実は私セックスレスで悩んでました

by Togame

人には言えない性の悩みを赤裸々に描いた、衝撃の実話ストーリー!

旦那の性欲はうすく、嫁の性欲は馬並み。
心は満たされているのに、カラダだけが満たされない…。
結婚相手との性欲格差に苦しむ私の出した結論は―――。

「あなたが抱いてくれないから私、浮気します。」
―――そう思うのは悪いこと?

pixiv掲載後、またたくまに話題を呼んだ実録マンガが待望の書籍化!

Genres: Manga, Nonfiction, Graphic Novels, Comics, Memoir, Romance, Comedy

144 pages, Kindle Edition

First published August 23, 2018

Reviews

[J Kuria · Rating 2 out of 5]

I was catfished (or did I catfish myself?) into reading this when I saw the very familiar looking cover art and thought it was related to Kabi Nagata's work (which I love). It's not and I should have used my eyes better to see that and stay away from this train wreck. This was painful to read and after hearing that the work is autobiographical all I can say is yikes...marry people you like and who like you, folks.

[Cassie Fleurs · Rating 1 out of 5]

I was excited about reading this and was really liking a women being open about her sexual desires, we don't see this dynamic very often. The feelings of the protagonist were very relatable but i couldn't finish it.

The excusea the husband's give are ao terrible, making his wife lose weight and complaint that he doesn't see her as a woman were so problematic. He put all the blame in her and also made her solely responsible of fixing the problem while he refused to do anything for the relationship. He didn't even take her needs seriously, just straight out make her feel undesirable.

I would've dumped his inconsiderate, uncompromising ass .

[Boujee · Rating 1 out of 5]

oof this is a chore to read on account of how completely unlikeable her husband is lmao

[Christina · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved this little novel. Dry spells are normal, stressing about it is normal, and I think it's wonderful that this was published because we need to normalize being sexless. And talking about it so it doesn't become a relationship barrier.

Her husband's "Nope, I'm good" face cracked me up. Could have did without the body shaming (60 kilo is so tiny!) BUT I also recognize this is an autobiographical work and that was probably part of her journey (which makes me sad, but it's a valid feeling, woman-to-woman).

[Rebecca · Rating 3 out of 5]

I wasn't sure if I would be able to fully understand this as an Ace person, and I did identify with the husband more, but at the end of the day, this is less about sex and more about the fact that without discussion and compromise, a relationship can't work. Sex is, in a sense, just the catalyst.


Full review eventually appearing on ANN.

[✮ ✧˖°.𝙃𝙖𝙧𝙧𝙞𝙚𝙩𖦹₊˚⊹☆ · Rating 4 out of 5]

⭐️4.25



Chapter 1:

"𝙄𝙛 𝙄 𝙘𝙤𝙪𝙣𝙩𝙚𝙙 ‘𝙤𝙣𝙚, 𝙩𝙬𝙤, 𝙩𝙝𝙧𝙚𝙚, 𝙛𝙤𝙪𝙧, 𝙛𝙞𝙫𝙚, 𝙨𝙞𝙭’ 𝙩𝙝𝙚 ‘𝙨𝙞𝙭’ 𝙬𝙤𝙪𝙡𝙙 𝙜𝙚𝙩 𝙢𝙚 𝙝𝙤𝙧𝙣𝙮"
The way I cackled at this😭
This was funnier than what I expected! The FMC is so funny and cute, she made me laugh a lot throughout this chapter. My only issue till now is when the MMC would say things like "𝙈𝙖𝙮𝙗𝙚 𝙞𝙩’𝙙 𝙝𝙚𝙡𝙥 𝙞𝙛 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙡𝙤𝙤𝙠𝙚𝙙 𝙖 𝙡𝙞𝙩𝙩𝙡𝙚 𝙥𝙧𝙚𝙩𝙩𝙞𝙚𝙧" and I don’t like that the FMC doesn’t have an issue with this kind of mindset. I hope this whole manga isn’t about her trying to change herself to seduce him.


Chapter 2:

He’s really getting on my nerves right now…



Chapter 3:

I think she should leave him unless he’s willing to communicate and pay her more attentions.



Chapter 4:

The flashback was so sweet!



Chapter 5:

This was such a good resolution! I was questioning things before, but I love how everything turned out at the end.

I was wondering why the FMC has the same name as the author of this manga; turned out this is the author’s story! What a fun little plot twist.




104

[Katherine · Rating 1 out of 5]

*Burn the husband with fire*

Those bullshit excuses that husband's kept giving at how he could not 'do it' with his wife when beforehand he could!!! Oh and why did you keep telling her reasons why you couldn't bone her, (he said she was fat, to wear make up because she's not good looking enough naturally for him), and then take it back - like, you don't need to do those thing I just said would make me attractive to your ugly ass!
I know he didn't say that but it was the gist of his complaints, why couldn't you say that your not that sexual as a person or its his own problem/issues - not hers!

And complaining that he doesn't see her as a woman - what the fuck.

He put all the blame on her and also made her solely responsible of fixing all the problems in their relationship and he sat back not caring (about the wife he apparently loves), that shes going through mental health issues and making her feel less of a person!

[Boujee · Rating 2 out of 5]

well this was disappointing lol it's supposed to be a comedy about a wife who can't get her husband to nail her, and the rejection and reasons behind those rejections are supposed to be played for laughs, but it's honestly just kind of painful. i'd have given it one star, if not for how adorable the artwork is -- the only reason i bothered finishing this at all

[Alyssa · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book was such a mess everything could’ve been solved if they had simply talked it out like adults only gave it two stars instead of one cause stuff “worked out “ at the end the way it takes all the way for basically the end for the dude to realize he was hurting her with his disgusting comments just blows my mind I’m not one to judge others relationships but this guy just seems like a jerk especially spending like around 300 usd on their credit card and lying about it not even really apologizing and then asks her to marry him I just this girl seems so dumb for staying with him

[Elizabeth Thorne · Rating 2 out of 5]

Talk about an unhealthy relationship. I felt bad for Togame for the beginning of the story when it seemed like she was trying to make her marriage work but after her husband wouldn't have sex with her for 6 months I get like she was beating a dead horse. When asked his reason for not having sex with her he gives answers like maybe if you lost weight or prettier. And to top it all off, tells her that he sees her as a pet. I would have left him.

[Larakaa · Rating 1 out of 5]

I‘m a bit angry because judging from the cover I thought this was as good as Kabi's comics. I thought this was about asexuality.

It‘s not. It’s really bad.

[Ander · Rating 3 out of 5]

Amiga, date cuenta. Sigue aumentando la línea de autoficción incómoda con portadas rositas de Fandogamia con Sexless , un manga que va a provocar sensaciones muy encontradas.

La autora, Togame, narra su propia experiencia matrimonial a partir de una sequía sexual marcada por su propio deseo desatado y la total ausencia de apetito en su marido. Con vocación, hasta cierto punto, didáctica, la mangaka narra el profundo sentimiento de frustración y culpa, alimentadas por la actitud paternalista y totalmente egoísta del marido, al no ser capaz de excitarlo o hacerle interesarse por el sexo. Vergüenza corporal derivada de los cánones de belleza japoneses (aunque algún cabestro por otros lares también considerará 60 kilos en una mujer adulta como "gordura", supongo), carga mental, infidelidades consideradas... Demasiados elementos presentes en el manga que podrían haberse evitado con un sano y serio diálogo entre la pareja. Aunque todo ello queda únicamente justificado por el carácter autobiográfico de la obra, como si vieras a una amiga cagarla constantemente y, hasta cierto punto, te vieras en la necesidad de apoyarla hasta que caiga del guindo. Date cuenta...

Al margen del tema, Togame es quizá la autora más rica en recursos narrativos de la mencionada línea de Fandogamia, que cuenta con Kabi Nagata, Chii, Mariko Kikuchi o Lizth Bianc. A un dibujo manga más canónico y cuidado se le suman numerosas viñetas expresivas, caricaturescas, variadas y sobrecargadas que, aunque en ocasiones hacen de la lectura algo caótico, sí que fomentan su expresividad. Sexless no es, pues, un manga de autoficción donde el arte es secundario a lo que se quiere contar con palabras, sino una herramienta igual de importante que contribuye a matizar y subrayar emociones y hasta provocar carcajadas buscadas (y acentuadas por la desternillante traducción de Guillermo Torres) con lo que es, evidentemente, un drama. Una interesante obra para generar debate (y enseñar a ese amigue en situación similar).

[kuristina- tabreez · Rating 5 out of 5]

In this autobiographical manga, Togame and her husband are the picture perfect lovey dovey married couple on their way to having children! Much like most couples, however, they are struggling with something… In Togame’s case, she can’t get her husband to sleep with her!
Secret to all but her husband, Togame has been suffering from a sexless marriage— and yet he can’t seem to understand how it’s hurting her!

This manga is comical and fun as we watch Togame attempt every single idea in her head and fail at all of them. But it also cuts deep to the bone in how raw and real it can feel with Togame’s realistic dilemma and her perfectly illustrated feelings and troubles. Togame loves her husband, he’s the only one for her, but the one thing he can’t satisfy is her body— and it’s driving her crazy trying to shoulder the trouble of it all on her own.

Secretly, I’ve Been Suffering About Being Sexless shows us how extremely important it is to stop and truly listen and try to understand the feelings and perspectives of the people we care about. We may be hurting the person we love most more than we would have realized on our own. It is up to us to try our best to understand our loved ones and to ask them to explain themselves to us where we don’t understand… so that we CAN understand.

“Married couples… partners… there are as many worries in the world as there are people.”
Just because Togame and her hubby harbored these specific issues and came to this specific compromise doesn’t mean their way of handling things is the cookie cutter answer. Relationships are as individualized as the people comprising it and therefore so are their shared issues and solutions. If you feel like you can relate to this manga then the author and I both implore you to rely on your partner a bit more and try to get them to see your side as much as you’re willing to see their side. Remember, in a relationship, your struggles are never your own sole burden.

[Madam Sorbet · Rating 3 out of 5]

M'esperava més

[Pam · Rating 3 out of 5]

I will say that this book is not for everybody, not even for die hard manga fans. (In fact, I think manga fans will hate it.) However, I think women who have experienced sexless relationships might give this a go. This is based off of the author's own experience, so she knows what it's like to not be satisfied in a relationship. There's comedy to make it light-hearted, but this is not an uncommon issue and is not one that is typically brought up in conversation. It provides some insight for those struggling on what to do with their relationships. (Read the afterword. This is not a "one situation solves all" kind of thing. It's supposed to be a conversation starter.)

[Kit · Rating 3 out of 5]

So that was hard to get through for a bit there.

Storytime:
Once upon a time, I was in a relationship with a person who started everything out physical quite early on. They were so affectionate, touchy-feely, and attentive. Over time, long-distance impacted communication and intimacy. Eventually, they came home and we lived together a bit.

I was astounded with how quickly that affectionate, physical person changed into someone who seemed to prefer everything else in their time but me, especially after how little we got to be together before. I couldn't understand what I was doing wrong, so I tried getting better at makeup, dressing nicer, cooking more, paying more compliments. It didn't seem to change a thing, so I found myself bitter, angry, resentful, and thoroughly unsatisfied. The resentment led to behavior that pushed my partner away, and toward someone new, who asked less of them. In the end, we were mismatched in nearly every conceivable way that was needed to make a relationship work, so even if it was difficult, I learned a lesson: I'm never begging anyone I'm dating to enjoy being with me when I know there are plenty of people out there who'd love a chance.

In short, I have absolutely been in this woman's place, in nearly all of my romantic relationships.

I expected something like that to happen here.

For all of the humorous parts of this manga, they hit on some pretty solid points around love languages in relationships. When you feel most loved with physical touch, for example, to have an absence of that can often mean you aren't noticing the many other ways someone is trying to show you love. There is a comfortable lesson here too in understanding that sometimes, when you're so focused on what you want, you may not be leaving room for someone else to help you solve the problem. There can be a lot more pressure on someone than you realize, and that can be the key to unlocking the mysterious motivations behind someone else's experience of the same problem.

[Meepelous · Rating 3 out of 5]

Gender and sexuality, while well within the heterosexual cis gender monogamy box (both characters were virgins when they got together for the first time) Togame is still pushing back against some very bad gender stereotypes. Namely that "men" are more into sex then "women". Sexual drive is obviously not related to any sort of gender ID.

That said, people's real lives sometimes don't make perfect sense and go down odd rabbit holes. That's certainly the case with Sexless, particularly during Togame's foray into dieting - particularly after admitting they have struggled with this before. It isn't even made clear how this will solve what appears to be her husband's "problem" when it comes to not being as into sex as Togame. Overall, digging deeper into the husband character would have been nice. That said, as I said, real life is messy and maybe her husband really has maybe three points of self-reflection?

unsurprisingly, race, class and disability are largely ignored. This is a very focused book and we don't touch on issues of money, any medical issues that her husband might be going through, or the way this problem might work out in different cultures.

As far as my feelings on relationship advise, I do appreciate that after everything communication is key.

Definitely a manga for people who already like manga, especially if you already love My Lesbian Experience with Loneliness which this is obviously trying to capitalize on. I was a bit surprised that this is apparently sienen manga, although I guess I see it.

[Danielle Jones · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow!! This was amazing. She put out on the table what so many couples go through in varying degrees obviously. Still, we all have our own version of this story, or a situtation in which we dont fill fulfilled in our romantic relationships. We blame ourselves, become depressed, go crazy, try to compesate in numerous ways to fill the void being left by our significant other. I loved this, I also love that she showe how the problem was not just hers or his but theirs...that was really important. No one person is to blame for how any relationship is going. It takes two, no matter the situation. Communication is very important and I feel like she did a good job of highlighting that by attempting to ask him what was wrong, even though he would not give her a straight answer. I am glad that she finally let it all out and told him how she really felt in the end. This lead to an eye opening moment and turning point in their relationship. I also love how she didnt just ignore what could have gotten them into this situation in the first place and took the time to try and figure out what the issue was in the first place by asking him. I also love the fact that she did it in a way that wasnt confrontational, or aggessive in anyway. It all came from a place of love. This is one of the best manga I have ever read and will be checking out more from this author.

[Jessica · Rating 3 out of 5]

I have to admit before I even got to the second chapter I was like she needs to leave this dude. All of a sudden he's just not into sex and always denying her with the lamest excuses. And he's not even trying to humor her with some pity sex. We do eventually find out why he's denying her. But not until after having to nerve to tell her she needs to work on her looks. So she's busting her ass to get into shape, busting out the sexy lingerie and cosplays and still nothing from him. And don't even get me started on him practically calling her some type of cute animal he cannot bear to sleep with.

I get what he was going through is more common in relationships than is talked about. But did he honestly expect her to just be okay with not having sex anymore? Plus it didn't seem like he was working on resolving his issue with therapy or whatever. And if she had actually gone through with cheating on him. Would he get angry? Not that her cheating on him would be okay but you can't just take away something in your relationship, never explain why this thing has stopped happening and just expect your partner to be okay with being kept in dark.

[harriyanna hasanati hook · Rating 4 out of 5]

not me over here crying over something i can't relate too.
but i get it. i do relate to it. i get not feeling like you aren't good enough for someone (or just people in general). you may not be able to relate to it on the sex situations, but when it comes to the beauty and identity aspects, it's hits so hard. and it hurts.
i may not be able to relate to the author about her situation, but i can relate to how she's feeling. from having trust issues, horrible family, and insecurities ruining you, this book helped me feel a little less alone than i already do.
i randomly saw this book today in the manga section at the book store. it looked as if it had been returned (as the back of it was dirty). i am really iffy on buying used books because of the quality of them, along with the fact that this one was brought back. but i grabbed it anyway. everything happens for a reason and this was the perfect time for me to read this story.

[Paula Valenca · Rating 4 out of 5]

Painful at times, but worth sticking till the end.
I think this past decade there has been an increased awareness and acceptance, in the queer community, that there is a spectrum to sexual desire. However, I have no idea where things stand in the “straight world”, so to speak. This book was an interesting and funny take on the later.
It strays away from any of the usual manga themes and it’s auto-biographical; and yet, it’s also clearly targeted at an adult and married female audience. On the other hand, there are things that are, well, contextually Japanese and may bother western people (I don’t think many westerners would consider 60kgs/155cm specially overweight). So, possibly not an immediate pick for many readers, but I still think worth checking.

[LauCeravieja · Rating 2 out of 5]

En el caso de este tomo único la verdad es que me he llevado una decepción, pero porque pensaba que se reflexionaría sobre el problema que supone la ausencia de sexo en el matrimonio para la autora de una forma diferente y mas trabajada. No pienso que se acabe de explicar claramente la forma en la que se plantean las diferentes soluciones, y hay comentarios despectivos sobre el físico de la autora por parte de su pareja y su propia autopercepción es tan negativa que pienso que se tendría que haber hecho algo de crítica o reflexión en torno a ello. En conclusión, a mí es una historia que no me ha llegado, pese a que el mensaje que trata de transmitir es positivo.

[Jessica Walsh · Rating 3 out of 5]

Back when I picked this up at the book store, I'd honestly hoped from the title and the description on the back that it would explore being asexual or have that sort of character. With my growing love of autobiographical manga that tackles such complicated topics (I'll list some in the recommendations section) I thought this would be right up my alley. And it kinda was, just not really in the way I expected.

Read the full review at Well, Are They? A Queer Review Blog

https://wellarethey.blogspot.com/2021...

[Crocat · Rating 4 out of 5]

While it's sad to see people suffering from problems like mismatched libido within a marriage, it's also very important that issues like that get out there. Things like this are actually important to the wellbeing of both people in the relationship, and ultimately the relationship itself.

I have to say, though, that man seems to be making the bare minimum level of input into the relationship.

[cam U ´꓃ ` U · Rating 2 out of 5]

hated the husband, it's okey to not want to have sex but he should have been open about his insecurity from the begining instead of making the author change herself and making her feel like she wasn't enough, i hope she can find someone that doesn't hide with honestly hurtfull comments and is open about any insecurity or issue they have with sex, communication is key!!!!!

[Travis · Rating 3 out of 5]

Autobiographical manga about a woman struggling with the fact that her husband isn't very interested in sex. It's okay, but not great.

[jester · Rating 2 out of 5]

they really tricked me into reading this by copying the cover art of the iconic My Lesbian Experience with Loneliness and making me think this would be a similar huh

[Abigail · Rating 1 out of 5]

probably mostly on my part, but felt very underwhelmed. upon reading the title i had hoped this would be about recounting the struggles of being ace, but, not quite.. lol

[Tatiana · Rating 2 out of 5]

I read this expecting it to be an ecchi type manga with lots of sexy moments. But it's a autobiographical story about a woman married to a man who wont have sex with her despite the fact that they want to have a baby and that she pretty consistently asks for it.

It was a weird manga to read. I felt very strongly that the author should've cheated on her husband, or just left him. It was strange to me that she was not only so unhappy but that her husband rebuffed her saying she should lose weight (which she did), saying she looked too cute to have sex with and otherwise being SUPER obtuse about it.

Like this author experienced so much anguish, and it took a long time for her to find out why he didnt want to have sex. And it felt really underwhelming, for her to go through so much, and for that to be his reason.

I think the manga should've started off by saying it was a memoir, at least, to contextualize everything.

I was really underwhelmed and disappointed.

[bow down to our ace king victor vale]

curious enough to finish it, don’t know how i feel after doing so. ends w/ the message of: communicate!! try to understand each other!! which true but it doesn’t rlly feel all that satisfactory here. regardless, if they continue on w/their relationship, i wish them the best.
n e way
a) what was the money for?? kinda shady but ok whatever
b) both characs kinda irked me. the miscommunication was rlly just :,))) like why did he have to make comments and excuses abt her weight and her looking like a ‘fairy’, pet or whatever?? it’s valid to not want sex. 100%. no questions asked. but that’s not the way to go abt it. at least, he acknowledged it at the end but :/. cmon. also, the MC putting an enhancer thing ?? in his food 😟 uh.