Carson Clare's Trail Guide to Avoiding Death

by Bruce McCandless III

Parents call it adolescence. You know it as the Freak Show. Loserville. The Years of Whiny Posers. Growing up is hard enough already. Now, with the help of Carson Clare's Trail Guide to Avoiding Death (And Other Unpleasant Consequences), you'll learn about some of the additional idiocies, mortal dangers, and personal potholes that are waiting to trip you up as you navigate the smelly bog between elementary school playgrounds and the high school parking lot. From Aliens to Zombies, and the many Bullies, Body Shamers, Mean Kids and Sharks in between, here's what you have to look forward to. Maybe you'll get lucky and avoid them all. If so, you'll be the first!

Genres: Poetry, Fiction, Humor

102 pages, Kindle Edition

First published August 2, 2017

About the author

Bruce McCandless III is the author of the biography Wonders All Around: The Incredible True Story of Astronaut Bruce McCandless II and the First Free Flight in Space, an Amazon bestseller that was named a Best Book of 2021 by both Men's Journal and Kirkus Reviews. Wonders All Around is first and foremost a relationship story about a family caught up in a father's ambitions, disappointments, and struggle for professional redemption, all as played out against the real-life drama of America's manned space program in the Apollo, Skylab, and early Shuttle years.

A lifelong Texan, Bruce is also the author of the interlinked historical horror novels In the Land of Dead Horses, Sour Lake, and The Black Book of Cyrenaica, as well as a modern fairy tale for pre-teens called Beatrice and the Basilisk. Named Austin's Poet Laureate by the Austin American-Statesman in 2000, he has published poems, stories, and essays in The Seattle Review, The Asian Wall Street Journal, Pleiades, Bayou, and other journals.

With his daughter Carson, Bruce wrote Carson Clare's Trail Guide to Avoiding Death (And Other Unpleasant Consequences), a book of poems for middle-schoolers that Indie Reader gave a perfect 5.0 score and that Kirkus Reviews calls an "amusing and friendly handbook" with "delightful verse and surprisingly useful tips." Bruce and Carson also teamed up to write Beatrice at Bay (2020), a Beatrice sequel that Kirkus touts as "an often thrilling and nuanced fantasy novella."

Reviews

[KarnagesMistress · Rating 5 out of 5]

I always enjoy seeing what else Bruce McCandless's mind has spawned. I enjoy passing the books along even more. You can't just keep something like this all to yourself! Here is the best way to summarize this book: Imagine that our beloved Uncle Shelby was an adolescent girl, and that the art he drew was more graphic novel than comic panel. Did I mention that I can't recommend it enough? Even better, like so much of McCandless's work, it is suitable for all ages. This book will also satisfy the 2020 Watauga County Public Library Reading Challenge categories: A Book You Were Meant to Read but Haven't Gotten to; A Book You've Started Before but Never Finished; A Book You Own but Haven't Read; A Book of Poetry; A One-Sitting Book. I received this book for free through Goodreads Giveaways.

[TL *Humaning the Best She Can* · Rating 3 out of 5]

*read for free with Kindle Unlimited *

Some not so good, some mildly amusing, a handful of good ones.

Would recommend more for the younger set.
Everyone doesn't have the same sense of humor so it may be for you.

Almost had a Shel Silverstein vibe but not quite there.

Not a bad read, just meh for this reader *shrugs*

[Holly L'Heureux · Rating 2 out of 5]

I won this book in a Goodreads giveaway. This book was a good conglomeration of poems, but it did not seem to flow with me. They were not bad but not really my style is all. I am glad that I won this book though. It was fun to read.

[Finley · Rating 5 out of 5]

I received a free digital copy of this book through a giveaway hosted on GoodReads.

Carson Clare’s Field Guide to Avoiding Death was a very silly and very enjoyable little book of themed poems. Although each poem warns of the dangers of the world, it did not fail to bring a smile to my face. And, although it was obviously meant to be fun, it also carried with it not one but many very good messages: don’t do things to harm or torment others, but do not allow those who were mean to you in the past hold you down, and most of all, live life to the fullest because worrying will only make you miss out. The whole book can be read in less than an hour, and though some words are larger to make the warnings sound more “official”, the book itself is of a decently low reading level. The dangers also cover a wide range of topics that kids will find fun, such as disgusting school lunches, aliens and zombie, and Santa going on a diet, as well as more thought-provoking ones about bullies, revenge, and selfishness. It’s a perfect book for a reluctant reader, as it’s a lot more fun than many other fare for children and young teens, and the chance to read and say funny-sounding words or talk about gross and funny topics make it a good choice for teachers preparing for a poetry unit or memorization/recitation assignment. And while I am not of its primary target audience, I can say with certainty that I loved reading it, and very much hope the teaser for a sequel is real and not just a way for the author(s) to put in some final digs to topics that did not have the chance to write full poems for. So, whether young or just young at heart, I highly encourage you to read this book if given the chance!

[Diane Hernandez · Rating 4 out of 5]

Poems about middle school threats with excellent illustrations. Carson Clare’s Trail Guide to Avoiding Death has poems about everyday fears like bullies and sharks along with less common ones like Australia, old people and cars.

Fears abound in the Trail Guide. Many are imaginatively described. Revenge is a zoo of paranormal beasts begging to be set free. The school cafeteria includes crawling rice pilaf and chili that smells like your foot. Old people hit a little too close to home. Each fear is rated and practical survival tips are given. Many are funny such as for robots:

Danger Rating: We’re doomed
Survival Tips:
• Stay off the grid
• KILL ALL ROBOTS!
• If tip above doesn’t work: OBEY ALL ROBOTS!

You have to love a book when it depicts the expulsion of Adam and Eve from the garden of Eden as a “sweet lease deal rescission.” 4 stars! I can’t wait to see how the authors deal with my most prevalent fear, Algebra, in volume 2 of Carson Clare’s Trail Guide to Avoiding Death.

Thanks to the authors, the independent publisher, Ninth Planet Press, and Goodreads for providing me a copy through the Goodreads giveaways program.

[Kathy Heare Watts · Rating 5 out of 5]

I actually laughed and eew'd and aah'd as I read some of the poems. They are thought provoking and at times, you wish you had skipped it--but isn't that life?

I have a granddaughter who I think will definitely appreciate the creativity of this book.

Some of my favorites included: Aliens, Cars, and Old People.

I won a copy of this book during a Goodreads giveaway. I am under no obligation to leave a review or rating and do so voluntarily. I am paying it forward by passing this book along to a family member who I think will enjoy it too.

[CatherineReads · Rating 5 out of 5]

A very fun and relatable book! I thought it was funny and cute while covering important topics. The images are beautiful also. Each poem has a danger rating and survival tips which are all hilarious. My favorite poems were The Patriarchy, The Cafeteria, Grammar, Selfies, Social Media, Nazis, Geography, and Body Shamers, but they were all really good. I highly recommend especially if the reader is in middle school or recently out. Looking forward to volume two!

[Kerry Pickens · Rating 4 out of 5]

It's a cute little book for teenagers with some poetry and graphic art. The drawings are better than than poetry. It would make a nice gift.

[Erika Kraus · Rating 5 out of 5]

I won this book in the giveaway and was charmed by the authors' humor and insight. Best read out loud!

[Angela Resendez · Rating 3 out of 5]

I received this book from Goodreads Giveaways. It was middle of the road for me. Some poems were really good and some were meh. Overall, I think a younger demo will enjoy this book of poems.

[Alida McDermott · Rating 4 out of 5]

This poem book is such an easy fun read. It mostly rhymed and had me laughing out loud as I was reading. It was good and an extra bonus with all the dramatic artwork.
Side note: the font is small which is a negative.

[Sheralee · Rating 5 out of 5]

I remember adolescence! This is a fun read! It's just outright funny. Even the bios about the authors and illustrator are a laugh. I really enjoyed the danger ratings and survival tips. If you want to know what those are, read the book. This book is a keeper to reread often.

[Nat · Rating 5 out of 5]

Cute little book. The graphic are very nice.

[Denise · Rating 4 out of 5]

The poems seem to have the right mix that teens would enjoy and adults wouldn't worry about gifting it to them (especially with the useful advice). The artwork is wonderful!

[David · Rating 4 out of 5]

It has been a few years since I was in middle school, but I believe I still can appreciate good poetry and some well-done illustrations to accompany some of the poems. Poems that deal with subjects such as aliens, old folks, a body shamed Santa who loses his way on the way to developing washboard abs, and even a poem on tater tots and more all in this collection rendered with good humor and a bit of tongue-in-cheek. I don't know of any other poetry collection that has a danger rating at the end of each poem and a list of survival tips. For the poem "Tater Tots" the Danger Rating read "None. We just like tater tots." The longest and the most complex in terms of rhyme scheme and telling a story is "Body Shamers" about Santa deciding to mold a new man out of himself and how he loses something important along the way. In the poem "Weird Vegetables," there is the survival suggestion of stuffing Brussels sprouts in your pants until the coast is clear. As somebody who likes broccoli and Brussels sprouts, I found that a poor use of a fine vegetable. Most, if not all, of these poems deserve to be read out loud. Just be careful. You may find it hard to survive if you read some of these around the wrong folks.

[Jeana · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is a fun book that is a made of poems that relate to the intricacies of the adolescent world. As I have been out of that world for quite a while now I find something like this book to be a great way for fellow adolescence (i.e. freak show) to find humor in what can be a very confusing and often embarrassing world. It takes a good while to figure out that this part of life is a tiny fraction of the whole picture and this book is a great way for others to relate to the humor in it. The art in this book is deep, original, colorful and a nice compliment to the poems. I looked forward to the pictures as much as the poems.

[Maggie · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a fun book of poems about the dangers of adolescence (and sharks). The poems are cute and give danger ratings and tips for surviving each one. It's an easy and unintimidating book with nice illustrations that would make a good gift gift for the right age.

[Gwen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Gave this to my middle school grandson. He loves it.

I received this book free from Goodreads First Reads.

[Janet · Rating 5 out of 5]

I enjoyed this book. Great graphics. Thank you Goodreads giveaway.

[Jessica Walters · Rating 4 out of 5]

Whimsical and at least partly true.

[Nandi · Rating 4 out of 5]

Cute poetry about "Avoiding Death (And Other Unpleasant Consequences)". Even though this is a YA book, I can see this being enjoyed by those of all ages enjoying this.

[Nandi · Rating 3 out of 5]

It's a cute YA book of poetry, that might get some kids interested in reading more.

[Cat Rongitsch · Rating 4 out of 5]

I don't read a lot of poetry. That said, these reminded me so much of poems my grampa used to write for us grandkids. They're cute and silly and still tackle topics like bullies and body shaming. At the end of each poem is a Danger Rating and Survival Tip. I could do without. They don't add anything. If you have a middle grade kiddo, this would be a great book to read together.

[Michelle · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a very cute book thank you so much.

[Luna · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some of the poems were really messed up, others were kinda funny.

[Sarah Patterson · Rating 5 out of 5]

I absolutely love this book. The poems were great and the illustrations were awesome.

[Alex Smith · Rating 5 out of 5]

Funny and totally spot on collection of poems for tween aged kids. Great lessons told in a humorous way to get at some of the tricky situations/topics that 9-14ish year olds experience.

[Kelly · Rating 4 out of 5]

Hilarious little book of poems for the little weirdos in your life

[gypsydreams · Rating 5 out of 5]

An entertaining somewhat twisted and whimsical work of poetic license that reminds me of the dark side of Shel Silverstein.Was a fun read made me laugh some and made me think some and I enjoy that .I was given a copy of this book free for an honest review namaste :)

[Jenifer Williamson · Rating 4 out of 5]

I have to say I had high hopes for this book to help show my students that poetry can be fun, silly, and witty by playing with words and figurative language. This did not disappoint. I especially loved "Grammar" and its warning of metaphors in the danger rating. Very clever. The danger ratings and survival tips at the endings of each poem are hilarious and creative. Many laughs here and a great reminder to a younger audience that poetry can be fun!

Thank you to Bruce McCandless and Goodreads for a free copy of this book.