaliile vieții lor de dinainte de tragedie, încercând să găsească o explicație pentru destinul său nefericit.
Când o nouă iubire îi iese în cale, Carolina se trezește că ea însăși dovedește atitudinea reticentă pe care Aksel a avut-o odată.
Acum i se oferă șansa unui nou început – dar oare va ști ea să n-o irosească?
Carolina și Aksel s-au cunoscut la o petrecere, iar prima lor întâlnire, plină de pasiune, s-a transformat într-un joc al seducției care a dus la întemeierea unei familii.
Pentru a face puțină ordine în haosul existențial, Carolina descrie lunile de după moartea lui Aksel, iar însemnările sale au acuratețea unui jurnal de bord. Cu o precizie de chirurg, ea dezvăluie detaliile vieții lor de dinainte de tragedie, încercând să găsească o explicație pentru destinul său nefericit.
Când o nouă iubire îi iese în cale, Carolina se trezește că ea însăși dovedește atitudinea reticentă pe care Aksel a avut-o odată.
Acum i se oferă șansa unui nou început – dar oare va ști ea să n-o irosească?
448 pages, Paperback
First published March 2, 2018
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May 21, 2022
Continuar...
Quantas histórias se escreveram já sobre perdas súbitas, aquelas mortes não anunciadas que marcam para a vida os que ficam?!
Há ficções, verdades e meias-verdades...
No caso particular, a autora narra-nos uma experiência de vida camuflada, pois ela própria foi vítima do choque catalisado pela morte inesperada do marido.
Um romance comovente capaz de suscitar a empatia daqueles que já passaram pelo mesmo, e... preparar outros para o que pode acontecer a qualquer momento...
———————-+++++++++++++++++—————-++++++++++++++————
Moving On...
How can we go on?
Our life is frozen, still stuck into the past...
We feel empty, abulic, helpless ... until we finally make peace with the Past, and rise to the Present!...
This sort of picture is quite common after a sudden loss.
Inspired by her own sad story, Carolina S delivers one of these agonizing life episodes
Quantas histórias se escreveram já sobre perdas súbitas, aquelas mortes não anunciadas que marcam para a vida os que ficam?!
Há ficções, verdades e meias-verdades...
No caso particular, a autora narra-nos uma experiência de vida camuflada, pois ela própria foi vítima do choque catalisado pela morte inesperada do marido.
Um romance comovente capaz de suscitar a empatia daqueles que já passaram pelo mesmo, e... preparar outros para o que pode acontecer a qualquer momento...
———————-+++++++++++++++++—————-++++++++++++++————
Moving On...
How can we go on?
Our life is frozen, still stuck into the past...
We feel empty, abulic, helpless ... until we finally make peace with the Past, and rise to the Present!...
This sort of picture is quite common after a sudden loss.
Inspired by her own sad story, Carolina S delivers one of these agonizing life episodes
June 7, 2019
This book is written from the perspective of a young widow, Carolina to he husband Askel, after his sudden death. She recounts their early relationship and the birth of their son. She also writes about her experiences in the two years after his death. The book covers a period of around ten years. She tells of the traumatic times bringing up their son alone. Carolina is not the easiest of people as she freely admits, but she'd tells us her story open and honestly.
It's hard to write a review that's dealing with someone's raw emotions. When someone we love passes, we all grieve in different ways. It's quite a sad story to read. It's moving and will touch many readers hearts. It's difficult to read in places and I had to stop reading it several times as I could not see for the tears. A really well written story that will resonate with many readers.
I would like to thank NetGalley, Bloomsbury Publishing Plc (UK & ANZ) and the author Carolina Setterwell for my ARC in exchange for an honest review.
It's hard to write a review that's dealing with someone's raw emotions. When someone we love passes, we all grieve in different ways. It's quite a sad story to read. It's moving and will touch many readers hearts. It's difficult to read in places and I had to stop reading it several times as I could not see for the tears. A really well written story that will resonate with many readers.
I would like to thank NetGalley, Bloomsbury Publishing Plc (UK & ANZ) and the author Carolina Setterwell for my ARC in exchange for an honest review.
September 2, 2021
Trec direct la subiect, cartea asta nu merită să mai pierd timpul cu o introducere. Firul narativ se împarte în două planuri. În cel din prezent o vedem pe Carolina în perioada de doliu, după ce și-a găsit iubitul mort în pat și a rămas o mamă singură. În planul din trecut ne este descrisă relația lor.
Doliul
Scena în care îl găsește mort este extrem de tulburătoare și m-a făcut să mă simt rău, chiar și fizic, însă cam atat e de capul cărții. În rest, tipa doar plânge și se plânge de absolut tot. Mai bine de un an a stat zilnic măcar o persoană cu ea, fie rudă sau prieten, și a ajutat-o la treburile casei și la creșterea copilului. Ea ba se simțea sufocată, ba respinsă când oamenii se mai întorceau și la viața lor. Nu avea energie pentru nimic altceva decât pentru a comenta despre orice și a critica tot. Aș fi compătimit-o, dacă aș fi simțit că l-a iubit pe Aksel, dar când afli despre cum se purta cu el...
Relația
Nu am înțeles ce au căutat ei împreună. Încă din primele săptămâni am simțit că nu se potrivesc deloc, iar sentimentul ăsta a devenit mai intens pe măsură ce relația avansa. Ea era prea mofturoasă, stresantă și cicălitoare, iar el, prea rece, închis în sine și apatic. Cum au hotărât ei să aibă un copil? Ea i-a zis că îl părăsește, dacă nu fac unul. El a răspuns în scârbă că e de acord, apoi a plecat de-acasă când a rămas însărcinată pentru că spera ca asta să se întâmple mai târziu. După ce a născut, a lăsat totul pe spatele lui Aksel, de la cumpărături până la creșterea copilului. Ea nu putea, era obosită după atâtea critici și pretenții. Să nu mai spun despre certuri... Atâtea certuri!
Ea este o persoană absolut odioasă, inclusiv ca mamă. La 9 luni îi dă copilului conservă cu sos de carne, chiftele și mâncare la borcan. Bonus, îl lasă să mănânce când se uită pe telefon. La doi ani îi ia un iPad. Se plânge tot timpul când copilul e prea vesel, sau prea trist, sau bolnav, sau nu vrea să doarmă etc. N-am văzut în cărți nicio altă mamă care să merite mai puțin acest statut decât ea. Cel mai oribil lucru pe care l-a făcut a fost că l-a înmormântat pe Aksel. El a spus că vrea doar să îi fie aruncată cenușa în aer liber. Ea i-a organizat înmormântare cu 150 de persoane și i-a lăsat pe cei de la firmă să îi împrăștie undeva cenușa.
Nu, nu înțeleg sub nicio formă cu ce poți rămâne după lectura asta deopotrivă ștearsă și sufocantă. Eventual, cu o imensă antipatie care se îndreaptă în grabă spre dezgust față de protagonistă. Dacă vreți să citiți jurnalul plictisitor al unei femei enervante și instabile emoțional...
,,Tot ce mă înconjoară te plânge și îți marchează absența..."
,,Nu totul trebuie rostit."
Doliul
Scena în care îl găsește mort este extrem de tulburătoare și m-a făcut să mă simt rău, chiar și fizic, însă cam atat e de capul cărții. În rest, tipa doar plânge și se plânge de absolut tot. Mai bine de un an a stat zilnic măcar o persoană cu ea, fie rudă sau prieten, și a ajutat-o la treburile casei și la creșterea copilului. Ea ba se simțea sufocată, ba respinsă când oamenii se mai întorceau și la viața lor. Nu avea energie pentru nimic altceva decât pentru a comenta despre orice și a critica tot. Aș fi compătimit-o, dacă aș fi simțit că l-a iubit pe Aksel, dar când afli despre cum se purta cu el...
Relația
Nu am înțeles ce au căutat ei împreună. Încă din primele săptămâni am simțit că nu se potrivesc deloc, iar sentimentul ăsta a devenit mai intens pe măsură ce relația avansa. Ea era prea mofturoasă, stresantă și cicălitoare, iar el, prea rece, închis în sine și apatic. Cum au hotărât ei să aibă un copil? Ea i-a zis că îl părăsește, dacă nu fac unul. El a răspuns în scârbă că e de acord, apoi a plecat de-acasă când a rămas însărcinată pentru că spera ca asta să se întâmple mai târziu. După ce a născut, a lăsat totul pe spatele lui Aksel, de la cumpărături până la creșterea copilului. Ea nu putea, era obosită după atâtea critici și pretenții. Să nu mai spun despre certuri... Atâtea certuri!
Ea este o persoană absolut odioasă, inclusiv ca mamă. La 9 luni îi dă copilului conservă cu sos de carne, chiftele și mâncare la borcan. Bonus, îl lasă să mănânce când se uită pe telefon. La doi ani îi ia un iPad. Se plânge tot timpul când copilul e prea vesel, sau prea trist, sau bolnav, sau nu vrea să doarmă etc. N-am văzut în cărți nicio altă mamă care să merite mai puțin acest statut decât ea. Cel mai oribil lucru pe care l-a făcut a fost că l-a înmormântat pe Aksel. El a spus că vrea doar să îi fie aruncată cenușa în aer liber. Ea i-a organizat înmormântare cu 150 de persoane și i-a lăsat pe cei de la firmă să îi împrăștie undeva cenușa.
Nu, nu înțeleg sub nicio formă cu ce poți rămâne după lectura asta deopotrivă ștearsă și sufocantă. Eventual, cu o imensă antipatie care se îndreaptă în grabă spre dezgust față de protagonistă. Dacă vreți să citiți jurnalul plictisitor al unei femei enervante și instabile emoțional...
,,Tot ce mă înconjoară te plânge și îți marchează absența..."
,,Nu totul trebuie rostit."
December 31, 2019
I won this book in a giveaway in exchange for an honest review...
I really liked the authors voice. She was able to portray herself in a way that was super relatable and easy to understand. I found myself taking her "side" in the different instances in the book where she has disagreements with other people! If I ever meet this author in person, I am going to give her a hug!
I really liked the authors voice. She was able to portray herself in a way that was super relatable and easy to understand. I found myself taking her "side" in the different instances in the book where she has disagreements with other people! If I ever meet this author in person, I am going to give her a hug!
December 18, 2019
DNF at page 168 of 372.
This will be a long review for a book I didn't finish!
This is a memoir. I was mislead, because I thought it was a murder mystery. The first chapter speaks of an email a husband sends to his wife of his passwords in the case of his death, but "let's hope for the best." Doesn't that scream murder mystery to you?
But a young husband does die in his sleep (no spoiler, this happens on page 15) leaving an wife (age 36) and infant son in Sweden. Very sad...as the wife points out over and over and over. The chapters go day by day, hour by hour after the death. The baby has colic and cries so the wife is dealing with the two most stressful life events at once. By page 168 the funeral hasn't even happened yet and it's been over a month. So #1 reaction=very depressing.
The wife has a great support system, both in friends and family, and the country. I am dumbfounded by the constant appearance of many friends each day. When the wife decides to sell the car, she asks a friend who will handle *everything*--putting the ad in the paper, dealing with people, the transaction, everything. The day of the death friends get a new bed, bedding, arrange the place, clean and pack the deceased's clothes. During times when I've dealt with a death in the family I'm thrilled to get a frozen casserole to give a point of reference. But it occurs to me the younger a person dies, the more friends and family you have compared to a death of a grandparent.
The wife also is getting maternity leave and can now also apply for grievance leave as well in the country. It sounds as if counseling is also provided.
So #2 reaction=jealousy. Sure, everyone mourns differently and at different speeds but man, this woman is nesting in comfort compared to those who have to go to work the week after a death, handle a baby by themselves, move because of income slashed in half, deal with possessions, having frosty in-laws, etc.
The story of the couple is told in flashbacks, and believe you-me, if this were my daughter I would have cautioned against marrying, let alone having a child, in the first place. It was a very one-sided relationship with the woman doing all the work and forcing the man to agree that they are boyfriend and girlfriend, plan any vacations, buy an apartment, even have a baby. (Come to think of it, I never read about them getting married, so perhaps husband and wife are the wrong adjectives.) So #3 reaction=anger that the woman is/was settling for so little.
I've only read 10 pages each day for the last 3 days. Maybe it's because it's December, with dark afternoons, but this book is just too depressing to continue. The writing's fine but it's just too much sadness and angst.
This is an ARC and I'm always thinking of who to give this to read next...but this is one book that isn't traveling.
This will be a long review for a book I didn't finish!
This is a memoir. I was mislead, because I thought it was a murder mystery. The first chapter speaks of an email a husband sends to his wife of his passwords in the case of his death, but "let's hope for the best." Doesn't that scream murder mystery to you?
But a young husband does die in his sleep (no spoiler, this happens on page 15) leaving an wife (age 36) and infant son in Sweden. Very sad...as the wife points out over and over and over. The chapters go day by day, hour by hour after the death. The baby has colic and cries so the wife is dealing with the two most stressful life events at once. By page 168 the funeral hasn't even happened yet and it's been over a month. So #1 reaction=very depressing.
The wife has a great support system, both in friends and family, and the country. I am dumbfounded by the constant appearance of many friends each day. When the wife decides to sell the car, she asks a friend who will handle *everything*--putting the ad in the paper, dealing with people, the transaction, everything. The day of the death friends get a new bed, bedding, arrange the place, clean and pack the deceased's clothes. During times when I've dealt with a death in the family I'm thrilled to get a frozen casserole to give a point of reference. But it occurs to me the younger a person dies, the more friends and family you have compared to a death of a grandparent.
The wife also is getting maternity leave and can now also apply for grievance leave as well in the country. It sounds as if counseling is also provided.
So #2 reaction=jealousy. Sure, everyone mourns differently and at different speeds but man, this woman is nesting in comfort compared to those who have to go to work the week after a death, handle a baby by themselves, move because of income slashed in half, deal with possessions, having frosty in-laws, etc.
The story of the couple is told in flashbacks, and believe you-me, if this were my daughter I would have cautioned against marrying, let alone having a child, in the first place. It was a very one-sided relationship with the woman doing all the work and forcing the man to agree that they are boyfriend and girlfriend, plan any vacations, buy an apartment, even have a baby. (Come to think of it, I never read about them getting married, so perhaps husband and wife are the wrong adjectives.) So #3 reaction=anger that the woman is/was settling for so little.
I've only read 10 pages each day for the last 3 days. Maybe it's because it's December, with dark afternoons, but this book is just too depressing to continue. The writing's fine but it's just too much sadness and angst.
This is an ARC and I'm always thinking of who to give this to read next...but this is one book that isn't traveling.
March 4, 2019
Det her er en af de stærkeste bøger om sorg, jeg nogensinde har læst. Fortællingen er så rørende ærlig, og den viser sorgens ansigt på både godt og ondt, samtidig med at den viser, at det er okay at komme igennem hele følelsesregisteret. Den sparker også til nogle antagelser om sorg generelt, og sætter spørgsmålstegn ved en del naturlige ritualer, som vi normalt bare udfører i forbindelse med tabet af et andet menneske.
Vi følger Carolina både før og efter Aksels død, og hun er simpelthen så menneskelig og relaterbar, at det stikker lidt i hjertet under læsningen. Derudover ser vi deres parhold fra den spæde begyndelse og til det allersidste, og det er ikke kun lyserøde skyer. Forhold er hårdt arbejde, og man kan ikke altid være den perfekte kæreste, hvilket romanen også portrætterer så godt!
"Det er det samme værelse som i går og alligevel ikke. Jeg bliver rørt ved tanken om alt det, de har gjort, dem, der elsker mig, og som ikke ved, hvad de skal stille op for at gøre livet udholdeligt for mig igen. Jeg begynder at græde af taknemmelighed. Og fordi du lå herinde og døde for så kort tid siden." - citat.
Jeg kunne mærke Carolinas sorg, og selvom jeg aldrig er gået igennem alt det, som hun måtte igennem, så er sorgen genkendelig, og jeg er sikker på, at mange vil kunne finde trøst i fortællingen. Selvom det handler om sorg og bearbejdelsen af denne, så handler bogen også om håb for fremtiden, og at man hver dag sætter det ene skridt foran det andet. Det er en bog, der hjemsøger mine tanker, og den får virkelig mine varmeste anbefalinger.
Vi følger Carolina både før og efter Aksels død, og hun er simpelthen så menneskelig og relaterbar, at det stikker lidt i hjertet under læsningen. Derudover ser vi deres parhold fra den spæde begyndelse og til det allersidste, og det er ikke kun lyserøde skyer. Forhold er hårdt arbejde, og man kan ikke altid være den perfekte kæreste, hvilket romanen også portrætterer så godt!
"Det er det samme værelse som i går og alligevel ikke. Jeg bliver rørt ved tanken om alt det, de har gjort, dem, der elsker mig, og som ikke ved, hvad de skal stille op for at gøre livet udholdeligt for mig igen. Jeg begynder at græde af taknemmelighed. Og fordi du lå herinde og døde for så kort tid siden." - citat.
Jeg kunne mærke Carolinas sorg, og selvom jeg aldrig er gået igennem alt det, som hun måtte igennem, så er sorgen genkendelig, og jeg er sikker på, at mange vil kunne finde trøst i fortællingen. Selvom det handler om sorg og bearbejdelsen af denne, så handler bogen også om håb for fremtiden, og at man hver dag sætter det ene skridt foran det andet. Det er en bog, der hjemsøger mine tanker, og den får virkelig mine varmeste anbefalinger.
February 26, 2021
4/5
Toks skausmo, gedulo ir netekties skrodimas, kokio jau senokai neteko literatūroje aptikti. Su šviesuliais ir pragiedruliais, bet taip iki skausmo realistiškai, taip absoliučiai įtikinamai, kad net kvapą gniaužia. Su visais žmogiškais netobulumais ir visomis ydomis, visomis klaidomis, kurias dažnai tenka pripažinti tik tada, kai per vėlu. Su meile, bet ir lengvu išprotėjimu, kuris eina koja kojon, jei myli labai, jei myli ir bijai, jei myli ir jauti, kad viskas truputį slysta iš rankų, truputį smėlis tarp pirštų. Skaičiuojant laiką, nes įpratai jį skaičiuoti – iki pirmo „myliu tave“, tokio pavėluoto, kad beveik absurdiško, iki pirmo nėštumo testo, kurio rezultato bijai kad ir ką išvystum, pirmo buto, už kurį sumokėjai, automobilio, kurį tik viena vairavai, bendrų atostogų, kurias išrinkai. Kuomet tiek santykiai, tiek jų netektis primena bagažą, kurį tenka tempti paskui save. Kad ir kur eitum.
Labiausiai žavi absoliutus atvirumas – pradedant prisipažinimais, kurie dažnai gėdingi net (o gal ypač?..) savo paties draugijoje, baigiant akivaizdžiu pagrindinės veikėjos augimu – natūraliu, nepritemptu, bet visiškai įtikinančiu. Nebuvo nė vienos akimirkos, kada pagalvočiau, kad tuo, kas vyksta, ne(be)tikiu – kiekvienas sprendimas, kiekvienas pasirinkimas, kiekvienas ėjimas man atrodė vietoje ir laiku, taip skausmingai gyvenimiškai, taip nenušlifuotai, vietomis net žiauriai - kaip plėšti šašą nuo žaizdos vėl, vėl, dar kartą, o tada dar šliūkštelėti druskos. Ir dar citrina įtrinti. Vis dėlto, galbūt skandinaviškai, o galbūt tiesiog taip, kaip patinka man, išvengiama absoliučios savigailos, bet tuo pat metu ir pakylėtumo – nei vienas, nei kitas, nebūtų man padaręs tokio įspūdžio. Jokių gilių ir kvailai filosofiškų frazių, tik bandymas nagais ir dantimis kabintis į realybę, o ir visiškai aiškus ir net nuostabą bei susižavėjimą keliantis tikrovės pripažinimas. Tokio literatūroje, ypač prisimenant išėjusius, ne tiek jau ir daug. Bet vietomis pagavau save beveik nekvėpuojančią. Nes neaišku, kas skaudėjo labiau – taip gyventi ar taip netekti.
Nors tiek pradžia, tiek pabaiga man pasirodė nepaprastai stiprios, viena žvaigždutė mano akyse krenta už knygos vidurį – man jis buvo kiek ištęstas, kiek nereikalingas, pasikartojantis. Bet kiek čia gražaus simbolizmo, kiek meilės, kiek nenušlifuoto žmogiškumo... Bet svarbiausia – kiek visgi šviesos. Tame gebėjime pripažinti, matyti, ne idealizuoti, o suvokti, ne pakelti aukščiau, o žiūrėti tiesiai į akis, ne sudievinti, o nuleisti ant žemės. Retai taip nutinka, kai kalba pasisuka apie skausmą. O šis mane įtikino kiekviena iškentėta sekunde. Iki kol sekundės nebetampa kančia.
Toks skausmo, gedulo ir netekties skrodimas, kokio jau senokai neteko literatūroje aptikti. Su šviesuliais ir pragiedruliais, bet taip iki skausmo realistiškai, taip absoliučiai įtikinamai, kad net kvapą gniaužia. Su visais žmogiškais netobulumais ir visomis ydomis, visomis klaidomis, kurias dažnai tenka pripažinti tik tada, kai per vėlu. Su meile, bet ir lengvu išprotėjimu, kuris eina koja kojon, jei myli labai, jei myli ir bijai, jei myli ir jauti, kad viskas truputį slysta iš rankų, truputį smėlis tarp pirštų. Skaičiuojant laiką, nes įpratai jį skaičiuoti – iki pirmo „myliu tave“, tokio pavėluoto, kad beveik absurdiško, iki pirmo nėštumo testo, kurio rezultato bijai kad ir ką išvystum, pirmo buto, už kurį sumokėjai, automobilio, kurį tik viena vairavai, bendrų atostogų, kurias išrinkai. Kuomet tiek santykiai, tiek jų netektis primena bagažą, kurį tenka tempti paskui save. Kad ir kur eitum.
Labiausiai žavi absoliutus atvirumas – pradedant prisipažinimais, kurie dažnai gėdingi net (o gal ypač?..) savo paties draugijoje, baigiant akivaizdžiu pagrindinės veikėjos augimu – natūraliu, nepritemptu, bet visiškai įtikinančiu. Nebuvo nė vienos akimirkos, kada pagalvočiau, kad tuo, kas vyksta, ne(be)tikiu – kiekvienas sprendimas, kiekvienas pasirinkimas, kiekvienas ėjimas man atrodė vietoje ir laiku, taip skausmingai gyvenimiškai, taip nenušlifuotai, vietomis net žiauriai - kaip plėšti šašą nuo žaizdos vėl, vėl, dar kartą, o tada dar šliūkštelėti druskos. Ir dar citrina įtrinti. Vis dėlto, galbūt skandinaviškai, o galbūt tiesiog taip, kaip patinka man, išvengiama absoliučios savigailos, bet tuo pat metu ir pakylėtumo – nei vienas, nei kitas, nebūtų man padaręs tokio įspūdžio. Jokių gilių ir kvailai filosofiškų frazių, tik bandymas nagais ir dantimis kabintis į realybę, o ir visiškai aiškus ir net nuostabą bei susižavėjimą keliantis tikrovės pripažinimas. Tokio literatūroje, ypač prisimenant išėjusius, ne tiek jau ir daug. Bet vietomis pagavau save beveik nekvėpuojančią. Nes neaišku, kas skaudėjo labiau – taip gyventi ar taip netekti.
Nors tiek pradžia, tiek pabaiga man pasirodė nepaprastai stiprios, viena žvaigždutė mano akyse krenta už knygos vidurį – man jis buvo kiek ištęstas, kiek nereikalingas, pasikartojantis. Bet kiek čia gražaus simbolizmo, kiek meilės, kiek nenušlifuoto žmogiškumo... Bet svarbiausia – kiek visgi šviesos. Tame gebėjime pripažinti, matyti, ne idealizuoti, o suvokti, ne pakelti aukščiau, o žiūrėti tiesiai į akis, ne sudievinti, o nuleisti ant žemės. Retai taip nutinka, kai kalba pasisuka apie skausmą. O šis mane įtikino kiekviena iškentėta sekunde. Iki kol sekundės nebetampa kančia.
June 5, 2020
Το αυτοβιογραφικο πεζογράφημα "Μακάρι όλα να πάνε καλά" της Καρολίνα Σετερβαλ πραγματεύεται με ανελέητο και ρεαλιστικό τρόπο όλες τις όψεις του πένθους , την απώλ��ια και τον πόνο. Η ίδια έχει μόλις χάσει τον σύντροφο και πατέρα του νεογέννητου παιδιού της και βιώνει τη μητρότητα με τρόπο που πραγματικά σε συνταράσσει. Η αφήγηση στο πρώτο μέρος του βιβλίου γίνεται με αναδρομη στο παρελθόν όπου μας περιγράφει με συγκινητική αμεσοτητα τις πρώτες στιγμές της γνωριμίας του ζευγαριού ,την προσπάθεια της να πλησιάσει τον απόμακρο σύντροφό της μέχρι και τον αιφνίδιο θάνατο του ο οποίος ανέτρεψε όλα όσα είχε δεδομένα εν μια νυκτί. Παρακολουθούμε την Καρολίνα να απευθύνεται στον σύντροφό της τον Ακσελ καθόλη τη διάρκεια του βιβλίου , να του περιγράφει πώς βίωσε την κάθε στιγμή χωρίς εκείνον,πως προσπάθησε να διατηρήσει όλους τους ρόλους μέσα σε μια οικογένεια, πως τελικά μπήκε στη ζωή της ένας άλλος άντρας ο οποίος βίωνε τη δική του οδύνη. Τελικά ξεπερνάει κάνεις ποτέ μια τέτοια απώλεια;Σίγουρα η ζωή μπορεί να συνεχιστεί και σίγουρα όλα κάποια στιγμή θα πάνε καλά. Με τον έναν η τον άλλο τρόπο ακόμα κι αν δεν επέλθει το ανενομενο "happy end". Συνοψίζοντας θα έλεγα πως πρόκειται για έναν μονόλογο πένθους, έναν διαφορετικό θρήνο , μια πραγματικη ιστορία και μια γυναίκα που απλά θέλει να μοιραστει τη δική της αλήθεια!
February 22, 2019
Lad os håbe på det bedste er en knytnæve lige i solar plexus. Den rammer der, hvor det gør allermest ondt, og den slår luften ud af sin læser. Carolina Setterwall fortæller med en hjerteskærende ærlighed om at miste, om at føle skyld og om at være et menneske med fejl.
Det er nok den mest ægte kærlighedsberetning, jeg endnu har læst. Forfatteren simplificerer ikke sig selv eller sine relationer til andre. Vi får hele mennesket med alle de fejl og mangler, der er. Selv den boblende forelskelse er nuanceret og ikke det mindste idylliseret. For i modsætning til de fleste fortællinger om forelskelse, så oplever Carolina, at både indre og ydre konflikter opstår, når man skal hengive sig til et andet menneske og hun formår at påpege både egne og den nu afdøde Aksels fejl.
Jeg sank helt ind i hovedpersonens store sorg og hendes kamp for at få en almindelig hverdag, og kun sjældent har jeg kunnet genkende mig selv så meget i en roman.
Læs meget mere her: https://bookmeupscotty.blogspot.com/2...
Det er nok den mest ægte kærlighedsberetning, jeg endnu har læst. Forfatteren simplificerer ikke sig selv eller sine relationer til andre. Vi får hele mennesket med alle de fejl og mangler, der er. Selv den boblende forelskelse er nuanceret og ikke det mindste idylliseret. For i modsætning til de fleste fortællinger om forelskelse, så oplever Carolina, at både indre og ydre konflikter opstår, når man skal hengive sig til et andet menneske og hun formår at påpege både egne og den nu afdøde Aksels fejl.
Jeg sank helt ind i hovedpersonens store sorg og hendes kamp for at få en almindelig hverdag, og kun sjældent har jeg kunnet genkende mig selv så meget i en roman.
Læs meget mere her: https://bookmeupscotty.blogspot.com/2...
July 7, 2019
This book was simply WOW!
I was already one third through when I finally looked it up and realized it was based on a real story, on the author's life and was even autobiographical.
My gosh, Ms Setterwall, if you're reading this - my heart goes out to you.
Your story was a true gut punch. And for those who haven't lost their loved ones to sudden death, perhaps a necessary one.
My eyes were constantly wet. I had to blink hard to keep reading but your writing was so poignant and honest, and straight forward.
I grew up between Latvia and New York. And my first love in Latvia, while not at the age of 30something, felt exactly like the parties you described in Sweden. So I had to go through a lot of What Ifs while reading this book, thinking about and feeling how it felt being in that environment, surrounded by people who tend to be more closed in than you realize.
I guess cold environment and weather makes a person more feathered into his/her own inner world of warmth, and they don't often let you in even when you're supposedly close and even living together.
I want to say a huge thank you for taking your time to go through it again and again with every re-write and edit you must have done to get this story out. It woke me up. It made me hug my own husband and son. And it made me fall in love with life in a wholly new and unexpected way.
I hope you find the biggest happiness in the world and in your life!
Thank you for the arc in exchange for my honest review.
I was already one third through when I finally looked it up and realized it was based on a real story, on the author's life and was even autobiographical.
My gosh, Ms Setterwall, if you're reading this - my heart goes out to you.
Your story was a true gut punch. And for those who haven't lost their loved ones to sudden death, perhaps a necessary one.
My eyes were constantly wet. I had to blink hard to keep reading but your writing was so poignant and honest, and straight forward.
I grew up between Latvia and New York. And my first love in Latvia, while not at the age of 30something, felt exactly like the parties you described in Sweden. So I had to go through a lot of What Ifs while reading this book, thinking about and feeling how it felt being in that environment, surrounded by people who tend to be more closed in than you realize.
I guess cold environment and weather makes a person more feathered into his/her own inner world of warmth, and they don't often let you in even when you're supposedly close and even living together.
I want to say a huge thank you for taking your time to go through it again and again with every re-write and edit you must have done to get this story out. It woke me up. It made me hug my own husband and son. And it made me fall in love with life in a wholly new and unexpected way.
I hope you find the biggest happiness in the world and in your life!
Thank you for the arc in exchange for my honest review.
October 6, 2019
I received an ARC copy of this book from NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.
An autobiographical tale dressed in Fictional clothing. It opens with a email/text from Aksel with instructions of what to do in case of his death. 6 months later a young supposedly healthy man Aksel dies in his sleep and what follows is a mix of Carolina's reminiscence about the development of their relationship and a recounting of her life after his death. For me it is a stream of memories and events that probably helped Carolina to deal with the events but just read like a list of what happened when to me. I think it failed because the author doesn't weave enough into the fictional narrative, it feels almost emotionless at times. I felt like she could have made more of the the original email from Aksel as she fictionalised this account - why is it the opening plot device and then barely mentioned again?
I think the author might have been better to portray her experience as truly an autobiography or fully fiction, this in between just doesn't work.
An autobiographical tale dressed in Fictional clothing. It opens with a email/text from Aksel with instructions of what to do in case of his death. 6 months later a young supposedly healthy man Aksel dies in his sleep and what follows is a mix of Carolina's reminiscence about the development of their relationship and a recounting of her life after his death. For me it is a stream of memories and events that probably helped Carolina to deal with the events but just read like a list of what happened when to me. I think it failed because the author doesn't weave enough into the fictional narrative, it feels almost emotionless at times. I felt like she could have made more of the the original email from Aksel as she fictionalised this account - why is it the opening plot device and then barely mentioned again?
I think the author might have been better to portray her experience as truly an autobiography or fully fiction, this in between just doesn't work.
January 27, 2019
Nogle gange er det svært helt præcist at definere, hvorfor en bog fanger læseren – men fange, det gør denne bog altså. Det er en meget stærk fortælling, der må have krævet en stor del mod at udgive. Knivsskarpt portrætteres sande følelser og tanker, også i de tilfælde hvor det ikke sætter Carolina i et godt lys.
Jeg efterlades med det indtryk, at skrivningen har hjulpet Carolina med at bearbejde det skete og løbende har fortolket historien undervejs i processen – Også med hendes egen efterfølgende refleksion og vurdering af tidligere handlemønstre. Måske har hun lært noget om sig selv. Bogen udstråler under alle omstændigheder en autencitet man sjældent finder i dag.
Sproget er meget enkelt og byder på interessante analyser af forholds udvikling og indbyrdes magtkampe. Derudover behandles et vigtigt emne som hvordan man forklarer døden for børn. Smukt skrevet, følelsesmæssigt ladet og husløst ærlig fortælling.
Jeg efterlades med det indtryk, at skrivningen har hjulpet Carolina med at bearbejde det skete og løbende har fortolket historien undervejs i processen – Også med hendes egen efterfølgende refleksion og vurdering af tidligere handlemønstre. Måske har hun lært noget om sig selv. Bogen udstråler under alle omstændigheder en autencitet man sjældent finder i dag.
Sproget er meget enkelt og byder på interessante analyser af forholds udvikling og indbyrdes magtkampe. Derudover behandles et vigtigt emne som hvordan man forklarer døden for børn. Smukt skrevet, følelsesmæssigt ladet og husløst ærlig fortælling.
December 9, 2019
4.5/5. Carolina Setterwall “Tikėkimės geriausio”. Ech, tikrai nesitikėjau, kad ši istorija mane taip pagaus, netgi nebuvau nei vieno atsiliepimo skaičiusi, tad lūkesčiú šį kartá nebuvo jokiú. Net nemoku apsakyti kokia liūdna ši istorija, tikrai netinkamas metas skaityti prieš didžiásias metú šventes ar žmonėms, kurie itin jautrūs, o galbūt išgyvena sunkú etapá, tačiau taip pagauliai parašyta, nesinori paleisti iš rankú. Labai dviprasmiška, nes pats skaitydamas kankiniesi, tačiau savo noru. Nėra ko slėpti, bene porà kartú teko nubraukti ašará, nes autorė taip tikroviškai perteikia tekstà, kad atrodo ir tau kartu su ja skauda.. Kodėl? Galbūt empatija, o gal tai, kad nei viena moteris nenorėtú pasimatuoti jos skausmo rūbo ir tokios netikėtos situacijos! Kas kartà skaitant vis galvojau, jog niekada negali žinoti kaip pasisuks kiekvieno mūsú likimas, vienà dienà esi ir kuri ateities planus, kità viskas griūva iš pagrindú. Galbūt skeptikai sakys, kad tai eilinė istorija, kasdien daugelis moterú netenka savo antrosios pusės, kasdien vyrai praranda žmonas, bet ši aprašoma istorija neeilinė tuo, kad tai autorės autobiografinis kūrinys, todėl taip stipriai ir jautriai viskas išjausta. Knygos pabaigoje dingtelėjo mintis, kad vis tik tai buvo moters laiškas mirusiam vyrui, nes kur kitur reikėjo padėti ir išlieti savo jausmus ir skaudulius, kam papasakoti, kai visi gyvena savo gyvenimus. Neradau prie ko prikibti šioje knygoje, viskas labai patiko, tikroviška, jausminga, nuostabus rašymo stilius, net sunku patikėti, kad tai debiutinis rašytojos romanas. Manau dar ilgai nepaleis manęs ši knyga.. Pabučiuokim prieš miegà savo brangiausius, pasakykim,kokie jie mums brangūs, kad netektú
May 23, 2019
Pozor, zlý, naštvaný a konec spoilerující komentář.
Měla jsem od téhle knihy jiná očekávání. Smrt partnera, se kterým má hlavní hrdinka malé dítě, no to mě úplně rozerve... Hmm, ne. Nějak jsem před čtením nezaznamenala, že jde o autobiografickou výpověď autorky, a trklo mě to až po přečtení části knihy. Do té doby jsem byla přesvědčená, že se na konci dozvíme, že svého partnera zabila právě Carolina, protože s tak manipulativním magorem jsem se dlouho nesetkala. Naprosto. Nesnesitelná. Ženská. Chudák chlap musí snášet její výmysly, ze kterých je nakonec stejně zklamaná i ona, protože nesplní její očekávání. Donutí ho pořídit si s ní dítě, prý že se pro něj nic nezmění, a dopadne to tak, že on je dopoledne v práci, odpoledne se stará o dítě a v noci zase pracuje. To se jeden nediví, že mu z toho obrovskýho zápřahu přestane bít srdce. (Takže vlastně moje prvotní domněnka, že ona je vrah, nebyla tak daleko od pravdy.) Její kniha à la dopis partnerovi, který s ní očividně nebyl vůbec šťastný, mě má jako rozbrečet? Carolina svůj život vůbec neřeší dospěle, navíc si v jednom kuse protiřečí, např. si jeden měsíc stěžuje, že už neví, jak by se přátelům vymluvila, aby s nimi nikam nemusela chodit, a další měsíc je to "nikdo mě nikam nezve, béé". Nakonec si najde stejně manipulativního magora, jako je ona (to se u mě dostavil velký pocit zadostiučinění), po dvou měsících vztahu je těhotná a s magorem se rozejdou, protože on nemůže skousnout, že Carolina chce jít na potrat. Ok no...
Jediné plus: aspoň si uvědomuje, jak se ke svému mrtvému muži chovala. Nevím, do jaké míry je to autofikce, v každém případě tipuju, že se spíš chovala ještě hůř, než v knize přiznala.
Asi bych neměla řešit jenom příšernou osobnost autorky / hlavní hrdinky (když ona mě TAK STRAŠNĚ MOC iritovala!), tak ještě jedna věc: na začátku čteme e-mail od jejího muže, kde jí pro případ své smrti píše heslo ke svému počítači a cestu k jakémusi dokumentu. Z toho e-mailu i vychází název knihy, tak se dá čekat, že ještě bude důležitý. Ani na konci se ovšem nedozvíme, co tam bylo - a jestli se tam vůbec podívala. Pomyslná Čechovova puška tak zůstává viset na zdi a tohle si autorka měla nechat v šuplíčku, když už se potřebovala vypsat.
Měla jsem od téhle knihy jiná očekávání. Smrt partnera, se kterým má hlavní hrdinka malé dítě, no to mě úplně rozerve... Hmm, ne. Nějak jsem před čtením nezaznamenala, že jde o autobiografickou výpověď autorky, a trklo mě to až po přečtení části knihy. Do té doby jsem byla přesvědčená, že se na konci dozvíme, že svého partnera zabila právě Carolina, protože s tak manipulativním magorem jsem se dlouho nesetkala. Naprosto. Nesnesitelná. Ženská. Chudák chlap musí snášet její výmysly, ze kterých je nakonec stejně zklamaná i ona, protože nesplní její očekávání. Donutí ho pořídit si s ní dítě, prý že se pro něj nic nezmění, a dopadne to tak, že on je dopoledne v práci, odpoledne se stará o dítě a v noci zase pracuje. To se jeden nediví, že mu z toho obrovskýho zápřahu přestane bít srdce. (Takže vlastně moje prvotní domněnka, že ona je vrah, nebyla tak daleko od pravdy.) Její kniha à la dopis partnerovi, který s ní očividně nebyl vůbec šťastný, mě má jako rozbrečet? Carolina svůj život vůbec neřeší dospěle, navíc si v jednom kuse protiřečí, např. si jeden měsíc stěžuje, že už neví, jak by se přátelům vymluvila, aby s nimi nikam nemusela chodit, a další měsíc je to "nikdo mě nikam nezve, béé". Nakonec si najde stejně manipulativního magora, jako je ona (to se u mě dostavil velký pocit zadostiučinění), po dvou měsících vztahu je těhotná a s magorem se rozejdou, protože on nemůže skousnout, že Carolina chce jít na potrat. Ok no...
Jediné plus: aspoň si uvědomuje, jak se ke svému mrtvému muži chovala. Nevím, do jaké míry je to autofikce, v každém případě tipuju, že se spíš chovala ještě hůř, než v knize přiznala.
Asi bych neměla řešit jenom příšernou osobnost autorky / hlavní hrdinky (když ona mě TAK STRAŠNĚ MOC iritovala!), tak ještě jedna věc: na začátku čteme e-mail od jejího muže, kde jí pro případ své smrti píše heslo ke svému počítači a cestu k jakémusi dokumentu. Z toho e-mailu i vychází název knihy, tak se dá čekat, že ještě bude důležitý. Ani na konci se ovšem nedozvíme, co tam bylo - a jestli se tam vůbec podívala. Pomyslná Čechovova puška tak zůstává viset na zdi a tohle si autorka měla nechat v šuplíčku, když už se potřebovala vypsat.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
June 4, 2024
I couldn't finish the book as it was too slow and tedious for me. I found the protagonist to be cold and unlikeable and it left me not wanting to read more about her life.
I apologise to the author but I received the ARC from NetGalley in return for an honest review, and this book was not for me.
I apologise to the author but I received the ARC from NetGalley in return for an honest review, and this book was not for me.
September 26, 2019
In this autofiction novel, Carolina Setterwall takes us on an intense, breath-taking journey through grief, motherhood, and love. This is a gut-wrenching novel which – on more than one occasion – left me close to tears and eager to cement those relationships that I have let drift away. Yet pity or sadness aren’t the only feelings explored in this book; we see the unfiltered humanity of our narrator and empathise with the muddled emotions that accompany such a whirlwind of events.
Grief, with all its intensity, is a feeling often explored in literature, yet in Let’s Hope For the Best it takes on a unique, unapologetic format that will resonate with many readers who have sadly experienced the same. The novel is inspired by Setterwall’s own life and tragedies, and because of this it has an added sense of rawness that we can find lacking in other narratives tackling the same subjects. Yet it isn’t only grief that is presented to us in this realistic manner. The novel also sees the narrator combine her feelings of loss with that of wanting to give life to her young son, and to connect with her family, friends, and new romantic partners too. Despite the overarching theme of grief, there isn’t really one emotion that is given priority in this narrative. Setterwall shows us a character who is desperately struggling to manage a myriad of emotions and events – while time does seemingly stand still for a moment following the tragedy, it ultimately moves forward, and the narrator knows and understands this too. She wants to rush through the part where she is past mourning Aksel’s death (which she believes will be one year later) and get back to being a good mother. While she juggles each daily task and comes to terms with has happened, there is also a delicate juggling of narrative representation in the novel, with regards to what theme is explored. Setterwell finds new, imaginative and realistic ways to describe this grief and growth, so that the reader never tires of the story or their journey within it.
Setterwall also makes the wise decision to split the novel into two sections, divided so because of their time setting. In the first, we jump back and forth between past and present, starting with the day of Aksel’s death and the day that Aksel and our narrator meet. We finish the section when the past catches up with the present and we have been taken on a detailed journey of their romantic relationship. The toing and froing works wonderfully in this respect; each chapter compliments the other. For example, a feeling or quirk discussed in the past surrounding their relationship, is also touched upon when our narrator is in mourning in the present day. This isn’t just a way for the reader to unearth more about their relationship, which of course does give more gravitas and meaning to the death of Aksel. But it is also an opportunity for the narrator herself to connect the moments in her relationship with how she should be feeling now. Aksel is unarguably an absent and difficult partner to love yet love him she did, and in a way that perhaps the reader will never understand. There is this sense of always moving forward, looking for the next thing, reaching for a better moment, which as a reader I related to heavily, particularly in this passage:
“No matter how hard I try, my restlessness, my fierce need to change and progress, wins out against every rational argument I make to myself to take it slow, wait a bit, live in the moment and rest. After a period of calm, it’s as if I’m helpless to resist my impulse to tear things down, to provoke, to wrench us from where we stand, to shake us until we collide and stumble, just to see where we’ll land. I don’t understand this about myself. I’m not sure I even like it about myself. Nevertheless, it happens over and over again.”
It is sections like these that remind me that this isn’t just a story about the life that has been lost but also about the life that has been left behind, and the complicated feelings that have troubled our narrator throughout their passionate relationship. Indeed, in the second part of the novel, once we have caught up with the present day, we find our narrator almost constantly moving forward and pressing towards the future. As time progresses, less direct mention to “you” (Aksel) is made, yet his presence is undoubtedly felt throughout. He never goes away, the narrator just learns to live around her grief, surrounding it with motherhood, a new relationship, and learning just what ‘the right thing’ to feel and do going forward, is.
Of course, this beautiful piece of prose would not have been made possible without the work of a marvellous translator. Indeed, among the beauty of the language and the level of which I immersed myself in the story, I had to remind myself that was still a piece of translated literature. Wessel has managed to recreate the intense tone of the novel, while never losing its striking hardiness. Nothing is compromised or lost in the translation (I can only assume of course) but rather, Wessel has given us a window to the magnificence of Setterwall’s perfect creation. You also get the sense that she must have really known and related to the story on a more personal level, like you would do as a captivated reader, to translate it into something of such readable, enjoyable excellence.
Let’s Hope for the Best is a novel of feeling, power, and exploration. I could never tire of Setterwall’s prose, or the many ways in which she described and unwound her narrator’s emotions. It sets out to confront us, to sadden us, to empower us – and it does just that. When it comes to grief, relationships, and motherhood, there is no ‘right way’ in which to write about any of it. But Let’s Hope for the Best is raw and uncompromising, which is much more than we can ask for in a novel of this complexity.
Grief, with all its intensity, is a feeling often explored in literature, yet in Let’s Hope For the Best it takes on a unique, unapologetic format that will resonate with many readers who have sadly experienced the same. The novel is inspired by Setterwall’s own life and tragedies, and because of this it has an added sense of rawness that we can find lacking in other narratives tackling the same subjects. Yet it isn’t only grief that is presented to us in this realistic manner. The novel also sees the narrator combine her feelings of loss with that of wanting to give life to her young son, and to connect with her family, friends, and new romantic partners too. Despite the overarching theme of grief, there isn’t really one emotion that is given priority in this narrative. Setterwall shows us a character who is desperately struggling to manage a myriad of emotions and events – while time does seemingly stand still for a moment following the tragedy, it ultimately moves forward, and the narrator knows and understands this too. She wants to rush through the part where she is past mourning Aksel’s death (which she believes will be one year later) and get back to being a good mother. While she juggles each daily task and comes to terms with has happened, there is also a delicate juggling of narrative representation in the novel, with regards to what theme is explored. Setterwell finds new, imaginative and realistic ways to describe this grief and growth, so that the reader never tires of the story or their journey within it.
Setterwall also makes the wise decision to split the novel into two sections, divided so because of their time setting. In the first, we jump back and forth between past and present, starting with the day of Aksel’s death and the day that Aksel and our narrator meet. We finish the section when the past catches up with the present and we have been taken on a detailed journey of their romantic relationship. The toing and froing works wonderfully in this respect; each chapter compliments the other. For example, a feeling or quirk discussed in the past surrounding their relationship, is also touched upon when our narrator is in mourning in the present day. This isn’t just a way for the reader to unearth more about their relationship, which of course does give more gravitas and meaning to the death of Aksel. But it is also an opportunity for the narrator herself to connect the moments in her relationship with how she should be feeling now. Aksel is unarguably an absent and difficult partner to love yet love him she did, and in a way that perhaps the reader will never understand. There is this sense of always moving forward, looking for the next thing, reaching for a better moment, which as a reader I related to heavily, particularly in this passage:
“No matter how hard I try, my restlessness, my fierce need to change and progress, wins out against every rational argument I make to myself to take it slow, wait a bit, live in the moment and rest. After a period of calm, it’s as if I’m helpless to resist my impulse to tear things down, to provoke, to wrench us from where we stand, to shake us until we collide and stumble, just to see where we’ll land. I don’t understand this about myself. I’m not sure I even like it about myself. Nevertheless, it happens over and over again.”
It is sections like these that remind me that this isn’t just a story about the life that has been lost but also about the life that has been left behind, and the complicated feelings that have troubled our narrator throughout their passionate relationship. Indeed, in the second part of the novel, once we have caught up with the present day, we find our narrator almost constantly moving forward and pressing towards the future. As time progresses, less direct mention to “you” (Aksel) is made, yet his presence is undoubtedly felt throughout. He never goes away, the narrator just learns to live around her grief, surrounding it with motherhood, a new relationship, and learning just what ‘the right thing’ to feel and do going forward, is.
Of course, this beautiful piece of prose would not have been made possible without the work of a marvellous translator. Indeed, among the beauty of the language and the level of which I immersed myself in the story, I had to remind myself that was still a piece of translated literature. Wessel has managed to recreate the intense tone of the novel, while never losing its striking hardiness. Nothing is compromised or lost in the translation (I can only assume of course) but rather, Wessel has given us a window to the magnificence of Setterwall’s perfect creation. You also get the sense that she must have really known and related to the story on a more personal level, like you would do as a captivated reader, to translate it into something of such readable, enjoyable excellence.
Let’s Hope for the Best is a novel of feeling, power, and exploration. I could never tire of Setterwall’s prose, or the many ways in which she described and unwound her narrator’s emotions. It sets out to confront us, to sadden us, to empower us – and it does just that. When it comes to grief, relationships, and motherhood, there is no ‘right way’ in which to write about any of it. But Let’s Hope for the Best is raw and uncompromising, which is much more than we can ask for in a novel of this complexity.
September 19, 2020
Este livro aborda um dos grandes receios que tenho. O de perder o meu companheiro de vida, aquele que cresceu comigo e em conjunto aprendemos a ser adultos, país, profissionais. Nem consigo imaginar o que será viver sem ele. Como tal tive páginas que passei em frente porque ver em palavras os nossos medos é aterrorizante. Sobre a personagem principal acho que em ambas as relações não foi completamente feliz. Também não gostei da forma como terminou.
February 11, 2020
Αυτοβιογραφικό μυθιστόρημα. Για να είμαι ειλικρινής, αυτές οι δύο λέξεις ήταν που με γοήτευσαν και αναζήτησα το βιβλίο. Δύο λέξεις. Ένα αυτοβιογραφικό μυθιστόρημα, λοιπόν, είναι το ☑️«Μακάρι να πάνε όλα καλά» ☑️της Carolina Setterwall που κυκλοφορεί από τις ☑️Εκδόσεις Μεταίχμιο, σε μια εξαιρετική μετάφραση του Γρηγόρη Κονδύλη
Μακάρι να πάνε όλα καλά, είναι η ευχή που δίνει ο Άκσελ στη σύντροφό του Καρολίνα, μέσα από ένα μέιλ που της στέλνει έτσι ξαφνικά ενημερώνοντάς την για διάφορα πρακτικά θέματα σε περίπτωση θανάτου του. Η Καρολίνα ανησυχεί, αλλά δεν δίνει πολύ σημασία γιατί έτσι είναι ο Άκσελ. Πέντε μήνες μετά εκείνος πεθαίνει.
Το ντεμπούτο της Σουηδής Καρολίνα Σέτερβαλ στη λογοτεχνία είναι δυνατό, σπαρακτικό, αληθινό. Ακροβατεί ανάμεσα στην αυτοβιογραφία της και στη μυθοπλασία. Δίνει το όνομά της στην ηρωίδα για να τη συνδέσει με τα δικά της βιώματα και μιλά για μια σχέση και μια απώλεια.
Ο Άκσελ και η Καρολίνα γνωρίζονται, αγαπιούνται και αποφασίζουν να ζήσουν μαζί. Αποκτούν ένα παιδί τον Ίβαν. Όταν ο Ίβαν είναι περίπου εννέα μηνών ο πατέρας του πεθαίνει και η Καρολίνα καλείται να το αντιμετωπίσει.
Η ιστορία είναι χωρισμένη σε δύο μέρη. Στο πρώτο μέρος ξεδιπλώνεται σε δύο χρόνους, το «τότε» και το «τώρα», που εναλλάσσονται δοσμένα σε μικρά κεφάλαια. Το «τώρα» αρχίζει από τον μήνα που πεθαίνει ο Άκσελ. Είναι Οκτώβρης του 2014.
«Την τελευταία νύχτα που αποκοιμιέμαι, σ΄ένα υπνοδωμάτιο δίπλα στο δικό σου, το κάνω με την πίστη ότι έχουμε χιλιάδες μέρες μπροστά μας. Δεν έχουμε. Αυτή είναι η τελευταία νύχτα μας μαζί. Και δεν την περνάμε ο ένας δίπλα στον άλλον. »
Το «τότε» ξεκινά από τη γνωριμία τους, το 2009, και αρχίζει και «τρέχει» περνώντας τους μήνες γρήγορα, με περιγραφές από τις ζωές τους, πάντα με αφηγητή την Καρολίνα που απευθυνόμενη σε δεύτερο πρόσωπο (στον σύζυγό της) και σε ενεστώτα χρόνο δίνει το στίγμα της συμβίωσής τους. Το «τότε» έρχεται σε αντίθεση με το «τώρα», που είναι κολλημένο στους τρεις μήνες μέχρι το τέλος του χρόνου, μέχρις ότου συναντηθούν και τα δύο.
Το αργό – βαρύ βάδισμα του «τώρα» εναρμονίζεται απόλυτα με το πένθος και τη διαχείρισή του.
Μια φοβερή αντίθεση, ένα λογοτεχνικό tip από τη συγγραφέα – κορυφαίο κατά την άποψή μου -, που τονίζει έτσι τη διαφορά των χαρούμενων στιγμών από εκείνων της θλίψης, που τονίζει ότι μαζί με την απώλεια χάνεται και ένα μέρος της ζωής της.
Τα ερωτηματικά πολλά και σκληρά ταλανίζουν την ηρωίδα, αναρωτιέται τι έπρεπε να είχε κάνει, που έφταιξε, ποια σημαντικά πράγματα δεν ειπώθηκαν ποτέ. Προσπαθεί να διαχειριστεί τη θλίψη, τις ενοχές, τις τύψεις, τον θυμό, την παραίτηση, την πίκρα, τη ζήλια, την οργή. Ένας ολόκληρος κύκλος ξετυλίγεται και περιγράφεται με απίστευτη ειλικρίνεια και ωμότητα. Η επανεξέταση όλης της κοινής τους ζωής περνά από το μικροσκόπιο της Καρολίνας, οι αντικρουόμενες σκέψεις γίνονται βρόγχος, προσπαθεί να βάλει μια τάξη, αναρωτιέται πως θα συνεχίσει, πως θα μεγαλώσει μόνη της το παιδί τους, τι να του πει, πως θα φερθεί, τι πρέπει να κάνει.
Το πρόβλημα είναι ότι η απώλεια δεν αφορά μόνο το τώρα, αλλά και το παρελθόν της και το μέλλον της.
Οι συγγενείς και οι φίλοι βρίσκονται συνέχεια κοντά της και της συμπαραστέκονται όσο μπορούν. Η Καρολίνα περνά από διάφορα στάδια.
«Κάποιοι λένε ότι απόψε θα πάνε και θα αγκαλιάσουν λίγο περισσότερο τον άντρα και τα παιδιά τους. Δεν καταλαβαίνω γιατί το λένε σ΄εμένα. Δεν καταλαβαίνω σε τι θα μου χρησιμεύσει αυτό, πέρα από το να μου θυμίσουν πως είναι κάτι που εγώ δεν μπορώ να κάνω.
Νομίζω πως αρχίζω να γίνομαι πικρόχολη. Δεν δίνω δεκάρα πάντως.»
Καθώς οι δύο αφηγήσεις ενώνονται, κλείνει το πρώτο μέρος του βιβλίου.
Στο δεύτερο μέρος η Καρολίνα πιο ήρεμη τώρα, επιστρέφει στη δουλειά, βάζει μια τάξη στην κοινή, με το παιδί, ζωή της και σιγά σιγά αναφέρεται όλο και πιο λίγο στον Άκσελ, χρησιμοποιώντας πάντα το δεύτερο πρόσωπο. Του μιλά, τον ρωτά, του ανοίγει την ψυχή της γιατί τώρα ένας άλλος άνθρωπος έχει μπει στη ζωή της. Μόνο που τώρα το όνομά του αντικαθίσταται από το «εσύ». Η τρυφερότητα και η αγάπη εξακολουθούν βέβαια να υπάρχουν.
Με μια αφήγηση αφοπλιστικά ειλικρινή, με μια εντιμότητα που σε αφήνει με ανοιχτό το στόμα, η Setterwall ανοίγει την ψυχή της χωρίς να σκέφτεται αν θα κριθεί και κατακριθεί, παρά μόνο με μια διάθεση εξομολογητική μας παρασύρει στο να ζήσουμε τις αγωνίες της, τη θλίψη της, να θυμώσουμε μαζί της για τα λάθη της, να μπούμε σε σκέψεις για τη σωστή ή όχι διαπαιδαγώγηση του παιδιού της, να την αντιπαθήσουμε μερικές φορές και αμέσως μετά να τη συγχωρήσουμε. Αντιφατικά και εναλλασσόμενα είναι τα συναισθήματα όσο κρατά η ανάγνωση.
Οι σκέψεις για τη ζωή, για εκείνο που μπορεί να μην έχεις στο μέλλον, για εκείνο που πρέπει να χαρείς τώρα γιατί δεν ξέρεις το μετά, είναι έντονα διατυπωμένες σε όλη τη διάρκεια της ιστορίας.
«Όλα φαίνονται λογικότερα τώρα, όταν είναι πλέον πολύ αργά για όλα. Μακάρι να μου δινόταν άλλη μια ευκαιρία να σε αγαπήσω. Στην ολότητά σου. Μακάρι να μπορούσα να αλλάξω την ιστορία μας, να ήμουν ένα άλλο άτομο στη σχέση μαζί σου. Ένα άτομο που θα ρωτούσε περισσότερα, που θα άκουγε περισσότερο, που θα καταλάβαινε περισσότερα, που θα διέθετε περισσότερη υπομονή. Αλλά δεν γίνεται. Αντιθέτως σε βλέπω στις εικόνες από τις περιγραφές των άλλων, τις οποίες εγώ έχασα. »
Είναι ένα βιβλίο που πέρα από την αξία του σαν γραφή και αφήγηση, αφήνει έντονα τα σημάδια του καθ΄όλη τη διάρκεια της ανάγνωσης.
Η μετάφραση από τον Γρηγόρη Κονδύλη το απογειώνει.
Θετικά στοιχεία :
1.Δυνατή πλοκή- σφιχτή δομή
2.Δυνατή αφήγηση και ροή του λόγου
3.Εξαίρετη σύνδεση του τότε και του τώρα
3.Προβληματισμοί και ένταση συναισθημάτων
4.Εξαιρετική μετάφραση
Μακάρι να πάνε όλα καλά, είναι η ευχή που δίνει ο Άκσελ στη σύντροφό του Καρολίνα, μέσα από ένα μέιλ που της στέλνει έτσι ξαφνικά ενημερώνοντάς την για διάφορα πρακτικά θέματα σε περίπτωση θανάτου του. Η Καρολίνα ανησυχεί, αλλά δεν δίνει πολύ σημασία γιατί έτσι είναι ο Άκσελ. Πέντε μήνες μετά εκείνος πεθαίνει.
Το ντεμπούτο της Σουηδής Καρολίνα Σέτερβαλ στη λογοτεχνία είναι δυνατό, σπαρακτικό, αληθινό. Ακροβατεί ανάμεσα στην αυτοβιογραφία της και στη μυθοπλασία. Δίνει το όνομά της στην ηρωίδα για να τη συνδέσει με τα δικά της βιώματα και μιλά για μια σχέση και μια απώλεια.
Ο Άκσελ και η Καρολίνα γνωρίζονται, αγαπιούνται και αποφασίζουν να ζήσουν μαζί. Αποκτούν ένα παιδί τον Ίβαν. Όταν ο Ίβαν είναι περίπου εννέα μηνών ο πατέρας του πεθαίνει και η Καρολίνα καλείται να το αντιμετωπίσει.
Η ιστορία είναι χωρισμένη σε δύο μέρη. Στο πρώτο μέρος ξεδιπλώνεται σε δύο χρόνους, το «τότε» και το «τώρα», που εναλλάσσονται δοσμένα σε μικρά κεφάλαια. Το «τώρα» αρχίζει από τον μήνα που πεθαίνει ο Άκσελ. Είναι Οκτώβρης του 2014.
«Την τελευταία νύχτα που αποκοιμιέμαι, σ΄ένα υπνοδωμάτιο δίπλα στο δικό σου, το κάνω με την πίστη ότι έχουμε χιλιάδες μέρες μπροστά μας. Δεν έχουμε. Αυτή είναι η τελευταία νύχτα μας μαζί. Και δεν την περνάμε ο ένας δίπλα στον άλλον. »
Το «τότε» ξεκινά από τη γνωριμία τους, το 2009, και αρχίζει και «τρέχει» περνώντας τους μήνες γρήγορα, με περιγραφές από τις ζωές τους, πάντα με αφηγητή την Καρολίνα που απευθυνόμενη σε δεύτερο πρόσωπο (στον σύζυγό της) και σε ενεστώτα χρόνο δίνει το στίγμα της συμβίωσής τους. Το «τότε» έρχεται σε αντίθεση με το «τώρα», που είναι κολλημένο στους τρεις μήνες μέχρι το τέλος του χρόνου, μέχρις ότου συναντηθούν και τα δύο.
Το αργό – βαρύ βάδισμα του «τώρα» εναρμονίζεται απόλυτα με το πένθος και τη διαχείρισή του.
Μια φοβερή αντίθεση, ένα λογοτεχνικό tip από τη συγγραφέα – κορυφαίο κατά την άποψή μου -, που τονίζει έτσι τη διαφορά των χαρούμενων στιγμών από εκείνων της θλίψης, που τονίζει ότι μαζί με την απώλεια χάνεται και ένα μέρος της ζωής της.
Τα ερωτηματικά πολλά και σκληρά ταλανίζουν την ηρωίδα, αναρωτιέται τι έπρεπε να είχε κάνει, που έφταιξε, ποια σημαντικά πράγματα δεν ειπώθηκαν ποτέ. Προσπαθεί να διαχειριστεί τη θλίψη, τις ενοχές, τις τύψεις, τον θυμό, την παραίτηση, την πίκρα, τη ζήλια, την οργή. Ένας ολόκληρος κύκλος ξετυλίγεται και περιγράφεται με απίστευτη ειλικρίνεια και ωμότητα. Η επανεξέταση όλης της κοινής τους ζωής περνά από το μικροσκόπιο της Καρολίνας, οι αντικρουόμενες σκέψεις γίνονται βρόγχος, προσπαθεί να βάλει μια τάξη, αναρωτιέται πως θα συνεχίσει, πως θα μεγαλώσει μόνη της το παιδί τους, τι να του πει, πως θα φερθεί, τι πρέπει να κάνει.
Το πρόβλημα είναι ότι η απώλεια δεν αφορά μόνο το τώρα, αλλά και το παρελθόν της και το μέλλον της.
Οι συγγενείς και οι φίλοι βρίσκονται συνέχεια κοντά της και της συμπαραστέκονται όσο μπορούν. Η Καρολίνα περνά από διάφορα στάδια.
«Κάποιοι λένε ότι απόψε θα πάνε και θα αγκαλιάσουν λίγο περισσότερο τον άντρα και τα παιδιά τους. Δεν καταλαβαίνω γιατί το λένε σ΄εμένα. Δεν καταλαβαίνω σε τι θα μου χρησιμεύσει αυτό, πέρα από το να μου θυμίσουν πως είναι κάτι που εγώ δεν μπορώ να κάνω.
Νομίζω πως αρχίζω να γίνομαι πικρόχολη. Δεν δίνω δεκάρα πάντως.»
Καθώς οι δύο αφηγήσεις ενώνονται, κλείνει το πρώτο μέρος του βιβλίου.
Στο δεύτερο μέρος η Καρολίνα πιο ήρεμη τώρα, επιστρέφει στη δουλειά, βάζει μια τάξη στην κοινή, με το παιδί, ζωή της και σιγά σιγά αναφέρεται όλο και πιο λίγο στον Άκσελ, χρησιμοποιώντας πάντα το δεύτερο πρόσωπο. Του μιλά, τον ρωτά, του ανοίγει την ψυχή της γιατί τώρα ένας άλλος άνθρωπος έχει μπει στη ζωή της. Μόνο που τώρα το όνομά του αντικαθίσταται από το «εσύ». Η τρυφερότητα και η αγάπη εξακολουθούν βέβαια να υπάρχουν.
Με μια αφήγηση αφοπλιστικά ειλικρινή, με μια εντιμότητα που σε αφήνει με ανοιχτό το στόμα, η Setterwall ανοίγει την ψυχή της χωρίς να σκέφτεται αν θα κριθεί και κατακριθεί, παρά μόνο με μια διάθεση εξομολογητική μας παρασύρει στο να ζήσουμε τις αγωνίες της, τη θλίψη της, να θυμώσουμε μαζί της για τα λάθη της, να μπούμε σε σκέψεις για τη σωστή ή όχι διαπαιδαγώγηση του παιδιού της, να την αντιπαθήσουμε μερικές φορές και αμέσως μετά να τη συγχωρήσουμε. Αντιφατικά και εναλλασσόμενα είναι τα συναισθήματα όσο κρατά η ανάγνωση.
Οι σκέψεις για τη ζωή, για εκείνο που μπορεί να μην έχεις στο μέλλον, για εκείνο που πρέπει να χαρείς τώρα γιατί δεν ξέρεις το μετά, είναι έντονα διατυπωμένες σε όλη τη διάρκεια της ιστορίας.
«Όλα φαίνονται λογικότερα τώρα, όταν είναι πλέον πολύ αργά για όλα. Μακάρι να μου δινόταν άλλη μια ευκαιρία να σε αγαπήσω. Στην ολότητά σου. Μακάρι να μπορούσα να αλλάξω την ιστορία μας, να ήμουν ένα άλλο άτομο στη σχέση μαζί σου. Ένα άτομο που θα ρωτούσε περισσότερα, που θα άκουγε περισσότερο, που θα καταλάβαινε περισσότερα, που θα διέθετε περισσότερη υπομονή. Αλλά δεν γίνεται. Αντιθέτως σε βλέπω στις εικόνες από τις περιγραφές των άλλων, τις οποίες εγώ έχασα. »
Είναι ένα βιβλίο που πέρα από την αξία του σαν γραφή και αφήγηση, αφήνει έντονα τα σημάδια του καθ΄όλη τη διάρκεια της ανάγνωσης.
Η μετάφραση από τον Γρηγόρη Κονδύλη το απογειώνει.
Θετικά στοιχεία :
1.Δυνατή πλοκή- σφιχτή δομή
2.Δυνατή αφήγηση και ροή του λόγου
3.Εξαίρετη σύνδεση του τότε και του τώρα
3.Προβληματισμοί και ένταση συναισθημάτων
4.Εξαιρετική μετάφραση
July 1, 2019
Niekedy v strede som mala trochu krízu, minimalistický štýl s krátkymi vetami mi prišiel miestami ako čítanie správy. Z textu však cítiť neuveriteľnú autentickosť, lásku, bolesť, ale najmä nádej.
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July 6, 2023Mane pakerėjo viršelis. Kažkaip, šitie išskydę pasteliniai reikalai mane visad labao žavi. O perskaičius knygą supratau, kad geresnio rūbo, nei ši meniška migla, leidėjai istorijai nė nėgalėjo parinkti. Dar mane sugundė ir paminėtas Karl Ove Knausgardo vardas. Bus jau treti metai kai vasario mėnesio laukiu ne vien dėl knygų mugės: jau du metus renginys sutapo su Knausgardo naujos knygos pasirodymu „Baltų lankų“ stende. Jo kūryba ir Carolinos knyga man buvo panašios tik tuo, jog aprašo visiškai paprastą nūdienos realybę. Tačiau kūrinių emocijos (na, kalbu tik apie dvi pirmas Knausgardo skaitytas) – visiškai skirtingos.
Karolina Akselį sutiko 2009 metais, vieno vakarėlio metu. Sutiko, pamilo ir niekada nebesiskyrė. Netrukus kartu apsigyveno, įsigijo bendrą katę, bendrų draugų, o galiausiai jiems gimė sūnelis Ivanas. 2014 metais, Karolinai miegant Ivano kambarėlyje, Akselis tyliai numirė jų bendrame miegamajame. Iš niekur nieko. Ir Karolinos gyvenimas skilo į prieš ir po. Taip ir knyga padalinta: vienas skyrelis apie gyvenimą su Akseliu, kitas apie gedėjimą.
Tai labai labai emociškai sunki knyga. Joje nėra nieko teigiamo. Daug skausmo, daug nevilties, pasimetimo ir nežinios. Ši istorija yra paremta tikrais autorės išgyvenimais ir man net sunku pagalvoti, kaip moteriai sunku turėjų būti rašant šią knygą. O gal kaip tik lengva? Nes manęs neapleido mintys, jog ši knyga buvo išsiliejimas. Visų susikaupusių emocijų, kraujuojančio skausmo ir neužgijusių randų. Ir tai nėra jokia gražios meilės istorija. Sąžiningai – aš nežinau kurią dalį man buvo sunkiau skaityti: tą apie gedėjimą ar tą, apie buvimą kartu. Nes Carolina jų santykių rožine spalva nenuspalvino. Jie pykosi daug, ji norėjo artumo ir šilumos, jis atstumo ir vienatvės. Ji svajojo apie vaikelį, o jis sužinojęs, jog ji laukiasi, net neatsisveikinęs išėjo į darbą. Skaitydama, mintyse kokius penkis kartus jį prakeikiau tai tikrai. Tačiau tai buvo jos vyras, jos meilė, jos partneris. Jos pasaulis. O jam išėjus, jis pametė save ir vius kelius, kuriais ėjo. Knygoje kiti veikėjai net vardų neturi: Akselis ir Ivanas buvo Karolinos viskas. Viskas, kuris buvo padalintas perpus. Ir tą skausmą ji aprašė tobulai, jei galima taip sakyti. Skaitydamas jauti ne liūdesį, o pilką tuštumą, kuri yra dar baisesnis jausmas. Knygą skaityti nebuvo lengva. Ji provokavo tokius keistus jausmus: nemalonu, bet nori dar. Kaip kokį skaudulį kasyti. Ir palieka ji kartoką skonį. Nerekomenduoju žmonės, išgyvenantiems sunkius etapus, nenorintiems išgyventi tyro svetimo skausmo ar per daug empatiškiems ir nesugebantiems atsiriboti. Rekomenduoju geros literatūros mėgėjams, kitokių tekstų ieškotojams, nebijantiems skausmo provokacijos ir žaizdų pradraskymų. Tamsi, bet labai gera.
Karolina Akselį sutiko 2009 metais, vieno vakarėlio metu. Sutiko, pamilo ir niekada nebesiskyrė. Netrukus kartu apsigyveno, įsigijo bendrą katę, bendrų draugų, o galiausiai jiems gimė sūnelis Ivanas. 2014 metais, Karolinai miegant Ivano kambarėlyje, Akselis tyliai numirė jų bendrame miegamajame. Iš niekur nieko. Ir Karolinos gyvenimas skilo į prieš ir po. Taip ir knyga padalinta: vienas skyrelis apie gyvenimą su Akseliu, kitas apie gedėjimą.
Tai labai labai emociškai sunki knyga. Joje nėra nieko teigiamo. Daug skausmo, daug nevilties, pasimetimo ir nežinios. Ši istorija yra paremta tikrais autorės išgyvenimais ir man net sunku pagalvoti, kaip moteriai sunku turėjų būti rašant šią knygą. O gal kaip tik lengva? Nes manęs neapleido mintys, jog ši knyga buvo išsiliejimas. Visų susikaupusių emocijų, kraujuojančio skausmo ir neužgijusių randų. Ir tai nėra jokia gražios meilės istorija. Sąžiningai – aš nežinau kurią dalį man buvo sunkiau skaityti: tą apie gedėjimą ar tą, apie buvimą kartu. Nes Carolina jų santykių rožine spalva nenuspalvino. Jie pykosi daug, ji norėjo artumo ir šilumos, jis atstumo ir vienatvės. Ji svajojo apie vaikelį, o jis sužinojęs, jog ji laukiasi, net neatsisveikinęs išėjo į darbą. Skaitydama, mintyse kokius penkis kartus jį prakeikiau tai tikrai. Tačiau tai buvo jos vyras, jos meilė, jos partneris. Jos pasaulis. O jam išėjus, jis pametė save ir vius kelius, kuriais ėjo. Knygoje kiti veikėjai net vardų neturi: Akselis ir Ivanas buvo Karolinos viskas. Viskas, kuris buvo padalintas perpus. Ir tą skausmą ji aprašė tobulai, jei galima taip sakyti. Skaitydamas jauti ne liūdesį, o pilką tuštumą, kuri yra dar baisesnis jausmas. Knygą skaityti nebuvo lengva. Ji provokavo tokius keistus jausmus: nemalonu, bet nori dar. Kaip kokį skaudulį kasyti. Ir palieka ji kartoką skonį. Nerekomenduoju žmonės, išgyvenantiems sunkius etapus, nenorintiems išgyventi tyro svetimo skausmo ar per daug empatiškiems ir nesugebantiems atsiriboti. Rekomenduoju geros literatūros mėgėjams, kitokių tekstų ieškotojams, nebijantiems skausmo provokacijos ir žaizdų pradraskymų. Tamsi, bet labai gera.
February 12, 2022
Un recuento autobiográfico escrito con la crudeza y la minucia que acompañan el dolor y el golpe de reflexión que viene después.
Un diario intimo y personal que devela los defectos y la fragilidad de la autora.
Muchas veces denso pero siempre natural con una capacidad extraordinaria para profundizar en los sentimientos que llevamos más adentro.
3.5 ⭐️
Un diario intimo y personal que devela los defectos y la fragilidad de la autora.
Muchas veces denso pero siempre natural con una capacidad extraordinaria para profundizar en los sentimientos que llevamos más adentro.
3.5 ⭐️
December 4, 2019
(3.5) In May 2014 Aksel sent Carolina an odd premonitory e-mail telling her where to find his important documents on his computer if he died. One morning the following October, after she’d stayed up with their eight-month-old son, Ivan, she went into the bedroom and found Aksel dead of cardiac arrest. Although this is fiction, it very closely resembles the author’s own story. She wrote this debut novel to reflect on the sudden loss of her partner, their life together, and how she started to rebuild her life in the years that followed.
It quickly splits into two parallel story lines: one begins in April 2009, when she first met Aksel at a friend’s big summer bash; the other picks up in October 2014, after Aksel’s death. The latter proceeds slowly, painstakingly, to portray the aftermath of his death. In the raw early days of grief, she spends a lot of time with her in-laws as messages and flowers pour in. There are loads of decisions to be made, such as what clothes Aksel will be cremated in. But all Carolina wants is to hurry grief along so she can become an expert and move along to the next of the fabled ‘stages’.
In the alternating timeline, we see Carolina and Aksel making a life together, with her always being the one to push the relationship forward by buying an apartment and getting pregnant – even when Aksel protested at not being ready. Setterwall addresses the whole book in the second person to Aksel, as Carolina revisits the whole of their life together and then, when the two story lines meet at about the two-thirds point, carries on with into 2016 as she moves house, returns to work, resumes a tentative social life and falls precipitously in love.
This is a wrenching story reminiscent of In Every Moment We Are Still Alive by Tom Malmquist, and much of it resonated with my sister’s experience of widowhood. There are many painful little moments that stick in the memory. Overall, though, I think this was too long; in aiming for comprehensiveness, it lost some of its power. Page 273, for instance (the first anniversary of Aksel’s death, rather than the second, where the book actually ends), would have made a fine ending. Although I would have cut 100 pages or more, I still found this very moving and will pass it on to my sister for some cathartic reading.
Favorite passages:
“Everything seems more logical now – now, when it’s too late. I wish I had another chance to love you. All of you. I wish I could redo our story, be another person with you. Somebody who asked more, listened more, understood more, had more patience.”
“I’ve become the kind of person other people pity. The type who walks around a cemetery on Christmas with a sleeping baby in a pram, sobbing. It’s almost too much of a cliché to be true.”
“where are you in all of this? You’re in pictures on the refrigerator. In Ivan’s vocabulary you’re Papa, who is dead.”
It quickly splits into two parallel story lines: one begins in April 2009, when she first met Aksel at a friend’s big summer bash; the other picks up in October 2014, after Aksel’s death. The latter proceeds slowly, painstakingly, to portray the aftermath of his death. In the raw early days of grief, she spends a lot of time with her in-laws as messages and flowers pour in. There are loads of decisions to be made, such as what clothes Aksel will be cremated in. But all Carolina wants is to hurry grief along so she can become an expert and move along to the next of the fabled ‘stages’.
In the alternating timeline, we see Carolina and Aksel making a life together, with her always being the one to push the relationship forward by buying an apartment and getting pregnant – even when Aksel protested at not being ready. Setterwall addresses the whole book in the second person to Aksel, as Carolina revisits the whole of their life together and then, when the two story lines meet at about the two-thirds point, carries on with into 2016 as she moves house, returns to work, resumes a tentative social life and falls precipitously in love.
This is a wrenching story reminiscent of In Every Moment We Are Still Alive by Tom Malmquist, and much of it resonated with my sister’s experience of widowhood. There are many painful little moments that stick in the memory. Overall, though, I think this was too long; in aiming for comprehensiveness, it lost some of its power. Page 273, for instance (the first anniversary of Aksel’s death, rather than the second, where the book actually ends), would have made a fine ending. Although I would have cut 100 pages or more, I still found this very moving and will pass it on to my sister for some cathartic reading.
Favorite passages:
“Everything seems more logical now – now, when it’s too late. I wish I had another chance to love you. All of you. I wish I could redo our story, be another person with you. Somebody who asked more, listened more, understood more, had more patience.”
“I’ve become the kind of person other people pity. The type who walks around a cemetery on Christmas with a sleeping baby in a pram, sobbing. It’s almost too much of a cliché to be true.”
“where are you in all of this? You’re in pictures on the refrigerator. In Ivan’s vocabulary you’re Papa, who is dead.”
August 19, 2021
Ar galima nustatyti, kiek iš tiesų žmogus turi, gali ar privalo gedėti? Gana to, kad jau ponia Ross yra gedulą suskirsčiusi į penkias stadijas, tarsi nebyliai įpareigoja visas jas ir išjausti. O jei nesigauna? O kas, jei neigimo fazė, rodos, niekad nesibaigs???
Jauna moteris kuria ateitį, planus, myli. Karolina gyvena su Akseliu, jie abu augina vos kelių mėnesių sūnelį, tačiau vieną dieną Karolinos gyvenimas išslysta iš po kojų - rytą ji randa savo jauną vyrą lovoje nebegyvą.
Aš ieškojau nors krislo optimizmo šioje knygoje. Vis tikėjausi, kad pasibaigs tie juodi zebro dryžiai ir spalva pasikeis bent į pilką. Aš labai jaudinausi dėl Karolinos. Kartu su ja, rodos, vėl pergyvenau jos netektį. Skaitai, tarsi kas į kumštį širdį ima ir spaudžia, kol skausmas tampa nebepakeliamu, ir vėl atleidžia... Ir taip visą knygą, spaudinėjo kažkas mano emocijas lyg streso kamuoliuką...
Bet aš vis tiek ieškojau čia optimizmo. Kai supratau, jog Karolina atsidūrė tokioje pat situacijoje, į kokią buvo įstačiusi Akselį, man jos nė nebuvo gaila. Sutikau su jos skaudžiais žodžiais, kad ji kalta, tik ji kalta, kalta...
Mažai šviesos. Daug savigraužos. Labai lėtas kopimas per visas gedulo stadijas. Perskaičius šią knygą gal kiek geriau supratau, kam reikalingos laidotuvės ir ilgas atsisveikinimas su mirusiais, ypač tais, kurie miršta netikėtai.
Tamsu. Liūdna. Nežinau, ar esu skaičiusi kažką tokio liūdno. Varančio neviltin. Karolina itin jautriai ir gražiai išrašė savo skausmą. Tik tiek. Kiek iš to naudos bus skaitytojui? Čia jau kitas klausimas. Ir istorijos, bent jau tos istorijos, kuri yra užrašyta, pabaiga man sudaužė širdį. Supratau Karolinos pasirinkimus, tačiau likau truputėlį liūdnesnė ir nelaimingesnė dėl to, kokia buvo atomazga.
Jei patys neseniai išgyvenote netektį ar esate itin empatiški, jautriai į viską reaguojate, neimkite šios knygos į rankas. Palaukite kol para apsivers ir dienos ims ilgėti. Tai itin kokybiškos literatūros dozė, tačiau tokia, nuo kurios gali pats įkristi į depresiją.
Susitikime instagrame:
www.instagram.com/gretabrigita.lt
Visas apžvalgas rasite čia:
www.gretabrigita.lt
Leidyklos dovana.
Jauna moteris kuria ateitį, planus, myli. Karolina gyvena su Akseliu, jie abu augina vos kelių mėnesių sūnelį, tačiau vieną dieną Karolinos gyvenimas išslysta iš po kojų - rytą ji randa savo jauną vyrą lovoje nebegyvą.
Aš ieškojau nors krislo optimizmo šioje knygoje. Vis tikėjausi, kad pasibaigs tie juodi zebro dryžiai ir spalva pasikeis bent į pilką. Aš labai jaudinausi dėl Karolinos. Kartu su ja, rodos, vėl pergyvenau jos netektį. Skaitai, tarsi kas į kumštį širdį ima ir spaudžia, kol skausmas tampa nebepakeliamu, ir vėl atleidžia... Ir taip visą knygą, spaudinėjo kažkas mano emocijas lyg streso kamuoliuką...
Bet aš vis tiek ieškojau čia optimizmo. Kai supratau, jog Karolina atsidūrė tokioje pat situacijoje, į kokią buvo įstačiusi Akselį, man jos nė nebuvo gaila. Sutikau su jos skaudžiais žodžiais, kad ji kalta, tik ji kalta, kalta...
Mažai šviesos. Daug savigraužos. Labai lėtas kopimas per visas gedulo stadijas. Perskaičius šią knygą gal kiek geriau supratau, kam reikalingos laidotuvės ir ilgas atsisveikinimas su mirusiais, ypač tais, kurie miršta netikėtai.
Tamsu. Liūdna. Nežinau, ar esu skaičiusi kažką tokio liūdno. Varančio neviltin. Karolina itin jautriai ir gražiai išrašė savo skausmą. Tik tiek. Kiek iš to naudos bus skaitytojui? Čia jau kitas klausimas. Ir istorijos, bent jau tos istorijos, kuri yra užrašyta, pabaiga man sudaužė širdį. Supratau Karolinos pasirinkimus, tačiau likau truputėlį liūdnesnė ir nelaimingesnė dėl to, kokia buvo atomazga.
Jei patys neseniai išgyvenote netektį ar esate itin empatiški, jautriai į viską reaguojate, neimkite šios knygos į rankas. Palaukite kol para apsivers ir dienos ims ilgėti. Tai itin kokybiškos literatūros dozė, tačiau tokia, nuo kurios gali pats įkristi į depresiją.
Susitikime instagrame:
www.instagram.com/gretabrigita.lt
Visas apžvalgas rasite čia:
www.gretabrigita.lt
Leidyklos dovana.
May 29, 2020
DNF at 46%
I rarely don't finish a book but, after seeing other reviews, it seemed sensible. I could not get into this book at all and it wasn't because it's a really tragic story but because of the way it is written: perhaps the translation has something to do with it (though generally scandinavian books seem to translate smoothly into english) but the super short sentences and the complete lack of dialogue made it very difficult for me to read. It simply did not flow to my (brain) "ears" because of all the full stops. And the narration directed at the second person is always a little confusing to me.
I rarely don't finish a book but, after seeing other reviews, it seemed sensible. I could not get into this book at all and it wasn't because it's a really tragic story but because of the way it is written: perhaps the translation has something to do with it (though generally scandinavian books seem to translate smoothly into english) but the super short sentences and the complete lack of dialogue made it very difficult for me to read. It simply did not flow to my (brain) "ears" because of all the full stops. And the narration directed at the second person is always a little confusing to me.
The first chapter of this book promises to be some kind of mystery with an email received that sounds like an omen. Then you read along and you realise it's actually autobiographical because the main character and the author share names and traits and have a son called Ivan. For some reason, it is categorized as a novel, but as far as I'm aware not a mystery. I tried to keep reading to see if there was an objective reason for that strange email received on the first chapter but eventually I just gave up, it was too much of a chore. I have utmost sympathy for the author's plight (though she definitely doesn't need my sympathy, I'm just a stranger) as she lost her partner very soon and under very difficult circumstances. Throughout the book she describes the death and the days/weeks/months that followed it, alternating it with the story of how she met her partner. The death chapters are extremely detailed and sad, of course - quite grim, as you would expect. But the other chapters were also lackluster: she describes the relationship - the good things and the difficulties but the partner always feels very far away - even when he was alive, he didn't come alive in this book, I'm sorry to say. I am however glad that the author was able to write about this event and hopefully find some catharsis in the process.
May 27, 2019
LET’S HOPE FOR THE BEST
BY
Carolina Setterwall
This is an incredibly sad story written from the author’s own experience. But unless you enjoy reading other people’s diaries telling of loss and grief it is not for you.
There is nothing new in this book and I expect the writer used the writing of it as a catharsis. Anyone who has lost someone close to them, particularly if the death is very sudden and unexpected will relate to the writer’s mood and feelings. Yes friends and family rally round and it is easy to lean on them as Caro does, and a familiar scenario, but that does not create a plot and in this case there is almost no plot at all. The book details her collapse at the sudden unexplained death of her partner and her struggle coping with a young baby and as he grows into a toddler. Lonely weekends wishing she could meet up with friends rather than entertain her baby are well documented.
There is a certain mysterious quality to her relationship with her partner as they never appeared to be a couple or to make any close connection. However there is no doubt she was devastated when he died.
Readers will feel lithe author’s pain and sympathise with her but basically I found the book totally boring with a thin structure. Private musings that should have remained so.
BY
Carolina Setterwall
This is an incredibly sad story written from the author’s own experience. But unless you enjoy reading other people’s diaries telling of loss and grief it is not for you.
There is nothing new in this book and I expect the writer used the writing of it as a catharsis. Anyone who has lost someone close to them, particularly if the death is very sudden and unexpected will relate to the writer’s mood and feelings. Yes friends and family rally round and it is easy to lean on them as Caro does, and a familiar scenario, but that does not create a plot and in this case there is almost no plot at all. The book details her collapse at the sudden unexplained death of her partner and her struggle coping with a young baby and as he grows into a toddler. Lonely weekends wishing she could meet up with friends rather than entertain her baby are well documented.
There is a certain mysterious quality to her relationship with her partner as they never appeared to be a couple or to make any close connection. However there is no doubt she was devastated when he died.
Readers will feel lithe author’s pain and sympathise with her but basically I found the book totally boring with a thin structure. Private musings that should have remained so.
May 10, 2019
Carolina’s partner Aksel dies suddenly, leaving her the single parent of a baby. She now has to re-invent herself and learn to keep on living without him.
I didn’t realise that this is based on the author’s own experience, but it doesn’t surprise me as the writing is so raw and true.
The novel takes us through the trajectory of Carolina’s loss, and her life after it. She is very self-analytical and brutally honest about her own shortcomings.
I found this account beautifully translated and beautiful in its honesty.
I absolutely feel it deserves five stars and would recommend it to anyone who is interested in the minutiae of relationships and how we cope with the change that is always a part of life.
I didn’t realise that this is based on the author’s own experience, but it doesn’t surprise me as the writing is so raw and true.
The novel takes us through the trajectory of Carolina’s loss, and her life after it. She is very self-analytical and brutally honest about her own shortcomings.
I found this account beautifully translated and beautiful in its honesty.
I absolutely feel it deserves five stars and would recommend it to anyone who is interested in the minutiae of relationships and how we cope with the change that is always a part of life.
September 20, 2018
Helt okej, men den fångade mig verkligen inte. Känslorna är trovärdigt skildrade men annars är den tyvärr rätt tråkig och långsam.
March 22, 2022
Apesar de ser uma leitura densa gostei muito de conhecer a história da Carolina.
Este livro é um testemunho da autora sobre a pior altura da sua vida, a perda do marido.
É uma narrativa crua, na qual a autora nos expõe a sua alma de forma muito sincera e honesta.
Num carrossel de emoções, vamos acompanhando a história desta mulher, que é a de tantas outras por este mundo fora.
Um livro cheio de verdade e que merece ser lido.
Este livro é um testemunho da autora sobre a pior altura da sua vida, a perda do marido.
É uma narrativa crua, na qual a autora nos expõe a sua alma de forma muito sincera e honesta.
Num carrossel de emoções, vamos acompanhando a história desta mulher, que é a de tantas outras por este mundo fora.
Um livro cheio de verdade e que merece ser lido.
October 24, 2019
Where does one start when trying to review the story of someone else's life experiences? Do you look at the talent of the writing? The writing was really quite good. Do you look at the way it made you feel? I've never felt so uncomfortable reading a story - but not in way you might think. It was uncomfortable because I was bathed in this woman's pain and sat with her in it. Do you look at the characters and judge them or their actions? Well that's a hard no. I mean, how do you tell someone you're not reacting right, you're not grieving right, you're not doing the right thing. You simply can't tell a real human being that. I can curse at and judge book characters. I can judge someone's writing skills. But this woman has bared her soul and poured out her truth - the good, the bad and the ugly. Her emotions are raw and real and ugly. She confesses to things that we have all thought, but so seldom express for fear of being judge or because we can't sit quietly with ourselves and learn our truth or look for insights into our thoughts and motivations and actions. So 9 bazillion stars should be awarded to the bravery for telling her story, no matter how uncomfortable it was to read.
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