Review 4.5. She was a preppy kind of girl. Neat clothes and hair, always wore make-up even at 15, ambitions to go to an Ivy League, crush on a suitable guy, friends to eat lunch and go shopping in the mall with. Nice normal girl from a nice normal well-off home doing all the right things. AND then She has a dream - she has a brain tumour. She hears a radio program. It confirms it. If only she doesn't do..... remember all that not stepping on the cracks?
It starts off easy, do this and you won't have cancer, don't do that and your mother won't get cancer, die in a car accident or or or, don't touch this, don't eat don't don't don't. That little voice we all have in our heads has become an external entity, a monstertelling her what she can and can't do to keep the brain cancer away and her family safe. Later it will be God telling her to read her bible until 3.45 a.m. and to stand on one foot to please Him and different do this but don't do that. It consumes every waking moment of her life.
She's anorexic, lost her friends, is sleeping on the floor, not brushing her teeth, her hair is in dreadlocks,she wears fuzzy pyjamas to school, refuses to wear socks or a jacket in the middle of winter, carries all her books everywhere instead of using a locker, and is frightened of pens and pencils, all except one little nub of a pencil, and you wonder why her teachers are no more than 'concerned' and why her mother lets her carry on.
I see that she is doing her best to appear normal, but her friends aren't fooled with her strange gait and counting steps and playing with her food but not eating it and her thinness. But her mother is put off by her 14 year old daughter's excuses and curt manner and doesn't see where she sleeps, doesn't know she hides her lunches even when they have gone mouldy (but sees how thin she is). Why she has not taken her to the doctor, forcibly if necessary is beyond me.
But then, her mother does take her to a doctor and it pours out of her, and out of her father, all the things they had noticed. Why had they waited so long - this is never answered and leaves a disturbed feeling about the book which was written as though it was happening now but actually was written many years in the future.
Then the surprising thing happens, as soon as she sees a psychologist, it all came pouring out. More than that. The doctor wants her to check off from a list all the phobias and fears and objects that frighten her, but the author continues on, writing for three pages of all her obsessions. She doesn't know it but she is desperate for a cure.
The treatment is desensitisation, just minutes at a time, feel the fear, hold it, think of it as a number, keep on with the item and after a few minutes feel the fear diminish, down from a 10 to a 7, easier to manage. One by one, slowly, the obsessions diminish like this and some disappear of their own accord or she feels strong enough to conquer them by herself.
Eventually she is fine again, shopping in Nordstrom's with her mother, having friends, getting into an Ivy League school and eventually marrying and writing this book. But the doctor had told her that OCD is for life, it is something that will always be lurking in the background, waxing and waning, always needing a watchful eye to stop symptoms from every getting out of hand.
Strange though, the onset. Normal one day, a nightmare, a radio program, and like going into the deep end of the pool from the shallow end, feeling life closing down, closing in, and no escape. Then suddenly, almost too late really, why did her parents and teachers wait, a lifeline and she's ok. A good book, a compelling read, I couldn't put it down. I hope the author is happy all her life and never descends into that misery again
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The book is really a 4.5 star. It misses being totally a 5 best book because two things are never questioned at all and I wanted them thoroughly explored. The first was what was there about her that predisposed her to extreme OCD from a nightmare and a radio show? Was there something in her personality or home life or what? And if nothing but it 'just happened' and could happen to anyone, then that would have been valuable information.
The second thing was, why did it take so long to get her to a doctor? She is walking around with matted hair since she won't brush it, smells, doesn't brush her teeth, wears pyjamas and shoes with no socks or a jacket despite it being mid-winter and she has become exceedingly underweight. Why did they wait?
So 4.5 star downgraded because although it was a good read, and very interesting, these questions are ones that are going to occur to everyone -except perhaps the author and her editor, and they leave me wanting to know.