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Coach the Person, Not the Problem: A Guide to Using Reflective Inquiry
From a founding member of the coaching movement comes a detailed guide to mastering one of a coach's toughest thoughtfully reflecting clients' words and expressions back to them so they see themselves and their world through new eyes.
"Coaches rely far too much on asking open-ended questions," says Marcia Reynolds. But questions only seek answers--inquiry provides insight. When, instead of just questions, clients hear their thoughts, opinions, and beliefs spoken by someone else, it prompts them to critically consider how their thinking affects their goals. Reynolds cites the latest brain science to show why reflective inquiry works and provides techniques, tips, and structures for creating breakthrough conversations.
This book will free coaches from the cult of asking the magical question by offering five essential practices of reflective focus on the person, not the problem; summarize what is heard and expressed; identify underlying beliefs and assumptions; unwrap the desired outcome; and articulate insights and commitments. Using these practices, combined with a respectful and caring presence, helps create a space where clients feel safe, seen, and valued for who they are. Coaches become change agents who actively recharge the human spirit. And clients naturally dive deeper and develop personalized solutions that may surprise even the coach.
"Coaches rely far too much on asking open-ended questions," says Marcia Reynolds. But questions only seek answers--inquiry provides insight. When, instead of just questions, clients hear their thoughts, opinions, and beliefs spoken by someone else, it prompts them to critically consider how their thinking affects their goals. Reynolds cites the latest brain science to show why reflective inquiry works and provides techniques, tips, and structures for creating breakthrough conversations.
This book will free coaches from the cult of asking the magical question by offering five essential practices of reflective focus on the person, not the problem; summarize what is heard and expressed; identify underlying beliefs and assumptions; unwrap the desired outcome; and articulate insights and commitments. Using these practices, combined with a respectful and caring presence, helps create a space where clients feel safe, seen, and valued for who they are. Coaches become change agents who actively recharge the human spirit. And clients naturally dive deeper and develop personalized solutions that may surprise even the coach.
224 pages, Paperback
Published June 2, 2020
454 people are currently reading
1148 people want to read
About the author
Marcia Reynolds
30 books45 followersMarcia Reynolds, PsyD has a passion for discovering and sharing how the brain works, especially the brains of high-achieving women. She speaks globally on the needs and challenges of today's smart, strong women and provides customized programs on creating workplaces that inspire high-performers. Her books been quoted in many publications including Harvard Communications Newsletter, U.S. Business Review, and The New York Times and has appeared on ABC World News and National Public Radio."
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 54 reviews
June 18, 2024
This is one of the best books I’ve ever read on coaching. Coaching someone is an incredibly personal endeavor; one that often falls short of transformational growth due to focus on problems or situations. The book highlights how to shift the coaching paradigm to the person rather than the circumstances. My coaching practice has grown significantly since implementing the principles the Marcia lays out.
October 29, 2021
I love the approach described in this book. The author is truly a master coach.
The book is engaging with lots of real cases, examples and tips. Would highly recommend.
(Read for work)
The book is engaging with lots of real cases, examples and tips. Would highly recommend.
(Read for work)
November 4, 2024
Interesting and thought provoking. Some very good suggestions to put into practice and enrich the way you approach coaching.
June 7, 2020
This book truly was written as a coach’s guide to reflective inquiry. As a person who coached, mentored, and worked alongside a new school principal this year, I found myself wanting to tell stories and use reflective inquiry as I read, highlighted, and dog-eared the pages of this great book. Of course, I love the fact that Dr. Reynolds used case studies instead of acronyms for bringing clarity to her teaching. This book provides information that is immediately actionable.
Dr. Reynolds put five tools in our reflective inquiry toolbox in this book:
1. Focus: coaching the person, not the problem
2. Active replay: playing back the pivotal pieces for review.
3. Brain hacking: finding the treasures in the box
4. Goaltending: staying the course
5. New and next: coaxing insights and commitments
She also gave us three mental tips to provide psychological safety. I am so appreciative that Dr. Reynolds spent time in the book discussing how our brains work and why psychological safety is so important. I believe this might be one of the biggest issues in organizational culture today. I even tweeted the following while reading the book: “I’m always appalled when someone tells me they are nervous & fearful of talking to their leaders. This is aweful! ❤️ Love that @MarciaReynolds addresses the brain science of this in her new book #CoachThePerson. 🧠” I also tweeted: “...Additionally, @MarciaReynolds drove home the point in her great new book, #CoachThePerson, that we must create cultures that foster the psychological safety to fully express ourselves in conversations.” Here are her three mental habits:
1. Align your brain
2. Receive (don’t just listen)
3. Catch and release judgement
Toward the end of the book, Dr. Reynolds reminded us that we need to say it out loud to make it real and that our brains are meaning-making machines. In every scene of our personal and professional lives we pull from our past experiences, beliefs, values, fears, and present assumptions to make sense of the situation we are living at the moment. In this book, Dr. Reynolds taught us that, “Coaching is intended to examine the meaning people give to situations to determine what else could be going on that would change their approach going forward.” Everyone who works with people should read this great ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ book!
Dr. Reynolds put five tools in our reflective inquiry toolbox in this book:
1. Focus: coaching the person, not the problem
2. Active replay: playing back the pivotal pieces for review.
3. Brain hacking: finding the treasures in the box
4. Goaltending: staying the course
5. New and next: coaxing insights and commitments
She also gave us three mental tips to provide psychological safety. I am so appreciative that Dr. Reynolds spent time in the book discussing how our brains work and why psychological safety is so important. I believe this might be one of the biggest issues in organizational culture today. I even tweeted the following while reading the book: “I’m always appalled when someone tells me they are nervous & fearful of talking to their leaders. This is aweful! ❤️ Love that @MarciaReynolds addresses the brain science of this in her new book #CoachThePerson. 🧠” I also tweeted: “...Additionally, @MarciaReynolds drove home the point in her great new book, #CoachThePerson, that we must create cultures that foster the psychological safety to fully express ourselves in conversations.” Here are her three mental habits:
1. Align your brain
2. Receive (don’t just listen)
3. Catch and release judgement
Toward the end of the book, Dr. Reynolds reminded us that we need to say it out loud to make it real and that our brains are meaning-making machines. In every scene of our personal and professional lives we pull from our past experiences, beliefs, values, fears, and present assumptions to make sense of the situation we are living at the moment. In this book, Dr. Reynolds taught us that, “Coaching is intended to examine the meaning people give to situations to determine what else could be going on that would change their approach going forward.” Everyone who works with people should read this great ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ book!
March 17, 2022
´You are a warrior of the human spirit.´ Margaret Weatley
´In our divided, disconnected world, coaching brings people together. When people are overwhelmed, stressed, and angry, coaching reminds them of their purpose, visions, and power to move forward. Coaching gives hope to their desires. With just one reflection and one question, coaching can expand who they think they are and what they can do with their one, valuable life´.
This paragraph on the last page pretty much says it all about the writer´s approach towards coaching. Unlike most of other coaching books, which are focused on questions and rigid frames that can hardly be applied (applying a full GROW model in a real session is unlikely to lead to the most effective and successful conversation), this one focuses on what really matters: presence, empathy and how to naturally master the art of coaching by being a judgment free thinking partner to your client. The book is not rocket science, especially if you are familiar with compassion, non-violent communication, mindfulness... and the beauty of it lies in exactly that: embodying all of what it´s required for coaching mastery, in an easy, natural flow of ideas. If you´re looking for a set of rigid ´magical´ questions, this is not your book. I also enjoyed very much the real study cases she presents in the book, a mirror of her experience as a coach in real life.
´In our divided, disconnected world, coaching brings people together. When people are overwhelmed, stressed, and angry, coaching reminds them of their purpose, visions, and power to move forward. Coaching gives hope to their desires. With just one reflection and one question, coaching can expand who they think they are and what they can do with their one, valuable life´.
This paragraph on the last page pretty much says it all about the writer´s approach towards coaching. Unlike most of other coaching books, which are focused on questions and rigid frames that can hardly be applied (applying a full GROW model in a real session is unlikely to lead to the most effective and successful conversation), this one focuses on what really matters: presence, empathy and how to naturally master the art of coaching by being a judgment free thinking partner to your client. The book is not rocket science, especially if you are familiar with compassion, non-violent communication, mindfulness... and the beauty of it lies in exactly that: embodying all of what it´s required for coaching mastery, in an easy, natural flow of ideas. If you´re looking for a set of rigid ´magical´ questions, this is not your book. I also enjoyed very much the real study cases she presents in the book, a mirror of her experience as a coach in real life.
March 2, 2023
Overall, I found this book extremely valuable! As I'm training to be a coach, I appreciated the combination of tactical suggestions (ex. how to get clarity on the outcome the person truly wants) while still allowing for flexibility and trusting your own intuition. It provides a solid foundation to have and pull from as you are present when coaching someone. This will definitely serve as a key reference for me.
"Mastery is the deepening of presence, not the perfection of skills."
The case studies/real life examples were helpful when it came to internalizing ideas and concepts. Generally, it was encouraging how much she talked about just getting out and practicing instead of limiting yourself to getting some special amount of knowledge or experience before trying.
I did not resonate as much with the mindfulness practices she shared for helping with coaching presence, but that may be because these are things I should actually work on. Even with that, it was a great read!
"Mastery is the deepening of presence, not the perfection of skills."
The case studies/real life examples were helpful when it came to internalizing ideas and concepts. Generally, it was encouraging how much she talked about just getting out and practicing instead of limiting yourself to getting some special amount of knowledge or experience before trying.
I did not resonate as much with the mindfulness practices she shared for helping with coaching presence, but that may be because these are things I should actually work on. Even with that, it was a great read!
June 3, 2020
I found this book to be quite interesting. I can see where some people might think it was a little too touchy-feely for the workplace, but showing through our interactions that people are important may be one of the things about the modern work environment we could actually use a little more of. The gist of the book is that a coach can ask a lot of questions and offer advice, but in the end getting people you’re coaching to reflect on the situations themselves and asking thought-provoking questions creates this thing called reflective inquiry. Reynolds makes it clear when a coach takes on the role of advice giver, then it really dilutes what coaching is intended to do. People are capable of finding the answers they need to change their behaviors and broaden their perspectives, if given the opportunity to think about their situations. Reflective inquiry creates a safe environment for people to explore how they think. The thing I liked most about the book; however, is that the reflective inquiry approach can be used in all of your interactions with other people. It’s not just something to use at work. And ultimately, that’s what caused me to give the book a five star rating. It can be used in both your professional and personal lives. I received an ARC for review.
June 14, 2020
An excellent primer for those who would like to get into coaching. Additionally, it has many pointers for all of us to improve our listening skills through reflective inquiry. This book is for anyone who works in teams, has subordinates, or is just looking to grow—easy read, worth your time.
March 27, 2023
Coach'imise vaatenurgast ei oska kommenteerida, ma ei lugenud seda selle jaoks. Niisama kuulamise ja vestlemise jaoks oli palju häid soovitusi, mida üritan meeles hoida ja aktiivselt kasutada.
Selle külje pealt tasub kõigil lugeda, et kohaloleku olulisust üle korrata,
Selle külje pealt tasub kõigil lugeda, et kohaloleku olulisust üle korrata,
April 15, 2024
Informative | Helpful | Easy Listen
If you are new to coaching or have been a coach for years this is a great book to have in your collection. I am new to coaching and there were som great nuggets. Excited to apply in my future coaching sessions.
If you are new to coaching or have been a coach for years this is a great book to have in your collection. I am new to coaching and there were som great nuggets. Excited to apply in my future coaching sessions.
October 29, 2020
A fantastic reminder/encouragement/insight into the power of coaching when coaching on the vertical plane (going deep) vs the horizontal (linear, task oriented).
June 28, 2023
Fundamentally, this was enlightening to read. There is a lot of great content here, condensed in a clear and concise fashion for immediate implication. I am eager to read the other content of this author.
This book is about a change in perspective, and makes sense.
I use this book for self-coaching, and I find it to be as effective an antidote as any other work of psychology, philosophy and self help I have read previously. In fact I hesitated to write self help, because I don't believe it is a verifiable field of study. I feel like I have seen over and over again written reviews of books that outwardly attack authors for promoting and reguritating the same content of changing your situation. Then I think about this book and I recognise that it is not the situation that requires change but fundamentally our experience of that situation.
Do I think that it is more important to shift our perspective than our environment in general?
Yes, 100 percent. This book provided me with the tools I needed to make those shifts.
What were the most important tools that I discovered from reading this book?
That fundamentally, we must care for our relationships, that we cannot expect any particular outcome until everyone is on the same page on a level deeper than what would appear at first and that ultimately we are the agents of our own happiness.
Astute, clear, concise. I'm tentatively stating this is my favourite book.
What would it take for me to change this idea or to fully commit to living the way the author suggests? Sorry, let me clarify, what would it take for me to embody the values of this book?
Well it would take serious commitment and a willingness to re-examine everything I thought I knew. But that is an adventure.
An adventure I say!
This book is about a change in perspective, and makes sense.
I use this book for self-coaching, and I find it to be as effective an antidote as any other work of psychology, philosophy and self help I have read previously. In fact I hesitated to write self help, because I don't believe it is a verifiable field of study. I feel like I have seen over and over again written reviews of books that outwardly attack authors for promoting and reguritating the same content of changing your situation. Then I think about this book and I recognise that it is not the situation that requires change but fundamentally our experience of that situation.
Do I think that it is more important to shift our perspective than our environment in general?
Yes, 100 percent. This book provided me with the tools I needed to make those shifts.
What were the most important tools that I discovered from reading this book?
That fundamentally, we must care for our relationships, that we cannot expect any particular outcome until everyone is on the same page on a level deeper than what would appear at first and that ultimately we are the agents of our own happiness.
Astute, clear, concise. I'm tentatively stating this is my favourite book.
What would it take for me to change this idea or to fully commit to living the way the author suggests? Sorry, let me clarify, what would it take for me to embody the values of this book?
Well it would take serious commitment and a willingness to re-examine everything I thought I knew. But that is an adventure.
An adventure I say!
April 9, 2021
I have almost finished the book "Coach the Person, Not the Problem" and I wanted to send my best compliments to the writing and the content of the book. I have been coaching for 11 years now and always felt a string of bad conscience for reflecting loudly and giving back a reframing of the story my clients tell me. I am not asking that much questions in a row - instead I work with deep listening and trying to find out the motivation, attitudes and beliefs that hinder my clients to get on with their lives in a helpful way.
Your book sort of - give me "the permission" to keep doing it the way I am doing it. I know my clients do find the way I work really helpful and many times we find transformational insights together. Inspiring!
So I do appreciate that Marcia found the word for my experience in coaching. Thanks!
Kristina, PCC in Sweden
Your book sort of - give me "the permission" to keep doing it the way I am doing it. I know my clients do find the way I work really helpful and many times we find transformational insights together. Inspiring!
So I do appreciate that Marcia found the word for my experience in coaching. Thanks!
Kristina, PCC in Sweden
July 1, 2022
This book was a mix of interesting insights and irrelevant arguments. This person is a coach certified by an international organization and remind me of the points of the book were arguments for or against the various training positions of that international organization. So, if you were an instructor or staff member for a coach training organization and wanted to debate the methods and principles, then you may like those sections. But if you’re actually trying to coach it doesn’t matter which training program posture is more precise.
Also, I think she takes some principles too far. For example, she says that simple questions are often more powerful than the complex questions and we or think what we should ask our clients. I would agree with that. But then she goes on to criticize complex questions as always a worse option.
So this book was a mixed bag for me.
Also, I think she takes some principles too far. For example, she says that simple questions are often more powerful than the complex questions and we or think what we should ask our clients. I would agree with that. But then she goes on to criticize complex questions as always a worse option.
So this book was a mixed bag for me.
June 16, 2021
I've read another book before about the same subject, but not so deep like this. I've been working as an Agile Coaching since 2015 and I'm always had problems using the powerful questions during coaching sessions.
This book showed me as to be more efficient in helping my teammates to reach their goals. Now I'm more confident to do my job every day.
I had a chance to share my experiences using the techniques taught in the book at a Brazilian conference named The Developers conference. To see it, look at the presentation here: https://www.slideshare.net/vladsonsil...
This book showed me as to be more efficient in helping my teammates to reach their goals. Now I'm more confident to do my job every day.
I had a chance to share my experiences using the techniques taught in the book at a Brazilian conference named The Developers conference. To see it, look at the presentation here: https://www.slideshare.net/vladsonsil...
July 24, 2025
Good advice for beginning and intermediate coaches, and especially if you're new to mindfulness practices and how that can be a big impact for your coaching practice. You can tell the author is an expert. I listened to the audiobook. I feel like as a younger coach I would have found this book much more valuable, but I've been at it for a while. Also, I'm a practicing Buddhist, so the mindfulness practices were for a different audience than me--but they were still good practices. There's a lot of what she describes in this book that I've read elsewhere in Buddhist teachings, too. There's some good nuggets of coaching advice here for everyone.
April 25, 2024
Really helpful for baby coaches
I’m new to coaching (currently in the midst of ICF training) and found this book really helpful in crystallizing concepts that before had seemed too esoteric. Reynolds has a great writing voice, and I really like how the book was structured and laid out — easy to highlight, make notes, revisit. I especially like the three habits she explained at the end. Highly recommended!
I’m new to coaching (currently in the midst of ICF training) and found this book really helpful in crystallizing concepts that before had seemed too esoteric. Reynolds has a great writing voice, and I really like how the book was structured and laid out — easy to highlight, make notes, revisit. I especially like the three habits she explained at the end. Highly recommended!
April 28, 2024
TBH, I had to read this as part of a peer coaching program I took for professional development. Initially and grudgingly, I read on, but after finishing the book, I appreciated it. Marcia is engaging and presented it in practical and applied terms that I was able to put it to use right away. I still have ways to go to be like Marcia but the book allows me to go and practice everytime. I ordered her next book Breakthrough Coaching pronto after this one.
June 21, 2024
I have read dozens of books on coaching and communication, gone through a coach training program and become certified. I continue to improve my skills through books like this, however I simply cannot recommend this book. The first several chapters the author spends complaining about coach. The rest of the book is spent very lightly explaining how to coach. There is no depth. Do yourself a favor and pick up a different coaching book.
September 6, 2020
This is an excellent book for the coach. She easily presented ways to either reinforce techniques we learned when we first started coaching and/or shared a different way of looking at coaching the person and staying out of the often tempting “problem.”
This has moved to my top 5 of coaching reference books for when I need a boost or a refresher. Thank you.
This has moved to my top 5 of coaching reference books for when I need a boost or a refresher. Thank you.
February 14, 2021
An excellent resource for any coach looking to be a true thinking partner for their clients, and learning how to get out of our own way to do that better. Full of immediately applicable stances, exercises, perspectives, and insights. I’ve read parts of this book multiple times and foresee going back to it in the future.
October 12, 2021
I absolutely love this book! Marcia Reynolds' book is easy to read and offers great examples about coaching the person. I love the way she writes and the specific case scenarios she uses throughout the book. We actually had book review sessions with other coaches. So worth it. Love it. It is a keeper.
December 9, 2022
One of the best books on professional coaching, by one of the most loved coaches & mentor coaches, Marcia.
As we head to the next edition of “Coaching Unlimited”, a curated coaching intensive this we inspire us to #ChaseMastery in coaching.
As we head to the next edition of “Coaching Unlimited”, a curated coaching intensive this we inspire us to #ChaseMastery in coaching.
May 3, 2024
This book is highly rated, and I learned some lessons from it.
But I'm going to have to go back and read it again more slowly
So that I get actionable and more internalized lessons from it.
To feel like I'm doing something different or better, from having read it.
But I'm going to have to go back and read it again more slowly
So that I get actionable and more internalized lessons from it.
To feel like I'm doing something different or better, from having read it.
March 3, 2025
A great introduction to the coaching practice. This book covers the basics but goes beyond to highlight specific techniques and mindsets for powerful coaching. I highly recommend this book to anyone interested in the coaching world.
August 12, 2020
Some good reminders - some new perspectives and tools - lots of underlining and pages turned down
December 9, 2020
Great book on coaching by using reflective inquiry. Marcia shares how to use observation and reflective questions to empower people to make their own choices and develop their character.
March 1, 2021
foundational reading for all coaches.
May 25, 2021
Very practical
June 14, 2021
Good!
Displaying 1 - 30 of 54 reviews