How to be a Jewish Mother: A Very Lovely Training Manual

by dan-greenburg

Excellent Book

Genres: Humor, Judaism, Comedy, Parenting, How To, Fiction, Psychology

99 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 1964

Reviews

[Melki · Rating 4 out of 5]

Underlying all techniques of Jewish Motherhood is the ability to plant, cultivate and harvest guilt. Control guilt and you control the child.

Fail to master these techniques and you hasten the black day you discover your children can get along without you.

Within the pages of Greenburg's handy primer you'll learn the proper procedures for administering forcing second helpings on all dinner guests:

Within that microsecond, you must scoop all the rest of the potatoes out onto his plate and make the turn back to the kitchen. If you either scoop too soon or scoop too late, you risk a serious breach of sportsmanship. The scooping motion must come between your "--ready for seconds?" and his "God, no."

How to congratulate your son on the day he receives his law degree:

"We want you to know we are very proud of you today, Marvin. Very proud. The only thing is, I thought I should tell you Papa's very hurt that you don't want to go into the button business with him."

And, when it's okay to splurge on an extravagant purchase for one's self:

"Well, I finally broke down and did it. I bought something for myself."
"Good. What did you buy, Sylvia?"
"I hated to spend the money, believe me, but today I bought a small roll of Scotch tape to hold my stockings together."

There's also a handy glossary of important terms like:

gratitude:
What a Jewish Mother does not expect.

shameful waste:
Throwing out a teabag after using it only once.

wash down:
(As in "Take a little bread to wash down the spongecake.") To keep it company in your stomach.

You don't have to be Jewish OR a mother to use the guilt-instilling techniques outlined in this book. Last year my oldest son didn't even call me on Mother's Day. I suspect my husband gave him a severe talking-to, (probably using words like, "You know she's old. How much longer can she be around?") because this year I received flowers, a nice lunch out, and most importantly, a long visit from the boy.

Hope you all had a lovely day, as well.

[howl of minerva · Rating 4 out of 5]

Give your son Marvin two sportshirts as a present. The first time he wears one of them, look at him sadly and say in your Basic Tone of Voice: “The other one you didn’t like?”

[Richard · Rating 5 out of 5]

My original copy, which my (non-)Jewish mother and I both enjoyed, was lent to a friend who promptly skipped town with it--much good may it do him, the goniff! So I procured another copy for her as a birthday gift. She was delighted--and who wouldn't be, I ask you? She's told all the neighbours what a good boy I am. Ever since that day, she's offered me second and third helpings of good nourishing food, cooked for no less than five hours and complete with bread to help wash it down. Now, she's letting out my pants (it's a lot of work but she doesn't mind) and I'm starting to look like Old Man Finkelstein.

[Jon Etheredge · Rating 5 out of 5]

I grew up thinking my mother was orthodox. As it turned out, she had merely memorized Dan Greenburg's very lovely training manual. He spent a lot of time writing this little book. I only hope he doesn't feel badly about how small it turned out. It would have been larger, but that awful Gerry Gersten was in charge of illustrations. He's been jealous of Dan since they first met. What can you do? I just hope they both learned something from having to work together.

Oh, wouldn't you know I paid too much for my book. And from a second-hand shop, no less! I won't go back there again, I tell you.

[Jazzy Lemon · Rating 5 out of 5]

Everything you ever need to know! PS. You don't have to be Jewish or a Mother to enjoy this.

[Courtney Ferriter · Rating 3 out of 5]

** 3.5 stars **

I was amused, especially by the chapter on overfeeding your guests and the distinction drawn between a 'nice boy,' a 'good boy,' and a 'fine boy,' but as this was written in 1964, some of the humor--especially the chapter on dating and marriage--is unsurprisingly dated, and I found myself wincing a couple of times.

[Kami · Rating 5 out of 5]

Funny! Clearly written with a 1950s mindset. Still some parts were hard to read in this day and age but entertaining quick read.

[ba · Rating 4 out of 5]

Pretty damn funny. Easy read. I was reading highlights aloud to my wife (the owner of the book, who has recently become a Jewish mother).

[Bill Arnold · Rating 5 out of 5]

Now I understand, one needn't be Jewish or a mother in order to be a Jewish Mother. My dad is a Jewish Mother. Thanks, Dan, for clarifying this misunderstood facet of human behavior.

[Topher · Rating 2 out of 5]

Anybody who has seen “Coffee Talk with Linda Richman” will be verklempt at the many comedic tropes outlined in this short work. It’s important to note upfront, the author states “one needs to be neither Jewish nor a mother” to pull this off.

Politically incorrect and a bit dated, it’s nonetheless hilarious, not to mention courageously earnest in its approach. I have a feeling the people who find it the most funny will already know most of the material. It could have been funnier had it been scoped as a longer work and gone deeper into the psychology of the subject matter, rather than just describing the behavior, but it makes for a breezy and funny read.

[Christine Whittington · Rating 2 out of 5]

My 100% Irish Catholic mother-in-law always said that she was really a Jewish mother. Yesterday I found this book in her house and read it. Published in 1964, this book is more than a little dated. It includes making guilt work: “Go ahead and enjoy yourself . . . I don’t mind staying home alone.” My mother -in-law did not seem like a Jewish mother as described in Greenburg’s book—she was far too direct—but I’m thinking my mother might have been one!

[Lauren · Rating 3 out of 5]

A little dated and especially a little conservative on gender norms. Wasn't a fan of the one homophobic line, but to be expected of 1964. The timeline for leaving for a social engagement at 8:00 was amazing!

[Seda Hovhannisyan · Rating 4 out of 5]

How to live the house for a social engagement that begins at 8:00 p.m.

7:55 Wait until the whole family is dressed and ready to go before you begin to get ready.
8:05 Tell everybody that the reason you aren't ready is that you had to supervise their getting ready.

[Melvin Marsh · Rating 2 out of 5]

Not nearly as good or funny as some of the others. It is what it is.

[Vtronin · Rating 5 out of 5]

Easy read, done in about an hour. Personally chuckled and laughed my way through it. Completely worth the time.

[Iqra Tasmiae]

Pg 203, part 4, ch 8, "Of Woman Born"

[Roger Smitter · Rating 3 out of 5]

A funny read. And a quick read. Some old humor that, I guess at one time we thought funny.

[Sue · Rating 4 out of 5]

An half an hour read of good humor...

[Amie Blaszczyk · Rating 5 out of 5]

Sweet, quick, and funny read.

[James Ricci · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very informative.

[Megan · Rating 3 out of 5]

Bill brought this book home for the library for me to read, insisting it would help me understand my mother-in-law better.

It was a funny book. It is out of print and some of the references to political and current events are very dated (Nixon is president). Rated G.

[Rachel · Rating 4 out of 5]

Heeeee-larious!

[Frances Levy · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of the funniest books ever written.

[Beverlee Jobrack · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is as funny as I thought it was when I read it in the 1960s.

[Ferris · Rating 5 out of 5]

Hysterically funny! Just read it!

[groundmar · Rating 3 out of 5]

my mom and I are taking turns reading this out loud to each other. it gets funny.

[Maria · Rating 5 out of 5]

It was having me laugh out loud many times. Loved it!

[Madi · Rating 3 out of 5]

Cute, funny, a little outdated, but still funny.

[Emilis Kuke · Rating 4 out of 5]

Juokinga iki ašarų. Manau, mano mama irgi nemaža dalimi žydė :D