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The Covert Narcissist: Recognizing the Most Dangerous Subtle Form of Narcissism and Recovering from Emotionally Abusive Relationships
Still struggling from the effects of a narcissistic or psychopathically abusive relationship?Many people do and sadly there is very little information available to be found online or in the written research, or with counsellors and therapists that can help. Narcissistic Victim Syndrome is not officially recognised, nor is it widely even known.Even when it is accepted, recognised and known not many people seem to know what to DO ABOUT IT to heal it… The fact is being in a relationship with a narcissist over a long period of time has long lasting traumatic effects that can be extremely catastrophic to the person suffering them.DO THE FOLLOWING SYMPTOMS SOUND FAMILIAR?- Ruined self confidence- Doubting yourself and your sanity- Mood swings- Sleeplessness- Extreme weight loss or weight gain- Uncharacteristic jealousy/ insecurity- Feeling like you don’t know the difference between right and wrong- Extreme paranoia (being turned into an obsessive detective)- Endless, repetitive obsessive thinking about your ex- Constantly trying to find explanations for what has happened- Feelings of helplessness and despair- A desire to self isolate- Feeling desperately misunderstood- Overwhelming feelings of loss and grief- Extreme bouts of rage- An inability to be comfortable with yourself- Strange dreamsThe list goes on….“NOBODY UNDERSTANDS!”I hear this frustrated cry from abused people a lot.I felt the same way when I was recovering from emotional abuse at the hands of a narcissistic/borderline psychopath. If you try and tell people who have NO EXPERIENCE with a narcissist (there is no experience like being with a narcissist, its not their fault they can’t understand) about it they will either deny your experience, tell you you are exaggerating or look at you like you were crazy.Covert Narcissists dangle their vulnerability in front of you as bait, just waiting for your good nurturing mothering/fathering instincts to kick in and rescue the poor little lost child they are presenting to you.But beneath the mask of a shy, vulnerable and “good person” something far more sinister lurks.And this what makes covert narcissism so damaging and the nature of the disorder is such that you are brainwashed into thinking you are dealing with a human being with a morality, perhaps even a “pillar of the community”.OFT REPEATED MYTHS OF THE INTERNET ABOUT NARCISSISTS :You are Narcissists are always brash, loud, assertive, flashy and Confident.The problem Coverts are quiet, insecure and passive.You are Narcissists will never apologise for things they do.The problem Coverts can learn that a quick and TOTAL apology is a really slick way of getting their target to “go back to sleep” if it looks like they are waking up.You are Narcissists can be detected because they will always tell you how amazing they are and by bragging about their achievements.The problem Coverts are known for presenting themselves as vulnerable victims who can even use that vulnerability as a hook to bait you in!WHAT YOU NEED Someone who has been throu
143 pages, Kindle Edition
Published November 19, 2019
449 people are currently reading
417 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 44 reviews
May 31, 2020
MAYBE the content is good?
The first 2/3 of the book had SO MANY errors it was hard to believe the information could be accurate. For instance, there were multiple uses of “matter effect” with not even “as a” preceding it.
The last third just had really long paragraphs and seemed so different than the first 1/3 it’s hard to believe it was the same author. It genuinely seemed copied and pasted.
If you want a truly excellent book about Narcissism read “stop caretaking the narcissist and Borderline personality disorder”.
The first 2/3 of the book had SO MANY errors it was hard to believe the information could be accurate. For instance, there were multiple uses of “matter effect” with not even “as a” preceding it.
The last third just had really long paragraphs and seemed so different than the first 1/3 it’s hard to believe it was the same author. It genuinely seemed copied and pasted.
If you want a truly excellent book about Narcissism read “stop caretaking the narcissist and Borderline personality disorder”.
November 14, 2021
I'll start out with the positive. This book had a lot of good things to say about the topic. However, it was almost unreadable. It is so fraught with errors of all kinds that it is downright inaccurate at times and a trial to read from page one on. There are spelling errors, tense errors, misuse of words, wrong words, poor and confusing sentence structures, and poorly organized content that make certain concepts impossible to understand. I have never read a book with so many glaring errors that in some instances, made it impossible to understand what the writer was trying to communicate. In my opinion, this book should be pulled from publication and submitted to a good editor. I am not an editor, but I wouldn't touch it with a 10-foot pole because it basically needs to be rewritten from start to finish. In my opinion, the author (at PhD no less!) should be ashamed of herself for putting out such a poor product. It was really hard to take the author seriously as an expert on the topic as the errors severely discredited her. I am reading a second book by the same author, which is much better edited, but still full of errors, like saying "can" when the context clearly calls for "can't." Please consider a serious revision.
December 3, 2023
This book was like my life married to my ex-husband for 5 years. Didn't even know what a covet narcissist was until I went to counseling, and my counselor mentioned reading books to help me heal and understand what I went through. Didn't even know people were this evil. It was like sleeping with your enemy. This book really made me feel and understand that I was not going insane as my ex gaslight me into believing. I recommend this book for anyone dealing with a narcissist.
October 11, 2021
Decent information, but very repetitive and so so so many grammatical and editing errors.
January 1, 2023
Empecé a leer este libro en formato audiolibro y precisamente por qué quería conocer más acerca del transformo narcisista. La verdad me gusto mucho pues entendí muchos conceptos relacionados con la manipulación y hasta qué punto una relación que al principio parece buena puede volverse completamente tóxica.
Sin duda es un libro que me permitió entender que para estar en una relación debemos de trabajar primero en nosotros mismos y no cargar nuestros traumas a otras personas.
A veces nuestra falta de amor propio hace que permitamos que entren a nuestras vidas personas que realmente no lo merecen, y terminan por succionar esa poca seguridad que aún albergábamos. Recomiendo ampliamente el libro de la Dra. Teresa a cualquier persona que sienta que ha pasado por una relación así o que haya sufrido de manipulación.
Con este libro finalizó mi año en lecturas y agradezco por todo el conocimiento :)
Sin duda es un libro que me permitió entender que para estar en una relación debemos de trabajar primero en nosotros mismos y no cargar nuestros traumas a otras personas.
A veces nuestra falta de amor propio hace que permitamos que entren a nuestras vidas personas que realmente no lo merecen, y terminan por succionar esa poca seguridad que aún albergábamos. Recomiendo ampliamente el libro de la Dra. Teresa a cualquier persona que sienta que ha pasado por una relación así o que haya sufrido de manipulación.
Con este libro finalizó mi año en lecturas y agradezco por todo el conocimiento :)
November 11, 2022
I've been blasted with 2, Covert narcissists vampires, in different ways and forms.
Yes, I call them (my mother in laws) "the vamperess's" because they come to you so beautiful, loving and caring. They will suck all of your blood out, every last drop, and blame it on someone else. They will indeed never apologize, be remorseful, or feel sympathy for you. This book is absolutely great for trying to understand a narcissistic person. Also, the healing process explained, is wonderful steps to follow. I'll have to put double the time in, for my healing process, considering I'm still married and going on 24 years. These mother in laws have placed a huge wall between my husband and I. Nonetheless, have isolated, disregarded me, and no longer include me in any functional birthday or holidays. My husband and son are all that is welcome.
Some day, I can't wait to start, and begin my healing and recovery strategies. Good luck to all of you suffering from a narcissistic person/person's. Be strong at all times and never show your weaknesses. Love 💕 to all.
Yes, I call them (my mother in laws) "the vamperess's" because they come to you so beautiful, loving and caring. They will suck all of your blood out, every last drop, and blame it on someone else. They will indeed never apologize, be remorseful, or feel sympathy for you. This book is absolutely great for trying to understand a narcissistic person. Also, the healing process explained, is wonderful steps to follow. I'll have to put double the time in, for my healing process, considering I'm still married and going on 24 years. These mother in laws have placed a huge wall between my husband and I. Nonetheless, have isolated, disregarded me, and no longer include me in any functional birthday or holidays. My husband and son are all that is welcome.
Some day, I can't wait to start, and begin my healing and recovery strategies. Good luck to all of you suffering from a narcissistic person/person's. Be strong at all times and never show your weaknesses. Love 💕 to all.
January 30, 2023
For anyone who has ever dealt with a covert narcissistic, or even suspects they may have, this book will be an eye opening guide to recovery from emotional abuse.
The author lays out the differences between overt and covert narcissism, the tactics a covert narcissistic will use and how to recognise their actions.
The latter part of the book deals with the process of distancing yourself from the abuser, and then coming to terms with, recovering and healing from the abuse.
The author focuses mainly on romantic relationships, but does note that the guidance in the book also relates to friendships, colleagues and even parents who are covert narcissists.
For anyone who has suffered emotional abuse at the hands of a covert narcissistic, this book will provide valuable learning and guidance towards healing.
The author lays out the differences between overt and covert narcissism, the tactics a covert narcissistic will use and how to recognise their actions.
The latter part of the book deals with the process of distancing yourself from the abuser, and then coming to terms with, recovering and healing from the abuse.
The author focuses mainly on romantic relationships, but does note that the guidance in the book also relates to friendships, colleagues and even parents who are covert narcissists.
For anyone who has suffered emotional abuse at the hands of a covert narcissistic, this book will provide valuable learning and guidance towards healing.
November 23, 2023
eye opening
A lot of people just view some people as toxic or relationships as toxic. If you’re one of those people, give this book a read. I recently stopped talking to someone because it felt toxic, but once I learned what some of the traits were—stonewalling. Gaslighting. Breadcrumbing. The list started to coalesce into something more substantial and covert narcissism came up. I now know the person I was dealing with was a covert narcissist and it out so many things in perspective. A well written, uplifting book. You can deal with situations clearly when you know what you’re dealing with, and this shed light on that particular individual. Now I’m absolved of trying to make the relationship work, because nothing I did was ever going to make things better. You can’t fix people that are this broken (or have cluster b personality disorders).
A lot of people just view some people as toxic or relationships as toxic. If you’re one of those people, give this book a read. I recently stopped talking to someone because it felt toxic, but once I learned what some of the traits were—stonewalling. Gaslighting. Breadcrumbing. The list started to coalesce into something more substantial and covert narcissism came up. I now know the person I was dealing with was a covert narcissist and it out so many things in perspective. A well written, uplifting book. You can deal with situations clearly when you know what you’re dealing with, and this shed light on that particular individual. Now I’m absolved of trying to make the relationship work, because nothing I did was ever going to make things better. You can’t fix people that are this broken (or have cluster b personality disorders).
December 15, 2022
Truly eye opening and spot on!
This was an amazing book. I could not put it down. Read it all in two days! That's how incredibly accurate it is! Every chapter felt more and more personal. I related on so many levels, and it felt very nourishing to feel and finally see, I am not alone. The signs and behavior might as well have been describing the covert narc I was dealing with to a T. It's an empowering read and a must-read for anyone who even suspects they are dealing with a covert. It truly is a unique type of toxic, and this book does an outstanding job at breaking it down. Thanks so much for writing and sharing this book. I will truly be reading it more than once and sharing it with anyone I know who needs info on coverts. Fantastic job!
This was an amazing book. I could not put it down. Read it all in two days! That's how incredibly accurate it is! Every chapter felt more and more personal. I related on so many levels, and it felt very nourishing to feel and finally see, I am not alone. The signs and behavior might as well have been describing the covert narc I was dealing with to a T. It's an empowering read and a must-read for anyone who even suspects they are dealing with a covert. It truly is a unique type of toxic, and this book does an outstanding job at breaking it down. Thanks so much for writing and sharing this book. I will truly be reading it more than once and sharing it with anyone I know who needs info on coverts. Fantastic job!
September 7, 2021
Great Read
As I read your book, it was very healing because I have lived all these things and it was nice to be validated. I would love to share this book with others but its almost like only computer proof read the book, not a person. Please let me know when these errors have been fixed. I wouod love to share this easy to read and understand book with others to help them and their loved ones understand this terrible type of relationship. If it weren't for the errors I would rate this a 5
As I read your book, it was very healing because I have lived all these things and it was nice to be validated. I would love to share this book with others but its almost like only computer proof read the book, not a person. Please let me know when these errors have been fixed. I wouod love to share this easy to read and understand book with others to help them and their loved ones understand this terrible type of relationship. If it weren't for the errors I would rate this a 5
October 18, 2021
Excellent content
The author covers the stages of relationship with a covert narcissist very well. This book also clearly defines the boundary between narcissist and victim/survivor as not the fault of the survivor. The first months of no contact with my CN I repeated to myself every night that he had never loved me, it was the most difficult reality to accept. There seems to have been no editing of this book. I rarely notice misspellings, but I did and awkward phrasing while reading this.
The author covers the stages of relationship with a covert narcissist very well. This book also clearly defines the boundary between narcissist and victim/survivor as not the fault of the survivor. The first months of no contact with my CN I repeated to myself every night that he had never loved me, it was the most difficult reality to accept. There seems to have been no editing of this book. I rarely notice misspellings, but I did and awkward phrasing while reading this.
August 9, 2023
A necessary read for anyone suspecting they know a covert narcissist.
This book was incredibly hard to read. Truth is like that, it quickly cuts to the core issue revealing the heart. Well I felt both flayed open and incredibly relieved that I wasn’t delisional.
Yeah. I’m a future survivor.
Behavior and manipulation tactics are detailed in a way that I finally saw and understood why my life felt so empty, draining, and stuck. I was also encouraged and uplifted as Dr Covert reminded me I am worthy of good.
This book was incredibly hard to read. Truth is like that, it quickly cuts to the core issue revealing the heart. Well I felt both flayed open and incredibly relieved that I wasn’t delisional.
Yeah. I’m a future survivor.
Behavior and manipulation tactics are detailed in a way that I finally saw and understood why my life felt so empty, draining, and stuck. I was also encouraged and uplifted as Dr Covert reminded me I am worthy of good.
November 1, 2021
Possibly helpful, but poor editing
There were some helpful tidbits in here, primarily on identifying a covert narcissist, but I honestly felt like the book could use serious editing /proof reading.
Instead of "as a matter of fact" there were multiple instances of "matter effect". There was no evidence or citations of scientific research or documentation.
Overall, not an enjoyable read and I would not recommend.
There were some helpful tidbits in here, primarily on identifying a covert narcissist, but I honestly felt like the book could use serious editing /proof reading.
Instead of "as a matter of fact" there were multiple instances of "matter effect". There was no evidence or citations of scientific research or documentation.
Overall, not an enjoyable read and I would not recommend.
April 13, 2024
Very well written book
I really enjoyed reading this book. I feel it has opened my eyes up to a lot of behaviours from my partner that I was struggling to understand. I feelnlike it answered a lot of questions I have been thinking about for ages. Thank you to the author, you've definable helped me feel so much better and optimistic about healing and moving on and having the future I deserve
I really enjoyed reading this book. I feel it has opened my eyes up to a lot of behaviours from my partner that I was struggling to understand. I feelnlike it answered a lot of questions I have been thinking about for ages. Thank you to the author, you've definable helped me feel so much better and optimistic about healing and moving on and having the future I deserve
June 21, 2024
Very Insightful and Helpful
Genuinely loved this book. Completed it in a day and felt very validated reading it. It was like my entire experience was in the pages, like my own memoir. Only critique I can offer is the concept of “forgiving them”. I know it’s very nuanced but I would never forgive the person who abused me. Out of the whole book of gold, this was the one thing I struggled with but still very highly recommend.
Genuinely loved this book. Completed it in a day and felt very validated reading it. It was like my entire experience was in the pages, like my own memoir. Only critique I can offer is the concept of “forgiving them”. I know it’s very nuanced but I would never forgive the person who abused me. Out of the whole book of gold, this was the one thing I struggled with but still very highly recommend.
December 8, 2024
This cannot possibly be a real person. There is no bio, no history, no web pages, no facebook. An AI combed the internet to republish the ideas of others, periodically using the bad grammar that is indicative of either a non-native speaker or AI. The information is basic, it is topical but not in depth. This is a very serious topic and while this might be a good start for basic information, it isn't in depth or helpful for moving on. Whoever is publishing these is gaslighting us.
June 15, 2025
Some people will hide under the "Avoidant" umbrella to avoid being labelled as a narcissist. You'll hear so many people complain about how Anxious attachment is no better, but avoidants literally don't even want a relationship. They'll go on about how they can't keep up with a relationship, but continue to engage in relationships. Sure, Anxiously attached inviduals have problems too. However, they at least want a relationship. Some avoidants just date non-avoidants for ego.
August 3, 2020
Too many errors
Full of information that is useful and helpful to victims. However full of too many grammatical errors. Appalling. I do not understand why these errors have not been corrected. It takes away from the book and many times made it hard to comprehend what the author was trying to say. Dr Covert you owe it to your readers to correct and update this book.
Full of information that is useful and helpful to victims. However full of too many grammatical errors. Appalling. I do not understand why these errors have not been corrected. It takes away from the book and many times made it hard to comprehend what the author was trying to say. Dr Covert you owe it to your readers to correct and update this book.
December 19, 2020
Badly needs an editor
I had never heard of a covert narcissist, and so as a first introduction, there was a lot of useful, informative and eye opening info. But there was a lot of bad writing to filter through, too. Really bad. The author confuses matter effect for matter of fact, for just one example.
I had never heard of a covert narcissist, and so as a first introduction, there was a lot of useful, informative and eye opening info. But there was a lot of bad writing to filter through, too. Really bad. The author confuses matter effect for matter of fact, for just one example.
April 27, 2024
If you're curious about covert narcissists read this
The author covers what to look for and how you can heal. It's covered in a concise way so you can read it in a couple of days if you want. For those reading, there's probably a reason you are and the author let's you know many times that you deserve love. You are the strong one.
The author covers what to look for and how you can heal. It's covered in a concise way so you can read it in a couple of days if you want. For those reading, there's probably a reason you are and the author let's you know many times that you deserve love. You are the strong one.
May 25, 2024
so glad I found this book
This book explains everything. I’m not crazy, and you’re not crazy either. As I read through it, every couple of pages I found myself saying “oh, now I understand, that’s what was happening!”. If you’re at a place where you need this book, I’m sorry, but it will help. It helped me.
This book explains everything. I’m not crazy, and you’re not crazy either. As I read through it, every couple of pages I found myself saying “oh, now I understand, that’s what was happening!”. If you’re at a place where you need this book, I’m sorry, but it will help. It helped me.
May 24, 2020
Well-written and extremely well thought out. I did not finish reading this as 10% through, I realized that it was speaking of a different type of personality than what I was seeking to delve deeper into. No fault of the author.
July 15, 2020
What is actually a helpful book with many great insights completely destroyed by a complete lack of editing and the author often using completely wrong words. You can figure out what she meant, but that shouldn't be the case. An A for effort for the content and an F for the writing and editing.
February 3, 2021
Interesting read!
This is a brilliant read for those who were and/ or are unfortunate enough who had / have to endure a covert narcissist. This teaches lightly the tools to escape from a covert narcissist and how to deal with unhealed trauma, fear, pain or anxiety.
This is a brilliant read for those who were and/ or are unfortunate enough who had / have to endure a covert narcissist. This teaches lightly the tools to escape from a covert narcissist and how to deal with unhealed trauma, fear, pain or anxiety.
December 26, 2021
Positive book
The author shares first hand knowledge of Narcissistic behavior. Great detail in what to look for and many ah-ha moments as I learned about my ex girlfriend. She may have won many battles, but I will win the war.
The author shares first hand knowledge of Narcissistic behavior. Great detail in what to look for and many ah-ha moments as I learned about my ex girlfriend. She may have won many battles, but I will win the war.
March 5, 2022
Clear and powerful explanation
Powerful. By using simple language and logic the author untangles a complex, confusing debilitating and destructive personality type. Worth every penny
Powerful. By using simple language and logic the author untangles a complex, confusing debilitating and destructive personality type. Worth every penny
July 19, 2022
Such a great resource
This book was a Godsend for me. So insightful, perfectly describing so much of my painful experience while also providing valuable realistic but encouraging advice on how to heal. Thank you, Dr. Covert. Seems you were born to write this book.
This book was a Godsend for me. So insightful, perfectly describing so much of my painful experience while also providing valuable realistic but encouraging advice on how to heal. Thank you, Dr. Covert. Seems you were born to write this book.
March 26, 2023
life changing
This book helped me see the light in what has been a very dark and depressing time in my life. A very informative book I would recommend to anyone who suspects they may be dealing with a narcissist of any kind. Plus, it’s a pretty quick read and easy to understand.
This book helped me see the light in what has been a very dark and depressing time in my life. A very informative book I would recommend to anyone who suspects they may be dealing with a narcissist of any kind. Plus, it’s a pretty quick read and easy to understand.
February 18, 2024
amazing book
My ex girlfriend gave me all of this treats I have been on depression around 2 years near to suicide but your book gave me some faith thank you so much I didn’t see the material for this topic for healing the extra steps to start asap.
My ex girlfriend gave me all of this treats I have been on depression around 2 years near to suicide but your book gave me some faith thank you so much I didn’t see the material for this topic for healing the extra steps to start asap.
March 19, 2025
Seemed to be written by someone who just spoke from personal experience with no data or clinical knowledge to back it up. Perhaps someone going through the experience of knowing someone with NPD could benefit. Also - tons of grammatical errors which were distracting.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 44 reviews