What it Feels Like for a Girl

by Paris Lees

Thirteen-year-old Byron needs to get away, and doesn't care how. Sick of being beaten up by lads for "talkin' like a poof" after school. Sick of dad - the weightlifting, womanising Gaz - and Mam, who pissed off to Turkey like Shirley Valentine. Sick of all the people in Hucknall who shuffle about like the living dead, going on about kitchens they're too skint to do up and marriages they're too scared to leave.

It's a new millennium, Madonna's 'Music' is top of the charts and there's a whole world to explore - and Byron's happy to beg, steal and skank onto a rollercoaster ride of hedonism. Life explodes like a rush of ecstasy when Byron escapes into Nottingham's kinetic underworld and discovers the East Midlands' premier podium-dancer-cum-hellraiser, the mesmerising Lady Die. But when the comedown finally kicks in, Byron arrives at a shocking encounter that will change life forever.

Bold, poignant and riotously funny, What It Feels Like For a Girl is the unique, hotly-anticipated and addictively-readable debut from one of Britain's most exciting young writers.

Genres: Nonfiction, Memoir, Queer, LGBT, Transgender, Biography, Audiobook

272 pages, Hardcover

First published May 27, 2021

Reviews

[Timothy Wynne · Rating 5 out of 5]

I honestly can't think of a book I loved this much in the last 10 years.

[Ian Payton · Rating 4 out of 5]

A powerful and sometimes difficult to read semi-fictionalised autobiography of the author’s teenage years. The author is a trans woman, and is now a journalist, media presenter, and campaigner for trans issues. The book explores the author’s pre-transition life from ages 13 to 18 through the fictional character Byron, growing up in Nottingham.

There are significant references to discriminatory language, drug taking, prostitution and statutory rape - so it’s not a book to go into lightly. These references are framed as part of a hedonistic way of life where the drug taking and prostitution are part of an explicit lifestyle choice rather than an unavoidable spiralling descent into depravation. And by the end of the book (not a spoiler, given the author’s very public current situation) Byron has turned a corner, and we start to see the self esteem and self control that have (presumably) formed the foundation of their adult life.

I’m not really qualified, nor do I have the tools or inclination, to pass comment on the content of the story. I do now, however, have massive respect for Paris Lees’ achievements and campaigning, and find it astonishing and inspiring that she has found success and happiness against what appear to be significant odds. I assume that a vast majority of people in similar circumstances have less positive outcomes.

My star rating is for the quality of the writing, not the story itself (the story is Paris Lees’ early life, and I’m not going to put a star rating on that). The writing is engaging and compelling, and the story is very well told. The book is in the first person, and is written entirely in Nottinghamshire vernacular, with sentences like:

“People din’t lock their doors coz there were no crime, accordin’ to ’er, an’ if ya saw a stranger walkin’ down the street, well, ya just invited ’em in for a brew! I have a feelin’ folk wun’t have bin flingin’ their doors open an’ pourin’ tea down yer neck if ya happened to be gay”

For me, this grounded the sense of place and character, and gave the book a powerful sense of authenticity - but it won’t be to everyone’s taste.

A book-club pick. Definitely not a book I would otherwise have chosen to read (yay book clubs!), but I’m glad that I have.

[Michael · Rating 4 out of 5]

If the same book can make you laugh and cry, feel appalled and encouraged, angry and heartwarmed, that's a good reading experience, no?
I loved this book; it's frank, uncompromising, difficult to read at times, whilst being uplifting and inspiring.
I'd recommend reading the acknowledgements at the end of the book, extensive though they are, as they provide some useful codas.

[Alan (on December semi-hiatus) Teder · Rating 5 out of 5]

Gritty but Redeeming
A review of the Penguin Books Ltd. paperback (July 7, 2022) of the Particular Books hardcover original (May 27, 2021).

Mammer Joe's me mam's mam - but I call 'er Old Mother 'ubbard coz she's always "runnin' low on supplies" apart from Giro day. Gaz sez, "There's no need to gi' yersen airs an' friggin' graces just coz yer a clever clogs," but I don't even reckon I am that clever. I just think everyone else round here's stupid.

[4.5 rounded up]
At first I thought would I be patient enough to read through an entire book written in Hucknall, Nottinghamshire dialect? But it actually was not a problem at all as it immerses you into the character of Paris (then Byron) Lees and their world during a time when they struggled against condemnation at home, bullying and abuse at school, a descent into teenage prostitution and crime, a stint in prison and finally a redemption arc through education.

What might be a depressing read at times is regularly lightened by Paris Lees' sharp-witted humour throughout, some of which you can sample in my status updates available on GR below or here if you are linking from outside of GR. A favourite was this excerpt:

They've put me in a cell on ma own. I've gotta TV. I watched Poltergeist on ma first night on this wing. Ya hear people goin' on about how they shun't have TVs in prison an' that, how "it's like a holiday for 'em". Well, I'm not bein' funny, but if I paid for a holiday an' ended up here I'd be writin' a very strongly worded letter to Thomas Cook.

I only heard about the original book after finding out about the TV-series. I decided to read the original first, but the series is reasonably faithful to it even if it jumps around a bit with the timeline.

Soundtrack
Although the memoir is set in Paris Lees' teenage years in the early 2000's, most of the music mentioned is from earlier disco / electronica / trance which must have featured in the dance clubs frequented at the time. Soft Cell and Boy George & Culture Club are specific bands mentioned for instance. The 1980s are even referred to as "the hallowed decade."

It is not mentioned in the book itself but the book title is presumably inspired by Madonna's What It Feels Like for a Girl (2001) which you can listen to on Spotify here or watch the video on YouTube here.
Madonna's album Ray of Light (1998) is definitely mentioned, especially the title track which you can listen to on Spotify here or watch the video on YouTube here.

There is a soundtrack and an official playlist for the 2025 TV-series which contains mostly newer tracks which were not mentioned in the original book. You can listen to the soundtrack on Spotify here and the official playlist on Spotify here.

Trivia and Links
What It Feels Like for a Girl was adapted into an 8-part BBC3 TV series What It Feels Like for a Girl (2025) starring Ellis Howard as Byron Lees. It debuted on June 3, 2025. It is available in the UK on BBC iPlayer but is geo-blocked elsewhere (unless you have a VPN). I have not yet (as of early July 2025) found it on Britbox in Canada. You can watch the trailer on YouTube here.

[Andrea King · Rating 2 out of 5]

I listened to the audio version and I think Paris does a good job on the narration. It was brave not to centre the book on the "trans experience" which many would have expected and also to write it in dialect. But ultimately I found the book deeply narcissistic and shallow with very little self reflection.

[Georgia · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’m coming back to write a review when I am capable of it, because right now I’m too busy crying.

[Wendy Greenberg · Rating 1 out of 5]

I hate a book in dialect. I found it unnecessarily hard work and would have stopped reading after the first pages except it was a book group read.

The USP of this memoir is the drilling down into the situation of Byron becoming Paris, a young trans story. For me, this really didn't hugely differ (in content) from Rainbow Milk by Paul Mendez and Shuggie Bain by Douglas Stuart. Poverty, abuse, addiction and being your own person. That said, I really disliked both of those books as well. However this has the added extra of Nottinghamshire patois.

There is nothing in this book that gave me any understanding of the trans experience. It somehow seems to dodge the danger elements of prostitution and was all presented as a bit of a lark. The implicit narrative was the blatant grooming to which Lees was subjected to by older men but this is given as much attention as a bus journey. Her part in a crime, conviction and prison sentence are so light touch that they could have been excluded. Surely this is an open door to explain how it feels being a woman in a man's body.

If (and that's a big if, from me) this seemed at some stage, to be a publishable memoir, surely an editor should have suggested some reflection on these endlessly damaging experiences and dysfunctional parenting. Instead we are bombarded with it being the froth of youth and not as bad as the murkier depths of the story indicate.

Truly dreadful

[David Randle · Rating 2 out of 5]

I found the book very ME ME ME.
I lived in hucknall and a simalar age, who was also brought up in a council house on a council estate and we found plenty to do.
Was very self pity and blame others.

The only good note was that it does provide an interesting insight into those that get on the wrong path and how troubling that path can be.

[Brittany (whatbritreads) · Rating 4 out of 5]

*Thank you to the publisher for sending me a copy of this to review!*

This was a memoir like I’ve never read before, it redefined what it means to be a memoir and honestly I loved that about it. It was written in such an engaging and tongue in cheek style from the offset that this simply felt like dipping into a piece of fiction. It was written with such great character and had a tone to it that felt so relaxed yet intimate. I loved the voice in which it was written, Paris Lees has such a talent for storytelling. I reckon I could sit having a pint with her and listen to her talk for days, mesmerising and so engaging.

The Nottingham nostalgia hit me full force here honestly, being the city I studied in it made me miss it so much - despite how downright dreary it sounded in here. Reading this in the little voice in my head with the accent really transported me back there, and the descriptions were so vivid I could picture everything.

This book takes the reader on such an insane journey and it was really quite mind blowing to read how she grew up and how that shaped her as an individual. Though a lot of this memoir is quite sad, the tone never seemed to dip down and it always had an underlying buzz of positivity and lightness to it somehow that was really unexpected but brilliantly achieved. It was relatable in many aspects as well, talking about elements of living on a council estate and being bullied throughout school that I resonated with and really felt.

Overall this one was brilliant and definitely worth the read if you’re interested. I just wish it was perhaps a bit longer and some elements were fleshed out a little more as the ending felt rushed, but I enjoyed it.

[Lorrie · Rating 1 out of 5]

Narcissistic, misogynist tripe.

[Ross · Rating 4 out of 5]

entertaining, arresting, dark and really authentically powerful - loved!

[Tom · Rating 5 out of 5]

A really really beautiful memoir filled with a lot of light and humour. Writing style takes a minute to get used to but becomes really endearing when you’re into it. I think this would provoke empathy and understanding in anyone in a very hostile and transphobic world.

[Amber · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book caught my eye when I saw it was supposed to be about a Northern(ish) lass and her trials and tribulations in the face of way too much adversity, and how she overcame all of that to become a more rounded and grounded person (with a little help from her friends), meeting lots of interesting characters along the way. Sometimes you just make the wrong call!

The actual reality of what I encountered on the printed page was a lot less substantial than my expectations. The central character was well, very central, to the extent that nobody else seemed to feature very much in proceedings at all. Other people were in the main dismissed as inadequate, unsavoury, and undeserving of the author’s attention. Often what little hint there was of their personalities or other characteristic suggested that they might indeed be worthy of more attention, but the author preferred to be dismissive of them. She attempted to create the impression that such mere mortals were not as glamorous, cool and attractive as her, thereby not registering on her scale of approval making them consequentially irrelevant.
This contempt for others seemed also to extend to her own family. She was seemingly at pains to write them off as unloving and uncaring; a millstone around her neck which she shattered to succeed in her quest for fame and fortune. Again what detail was supplied did not really chime with this negative opinion about them as they appeared to have provided her with a reasonably nourishing and supportive environment.
I found her sense of achievement through struggle to be an overcooked fantasy, one with too many chips mainly on her shoulder! In terms of the real challenges of disadvantage that a great many Northern women have to overcome there was little to suggest that she had to break through many glass ceilings! That, and her soft stated sense of entitlement – the sun shining from her literary behind – left me feeling that this book was a wasted opportunity to interpret the world around the author and say something positive about her journey through life so far and the folk that she has met along the way.

[Kathryn Kane · Rating 4 out of 5]

The way this is written is so matter of fact that it takes a minute to process how dark some of the things that happened to Paris are. It’s written like a novel so you almost forget this is her real life. So charming and actually loved reading it in the Notts accent.

[laszczaq · Rating 4 out of 5]

#GGIBookClubReading

oh, honey 🥺🥺🥺

[Benino · Rating 4 out of 5]

Paris Lees – What it Feels Like for a Girl

Bold, brazen, unapologetically queer

Paris Lees’s gripping memoir is told first-person, through her Notts-accented voice, displaying defiance, harsh reasoning and self-judgment. She tells her story as it was, discovering herself and her voice through the persona of non-binary Byron, Byron the Bender, the poof. There is plenty to shock here, but none of it is affected.

Struggling with an absent mum, and trapped between bullies and a violent bouncer dad Gaz, Byron finds a way to begin to escape their banal and suffocating poverty. Selling themself, cottaging. Heading out, discovering the gay quarter, bars AD2, NG1, liberation in nightlife, they find that they are desirable, and not just a punchbag. All the while, it invokes Nottingham Gay culture vividly, along with the music and accents to create a soundscape that is already changing beyond recognition.

Although this story of self-discovery is filled with upsetting events, Lees’s memoir is never self-pitying. Byron takes increasing ownership of their voice. They take the actions and intolerance of others at face value, calling their mistreatment out for what it is, while always expressing love and regret for the small things. It is the emergence of this accented, street-fierce yet intelligent and self-possessing voice that is really powerful in this memoir of trans experience.

However, the liberation of finding chosen family, The Fallen Diva Project, and glamorous and raucous pole-dancing Lady Die, were not enough to check Byron’s unbridled wild flight from up-bringing and neglect. They get coerced into armed robbery by another rent boy, leading to incarceration. Along with family loss, there is the space for self-recognition. Even if it is in conversations through the detention centre toilet waste pipes. It is here the girl Paris emerges.

There is hurt aplenty in this memoir; regret, awful circumstances, and fear all give way to impulses that are not understood. But through this there is still so much joy at the possibility of being able to determine one’s own existence, and Lees demonstrates that the inner strength and resolve to dance and be vulnerable can still liberate.

Gripping escapism for difficult times.

[Ju Canon · Rating 5 out of 5]

I could not leave this book down. Talking about this that way, I love it. The acknowledgments at the end which I don’t usually read but I wanted to be longer with Paris Lee, flipped my heart like a perfectly cooked pancake.

[Bob Hughes · Rating 4 out of 5]

A really bold, punchy, funny and tender memoir that details Paris Lees in her younger days, her growing understanding of her gender and sexuality, and how she manages to skirt trouble, up until she first goes to university.

Paris Lees manages to make her memoir feel like a novel, to the extent that you occasionally snap back into remembering that it is real, and that the woman writing the story not only endured, but survived, everything in its pages.

The most noticeable thing about the book is something that hits you within the first few words- it is all written in accented dialect. In the hands of a less confident writer, it could come off hackneyed and gimmicky, and I was nervous when I first saw it, but Paris Lees uses it as a strength, it carrying a strange and endearing charm throughout the book.

The sections about her burgeoning sexuality and gender identity are powerfully done- she is almost casual at talking about sex work, realising she is a woman and finding herself, and it feels liberating and profound. It almost feels that, if she had written about it in a typical way (somewhat more sentimental or declaratory), it would not have fit. For me, the power of the voice in this book is what drives it to be such a thrilling and thoughtful read.

I received an advanced copy of the book from NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.

[Emerald Denniss · Rating 5 out of 5]

I absolutely LOVED this book and can’t fault it at all. The heart, the humour, the visibility, the real talk, the UNREAL 90s and 00s references. Oof just awesome. Plus honestly I can’t get enough of people writing in local accents and dialect! Bonus points that the working class experiences mirrored so many of my own in a not so far away place (with the same dialect) in the same era, such nostalgia and memories as well as truly being able to understand so many of the scenarios that young working class folks find ourselves in and struggle to see a way out of. Gonna tell everyone to read this book 💜💜💜

[Kate McTaggart · Rating 4 out of 5]

*netgalley review*

I’ve been a fan of Paris for a long time and was excited to read this book. It’s a beautiful read (despite being written in a Hucknall vernacular ha) and, although some parts in the middle were less engaging, I loved it. The final 30% is incredible and the whole book is so imageable it could be adapted to the screen.

[Anna · Rating 5 out of 5]

You know worram like

[Benny · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this. Might be the best memoir I've read in a couple years. Brutally honest, charming, devastating, had me crying and laughing within a page. I love the way this is narrated, I love the dialect and I love this portrayal of the queer club scene Lees was immersed in. Absolute fire

[natasha · Rating 4 out of 5]

such a strong, captivating and loveable voice, if all memoirs were written like this i’d read them all the time!

[Mia Tiger · Rating 5 out of 5]

Absolutely floored. I am completely and utterly enchanted by Paris. What an eloquent and captivating storyteller.. I weep

[Angelica Star · Rating 5 out of 5]

I just loved this. Beginning to end. Impeccable.

[Stacey Mckeogh · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is AMAZING!!!!! The best I’ve read in a long time!! Brutally honest, funny and heartbreaking.
I went into it blind and for the first part thought it was a novel. The writing is so easy to read, it’s like your listening to her speaking.
You know when you read a book and close it at the end and just have a little moment to yourself to process it all and smile….this book made me do that.

[Lisa Bentley · Rating 4 out of 5]

I first came across Paris Lees on Question Time a few years ago. She spoke so passionately about being trans and the lack of visibility for the trans community. She highlighted how she was the first trans person ever to appear on question time and how about trans people are talked at and about but never included in the conversation which crucially had such a negative impact on how the trans community are perceived by society. She was, quite frankly, amazing.

Her autobiography, What It Feels Like For a Girl is pretty damn good too. Paris Lees has led a pretty interesting life. In her no holds barred account of what it is like to grow up in Nottingham whilst dealing with her sexuality and becoming the person she was born to be you really are taken on a massive emotional journey.

Through all the terrible things that Paris Lees has to go through you have no doubt that she will survive. She is a survivor. A fighter. And to be perfectly honest, after I finished the book I just wanted to be her friend. I feel that there is much more of this story to tell and I really hope that Lees does a follow up because besides leading such a fascinating life she also writes incredibly well.

What It Feels Like for a Girl is one that I would happily reread several times over.

What It Feels Like For a Girl by Paris Lees is available now.

[Penny Adrian · Rating 1 out of 5]

Paris Lees has no idea "what it feels like for a girl" including what it feels like for a trans girl. Her regressive misogynistic view of women is despicable. Her insecurity has led her to perform a parody of womanhood that resembles the view of women embraced by complementarian white evangelicals (it is stunning how similar the misogyny is on both the Far Right and the Far Left). Miss Lees needs to find out what it feels like for a grown woman or she is going to do harm to trans kids who are already brutally exploited and fetishized in the sex trade. If you love your trans daughter, encourage her not t read this book.

[Sandra McCourt · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is funny and sad at the same time. The struggles of a young Byron growing up and the struggle to find their place in society. It takes you all through the different emotions and let’s you appreciate what this young woman has gone through to become the successful person she is today.

[Ren Dick · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’ve essentially read this in one morning. Got the first 85 pages down on Thursday night and had to pry it from my own hands to sleep! One of the best books I’ve ever read. Inspiring. Heartbreaking. Raw. Real.