law professor Nat Greco, who feels like "an A cup in a DD world" (paraphrased, first line of book) has like 4 people in her class and they never do the reading because they'd rather IM instead (really is 2007). so she does weird shit to get their attention like staging Merchant in Venice as a play in a prestigious school with the big dean guy watching over them like they're in a high school classroom. it didn't go down real well, because... well, of course, it didn't but she really needs tenure, ok?? so she wants to do something more impressive than just wearing some kid's black hat and drawing moustaches with her eyeliner.
so she decides to visit a prison with this hotshot sexy guy named Angus Holt that also works there. he runs a clinic that helps the inmates or whatever. she goes with him because bitch would do anything to get tenure. it's a tough world out there and job prospects are hard. so prison without telling anyone in her life that she's just gonna pop down to the local Chester Country. oops. lol
the prisoners are your average dude bros that say disgusting ass shit, but it's important to note that Scottoline wanted to make sure that we know they are diverse "all kinds of races, types, tattoos and glasses" (anyone can be a criminal if they put their mind to it!). Nat tries to do her class, which involves her talking about the Merchant of Venice, to a bunch of prisoners, so that she can try to make a point about law and justice, which i kind of liked in the story i won't lie but then - GASP! an unexpected perfectly staged riot breaks out. this riot is a diversion so some guys could get the drop on a correctional officer who knows about them trying to get a prisoner out (some drug lord or something).
some guy named Beaufort (who had nothing to do with the riot) grabs Nat and sexually assaults her (because that was totally needed in the story? why?) and she manages to be saved by sexy ponytail guy Angus, with his flaming sweater. then she heads out and just happens to stumble across where a separate murder had already happened. she leans down to the guy, does moderately okay first aid and hears him say his last words:
"it's under the floor."
ok so she's questioned about it and goes home to her boyfriend Hank, who has about as much interest in her life as an 95-year-old dying man on a wheelchair has in some toddler's day. he interjects his opinions. we also meet Nat's family somewhere in between this and find out that she's the only girl and her brothers and father are those muscular muscle mans that like football and beer and pizza or some shit. they're all around American boys... no, really.
Nat has like a million brothers, but the one that keeps being mentioned is Paul, who is coddled by his mother because he was born premature, even though he's the most fucking annoying character to ever exist because he's constantly shouting and talking about football. and that's his whole personality is being a shithead and everyone just tolerating it?? anyway, it's not important because the rest of the family are shit too, but more on that later.
Nat goes back to work and they cancel the program. Angus is outraged because he was "really helping people!!" even though there was a planned murder that HE was a part of (also more on that later). they have unbelievable sexual tension and Nat goes home and finds a message threatening her not to go into Chester County. so...
she decides to go back to the prison where she had seen a guy die and got sexually assaulted at, because... the plot needed her to, pretty much. but she felt less scared than last time!
wow, does this bitch need therapy.
she tries to get in contact with the dead correctional officer's wife (Barbara) so she can tell her about her husband's cryptical last dying words, but it just doesn't happen for a few days. you know how it is, scheduling things. people always cancel their plans. a bulgulary comes up. you have wet dreams about your colleague. that sort of thing. anyway, they search around the house and find: nothing, except wills and a porn stash.
deflated, Nat leaves and then gets pulled over by a cop for speeding. she steps out and then the cop is shot by another dude? and then she decides to run away because the guy said 'run, bitch, run'? ok, i probably would too if someone was pointing a gun at me after shouting someone.
said guy is part of a conspiracy to help break out the prisoner drug felon that Angus and another two officers at the prisoner is aware of pretty much. but coincidentally, he also stashes money and oxy's or some shit into her car even though it's never explained how he did this shit? because he had nothing with him except a gun and he didn't have a vehicle? oh, what. and the trooper dies in an 80s slasher movie sort of way, getting shot in the head and his head exploding blood lol.
ok ok and then she runs off and then decides to come back and is arrested? she's framed, obviously, we know. so her daddy sends her a lawyer to help her out. and she rejects this lawyer now, because she has an epiphany that nothing in her life is the way that she wants it to be because she has always done what her parents wanted?? even though she's literally being accused of murder now and is not the time to decide not to accept help from your rich daddy???
instead, she just goes on the run pretty much after they find more planted evidence against her... because?? it was hot and sexy and Scottoline wanted her to have her own arc without really like... putting in the work? she goes from a shy law professor that's scared to go to a prison and see actual mates to a fucking runaway bandit that can do car cashes and steal shit and break into places and just tail people whilst evading the law? even though she does stupid shit all the time, like coming back to scnees of crimes that was abandoned? deux ex machina, where are you?
but then Paul nearly dies and she goes back and decides: yea, that's enough for me. and also, yea, i don't get to make my own decisions, but family first?? because her annoying ass brother nearly died. and then after nearly dying, Paul... stays the exact same way. in between, she has a dude she was with that she breaks up with but it's not really important. it's part of her "finding herself" but... it doesn't actually end up with any real conclusion. there's no confrontation with her and the way her family treats her. or the stuff she found out about herself. oh no. nothing like that.
so she finally does figure out the plot. it was simple and not at all convoluted.
so that they were using the construction the prison was going under to build a tunnel (with whose money, bitch? and how did you create a tunnel without nobody else knowing?? and if you had that much money to help break out this prisoner, why didn't you just get him a lawyer to get him off? we know that there are those kinds of lawyers out there. and after he's free, where was he supposed to go? everyone would know he broke out?? what's the plan then? whatever.)
the officers and the prisoner involved decided to loop in sexy ponytail blonde guy (who, during the time of her escapade and car cashes she fucked, because of course) into the story. this guy has also been threatened by them and has been hit by a car and has spent some time in the hospital cause of them. but then he agrees to go back to 'help them' with getting rid of her? but decides he's too in love, so he just fucks her instead. so that he can get 3 million dollars that he thinks is "ok, illegal but still just" (that was his explanation for it) and she was like "uh... no? people died for that? what are you talking about?"
the reason she discovered this plot is because of what the correctional officer said, that 'it's under the floor' so she figured the tunnel was underground. but then the wasn't what he was saying? he actually meant that 'it's under the four' (yea, seriously), he had a stone that he painted four in his yard??? lol where he hid his evidence and love plan to his wife (um, why did he just not do something about the evidence before? why this dumb shit?). but he also had a floor in his home with wills and videos and their private shit? so her figuring out the plot because of what he said... kind of doesn't make any sense? it's a coincidence. just like everything else??
ok i'll stop now because the space time continnum breaks when you try to understand why Holt brought Nat along to the prison on the day where he STAGED A RIOT AND MURDER... but pretty fun read. ridiculous story. sexy ponytail guy. 2.5 stars. can't wait to read more.
(can't wait for Freida's Dear Debbie to debut on the 27th of January. i know i'm gonna fucking hate it.)