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Enfurecidas: Reivindicar el poder de la ira femenina
Las mujeres están furiosas y no es difícil adivinar por qué.
O somos demasiado sensibles o no lo suficiente. O vamos mal vestidas o demasiado arregladas. O estamos demasiado gordas o demasiado delgadas. O somos zorras o puritanas. Se nos acosa, se nos dice que lo vamos pidiendo a gritos y se nos pregunta si acaso nos vamos a morir si sonreímos. Pues sí, precisamente de eso se trata.
Contrariamente a la retórica de la autoayuda divulgativa y a lo que llevamos toda la vida oyendo, la furia es uno de nuestros recursos más importantes, una afilada herramienta para luchar contra la opresión política y personal. Durante mucho tiempo se nos ha dicho que debíamos reprimir nuestra ira mientras dejábamos que corroyera nuestros cuerpos y mentes, pero lo cierto es que la furia no es algo que se interponga en nuestro camino, es nuestro camino.
Siguiendo los pasos de manifiestos feministas clásicos como La mística de la feminidad y Nuestros cuerpos, nuestras vidas, Enfurecidas es un libro revelador dirigido a la mujer del siglo XXI: constituye un interesante y accesible credo que nos ofrece las herramientas para que reinterpretemos nuestra furia y nos sirvamos de su poder para generar un cambio positivo duradero.
1147 pages, Kindle Edition
First published September 11, 2018
2521 people are currently reading
67899 people want to read
About the author
Soraya Chemaly
12 books604 followersSoraya Chemaly is a writer and activist whose work focuses on the role of gender in politics, religion, education, tech, and media. A 2016 Mirror Award Winner, her work appears in a wide range of publications including TIME, The Guardian, The Nation, Huffington Post, Verge, Quartz, The Atlantic and The New Statesman. Chemaly is also involved with multiple anti-violence and media equity organizations dedicated to expanding women’s freedom of expression and public parity. She has been named by Elle Magazine, The Telegraph, and Fast Company as among the most inspiring women to follow in social media and the co-winner of a 2017 Newhouse Mirror Award for Best Single Story. You can find her on Instagram @sorayachemaly and @ragebecomesher as well as Substack where she writes Unmanned.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 1,643 reviews
September 25, 2019
4.5 stars!
“We are so busy teaching girls to be likeable that we often forget to teach them, as we do boys, that they should be respected.”
So, if you know me in real life you know I am a feminist and I am very liberal. If you don’t agree and don’t want to follow me on Goodreads anymore because of that, I understand. Go ahead and unfriend/unfollow. That being said, I loved this book.
In this book, Chemaly examines anger in women, the forces that drive it and ways of dealing with and utilizing anger in our everyday lives.
“It took me too long to realize that the people most inclined to say “You sound angry” are the same people who uniformly don’t care to ask “Why?” They’re interested in silence, not dialogue.”
I came across this book when I overheard a coworker talking about it. I’ve been meaning to introduce more nonfiction into my life, so I went ahead and requested it on audio and I am so very glad I listened to it. I found myself nodding my head and saying yes in the car to so many things discussed. For me, this book brought statistics and validation to things I already felt/knew but hadn’t gotten the science behind it.
Parts most interesting to me where the studies of how children are raised and how boys and girls are programmed differently. But the number one thing that stood out was how most parents/caregivers discuss most emotions with their children, except for anger. I think this is something we need to consciously change, ASAP.
This book won’t be for everyone, but I really enjoyed it. So if you are looking to learn, or maybe agree with what you already know, this is a great start.
“A society that does not respect women's anger is one that does not respect women; not as human beings, thinkers, knowers, active participants, or citizens.”
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“We are so busy teaching girls to be likeable that we often forget to teach them, as we do boys, that they should be respected.”
So, if you know me in real life you know I am a feminist and I am very liberal. If you don’t agree and don’t want to follow me on Goodreads anymore because of that, I understand. Go ahead and unfriend/unfollow. That being said, I loved this book.
In this book, Chemaly examines anger in women, the forces that drive it and ways of dealing with and utilizing anger in our everyday lives.
“It took me too long to realize that the people most inclined to say “You sound angry” are the same people who uniformly don’t care to ask “Why?” They’re interested in silence, not dialogue.”
I came across this book when I overheard a coworker talking about it. I’ve been meaning to introduce more nonfiction into my life, so I went ahead and requested it on audio and I am so very glad I listened to it. I found myself nodding my head and saying yes in the car to so many things discussed. For me, this book brought statistics and validation to things I already felt/knew but hadn’t gotten the science behind it.
Parts most interesting to me where the studies of how children are raised and how boys and girls are programmed differently. But the number one thing that stood out was how most parents/caregivers discuss most emotions with their children, except for anger. I think this is something we need to consciously change, ASAP.
This book won’t be for everyone, but I really enjoyed it. So if you are looking to learn, or maybe agree with what you already know, this is a great start.
“A society that does not respect women's anger is one that does not respect women; not as human beings, thinkers, knowers, active participants, or citizens.”
Follow me on ♥ Facebook ♥ Blog ♥ Instagram ♥ Twitter ♥
September 16, 2018
I am glad I read this book, but I didn't love it. It's not really a contemplation of anger that provides new insight or analysis. It's sort of a hodgepodge of feminist critique--all of the micro and macro ways in which women are harassed, discriminated against, and devalued. If you're a woman who has been paying attention to these trends, you likely know all of this stuff. Still, it's a thorough and sad catalogue of sexism. There wasn't much to learn from. If you are already mad about the state of affairs, this book just confirms and validates your feelings. But what now? Also, I am not sure just expressing outrage is helpful. Perhaps men are given more latitude to do so, but it's also not effective when they do it. To just point out the double standard and say that women are not able to express anger is not enough in my opinion. Anger doesn't change things. If it pushes us to organize, then great. But we need to get beyond anger to make changes.
December 16, 2018
3.5 stars
Really loved the thesis of this book, that women's anger is a powerful force for change in response to sexism and discrimination. Soraya Chemaly is intersectional and all-encompassing in Rage Becomes Her, as she interweaves the experiences of women of color and lampoons the sexism that occurs in the workplace, in online communities, in families, and more. She discusses several important topics that parallel the power of women's anger, such as how women are expected to do so much more emotional labor than men while also receiving punishment for expressing emotions like anger whereas men get praised for it. One of the many quotes about the uses of anger that I appreciated:
"What if we used frustration, irritation, humiliation, anger, and other 'negative' feelings to be methodical and demanding? First at home, then at school, then at work. This would mean critically assessing the comforting habits we support out of nostalgia and tradition, which would require no small measure of effort. It means walking out of places of worship, not buying certain movie tickets, closing certain books and picking up others, refusing to pay for certain products, and finding compelling ways to disagree with friends and family at the dinner table. It means explaining to grandparents, engaging with school administrators, and demanding rights at work. The slow and productive burn of anger is an asset. But leveraging it means taking a risk: the risk of finding out how much what you care about matters to your community."
Only giving this a lower star rating because the format of the book dragged a bit for me. Again, I loved the actual content and Chemaly's take-home message, I just found that some of the sections blurred together and read like a long list of research findings and related facts without a more cohesive structure. Still, I liked the book, and I am glad to see its emergence alongside other recent books about women's anger, like Eloquent Rage by Brittany Cooper, which I loved, and Good and Mad by Rebecca Traister, which I have and will read soon.
Really loved the thesis of this book, that women's anger is a powerful force for change in response to sexism and discrimination. Soraya Chemaly is intersectional and all-encompassing in Rage Becomes Her, as she interweaves the experiences of women of color and lampoons the sexism that occurs in the workplace, in online communities, in families, and more. She discusses several important topics that parallel the power of women's anger, such as how women are expected to do so much more emotional labor than men while also receiving punishment for expressing emotions like anger whereas men get praised for it. One of the many quotes about the uses of anger that I appreciated:
"What if we used frustration, irritation, humiliation, anger, and other 'negative' feelings to be methodical and demanding? First at home, then at school, then at work. This would mean critically assessing the comforting habits we support out of nostalgia and tradition, which would require no small measure of effort. It means walking out of places of worship, not buying certain movie tickets, closing certain books and picking up others, refusing to pay for certain products, and finding compelling ways to disagree with friends and family at the dinner table. It means explaining to grandparents, engaging with school administrators, and demanding rights at work. The slow and productive burn of anger is an asset. But leveraging it means taking a risk: the risk of finding out how much what you care about matters to your community."
Only giving this a lower star rating because the format of the book dragged a bit for me. Again, I loved the actual content and Chemaly's take-home message, I just found that some of the sections blurred together and read like a long list of research findings and related facts without a more cohesive structure. Still, I liked the book, and I am glad to see its emergence alongside other recent books about women's anger, like Eloquent Rage by Brittany Cooper, which I loved, and Good and Mad by Rebecca Traister, which I have and will read soon.
September 21, 2018
In Rage Becomes Her: The Power of Women's Anger, author Soraya Chemaly explores and confronts the gendering of emotions, in this case the gender ideas of anger. Social norms teach us that anger expressed by females is undesirable, uncomfortable, and certainly not feminine, unlike with males where it is accepted because of its normalized tie to masculinity. She discusses how this suppression of anger harms women physically, emotionally, professionally and politically, and how the world would benefit from the much needed voice that the healthy and penalty-free expression of women's anger would provide. Chemaly stresses that Rage Becomes Her is not a self-help book nor is it an anger management guide.
My favorite quote:
"If #MeToo has made men feel vulnerable, panicked, unsure, and fearful as a result of women finally, collectively, saying 'Enough!' so be it. If they wonder how their every word and action will be judged and used against them, Welcome to our world. If they feel that everything they do will reflect on other men and be misrepresented and misunderstood, take a seat. You are now honorary women."
“Self-help, different from self-efficacy, is frequently what you do when you aren't getting the help you need from your society. We cannot “self-help” our way to being heard, taken seriously, paid fairly, cared for adequately, or treated with dignity. We cannot “self-help” our way to peace or to justice.”Chemaly's research and writing provides enormous validation as she connects the dots between ignored anger and common women's issues ranging from shame to chronic pain, while also offering a look at culture, sexualization, women's rights, #MeToo, raising girls, and even the beauty industry which profits from it all. Rage Becomes Her is bold, confrontational, and angry, and it embodies Chemaly's very message that women's anger can lead to meaningful change. It embraces femininity and feminism equally, because it is. “Because the truth is that anger isn't what gets in our way – it is our way. All we have to do is own it.”
My favorite quote:
"If #MeToo has made men feel vulnerable, panicked, unsure, and fearful as a result of women finally, collectively, saying 'Enough!' so be it. If they wonder how their every word and action will be judged and used against them, Welcome to our world. If they feel that everything they do will reflect on other men and be misrepresented and misunderstood, take a seat. You are now honorary women."
February 1, 2019
~ New Feminist Canon ~
Enlightening, enriching, and inspiring not to accept the patriarchy as the norm. This book looks at the anatomy and power of anger, and how it can be used to disrupt the social power dynamic.
There is so much I want to say about this book, but my best advice is simply: read it.
I've been on a feminist reading streak this month, and Rage Becomes Her is by far the most amazing one I've read ... ever. Although I previously stated Good and Mad was essential reading for 2019, this book is even more powerful, and they make excellent tandem reads.
Are you a woman? Read this book.
"Anger is an assertion of rights and worth. It is communication, equality and knowledge. It is intimacy, acceptance, fearlessness, embodiment, revolt, and reconciliation. Anger is memory and rage. It is rational thought and irrational pain. Anger is freedom, independence, expansiveness, and entitlement. It is justice, passion, clarity, and motivation. Anger is instrumental, thoughtful, complicated, and resolved. In anger, whether you like it or not, there is truth.
Anger is the demand of accountability. It is evaluation, judgement, and refutation. It is reflective, visionary and anticipatory. It's a speech act, a social statement, an intention, and a purpose. It's a risk and a threat. A confirmation and a wish. It is both powerlessness and power, palliative and a provocation. In anger, you will find both ferocity and comfort, vulnerability and hurt. Anger is the expression of hope.
How much anger is too much? Certainly not the anger that, for many of us, is a remembering of a self we learned to hide and quiet. It is willful and disobedient. It is survival, liberation, creativity, urgency, and vibrancy. It is a statement of need. An insistence of acknowledgment. Anger is a boundary. Anger is boundless. An opportunity for contemplation and self-awareness. It is commitment. Empathy. Self-love. Social responsibility. If it is poison, it is also the antidote. The anger we have as women is an act of radical imagination. Angry women burn brighter than the sun.
In the coming years, we will hear, again, that anger is a destructive force, to be controlled. Watch carefully, because not everyone is asked to do this in equal measure. Women, especially, will be told to set our anger aside in favor of a kinder, gentler approach to change. This is a false juxtaposition. Reenvisioned, anger can be the most feminine of virtues: compassionate, fierce, wise, and powerful. The women I admire most—those who have looked to themselves and the limitations and adversities that come with our bodies and the expectations that come with them—have all found ways to transform their anger into meaningful change. In them, anger has moved from debilitation to liberation.
Your anger is a gift you give to yourself and the world that is yours. In anger, I have lived more fully, freely, intensely, sensitively, and politically. If ever there was a time not to silence yourself, to channel your anger into healthy places and choices, this is it."
"Sexism might alter your day, but misogyny and the power behind it will alter your life outcomes and shape the world around you at every level."
Enlightening, enriching, and inspiring not to accept the patriarchy as the norm. This book looks at the anatomy and power of anger, and how it can be used to disrupt the social power dynamic.
There is so much I want to say about this book, but my best advice is simply: read it.
I've been on a feminist reading streak this month, and Rage Becomes Her is by far the most amazing one I've read ... ever. Although I previously stated Good and Mad was essential reading for 2019, this book is even more powerful, and they make excellent tandem reads.
Are you a woman? Read this book.
"Anger is an assertion of rights and worth. It is communication, equality and knowledge. It is intimacy, acceptance, fearlessness, embodiment, revolt, and reconciliation. Anger is memory and rage. It is rational thought and irrational pain. Anger is freedom, independence, expansiveness, and entitlement. It is justice, passion, clarity, and motivation. Anger is instrumental, thoughtful, complicated, and resolved. In anger, whether you like it or not, there is truth.
Anger is the demand of accountability. It is evaluation, judgement, and refutation. It is reflective, visionary and anticipatory. It's a speech act, a social statement, an intention, and a purpose. It's a risk and a threat. A confirmation and a wish. It is both powerlessness and power, palliative and a provocation. In anger, you will find both ferocity and comfort, vulnerability and hurt. Anger is the expression of hope.
How much anger is too much? Certainly not the anger that, for many of us, is a remembering of a self we learned to hide and quiet. It is willful and disobedient. It is survival, liberation, creativity, urgency, and vibrancy. It is a statement of need. An insistence of acknowledgment. Anger is a boundary. Anger is boundless. An opportunity for contemplation and self-awareness. It is commitment. Empathy. Self-love. Social responsibility. If it is poison, it is also the antidote. The anger we have as women is an act of radical imagination. Angry women burn brighter than the sun.
In the coming years, we will hear, again, that anger is a destructive force, to be controlled. Watch carefully, because not everyone is asked to do this in equal measure. Women, especially, will be told to set our anger aside in favor of a kinder, gentler approach to change. This is a false juxtaposition. Reenvisioned, anger can be the most feminine of virtues: compassionate, fierce, wise, and powerful. The women I admire most—those who have looked to themselves and the limitations and adversities that come with our bodies and the expectations that come with them—have all found ways to transform their anger into meaningful change. In them, anger has moved from debilitation to liberation.
Your anger is a gift you give to yourself and the world that is yours. In anger, I have lived more fully, freely, intensely, sensitively, and politically. If ever there was a time not to silence yourself, to channel your anger into healthy places and choices, this is it."
"Sexism might alter your day, but misogyny and the power behind it will alter your life outcomes and shape the world around you at every level."
October 22, 2018
I read Eloquent Rage, Rage Becomes Her, and Good and Mad sequentially over about a week, and I highly recommend doing so. They're very complementary. Rage Becomes Her is a sociological book with an incredible amount of research on everything that is making women angry and why that's not a problem; Good and Mad is a narrative journalistic account of the many times in history and the present day that women's anger has changed society for the better; Eloquent Rage is a memoir and account of feminism and anger in the life of one black feminist. They nicely span the range between global to personal, make a sincere effort to be intersectional, and if these don't put a fire in your belly on women's issues it's very likely nothing ever will.
Here's a quote from the end of Rage Becomes Her that encapsulates her book's arguments and really could be put on a motivational poster or a t-shirt (or a meme, if it were a little shorter):
If you feel right now like you have a lot of rage, and don't know whether or not that's a good thing, and have no idea what to do with it all, these are three great books to read. I got to the end and felt about a million times better (though no less angry) and ready to make a lot of noise.
Here's a quote from the end of Rage Becomes Her that encapsulates her book's arguments and really could be put on a motivational poster or a t-shirt (or a meme, if it were a little shorter):
Anger is an assertion of rights and worth. It is communication, equality and knowledge. It is intimacy, acceptance, fearlessness, embodiment, revolt, and reconciliation. Anger is memory and rage. It is rational thought and irrational pain. Anger is freedom, independence, expansiveness, and entitlement. It is justice, passion, clarity, and motivation. Anger is instrumental, thoughtful, complicated, and resolved. In anger, whether you like it or not, there is truth.
Anger is the demand of accountability. It is evaluation, judgement, and refutation. It is reflective, visionary and anticipatory. It's a speech act, a social statement, an intention, and a purpose. It's a risk and a threat. A confirmation and a wish. It is both powerlessness and power, palliative and a provocation. In anger, you will find both ferocity and comfort, vulnerability and hurt. Anger is the expression of hope.
If you feel right now like you have a lot of rage, and don't know whether or not that's a good thing, and have no idea what to do with it all, these are three great books to read. I got to the end and felt about a million times better (though no less angry) and ready to make a lot of noise.
September 14, 2018
This book doesn't know what it wants to be. In the ARC, it's marketed, titled, and introed as an exploration into women's anger -- how the emotion manifests differently in women than in men, how women handle (suppress?) it, the effect it has on women's bodies. And in the beginning, it is, and this part of the book is fantastic. But then the narrative shifts with each new chapter an exploration into something unrelatedly different: a tirade about women not being paid as much, hodge-podge generalizations about men having a lower pain threshold, a section on public restroom design. It stops being a book about anger and starts being a list of -- I don't know, I guess everything that makes the author angry. Then the narrative shifts AGAIN, turning into some sort of self-help book for women with inane tips like "get a therapist" (followed by several paragraphs on how therapy doesn't help women). Well, I don't need therapy to help me deal with my anger over this book. I just threw it in the recycling and moved on.
August 19, 2018
One of the most powerful books I've read this year, Rage Becomes Her gives voice to the causes, expressions, and possibilities of female rage. I will do a full video review on my YouTube channel Beautifully Bookish Bethany, but I cannot recommend this book enough. It says the things that have long needed saying. It also strikes the perfect note between anecdotes and hard research, making it very readable. This will make you reconsider everything.
January 19, 2021
Esė pagal šią knygą pirmą kartą skelbta "Literatūroje ir mene", 2001, sausio 8 dieną
Yra knygų, kurios supurto. Jos it vaikiškas kaleidoskopas, kurio spalvoti stikleliai susideda į kaskart kitokį, margą, bet stebėtinai nuosekliai pasikartojantį vaizdą. Tokia 2020-ųjų knyga man tapo Sorayos Chemaly „Pyktis jai tinka“. Apie ką knyga? Apie tai, kad moterys išties turi dėl ko pykti. Ir apie tai, kaip, prisidengus tradicija ir šeima, atimama jų teisė spręsti ir gyventi.
Ei, garbingi vyrai, kada paskutinį kartą buvote apdovanoti klimakterinio diedo epitetu? Aš klimakterine boba pirmąkart buvau pavadinta prieš 23 metus, kai save tikrai garbingu laikęs rimtos naujienų agentūros mandagus ir taktiškas (kaip be to...) redaktorius pasipiktino mano sprendimu pirmenybę naujienų sraute skirti ne savaitinei automobilių pirkimo apžvalgai, o dienos biržos naujienoms. Nuo tada toks komplimentas lydi nuolat, net dabar, kai tas fiziologinis gyvenimo tarpas jau kadais baigėsi.
O kada, vyrai, buvote pavadinti nedapistais? Nedapista turgaus boba mane nuolat tituluoja vyrai ir moterys tiek mano veidaknygės paskyroje, tiek komentuodami visuose įmanomuose žiniasklaidos puslapiuose.
Kai vieno aukšto ir gražaus krepšininko žmonos, užklojusios mano vietą lėktuve savo rankinėmis, drįsau paprašyti leisti atsisėsti (dėl vėžio gydymo kojos nelabai laikė), jos vyras taip pasiuto, kad net 4 kartus garsiai lėktuve rėkė: „Nedapista boba, kurią išrinko Pašilaičių pašalpiniai.“ Neišlaikiau. Sunervino ne tas seksualinis veiksmas, kurio stygių puikiai regi visokio plauko komentatoriai, kiek panieka politikai.
Komiška, bet politiniu idiotu pavadintas anas krepšininkas isteriškai rėkė, kad jį pažeminau jo vaikų akivaizdoje. Kai savo vaikų akivaizdoje jiems į močiutes tinkančią moterį jis vadino nedapista, jo vaikai mokėsi tinkamo moterų statymo į vietą. Tegul nuo vaikystės žino, kam skirtos bobos.
Šią diskusiją girdėjęs garbus profesorius tesugebėjo išspausti: „Stengiausi negirdėti.“
Kaip socialiniai vaidmenys virsta biologiniais
Pastaruoju metu posocialistinėse valstybėse (tarp jų ir Lietuvoje) labai agresyviai kovojama su vadinamaisiais socialiniais lyčių vaidmenimis. Tiesa, bet kokio bandymo aiškintis, o apie ką konkrečiai kalbame, kai vartojame sąvoką socialiniai lyčių vaidmenys (angl. gender), oponentai nenori. Jie tiesiog a priori žino, kad socialiniai vaidmenys reiškia galimybę rinktis lyties tapatybę, o tai yra blogis, pakertantis garbingą tradicinę šeimą ir kažin kokiu mistiniu būdu dauginantis aniems neįtinkančių grupių žmones.
Vis dėlto imsiu ir pakartosiu klausimą. O kas išties mūsų, moterų ir vyrų, gyvenime yra nulemta biologijos, o kas – socialiai sukonstruota? Ir ką išties saugome, kai kovojame su sąvokomis? Esu moteris ir tikrai žinau, kad geriausia Dievo dovana už mano lytį – galimybė net porą kartų po 9 mėnesius savyje jausti bręstančius sūnus. Palaima – tegul ir skausminga – buvo juos gimdyti. Tikrai malonu glausti prie krūtinės ir žinoti, kad tavo pienas padeda vaikams augti. Bet čia biologija ir baigiasi. Visa kita – jau socialiai sukonstruoti vaidmenys.
Vaiko priežiūra, net jei visuomenė įpratusi, kad tuo iki darželio ar ilgiau užsiima moteris, visiškai įveikiama bet kuriam protiškai įgaliam vyrui. Tai įrodo ir vis didesnis procentas vyrų europiečių, ypač Skandinavijos šalyse, kurie prižiūri savo kūdikius ir mažylius. Lietuvoje taip pat vis daugiau vyrų, kurie išeina vadinamųjų tėvystės atostogų.
Mano jaunystėje buvo tradicija (tikiuosi ne ją dabar saugo visokio plauko tradicinių vertybių gynėjai), kad moterys gimdo labai jaunos, o paskui vaikutį augina tuo pačiu metu studijuodamos ir dirbdamos. Esu nuėjusį tą kelią, kaip ir daugybė mano kartos moterų. Ir džiaugiuosi, kad dabar jau turime kitokią socialinę konstrukciją, kuri pamažu tėvystei vis labiau įgalina ir vyrus, o moterims suteikia galimybę ilgiau pasidžiaugti savo mažyliais.
Išskirtinis socialinis lyties konstruktas yra ir vogčia moterims primetama neįgaliųjų ar senatvės bėdų kamuojamų šeimos narių priežiūra. Vadinamojoje tradicinėje visuomenėje vyrų rūpestis monetarizuojamas, taip jiems suteikiant teisę išsisukti nuo emociškai labai sunkaus kasdienio monotoniško slaugymo ar globojimo.
O moterims, ciniškai aiškinant, kad jos iš prigimties ir dėl biologijos švelnesnės ir nuolankesnės, paliekamas kasdienis, dažnai ne tik itin sunkus fiziškai, bet dar labiau emociškai sekinantis rūpestis ir globa. Taip metų metais globodamos neįgalius vaikus ar tėvus, jos esą tiesiog realizuoja tradicines moters prievoles.
Realiame gyvenime tokia moterų ir vyrų rūpesčio kitais skirtis, nors ją ir bandoma grįsti biologija, pasirodo kaip neapmokamas moterų darbas. Ir nereikia didelio proto suprasti, kad slaugymas, rūpestis ir pagalba silpnam šeimos nariui yra ne biologinė paskirtis, o socialinis konstruktas. Tiesiog visuomenė patogiai, daug nesvarstydama stumiama priimti, kad vaikų globa, tėvų karšinimas ir bet kokia kita emociškai sekinanti veikla yra moterų darbas.
Socialinis konstruktas yra ir visuomenės bandymas kiekvienai močiutei – nori ji to ar ne – įpiršti anūkų priežiūrą. Socialinis konstruktas yra ir nuolatinis seksualinis moterų objektyvizavimas kone kiekvienoje gyvenimo srityje. Toks pat ne biologijos, o tik sutarimo nulemtas dalykas yra ir patronuojantis visuomenės santykis su moterimis (rečiau vyrais), kurie dėl vienų ar kitų priežasčių gyvena vieni.
Per pastaruosius metus girdėjau daug „draugiškų“ skatinimų (net iš žurnalistų televizijos laidoje!), neva dabar, kai „taip išgražėjot“, susirasti vyrą. Nė vienas iš šių „geradarių“, vadovaudamasis tais pačiais visuomenės konstruktais, nė karto nesuabejojo, ar mandagus toks patarimas. O ir kam abejoti, juk tradicinių socialinių konstruktų pasaulyje net blogiausias vyras šalia moterį kilsteli į vienišosioms esą nepasiekiamas tikrųjų vertybių erdves.
Reprodukcinio teisingumo stygius, kai moteriai visuomenė primeta prievolę gimdyti ir auginti irgi yra šalutinis socialinės normos padarinys. Beje, ar girdėjote, kad ta visuomenė verstų vyrą auginti, o ne vien paremti pinigais jo pamestą kūdikį? Galima tęsti ir tęsti.
Vyriškumas sukurtas iš moterų pažeidžiamumo
Minėtos knygos originalus pavadinimas ilgesnis: „Pyktis jai tinka: moterų pykčio jėga“. Toks man patinka labiau. Pyktis – pradžioje tegul ir pyktis, kad esi nuolat verčiama objektu, įrankiu, pyktis, kad esi persekiojama, nes tiesiog neatitinki kažkieno lūkesčių, – gali gydyti.
Jau vaikystėje mergaitės mokomos būti geros, o berniukai – drąsūs ir aktyvūs. Savaime ši skirtis nesukelia didelės bėdos, svarbu tik sutarti dėl minėtų dorybių turinio. Ir vėl koją gali kišti semantika.
Gera mergaitė mokoma būti maloni, kalbėti švelniai, džiaugtis globėjišku vyro elgesiu. Gera mergaitė negali pykti (pyksta tik turgaus bobos, ar ne?). Tiesa, mergaitė gali romantiškai liūdėti, tad jau mažutė ji išmoksta savo pykti slėpti liūdesio kauke. Jei moterį užvaldo pyktis ir (ar) neteisybės jausmas, jai leidžiama kur nors vonioje paraudoti. Bet raudoti gera moteris turi tyliai, kitaip gali trikdyti kitų šeimos narių emocinę ramybę, o tai yra netinkama ir šiukštu neleistina.
Gera moteris, jei ir nesidžiaugia globėjišku vyro elgesiu, to niekada neparodo. Ji privalo nereaguoti net tada, kai tas esą kiekvienos moters taip trokštamas (kas kada klausė?) riteriškas vyro elgesys virsta palankiu geranorišku seksizmu. Moteris mokoma priimti paramą, kartu jai užmetant atsakomybę už kitų jausmus. Blogiausia, kad nuolatinis bandymas atitikti kitų lūkesčius, kuris formuoja moters pasaulį, pamažu pakerta laisvę ir galimybes.
Pyktis moteriai tinka. Tiesa, suvoktas pyktis, leidžiantis ir parodyti savo jausmus, ir pareikalauti pagalbos, kai nebėra jėgų (tiksliau – iki tol, kol tos jėgos išseks). Pyktis tinka moterims, kurios save gerbia, tad nematydamos adekvataus partnerio su bet kokiu nesitaiksto.
Kaip man gaila Lietuvos vyrų, kurie esą taip nukankinti, kad vargšams belieka tik žudytis, čia neraudosiu. Palieku vyrams patiems spręsti savo bėdas ir patariu: jeigu save gerbia, tegul liaujasi savo tingėjimą mokytis, dirbti, negebėjimą prisitaikyti ciniškai užversti ant moterų galvų kaip kaltę.
Ilgas, kartais sunkus gyvenimas pamažu išmokė adekvačiai priimti savo jausmus, supykus nevaidinti liūdinčios princesės. Viešojoje erdvėje esu tiek spardyta, kad išmokau nejausti, o mėlynes paversti paskata kovoti už kitus.
Mano profesija suteikia privilegiją būti visokių mačo ir jiems pataikaujančių moterų bokso kriauše. Manęs tas vaidmuo negąsdina. Pyktis man – normali žmogaus reakcija į neteisybę. „Pravertos moterų burnos ir jų aukštesni balsai jau nuo neatmenamų laikų laikomi beprotybės, pavojaus, chaoso ir žlugimo požymiais“, – rašo S. Chemaly. Belieka pažadėti, kad mano burna bus praverta, kol būsiu gyva, o mano aukštas balsas skelbs pavojų ir žlugimą visiems moteris naikinančių tradicijų apologetams.
Yra knygų, kurios supurto. Jos it vaikiškas kaleidoskopas, kurio spalvoti stikleliai susideda į kaskart kitokį, margą, bet stebėtinai nuosekliai pasikartojantį vaizdą. Tokia 2020-ųjų knyga man tapo Sorayos Chemaly „Pyktis jai tinka“. Apie ką knyga? Apie tai, kad moterys išties turi dėl ko pykti. Ir apie tai, kaip, prisidengus tradicija ir šeima, atimama jų teisė spręsti ir gyventi.
Ei, garbingi vyrai, kada paskutinį kartą buvote apdovanoti klimakterinio diedo epitetu? Aš klimakterine boba pirmąkart buvau pavadinta prieš 23 metus, kai save tikrai garbingu laikęs rimtos naujienų agentūros mandagus ir taktiškas (kaip be to...) redaktorius pasipiktino mano sprendimu pirmenybę naujienų sraute skirti ne savaitinei automobilių pirkimo apžvalgai, o dienos biržos naujienoms. Nuo tada toks komplimentas lydi nuolat, net dabar, kai tas fiziologinis gyvenimo tarpas jau kadais baigėsi.
O kada, vyrai, buvote pavadinti nedapistais? Nedapista turgaus boba mane nuolat tituluoja vyrai ir moterys tiek mano veidaknygės paskyroje, tiek komentuodami visuose įmanomuose žiniasklaidos puslapiuose.
Kai vieno aukšto ir gražaus krepšininko žmonos, užklojusios mano vietą lėktuve savo rankinėmis, drįsau paprašyti leisti atsisėsti (dėl vėžio gydymo kojos nelabai laikė), jos vyras taip pasiuto, kad net 4 kartus garsiai lėktuve rėkė: „Nedapista boba, kurią išrinko Pašilaičių pašalpiniai.“ Neišlaikiau. Sunervino ne tas seksualinis veiksmas, kurio stygių puikiai regi visokio plauko komentatoriai, kiek panieka politikai.
Komiška, bet politiniu idiotu pavadintas anas krepšininkas isteriškai rėkė, kad jį pažeminau jo vaikų akivaizdoje. Kai savo vaikų akivaizdoje jiems į močiutes tinkančią moterį jis vadino nedapista, jo vaikai mokėsi tinkamo moterų statymo į vietą. Tegul nuo vaikystės žino, kam skirtos bobos.
Šią diskusiją girdėjęs garbus profesorius tesugebėjo išspausti: „Stengiausi negirdėti.“
Kaip socialiniai vaidmenys virsta biologiniais
Pastaruoju metu posocialistinėse valstybėse (tarp jų ir Lietuvoje) labai agresyviai kovojama su vadinamaisiais socialiniais lyčių vaidmenimis. Tiesa, bet kokio bandymo aiškintis, o apie ką konkrečiai kalbame, kai vartojame sąvoką socialiniai lyčių vaidmenys (angl. gender), oponentai nenori. Jie tiesiog a priori žino, kad socialiniai vaidmenys reiškia galimybę rinktis lyties tapatybę, o tai yra blogis, pakertantis garbingą tradicinę šeimą ir kažin kokiu mistiniu būdu dauginantis aniems neįtinkančių grupių žmones.
Vis dėlto imsiu ir pakartosiu klausimą. O kas išties mūsų, moterų ir vyrų, gyvenime yra nulemta biologijos, o kas – socialiai sukonstruota? Ir ką išties saugome, kai kovojame su sąvokomis? Esu moteris ir tikrai žinau, kad geriausia Dievo dovana už mano lytį – galimybė net porą kartų po 9 mėnesius savyje jausti bręstančius sūnus. Palaima – tegul ir skausminga – buvo juos gimdyti. Tikrai malonu glausti prie krūtinės ir žinoti, kad tavo pienas padeda vaikams augti. Bet čia biologija ir baigiasi. Visa kita – jau socialiai sukonstruoti vaidmenys.
Vaiko priežiūra, net jei visuomenė įpratusi, kad tuo iki darželio ar ilgiau užsiima moteris, visiškai įveikiama bet kuriam protiškai įgaliam vyrui. Tai įrodo ir vis didesnis procentas vyrų europiečių, ypač Skandinavijos šalyse, kurie prižiūri savo kūdikius ir mažylius. Lietuvoje taip pat vis daugiau vyrų, kurie išeina vadinamųjų tėvystės atostogų.
Mano jaunystėje buvo tradicija (tikiuosi ne ją dabar saugo visokio plauko tradicinių vertybių gynėjai), kad moterys gimdo labai jaunos, o paskui vaikutį augina tuo pačiu metu studijuodamos ir dirbdamos. Esu nuėjusį tą kelią, kaip ir daugybė mano kartos moterų. Ir džiaugiuosi, kad dabar jau turime kitokią socialinę konstrukciją, kuri pamažu tėvystei vis labiau įgalina ir vyrus, o moterims suteikia galimybę ilgiau pasidžiaugti savo mažyliais.
Išskirtinis socialinis lyties konstruktas yra ir vogčia moterims primetama neįgaliųjų ar senatvės bėdų kamuojamų šeimos narių priežiūra. Vadinamojoje tradicinėje visuomenėje vyrų rūpestis monetarizuojamas, taip jiems suteikiant teisę išsisukti nuo emociškai labai sunkaus kasdienio monotoniško slaugymo ar globojimo.
O moterims, ciniškai aiškinant, kad jos iš prigimties ir dėl biologijos švelnesnės ir nuolankesnės, paliekamas kasdienis, dažnai ne tik itin sunkus fiziškai, bet dar labiau emociškai sekinantis rūpestis ir globa. Taip metų metais globodamos neįgalius vaikus ar tėvus, jos esą tiesiog realizuoja tradicines moters prievoles.
Realiame gyvenime tokia moterų ir vyrų rūpesčio kitais skirtis, nors ją ir bandoma grįsti biologija, pasirodo kaip neapmokamas moterų darbas. Ir nereikia didelio proto suprasti, kad slaugymas, rūpestis ir pagalba silpnam šeimos nariui yra ne biologinė paskirtis, o socialinis konstruktas. Tiesiog visuomenė patogiai, daug nesvarstydama stumiama priimti, kad vaikų globa, tėvų karšinimas ir bet kokia kita emociškai sekinanti veikla yra moterų darbas.
Socialinis konstruktas yra ir visuomenės bandymas kiekvienai močiutei – nori ji to ar ne – įpiršti anūkų priežiūrą. Socialinis konstruktas yra ir nuolatinis seksualinis moterų objektyvizavimas kone kiekvienoje gyvenimo srityje. Toks pat ne biologijos, o tik sutarimo nulemtas dalykas yra ir patronuojantis visuomenės santykis su moterimis (rečiau vyrais), kurie dėl vienų ar kitų priežasčių gyvena vieni.
Per pastaruosius metus girdėjau daug „draugiškų“ skatinimų (net iš žurnalistų televizijos laidoje!), neva dabar, kai „taip išgražėjot“, susirasti vyrą. Nė vienas iš šių „geradarių“, vadovaudamasis tais pačiais visuomenės konstruktais, nė karto nesuabejojo, ar mandagus toks patarimas. O ir kam abejoti, juk tradicinių socialinių konstruktų pasaulyje net blogiausias vyras šalia moterį kilsteli į vienišosioms esą nepasiekiamas tikrųjų vertybių erdves.
Reprodukcinio teisingumo stygius, kai moteriai visuomenė primeta prievolę gimdyti ir auginti irgi yra šalutinis socialinės normos padarinys. Beje, ar girdėjote, kad ta visuomenė verstų vyrą auginti, o ne vien paremti pinigais jo pamestą kūdikį? Galima tęsti ir tęsti.
Vyriškumas sukurtas iš moterų pažeidžiamumo
Minėtos knygos originalus pavadinimas ilgesnis: „Pyktis jai tinka: moterų pykčio jėga“. Toks man patinka labiau. Pyktis – pradžioje tegul ir pyktis, kad esi nuolat verčiama objektu, įrankiu, pyktis, kad esi persekiojama, nes tiesiog neatitinki kažkieno lūkesčių, – gali gydyti.
Jau vaikystėje mergaitės mokomos būti geros, o berniukai – drąsūs ir aktyvūs. Savaime ši skirtis nesukelia didelės bėdos, svarbu tik sutarti dėl minėtų dorybių turinio. Ir vėl koją gali kišti semantika.
Gera mergaitė mokoma būti maloni, kalbėti švelniai, džiaugtis globėjišku vyro elgesiu. Gera mergaitė negali pykti (pyksta tik turgaus bobos, ar ne?). Tiesa, mergaitė gali romantiškai liūdėti, tad jau mažutė ji išmoksta savo pykti slėpti liūdesio kauke. Jei moterį užvaldo pyktis ir (ar) neteisybės jausmas, jai leidžiama kur nors vonioje paraudoti. Bet raudoti gera moteris turi tyliai, kitaip gali trikdyti kitų šeimos narių emocinę ramybę, o tai yra netinkama ir šiukštu neleistina.
Gera moteris, jei ir nesidžiaugia globėjišku vyro elgesiu, to niekada neparodo. Ji privalo nereaguoti net tada, kai tas esą kiekvienos moters taip trokštamas (kas kada klausė?) riteriškas vyro elgesys virsta palankiu geranorišku seksizmu. Moteris mokoma priimti paramą, kartu jai užmetant atsakomybę už kitų jausmus. Blogiausia, kad nuolatinis bandymas atitikti kitų lūkesčius, kuris formuoja moters pasaulį, pamažu pakerta laisvę ir galimybes.
Pyktis moteriai tinka. Tiesa, suvoktas pyktis, leidžiantis ir parodyti savo jausmus, ir pareikalauti pagalbos, kai nebėra jėgų (tiksliau – iki tol, kol tos jėgos išseks). Pyktis tinka moterims, kurios save gerbia, tad nematydamos adekvataus partnerio su bet kokiu nesitaiksto.
Kaip man gaila Lietuvos vyrų, kurie esą taip nukankinti, kad vargšams belieka tik žudytis, čia neraudosiu. Palieku vyrams patiems spręsti savo bėdas ir patariu: jeigu save gerbia, tegul liaujasi savo tingėjimą mokytis, dirbti, negebėjimą prisitaikyti ciniškai užversti ant moterų galvų kaip kaltę.
Ilgas, kartais sunkus gyvenimas pamažu išmokė adekvačiai priimti savo jausmus, supykus nevaidinti liūdinčios princesės. Viešojoje erdvėje esu tiek spardyta, kad išmokau nejausti, o mėlynes paversti paskata kovoti už kitus.
Mano profesija suteikia privilegiją būti visokių mačo ir jiems pataikaujančių moterų bokso kriauše. Manęs tas vaidmuo negąsdina. Pyktis man – normali žmogaus reakcija į neteisybę. „Pravertos moterų burnos ir jų aukštesni balsai jau nuo neatmenamų laikų laikomi beprotybės, pavojaus, chaoso ir žlugimo požymiais“, – rašo S. Chemaly. Belieka pažadėti, kad mano burna bus praverta, kol būsiu gyva, o mano aukštas balsas skelbs pavojų ir žlugimą visiems moteris naikinančių tradicijų apologetams.
August 15, 2018
Can you read about a book about rage without becoming angry? I certainly could not. Chemaly brings up many relatable experiences and topics: the role of women as selfless caretakers, fear of being publically harassed and shamed, women in politics, benevolent sexism, the #MeToo movement, Hollywood, and general injustices against women.
Clearly, the main topic revolves around anger. Women are taught to suppress their anger because to express it would be unladylike and against gender norms. Instead of sticking to this unhealthy social norm, Soraya Chemaly encourages women to understand and use their anger, not in the name of vengeance, but as a way to create positive change in the world. This involves having uncomfortable conversations, asserting oneself, and getting involved, such as joining a protest or starting a petition.
Overall, this was a great feminist read that encourages women to express themselves and strive for social change. She does not encourage blind rage or revenge, but encourages women to express and channel their rage in a healthy way, rather than allowing the anger to bubble up inside, which can negatively impact anyone. The book is intersectional and well researched. There were some sections that I found to be a bit dry, but I also found other sections to be completely absorbing. I would definitely recommend.
Clearly, the main topic revolves around anger. Women are taught to suppress their anger because to express it would be unladylike and against gender norms. Instead of sticking to this unhealthy social norm, Soraya Chemaly encourages women to understand and use their anger, not in the name of vengeance, but as a way to create positive change in the world. This involves having uncomfortable conversations, asserting oneself, and getting involved, such as joining a protest or starting a petition.
Overall, this was a great feminist read that encourages women to express themselves and strive for social change. She does not encourage blind rage or revenge, but encourages women to express and channel their rage in a healthy way, rather than allowing the anger to bubble up inside, which can negatively impact anyone. The book is intersectional and well researched. There were some sections that I found to be a bit dry, but I also found other sections to be completely absorbing. I would definitely recommend.
December 16, 2024
This books is brillaint and a must read. The author stays true to science and statistics, showing how women are conditioned to not have a voice. Every woman and every intelligent man should read this to understand how women get trapped by society into being less than who they should be. Required reading!
November 14, 2024
“The core issue is that, no matter where you may live in the world, dominant norms of masculinity are actively constructed out of women's vulnerabilities.”
February 8, 2019
Well-researched exploration of gender unequality, focussing on present day USA.
March 26, 2022
"Is it possible to read a book about anger and not get mad? I haven't found it possible in writing one. What are we doing? Why does anyone think that men who cannot say the word 'period' and do not know that the vagina and stomach are not connected are competent and trustworthy leaders?"
I want to get my thoughts out before my book club meeting tomorrow (during which I have been told we will be smashing things! with protective eyewear). I almost feel like I should have read this twice, because I already don't really remember specifics, but I know this was a hugely, uh, enjoyable? That's not right. Entertaining? No no no. Well-written, engaging, infuriating. There we go! Yes, literally I had to stop reading this for extended periods because I could feel my blood pressure physically rising, and the veins in my head were like thrumthrumthrum.
It's like, there's a certain base level of things you just learn to live with, but when laid out back to back like this, and when she's constantly dropping in stories about women and their worst case scenarios, your brain just unconsciously starts to go, wait a second, FUCK THIS. Like, the husband stitch? WHAT EVEN. Her great-grandparents and her poor great grandmother? The entire chapter about sexual assault?? Just, rage emoji, FU meme, fuck all of this cat.
Helpfully, this isn't just a book that makes your blood pressure rise and leaves you hanging, it's also a book about how to use that rage to make productive change. It's about ungendering emotions, not just rage. She doesn't advocate going on a rage and fucking shit up. In fact, she explicitly says the opposite. That anger festers when repressed, that it should be acknowledged and used as fuel, not let alone until you feel like you're about to explode. I would give more specific examples, but I refer you again to the first paragraph, and remind you kindly about my terrible memory.
Highly recommend this one. Will be buying myself a hard copy. (The audio version was great if you're into that! The author reads it herself and does a great job.)
[4.5 stars, rounded up]
September 9, 2019
3.5 stars rounded up
Again, too US- centric for me.
Buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut truths are spoken. And the eloquence with which this restless feeling of absolute madness is explained is top-notch. This is the non-fiction book that I needed to read right now.
Again, too US- centric for me.
Buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut truths are spoken. And the eloquence with which this restless feeling of absolute madness is explained is top-notch. This is the non-fiction book that I needed to read right now.
♫"I hunt the grounds for empathy
And hate the way it hides from me
Of care and thirst I have become"♫
November 10, 2023
“Angry women burn brighter than the sun.”
This exploration on women’s anger, where it comes from, why we swallow it, how the language surrounding is gendered and racialized, etc. was not infuriating but incredibly insightful.
From mundane adjectives we use to communicate with small children to the #MeToo movement to inceIs to wage gaps to the healthcare industry.
This was eye-opening to say the least.
CW: discussions surrounding: rape/sexual assault, sexism, misogyny, racism + misogynoir, sexual harassment, violence, murder, stalking, incest
This exploration on women’s anger, where it comes from, why we swallow it, how the language surrounding is gendered and racialized, etc. was not infuriating but incredibly insightful.
From mundane adjectives we use to communicate with small children to the #MeToo movement to inceIs to wage gaps to the healthcare industry.
This was eye-opening to say the least.
CW: discussions surrounding: rape/sexual assault, sexism, misogyny, racism + misogynoir, sexual harassment, violence, murder, stalking, incest
November 10, 2018
This book is transformative. I am now constantly thinking about how I present myself and consider my emotional response. I have also been forced to do some reflection on what I consider my normal, quiet nature — how much of it is from my own innate personality, and how much is learned? There is a lot to think about here, and I am glad I get to discuss it with some strong women!
September 14, 2018
I have been following Soraya's writing for many years, so I expected this book to be amazing—but it surpassed my wildest expectations. Rage Becomes Her will make you cry—and make you angry—but it will also leave you hopeful and filled with the energy necessary to create change. Astoundingly Good!
October 5, 2018
“There is not a woman alive who does not understand that women’s anger is openly reviled.”
Honestly, Chemaly doesn’t state anything woman today aren’t at least vaguely familiar with. How many of us were told it is not good to express anger because it’s unbecoming of a lady? My friend's would describe me as sassy, which I chose to take as a compliment, and I'm sure some men I've come across would call me a 'fiesty Latina' trying to be flirty. (I think it goes without saying that those men did not get my number). I was often told that getting angry was not good for my health and my short temper was often compared to that of my grandmother’s. While she’s not the nicest woman, I have always admired her ability to speak “sin pelos en la lengua”. In other words, without a filter. In a way, my mother was right: suppressing anger is not great for your health and I have a healthy 82 year grandmother who is still living it up to prove it.
In Rage Becomes Her, Chemaly does a wonderful job exploring the sources of women’s anger (too many to list) and the effects of not being allowed to express it in the same way men can has on our psyche, body, relationships, and society as a whole. Here she encourages women of all ages to acknowledge their anger and learn to harness it in a constructive and healthy way.
Honestly, Chemaly doesn’t state anything woman today aren’t at least vaguely familiar with. How many of us were told it is not good to express anger because it’s unbecoming of a lady? My friend's would describe me as sassy, which I chose to take as a compliment, and I'm sure some men I've come across would call me a 'fiesty Latina' trying to be flirty. (I think it goes without saying that those men did not get my number). I was often told that getting angry was not good for my health and my short temper was often compared to that of my grandmother’s. While she’s not the nicest woman, I have always admired her ability to speak “sin pelos en la lengua”. In other words, without a filter. In a way, my mother was right: suppressing anger is not great for your health and I have a healthy 82 year grandmother who is still living it up to prove it.
In Rage Becomes Her, Chemaly does a wonderful job exploring the sources of women’s anger (too many to list) and the effects of not being allowed to express it in the same way men can has on our psyche, body, relationships, and society as a whole. Here she encourages women of all ages to acknowledge their anger and learn to harness it in a constructive and healthy way.
October 15, 2018
Rage Becomes Her is at once the worst and best book to have started in the midst of the Brett Kavanaugh confirmation. I was already enraged and this book has so much more to make me angry, but it also puts it into context. Of course, the best thing Soraya Chemaly does with Rage Becomes Her is encouraging us to see our anger as healthy.
Chemaly begins by reclaiming anger. Women are supposed to be sad, not angry. We are not supposed to have the power of anger. Anger is a demand, sorrow is acceptance. Then she spends several chapters reminding us why we should be angry, from pay differentials, the women tax, sexual assault, health care inequities, and the flat-out misogyny that impinges so much on our lives. I would read a bit and then have to get up and chop onions VERY HARD or take a short walk just to walk off some of the anger so I could read some more.
It’s not that I didn’t know a lot of this, but concentrating it is an intense experience. However, Chemaly does us the service of ending with a chapter on turning our anger into more than a fiery furnace so that it is instead, the optimistic demand for justice that righteous anger can be.
It took me far longer than usual to read Rage Becomes Her. This is not because this is not a good book, it’s because it is so very intense. Seriously, if you could measure injustice per column-inch, this book is near the saturation point. In spite of bringing all the scholarly receipts, Rage Becomes Her is a very readable narrative. Chemaly brings herself and her family into the narrative, telling of seeing her mother’s evident, but unexpressed rage and finding herself falling into the trap of perpetuating the ‘good girl” socialization with her own daughter who was being bullied. This kind of honest self-reflection reifies many of the broader themes.
This is not a happy book and it will make you angry, but you should read it anyway. We really need to see the bigger picture. We really do need our anger and we need to employ that anger to make the world less unfair and better for women, not just for us, but for the next generations.
I received a copy of Rage Becomes Her from the publisher through NetGalley.
Rage Becomes Her from Atria Books
Soraya Chemaly at Women’s Media Center
https://tonstantweaderreviews.wordpre...
Chemaly begins by reclaiming anger. Women are supposed to be sad, not angry. We are not supposed to have the power of anger. Anger is a demand, sorrow is acceptance. Then she spends several chapters reminding us why we should be angry, from pay differentials, the women tax, sexual assault, health care inequities, and the flat-out misogyny that impinges so much on our lives. I would read a bit and then have to get up and chop onions VERY HARD or take a short walk just to walk off some of the anger so I could read some more.
It’s not that I didn’t know a lot of this, but concentrating it is an intense experience. However, Chemaly does us the service of ending with a chapter on turning our anger into more than a fiery furnace so that it is instead, the optimistic demand for justice that righteous anger can be.
It took me far longer than usual to read Rage Becomes Her. This is not because this is not a good book, it’s because it is so very intense. Seriously, if you could measure injustice per column-inch, this book is near the saturation point. In spite of bringing all the scholarly receipts, Rage Becomes Her is a very readable narrative. Chemaly brings herself and her family into the narrative, telling of seeing her mother’s evident, but unexpressed rage and finding herself falling into the trap of perpetuating the ‘good girl” socialization with her own daughter who was being bullied. This kind of honest self-reflection reifies many of the broader themes.
This is not a happy book and it will make you angry, but you should read it anyway. We really need to see the bigger picture. We really do need our anger and we need to employ that anger to make the world less unfair and better for women, not just for us, but for the next generations.
I received a copy of Rage Becomes Her from the publisher through NetGalley.
Rage Becomes Her from Atria Books
Soraya Chemaly at Women’s Media Center
https://tonstantweaderreviews.wordpre...
November 19, 2018
I don’t know what to say about this book. It is so good. I wanted to start it again as soon as I finished it. Given how angry I am at the world these days, it feels so great to have someone else put your frustrations into words so succinctly and clearly.
August 12, 2019
(4.5 stars rounded up)
Rage Becomes Her is the kind of book that everyone should read. Yes, everyone, because women are half of the population of this planet. You should read it if, like me, you already consider yourself a feminist, but want to know more about it. You should read it if you hesitate whether feminism is still "necessary" - because women have "choices" now. You should read it if you're the type of person to say "we should call it humanism or something, because it's about equality for both [sic] genders!" (This last one is a paraphrasing of what a man once told me in absolute earnest and self-confidence at a dinner party. Needless to say, I disagreed and told him why).
Chemaly has somehow managed to transform a lot of material (100 pages of endnotes' worth) on anger and feminism into a cohesive, rich, compelling book, that touches upon every important aspect of being a woman today: the body, the mind, thoughts, emotions, socialisation, sexual and physical abuse and violence, and so on. Chemaly argues that anger is something that culturally is accepted in men, and denounced in women, but that if women were to embrace anger and use its force, they can affect change and claim their place in a sexist world.
Because "anger is the demand of accountability. It is evaluation, judgment, and refutation. It is reflective, visionary, and participatory. It's a speech act, a social statement, an intention, and a purpose."
Or like an intelligent, treasured friend of mine once said when I was deeply upset about something: "Allow yourself to get angry, because you cannot be angry without feeling in the right, like what you think and feel matters". It's one of the best pieces of advice I have ever received.
I also very much enjoyed Chemaly's astuteness, because she can parse sexist statements like no one I have ever read before. Her sharp readings of events and remarks concerning the election of Donald Trump were extremely interesting, for example, and the way she incorporates very common arguments against feminism and dissects them to lay bare their ideology is fascinating and educational.
I was also glad to see that she included intersectional research wherever she could, with regard to race, class, sexuality, and gender, for like Roxane Gay has said: "All women must be included in the feminist project. Any feminism that does not include all people who identify as women, is trash."
(The only point of criticism I have is about some of the chapter titles. The titles of chapters 2,6,7, and 8 don't really encompass what they are about (they mostly reflect an anecdote or metaphor from the beginning and/or end of that chapter). I can imagine myself wanting to come back to a certain section in a year or so, but not being able to find it that easily, because I will have forgotten the anecdote or metaphor that is the key to these chapters' content.)
Rage Becomes Her is the kind of book that everyone should read. Yes, everyone, because women are half of the population of this planet. You should read it if, like me, you already consider yourself a feminist, but want to know more about it. You should read it if you hesitate whether feminism is still "necessary" - because women have "choices" now. You should read it if you're the type of person to say "we should call it humanism or something, because it's about equality for both [sic] genders!" (This last one is a paraphrasing of what a man once told me in absolute earnest and self-confidence at a dinner party. Needless to say, I disagreed and told him why).
Chemaly has somehow managed to transform a lot of material (100 pages of endnotes' worth) on anger and feminism into a cohesive, rich, compelling book, that touches upon every important aspect of being a woman today: the body, the mind, thoughts, emotions, socialisation, sexual and physical abuse and violence, and so on. Chemaly argues that anger is something that culturally is accepted in men, and denounced in women, but that if women were to embrace anger and use its force, they can affect change and claim their place in a sexist world.
Because "anger is the demand of accountability. It is evaluation, judgment, and refutation. It is reflective, visionary, and participatory. It's a speech act, a social statement, an intention, and a purpose."
Or like an intelligent, treasured friend of mine once said when I was deeply upset about something: "Allow yourself to get angry, because you cannot be angry without feeling in the right, like what you think and feel matters". It's one of the best pieces of advice I have ever received.
I also very much enjoyed Chemaly's astuteness, because she can parse sexist statements like no one I have ever read before. Her sharp readings of events and remarks concerning the election of Donald Trump were extremely interesting, for example, and the way she incorporates very common arguments against feminism and dissects them to lay bare their ideology is fascinating and educational.
I was also glad to see that she included intersectional research wherever she could, with regard to race, class, sexuality, and gender, for like Roxane Gay has said: "All women must be included in the feminist project. Any feminism that does not include all people who identify as women, is trash."
(The only point of criticism I have is about some of the chapter titles. The titles of chapters 2,6,7, and 8 don't really encompass what they are about (they mostly reflect an anecdote or metaphor from the beginning and/or end of that chapter). I can imagine myself wanting to come back to a certain section in a year or so, but not being able to find it that easily, because I will have forgotten the anecdote or metaphor that is the key to these chapters' content.)
December 9, 2020
Džiaugiuosi kiekviena verstine feministine knyga, nes ilgą laiką, atrodo, buvom atitrūkę nuo feminizmo leidybos aktualijų. Rimtesnė feministinių knygų vertimų banga užsibaigė ties kokiais 2000-aisiais, o po to – daugmaž tyla. Kai kas nors užklausdavo, ką feministiško galima būtų paskaityti, tekdavo vardinti dešimties ar penkiolikos metų senumo veikalus. Situacija, rodos, kažkiek keičiasi. Alma Littera neseniai išleido dar vieną įdomų verstinį kūrinį, kurį atsiuntė dovanų.
Tai 500 puslapių pusiau publicistinis, pusiau mokslinis tyrimas apie teisėtas moterų pykčio priežastis ir neatleistiną to pykčio ribojimą ir slopinimą socialinėmis „moteriškumo“ normomis. Knygos autorė, žurnalistė argumentuotai sudoroja kvailą klišę, kad „gera mergaitė“ ir „padori moteris“ neturi rodyti pykčio, nes tai – vyriška emocija. Ji siūlo moterims atsigręžti į šį jausmą ir atrasti jame ne destruktyvią, o produktyvią galią, nes įsisąmonintas pyktis, jos supratimu, turi gerą pokyčių užtaisą, leidžia judėti pirmyn, skatina spręsti problemas. O tas užgniaužtas ir nutildytas pyktis apsiriboja lėkščių svaidymu ir emocinėmis problemomis. Todėl Chemaly sako, kad reikia užsiugdyti pykčio kompetenciją: „Priešingai vyraujančiai nuostatai, kad pyktis temdo protą, šis jausmas jūsų mintims gali suteikti nepaprasto aiškumo ir blaivumo, jei tik pasistengsite jį perprasti“.
Radau daug įdomių įžvalgų apie tai, kad moterims leidžiama pykti, bet jokiu būdu ne už save ar savo patirtą neteisybę, o už kitus, pvz., savo vaikus. Tada jų pyktis suprantamas. Įdomu, kad feminizuotos specialybės yra būtent tos, kuriose privalu užgniaužti tokius neigiamus jausmus kaip pyktis (pvz., slauga, administravimas, aptarnavimo srities darbai). Rodos, kultūrinės normos sustyguotos taip, kad to pykčio moteryse nesimatytų.
Knygos silpnybę matau tame, kad Chemaly daug laiko praleidžia pasakodama, dėl ko moterys turėtų pykti, lyg norėdama užmotyvuoti jas pagaliau normaliai įširsti dėl patiriamos įvairiausių rūšių diskriminacijos, kuri detaliai aptarinėjama knygos skyriuose. Todėl specifiškai apie pykčio fenomeną kalbama palyginti mažai, o apie moterų diskriminaciją – labai daug. Kita vertus, tai paverčia knygą mažiau specializuotu objekto tyrinėjimu, o daugiau tokiu skaitiniu, kuris būtų prieinamas daugeliui, be ypatingo pasiruošimo ar nusiteikimo.
Bet užstrigo ir dar vienas aspektas – knygoje remiamasi daugybe tyrimų, tyrimėlių ir tyrimukų (gale išnašos užima 80 p.), bet įspūdis toks, tarsi autorė būtų niekaip negalėjusi apsispręsti, kurie įrodymai tikrai verti būti įtraukti, o kurie yra tiesiog įdomūs, bet neatlaiko rimtesnės kritikos. Dėl to knygoje atsiranda neesminių apibendrinimų, kuriuos reiktų remti ir ramstyti, kol jie taptų gerai pagrįsti. Ir kartais atrodo, kad skaitai referatą.
Su trūkumais, bet svarbi knyga, pateikianti išsamią lyčių nelygybės apžvalgą ir įrodanti, kad priežasčių pykti yra daugybė, o jei pykstama bus produktyviai ir kūrybiškai – ši emocija gali atnešti rimtus teigiamus pokyčius.
Tai 500 puslapių pusiau publicistinis, pusiau mokslinis tyrimas apie teisėtas moterų pykčio priežastis ir neatleistiną to pykčio ribojimą ir slopinimą socialinėmis „moteriškumo“ normomis. Knygos autorė, žurnalistė argumentuotai sudoroja kvailą klišę, kad „gera mergaitė“ ir „padori moteris“ neturi rodyti pykčio, nes tai – vyriška emocija. Ji siūlo moterims atsigręžti į šį jausmą ir atrasti jame ne destruktyvią, o produktyvią galią, nes įsisąmonintas pyktis, jos supratimu, turi gerą pokyčių užtaisą, leidžia judėti pirmyn, skatina spręsti problemas. O tas užgniaužtas ir nutildytas pyktis apsiriboja lėkščių svaidymu ir emocinėmis problemomis. Todėl Chemaly sako, kad reikia užsiugdyti pykčio kompetenciją: „Priešingai vyraujančiai nuostatai, kad pyktis temdo protą, šis jausmas jūsų mintims gali suteikti nepaprasto aiškumo ir blaivumo, jei tik pasistengsite jį perprasti“.
Radau daug įdomių įžvalgų apie tai, kad moterims leidžiama pykti, bet jokiu būdu ne už save ar savo patirtą neteisybę, o už kitus, pvz., savo vaikus. Tada jų pyktis suprantamas. Įdomu, kad feminizuotos specialybės yra būtent tos, kuriose privalu užgniaužti tokius neigiamus jausmus kaip pyktis (pvz., slauga, administravimas, aptarnavimo srities darbai). Rodos, kultūrinės normos sustyguotos taip, kad to pykčio moteryse nesimatytų.
Knygos silpnybę matau tame, kad Chemaly daug laiko praleidžia pasakodama, dėl ko moterys turėtų pykti, lyg norėdama užmotyvuoti jas pagaliau normaliai įširsti dėl patiriamos įvairiausių rūšių diskriminacijos, kuri detaliai aptarinėjama knygos skyriuose. Todėl specifiškai apie pykčio fenomeną kalbama palyginti mažai, o apie moterų diskriminaciją – labai daug. Kita vertus, tai paverčia knygą mažiau specializuotu objekto tyrinėjimu, o daugiau tokiu skaitiniu, kuris būtų prieinamas daugeliui, be ypatingo pasiruošimo ar nusiteikimo.
Bet užstrigo ir dar vienas aspektas – knygoje remiamasi daugybe tyrimų, tyrimėlių ir tyrimukų (gale išnašos užima 80 p.), bet įspūdis toks, tarsi autorė būtų niekaip negalėjusi apsispręsti, kurie įrodymai tikrai verti būti įtraukti, o kurie yra tiesiog įdomūs, bet neatlaiko rimtesnės kritikos. Dėl to knygoje atsiranda neesminių apibendrinimų, kuriuos reiktų remti ir ramstyti, kol jie taptų gerai pagrįsti. Ir kartais atrodo, kad skaitai referatą.
Su trūkumais, bet svarbi knyga, pateikianti išsamią lyčių nelygybės apžvalgą ir įrodanti, kad priežasčių pykti yra daugybė, o jei pykstama bus produktyviai ir kūrybiškai – ši emocija gali atnešti rimtus teigiamus pokyčius.
December 7, 2018
“In my experience, it is difficult for many adults to accept that boys can and should control themselves and meet the same behavioral standards that we expect from girls. It’s even harder to accept that girls feel angry and have legitimate rights not to make themselves cheerfully available as resources for boys’ development.”
Rage Becomes Her is a timely and extensive exploration of women’s anger. Chemaly discusses varying aspects of this topic, from the differences in the expectations we set for male and female children, to the ways race intersects with gender to set our expectations. (For example, angry black girl stereotypes vs. the image of Asian women as inherently submissive.) There is a clear effort to make the topic intersectional and to show respect for the varying backgrounds and experiences of women.
While Chemaly is definitely making arguments and sharing her own opinions throughout the essays, the book is also brimming with facts. It’s evident that the work was very well researched and the author frequently cites studies to support her points.
Chemaly doesn’t make the argument that the sexism imbued in our society never harms men, but she does make an interesting point about her personal experiences from speaking to students in high schools throughout her career. When she asks students to give examples of sexism against their own gender, the girls, as a general rule, speak from personal experience. They talk about things that happen to them or things they have personally witnessed.
The boys tend to speak in hypotheticals and generalizations: disparities in family court, or the expectation that a man be the provider in a relationship. It’s very commonplace for feminists to talk about ways that the patriarchy ends up inadvertently hurting men, but Chemaly seems to worry that this tendency is an indication of missing the point; men have set the rules that now hurt men. Then the men who are hurt… blame feminists.
This review feels painfully brief, but I find it difficult to express my feelings about this book. If you are a woman, you will probably find the contents extremely validating and sometimes enraging. If you are a man, I hope you will find it eye-opening. It’s something that is at times difficult to read, but I think it’s important.
You can read all of my reviews at my blog, Jenna Bookish!
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Rage Becomes Her is a timely and extensive exploration of women’s anger. Chemaly discusses varying aspects of this topic, from the differences in the expectations we set for male and female children, to the ways race intersects with gender to set our expectations. (For example, angry black girl stereotypes vs. the image of Asian women as inherently submissive.) There is a clear effort to make the topic intersectional and to show respect for the varying backgrounds and experiences of women.
While Chemaly is definitely making arguments and sharing her own opinions throughout the essays, the book is also brimming with facts. It’s evident that the work was very well researched and the author frequently cites studies to support her points.
Chemaly doesn’t make the argument that the sexism imbued in our society never harms men, but she does make an interesting point about her personal experiences from speaking to students in high schools throughout her career. When she asks students to give examples of sexism against their own gender, the girls, as a general rule, speak from personal experience. They talk about things that happen to them or things they have personally witnessed.
The boys tend to speak in hypotheticals and generalizations: disparities in family court, or the expectation that a man be the provider in a relationship. It’s very commonplace for feminists to talk about ways that the patriarchy ends up inadvertently hurting men, but Chemaly seems to worry that this tendency is an indication of missing the point; men have set the rules that now hurt men. Then the men who are hurt… blame feminists.
This review feels painfully brief, but I find it difficult to express my feelings about this book. If you are a woman, you will probably find the contents extremely validating and sometimes enraging. If you are a man, I hope you will find it eye-opening. It’s something that is at times difficult to read, but I think it’s important.
You can read all of my reviews at my blog, Jenna Bookish!
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November 10, 2020
Yra tokia grupė knygų, kurios, gaila, bet vis populiarėja. Apie tai, kokios vargšės tos moterys, juk jos turi būti ir mamos, ir žmonos, ir sėkmingos darbe, ir sutvarkyti namučius, ir suplauti indukus. Ir kad PASAULIS TOKS NETEISINGAS. Lūkesčiai slegia kiekvienos pečius, nes vyrai gali viską, o moterims dirbti reikia trigubai, nes - vėl - tie lūkesčiai. Čia tas kaip ir feminizmas, bet nu vis tiek ašarų pakalnė ir skundų puodas.
Tą patį galima ir apie garsiųjų sesių 'Perdegimą' parašyti. Kaip ir pastaroji, šitos knygos autorė irgi nori padrąsint tas, kurios būtent ir jaučiasi taip, kaip hiperbolizavau, bet iš to išeina dar viena erzinanti knyga, kuri galėjo būti one pageris su antrašte TAI, KAD TU MOTERIS, NEREIŠKIA, KAD TURI SLĖPTI SAVO PYKTĮ.
GAL aš gyvenu burbule. Ir sutinku, kad yra to seksizmo likę ir gerokai per daug, nei norėtųsi, bet nu o dievai, argi ne patys šitą pasaulį kuriam?
Žodžiu, ketinimai geri, bet man tik sukėlė pyktį ir tikrai nemanau, kad JIS MAN TINKA.
Tą patį galima ir apie garsiųjų sesių 'Perdegimą' parašyti. Kaip ir pastaroji, šitos knygos autorė irgi nori padrąsint tas, kurios būtent ir jaučiasi taip, kaip hiperbolizavau, bet iš to išeina dar viena erzinanti knyga, kuri galėjo būti one pageris su antrašte TAI, KAD TU MOTERIS, NEREIŠKIA, KAD TURI SLĖPTI SAVO PYKTĮ.
GAL aš gyvenu burbule. Ir sutinku, kad yra to seksizmo likę ir gerokai per daug, nei norėtųsi, bet nu o dievai, argi ne patys šitą pasaulį kuriam?
Žodžiu, ketinimai geri, bet man tik sukėlė pyktį ir tikrai nemanau, kad JIS MAN TINKA.
September 21, 2018
I wanted to like this book. I need a book that delivers on the subtitle, "the power of women's anger." This book was an exhaustive and depressing litany of all the excellent reasons women have to be pissed off. Enraging to read! And I suppose it's useful to have such validation if you're a young woman, or an uninformed woman, or one who's never been to therapy. One chapter at the end detailed how to transform rage into power. I would have preferred a chapter apiece for specific women who were able to transform their rage into social action, such as the people who created HollaBack to address street harassment.
June 15, 2023
Unsurprisingly, my former boss knocked it out of the park with this one
September 15, 2025
The author dislikes Trump as much as I do. I see Trump more as a Fascist than just a sexist as the author does and I see him as a racist. The author talks about sublimation and I would say Trump's sexism and racism are sublimated by his Fascism. My real dislike for Trump is for his ignoring the rule of law towards supporting his fascism. (Read Spengler, read Carl Schmidt, read Hitler's 'Mein Kampf', you'll see why one can call Trump a fascist).
Most of what is in this book seemed familiar to me.
Logic, reason, and rational thought serve me better than rage or directed anger or emotional responses. Trump is nothing but rage and emotional responses and he is becoming as irrelevant as Captain Queeg with his strawberries, and Trump rages against Baltimore having rats and black people, and wants to send back four Congressional Representatives whose greatest sin is that they are not of his self appointed privileged identity class.
The world is not fair and sexism is real and the universe is not just. When Socrates asked 2400 years ago "what is justice" he makes a categorical mistake since the asking of the question presumes there is such a thing. There is not except for those who remain sitting at the children's table with fairy tale books. This book is good for pointing out the inequities prevailing in today's world especially in the realm of gender, but I already know the world sucks and women often get the short end of the stick, and just as Ayn Rand really doesn't need to tell us selfishness is a virtue, I don't need to be encouraged to think with my emotions especially when it leads to rage.
Most of what is in this book seemed familiar to me.
Logic, reason, and rational thought serve me better than rage or directed anger or emotional responses. Trump is nothing but rage and emotional responses and he is becoming as irrelevant as Captain Queeg with his strawberries, and Trump rages against Baltimore having rats and black people, and wants to send back four Congressional Representatives whose greatest sin is that they are not of his self appointed privileged identity class.
The world is not fair and sexism is real and the universe is not just. When Socrates asked 2400 years ago "what is justice" he makes a categorical mistake since the asking of the question presumes there is such a thing. There is not except for those who remain sitting at the children's table with fairy tale books. This book is good for pointing out the inequities prevailing in today's world especially in the realm of gender, but I already know the world sucks and women often get the short end of the stick, and just as Ayn Rand really doesn't need to tell us selfishness is a virtue, I don't need to be encouraged to think with my emotions especially when it leads to rage.
November 30, 2018
Ugh. I really want to love this book... but I really don't. The book gets two stars for the enormity and depth of the research that the author did, for the beautifully written epilogue, and for family stories that are narrated with so much love and fierceness. But the title of the book and the description is totally misleading: this isn't a book on the power of women's anger, this is an in-depth overview of every possible social, political, and economic reason that women are rightfully pissed off about. And these reasons are presented in overwhelming detail backed with statistics and other kinds of "recent studies". And then towards the end, the author mentions that she interviewed many female leaders and activists, such as Janelle Monae, but there is so little content that actually uses those interviews. Where is that research? How were those interviews used for this book? It seems like the editor working with Chemaly didn't do their job of helping the author shape this thorough research into a good book.
October 3, 2018
Simply: she's telling me things I already know. I don't need help discovering or validating my rage.
I'm stopping after the second chapter and I don't know if I'll come back to it. I realize there are women who need this kind of information, but that's just not me: I'm pretty clear on both the vastness of the oppression we encounter and the righteousness of women's anger in the face of it. I was hoping for more interesting discussions of what we have done/do with our anger, and what it might allow us to become if we learned to wield it better. There are tantalizing moments, such as when she talks about anger being essentially optimistic (it demonstrates an ability to envision an alternative reality) ... but then she goes back into cataloging sexism. I'm reading more reviews to see if that is worked out later, but so far, I'm not convinced it's worth my time.
I'm stopping after the second chapter and I don't know if I'll come back to it. I realize there are women who need this kind of information, but that's just not me: I'm pretty clear on both the vastness of the oppression we encounter and the righteousness of women's anger in the face of it. I was hoping for more interesting discussions of what we have done/do with our anger, and what it might allow us to become if we learned to wield it better. There are tantalizing moments, such as when she talks about anger being essentially optimistic (it demonstrates an ability to envision an alternative reality) ... but then she goes back into cataloging sexism. I'm reading more reviews to see if that is worked out later, but so far, I'm not convinced it's worth my time.
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