Conquer Your Critical Inner Voice: A Revolutionary Program to Counter Negative Thoughts and Live Free from Imagined Limitations

by Robert W. Firestone, Lisa Firestone, Joyce Catlett

The inner critic is the voice in our heads that whispers, whines, and needles us into poor self-esteem and self-confidence. It edits our thoughts, controls our behavior, and inhibits our actions. It thinks it is protecting us from being hurt or feeling abandoned, but all it really does is reinforce our feelings of shame and guilt, sabotage our intimate relationships, and incline us to self-destructive behaviors. Conquer Your Critical Inner Voice presents a revolutionary new strategy for dealing with the inner critic: externalizing it. This subtle, powerful technique turns internal self-criticisms into 'you' statements that can be evaluated objectively and exposed as the gross exaggerations, unfair comparisons, or flat out lies they really are. This book takes you through the step-by-step process of learning how to keep track of your negative thoughts, analyze their reality, and recognize how they impact your life. Learn to use a variety of techniques to help release your inner critic's stranglehold and combat its subversive effect on your career achievement, intimate relationships, and sexuality. A final chapter of the book offers parents simple ways to help their children avoid forming a tyrannical inner critic.

Genres: Self Help, Psychology, Nonfiction, Mental Health, Personal Development, Parenting, Health

232 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2002

Reviews

[Nick Arkesteyn · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some great stuff in here but I would add one warning to the information in this book. The techniques do no show how to integrate a critical voice...the techniques teach how to hide a voice a way.

This may cause a person to push the voice into the background and become part of their shadow as described by Jung. This ultimately separates the psych and may create a "part" as described in NLP.

That being said, the processes in this book are wonderful for objectifying the subjective nature of a critical internal voice. And of course the first step to getting over anything is to objectify it. Once you objectify something you are able to see it from a distance. This distance allows you get perspective.

Kind of like ripping the internal voice out of you, placing it in the middle of the room like an object, walking around it to see it from many angles, and finally seeing it for what it really is.

This book gets you to this point...but then teaches you to fight the voice. Depending on the nature of the voice, this may be a good thing. For instance...if the voice was originally learned from a parent that took their anger out on you...and it was discovered that the voice had no positive message for you or anything like that...just a parent being abusive...then yes. This would be a voice to fight against to some degree.

If however you discover that the voice had some type of information for you or some type of positive message that was simply poorly expressed...then integration would be better. Meaning that you take this seemingly separate "part" of you and unify it with the rest of you. This way...instead of having a separate "you" inside your mind, you would get just one "you" in there.

Remember...every part of your experience is "you". Every time you think of a person in your mind like your mother or father or whoever...that is actually a part of you. You have neurons on your head that are dedicated to those people. Kind of like a computer's hard drive space. Part of it is dedicated to representing that experience.

So if you have parts of you that you fight against inside your mind...like fighting an internal voice, or never forgiving someone or something like that...it is like taking a computer's hard drive and cutting off a section of it. When you integrate these different areas of you (because they actually only exist in "you", in your mind)...it is like getting all that hard drive space back.

So integration is better.

For more on how to better integrate I would highly recommend Transforming Negative Self-Talk from Steve Andreas. His technology with this is the best out there that you can find.

Everything in this review might not be true for you but as far as I can tell and what my experience has led me to believe...it is true for me.

[Atiyeh · Rating 5 out of 5]

Conquer Your Critical Inner Voice is a powerful exploration of the inner dialogue that shapes the way we see ourselves and the world around us. The book explains how the critical voice in our minds is often connected to past experiences, fears, and learned patterns, and how it can limit our choices, relationships, and sense of self-worth.

What I found valuable about this book is that it encourages us not to identify with this destructive inner voice, but to observe it, challenge it, and develop a more compassionate relationship with ourselves. It reminded me that many of the limitations we experience are not always based on reality, but on beliefs and messages we have internalized over time.

A thoughtful and insightful read for anyone who wants to understand their inner critic, break free from negative patterns, and create a healthier relationship with themselves.

[Scott Kinkade · Rating 5 out of 5]

An invaluable book for someone like me who has been a slave to my critical inner voice. By reading this book I learned to identify and conquer it. It will help you in all aspects of your life if you give it a chance.

[J. · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is a mix to me, a hit or miss. Sometimes I get the sense that the book is trying to be genuine in trying to get us to recognize our critical inner voices and it succeeds. However, sometimes I see that this book appeals perhaps a little too much to ones pride, a sort of reactive sense that its everyone else's fault for being who one became rather than a more proactive stance that regardless of what others may or may not have intended [or done] how will one actually work now to get themselves out of the hole they are in currently.

I must insist that the initial 3 or 4 chapters, as well as the last chapter of the book were probably the most enlightening reads. The most aversive chapter during my read is Chapter 6 which had to do with Sexuality, and while there were parts of Chapter 6 I could agree with (e.g. A Good/Healthy Understanding of Sex), I get the sense that this reviewer [who is a Practicing Catholic, and loves it] was being implicitly told that Religion is bad because of its "repressive" attitude toward sex which is an institution within the culture, the reviewer certainly feels that the Generation of the 60s was not an enlightened generation but a darkened one: Merely exchanging one extreme (i.e. Puritanism) for another extreme (i.e. Individualist Hedonism). Nonetheless, to conclude this book is a hit or miss, sometimes it is helpful sometimes it seems all about worshiping oneself rather than making authentic progress in maturity.

[Aidan · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some good ideas in here that may help some people more than others. Reading it was like pulling teeth and I had to stop and start reading it for a long time. Often times the descriptions of certain behaviors/voices were too vague and/or redundant. And at least in the copy I read from, the sections within a chapter were organized rather indistinguishably from one another. Having all the journals at the end of a chapter but having the explanations for each brought up in different parts of the chapter was really conducive for me to just not want to do the journals, at least at the time of reading.

[Ilya Mrz · Rating 3 out of 5]

We react to our interpretation not to the actual event

[Maryam · Rating 3 out of 5]

این کتاب به زبان فارسی با عنوان "صدای منتقد درونی‌ات را خاموش کن" توسط حامد بُرابادی ترجمه و بدست نشر اسبار به چاپ رسیده است.
کتاب در ۱۰ فصل نوشته شده و با تعریف و علت صداهای منتقد آغاز و با شرح تاثیر این صداهای مخرب و منفی بر شغل، روابط عاطفی و جنسی ادامه پیدا کرده است. در ادامه نقش صدای منتقد درونی در شکل گیری رفتارهای اعتیادوار و همینطور افسردگی شرح داده شده و در دو فصل پایانی، به رهنمودهایی برای والدین و رهنمودهایی برای خوب زندگی‌کردن می‌پردازد.

موضوع کتاب بسیار جالب است و خودگویه‌های منفی و منتقد ما را نشانه می‌گیرد. حتی صرفاً شناسایی این خودگویه‌ها و مشاهده نقش تاثیرگذار آن در همه جنبه‌های زندگی، تاثیر عمیقی بر شناخت ما از ذهن و طرز تفکر ما نسبت به خود واقعی و خود آرمانی می‌گذارد، همینطور ما را وادار می‌کند تا با بازنگری و درون‌نگری در روابط دوران کودکی با والدین، خود را از تسلط باورهای نادرست و غیرواقعی رها کنیم.

متاسفانه بنظر میاید تفاوت نام اصلی و نام ترجمه شده، کل کتاب را تحت تاثیر قرار داده و کتاب از شرحی بر غلبه پیدا کردن بر این حس طبیعی درونی به مبارزه‌ای خصمانه برای کشتن این صدا تبدیل شده است. همینطور در کتاب بجای گفتن اهمیت آگاهی از این ندای درونی و نحوه تبدیل آن از صدایی تخریبگر به شکلی ارزشمند و مفید، بر خاموش کردن و ساکت کردن و نشنیدن صدا تاکید بیشتری شده است. کتاب بیش از نگارش علمی به سبک کتابهای خودیاری نوشته شده و در فصل آخر که به توضیحاتی درباره معنای زندگی و راه به‌زیستی میپردازد لحن ناصحانه خود را به اوج می‌رساند.

[Madeline Anne · Rating 5 out of 5]

I found this book very helpful. I feel that I have already made functional changes in my life based on what I learned. I will definitely have to refer back to it.

[Anna · Rating 2.75 out of 5]

I thought this book had good concepts and I liked the exercises at the end of each chapter, however, it is definitely not one of the better self-help books I’ve read.
It was very repetitive, and I felt like the majority of the exercises were pretty much the same: “write what your negative inner voice says, and write what you realistically think.” A lot of the content was self explanatory and redundant. I didn’t get much personal guidance from it in general. Several chapters didn’t pertain to me either. There was a chapter on parenting (I don’t have kids) and a chapter on addiction (I don’t suffer from it). But I realize a lot of people could fall in these categories and benefit from those chapters. Overall it was a good read but I was ready to be done with the repetition and dullness.

[Joel Atella · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book changed my life. Highly recommend.

[wulvz · Rating 3 out of 5]

I’d refer to Nicks review because it summarizes my qualms with this book perfectly.

I think it was helpful nonetheless, and a good start to aiding me in getting back on a more positive/optimistic outlook on life. The chapter on depression, and the chapter on addiction were particularly helpful in the realm of self reflection (Jesus).

Sometimes self help it is hard to find the point, or the advice, this book often repeatedly feels like “bad thoughts are bad shut them out” and as Nick states in his review, I feel like learning to integrate that critical voice may be more effective in the long run.

Nonetheless, this is a WORKBOOK. If you don’t intend to do use it as such, I think it will not be nearly as helpful as it can if you are to flesh out the exercises. It helped me reevaluate myself, my relationship, my standing in my relationship, my depressive/negative patterns, and patterns of addiction in a very direct way.

Overall 3/5, it was tough to chew through, but I benefited from it through out.

[Paul Beaulieu · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book will appeal to dualistically-minded simpletons by hammering it into their heads (ad nauseum) that our psyches are composed of two factions at war with each other: an evil "critical inner voice" which wants to undermine and destroy us at every opportunity, and a fluffy, rosy "real me" that is all innocent and all good and just wants the chance to follow his hopes and dreams. This creates a simplistic, self-righteous mindset where one is a victim struggling to free oneself from the evil inner voice. The distinction that Firestone makes between "critical inner voice" (bad) and "conscience" (good) is unconvincing since these two things are closely related.

There is also a pronounced "anti-parent" theme, once again appealing to the those looking to be victims.

[Khachatur · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is one of those that you will definitely need time to read through and absorb as if you were on a therapy course.

It includes practice exercises after every chapter that also helps understanding better your critical inner voice and its influence on your life and being.

For me personally some chapters were more engaging and relevant than others, and I think that will vary from person to person. Nevertheless I highly suggest reading the last chapter.

And the quote that made me think from this book would be
“… to be fully alive means opening yourself up to all dimensions of life - sadness as well as joy, and pain as well as pleasure. It also involves committing yourself to a search for personal meaning and transcendent goals - of which happiness is a byproduct.”

[Dancce · Rating 2 out of 5]

Sorry not sorry, I think this one is simply too outdated. I know it wasn’t the author’s intention, but the contents really do come across like all introverts and ND’s are damaged goods. It’s like the book doesn’t take into account that people also naturally have different temperaments. The end result sounds like the author is inadvertently promoting just one kind of behavior as the “right and healthy one.” For a book about the inner critic, parts of it sound incredibly judgmental.

[Erin McIntosh · Rating 5 out of 5]

I can count on one hand the number of self-help books that have deeply impacted me, and this is one of them! I can't think of one person who wouldn't benefit from this. It is incredibly empowering. Highly recommend!

[Nicole · Rating 2 out of 5]

The book was okay. There were some informative sections, as well as some sections that are out-of-date.

[Marthad · Rating 5 out of 5]

‏كتاب مذهل وعلمي وعملي

[Christine · Rating 4 out of 5]

The information that was presented in this book was redundant with new concepts that I’d never heard of. I liked the book but found myself bored and pushing through it. Very insightful though!

[Devin Rembold · Rating 1 out of 5]

Couldn’t finish, the material seems pretty antiquated. ReVoLuTiOnAry is quite an overstatement imo

[Venneh · Rating 4 out of 5]

The title is a bit overly involved and the book also broadly assumes you're coming into this without therapy, but honestly, this is a good book to read through to become more aware of how internal self critical voices are formed and how they can affect you in unexpected ways, and how to start to work to undo them.

[Mel Foster · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book does a great service in emphasizing that often 'our critical inner voice" is what is really holding us back, not other people, not our circumstances, not our inability. It also is valuable in helping readers consider how our own fears and actions alter the actions and personalities of those around us, especially our partner, our children, and those we care about most. If you want to live and love more deeply, there are some good things to consider here. It is divided into short convenient units so that you can immediately focus in on an area of particular concern in your life.

I wish the authors had been a bit more circumspect in segregating their own assertions of reality from the science. References to science and studies are completely absent. Examples of anecdotal value are given from their own counseling experience, which is useful, but this is not the same. There are also times when the Firestones' own dogma is unilaterally asserted--in the discussion of the spiritual for instance, "We can come to understand that there are no absolute "truths" to be discovered."

[Svava Brooks · Rating 4 out of 5]

Valuable and insightful on how the critical voice shows up in our lives and impacts everything we do until we gain awareness and tools to change it. Also made me feel a sense of relieve that I am not the only one with this critical voice.

I highly recommend it to anyone on self help journey, looking for a workbook that not only educates but also provides a step by step process to make long lasting changes.

[Donovan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Excellent workbook for dilving into the hidden unconsciousness