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Ghosted and Breadcrumbed: Stop Falling for Unavailable Men and Get Smart about Healthy Relationships
Break Free from Unfulfilling Relationship Patterns Do you find yourself in painful and unsatisfying relationships or dating experiences again and again? A seasoned psychotherapist offers intelligent advice, clear explanations and effective solutions for why we attract and accept poor treatment, experience a lack of emotional connection from romantic partners, and often reject the good ones. Based on the science of love, neurobiology, attachment theory, along with the author's clinical experience, Ghosted and Breadcrumbed imparts expert guidance to help you recognize why you get stuck and how to change these patterns for good. Expertly written, with practical advice that's illustrated by real-life examples, you will learn how to spot and exit these situations. Called "practical," "compassionate," "captivating," and "a must-read" in editorial reviews, this is the definitive guide to help women create healthy relationships that provide the love, support, and emotional connection they deserve.
250 pages, Kindle Edition
Published April 2, 2019
66 people are currently reading
388 people want to read
About the author
Marni Feuerman
1 book4 followersDr. Marni Feuerman is a licensed social worker and marriage and family therapist with a private practice counseling those with relationship issues. She also trains therapists to do couple therapy and writes about love and relationships for a number of online media. She lives and works in South Florida.
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Displaying 1 - 27 of 27 reviews
August 13, 2022
I found one valuable piece of information, which I'll paraphrase here: by keeping ourselves at the periphery of what we want, we satisfy this want, unfulfillingly, but just enough to prevent us from actually taking the risks required to actually get what we want.
That was eye-opening and helpful. The other 99% of this book: not so much. I guess I should have expected a book with this title to have a bunch of outdated ideas about gender (the ideas about what men "naturally" do, what women "naturally" need are so absurd and no scientific data, of course, was provided to back up these gender binary-enforcing claims ... I mean, the science does not exist, so there's that). It also talked about "left brain-right brain" stuff, super randomly, which I'm pretty sure has also been thoroughly debunked. And it spoke about "The Secret" positively– major red flag. "Manifestation" as a self-help method woefully misunderstands the realities of folks who are not white and middle to upper class, not to mention how incredibly victim blaming it is as a philosophy.
There were some valuable insights which I recognized from scientifically backed forms of therapy such as DBT and CBT. And I appreciated the author's encouragement of the reader to seek therapy and the emphasis on not dwelling in shame. But these are all things I can get from books without all the above flaws.
I often feel like everyone else has received a rulebook on how to exist within dating and relationships and I, I don't know, I missed school that week or something. 😂 So I have tried to hack it by occasionally reading books like this and I am always disappointed by the outdated (and harmful) gender norms, the watered down concepts better obtained in therapy or by books focused on trauma, and the wishy washy "positive vibes" advice (whose underside really is shame). This was no exception.
That was eye-opening and helpful. The other 99% of this book: not so much. I guess I should have expected a book with this title to have a bunch of outdated ideas about gender (the ideas about what men "naturally" do, what women "naturally" need are so absurd and no scientific data, of course, was provided to back up these gender binary-enforcing claims ... I mean, the science does not exist, so there's that). It also talked about "left brain-right brain" stuff, super randomly, which I'm pretty sure has also been thoroughly debunked. And it spoke about "The Secret" positively– major red flag. "Manifestation" as a self-help method woefully misunderstands the realities of folks who are not white and middle to upper class, not to mention how incredibly victim blaming it is as a philosophy.
There were some valuable insights which I recognized from scientifically backed forms of therapy such as DBT and CBT. And I appreciated the author's encouragement of the reader to seek therapy and the emphasis on not dwelling in shame. But these are all things I can get from books without all the above flaws.
I often feel like everyone else has received a rulebook on how to exist within dating and relationships and I, I don't know, I missed school that week or something. 😂 So I have tried to hack it by occasionally reading books like this and I am always disappointed by the outdated (and harmful) gender norms, the watered down concepts better obtained in therapy or by books focused on trauma, and the wishy washy "positive vibes" advice (whose underside really is shame). This was no exception.
July 23, 2019
This book is a wonderful resource for women who have been struggling with dating. The book provides you with practical recommendations on ways to work through issues that prevent having a healthy relationship. With an emphasis on attachment, this book certainly establishes the link with childhood and family of origin experiences with current dating patterns. As a therapist, I highly recommend this book.
April 3, 2019
Endorsements:
“ Ghosted and Breadcrumbed clearly and expertly guides women out of painful relationships with unavailable men and into the joys of a healthy relationship. If you are in a relationship with a married man or a man who is avoiding a deeper commitment, this is the book for you!”
— Lonnie Garfield Barbach, PhD, cocreator of the Happy Couple app and coauthor of Going the Distance: Finding and Keeping Lifelong Love
“ Ghosted and Breadcrumbed is a must-read for women who unwittingly fall for unavailable men and want to create happy, healthy relationships. Dr. Marni Feuerman draws on her expertise as a marriage and family therapist to provide valuable insights to help women break free of a pattern of dysfunctional relationships once and for all. She’s created a practical and compassionate guide, full of case studies and effective strategies to help women better understand themselves, heal, and create the satisfying, loving relationships they deserve.”
— Sharon Martin, MSW, LCSW, psychotherapist, mental health blogger, and author of The CBT Workbook for Perfectionism: Evidence-Based Skills to Help You Let Go of Self-Criticism, Build Self-Esteem, and Find Balance
“If you’ve ever wondered why you always seem to have ‘a string of bad luck’ with men, wonder no more! This book will explain why you’ve made the choices you have and what you can do to create ‘good luck’ in love moving forward.”
— Michele Weiner-Davis, author of Healing from Infidelity: The Divorce Busting Guide to Rebuilding Your Marriage After an Affair
“ Ghosted and Breadcrumbed is as clever and captivating as its title. Any woman who has experienced unrequited love or tried to catch an unavailable or avoidant man will find wisdom here. Marni Feuerman shows the reader how to sort out what is her fault and what is the man’s fault and provides techniques derived from cognitive-behavioral therapy, emotion-focused therapy, and mindfulness-based stress reduction to help her move on and be better prepared for love in the future. The book is written primarily for women in heterosexual relationships, but others may find it of value as well.”
— Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT, clinician and founder of the PACT Institute
“Dr. Feuerman digs deep into why some women fall for emotionally unavailable men, then gives actionable steps to help them move on and be free to find real intimacy. A must-read for anyone who feels rejected or undesired in a romantic relationship.”
— Julie de Azevedo Hanks, PhD, LCSW, psychotherapist and author of The Assertiveness Guide for Women: How to Communicate Your Needs, Set Healthy Boundaries, and Transform Your RelationshipsThe Assertiveness Guide for Women
“ Ghosted and Breadcrumbed clearly and expertly guides women out of painful relationships with unavailable men and into the joys of a healthy relationship. If you are in a relationship with a married man or a man who is avoiding a deeper commitment, this is the book for you!”
— Lonnie Garfield Barbach, PhD, cocreator of the Happy Couple app and coauthor of Going the Distance: Finding and Keeping Lifelong Love
“ Ghosted and Breadcrumbed is a must-read for women who unwittingly fall for unavailable men and want to create happy, healthy relationships. Dr. Marni Feuerman draws on her expertise as a marriage and family therapist to provide valuable insights to help women break free of a pattern of dysfunctional relationships once and for all. She’s created a practical and compassionate guide, full of case studies and effective strategies to help women better understand themselves, heal, and create the satisfying, loving relationships they deserve.”
— Sharon Martin, MSW, LCSW, psychotherapist, mental health blogger, and author of The CBT Workbook for Perfectionism: Evidence-Based Skills to Help You Let Go of Self-Criticism, Build Self-Esteem, and Find Balance
“If you’ve ever wondered why you always seem to have ‘a string of bad luck’ with men, wonder no more! This book will explain why you’ve made the choices you have and what you can do to create ‘good luck’ in love moving forward.”
— Michele Weiner-Davis, author of Healing from Infidelity: The Divorce Busting Guide to Rebuilding Your Marriage After an Affair
“ Ghosted and Breadcrumbed is as clever and captivating as its title. Any woman who has experienced unrequited love or tried to catch an unavailable or avoidant man will find wisdom here. Marni Feuerman shows the reader how to sort out what is her fault and what is the man’s fault and provides techniques derived from cognitive-behavioral therapy, emotion-focused therapy, and mindfulness-based stress reduction to help her move on and be better prepared for love in the future. The book is written primarily for women in heterosexual relationships, but others may find it of value as well.”
— Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT, clinician and founder of the PACT Institute
“Dr. Feuerman digs deep into why some women fall for emotionally unavailable men, then gives actionable steps to help them move on and be free to find real intimacy. A must-read for anyone who feels rejected or undesired in a romantic relationship.”
— Julie de Azevedo Hanks, PhD, LCSW, psychotherapist and author of The Assertiveness Guide for Women: How to Communicate Your Needs, Set Healthy Boundaries, and Transform Your RelationshipsThe Assertiveness Guide for Women
January 30, 2022
Not a pop sci relationship book, this is more of a professional self-help book, written by Dr Marni Feuerman who is a licensed social worker and therapist with extensive counselling experience. It is comprehensive, completed with checklists to identify specific issues and solid recommendations on how to make constructive changes to ultimately have a happy, secure relationship.
I really like the no-nonsense approach – rather than the good old “because girl you’re worth it”, Dr Feuerman digs deep into the possible reasons why you may be drawn to emotionally unavailable people and isn’t afraid to tell you directly that the reason may be you. Avid readers of relationship articles and books would know a lot of the theoretical principles already, but implementation is always the hardest when it comes to matter of the heart. The second half of the book is a step-by-step guide on how to move forward, build confidence, and have a healthy relationship. She also discusses the option of seeking professional help.
Perhaps I have a different interpretation of “ghosting” and “breadcrumbing”, I think the title can be misleading. I don’t think most of the emotionally unavailable men discussed in the book are “ghosting” or “breadcrumbing” in the traditional sense, as they are technically in a relationship with the women? Nevertheless, this book is a really useful and insightful resource, whether you are in a toxic relationship and would like to walk away, or just want to develop healthier relationship habits. Personally I’ve taken home some good advice on how to manage unpleasant emotions, and am exploring the option of therapy for personal growth.
I really like the no-nonsense approach – rather than the good old “because girl you’re worth it”, Dr Feuerman digs deep into the possible reasons why you may be drawn to emotionally unavailable people and isn’t afraid to tell you directly that the reason may be you. Avid readers of relationship articles and books would know a lot of the theoretical principles already, but implementation is always the hardest when it comes to matter of the heart. The second half of the book is a step-by-step guide on how to move forward, build confidence, and have a healthy relationship. She also discusses the option of seeking professional help.
Perhaps I have a different interpretation of “ghosting” and “breadcrumbing”, I think the title can be misleading. I don’t think most of the emotionally unavailable men discussed in the book are “ghosting” or “breadcrumbing” in the traditional sense, as they are technically in a relationship with the women? Nevertheless, this book is a really useful and insightful resource, whether you are in a toxic relationship and would like to walk away, or just want to develop healthier relationship habits. Personally I’ve taken home some good advice on how to manage unpleasant emotions, and am exploring the option of therapy for personal growth.
May 31, 2019
With it’s title hinting at the scourge of modern dating that is ghosting, one might think this to be a guide to finding love. And it is, but the more important message of this book is recognising why you may keep finding yourself meeting unavailable partners or even in toxic and abusive relationships.
The book’s early focus on the behaviours of unavailable people means that for much of the rest of it, the focus is on the reader’s own experiences and development. This means that there is little interest in trying to understand other people’s motives and a great deal spent on confronting your own. There is also no real blame being apportioned either way.
Looking at the ideas within attachment theory for explanations for why we may tolerate or even seek out inappropriate partners, the book is enlightening, thought-provoking and highly readable. I particularly enjoyed the the practical nature of the chapters and the outlining and identifying of how to move away from repeating the same behaviours and identify healthier relationships.
Highly recommended reading for those struggling in toxic relationships or wanting to avoid them in the future.
The book’s early focus on the behaviours of unavailable people means that for much of the rest of it, the focus is on the reader’s own experiences and development. This means that there is little interest in trying to understand other people’s motives and a great deal spent on confronting your own. There is also no real blame being apportioned either way.
Looking at the ideas within attachment theory for explanations for why we may tolerate or even seek out inappropriate partners, the book is enlightening, thought-provoking and highly readable. I particularly enjoyed the the practical nature of the chapters and the outlining and identifying of how to move away from repeating the same behaviours and identify healthier relationships.
Highly recommended reading for those struggling in toxic relationships or wanting to avoid them in the future.
September 26, 2019
This book is well researched, well written and well structured, its content providing the reader with a good sense of what separates a healthy relationship from an unhealthy one.
If you wish to understand the patterns that keep you stuck in dysfunctional relationships, attracting them, Ghosted and Breadcrumbed is a must. With it you will see how our attachment styles explain successful and unsuccessful matches, fuelling an awareness that will better guide your choices. The author lays out clearly what an emotionally unavailable man looks like and that, for me, is the gift at the heart of Ghosted and Breadcrumbed.
I will recommend to my clients.
If you wish to understand the patterns that keep you stuck in dysfunctional relationships, attracting them, Ghosted and Breadcrumbed is a must. With it you will see how our attachment styles explain successful and unsuccessful matches, fuelling an awareness that will better guide your choices. The author lays out clearly what an emotionally unavailable man looks like and that, for me, is the gift at the heart of Ghosted and Breadcrumbed.
I will recommend to my clients.
August 6, 2024
Несмотря на название, книга вовсе не только о том, что делать, если вы в отношениях с кем-то, кто уже занят. Книга о том, почему ваши отношения (со свободными или нет) не складываются, почему вы продолжаете выбирать тех, кто не готов посвящать себя вам и постройке здоровых отношений, ведущих к счастливому будущему. Почему все вокруг выглядят довольными со своими вторыми половинками, а вы продолжаете ошибаться и раз за разом начинать отношения, ведущие в бездну? Очень познавательно, интересно. Дает много пищи для размышлений и анализа своей любовной истории, особенно, если она была насыщенной, но неудачной.
May 29, 2019
This is one of the best self help books that I have ever read on the topic of relationships. Dr. Feuerman does a brilliant job of addressing very specific issues of why women fall for the wrong men. Any woman, regardless of her educational level or age will find this book useful. The book is laid out very nicely. It is organized well and the chapters flow. Overall, I enjoyed learning about different relationships through her examples which Dr. Feuerman backs up from her many years as a seasoned licensed marriage and family therapist.
October 31, 2023
It's a good review on the topic in today's age of being ghosted and breadcrumbed, be that in friendships or relationships.
It's a good reminder that we need to heal our own inner self and be aware of the possibility of being taken for granted by people.
It's a good reminder that we need to heal our own inner self and be aware of the possibility of being taken for granted by people.
November 1, 2024
The book is super, very easy and simple written 🥹 Before entering into a serious and healthy relationship, you need to read the book, because it will help you not to scatter and dissolve in the relationship.
Must have, I recommend
Must have, I recommend
August 25, 2019
Great book and very helpful if experiencing what it says on cover
August 30, 2020
Oh to be breadcrumbed.... literally people just get your childhood issues together and stop being douche canoes...
September 9, 2023
There are a lot of helpful things in this book! I am grateful for the author’s practical advice and the knowledgeable perspective she shares on developing healthy relationships.
However, three of my main concerns with the book are —
1) Promotion of Buddhism and eastern religions towards the end of the book. The section about this is brief, but still concerning, as a Christian reader who believes my faith is the crucial lens through which I should see the world and discern psychological view points.
2) Endorsement of sex outside of marriage as a “personal decision.” The lack of sexual ethics was considerable. I appreciate the author’s emphasis on why commitment and mutual faithfulness are important in a relationship, however, sex outside of marriage is not a casual decision, and is always damaging to individuals and their relationships, and dishonors God.
3) Promotion of self-love. People recovering from emotionally unhealthy relationships do not need more self-focus, but rather to know the depths of the love of Christ, and to be granted His forgiveness — rather than the culturally created term of “self-forgiveness.” I am grateful for the authors thorough work expounding on recovery and how women can better grasp their value — this is a crucial topic. However, the foundation for knowing our value begins with knowing Christ who made us Imago Dei.
However, three of my main concerns with the book are —
1) Promotion of Buddhism and eastern religions towards the end of the book. The section about this is brief, but still concerning, as a Christian reader who believes my faith is the crucial lens through which I should see the world and discern psychological view points.
2) Endorsement of sex outside of marriage as a “personal decision.” The lack of sexual ethics was considerable. I appreciate the author’s emphasis on why commitment and mutual faithfulness are important in a relationship, however, sex outside of marriage is not a casual decision, and is always damaging to individuals and their relationships, and dishonors God.
3) Promotion of self-love. People recovering from emotionally unhealthy relationships do not need more self-focus, but rather to know the depths of the love of Christ, and to be granted His forgiveness — rather than the culturally created term of “self-forgiveness.” I am grateful for the authors thorough work expounding on recovery and how women can better grasp their value — this is a crucial topic. However, the foundation for knowing our value begins with knowing Christ who made us Imago Dei.
December 4, 2019
I originally started reading this book because I have been ghosted in the past and it really hurt. "Being 'ghosted' is when a person you are dating suddenly disappears." The book profiles unavailable men and discusses attachment styles and the impact of your family history. I skipped the part about being an affair partner because it didn't apply to me.
It is a solid relationship book and I would like to think that I will be smarter about relationships as a result of it!
It is a solid relationship book and I would like to think that I will be smarter about relationships as a result of it!
April 3, 2019
This was such a helpful book!! I just wish it was available a few years ago for me! Great explanations of concepts in psychology with really helpful examples. I made so many connections to my family stuff that helped finally make sense of my behavior and the men I was picking. I would highly recommend this book and I already recommended it to a few of my friends.
August 17, 2020
This is a great read for anyone looking to learn more about the science of love and how to end the trap of chaotic and dramatic filled relationships. Dr. Marni does a great job outlining the red flags & also discusses ways you can take care of yourself while on the lookout for healthy love! I have recommended it to many clients of mine and everyone loves it!
January 4, 2025
Reading Ghosted and Breadcrumbed taught me that self-love isn’t just about accepting the love others give—it’s also about facing my own role in toxic dynamics. Acknowledging these patterns was the first step toward growth. Healing starts with owning my actions and choosing healthier ways to connect. As the book says, ‘Breadcrumbing is a cruel dance of hope and disappointment, where the only thing you’re fed is confusion.’
April 19, 2025
Читала в українському перекладі ("Він не кине дружину", видавничий дім "Сварог"), книжка дуже нудною мовою написана - не знаю, чи це специфіка авторки, чи нюанси перекладу. Було відчуття, що це написав ШІ. Ну і вражень особливих немає теж, нового не побачила. Просто як нагадування не захоплюватись емоційно недоступними людьми.
July 1, 2025
So many clients struggle to make sense of the dynamics in their relationships, and this book really delivers. As a therapist, I appreciate how clearly it names common issues and offers realistic paths forward. It doesn’t sugarcoat things, but it does give hope by helping readers understand what might actually shift and what may not.
February 7, 2022
Какая-то белиберда, коробочка с банальностями. Конечно, в этом деле на каждый товар свой купец, но мне показалось совсем уж по верхам. И постоянный призыв: иди, иди, дорогая, к психоаналитику, только психоаналитик, только хардкор.
November 29, 2022
Pretty solid. Written for women (clearly) but I think it would have been better if the book had not taken a gendered approach and had instead talked about common dysfunctions and root causes. The family-of-origin analysis, the attachment style framework — all of that applies across gender lines.
July 21, 2023
Perfect read. This really helped me understand my fears and my traumas when it comes to romantic, platonic, and even familial relationships. Props to my therapist for recommending me this book 🫶
December 10, 2023
2 ⭐️ I thought this was going to touch on avoidant attachment styles more, but it was lots of generic advice IMO.
June 5, 2023
I couldn't really find any practical advice that I could use to make sense of what happened. It did inform me that this is a thing. It is something I have never encountered before, and it is something that now I will be more on the lookout for. I really had not ever experienced it previously and I never will again. Nothing is worth this level of unjustified pain.
May 29, 2022
This is one of the best relationship books out there! It teaches so much about how our upbringing affects who we choose as a romantic partner, and how to make corrections if your upbringing is making you choose poorly. A great read for anyone, male or female, single or in a relationship.
May 30, 2019
I'm proud of the book and look forward to everyone's feedback. I hope it is helpful to those struggling with unfulfilling relationship patterns!
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May 14, 2019I dont understand this site, how do you read the book? Do you pay or is it free? I see the book but how can i read it?
Kind Regards
Jane
Kind Regards
Jane
Displaying 1 - 27 of 27 reviews