Be My Guest: Reflections on Food, Community and the Meaning of Generosity

by Priya Basil

A meditation on the meaning and limits of hospitality today, from the shortlisted author of the Commonwealth Writers' Prize.

The dinner table, among friends, is where the best conversations take place⁠—talk about the world, religion, politics, culture and cooking. In the same way, Be My Guest is a conversation about all those things, mediated through the medium of shared food.

We live in a world where some have too much and others not enough, where immigrants and refugees are both welcomed and vilified, and where most of us spend less and less time cooking and eating together. Priya Basil invites us to explore the meaning and limits of hospitality today, and in doing so makes a passionate plea for a kinder, more welcoming realization that we have more in common than divides us.

"An intimate, delicious and thought-provoking story, told with warmth, humour and generosity." ⁠—NIGEL SLATER

"The subject of food and its many-threaded associations⁠—of generosity and privation, sharing and hoarding, diversity and denial, pleasure and fear⁠—is the starting point for this absorbing meditation on the interface of self with other in contemporary Europe. Priya Basil writes with honesty, clarity and wit about what it means to be hospitable in a culture of selfishness, and the problems and possibilities of commonality." ⁠—RACHEL CUSK

Genres: Nonfiction, Food, Memoir, Essays, Philosophy, Audiobook, Cooking

128 pages, Hardcover

First published March 11, 2019

About the author

Priya grew up in Kenya, returning to the UK to study English Literature at the University of Bristol. She had a career in advertising before becoming a full time writer. In 2010 Priya, and the journalist Matthias Fredrich-Auf der Horst, initiated Authors for Peace. It is intended to be a platform from which writers can actively use literature in different ways to promote peace. The first event by Authors for Peace took place on 21 September 2010, the UN's International Day of Peace. With the support of the International Literature Festival Berlin, Priya hosted a 24hour-live-online-reading by 80 authors from all over the world. The authors read from their work in a gesture of solidarity with those who are oppressed or caught in conflict. Priya lives in London and Berlin.

Reviews

[Olive Fellows (abookolive) · Rating 4 out of 5]

I talk about this book in a special Booktube video I did: a literary dinner party, held virtually! 🍽🍷

[Djali · Rating 2 out of 5]

Mi aspettavo qualcosa di totalmente diverso, come il titolo lascia intendere. Ciononostante, una lettura godibile; qualche frase a effetto che riesce a colpire veramente ma nel complesso non più di due stelle (due e mezzo volendo essere generosi???) che mi sembrano già sufficienti.

[Rebecca · Rating 4 out of 5]

At just under 120 pages, this is an extended essay whose overarching theme of hospitality stretches into so many different topics you have to marvel at how Basil keeps it all together. Part of an Indian family that lived in Kenya until bankruptcy sent them back to England, she is used to a culture of culinary abundance, of freezers full of leftovers of rich, flavorful food. Greed, especially for food, feels like her natural state, the author acknowledges. Yet living in Berlin, with the German husband it took her parents years to accept, has given her a greater awareness of the plight of the Other – of the hundreds of thousands of refugees who have entered the EU and the prejudice and hostility they are often met with. The Sikhism she grew up in teaches unconditional generosity to strangers, as represented by the free meal that follows every temple service. She asks herself, and readers, how this might inspire a spirit of hospitality and financial generosity. Clearly written and thought-provoking. (And it’s in Mrs Eaves, one of my favorite fonts.)

[Zoe · Rating 4 out of 5]

Eloquent, pensive, and rich!

Be My Guest is a beautifully written, candid story by Basil that explores the power of being hospitable and the diverse customs and traditions that people use around the world to invite, include, accept, nourish, and share with others.

The writing is informative and moving. And the novel is a generous, welcoming tale that delves into the true meaning of hospitality and emphasizes that the dinner table should not only be a place for nourishment but a place for unification regardless of political ideologies, religion, skin colour, or socioeconomic status.

Overall, I would have to say that Be My Guest is, ultimately, a genuine, impassioned, humourous reminder that breaking bread with family, friends, strangers, and even the diverse community at large is not only good for the body and mind but also a conscientious, important salve for the heart and soul.

Thank you to Publishers Group Canada for providing me with a copy in exchange for an honest review.

[Julie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Priya Basil begins her book by writing about the ultimate host/guest experience. "Mothers, of course, host us as no one else can - in their bodies. A nine-month gestation. Guest-ation?"

I loved learning about how Priya's mother gives her a gift of kadhi whenever she visits. "Each bite holds the flavor of the past and the present, a lifetime of my mother's love, her unstinting hospitality."

I loved learning about the initiatives in Germany to bring refugees together through food, "cooking and eating together as a step towards fostering community." They meet together and contribute what they can to the shared meal. There is companionship even without a shared language.

My heart squeezed when Priya describes always saving a bit of food from her mum until she receives "the next lot, so that whatever happens there will always be the chance of one more Mum-cooked meal."

"Make yourself at home. One of the warmest entreaties anyone can be given." Basically, you are being invited to relax and be yourself in company.

"The food that's cooked for you is imbued with an ingredient no recipe can list, no culinary sleight of hand can substitute: hospitality."

We need food to live, "yet to be fully nourished we must also be fed by ideas, feelings, experiences." Sharing food with family and friends, or even strangers is the perfect recipe for feeding the soul as well as the body.

[Anne · Rating 4 out of 5]

Be My Guest is a lovely amalgam of all sorts of things: Basil's own love for both eating and hosting, her family background, and the meaning of hospitality in different ways. She also writes about generosity and acceptance, and nationalism and intolerance. This book itself is like a balanced dish: the different parts make for a better result once combined. For her personal anecdotes and ideas alone could not have carried this book, nor could it have been quite the same if it had only been a collection of others' ideas. Not everyone may enjoy this mix, but I certainly did.

[Paul · Rating 4 out of 5]

There are five people in my house and as come meal times it is like feeding the 5000. We eat together almost every night, and if I can drag the teenagers away from their phones, we often have conversations about all sorts of things, including politics. It is the hospitality provided over those shared dinners where long term friendships are formed.

Priya Basil has grown up in a family of food fanatics and she probably thinks that it goes way back past her grandmother. She has provided for years for her family, ensuring that all those that sit at her table struggle to get up after. This greed-gene flew in the face of her mothers aim to get her and her sister to sit and eat politely, as every time temptation loomed, she abandoned all that she had learnt, just to eat. When it comes to her mothers kadhi though, she still experiences pure greed.

Recipes are the original open source … You only need to successfully make a recipe once to feel it is your own. Make it three more times and suddenly it’s a tradition.

The etymological origins of the word hospitality are from ghosti; the word hostility also shares these same roots and Basil traces the history of food being used as a weapon against populations to starve them or force them to migrate against their will. Sadly, we are in a time where hostility seems to be on the rise and places where people once looked after each other have become places of tension.

Thankfully, this is a book that concentrates about the shared pleasures of good conversation and even better food. It is also a call to say rather than being selfish, sharing mealtimes with friends and neighbours will help people belong in that community. We can play a part in reducing the friction that seems to be growing, by becoming a generous and selfless host. A slender volume, full of wisdom and is very much worth reading.

[Emmkay · Rating 4 out of 5]

I forgot to review this when I read it in the summer, despite having enjoyed it immensely. It’s a thoughtful, beautifully written long essay on the many dimensions of hospitality. I especially enjoyed the parts about extending hospitality to refugees and the sharing of meals in Sikhism.

[Navya · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 stars

Some beautiful ideas, but kind of goes all over the place.

Also, I can't help but love the fact that the author's surname is Basil and she wrote a food memoir. This book was Foretold.

[Antonia Lonardo · Rating 4 out of 5]

Un saggio scorrevole e molto interessante che riflette sul potere del cibo che unisce e divide.
Una bella riflessione sul senso di ospitalità in senso più stretto e più ampio.

[Vanya · Rating 5 out of 5]

Priya Basil’s Be My Guest is a riveting meditation on the many dimensions of hospitality and how food can be a force that both unites and divides. Starting with the exploration of what it means to be a guest/host, she elucidates that we all play one of the roles or both at varying points in our lives. As parents, we become caregivers, which is essentially what being a host entails, while teenagers or children are 'the ultimate guest', demanding our time and attention.

This takes us to the role of mothers and their innate need to feed us. Mothers and their ability to cook food for us with an inimitable devotion is what sets their food apart from anything else that we may ever eat in our lives. It’s for this reason that lands far and unknown seem so strange and unwelcoming, we know that they can’t recreate the magic of the food our mothers prepare(d) for us. Basil also writes of the langar served in gurudwaras in Kenya and gives us a novel perspective on the seemingly “open-to-all” template that it propagates but only on paper. These are among the countless examples that the author uses to reflect on the limits of hospitality, how far-reaching or finite it can be.

In mere 120 pages, Basil probes the larger meanings of identity, race, immigration, and boundaries through the lens of food and sharing. It is a personal, and might I add, immensely enjoyable and poignant take on rituals surrounding food, made by our moms or in common halls, for one or an entire community, shared or eaten alone, the current refugee crisis, and how this world would be a greater place if we were all to host the ‘stranger’ at our home (our city, our state, our country) and exchange both food and ‘food for thought’ with them, nourishing not just our bodies but also our minds.

[Zach Strassburger · Rating 1 out of 5]

This wasn’t great. Nice idea, but would have been a much better long form magazine article. The author tried to do too much with how food and language come together, but it felt very pop-science with no actual evidence for anything. No narrative, either, just musings by the author. Blah. Amazed I finished it but it was at least blessedly short.

[Jessica Haider · Rating 4 out of 5]

Be My Guest is an often philosophical meditation on hospitality, food, and relationships. This is a long-form essay, clocking in at a little over 100 pages, so easily read in a couple of hours. In this book, Priya Basil shares some personal anecdotes of growing up as part of an Indian family in Kenya. She speaks of her mother's cooking and how her favorite dishes bring up feelings of comfort and satisfaction. She covers what hospitality means at the family level and the community level. Basil also discusses her time living in Germany and what "hospitality" means in regards to the large influx of Syrian refugees. This is a deeply thought out wandering exploration of hospitality that runs the gamut from personal to global. This is an good read for anyone interested in food, community, and social issues.

What to Listen to While Reading (or during reading breaks)
Everybody Eats When they Come to My House by Cab Calloway
Be Our Guest by Jamie Cullum
Mango Tree by Zac Brown Band
Eat at Home by Paul McCartney
Kabhi Neem Neem by Madhushree & A.R. Rahman

I received a review copy of this book from the publisher in exchange for an honest review.

[Elena · Rating 3 out of 5]

Da titolo e sottotitolo mi immaginavo qualcosa di completamente diverso, una sorta di Bignami dell'ospitalità nel tempo e nello spazio, qualcosa che mi parlasse dell'ospitante in altri tempi e culture.
In realtà si parla di mille argomenti che ruotano (a volte molto alla lontana) attorno al tema dell'ospitalità (dalle cene in famiglia alla Brexit, dall'UE al Kenya). In certi casi ho trovato che si tirasse un po'troppo la corda e pur condividendo molte delle conclusioni e tesi dell'autrice, mi sono trovata a leggere qualcosa che non era ciò che desideravo.
Credo che il titolo originale (Be my Guest) sia molto più azzeccato e avrebbe evitato fraintendimenti.

[Susan · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was not expecting to fall so much in love with this short essay-form writing. What I thought was going to be a collection of food writing, ended up being a beautiful work on love, kindness, hospitality and generosity that truly touched my heart. Learnt so much from it and gave me plenty of food for thought (pun pun pun) on living in an inclusive world.

[Sheela Lal · Rating 3 out of 5]

A mix of The Art of Gathering, immigration feelings of disconnect with a dash of Winners Take All. Not a world expanding book, but a decent reminder of the gap between what we say hospitality is and how we choose to practice it.

[Beate · Rating 3 out of 5]

I especially liked the author’s reflections on food and family. However, her opinions of charity and the EU didn’t resonate with me at all.

[Michelle McColl · Rating 3 out of 5]

It was interesting to hear her version of hospitality, but once she headed towards politics it lost it's shine. Nice to hear from another's perspective though.

[Katie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Overall, I enjoyed this book. I can’t say it’s what I thought it would be— I missed the lack of solid facts, knowing that plenty of research has been done into eating, and as a result I felt the book lacked a solid ending, being more one person’s opinion than an objective look as hospitality (although, is hospitality objective?). It began as very much a series of anecdotes— interesting, but ultimately only one person’s, albeit far reaching, single perspective of food/hospitality. It ended up politically, an interesting but unexpected turn. The book talked widely about politics, economics and class and how all of these influence and are influenced by hospitality. This felt a little removed from what the book had set itself up, at least in my mind, to be, but the whole read was enjoyable.
In particular, Priya Basil is extremely intimate in her confessions, raising pressing questions that span cultures and time: Is unconditional hospitality, and therefore unconditional love, attainable? Are we setting standards and drawing lines as to who is worthy and who is not in the way we reach out to others? Are we all sober racists? How could we reach out to others and break down nearly every barrier by being either host or guest? And how do these roles extend further into other areas of life? A very challenging book, leaving much to be dissected within yourself.
I also really appreciated the religious perspective, although different to mine. There is so much more Christians could be be doing in hospitality, even though much is already happening, and unconditional hospitality is perfectly modelled in Jesus.
I would definitely recommend this book to others, not for how to be a good host, but for how hospitality is not an industry, nor a debt, nor something you do for friends, but as a challenge that can be brought into each area of life.

[Daniel Ballesteros-Sánchez · Rating 2 out of 5]

No era nuestro momento de encontrarnos.

[Tessa B · Rating 3 out of 5]

An enjoyable, quick read! Love her reflections on what it means to be a guest and a host in this world. It's honest and engaging and makes me want to have more dinner parties!!

[Vivek Tejuja · Rating 5 out of 5]

Basil in this slim book of food and hospitality speaks of what it is like to host people - to bond through food, the emotions that are deep-rooted in the act of cooking and feeding, and eating, and how do we connect through food. "Be My Guest" is a fascinating brief account of food beyond communities, of food within communities and its importance, of how Basil looks at food from every angle - that of domesticity, immigration, climate change, religion, food waste, and even Brexit.

Basil's writing may seem concentrated, but it is widespread and expansive in the sense of it looking at the self with the world at large through food. What I loved is how she weaves in the concept of how hospitality can change the world – through empathy, kindness, and how it all begins at one’s kitchen table, and how it all must be unconditional at the end of the day.

She also speaks of alienation through food, of not feeling wanted, of what it takes to be inclusive and in turn lets the reader gaze into her personal life – that of her grandparents and how their lives were so integral to food and feeding.

The larger meanings of food, the rituals around it (unique to each household and individual), the refugee crisis going on in the world at large, and how food unites is all as strangers is at the heart of Be My Guest. Basil invites you to open your heart through food, through serving, by understanding the meaning of hosting, of eating together, of letting people know that there will always be a seat for them at your table, and how it is in the devotion of serving, you take the idea of grace, hospitality, and warmth from paper to the table, right down to not only filling one’s stomach but heart and soul as well.

[Sayel · Rating 3 out of 5]

Awesome start, forced end

The first half of this book was inspiring and fantastic in that it took me to a past and history when food was a language, before calendar invitations and splitting the bill when caring was shown with hospitality. I connected to that past. That part of the book made me share it with a person really close to my heart as it reminded me of the warm feeling I get every time we eat together.

But then something changed. The second half of the book was a bit of a mix between this lovely warm chapters, and others where it felt like pushing an agenda, like forcing to connect good and hospitality with every kind of message the author wanted to say. From immigration to cultural differences. While the ideas were not bad per se, they were often poorly developed in a short chapter that seemed not to fit. Most importantly it hurt the warm feeling I gain in the first part of the book. And although the book might deserve more like 4 stars, I took one extra off because it lifted me up so high in the first part, then the good-but-not-great second part felt perhaps worse than it was

[Daina (Dai2DaiReader) · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a book that reflects on food and community and it was so interesting!  The way she talks about food and community and weaves history into it is fascinating and rich.  How we experience food, why we enjoy it and its connection to community is discussed in ways I haven’t thought about before.  This book really gave me a lot of food for thought 😉.  I also liked that the author did not shy away from talking about how much she loved to eat and was easily distracted by it (as am I).
 
The author writes, “However much or little we think about it, food is a force – and when shared, its power may be amplified.”  A recipe can be easily followed but the missing ingredient is usually the memory it holds that makes it truly good and special. Hopefully (and sooner than later), we will all get the chance to share a meal with all of the people we love.
 
Thanks for the free book, @aaknopf.

[tinabel · Rating 4 out of 5]

A unique and poignant take on the current refugee crisis through food, the notion of hospitality, and what it means to invite guests into our homes to share a meal.

Far from being a didactic manifesto—it's more personal than political—Basil explores her own experiences as an outsider (her parents are from India, she grew up in Kenya, went to university in England, and moved to Germany as an adult) through the common lens of food.

However, boiling it down to its base ingredients, Be My Guest ultimately asks the question the million dollar question: Wouldn't the world be a much better place if we treated newcomers as if they were guests in our home? I challenge you to read it and disagree.

[Eden · Rating 3 out of 5]

2022 bk 270. I was challenged to read more about views of generosity by reading Matthew Kelly's book on Generosity and ran across this one in Amazon. Raised in a Sikh household (India to Kenya to Great Britain to Germany), the author provides a view of Sikh generosity both very opening and abundant and at the same time very inclusive and confined within borders. Now an atheist, the author continues to practice generosity with her time and money through a website/project called Effective Altruism. This is a book of essays that are loosely tied together - and finally in the last pages I figure out the the purpose for Basil writing this book. In these essays she talks about Europe and specifically Germany's reaction to the floods of refugees from the middle east and how the different countries reacted based on their generosity to strangers. An interesting book, totally European (not British, not American influence) mindset.

[Nefreth · Rating 3 out of 5]

Un saggio ingessante, ben scritto e scorrevole che pone al centro l’ospitalità come elemento fondamentale dell’essere umano. Se cucinare è un atto d’amore verso il prossimo, questo è solo una minima parte della capacità di accogliere. Un insieme di riflessioni sulla famiglia, la società e la politica di integrazione. In alcuni punti mi sarebbe piaciuto fosse più approfondito, ma comunque una lettura piacevole.

[Susan Tunis · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is one of those rare and happy moments in life with perfect truth in advertising. Because this slim collection of essays was, in fact, reflections on food, community, and the meaning of generosity. And as those are all subjects I am interested in, this was a quick, enjoyable read. The multicultural aspects of the book were just the cherry on top.

[Anastasia · Rating 5 out of 5]

Such a beautiful book. I could relate to many thoughts that author shared on the importance of food in our lives in a broader sense: how it defines our community, our values and opinions. What hospitality is and how it goes along with hostility. I suddenly realised why brunches on Sunday I arrange for my friends from time to time make me feel so happy and fulfilled.

[ruby harrington · Rating 5 out of 5]

“A pattern revealing—just as contour lines on a map indicate the gradient of the land—the true topography of a society: its landscape of reciprocity, its borders of generosity, its peaks and depths of give and take.”

this short book emphasized the importance of generosity, bringing up questions of what it means to be unconditionally hospitable.