101 Tough Conversations to Have with Employees: A Manager's Guide to Addressing Performance, Conduct, and Discipline Challenges

by Paul Falcone

101 Tough Conversations to Have with Employees provides guidance for managers on how to broach uncomfortable conversations across a wide range of issues. Inappropriate workplace conduct, lateness, sexually offensive behavior, productivity and communication issues . . . these are just a few of the uncomfortable topics supervisors must sometimes discuss with their employees. Top human resources author Paul Falcone?offers realistic sample dialogues managers can use to facilitate clear, direct interactions with their employees that help sidestep potential awkwardness and meet issues head-on. This practical, solution-oriented book walks you through some of the most common and most serious employee problems you are likely to encounter. In 101 Tough Conversations to Have with Employees , Falcone covers topics including: This handy guide helps you treat their people with dignity and respect, focusing not just on what to say but also on how to say it. It provides proven techniques you can use to protect yourself and your organizations—and get the very best from your people.

Genres: Business, Nonfiction, Leadership, Management, Reference, Self Help, Professional Development

384 pages, Paperback

First published April 8, 2009

Reviews

[James · Rating 1 out of 5]

Some of this book is well and truly batshit. It's hard to believe it was updated in 2019, because it is so behind the times and in some places, factually inaccurate. It's like a window into 1995 (or earlier).

Overall, do not recommend. Get the info from Tumblr or Reddit; you literally could not do any worse.

[Jenny · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great resource for managers. Wouldn't recommend as a cover to cover read, but rather an as needed resource tool.

[Ben · Rating 4 out of 5]

An absolutely invaluable resource for managers. Provides guidance on everything from bad breath to violence in the workplace. You have to be careful about using the exact wording that the author does (as the title implies, he actually delineates scripts for handling employee situations). For example, he has a tendency to add a lot of off-color jokes that I think would make awkward situations even more uncomfortable.

Therefore, it is important to look at the general spirit of his suggestions, rather than the specific wording. This book teaches the importance of directly but sensitively confronting all issues, even those that are uncomfortable to address. It helps managers to frame these uncomfortable topics in terms of how they are affecting the work environment, which is effective at preserving employee dignity, and reducing defensive or indignant responses. Finally, it is exceedingly helpful in tweaking the tone of the conversation based on the severity of the issue (e.g. if asking an employee to rectify a bad hair day, you would just ask her to fix it, without threatening any disciplinary action. On the other hand, confronting an employee who is actively peddling his religion to his subordinates needs to be given a strict ultimatum).

Managers of the world unite! Read this book! Refer to it always! Apply it to your daily work!

[Alex · Rating 1 out of 5]

Really dated and inappropriate conversations to be having with employees. If any manager spoke to me this way I would be having a very hard time not rolling my eyes and outwardly cringing. I do not recommend this book.

[Sarah Dawson · Rating 2 out of 5]

There's some good stuff in here, but some of the made up conversations are unbelievable and don't help. In fact, I'd argue they lead a manager to believe it's just as simple as following the script and ignoring that people are human beings and not robots. It would have been more helpful to have a script and some, consider this options.

[Rachel · Rating 2 out of 5]

To be fair this book is over 10 years old. That said, maybe some will find it helpful if they manage employees at a very traditional office. As a millennial manager in more of a tech industry, I found a lot of this to be dated advice. The bigger issue however is the difficult conversations paired with solutions we’re very surface level. It mostly assumes at the first conversation the employee will have a reasonable response and be appreciative that this issue was brought to their attention. If they don’t agree, they will reasonably agree that they should quit after giving it 24 hours of thought. To me, author skimmed over any deeper conflict.

[Jose · Rating 3 out of 5]

The author made it seem every employee will accept the solution and answer in the affirmative. This is not always the case. I'd like to read about the actions to take when the employee negates the solution. I do like the saying the author uses throughout the book: "perception is reality until proven otherwise."

[Ben Lobaugh · Rating 2 out of 5]

The book starts out well but goes downhill. The way of speaking to employees is dated and controlling, not suitable for today's workforce, and honestly probably not when the book was released either. Do not waste your time on this book.

[Phil Villarreal · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is sort of a dry manual, but offers a chilling insight into a cutthroat, emotion-free mindset of management that tends to permeate the professional world. The sheer cold, calculated cruelty that emerges from the thinking of Falcone's insight is as discomforting as it is illuminating.

His Machiavellian advice coaxes managers to trick employees into incriminating and devaluing themselves, helping to tip the balance in the corporation's favor when it comes to potential lawsuits or NLRB grievances.

Many of the lessons here are examples of ingenious ways to protect yourself as a manger while undermining the livelihoods and senses of respect of those who serve under you. Occasionally, though, there are reckless recommendations that coax you to subtly threaten and instill a sense of paranoia in those who rank above you. Such tactics, I would guess, would come at the risk of your own head.

Although Falcone's advice is often tough to stomach and sometimes as dry as a textbook, it's still recommending reading for anyone who finds themselves in hot water at work. You could learn something valuable that could give you another shot at saving your job or throw off a sinister plan to trick you into taking the fall for something that isn't your fault.

[Benjamin Thurman · Rating 2 out of 5]

As a manager, I didn't fine this book very helpful. I didn't like the tone of a lot of the hypothetical scenarios. For example, there were many times where the manager would ask the employee a question about some offending conduct. The question, though, seems patronizing. I know I would not appreciate being spoken to that way, especially over something I'm willing to fix and this is a first infraction. Also, many of the scenarios recommend that you tell the employee any further violations will lead to serious action, up to termination. Again, informal sit downs shouldn't have a threat at the end of them. I would not recommend purchasing.

[Peter · Rating 4 out of 5]

Not sure if this is supposed to be a cover to cover read, but I found a lot of insight in all of these conversations. It has a lot of different scenarios ranging from how to approach an employee who has bad breath to how to deal with a disgruntled employee who makes threats and brings live ammo into the workplace. I will be referencing this book in the future and it is highly recommended for anyone who works in management.

[Laurie Scherer · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was very useful in providing guidance for how to approach difficult discussions at work. I heard about the book at a conference I attended for counseling center directors. As a mental health clinician, I'm adept at forming rapport and providing a safe space for clients to share their emotions, but I am still learning about appropriate approaches to leadership. It was very helpful to have written scripts and examples to utilize in my leadership role.

[Ashley Hall · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book would’ve been helpful if it highlighted the tough conversations going negative, but it focused on a perfect world where everything worked itself out. The writer seemed very narcissistic to me.

[Htrang · Rating 4 out of 5]

The dominant tone (used in exemplified convos) in the book is quite polite, professional and empathetic, showing that employees are put in the centre of all convos.
Though there are some irrelevant topics to me but overall worth reading.

[Stacy Hobbs · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great for leaders - a must have. I will definitely keep this to reference back as needed. Great tips on how to handle all kinds of issues. Would like to have seen more on some disciplinary issues such as performance improvement, etc.

[CatReader · Rating 4 out of 5]

Though some of this advice is outdated and not appropriate for all work settings (i.e., academia/with tenured/contracted workers), this is an insightful management book that gives dozens of useful scripts to use for hard, awkward conversations.

[Bart Roofthooft · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very useful read if you want some tips & tricks on your ability to talk to your peeps in a lot of situations. (Very American though) Don't try to just copy some of the lines / coversations, a lot depends on ditustion & company culture of course.

[Sydney Millar · Rating 1 out of 5]

At the beginning there was some lightly helpful material, but overall I would have quit if my manager ever spoke to me in the way he recommends. His tone is violently condescending and occasionally outright inappropriate. Would not recommend this if you want to retain staff.

[Esraa · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a new manager , I find this book very helpful .

[Will West · Rating 5 out of 5]

I honestly really enjoyed it. Covered a wide variety of topics. Fairly basic. Recommended for a new manager or someone looking to become a manager.

[Jacqueline Francis · Rating 3 out of 5]

There was some helpful advice in this book but a LOT of outdated or potentially problematic langauge.

[Chelsea Shotts · Rating 1 out of 5]

I could not make myself finish reading this. It's no wonder there are so many ineffectual managers.

[Megan B · Rating 2 out of 5]

Exactly what it says on the tin. 2.5 Stars

[Kristin Sullivan · Rating 4 out of 5]

As an HR Manager, I think it covered every topic.

[Lily · Rating 3 out of 5]

2.5

[Dennis · Rating 5 out of 5]

Definitely California employer oriented, but I love Paul's thoughtful approach. This was a great and thought provoking book.

[Amanda · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book helped me "up my game" when advising leaders how to approach conversations with their team members. Although I personally wouldn't use the exact language in all of these conversations, the strategy & wording used for the majority of these situations was thorough & insightful.

[Maggie · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is an excellent book to help you figure out how you're going to handle and speak to an employee about anything from grey to black and white issues. You have to read it with some common sense. All of his scripts start off with a disclaimer to the employee, "I'm not accusing you of anything, but...". That's a terrible idea. Take all disclaimers out, cut to the chase, and treat employees like adults that don't want a long intro. They just want to know what the issue is so they can respond and get to a solution. Also, some of the jokes and phrases are so painful. When you're reading this book, just think how you would like to be spoken to, and then cut all the other b.s. out from what he says. Again, this is a great book to get you thinking about what needs to be covered so you can develop a professional script. It also covers some basic employment law concepts in a very digestible way. I plan on reading more of his books.

[Monique · Rating 3 out of 5]

A helpful reference book for insights to how to approach employee behaviour conversations. The best piece of advice is to do something in a timely fashion rather than assuming the issue will resolve itself. I did find it was more corporate than I'd like (a bit more handholding and "parenting" style approach than I'm comfortable with).

[Lexi · Rating 5 out of 5]

After referencing this book on multiple occassions since I first got it, I felt I needed to update my rating. Not that I have difficult employees, mind you, but this book has been incredibly helpful with my own journey to being a more proactive, and fair supervisor. I have recommended this book, or at least different passages, to several peers and mentors in just a few short weeks.