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The Boy Crisis: Why Our Boys Are Struggling and What We Can Do About It
What is the boy crisis?It's a crisis of education. For the first time in American history, our sons will have less education than their dads. It's a crisis of mental health. As boys become young men, their suicide rates go from equal to girls to six times that of young women. It's a crisis of sexuality. Sex is a minefield for our sons. They're bombarded with mixed messages, afraid of being either too sensitive or not sensitive enough. It's a crisis of fathering. Boys with less-involved fathers are more likely to drop out of school, drink, do drugs, become delinquent, and end up in prison. It's a crisis of purpose. Boys' old senses of purposes, being a warrior, a leader, or a sole breadwinner, are fading. Many bright boys are experiencing a "purpose void," feeling alienated, withdrawn and addicted to immediate gratification. Compounding this issue are addicting video games that lead to distraction and ADHD.So, what is The Boy Crisis? A comprehensive blueprint for what parents, teachers, and policy-makers can do to renew our sons' sense of purpose to help them become men, fathers, and leaders worthy of our respect.
511 pages, Kindle Edition
First published February 26, 2019
933 people are currently reading
8437 people want to read
About the author
Warren Farrell
28 books262 followersWarren Thomas Farrell is an American educator, activist and author of seven books on men's and women's issues.
He came to prominence in the 1970s, championing the cause of second wave feminism, and serving on the New York City Board of the National Organization for Women (NOW). However, he left NOW and is now recognized as an important figure in the modern men's movement.
His books cover ten fields: history, law, sociology and politics (The Myth of Male Power); couples’ communication (Women Can’t Hear What Men Don’t Say, and Father and Child Reunion); economic and career issues (Why Men Earn More); child psychology and child custody (Father and Child Reunion); and teenage to adult psychology and socialization (Why Men Are The Way They Are and The Liberated Man). All of his books are related to men's and women studies; consistent to his books since the early 90's has been a call for a gender transition movement.
He came to prominence in the 1970s, championing the cause of second wave feminism, and serving on the New York City Board of the National Organization for Women (NOW). However, he left NOW and is now recognized as an important figure in the modern men's movement.
His books cover ten fields: history, law, sociology and politics (The Myth of Male Power); couples’ communication (Women Can’t Hear What Men Don’t Say, and Father and Child Reunion); economic and career issues (Why Men Earn More); child psychology and child custody (Father and Child Reunion); and teenage to adult psychology and socialization (Why Men Are The Way They Are and The Liberated Man). All of his books are related to men's and women studies; consistent to his books since the early 90's has been a call for a gender transition movement.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 411 reviews
April 8, 2018
I was actually really excited to read this book after hearing the author interviewed on Andrew Klavan’s podcast. I have been concerned about the state of our boys since I noticed as a high school teacher that most of the kids on the D/F list were boys and the ones in AP classes were girls. And yes video game and porn addiction, lack of father involvement—all of this is a problem. Our boys need help. There’s some excellent ideas about the sexism our boys face that is totally ignored and how to help expand their choices and find purpose.
BUT the entire book gets basically discredited in one fell swoop in the end by the section on quack-tastic ADHD remedies. “In simple terms homeopathic remedies turn on your body’s healing genes.” Oh FFS, really?? Come on! Oh and then there’s crap about hot water therapy, and chiropractic and gluten and supplements. It’s a veritable smorgasbord of alt medicine nonsense. And of course like any good quack, he sells his very own supplements and is happy to share his website link so you too can purchase them.
All that is really unfortunate because our boys are struggling and Farrell basically undercut his entire argument by including John Gray’s nonsense. So four stars for the first 2/3 and 0 for the last.
BUT the entire book gets basically discredited in one fell swoop in the end by the section on quack-tastic ADHD remedies. “In simple terms homeopathic remedies turn on your body’s healing genes.” Oh FFS, really?? Come on! Oh and then there’s crap about hot water therapy, and chiropractic and gluten and supplements. It’s a veritable smorgasbord of alt medicine nonsense. And of course like any good quack, he sells his very own supplements and is happy to share his website link so you too can purchase them.
All that is really unfortunate because our boys are struggling and Farrell basically undercut his entire argument by including John Gray’s nonsense. So four stars for the first 2/3 and 0 for the last.
August 11, 2020
8/11/20:
I'm making an alteration to this rating. My respect for it is only increasing, so that should be reflected in the stars. I've upped it to 5.
Original review:
I cannot overemphasize the importance of this conversation.
And because this topic often becomes a target of both ridicule and dehumanization, I must reiterate:
This is an important and real conversation we must make.
Boys, and men, are suffering. I can take and use statistics from outside of the context of this book, but even this book spells a lot of it out.
There are no free consultations for men's health or mental health despite the fact that 4 times as many boys between 15-20 commit suicide as compared to girls. That rate increases to 6 times between 20-25.
Our culture tells us we must self-sacrifice for everything we do.
Example: if we have a medical problem, we don't go to get it fixed either because we are less likely to be covered with medical insurance. It might also have something to do with a little voice in us saying that we just need to "push-through" despite winding up with stupidly aggravated conditions.
Self-sacrifice is pervasive. We are told that we must sacrifice ourselves for our country, for our family, for EVERYTHING. As a man, I can attest to this. I also rebelled against it. And in rebelling, for years, I discovered that there was no sense of purpose to replace it.
In the past, it was cynically transactional. Men bring home the bacon while women rule the home. Most of these roles have either been overturned or are widely ridiculed for more than 40 years now. Kids who grew up in feminist-idealized schools are now middle-aged. Boys grew up learning that their natural biological drives are nasty and brutish and dehumanizing to women. I know I did.
Every man was a potential rapist if he isn't a source of income to support women.
Be honest. Whether you are a man or a woman. How would you feel if you were only seen as either a servant or a threat?
Of course, all the old roles are overturned. Women are super unhappy and it may have something to do with their having to work as hard as men ever had to. They also generally reject the idea that working more than 70-hour work-weeks, (a general prerequisite for higher positions,) in favor of their families.
In the meantime, men have not received any attention to altering their own roles.
Think about that. To attract mates we must be Alpha Males. But Alpha Males are not the type of men that are allowed to thrive in schools. Male teachers make up only 17% of the workforce. They are generally driven out despite real cause, or because they teach in ways that don't align with the political environment. After all, let's face it: all men are fundamentally evil and the patriarchy rules everything.
The same thing is true for the field of psychology. When I was getting my degree, only 1/10 students were men and there was a very heavy focus on women's health. There was no focus on men. At all.
I am absolutely certain that the list can go on and on. Let's ignore the top 1% of any field for just a moment. Exceptions are not rules. Look at any profession you care to. Do you see the current roster of jobs being particularly welcoming to men? How about becoming a nurse? (Most are women.) An agent? (Most are women.) A teacher? (Most are women.)
Dangerous jobs that have a regular loss of life or a sharp decrease in quality of life is still open to men. Garbage collectors. (Most are men.) Military. (Most are men.) Truck drivers. (Most are men.)
I'm just spitting a few of the more obvious ones out.
But none of these explain the increase in the rate of suicides in the past 40 years. It may hint at it.
It also hints at the huge drop in academic achievement and the widespread loss of opportunities or support systems.
Because we are told it is a man's world, none of us look at the reality of the world.
It does not follow. Divorced men are 10 times as likely to commit suicide than women.
There are tons of studies that say, outright, that men want to be a part of their children's lives. That their one regret was in working so much to make ends meet, that they would have given it all up in order to have that one purpose in their lives.
We can all look at the popular stories these days to see the deeper issues. Courts systematically rule in favor of women in custody hearings. Public opinion always automatically sides for women because, obviously, men are evil. Even when confronted with facts to the contrary, public opinion keeps piping up with massive assumptions that always ends with, "It's a man's world."
I postulate that abuse swings like a pendulum.
One-time victims will become victimizers. Just look at the dehumanization aspects.
Are men appreciated for what they do? Soldiers commit suicide once every 65 minutes. Older men commit suicide because they've come to the conclusion that their death-insurance will mean more to their family than their own life.
Men no longer have purpose. Few are actually able to follow their bliss. They are expected to make money. Period.
Before, in the bad old-times, they relied on a purpose of supporting their family. Showing love by self-sacrifice while suppressing any other kind of sensitive emotion because it just doesn't FIT with the purpose of self-sacrifice. Now, women are independent. Unhappy, but independent. Divorces strip away a man's purpose, just turning him into a paycheck that must put up with cultural abuse such as being called a deadbeat dad, or being emotionally stunted, an idiot, or just plain malicious.
I'm being general here. But damn if I don't see JUST THIS THING everywhere I look.
Assume, just for a moment, that most men are decent people.
If we consider the fact that both men and women are abusers at the same rate, while only one sex has the social support system to speak up about it, the imbalance is very real. Are children the patriarchy?
Evolutionary psychology is also real. Boys and girls CAN learn the skills of the others, but one comes naturally, and the other does not. Teaching boys to express themselves is useless when they know their concerns will not be heard. Competition is not patriarchy. Neither is roughhousing. It is a major point of learning in emotional intelligence. Getting a thick skin is ADAPTIVE. Girls can do it, even if, on the whole, they generally don't prefer it. That doesn't mean it isn't true for boys. And yet, this is what even *I* was taught in the '80s. Remember the statistic on men being teachers?
Corrective assumptions have made the pendulum swing way too far in the opposite direction.
Great progress had been made, but reform turned into retaliation. Punitive measures.
Here's a little thought experiment: 87% of the prison population is men. Black men are 4 times as likely to be incarcerated, true, but they are all still men. If men still had a purpose, their aggression could have been channeled into something positive. Don't we say the same thing about boys?
Then ask yourself: if the total situation is still getting worse and worse, where men feel hopeless and cast adrift in their own lives, then WHY AREN'T WE HAVING THIS DISCUSSION?
Fact: if men and women keep alienating each other like this, we are all going to suffer. The grand majority of man and womankind still wants healthy heterosexual relationships. Oddly enough, this isn't a reactionary backlash statement designed to antagonize the LGBTQ+ community, either. Nor is it designed to antagonize radical feminists who would like to see total segregation of the sexes.
I'm merely saying that people still want healthy relationships and MOST of them happen to be hetero.
By dehumanizing one half of the population, we have an epidemic of depression and suicide. Of existential crisis. Of PURPOSE. And it only gets worse when we all get defensive.
Strangely enough, one of the things that men do very well is in providing a safe space for children to roughhouse and have teachable moments. It also teaches children to have expanded empathy with those who they fight with. Evolutionary psychology does NOT favor this behavior with women. And yet, it is still essential for learning how to cope and adapt to any kind of antagonistic situation.
So I can also postulate that these last 40 years spent dehumanizing men have also created an environment of people unable to cope with any kind of antagonistic situation. Cancel culture IS real.
I may not agree with every point this book makes, especially when it derails at the end with highlights on the ADHD phenomenon, but Farrell obviously cares a lot about our well-being and he is trying to be as all-inclusive as he can be.
I think he does a fairly good job of illustrating a lot of the other points. Men's health, both physical and mental, are almost completely neglected. Try looking up any programs to help out men who are suffering and you might just find Alcoholics Anonymous.
Women will have pages and pages and pages of free support systems.
What would YOU feel if you happened to be male? Neglected? Ridiculed? Unappreciated? Belittled?
It doesn't take a rocket scientist to make anyone wonder why there is so much anger and resentment. What I'm really surprised about is why there isn't MORE resentment.
Maybe it's because most men are good people. Maybe it's because they genuinely care about their wives and children. They may be in a bad position and they are told they will not hold any more power, but most keep on trying.
This is a two-way street. At least acknowledge that there is a problem. Purposeless kills, and it's hitting our boys the most. They see how hopeless it is. Give them credit. They may not be able to voice these concerns, but they sure as hell see the problem.
Addictions, whether drugs or video games, risky behaviors of all kinds including extreme sports, apathy, failure-to-launch, obesity, and anxiety are just a handful of the warning signs.
If you hear, "What's the point?" then know it is being said EVERYWHERE. Every western country and it is growing everywhere else. It is not isolated to America. Not by a long shot.
Have these conversations with your loved ones.
I'm making an alteration to this rating. My respect for it is only increasing, so that should be reflected in the stars. I've upped it to 5.
Original review:
I cannot overemphasize the importance of this conversation.
And because this topic often becomes a target of both ridicule and dehumanization, I must reiterate:
This is an important and real conversation we must make.
Boys, and men, are suffering. I can take and use statistics from outside of the context of this book, but even this book spells a lot of it out.
There are no free consultations for men's health or mental health despite the fact that 4 times as many boys between 15-20 commit suicide as compared to girls. That rate increases to 6 times between 20-25.
Our culture tells us we must self-sacrifice for everything we do.
Example: if we have a medical problem, we don't go to get it fixed either because we are less likely to be covered with medical insurance. It might also have something to do with a little voice in us saying that we just need to "push-through" despite winding up with stupidly aggravated conditions.
Self-sacrifice is pervasive. We are told that we must sacrifice ourselves for our country, for our family, for EVERYTHING. As a man, I can attest to this. I also rebelled against it. And in rebelling, for years, I discovered that there was no sense of purpose to replace it.
In the past, it was cynically transactional. Men bring home the bacon while women rule the home. Most of these roles have either been overturned or are widely ridiculed for more than 40 years now. Kids who grew up in feminist-idealized schools are now middle-aged. Boys grew up learning that their natural biological drives are nasty and brutish and dehumanizing to women. I know I did.
Every man was a potential rapist if he isn't a source of income to support women.
Be honest. Whether you are a man or a woman. How would you feel if you were only seen as either a servant or a threat?
Of course, all the old roles are overturned. Women are super unhappy and it may have something to do with their having to work as hard as men ever had to. They also generally reject the idea that working more than 70-hour work-weeks, (a general prerequisite for higher positions,) in favor of their families.
In the meantime, men have not received any attention to altering their own roles.
Think about that. To attract mates we must be Alpha Males. But Alpha Males are not the type of men that are allowed to thrive in schools. Male teachers make up only 17% of the workforce. They are generally driven out despite real cause, or because they teach in ways that don't align with the political environment. After all, let's face it: all men are fundamentally evil and the patriarchy rules everything.
The same thing is true for the field of psychology. When I was getting my degree, only 1/10 students were men and there was a very heavy focus on women's health. There was no focus on men. At all.
I am absolutely certain that the list can go on and on. Let's ignore the top 1% of any field for just a moment. Exceptions are not rules. Look at any profession you care to. Do you see the current roster of jobs being particularly welcoming to men? How about becoming a nurse? (Most are women.) An agent? (Most are women.) A teacher? (Most are women.)
Dangerous jobs that have a regular loss of life or a sharp decrease in quality of life is still open to men. Garbage collectors. (Most are men.) Military. (Most are men.) Truck drivers. (Most are men.)
I'm just spitting a few of the more obvious ones out.
But none of these explain the increase in the rate of suicides in the past 40 years. It may hint at it.
It also hints at the huge drop in academic achievement and the widespread loss of opportunities or support systems.
Because we are told it is a man's world, none of us look at the reality of the world.
It does not follow. Divorced men are 10 times as likely to commit suicide than women.
There are tons of studies that say, outright, that men want to be a part of their children's lives. That their one regret was in working so much to make ends meet, that they would have given it all up in order to have that one purpose in their lives.
We can all look at the popular stories these days to see the deeper issues. Courts systematically rule in favor of women in custody hearings. Public opinion always automatically sides for women because, obviously, men are evil. Even when confronted with facts to the contrary, public opinion keeps piping up with massive assumptions that always ends with, "It's a man's world."
I postulate that abuse swings like a pendulum.
One-time victims will become victimizers. Just look at the dehumanization aspects.
Are men appreciated for what they do? Soldiers commit suicide once every 65 minutes. Older men commit suicide because they've come to the conclusion that their death-insurance will mean more to their family than their own life.
Men no longer have purpose. Few are actually able to follow their bliss. They are expected to make money. Period.
Before, in the bad old-times, they relied on a purpose of supporting their family. Showing love by self-sacrifice while suppressing any other kind of sensitive emotion because it just doesn't FIT with the purpose of self-sacrifice. Now, women are independent. Unhappy, but independent. Divorces strip away a man's purpose, just turning him into a paycheck that must put up with cultural abuse such as being called a deadbeat dad, or being emotionally stunted, an idiot, or just plain malicious.
I'm being general here. But damn if I don't see JUST THIS THING everywhere I look.
Assume, just for a moment, that most men are decent people.
If we consider the fact that both men and women are abusers at the same rate, while only one sex has the social support system to speak up about it, the imbalance is very real. Are children the patriarchy?
Evolutionary psychology is also real. Boys and girls CAN learn the skills of the others, but one comes naturally, and the other does not. Teaching boys to express themselves is useless when they know their concerns will not be heard. Competition is not patriarchy. Neither is roughhousing. It is a major point of learning in emotional intelligence. Getting a thick skin is ADAPTIVE. Girls can do it, even if, on the whole, they generally don't prefer it. That doesn't mean it isn't true for boys. And yet, this is what even *I* was taught in the '80s. Remember the statistic on men being teachers?
Corrective assumptions have made the pendulum swing way too far in the opposite direction.
Great progress had been made, but reform turned into retaliation. Punitive measures.
Here's a little thought experiment: 87% of the prison population is men. Black men are 4 times as likely to be incarcerated, true, but they are all still men. If men still had a purpose, their aggression could have been channeled into something positive. Don't we say the same thing about boys?
Then ask yourself: if the total situation is still getting worse and worse, where men feel hopeless and cast adrift in their own lives, then WHY AREN'T WE HAVING THIS DISCUSSION?
Fact: if men and women keep alienating each other like this, we are all going to suffer. The grand majority of man and womankind still wants healthy heterosexual relationships. Oddly enough, this isn't a reactionary backlash statement designed to antagonize the LGBTQ+ community, either. Nor is it designed to antagonize radical feminists who would like to see total segregation of the sexes.
I'm merely saying that people still want healthy relationships and MOST of them happen to be hetero.
By dehumanizing one half of the population, we have an epidemic of depression and suicide. Of existential crisis. Of PURPOSE. And it only gets worse when we all get defensive.
Strangely enough, one of the things that men do very well is in providing a safe space for children to roughhouse and have teachable moments. It also teaches children to have expanded empathy with those who they fight with. Evolutionary psychology does NOT favor this behavior with women. And yet, it is still essential for learning how to cope and adapt to any kind of antagonistic situation.
So I can also postulate that these last 40 years spent dehumanizing men have also created an environment of people unable to cope with any kind of antagonistic situation. Cancel culture IS real.
I may not agree with every point this book makes, especially when it derails at the end with highlights on the ADHD phenomenon, but Farrell obviously cares a lot about our well-being and he is trying to be as all-inclusive as he can be.
I think he does a fairly good job of illustrating a lot of the other points. Men's health, both physical and mental, are almost completely neglected. Try looking up any programs to help out men who are suffering and you might just find Alcoholics Anonymous.
Women will have pages and pages and pages of free support systems.
What would YOU feel if you happened to be male? Neglected? Ridiculed? Unappreciated? Belittled?
It doesn't take a rocket scientist to make anyone wonder why there is so much anger and resentment. What I'm really surprised about is why there isn't MORE resentment.
Maybe it's because most men are good people. Maybe it's because they genuinely care about their wives and children. They may be in a bad position and they are told they will not hold any more power, but most keep on trying.
This is a two-way street. At least acknowledge that there is a problem. Purposeless kills, and it's hitting our boys the most. They see how hopeless it is. Give them credit. They may not be able to voice these concerns, but they sure as hell see the problem.
Addictions, whether drugs or video games, risky behaviors of all kinds including extreme sports, apathy, failure-to-launch, obesity, and anxiety are just a handful of the warning signs.
If you hear, "What's the point?" then know it is being said EVERYWHERE. Every western country and it is growing everywhere else. It is not isolated to America. Not by a long shot.
Have these conversations with your loved ones.
February 24, 2022
The Boy Crisis is yet another attack on the progress of women, although as subtle as such an attack can be in a period of mass rallies for civil and human rights. And I am appalled by the women who signed on to the book with rave reviews. To think the authors have something against women moving up in the 21st century speaks volumes about the work that still needs to be done.
In every example I came across, the marriage failed because the woman cheated. Not only are we cheating on our partners, but we are so overwhelmed and emotional that our kids prefer their fathers post-divorce. And why not, since a wealth of research shows that children thrive more with their fathers said no one ever.
Skimming through the text, it appears the authors have a dysfunctional way of analyzing research. Of course women are overwhelmed. We’re still taking on a lot more responsibilities than men. The real research shows that even with a growing number of men choosing to parent from home, women are still picking up the majority of the housework and miscellaneous duties.
With respect to the author’s characterization of the attention girls receive to support their growth in a productive society, the authors pretend it comes at the expense of men. As the mother of two boys and a girl, I can tell you the girls of our lifetime still need that support.
That’s not to say that boys are sometimes overlooked. My son one time complained that his 3rd grade teacher was siding with the aggressive girls in his class every time there was a conflict, and I put a stop to that immediately, especially after his male classmates confirmed his story with their own experiences. Whether you’re running a family, a business, or just your intimate interactions, something is bound to go amiss. Our job as concerned citizens of this one world we live in is to right that wrong by striving for balance. Resorting to ridiculous assumptions and stereotypes will only create a larger crisis for our boys.
In every example I came across, the marriage failed because the woman cheated. Not only are we cheating on our partners, but we are so overwhelmed and emotional that our kids prefer their fathers post-divorce. And why not, since a wealth of research shows that children thrive more with their fathers said no one ever.
Skimming through the text, it appears the authors have a dysfunctional way of analyzing research. Of course women are overwhelmed. We’re still taking on a lot more responsibilities than men. The real research shows that even with a growing number of men choosing to parent from home, women are still picking up the majority of the housework and miscellaneous duties.
With respect to the author’s characterization of the attention girls receive to support their growth in a productive society, the authors pretend it comes at the expense of men. As the mother of two boys and a girl, I can tell you the girls of our lifetime still need that support.
That’s not to say that boys are sometimes overlooked. My son one time complained that his 3rd grade teacher was siding with the aggressive girls in his class every time there was a conflict, and I put a stop to that immediately, especially after his male classmates confirmed his story with their own experiences. Whether you’re running a family, a business, or just your intimate interactions, something is bound to go amiss. Our job as concerned citizens of this one world we live in is to right that wrong by striving for balance. Resorting to ridiculous assumptions and stereotypes will only create a larger crisis for our boys.
January 11, 2019
In our modern age where girls are told they can do and be anything, The Boy Crisis examines how this is not the case for boys. With more women having long-term careers and becoming their own breadwinners, young men are faced with a "purpose void." The increasing lack of fathers present has long-term damaging effects on boys that last throughout their entire lives. Health intelligence and emotional intelligence trump traditional heroic intelligence (the need to sacrifice yourself to be considered "manly" and earn respect). Our men are not disposable, and young men are just as valuable as young women even though today's culture does not emulate this idea. "When one gender fails, both genders fail."
A fantastic read that opened up my mind to the challenges of young boys in today's "Female First" world. Everyone (men and women) should read this.
A fantastic read that opened up my mind to the challenges of young boys in today's "Female First" world. Everyone (men and women) should read this.
November 23, 2018
Stay away if you want to keep your peace of mind!
This is ignorant, partial mansplaining. For some stupid reason, I expected a text that sees children as children and beyond sex roles but the book is stuck in the “family” ideal. How come the context can be missing from the discourse of this book? Is capitalism really a given and default way of life? I am sure conservatives who like to think themselves as progressives would love to read this.
Statistics given without any socio-economical context.
e.g. Boys who grow up without a father end up dropping out of school. Ok, is this the only characteristic of these boys? Do they, say, live in poverty, where their mothers are left alone to survive, bring up children and work without any support network?
e.g. Girls are more successful at school. Boys are falling behind. We should adjust the education system to the needs of the boys to learn better and find a job to provide for their family, for if they do not find a job women do not date them.
Hmm, again, ok. Is it maybe boys already have a giant advantage called patriarchy, that looks after them over women and women have to work three times as much to be hired by misogynists.
I can go on and reply to each sentence in the book. The statistics are not wrong but such partial and ignorant interpretation is outrageous. I almost felt sorry for men! Almost, tho...
This is ignorant, partial mansplaining. For some stupid reason, I expected a text that sees children as children and beyond sex roles but the book is stuck in the “family” ideal. How come the context can be missing from the discourse of this book? Is capitalism really a given and default way of life? I am sure conservatives who like to think themselves as progressives would love to read this.
Statistics given without any socio-economical context.
e.g. Boys who grow up without a father end up dropping out of school. Ok, is this the only characteristic of these boys? Do they, say, live in poverty, where their mothers are left alone to survive, bring up children and work without any support network?
e.g. Girls are more successful at school. Boys are falling behind. We should adjust the education system to the needs of the boys to learn better and find a job to provide for their family, for if they do not find a job women do not date them.
Hmm, again, ok. Is it maybe boys already have a giant advantage called patriarchy, that looks after them over women and women have to work three times as much to be hired by misogynists.
I can go on and reply to each sentence in the book. The statistics are not wrong but such partial and ignorant interpretation is outrageous. I almost felt sorry for men! Almost, tho...
May 1, 2021
I usually do not go for this type of psychology-book, but Jordan Peterson recommended it, so I had to give it a go.
It is fantastic. All Dads and future Dads should read this. It is a down to earth blueprint for getting it right with kids and how to assert your rightful and very beneficial role as Dad. Essential reading.
And no, it is not hostile towards women. But it is very critical towards the effects of the Womens Movement.
And no, women have no idea of what it is to be a boy/Dad - therefore they should read it as well.
It is fantastic. All Dads and future Dads should read this. It is a down to earth blueprint for getting it right with kids and how to assert your rightful and very beneficial role as Dad. Essential reading.
And no, it is not hostile towards women. But it is very critical towards the effects of the Womens Movement.
And no, women have no idea of what it is to be a boy/Dad - therefore they should read it as well.
August 27, 2018
Good up until it started suggesting that homeopathy works.
March 19, 2018
‘Your mission – guiding your son to discover his mission’
California author Warren Farrell, PhD places his third book before the public dealing with the concept of gender – THE BOY CRISIS: WHY OUR BOYS ARE STRUGGLING AND WHAT WE CAN DO ABOUT IT. His other two exemplary books are WHY MEN ARE THE WAY THEY ARE and THE MYTH OF MALE POWER. Warren is the chair of the Commission to Create a White House Council on Boys and Men and is the only man in the US to have been elected three times to the Board of the National Organization for Women (NOW) in New York City. In addition to starting more than three hundred men and women's groups, he has appeared repeatedly on Oprah, TODAY, and Good Morning America, and been the subject of features on 20/20, in Forbes, the Wall Street Journal, People, Parade, and the New York Times.
In a most significant introduction Warren states his goal in writing The Boy Crisis: ‘A generation ago, a boy who was a “geek” in school was subjected to derision. So his parents might have tried to get him to lift weights or join the wrestling team— trying to protect him from derision, but perhaps unwittingly signaling to him the unacceptability of his nature. However, had a book catalyzed a national discussion that helped his parents foresee how technology would allow geeks to be among the respected leaders and multimillionaires of the future, they could have helped their son feel optimistic about his future and inspired to cultivate his gifts rather than lift weights in shame. While no vision of the future can be perfect, the goal of The Boy Crisis is to integrate the half century of national discussion about the challenges faced by girls and women with an equally nuanced national discussion about those facing boys and men. The Boy Crisis explores the major causes of that crisis, plus hundreds of solutions every parent, teacher, and policymaker can employ. Since every boy is different, read this book first, then listen to your son to determine whether what John or I write applies to him. Since “a prophet is never a prophet close to home,” you may wish to give the book directly to your son so he may discover himself, as well as directly to your daughter so she may love with knowledge and lead with empathy.’ And it is this empathy and support that is apparent throughout this hallmark book.
Warren addresses the crises in our sons’ mental health, physical health, economic health, education, and then discusses why the boy crisis isn’t our fault! Never stepping into the arena of blame but always remaining on the side of support, e discusses the power of purpose, the ‘Hero Paradox’, why marriages in this country fail more frequently than elsewhere, the schism between boys who are dad-deprived versus dad-enriched, a major exploration of the Dad role, and an illuminating section on heroic intelligence versus health intelligence, highlighting thoughts on boys with ADHD.
In the concluding remarks Warren sates ‘Becoming a great dad is not a mission for every son. Your mission is to guide your son to discover his mission.
No piece of cake, because there’s no precedent. Our fathers did not learn to discover their mission; they learned to fulfill a mission someone else discovered. The “discoverer” was the need to survive. His mission was provider-protector. Your dad had two options: be the provider-protector or be a loser. Which didn’t allow for questions like, “What creates the glint in my eye?” He learned to be a human doing first, and a human being second. Or not at all. Which often led him to withdraw from loving himself, and ultimately from the family he loved. To him feeling that his life insurance policy is more valuable than his life. Your mission to help your son discover his mission begins with helping him to discover himself as a human being first, and then helping him find a way of being a human doing— of making a living— that supports him as a human being.’
This is a warm and instructive wake-up call of a book - ‘a comprehensive blueprint for what parents, teachers, and policymakers can do to help our sons become happier, healthier men, and fathers and leaders worthy of our respect.’ Read and grow.
California author Warren Farrell, PhD places his third book before the public dealing with the concept of gender – THE BOY CRISIS: WHY OUR BOYS ARE STRUGGLING AND WHAT WE CAN DO ABOUT IT. His other two exemplary books are WHY MEN ARE THE WAY THEY ARE and THE MYTH OF MALE POWER. Warren is the chair of the Commission to Create a White House Council on Boys and Men and is the only man in the US to have been elected three times to the Board of the National Organization for Women (NOW) in New York City. In addition to starting more than three hundred men and women's groups, he has appeared repeatedly on Oprah, TODAY, and Good Morning America, and been the subject of features on 20/20, in Forbes, the Wall Street Journal, People, Parade, and the New York Times.
In a most significant introduction Warren states his goal in writing The Boy Crisis: ‘A generation ago, a boy who was a “geek” in school was subjected to derision. So his parents might have tried to get him to lift weights or join the wrestling team— trying to protect him from derision, but perhaps unwittingly signaling to him the unacceptability of his nature. However, had a book catalyzed a national discussion that helped his parents foresee how technology would allow geeks to be among the respected leaders and multimillionaires of the future, they could have helped their son feel optimistic about his future and inspired to cultivate his gifts rather than lift weights in shame. While no vision of the future can be perfect, the goal of The Boy Crisis is to integrate the half century of national discussion about the challenges faced by girls and women with an equally nuanced national discussion about those facing boys and men. The Boy Crisis explores the major causes of that crisis, plus hundreds of solutions every parent, teacher, and policymaker can employ. Since every boy is different, read this book first, then listen to your son to determine whether what John or I write applies to him. Since “a prophet is never a prophet close to home,” you may wish to give the book directly to your son so he may discover himself, as well as directly to your daughter so she may love with knowledge and lead with empathy.’ And it is this empathy and support that is apparent throughout this hallmark book.
Warren addresses the crises in our sons’ mental health, physical health, economic health, education, and then discusses why the boy crisis isn’t our fault! Never stepping into the arena of blame but always remaining on the side of support, e discusses the power of purpose, the ‘Hero Paradox’, why marriages in this country fail more frequently than elsewhere, the schism between boys who are dad-deprived versus dad-enriched, a major exploration of the Dad role, and an illuminating section on heroic intelligence versus health intelligence, highlighting thoughts on boys with ADHD.
In the concluding remarks Warren sates ‘Becoming a great dad is not a mission for every son. Your mission is to guide your son to discover his mission.
No piece of cake, because there’s no precedent. Our fathers did not learn to discover their mission; they learned to fulfill a mission someone else discovered. The “discoverer” was the need to survive. His mission was provider-protector. Your dad had two options: be the provider-protector or be a loser. Which didn’t allow for questions like, “What creates the glint in my eye?” He learned to be a human doing first, and a human being second. Or not at all. Which often led him to withdraw from loving himself, and ultimately from the family he loved. To him feeling that his life insurance policy is more valuable than his life. Your mission to help your son discover his mission begins with helping him to discover himself as a human being first, and then helping him find a way of being a human doing— of making a living— that supports him as a human being.’
This is a warm and instructive wake-up call of a book - ‘a comprehensive blueprint for what parents, teachers, and policymakers can do to help our sons become happier, healthier men, and fathers and leaders worthy of our respect.’ Read and grow.
March 30, 2025
A deep dive into social trends, data, and personal accounts which help paint a picture of how we got to the widespread issues we have with our boys, and the boys who have grown up to be men.
The mix of psychology, sociology, physiology, stories, and practical considerations (even down to conversation starters and nutrition/health advice) for our sons was a really valuable mix for such a book.
There is a lot of overlap with Richard Reeves' book "Of Boys And Men" — though Reeves is perhaps known more for his kindergarten redshirting proposal for boys.
The amount of time spent (in this book as well as Reeve's book) hammering home the fact that women can make money for a family, too, was a bit off-putting... seeing the amount of mothers not working for some existential fulfillment but out of survival in a brutal economy, rather wishing to be with their children. Though, I will say, this was always nestled in such a thoughtful accounting of what men are facing in family life and as fathers, economically and socially, that I couldn't be too annoyed.
This was such a tender, heavily researched, and needed addition to the "boy" genre of books. We need both genders to flourish. So I'm glad there are resources to help us both see the potential problems and help our precious boys navigate them. As a bonus, it will make you more alert and compassionate toward the challenges, desires, and potential of the men around you.
The mix of psychology, sociology, physiology, stories, and practical considerations (even down to conversation starters and nutrition/health advice) for our sons was a really valuable mix for such a book.
There is a lot of overlap with Richard Reeves' book "Of Boys And Men" — though Reeves is perhaps known more for his kindergarten redshirting proposal for boys.
The amount of time spent (in this book as well as Reeve's book) hammering home the fact that women can make money for a family, too, was a bit off-putting... seeing the amount of mothers not working for some existential fulfillment but out of survival in a brutal economy, rather wishing to be with their children. Though, I will say, this was always nestled in such a thoughtful accounting of what men are facing in family life and as fathers, economically and socially, that I couldn't be too annoyed.
This was such a tender, heavily researched, and needed addition to the "boy" genre of books. We need both genders to flourish. So I'm glad there are resources to help us both see the potential problems and help our precious boys navigate them. As a bonus, it will make you more alert and compassionate toward the challenges, desires, and potential of the men around you.
June 7, 2018
Very insightful. Every person in education should read this!!!!!
June 30, 2018
Too bad about the title. The book would be better served if it were called "In Praise of Dads", or something in that line. I'm giving it 4 stars because it's the first book I've seen that gives the modern male perspective of parenthood in such detail. Farrell repeats himself, obviously passionate about his subject, and dwells on certain topics that I don't agree with him on, but thank God he's talking! For decades now we've been taught to view men as oppressors rather than human beings. I wonder what the world would look like now if we had had a Masculine Movement too, in which men got up and spoke from their hearts and told the world that they want to spend more time with their children, that they are loving, nurturing parents too and want the recognition from society that manhood is not always about being a strong Provider/Hero - an Absent Paycheck as it were (useless in every other way) who is expected to lay his physical well-being and safety (and not-so-high-earning dreams) down for others or be considered less than a man. (The fiction version of this book, by the way, is called "The Home-Maker" by Dorothy Canfield Fisher, if you don't think you can get through Farrell's tome.)
February 1, 2020
A host of pseudoscience and poor social takes. Are there issues that men and boys face? Certainly. But this book does very little add anything of value to that conversation. He particularly lost me when he said homeopathy can heal concussions and that pasteurized dairy contributes to ADHD. 🙄
July 18, 2022
I rate 99.9% of the books I read 5 stars because I understand books are subjective and a topic or writings tyle that doesn’t interest me may interest others. When I don’t give a book 5 stars, I give it 3 or 4 instead. This book, I gave 1 star. Why? Because I think it’s dangerous, and I cannot believe how many people follow the work of these men religiously.
When I say dangerous, this isn’t hyperbole. I found this book because I was trying to learn more about what the hell is wrong with young men in light of all of the mass shootings. Someone said Warren Farrell is really popular for his work with young men, so I checked this out. Not only is this book filled with an insane amount of misinformation and pseudoscience, but this book furthers the idea that men have it terrible because of women.
Don’t get me wrong, young men are struggling, and they need help. The issue with the book is that it’s regularly putting the blame on women, and then it also lies about statistics that are extremely easy to fact check. It’s almost as though Farrell knows he’s full of shit because he mentions statistics when they’re false but dives into them deeper when they’re accurate or referencing a good study.
My main issue with this book is that with the fact that most mass shooters are incels, this book will most likely just radicalize them more. What’s crazy is that I usually get pissed about pseudoscience in these books, but that’s the least of the issues with it. But, when it does get into “healing” towards the end with John Gray, it says homeopathy is a legitimate science and goes as far to make claims that natural remedies can cure autism (not help, but cure autism).
Check this book out if you want or if you don’t believe me. But for the love of God, don’t use it as a book to help create better young men because it’s filled with misinformation. I’d love to think it’s ignorance, but these are two smart guys, so it really feels like they do this intentionally.
If you’re interested, I wrote a piece about some of the misinformation from the book early on when I noticed how often it was happening: https://therewiredsoul.substack.com/p...
When I say dangerous, this isn’t hyperbole. I found this book because I was trying to learn more about what the hell is wrong with young men in light of all of the mass shootings. Someone said Warren Farrell is really popular for his work with young men, so I checked this out. Not only is this book filled with an insane amount of misinformation and pseudoscience, but this book furthers the idea that men have it terrible because of women.
Don’t get me wrong, young men are struggling, and they need help. The issue with the book is that it’s regularly putting the blame on women, and then it also lies about statistics that are extremely easy to fact check. It’s almost as though Farrell knows he’s full of shit because he mentions statistics when they’re false but dives into them deeper when they’re accurate or referencing a good study.
My main issue with this book is that with the fact that most mass shooters are incels, this book will most likely just radicalize them more. What’s crazy is that I usually get pissed about pseudoscience in these books, but that’s the least of the issues with it. But, when it does get into “healing” towards the end with John Gray, it says homeopathy is a legitimate science and goes as far to make claims that natural remedies can cure autism (not help, but cure autism).
Check this book out if you want or if you don’t believe me. But for the love of God, don’t use it as a book to help create better young men because it’s filled with misinformation. I’d love to think it’s ignorance, but these are two smart guys, so it really feels like they do this intentionally.
If you’re interested, I wrote a piece about some of the misinformation from the book early on when I noticed how often it was happening: https://therewiredsoul.substack.com/p...
June 10, 2019
I think the author has trouble interpreting the context of the situations he pulls statistics from. Having a background in psychology, I’m always inclined to be skeptical of how people describe and interpret research secondhand. The book has an interesting premise and does bring up a complex social problem, but the execution was all wrong and a bit repetitive. Also, some suggestions or viewpoints don’t seem to apply to the working class or situations where people may need to take a certain job or do something in order to live! Although an important topic to discuss, the book ended up disappointing me with countless stereotypes, misinformation, and misinterpretation of research.
April 20, 2018
Every legislator and family court Judge and Lawyers! Children need dads in their lives and family law makes that VERY difficult. It’s disgusting really. Please read and share with all your friends. It’s time for change❤️
May 8, 2019
I had a hard time with this book... such potential... I have a son. And I have a hard time finding motivational/inspirational things for him. The TV/Movies are all about the strong girl overcoming her obstacles in achieving her goal... all the boy shows are fighting. Maybe they are fighting for good, but they are fighting. We have swung so far from the middle to girl power...girls rule, boys drool... How do we inspire our boys to be better men and work hard when they are put down for being the male privilege, or made to look like the bumbling idiot character on shows and commercials with the inept father... and all the toys and marketing for boys is potty humor... even my 8 year old ask why toy companies think that girls what pretty toys (pink dolls and the like, art supplies, etc) and boys just want gross poop toys. He says boys do not want to play with poop, that is just gross!
The book focused on some real issues that are facing our generations of the fatherless child, the father that is not involved, etc... and yes, that is an issue. It is a very big issue for us, but I cannot force his father to be an active, positive person in his life. We are divorced and he was not an active parent, a positive role model, etc when we were together. And while the book made me the bad guy for not being too upset that his dad is not interested, which I cannot force him to be, I also do not mind that he is not (not always the best influence). I do not bad mouth my ex, but I would guess he does not extend that same courtesy. But that is not the books problem, that is mine.
The book droned on and on about having both parents active and positive influences on the children. The book droned on and on about not encouraging our sons to be "heros" or pick high risk jobs or go into the military. High risk jobs include police, fire, first responder, but also truck drivers, mechanics, roofers. The book also did say that college is not for everyone and that we do need to teach the vocational arts to our students, which is true.
The author, while maybe well meaning to have the kids not glamorize these jobs, does not have a foot in working class, middle class families and what needs to be done to survive, or wanting to have a job that they want to do.
I agree with his thoughts that the mother doesn't have to be the stay at home, the dad can. Do what makes you happy and fulfills you and the family. Work it out as a family.
What I would have liked, is to have a better guide/idea of what I, as a mother, can do to help counter-balance the father void. Instead he told me how my child will become the active shooter, suicide prone, unstable, no guidance, ill-adjusted, mess. NO HE WILL NOT!
I ended up skipping/skimming a lot of parts to see if there was anything to benefit me and my situation, but in the end I found little. In the beginning I had hope... he was going down the road of what I was looking for... but then derailed to the "luxury of divorce" as a judgment, rather than looking at the need for divorce of some families.
The book focused on some real issues that are facing our generations of the fatherless child, the father that is not involved, etc... and yes, that is an issue. It is a very big issue for us, but I cannot force his father to be an active, positive person in his life. We are divorced and he was not an active parent, a positive role model, etc when we were together. And while the book made me the bad guy for not being too upset that his dad is not interested, which I cannot force him to be, I also do not mind that he is not (not always the best influence). I do not bad mouth my ex, but I would guess he does not extend that same courtesy. But that is not the books problem, that is mine.
The book droned on and on about having both parents active and positive influences on the children. The book droned on and on about not encouraging our sons to be "heros" or pick high risk jobs or go into the military. High risk jobs include police, fire, first responder, but also truck drivers, mechanics, roofers. The book also did say that college is not for everyone and that we do need to teach the vocational arts to our students, which is true.
The author, while maybe well meaning to have the kids not glamorize these jobs, does not have a foot in working class, middle class families and what needs to be done to survive, or wanting to have a job that they want to do.
I agree with his thoughts that the mother doesn't have to be the stay at home, the dad can. Do what makes you happy and fulfills you and the family. Work it out as a family.
What I would have liked, is to have a better guide/idea of what I, as a mother, can do to help counter-balance the father void. Instead he told me how my child will become the active shooter, suicide prone, unstable, no guidance, ill-adjusted, mess. NO HE WILL NOT!
I ended up skipping/skimming a lot of parts to see if there was anything to benefit me and my situation, but in the end I found little. In the beginning I had hope... he was going down the road of what I was looking for... but then derailed to the "luxury of divorce" as a judgment, rather than looking at the need for divorce of some families.
May 10, 2018
This book has a lot of great information and that alone is worth 5 stars but there is too much repetitive info. They say the same thing over and over with a little extra elaboration. This is a big book but it didn't need to be.
January 27, 2019
Hated it. Very briefly: 1) the style - oh my goodness, this guy annoys me as much as Niall Ferguson or Nicholas Taleb; 2) strong whiff of charlatanism; 3) feeding this absurd narrative that boys/men have it worse than girls/women? Puh-leeze; 4) selfishly, it wasn't all that relevant.
December 9, 2022
I would love to rate this 5-stars because I am passionate about this subject and would love people to get smart on the issues and challenges with raising healthy young men. But sadly, on the whole, I think 3-stars is an honest rating. The parts of this book that are good are REALLY GOOD. Unfortunately, it also has several sections that are less remarkable, which drags this back down to an average, 3-star book. That said, I would absolutely recommend this book because I really do think there is a boy crisis that effects more than just our boys: all the people whose lives are forever shattered by active shooters (who are almost always disgruntled or disillusioned boys/men….and those almost exclusively raised without a father), our daughters faced with declining prospects for an equal marriage, and the overall decline in mental/physical/spiritual health for young men (and by extension everybody else).
Part of the issue is that this is really multiple books compressed into one:
- Psychological analysis of boy development (importance of fathers, social queues/rewards, etc)….EXCELLENT
- Men/father rights activism (institutional biases against men when it comes to things like custody, men taking 90%+ of all hazardous jobs, stereotypically male professions more likely to be outsourced, etc)….EXCELLENT
- Exploration of ADHD and treatment (over-diagnosis, over-medication and its side-effects, and homeopathic alternatives)…MEH, left a lot to be desired.
The principal author is Warren Farrell, a man who made a name for himself as a feminist advocate in the 1970s. As feminism achieved many of its primary goals, it produced a wide range of side effects for boys and men (most importantly loss of male identity as provider and protector of his family). The author is clearly hoping his street-cred as a feminist activist will make people open to hearing his arguments when it comes to the current crisis with boys, instead of just dismissing him as a misogynist. I hope that is the case. While I think he does a respectable job defining the issues, I believe many of his solutions are inadequate. In effect, his solutions are attempts to chart a new course and purpose for men now that their historical purpose has been destroyed. I genuinely believe these efforts run counter to human nature and as a result are predisposed to fail for the overwhelming majority of young men. At the same time, I recognize that the genie is out of the bottle and there is no turning back time….so he came up with the best solutions available to him given the constraints imposed by modern society. 3 Stars.
What follows are my notes on the book:
Is there really a boy crisis or is his just a manufactured “crisis?” The author makes a compelling case that our young men are indeed in crisis as they are declining in every single metric (mental health, academic achievement, physical health, economic success, etc):
- Young men between ages 25-31 are 66% more likely to live with their parents than girls.
- White male suicides have skyrocketed in recent years
- School shootings by disaffected young men have tripled since 2011
- More black boys are killed (most often by other black boys) at such rates that this cause of death is higher than the next 9 leading causes of death combined.
- Male prison population has skyrocketed over 700%.
- The largest single factor in predicting an early death is being male (Last time the male death rate was as high as it is now was during WWII).
- Average sperm count of a typical male has been dropping 1.5% per year for the last 40 years!
- Men fill nearly all the hazardous jobs and die at significantly higher rates (even after they leave their profession (residual alcoholism, PTSD, etc)).
- Men are more prone to obesity and “bigorexia”
- More than a third of men are so obese they are unfit for military service. A shocking percentage of police and firefighters are also obese putting other lives at risk.
- Male professions, especially those that require physical labor, are being outsourced or automated at alarming rates….economic prospects have a direct correlation to ability to find a mate/love.
The boy crisis' primary cause is “dad-deprived boys.” Dad deprivation not just correlated, but is THE single largest factor in a host of negative outcomes (bullying, rape, drugs, alcoholism, homelessness, etc). Dad deprivation stems primarily from a lack of father involvement, and secondarily from devaluing what a father contributes when he is involved. It’s not just divorce itself, but specifically the absence of dad that was the leading cause of 25 social, psychological, academic, and physical health problems in kids from broken homes. Women who get divorced are more prone to bad-mouth their child’s husband. If that child is male, he internalizes the mantra that men are trash and simply gives up. This is reinforced by modern media that almost universally show dads as idiotic buffoons (The Simpsons, Everybody Loves Raymond, Family Guy, Malcolm in the Middle, Home Improvement, Married with Children, King of Queens, Modern Family, etc, etc). Contrast this to the previous generations that promoted healthy, masculine father figures(My Three Sons, Full House, Father Knows Best, The Cosby Show, Leave it to Beaver, Fresh prince of Bel Air, Andy Griffith Show, etc.).
Even when race, education, income, and other socioeconomic factors are accounted for, living without a dad doubled a child’s chance of dropping out of high school. A staggering 85 percent of youths in prison grew up in fatherless homes. Living in a home without a dad is more correlated with suicide among teenagers than any other factor. Even physical health and lifespan is DIRECTLY impacted by a father being present. Findings published in Pediatrics in 2017 concluded that “at 9 years of age, children with father loss have significantly shorter telomeres” which are directly correlated to how long you live. Excluding fathers that abuse (i.e. physical or sexual abuse), a bad father is better than no father when it comes to the health of your offspring.
A father in the home is DIRECTLY correlated to important qualities for male success (delayed gratification, purpose, toughness, etc). Helping your son develop his sense of purpose requires beginning at a very different place than his dad-or granddad. His dad or granddad was told his sense of purpose (provider/protector). In the modern age when women can provide for themselves, your son has no default sense of purpose. Your job is to help your son find his sense of purpose. The discipline of postponing gratification is the single most important discipline your son needs.
Mothers routinely complain about their husbands rough-housing or teasing their kids. He makes a compelling argument that teasing (within reason/not abusive) actually is a critical input to raising healthy children able to operate in a hostile adult environment. Teasing/joking is different for boys and girls. When girls tease, they are seeking to exclude/punish other girls. Male teasing is a form of testing to make sure other males can hack it in tough environments BEFORE you find yourself in potential life or death situations (firefighters, police, soldiers, etc). Men want to know that their peers can handle stress and challenges before a moment of crisis.
Similarly, the author explains that dad roughhousing with the kids actually teaches kids how to handle tough situations AS WELL AS building empathy. Kids instinctively know that dad won’t hurt them, even though he is stronger. They (perhaps subconsciously) recognize that dad is showing restraint in such situations and adopt those behaviors that will serve them well in the adult world. Kids rarely learn these lessons from their mothers. Additionally, women are more prone to set standards but fathers are more likely to enforce them.
Men learn quickly that (initial) romantic success is directly correlated to financial success. The problem is while money leads to love (or at least opportunities for female attention), earning money doesn’t sustain love. Men tend to get sucked into the workaholic mindset which led their initial success, and in the process drive their wives away. You need to educate your sons on this unique challenge and the need to evolve in order to achieve long term romantic success. The author spends a lot of time trying to argue that men’s purpose void can be fulfilled by being the stay at home dad (despite the fact that he explains this is almost always unsuccessful unless a very narrow set of circumstances are fulfilled). He argues that women today have multiple options (work, stay home, etc) while men are largely relegated to one-option: work.
In addition to a purpose-void and dad-deprivation, the author spend a lot of time explaining the difference between heroic intelligence and health intelligence. For centuries boys have been challenged to be heroic (in providing/defending family, in sports, in war, willing to sacrifice their lives for others (firefighters, etc)) at the expense of their own well-being. Historically, male willingness to accept this corresponded with various social bribes (esteem, access to desirable women, etc). He argues extensively that we desperately need to teach our sons social/emotional intelligence so they can thrive in the modern era in which the old structure has broken down. [In many respects, I agree with the need for emotional intelligence training, but think this is only half the answer….women still offer the same social bribes (sexual favors to masculine men (be they quarterbacks, astronauts, etc), which only further demoralizes the overwhelming majority of men who don’t fall into those categories)]. To help learn social intelligence, the author advocates heavily for male participation in sports, especially pick-up sports where they learn social dynamics.
The author (accurately) highlights that the absence of dad creates the presence of government, which does a significantly worse job at developing children than fathers. In a round-about way, the author attempt to fill the male purpose void by stressing the heroic necessity of fatherhood. [Again, I agree in part, but think this incomplete. Regardless of what society has decided is politically correct, male purpose is inextricably linked to providing and protecting a family (including your wife) and men are best served by finding a partner that agrees with that worldview….you are free to disagree, that’s just my opinion].
With his track record in the feminist movement, the author also argues extensively that the White House needs to develop a “Council on Boys and Men” just like they did for women in 2009.
The final section of the book, covers the diagnosis of ADD/ADHD and the overmedication of boys. Again, I wholeheartedly agree with this at face value: I think boys are significantly overmedicated for no other reason than that they are boys. That said, the longer the author talked (and he talked A LOT) about homeopathic solutions, the more he sounded a bit like a quack. I am clearly no scientist, so I am sure I am oversimplifying this but just let boys burn off some energy during the day so they are not hyper when it comes time to learn, or find alternative teaching methods to engage active boys; Again, just my opinion). I also recognize that there is a minority of boys that have legitimate medical diagnoses that require some form of treatment….I just don’t think it is the astronomical number of perfectly healthy boys that we are medicating today.
Part of the issue is that this is really multiple books compressed into one:
- Psychological analysis of boy development (importance of fathers, social queues/rewards, etc)….EXCELLENT
- Men/father rights activism (institutional biases against men when it comes to things like custody, men taking 90%+ of all hazardous jobs, stereotypically male professions more likely to be outsourced, etc)….EXCELLENT
- Exploration of ADHD and treatment (over-diagnosis, over-medication and its side-effects, and homeopathic alternatives)…MEH, left a lot to be desired.
The principal author is Warren Farrell, a man who made a name for himself as a feminist advocate in the 1970s. As feminism achieved many of its primary goals, it produced a wide range of side effects for boys and men (most importantly loss of male identity as provider and protector of his family). The author is clearly hoping his street-cred as a feminist activist will make people open to hearing his arguments when it comes to the current crisis with boys, instead of just dismissing him as a misogynist. I hope that is the case. While I think he does a respectable job defining the issues, I believe many of his solutions are inadequate. In effect, his solutions are attempts to chart a new course and purpose for men now that their historical purpose has been destroyed. I genuinely believe these efforts run counter to human nature and as a result are predisposed to fail for the overwhelming majority of young men. At the same time, I recognize that the genie is out of the bottle and there is no turning back time….so he came up with the best solutions available to him given the constraints imposed by modern society. 3 Stars.
What follows are my notes on the book:
Is there really a boy crisis or is his just a manufactured “crisis?” The author makes a compelling case that our young men are indeed in crisis as they are declining in every single metric (mental health, academic achievement, physical health, economic success, etc):
- Young men between ages 25-31 are 66% more likely to live with their parents than girls.
- White male suicides have skyrocketed in recent years
- School shootings by disaffected young men have tripled since 2011
- More black boys are killed (most often by other black boys) at such rates that this cause of death is higher than the next 9 leading causes of death combined.
- Male prison population has skyrocketed over 700%.
- The largest single factor in predicting an early death is being male (Last time the male death rate was as high as it is now was during WWII).
- Average sperm count of a typical male has been dropping 1.5% per year for the last 40 years!
- Men fill nearly all the hazardous jobs and die at significantly higher rates (even after they leave their profession (residual alcoholism, PTSD, etc)).
- Men are more prone to obesity and “bigorexia”
- More than a third of men are so obese they are unfit for military service. A shocking percentage of police and firefighters are also obese putting other lives at risk.
- Male professions, especially those that require physical labor, are being outsourced or automated at alarming rates….economic prospects have a direct correlation to ability to find a mate/love.
The boy crisis' primary cause is “dad-deprived boys.” Dad deprivation not just correlated, but is THE single largest factor in a host of negative outcomes (bullying, rape, drugs, alcoholism, homelessness, etc). Dad deprivation stems primarily from a lack of father involvement, and secondarily from devaluing what a father contributes when he is involved. It’s not just divorce itself, but specifically the absence of dad that was the leading cause of 25 social, psychological, academic, and physical health problems in kids from broken homes. Women who get divorced are more prone to bad-mouth their child’s husband. If that child is male, he internalizes the mantra that men are trash and simply gives up. This is reinforced by modern media that almost universally show dads as idiotic buffoons (The Simpsons, Everybody Loves Raymond, Family Guy, Malcolm in the Middle, Home Improvement, Married with Children, King of Queens, Modern Family, etc, etc). Contrast this to the previous generations that promoted healthy, masculine father figures(My Three Sons, Full House, Father Knows Best, The Cosby Show, Leave it to Beaver, Fresh prince of Bel Air, Andy Griffith Show, etc.).
Even when race, education, income, and other socioeconomic factors are accounted for, living without a dad doubled a child’s chance of dropping out of high school. A staggering 85 percent of youths in prison grew up in fatherless homes. Living in a home without a dad is more correlated with suicide among teenagers than any other factor. Even physical health and lifespan is DIRECTLY impacted by a father being present. Findings published in Pediatrics in 2017 concluded that “at 9 years of age, children with father loss have significantly shorter telomeres” which are directly correlated to how long you live. Excluding fathers that abuse (i.e. physical or sexual abuse), a bad father is better than no father when it comes to the health of your offspring.
A father in the home is DIRECTLY correlated to important qualities for male success (delayed gratification, purpose, toughness, etc). Helping your son develop his sense of purpose requires beginning at a very different place than his dad-or granddad. His dad or granddad was told his sense of purpose (provider/protector). In the modern age when women can provide for themselves, your son has no default sense of purpose. Your job is to help your son find his sense of purpose. The discipline of postponing gratification is the single most important discipline your son needs.
Mothers routinely complain about their husbands rough-housing or teasing their kids. He makes a compelling argument that teasing (within reason/not abusive) actually is a critical input to raising healthy children able to operate in a hostile adult environment. Teasing/joking is different for boys and girls. When girls tease, they are seeking to exclude/punish other girls. Male teasing is a form of testing to make sure other males can hack it in tough environments BEFORE you find yourself in potential life or death situations (firefighters, police, soldiers, etc). Men want to know that their peers can handle stress and challenges before a moment of crisis.
Similarly, the author explains that dad roughhousing with the kids actually teaches kids how to handle tough situations AS WELL AS building empathy. Kids instinctively know that dad won’t hurt them, even though he is stronger. They (perhaps subconsciously) recognize that dad is showing restraint in such situations and adopt those behaviors that will serve them well in the adult world. Kids rarely learn these lessons from their mothers. Additionally, women are more prone to set standards but fathers are more likely to enforce them.
Men learn quickly that (initial) romantic success is directly correlated to financial success. The problem is while money leads to love (or at least opportunities for female attention), earning money doesn’t sustain love. Men tend to get sucked into the workaholic mindset which led their initial success, and in the process drive their wives away. You need to educate your sons on this unique challenge and the need to evolve in order to achieve long term romantic success. The author spends a lot of time trying to argue that men’s purpose void can be fulfilled by being the stay at home dad (despite the fact that he explains this is almost always unsuccessful unless a very narrow set of circumstances are fulfilled). He argues that women today have multiple options (work, stay home, etc) while men are largely relegated to one-option: work.
In addition to a purpose-void and dad-deprivation, the author spend a lot of time explaining the difference between heroic intelligence and health intelligence. For centuries boys have been challenged to be heroic (in providing/defending family, in sports, in war, willing to sacrifice their lives for others (firefighters, etc)) at the expense of their own well-being. Historically, male willingness to accept this corresponded with various social bribes (esteem, access to desirable women, etc). He argues extensively that we desperately need to teach our sons social/emotional intelligence so they can thrive in the modern era in which the old structure has broken down. [In many respects, I agree with the need for emotional intelligence training, but think this is only half the answer….women still offer the same social bribes (sexual favors to masculine men (be they quarterbacks, astronauts, etc), which only further demoralizes the overwhelming majority of men who don’t fall into those categories)]. To help learn social intelligence, the author advocates heavily for male participation in sports, especially pick-up sports where they learn social dynamics.
The author (accurately) highlights that the absence of dad creates the presence of government, which does a significantly worse job at developing children than fathers. In a round-about way, the author attempt to fill the male purpose void by stressing the heroic necessity of fatherhood. [Again, I agree in part, but think this incomplete. Regardless of what society has decided is politically correct, male purpose is inextricably linked to providing and protecting a family (including your wife) and men are best served by finding a partner that agrees with that worldview….you are free to disagree, that’s just my opinion].
With his track record in the feminist movement, the author also argues extensively that the White House needs to develop a “Council on Boys and Men” just like they did for women in 2009.
The final section of the book, covers the diagnosis of ADD/ADHD and the overmedication of boys. Again, I wholeheartedly agree with this at face value: I think boys are significantly overmedicated for no other reason than that they are boys. That said, the longer the author talked (and he talked A LOT) about homeopathic solutions, the more he sounded a bit like a quack. I am clearly no scientist, so I am sure I am oversimplifying this but just let boys burn off some energy during the day so they are not hyper when it comes time to learn, or find alternative teaching methods to engage active boys; Again, just my opinion). I also recognize that there is a minority of boys that have legitimate medical diagnoses that require some form of treatment….I just don’t think it is the astronomical number of perfectly healthy boys that we are medicating today.
June 30, 2025
But for John Gray's contribution in which he sings praises to homeopathy, it might have been quite a worthy, though somewhat controversial, book.
February 20, 2021
This book is something of an oddity, with most of the content reflecting more deeply the commonly preached points of the men's rights movement, and the last portion veering into a long-winded and questionable sales pitch that does disservice to Warren Farrell's work.
Farrel covers a variety of bases and brings to light the current struggles faced by the male sex, from education into more biological issues. He enumerates his points with extensive data and does well in maintaining a fairly politically neutral stance throughout the majority of his analyses. His works also encompass society as a whole, which all too often seems to 'escape' the mainstream media in the divisive victimhood narratives portrayed.
For all the research cited, it seems to me that the evolutionary biology portion was conveniently left out to support his points and vision of a more balanced footing between men and women. Farrell does, however, provide some practical solutions that can help to improve the state of boys - and society at large.
The later portion of the book is puzzling, with John Gray going into what appears to be an exercise in shilling, perhaps capitalizing on whatever heightened emotional state may have been presumed from the earlier works of Farrell. Gray does make some interesting points with regard to external factors influencing men in modern society, but his push to sell products through his site was strong enough to degrade his credibility and bring question to the validity of his claims.
If you're interested in men's issues or have children, you may very well find this a good read, as Farrell does a good job in providing some practical advice. Looking to save time? Skip the last third of this.
Farrel covers a variety of bases and brings to light the current struggles faced by the male sex, from education into more biological issues. He enumerates his points with extensive data and does well in maintaining a fairly politically neutral stance throughout the majority of his analyses. His works also encompass society as a whole, which all too often seems to 'escape' the mainstream media in the divisive victimhood narratives portrayed.
For all the research cited, it seems to me that the evolutionary biology portion was conveniently left out to support his points and vision of a more balanced footing between men and women. Farrell does, however, provide some practical solutions that can help to improve the state of boys - and society at large.
The later portion of the book is puzzling, with John Gray going into what appears to be an exercise in shilling, perhaps capitalizing on whatever heightened emotional state may have been presumed from the earlier works of Farrell. Gray does make some interesting points with regard to external factors influencing men in modern society, but his push to sell products through his site was strong enough to degrade his credibility and bring question to the validity of his claims.
If you're interested in men's issues or have children, you may very well find this a good read, as Farrell does a good job in providing some practical advice. Looking to save time? Skip the last third of this.
March 26, 2019
I took this out from the library knowing nothing about it, just because I have a son and was curious. I'm disgusted by the language used in the first chapter and will be returning it shortly.
April 16, 2024
I was expecting this book to focus on parenting boys (kind of like Raising Cain). While it partly did so, the book spoke more generally about struggles that males face in American society. I tend to chafe against the idea of “men’s rights,” as it feels like a reactionary movement to feminism. However, I thought that Warren Farrell did a fine job of portraying “the boy crisis” as unfinished feminism rather than a feminism-caused issue.
Statistics make it pretty difficult to ignore the reality of a boy crisis. Teenage boys are four times more likely to commit suicide than teenage girls. Boys are far less likely to graduate high school and pursue higher education than girls. Mass shooters overwhelmingly tend to be boys. Men have a much harder time gaining custody for their child than women after a divorce. The list continues, but suffice it to say that I was pretty solidly convinced that there is a boy crisis.
The solutions Farrell recommends distinguish this book from one that belongs in the I’m-upset-because-women-are-working category. Farrell’s overarching recommendation is that fathers become more involved in parenting. Marriages should be strengthened, and when divorce does occur, equal parenting afterwards should be the norm. Additionally, boys need to be taught that pursuing a care profession (e.g., nurse and elementary school teacher) or being a stay-at-home dad is just as honorable as joining the military or becoming a firefighter. Honestly, as someone who has wanted to join the military for years and wants a reputation of being tough, I struggle with this one - not in accepting its value, but in implementing it. I won’t list the rest of Farrell’s recommendations, but I do find them beneficial to both sexes and necessary for filling boys’ purpose voids.
Minus one star because the book sometimes veered off topic and often presented issues without solutions. Minus another star because I want to save five stars for books that are truly incredible.
Statistics make it pretty difficult to ignore the reality of a boy crisis. Teenage boys are four times more likely to commit suicide than teenage girls. Boys are far less likely to graduate high school and pursue higher education than girls. Mass shooters overwhelmingly tend to be boys. Men have a much harder time gaining custody for their child than women after a divorce. The list continues, but suffice it to say that I was pretty solidly convinced that there is a boy crisis.
The solutions Farrell recommends distinguish this book from one that belongs in the I’m-upset-because-women-are-working category. Farrell’s overarching recommendation is that fathers become more involved in parenting. Marriages should be strengthened, and when divorce does occur, equal parenting afterwards should be the norm. Additionally, boys need to be taught that pursuing a care profession (e.g., nurse and elementary school teacher) or being a stay-at-home dad is just as honorable as joining the military or becoming a firefighter. Honestly, as someone who has wanted to join the military for years and wants a reputation of being tough, I struggle with this one - not in accepting its value, but in implementing it. I won’t list the rest of Farrell’s recommendations, but I do find them beneficial to both sexes and necessary for filling boys’ purpose voids.
Minus one star because the book sometimes veered off topic and often presented issues without solutions. Minus another star because I want to save five stars for books that are truly incredible.
August 18, 2020
Warren continues his work on trying to understand the male condition and to his credit, he consistently keeps it in a feminist-friendly frame with an eye to extending gender liberation to men. If you have read any of his previous works (As I had with The Myth of Male Power) you will recognize many of the examples and arguments are given but this book comes at them from the frame of parenthood and helping younger men and boys.
He provides good evidenced examples of the differing rates of suicide and disease. Unfortunately, the analysis offered is often somewhat surface level and is punctuated throughout by pseudoscience about plastics byproducts and estrogen, primal wounds (with adoption) and the worst is a ramble around ADHD which while I agree Psychiatry has often fallen short of the Mental Health models we need promoting natural supplements as a treatment is just baffling.
If you are interested in Warrens's work I would much more suggest you read The Myth of Male Power as even though it has its problems its a much more well-rounded book. If you are looking for something from the frame of hetereonormative parenthood and want some practical advice it does offer that but it must be read with a critical eye.
He provides good evidenced examples of the differing rates of suicide and disease. Unfortunately, the analysis offered is often somewhat surface level and is punctuated throughout by pseudoscience about plastics byproducts and estrogen, primal wounds (with adoption) and the worst is a ramble around ADHD which while I agree Psychiatry has often fallen short of the Mental Health models we need promoting natural supplements as a treatment is just baffling.
If you are interested in Warrens's work I would much more suggest you read The Myth of Male Power as even though it has its problems its a much more well-rounded book. If you are looking for something from the frame of hetereonormative parenthood and want some practical advice it does offer that but it must be read with a critical eye.
October 4, 2019
What an eye-opening and yet disturbing book. As usual, it seems we fight to give all equal opportunity, but instead of working together, some feel it is necessary to step on the heads of others in order to find that so-called "equality." In other words, someone must go down in order for someone to rise above. The new 'feminism' has done more damage to men and women than I can possibly imagine. So sad that so many have allowed the media to push us into accepting that the US is a horrible place and the only way to even the playing field is to destroy one race/gender/religion/political belief. It's disgusting. Why can't we all just live and let live?
It is a great read for those with male children, grandchildren, nephews or friends. Really great advice on how to turn this craziness on its head when it comes to positively influencing our male children. Please read and encourage others to read and share!
It is a great read for those with male children, grandchildren, nephews or friends. Really great advice on how to turn this craziness on its head when it comes to positively influencing our male children. Please read and encourage others to read and share!
June 6, 2021
I prevaricated reading this book, for two reasons; the first one is that I need to open the can of worms that was my parents’ divorce and the subsequent absence of my father in my life. I never looked into it, have no memories/feel completely indifferent about it. But that was what my mother demanded from me. I was 6. I doubt I was indifferent.
The only way I can get in touch with what happened is to read books about it.
But - 2nd reason - I’m a woman and I found myself getting very frustrated about the focus on boys. Yes, I know, there was a clue in the title. But I just haven’t been able to find books about the impact of fatherlessness on both sexes, or just girls.
Anyway, the book was great, gave solid facts, even if I find it a bit maudlin at times. I’m now frustrated and angry but that’s not the book’s fault, it’s something I need to go through. The list of negative effects was worth the price of the book
The only way I can get in touch with what happened is to read books about it.
But - 2nd reason - I’m a woman and I found myself getting very frustrated about the focus on boys. Yes, I know, there was a clue in the title. But I just haven’t been able to find books about the impact of fatherlessness on both sexes, or just girls.
Anyway, the book was great, gave solid facts, even if I find it a bit maudlin at times. I’m now frustrated and angry but that’s not the book’s fault, it’s something I need to go through. The list of negative effects was worth the price of the book
May 4, 2018
A thought provoking read on an underreported issue.
July 15, 2018
chapters on dad deprivation and purpose void were golden. chapters on food and diet were way too long and boring.
July 9, 2018
The Boy Crisis is an excellent read: very well researched and documented. I picked this book due to the fact that as an 8th grade reading / language arts teacher, half of my time is spent in disciplining students (both boys and girls). I do believe that education is changing and will need change again due to the needs of all struggling students. Farrell suggests that a large part of the difficulty is the lack of strong leadership from fathers and/or the lack of fathers in the lives of both boys and girls. Farrell explains the problem in depth and makes many worthy suggestions. I wold like to see more mention of the influence of religion (though it is referred to) and more research done on fathers who are indeed a very real and very bad influence on the lives of both sons and daughters. Throughout, Farrell is most ardent about biological fathers being important - but in several brief situations of my experience, biological fathers have certainly been detrimental. However, on another plus side, Dr. John Gray has contributed an important section on ADHD and natural solutions to this serious dilemma - also an invaluable contribution to this book.
July 10, 2018
Great information on raising boys
The statistics alone will be an eye opener for any parent. This books has some great insight on raising boys and how to help guide them down a path towards stability.
The statistics alone will be an eye opener for any parent. This books has some great insight on raising boys and how to help guide them down a path towards stability.
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