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Incompetence

Rob Grant

3.80 · Rating details · 1,464 ratings · 108 reviews

Bad is the new good. In the not too distant future the European Union enacts its most far reaching human rights legislation ever. The incompetent have been persecuted for too long. After all it's not their fault they can't do it right, is it? So it is made illegal to sack or otherwise discriminate against anyone for being incompetent. And now a murder has been committed an ...more

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Paperback, 291 pages

Published 2004 by Gollancz (first published 2003)

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Dec 17, 2007 Jon rated it liked it · review of another edition

Recommends it for: lovers of satire, Red Dwarf fans

Incompetence begins fabulously, and I'm not just talking about the first page, or even sentence. Take a close look at the cover: notice the misplaced "e"? That's what caught my eye at the bookstore, and having never before heard of Rob Grant, I bought the book based solely on the strength of that cover alone. "Surely," I thought, "anyone who can purposely misspell the word 'incompetence' on the cover of a novel is a writer to be dealt with." In many ways I was right, but in many ways I think thi Incompetence begins fabulously, and I'm not just talking about the first page, or even sentence. Take a close look at the cover: notice the misplaced "e"? That's what caught my eye at the bookstore, and having never before heard of Rob Grant, I bought the book based solely on the strength of that cover alone. "Surely," I thought, "anyone who can purposely misspell the word 'incompetence' on the cover of a novel is a writer to be dealt with." In many ways I was right, but in many ways I think this novel fails.

First, let me set the stage. Incompetence is set in the not-too-far-off future, where a new European law has made it illegal to fire anyone for, well, being incompetent. The result is absolute chaos: businesses and government offices everywhere are suddenly overrun with idiots who can't--or perhaps just won't--do their jobs. And there's nothing anyone can do about it. Incompetence is political correctness taken to its satirical extreme, a slippery slope of such blatant logical fallaciousness to make Jonathan Swift blush.

So why do I think the novel fails? Let me go about explaining this by giving you the first sentence of the first chapter (I think I'm allowed to do this in a public forum, anyway): "The flight was uneventful enough, except the pilot accidentally touched down at a slightly wrong airport and forgot to lower the landing gear, so we left the plane by way of the emergency chute, and I lost my shoes." Fabulous first sentence, right? It does everything a first sentence should do: catch your attention and drag you in, making you want to read more. In terms of first sentences, this one's a killer. In fact, every sentence in the book is just like this one.

So why did I only give this book three stars? Well, let me repeat the last few words of the previous paragraph by way of explanation, placing slightly different emphasis: every sentence in the book is just like this one. Every sentence is a punchline. If that still sounds fun, imagine reading 5,000 punchlines in a row. On the sentence level, this book works fantastically, and there are paragraphs that I thought brilliant and read aloud to my wife. On the chapter level, however, it got old--fast. Like speed-reading through a Primary School joke book. A plot can only sustain so much humor and craziness; it needs something concrete and level-headed to anchor itself, and to throw the comedy into relief--even if that only appears in the descriptions of things like desks and houses and trains. Incompetence lacks this breath of sanity.

In addition, every conversation in the novel is rife with incompetence, stupidity, and bad judgment; the main character is about the only person in the book to show any inkling of intelligence. My "willing suspension of disbelief" can only go so far, and painting 99% of the human race as sheer idiots--even satirically--is too far of a stretch for me.

I also have a problem with the book's ending, but I'll save those comments so as not to spoil it for anyone.

Would I recommend this book to anyone? Yes, of course I would; I still gave it three stars out of five. It's a good book, in many ways: generally fun to read, absolutely hilarious in parts, thought-provoking in its satire, and intelligent. More than likely you'll enjoy reading it--some of you might find it hilarious, and add it to your list of "favorite books of all time."

For me, however, it was just too much. Like having 5,000 cream pies thrown in my face in rapid succession. ...more

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Apr 08, 2012 Hobby rated it it was amazing

Probably the most sarcastic book I've ever read. Could not stop laughing. ...more

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Nov 20, 2010 Rumi rated it did not like it · review of another edition

I've been keeping this book on my "currently-reading" shelf forever because I wanted to give it a worthy review, with examples of all the things that led me to believe that this is the worst book I've ever read.

What a shame that a good idea can turn out mediocre because someone didn't have the patience to work on it properly. I've noticed that a lot with books and movies recently. I was so eager to read this book after I saw it in the bookstore. I expected something splendidly satiric from it, b ...more

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Mar 06, 2019 Angus McKeogh rated it it was ok

I actually started this book a while back and never added it to my “Currently Reading” list because frankly I was afraid I wouldn’t finish it. It was a slog. Coming from one of the Red Dwarf authors I was expecting brilliance. Brilliance it is not. I churned along through 3 or 4 minute chapters until I reached the end. There were a few chuckles but the whole concept just got tedious and superfluous. About as close to one-star as it’s possible to get without reaching that level. As I said, there ...more

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Nov 01, 2020 Derelict Space Sheep rated it liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: humour, detective

This must have made for a good pitch—a hardboiled detective story set in a society where incompetence is protected by law—but Grant would have done well to keep the first-person narrative straight and let the inherent humour speak for itself.

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Apr 28, 2009 Martin rated it it was ok

Recommends it for: People who get sarcasm (i.e. not Americans)

The author obviously has a flair for writing. Unfortunately this flair may be limited to haiku, as on or about the eighth line I started to get sever pain in the front right lobe of my brain: This is the first time I have ever experienced deja vu as other than an existential event.

The first chapter was tough going. The author has a particular style and likes to hammer it home paragraph after paragraph remorselessly. Things got better for me further in, but I think this was a combination of my ac ...more

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May 14, 2009 Thomas Jancis rated it liked it

Recommends it for: People who want a fun read.

Recommended to Thomas by: Foggy

This, according to a friend, was the funniest book he had ever read. He had been looking for it for years. As we walked away from the shop, he was chortling away as he read.
It was funny but the world’s best? I guess it must be more about the time he read it.
Nothing really “happens” in this book. The love interest just “is” and appears in one scene. The great mystery of the killer is kind of obvious.
But you’re not reading this for the biting plot. You’re reading it for the setups and moments of h ...more

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Jul 24, 2011 Adam Whitehead rated it really liked it

In the all-to-near future, the European Union is well on its way to becoming a single federalised state. Unfortunately, due to the passing of Article 13199 of the Pan-European Constitution ("No person shall be prejudiced from employment in any capacity, at any level, by reason of age, race, creed or incompitence,"), the continent is grinding to a halt. One detective is assigned to track down a dangerous killer, but finds his investigation complicated by blind nightclub bouncers, octogenarian mal In the all-to-near future, the European Union is well on its way to becoming a single federalised state. Unfortunately, due to the passing of Article 13199 of the Pan-European Constitution ("No person shall be prejudiced from employment in any capacity, at any level, by reason of age, race, creed or incompitence,"), the continent is grinding to a halt. One detective is assigned to track down a dangerous killer, but finds his investigation complicated by blind nightclub bouncers, octogenarian male lap-dancers, priapic train stewards and airline ticket salesmen with attention disorders.

Incompetence, originally published in 2003, was the second original novel by Rob Grant, better-known to many SF fans as the co-creator of Red Dwarf. One of Grant's favourite topics, shown sporadically in Dwarf but reaching a kind of insane art form here, is the sheer, mind-numbingly unbelievable insanity that bureaucracy is capable of. Obviously the EU, with its perchance for fining corner-shop greengrocers who sensibly refuse to use measurements its customers find incomprehensible thousands of pounds for each infringement, is a tempting and irresistible target for his humour.

The result is a book driven by the type of comedic raging fury of the kind that Basil Fawlty would have channeled should he have ever chosen to write a novel (although this would be an admittedly difficult task for a fictional character) about the European Union. Our 'hero' is on the trail of a deadly killer but the case is interrupted by every five minutes by increasingly bizarre and convoluted brushes with EU law or regulations. He hires a car, but in the interval between hiring it in the office and crossing the parking lot to where his hire-car is waiting for him, it's been clamped for being parked in the wrong place. Trying to get on a train takes 22 pages of insane, and at times life-threatening, wrangling. The police attempt to stop a runaway car but can't come up with a way of doing it effectively so end up deploying anti-tank weaponry. And so on.

It's a very, very funny book. The laughs start on the first page and don't stop until the last. And it's not even as if the author is really succeeding at making a serious point about the EU. The situations the main character finds himself in are so insanely over-the-top they will almost certainly never happen, although there's a few that do seem somewhat plausible (like the one about the old guy who is accidentally declared dead and his wife receives a fat cheque from the government, so they decide to keep up the pretense he is dead).

In addition to the non-stop comedy and satire, there are a few nice moments of understated writing as well. There's a blink-and-you-miss-it moment towards the end where our (unnamed, by the way, I haven't just forgotten what his name is) protagonist proves how competent he is, even if the rest of Europe isn't. And to be honest the main, more serious plot is never really given a lot of time to develop, due to the constant misadventures and brushes with bureaucracy along the way.

But that's not too much of a problem. Incompetence (****) is extremely funny from start to finish and constantly entertaining. The book is available now in the UK, but unsurprisingly not in the USA (possibly for fear that Americans would accept it as a serious and well-informed factual book about the EU), although Amazon.com has some import copies available.

I talked to Rob Grant at the Gollancz Autumn Party and he informed me that this book is being adapted as a stage play by a Swiss (I think) company. How on Earth they'd do the book on stage I'm not sure, but it would certainly make a superb movie or TV series at some point. ...more

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Mar 04, 2019 Jonathan Jasinski rated it it was ok

A promising premise that falls apart halfway through. It had some genuinely hilarious moments in the early stages, but somewhere around the train scene it just seems rushed, lazy, repetitive, and lackluster.

In the near future Europe in unified and it's illegal to discriminate against anyone for anything. Solid idea- it seems a bit like political hyperbole, which made me a bit wary, but it's a friggin fiction, I won't read into it and think it really represents Grant's views on the current direct A promising premise that falls apart halfway through. It had some genuinely hilarious moments in the early stages, but somewhere around the train scene it just seems rushed, lazy, repetitive, and lackluster.

In the near future Europe in unified and it's illegal to discriminate against anyone for anything. Solid idea- it seems a bit like political hyperbole, which made me a bit wary, but it's a friggin fiction, I won't read into it and think it really represents Grant's views on the current direction of the world. And it starts out with uproarious humor- it really is some of the funniest scene setting I've read.

Where it falls apart is in the second half or last third of the book- the plot is nonsense and just a vehicle for the humor, and as Grant needs to come to a finish he starts painting action scenes that just kinda suck. Our protagonist, Harry Salt (he also goes by many other names) ends up being dragged by a train, and I'm not really sure how he gets out of it. I don't really care. It just kinda dragged along here, trying for ridiculous humor and going off the rails in the process. It all culminates in this detective, Salt, discovering that a *spoiler* deep agent inside his contacts has set it all up, trying to derail unified Europe so as to aid America. It's just a terrible plot. It started off strong, it built well, but there were numerous times toward the end where I didn't quite understand how Salt ended up where he was, what clues had led him to that location. The humor feels stale by this point, it feels like Grant is no longer trying, and the whole thing whimpers to a close with an ending just completely outta the blue. Why did Klingferm stage the whole thing? Because spy reasons, deep state reasons, that sorta nonsense. It makes no sense based on the preceding pages.

Just kinda a waste of solid satirical humor. My favorite part is towards the end, where the lackey leading Salt to Klingferm takes him into a cable car so they can get to Klingferm on Magic Mountain (at this point Grant's just throwing crap at the wall and seeing what sticks). The lackey has a knife, but somehow Salt takes it from him and kills him. There's no explanation as to how, it just happens. It's tough to follow and just awful writing- like, what? How'd he do that? "Stinko followed me in, turned to shut the door, I killed him, then the cable car started..". Just awful.

Great first half, very fun, and very engaging, but halfway through you realize Grant has no master plan for the plot and it all quickly falls apart. The humor is gone, replaced by boring ridiculous situations, and there is no satisfying conclusion. ...more

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Jul 09, 2019 Mike Allen rated it really liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: sci-fi, verified

This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here. I recently re-read this book for the first time since buying it over 10 years ago. I enjoyed it then, but the first thing that struck me this time around—post-Brexit—is how anti the European Union (EU) this book is. In the book, it is referred to as the United States of Europe, or the US of E. There are numerous references to its excessive bureaucracy, manifested in the form of unnecessary, ridiculous or just plain daft regulations and laws. At times, the book reads like a typically xenophobic D ...more

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Jun 19, 2015 Matthew rated it liked it

Incompetence is a comedy noir-esque novel by Rob Grant, best known for his work as one half of Grant Naylor, the writers of Red Dwarf. Set in the near future where United States of Europe Article 13199 has banned basing hiring and firing practices on a person's competence level, Harry Salt - deep undercover agent for an British/European intelligence agency - has to unravel the mysterious death of fellow cell member Klingferm, committed by the anonymous and dangerous Jack Appleseed.

If that sounds Incompetence is a comedy noir-esque novel by Rob Grant, best known for his work as one half of Grant Naylor, the writers of Red Dwarf. Set in the near future where United States of Europe Article 13199 has banned basing hiring and firing practices on a person's competence level, Harry Salt - deep undercover agent for an British/European intelligence agency - has to unravel the mysterious death of fellow cell member Klingferm, committed by the anonymous and dangerous Jack Appleseed.

If that sounds a bit heavy going for a comedy novel, there is no need to fret: 'Incompetence' doesn't let things like an international race to find a cold-blooded murderer before he kills again get in the way of hilarious multi-chapter rants against easy targets like airport security, train timetables, and hotel service.

This results in a slightly disjoint feeling, as the plot-humour balance is left completely out of whack. For example, somewhere around the book's last 20 pages, Grant realises that he's managed to avoid telling an actual story and has to rush the exposition in less space than he spends describing the humiliations Harry undergoes on a train journey.

Incompetence is a theme, with the running gag that competent people are stuck in low grade positions such has sergeant or intern professor, while psychopaths and the truly stupid are elevated to the upper echelons. Possibly Grant had heard of the Dilbert principle, which describes this sort of career advancement precisely, where nature takes the least productive members of the workforce and places them away from the useful people - higher up in the pecking order, but out of the way nonetheless. This is an overly pessimistic view, but I'm sure everyone has had that 'one boss' whose position escaped all reason and common sense, so the sentiment will ring somewhat true.

The story is told in the first person by the protagonist, a largely frustrated 'big man' detective-spy who takes enough physical punishment throughout the novel to last several lifetimes. He is incredibly bad at keeping track of his shoes, and simultaneously has the best and worst luck of anyone alive.

Fond of metaphor and similie, Harry peppers much of his inner thoughts with Red Dwarf-esque random comparisons, such as describing the room afforded by airlines for hand luggage to have 'the same cubic capacity as a stingily filled beef sandwich with the crusts cut off'.

This feels a bit weird, for a couple of reasons: First: Harry (or Grant, rather) is not fond of using clichés, so every metaphor is a bizarre, never-before-heard moment of confusion for the reader. Secondly: Because this style of writing is so Grant Naylor, it's hard to escape the mental image of Red Dwarf's Rimmer rattling off one of his similarly-worded non-standard metaphors. This isn't a problem, but people familiar with the boys from the Dwarf will definitely recognise the style.

Using Harry as a mouthpiece for rants happens throughout the novel. A lot. I already mentioned the plot is largely pointless, and it's because of Grant's tendancy to focus on a strictly plot-unrelated elements for chapters at a time. There is a storyline in there, but the book is largely about picking on bueraucracy and making sure Harry is having a bad time for the reader's pleasure, or both. One chapter is devoted to an argument between Harry and a stationmaster at an out-of-place train station. While hilarious, there's absolutely no point behind it. In the end, when the plot is thrown at you, it's hard to care.

The revelations are equal parts obvious and obtuse: A particularly gifted and well-read reader might have been able to piece together some of the subtleties of the utterly irrelevent plot before the reveals, but the major elements are so heavily hinted at it makes me wonder if Grant titled the book after the kind of people he thought would be reading it.

Harry isn't the only character in this competency-challenged world. Other characters include hothead police captain called Zuccho, prone to fits of violence and extreme rage, Gina Pallister, whose role in the novel extends purely to being the only attractive person that Harry meets, and an elderly couple where the husband is legally dead and the wife collects related cheques. None of these characters really matter, because they won't appear again in any important capacity. In Gina's case, she provides the novel's saucy bits and promptly doesn't show up again. The elderly couple are an amusing side story. Zuccho actually does show up again, but for no real reason other than the fact it saves Grant from writing another one-use character.

I tried hard to like 'Incompetence'. It's not a bad novel. The writing works, and everything is well described with a great sense of humour. I'm not sure it's my sense of humour, but I still found plenty of laugh out loud moments whenever Harry had to bash his head against the nightmare of red tape. My major problems with the book were the whole 'lack of a story' thing, and the ridiculous amount of time spent on certain scenes at the expense of the plot. The novel only decides it's actually a proper noir right near the end, and the tone change is noticeable and unpleasant, with the humour evaporating almost entirely, giving the impression Grant wanted to write two books but only had the advance for one.

If you're a Red Dwarf fan, or hate red tape with a fiery passion, Incompetence is probably the novel for you! If you want an actual plot, or characters to care about, you could do better, but maybe the humour can keep you going in their place. ...more

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Jun 15, 2017 Geoff Battle rated it liked it

Incompetence is full of great humour, witty one liners and amusing thoughts. Rob Grant has a unique and old school sense of humour, which is undeniably English to the core. Incompetence is a great showcase for Grant, unleashing his style in a futuristic Europe, where stupidity is norm. Incompetence fails in the long term though. Despite the persistent humour, the actual story is rather mundane, through to a rather routine finale. With a better structure this book could have been great, however a ...more

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Feb 11, 2019 Petri Saarela rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

Shelves: humor, dystopia, detective

I read Incompetence first around 15 years ago and remember loving it to bits. The idea of a detective story in a world where stupidity, irresponsibility, incompetence and lack of common sense are the prevalent attributes of humanity was awesome, and in my youthful, naive belief in the future of mankind I thought the story was just an awesome cynical rant and satire.

Now, I relate to Harry and his struggles in a much different way. It's not alternate reality if we're actually living it. Incompeten ...more

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May 03, 2019 Peter rated it liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: crime-and-thrillers, fantasy-and-science-fiction

As crime thrillers go this is not good. For comedy and predicting the future... SPOT ON!
Set in a future wherethe european directives state that "anyone regardless of their ability or disability can have a job. This involves waiters with torrets, a ticket clerk at the airport with attention defecit disorder and on it goes.

Just imagine a very OCD person committing the perfect crime :)

A fun read but a bit repetitve hence the three stars.

Nearly made it five stars having been set in a EU where speak ...more

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Sep 30, 2020 David Day rated it really liked it · review of another edition

Well, firstly, is this a good book? Yes...very mature authorship: fine writing and colourful scene-setting.

Rob Grant combines a deep-seated annoyance of modern life, with a journey through how a United Europe may look, to a rip-roaring, hi-octane mission of a detective/spy named Harry.

One minor criticism: the section where Harry tries to catch the train, goes on and on. ‘Longueur’ as the French would say!

However, in the round, most enjoyable and well recommended - a weaving raconteur; another ...more

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Dec 30, 2019 Malcolm Frawley rated it liked it

Not a Red Dwarf novel but packed with the humour Grant (& Doug Naylor) have made their own. We begin in a world where people are imprisoned for selling bananas that are too yellow & planes that miraculously arrive at the right airport somehow forget to lower their landing gear; a place where things are always expected to go wrong, bigly. It becomes a crime thriller, of sorts, & includes action set pieces & bizarre characters, all wrapped inside that trademark humour. A most enjoyable Xmas read.

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Jun 19, 2019 Antony White rated it liked it

A fun adventure of a book. However there are times where parts drag and I felt that I got the point and wanted the narrative to move on. To begin with the protagonist was relatable in an exaggerated way with dry humour. However the last quarter of the book makes for frustrating reading. I enjoyed it but felt like there were parts that should have wrapped up quicker.

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May 19, 2020 Nik von Schulmann rated it did not like it

It's not often I dislike a book this much and actually finish it. However, the writing style was at least readable. The premise and situations were just plain annoying. None of the characters had any depth or relatability and the the plot was almost non-existent. What little plot there was, was predictable. I had found this book on the back of a shelf in my home and have no idea how it got there. ...more

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May 19, 2019 Russ Morgan rated it liked it

This is the second book of Rob Grant I read, similar to Colony the book started of fast paced and intriguing. The second half seemed to slow down and stop abruptly. I did still enjoy the overall concept.

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Oct 07, 2020 Pandalf rated it liked it

Pretty funny easy read at the beginning, but by the end of the book it gets repetitive and to be honest, kind of lazy. It was an interesting find, but did not deliver on what I was expecting with first few chapters.

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Feb 07, 2018 Cristina rated it it was amazing

One of my favourite books.

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Jul 28, 2018 Claire Burns rated it did not like it

Sarcastic but not my kind of book.

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Aug 27, 2018 Jessica rated it it was ok

A fun book if you want a light read, but for all that set up, there's no satisfying climax. ...more

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Oct 18, 2018 Martin Hall rated it it was amazing

Really enjoyed the style of writing, not to everyone's taste, it's more about the journeying and the bits in-between that I found most interesting, nice details and unusual subject matter. ...more

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Nov 22, 2018 Arieh Offman rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

Funny AF

Rob Grant's Incompetence is great. Red Dwarf brought me here, but this book will keep me looking for more of his particular brand of wit. ...more

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Jan 03, 2019 Elwood Fitton rated it really liked it

A bit ridiculous at times, but no book has made me laugh so freely. If you are looking for something a bit melodramatic, cynical but deeply amusing then this is it.

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Oct 30, 2020 Gavin rated it really liked it

Shelves: comedy

Really enjoyed this one, sadly the last chapters were a let down and felt rushed

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Dec 10, 2020 Jim Richardson rated it did not like it

Promising start then it just turned into the most boring book I've read this year ...more

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Apr 24, 2013 David Jones rated it liked it

Shelves: read-and-reviewed

This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here. Review from http://dwjjones1.blogspot.co.uk

Harry is an deep cover agent for Europol dealing with security issues and possible international incidents. These occur almost on a minute by minute basis Europe is now one entity (The United states of Europe,) and is now tolerant of incompetence, and where everyday farce is almost mandatory.

Harry uses a number of different identities, including Harry Salt, Cardow Vasuler and Harry Tequila and communicates with other Europol agents via the medium of th Review from http://dwjjones1.blogspot.co.uk

Harry is an deep cover agent for Europol dealing with security issues and possible international incidents. These occur almost on a minute by minute basis Europe is now one entity (The United states of Europe,) and is now tolerant of incompetence, and where everyday farce is almost mandatory.

Harry uses a number of different identities, including Harry Salt, Cardow Vasuler and Harry Tequila and communicates with other Europol agents via the medium of the personal ads section of various magazines. One of his contacts, Klingferm, has summoned him to Rome, however, before they can meet Klingferm is murdered.

As Harry starts to investigate it’s clear that someone is committing a series of high profile murders designed to look like accidents. Following the trail, Harry travels to Paris and then onto Vienna, moving from one mishap to another, trailed by an Italian cop with anger management issues and hampered by a society that basks in incompetence, on the trail of a killer who seems anything but incompetent.

This is a weird novel, It's an old school Noir novel wrapped in a futuristic comedy setting. To be honest the book is ropy in most places as it seems to be very shallow and just lumbers from one gag to another. These gags while funny are not held closely enough together by the plot and the character development leaves alot to be desired, especially from a writer that gave us Lister, Rimmer, The Cat and Kryten. The characters are too two dimensional and almost like a characterful of themselves. From the angry Italian police officer to the overly sexual French girl it plays on stereotypes and the good bits of the novel are outweighed by the bad for the most part.

It's an ok read if you like that sort of thing but personally if your looking for a humor filled Noir style book I would recommend Only Forward by Michael Marshall Smith over this.
4.5 out of 10

I might hold on to this book though as the way the EU is going it might become a guideline for the future.

Peace

Deejay ...more

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Jul 26, 2010 Robert rated it liked it

Shelves: dystopia

Incompetence is a book that loves to rant. In fact, it is about 85% rant, and 15% plot. Which makes it a bit difficult to review without giving too much plot away. In a nutshell, the story is set in a near future where the EU and political correctness have led to discrimination based on competence being abolished. The result? A society where the vast majority of things don't quite work, and most people are annoying nincompoops. In the middle of all this, a kind of super secret agent is following ...more

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“Rome was buzzing. Quite literally. Absolutely everyone had a mobile phone, and absolutely everybody was calling absolutely everybody else absolutely all the time. I wondered if there were some law making them compulsory. Frighteningly, it's possible, these days. I swear I saw a street beggar stop and take a call on his cellular. I even heard a trill from a baby carriage, but it turned out to be a toy mobile phone. They start dickhead training early in Italy.” — 4 likes

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