I'm Judging You: The Do-Better Manual

by Luvvie Ajayi Jones

Comedian, activist, and hugely popular culture blogger at AwesomelyLuvvie.com, Luvvie Ajayi, serves up necessary advice for the common senseless in this hilarious book of essays. "This truth-riot of a book gives us everything from hilarious lectures on the bad behavior all around us to the razor sharp essays on media and culture" (Shonda Rhimes, New York Times best-selling author of Year of Yes and executive producer of Scandal and Grey's Anatomy) "I don't know how Luvvie Ajayi got so smart so young about so many things, from feminism to social media, from the pervasiveness of rape culture to the excellence of Red Lobster's Cheddar Bay Biscuits. I'm just grateful she has chosen to share her wisdom with the rest of us..." (Jennifer Weiner, number-one New York Times best-selling author of Best Friends Forever) "You will love Luvvie Ajayi's I'm Judging You, and you will argue with it, laugh hysterically at it, shout 'AW HELL YES' at it, and carry parts of it in your heart to dissect or inspire... Perfect for starting important and meaty discussions about all of the topics your mama told you never to bring up at polite dinner parties." (Jenny Lawson, New York Times best-selling author of Furiously Happy)

With over 500,000 readers a month at her enormously popular blog, AwesomelyLuvvie.com, Luvvie Ajayi has become a go-to source for smart takes on pop culture. I'm Judging You is her debut book of humorous essays that dissects our cultural obsessions and calls out bad behavior in our increasingly digital, connected lives—from the importance of the newest Shonda Rhimes television drama to serious discussions of race and media representation to what to do about your fool cousin sharing casket pictures from Grandma's wake on Facebook. With a lighthearted, razor-sharp wit and a unique perspective, I'm Judging You is the audiobook the world needs, doling out the hard truths and a road map for bringing some "act right" into our lives, social media, and popular culture.

Genres: Nonfiction, Humor, Essays, Audiobook, Self Help, Feminism, Memoir

7 pages, Audible Audio

First published September 13, 2016

About the author

Luvvie Ajayi Jones is a 4-time NYT bestselling author, speaker and entrepreneur who thrives at the intersection of culture, business and leadership. She's CEO and Chief Creative Officer of Awe Luv Media, and founder of The Book Academy.

She has written 4 critically acclaimed bestselling books (including her banner book Professional Troublemaker: The Fear-Fighter Manual and her children’s book Little Troublemaker Makes a Mess), establishing her as a literary force with a powerful pen.

With a passion and proven track record of creating and launching successful books, Luvvie founded The Book Academy (TBA), as a platform to help others do the same. TBA is a masterclass and coaching suite designed to guide students from the initial idea to the final reality of a published book. http://thebookacademy.com

Reviews

[Kia Kia · Rating 2 out of 5]

Please understand that I pre-ordered this book and wanted to LOVE it!! I shared this book on Social Media and asked others if they wanted to read it together. I even got the audio book to make it feel more like I was having a conversation with my girlfriends.

Throughout the book, I struggled to determine who was the intended audience and who would benefit from reading it the most. There were no new ideas presented here and nothing you wouldn't know about her thoughts if you currently follow her on social media. In the end, it just felt like a really long blog post and I was expecting a bit more.

If you are moderately educated, either formally or informally, and consider yourself to be somewhat "woke", there is nothing discussed in this book that you already haven't discussed with your friends.

I thought the narration on the audiobook fell flat. The comedic timing and punchlines didn't provide the same humor as reading her posts online. I had to put the book speed up to 1.25x to make it more manageable to get through.

So again, I wanted to know who I thought would benefit the most from this book and my final conclusion would be my 18-year-old self. It's a cool overview for a multitude of topics if you are young and just figuring out what's what in the world. As a 32-year-old college-educated woman with a family and a career, I can say that I didn't get much from this book. A few laughs, but nothing intriguing enough to do further research or even share talking points with a friend.

I still say check it out if you like Luvvie, maybe skip the audiobook. Luvvie still has my online support, but this book didn't do it for me. I'm looking forward to whatever she does next!

[Jenny Lawson · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love Luvvie. The end.

[Victoria Schwab · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really, really enjoyed this one.

[Diane · Rating 2 out of 5]

Don't judge me, but I didn't like this book as much as I had hoped. A friend had given me a copy, saying it was hilarious, but I struggled to finish it.

Luvvie Ajayi is described on the back cover as a "hugely popular blogger," but I confess I hadn't heard of her before I was handed this book. (I'm not on Twitter, so I miss all these social media stars.) Luvvie said she was inspired to write this book when she saw a picture on Facebook of someone's dead grandmother being prepared for burial.

Who does that? Why would you upload a snapshot of your deceased relative? What are you trying to prove? ... Did some of us not get a limited-edition handbook with instructions on how not to suck? Was there a boot camp on decency that some people simply missed the sign-up for? Why are people terrible? ... We are living in a new world, and there are now new rules. Information travels faster than ever, instantly exposing who is the emperor without clothes.

Clearly, we need a playbook, a guide to help people get a bit of common sense and some behavior as they navigate today's hyper-obsessions with pop culture, social-media sharing, and outright naval-gazing.

Supposedly, Luvvie's book will be that guide. But instead of being useful or humorous, it came across as obnoxious. She gripes about annoying dinner companions, annoying friends, annoying TV shows, annoying Facebook posts. At least half the book is Luvvie ranting about how annoying social media is, which is ironic considering that's how she became famous. She has an entire chapter about hashtags. (#Overkill) My advice for people who frequently complain about social media is TO STOP USING IT. No one is forcing you to constantly check Facebook and Twitter and Instagram and Snapchat and whatever will be the hot new app next month. Social media can be addictive, and Step One is recognizing you have a problem. (I'm side-eying you, Luvvie.)

Frankly, the only chapters I thought worth reading in this book were the ones on racism, homophobia and rape culture. She speaks some truths about how far we still have to go as a society in treating everyone with dignity and respect.

We're living in a world where the cycle of sexual abuse thrives and rape culture is considered a myth by too many. There is a continuum of cultural attitudes that facilitate abuse ... and it starts with seemingly trite things that include catcalling ...

Rape culture does not mean every man is a rapist. It does mean that we're surrounded by a cultural atmosphere that perpetuates and enables the harming and violation of girls and women physically, emotionally, and sexually .. I am judging people who don't recognize that this is another system of oppression that we live in and that it should be taken seriously.

I ended up listening to this book on audio, because I couldn't finish it in print. (I felt compelled to finish since my friend had given it to me. #Responsibility) There is an ongoing trend of popular bloggers getting book deals, but I maintain that just because someone is good at blogging doesn't mean they can write a good book. Maybe I'm Judging You will be best appreciated by readers who are already fans of Luvvie's blog.

[Kim · Rating 4 out of 5]

I received this book through the librarything Early Reviewers program.

I was not familiar with the author, and the cover copy makes it seem like this is going to be another one of those books written by a blogger or celebrity that try very hard to be funny but don't say anything of substance.

I was a bit surprised by how wrong that assumption was! Luvvie covers social media, bad manners, and other somewhat trivial topics with insight and wit. Where she really shines, however, is in the section of the book discussing impossible standards of beauty, racism, honophobia, sexism, and other social issues.

I occasionally disagree with her on minor points, and there are certainly other books thoroughly examining these topics, but she does a fantastic job at giving an overview of the issues. She's irreverent and funny and ultimately challenging readers to be more thoughtful better people. I think this book will really be enjoyed by serious-minded readers in their 20s and 30s who will understand the pop culture references sprinkled throughout.

[Camy · Rating 2 out of 5]

2.5

This was okay. It's not bad; it's just not profound. There's nothing new here, but I didn't really expect there to be.

(Truth be told, I don't really get her draw online or in this book to the extent other people do, but hey...)

Anyway...

Luvvie, who I do follow online to see what people are talking about, is good at providing a space for Black women and others to gather. She excels at creating an online watering hole, water cooler place for the collection of this community's thoughts, jokes, gripes, concerns, cultural sayings, bantering, and insights as people react and respond to current events and to issues that particularly affect Black women. This book is comprised of these aggregate observations.

This isn't to undermine Luvvie or this book, but it is really simply a convergence of common sense here. And, I suppose, for people who lack general reasoning this would be moving, which would be wonderful. Indeed, if one needs to be told not to attempt to use a sex tape as a means of garnering fame or one needs to be told that you should do good in this world in service of others then, yes, this book is absolutely necessary. For the rest of us, though, it's just a luke-warm reminder of what we already know. Notwithstanding, I will add that Luvvie's down home, woman of the people style suits the delivery of these missives, which apparently has served to make her popular.

I do, however, have a hard time treating these thrown together messages as a unified book. Luvvie writes short pieces online and this book reads as such. There was a dearth of fluidity and cohesion. The movement from topic to topic was tenuous and questionable at times. When she moved into each topic fully she'd hit her stride, at least. It was just necessary to push through the awkward shifts between chapters et al.

It was also necessary to push through that filler chapter on comic sans font. I get that Luvvie is a techie person but this epistle on font was blatant padding. It was boring and served no real purpose.

All in all, I am glad that she has gotten the opportunities afforded. More Black woman voices and perspectives need to be heard. It's also great that her online space allows for thousands to commune. I just find this book reflective or derivative of all these voices, and kinda pedestrian and blog-like. Again, not terrible but not at all inspiring.

That said, there were some timely messages that I was glad to re-hear, particularly those on social media. Sometimes we need to step outside ourselves and be reminded of our inner perceptions. This book does a good job of doing such.

Additionally, I listened to this. Luvvie narrates her own book. Her accent and pronunciation of certain words were diverting for me :-) I could tell when her voice was strained in later chapters; she sounded a bit hoarse. Neither of these put me off, though. What did get very tiresome as I listened was the negative tone in the second and third part of the book. Her voice just sounded so harsh, critcising, displeased...negative. And I know this is a book about judging but the tone paired with didactic crusading made me have to take breaks at times.

TL:DR = mediocre, not worth the hype...but a good opportunity for a Black woman and good to see the support of this community behind her.


ETA: Feb, 7th - now this book is going to be turned into a series by Shonda Rimes, which is amazing...but I don't see how. How is this going to translate to tv?
What I really want to say, besides genuinely not conceiving of the structure this will take, is that I don't think there's any real substance here for that.
Notwithstanding, other flimsy books by white women authors have made their way to the screen so yaaay to such being done for this book.

[Erica · Rating 5 out of 5]

4 stars for content + 1 star for Luvvie reading her own book = 5 stars!

When I returned Letter to My Daughter, I saw that this was available on Overdrive. I've had it on my wish list since it was released but it was always checked out so I obviously had to click the BORROW button on this immediately and that's how it became Book Three of my inadvertent themed reading spree.

I've been stalking Luvvie on the interwebs for maybe three years? I like her. She’s a little off the wall and over the top or, as kids these day say, “extra.” She’s funny and informative, she exudes happiness, she’s energetic, and she’s got wicked sharp style and killer side eye. I really like her online persona.
Now that I've listened to this audiobook, I like her even more. I was surprised that we share so many opinions. She’s 13 years younger than I, we have nothing at all in common and yet, I was solidly with her 92% of the time throughout this book*.
I took 4 pages of notes, tweeted my thoughts, and added at least a million quotes to Goodreads throughout my listening experience. That's how serious I was about this book.

It is divided into four main parts: Life, Culture, Social Media, and Fame. Each chapter in each part picks at some area of human stupidity in which we engage. For instance, Life covers crappy friends, being bad at romantic relationships, the harm in beauty standards, and the harm in eschewing hygiene altogether because beauty standards be damned. This was the part that had me cackling like a hyena and, at one point, I practically yelled at my computer, "YES! LUVVIE, YES YOU ARE RIGHT ABOUT MOISTURIZING!"
But I didn't because I have good decorum at work.


Culture covers racism, feminism, some intersectionality, and religion. This is where I learned what kind of racist I am: I am the well-meaning oblivious racist. I appreciate knowing this because, like any illness, once it's identified, you can start treating it. I don't think it's a curable disease for me but I think, with treatment, there will be fewer flare-ups and I will be able to keep from passing it on to the next generation. That's my hope, at least. I paid attention and worked hard at listening during this part and I hope I picked up some of the messages I was supposed to harvest.

Social Media is obvious but also important because it's hard to not be easily influenced by all that online information whizzing around everywhere all the time. The most stunning words in this part were "pound sign" - Luvvie is old enough to know that a hashtag is called a pound sign. (If you're about to tell me it's really called an octothorpe, you can go sit somewhere else because only you call it that, no one else does)(If you're about to tell me a pound sign is an L-shaped symbol denoting currency, I'm going to tell you that it is not that in America and I'm American so that means that everything I think and say is right and the rest of the world is wrong because that is the American way and you can just stay in Britain, dissenting voice)
But anyway...
This was another part for all the chuckles and the nodding and the YES, ME TOO!-ing

The last part covers fame and it's the only bit I couldn't really follow along with because I don't dabble in fame. I am not famous, I don't really know anyone famous, my life has not been impacted by fame, and I don't watch reality TV. So for me, this was the least edifying part of the four but I was enjoying her ranting about all things fame-related so it was still a good time.

If you're a stalker and have an eidetic memory, you might be wondering why this got all the stars while books in a similar vein - Bad Feminist, You Can't Touch My Hair: And Other Things I Still Have to Explain, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?, to a lesser extent, and others that examine racism and feminism in the intersection of pop culture - didn't do much for me.
Some of it just boils down to my like of Luvvie. The rest, though, stems from the fact that this author sets down concrete criticisms that aren't just peeves for her but are actually harmful components of current society. She may be breezy at times but she's neither flippant nor disingenuous, she is being sincere in her complaints. Her anger at the way we act, herself included, is because she knows we can and should be better than this. This is much more the call to the floor than those other books which, to me, were more indulgent, fluffier, and, ironically, more judgey.

*So, Erica, you may be asking. What was the 8% disagreement?
I'll tell you.
Death.
Luvvie and I do not see eye-to-eye on death or, more specifically, the decorum surrounding death. I disagree with the impropriety of posting videos or pictures of your own loved ones’ deaths. If it’s to get attention for yourself, sure, maybe try to do it more tastefully like with just a “Grandpa died, please give me hugs" post but I think it's important to remember that death is the end of life, it's not a special, sacred thing that cannot be discussed or talked about. However, while death is common (everyone does it) it's also momentous because most of us do it only once, making it as important as other big events like births, graduations, weddings and the like. We talk about those things and we post pictures and videos of the moments surrounding other notable times. We should do the same with death. Death shouldn’t be the shameful genital of life. Genitals shouldn’t be shameful, either, actually. We've got to stop creating a sense of impropriety around important but common things and I'm judging her right back for railing against the death-positive movement.
Other than that, though, she and I are side by side and I will always be up for being bitches together.

PS - if you'd like to get a taste of Luvvie before committing, I recommend her podcast, Rants and Randomness

And now, Book Four!

[Tori (InToriLex) · Rating 4 out of 5]

Find this and other Reviews at In Tori Lex
Actual Rating 3.5 Stars

I enjoyed the many topics covered in a relate able and humorous way, challenging me to do better, in this book. Luvvie spoke about hygiene, being late, bad relationships and race relations in a way that I never felt preachy, even though I was learning. Racism, feminism and sexual assault are hard topics to address, because of the many ways they intersect. Luvvie's use of a interpersonal interaction to get your attention on a topic, followed by speaking to institutional and systematic reasons why it happens was great. The made up words she used to give adjectives some extra ummph  was a unique quirk that read conversationally.

"The real scaffolding of racism are institutions that are so fully entwined with prejudice that to change them would require over-hauling entire systems, entire ways of life."

I was not familiar with Luvvie's blog, but did feel some of the chapters about social media would fit better on that platform.The author forces us to look at some hard truths and ways that we all participate in a culture that impacts some in harmful and oppressive ways. While reading this book I was made aware of the author  recently taking issue with social activists, asking for compensation at speaking events. Unfortunately this led me to judge Luvvie for her unwillingness to see why social activism, is exhausting and valuable. This article summarizes why it's hard to know when intellectuals are more interested in promoting themselves then the issues they write about.

"If the people who support you are being hurt every single day, and you turn your back because the pain has nothing to do with you, then you are taking their presence for granted."

While reading I laughed and agreed with many valid points about how to live a more fulfilled and honest life.  However some of the topics covered in these essays missed the mark for me, possibly because I wasn't more familiar with her writing. This book is in development with Shonda Rhimes to become a Comedy Series, so I will be on the lookout for that.  I would recommend this to readers who enjoy honest and funny social commentary that most people will be able identify with.

[destiny ♡ howling libraries · Rating 2 out of 5]

I really wanted to love this just because I heard so many good things about it, so I set aside the fact that, from following her online, I already knew Luvvie's sense of humor just didn't jive with me. I waited forever for the library to get a copy in for me, and almost just ordered the damn thing, holding back only because I never reread nonfiction and thus rarely am willing to buy copies for my home library.

I digress.

I really, really can't get into Luvvie's writing style. The made up words and their respective footnotes were downright stupid (summagoat? Really?). Most of her comedic timing just... wasn't there. I hoped she'd have something new to teach me, but it was all the same shit I've already discussed to death, and that isn't a bad thing by any means, but I wasn't in the mood for the whole "preaching to the choir" ordeal. Frankly, I'm not sure what Luvvie's goal was in the end, with basically going on tangents that offered up opinions most of her fans already agree with.

I'm also, frankly, tired of "do better" authors not DOING BETTER. When you rant that women aren't treated fairly, but then go on to belittle women in shitty relationships that you self-admittedly know nothing about and diminish abusive relationships to "he must have a good dick", I can't let that slide. I also can't see letting anyone get away with spending half a chapter ranting about fat shaming only to turn around and spend the other half of the chapter complaining about your own "idealized body type" and how hard being slender is. I'm not saying that there aren't harmful things said to skinny women, but when you claim to acknowledge your privilege and then keep on and fucking on about how hard your life is, you sound like a damn fool.

Sorry for the rant; I just had a lot of feelings about this one. Sigh.

[Jessica Woodbury · Rating 3 out of 5]

We still don't quite have the definitive book on manners for the digital age, but Luvvie is moving us an awful lot closer to it. While her book is useful for anyone, it's best for people who spend a lot of time online. It's an unusual mix of topics for an advice book, but hey, why not discuss proper hygiene and how not to be a racist in this day and age?

The audiobook is a good way to go. Luvvie is a fun and friendly reader.

[Kira · Rating 1 out of 5]

There are 2 things I should mention up front:
1. I won this ARC from a giveaway in order for me to give a fair and honest review
2. I have never read Luvvie Ajayi's blog. I didn't even know who she was until Goodreads recommended her book since I liked Furiously Happy and this book sounded funny and interesting so I decided to read it.

First off I feel like this was marketed as being witty and amusing, but it's not. All of the topics she writes about are topics that have been thoroughly covered all over the Web. None of her insights are original. I didn't find any of the book amusing. I just got bored. Some of the parts were longer than they needed to be. For example, she talks about bad types of friends. Each one could have been described in about a paragraph, but some of them went on for a page or more. This happens because she repeats herself. She'll say something, seemingly move on and then go back and just rephrase what she had already said.

It also really bothers me that she makes up her own words. They are nonsense words that seem to usually be mash ups of multiple words. Her words don't need to exist. They aren't funny or clever.

The stuff in the media section seems to all be taken from viral lists like "20 people who shouldn't be allowed on Facebook". There's no new insights.

The final section is about race. This section is hard to figure out what I want to say about it. This section talks about the racism that still exists within the system and whites are complicit in it. The problem I had with this section isn't what she said, it was the way it was written. I didn't like her writing style so that didn't help. I think it's partly the tonal shift that happens that throws me. Yes this is a book about judging people but the rest of the book is supposed to be funny and lighthearted and then all of a sudden it shifts to such a serious subject and only spends a few pages on it. It just barely scratches the surface of the topic. Another issue with this section was that it was the same thing that has been said so many times before by other people who did more in depth writings. Which wouldn't necessarily be a bad thing if she had expanded on some of it and hadn't crammed it all into one chapter.

Maybe I went into this with too high of expectations but I was just so disappointed in this book. Even though this book is short I had a hard time getting through it.
I'm guessing that if you are a fan of her blog you'll enjoy this book, but if like me this would be your first introduction to her and her writing I wouldn't recommend it until you've gone to her blog and checked it out first.

[Steven Walle · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a great book. It is writtenAmericans act. She gives us whatfore on many different aspects of life in a delightful and funny manner.
Enjoy and Be Blessed.
Diamond

[MrsJoseph *grouchy* · Rating 4 out of 5]

For all my friends thinking of attempting this book:

-You should go check out the blog first. You may not jive with her humor and/or her topics.
- There are a lot of Pop Culture terms that WILL be used. Also slang. EX: BAE (which equals something like "baby" but is in fact an abbreviation.
EX: THOT/Thot = That Hoe Over There
- This book will probably skew younger than 35 and above. If you are over 30, please go check out the blog before reading.

UPDATE: Shonda Rhimes (of Scandal/Grey's Anatomy Fame) has optioned this book to be made into a show!
______
The Review

http://bookslifewine.com/r-im-judging...

3.5 stars rounded up to 4 Stars
______

Here is where I dole out shade, side-eye, and basic-but-necessary advice for the needy – the logic-deficient who consistently come up short in this new world order of 140-character opinions, Facebook beefs, Instagram groupies, and pop culture idolization, i.e., The waste land, where common sense has tragically become the rarest flower in the thought garden. I'm judging you changes the game and snatches wigs one page at a time. It is a guide to getting some act-right online and in real life. All the shade that resides in my spirit, all the side-eye I've dispensed across my vast network, has led me here.
-P2




I've been following Luvvie Ajayi's blog (AwesomelyLuvvie) for some years now. I find her to be incredibly hilarious and I love her immense shadiness. I watched once (online) as she was arguing with a reporter over his reporting of the Nigerian presidential election. When the reporter claimed she started it by "being shady" to him, she told him "I haven't begun to get shady. You still have lights on at your house, right? Believe me, you'll KNOW when I get shady." I was DONE. Howling with laughter. He shut the hell up, too. There is nothing I love more than to get Luvvie's latest blog post so I can cackle over the foolishness. I swear, she has helped me to grow and learn to embrace the shady, crotchety old woman living inside me. ;-D

So I was really excited about I'm Judging You: The Do-Better Manual. I was expecting the AwesomelyLuvvie blog but on steroids.

This I did not get.

I'm Judging You felt...disjointed. It's a series of essays that are difficult be read back to back (due to subject change) which leaves little to no flow to the work. I found myself reading this very slowly - I needed to take a break between most chapters. Luvvie excels in short non-fiction and she stayed with what she knows. I'm Judging You is truly a collection of essays - very loosely connected essays. As someone who reads mostly long-form fiction in novel format, the essay-nature of I'm Judging You was a challenge.

I'm Judging You started off rather strong. Reminding me of Luvvie's more typical blog posts, I chuckled a lot and forced hubby to listen to me read aloud. Sadly, the strong beginning gave way to a very serious and not funny middle section. This un-funny middle section revolved around all the shit we have deal with but wish we didn't: racism, sexism and homophobia. And don't get me wrong - there are some profound comments and Luvvie often hits nails on heads... but when you're looking for funny, you're looking for funny.

Luvvie tackles head on a lot of the things that we avoid discussing in polite society. While I love a lot of the statements she made, I often felt that the people who need to read said statements will never pick this book up. So I'm Judging You is NOT for people who already agree with/know Luvvie to some extent - unless they are looking for gifts. Of course, what makes I'm Judging You into a little gem is that all of this social resistance/activism commentary is wrapped up in a single book. There is a little of everything here:

Privilege and White Privileges:

Our privileges are the things not with in our own control that push us forward and move us ahead from that starting line. Acknowledging them does not mean you are admitting to doing something to purposefully contribute to someone else's oppression or marginalization. Nay, friends. It means that you recognize that some part of your identity puts you in a better position than others. It means something about you assists your progress in the race of life. It also means that whatever majority group you belong to has likely contributed to the oppression of another. Knowing our privilege does not make us villains, but it should make us more conscious about the parts we play in systems that are greater than us. It should make us be more thoughtful; it should humble us. We need to admit that some of us had a head start and aren't just flourishing on our strength alone.

Again, YOU might not personally be responsible for the oppression of others, but you were amongst a group that is benefiting from said oppression. On the list of privileges, whiteness is arguably the biggest one. This is not an accusation a fact that people need to recognize and acknowledge. If you are white in the United States, you carry a giant stamp of approval that has already made your life easier compared to others'. White people are in positions of power in every societal structure, and get to see them self reflect and everywhere. White privilege is not having to worry about speaking for your entire ethnicity because your behavior is perceived as yours alone, not representative of everyone who looks like you. It's characters in cartoons and video games that look like your kid, or at least only a few shades away from them. Tights and undergarments that are labeled as "nude" consider your skin the default, so it matches you, and you only, white people. Privileges never even having to notice when you are reflected in movies on board rooms, because you were always reflected.

The most glaring aspect of white privilege is that when someone is described neutrally – without indicating color or ethnicity – more often than not, people will assume that person is white. THAT assumption indicates an uncomfortable truth: in our society, whiteness determines humanity.
-P86-87

Sexism & Rape Culture:

It is an unfortunate right of passage for girls to be walking down the street and have a guy you've never met yelled something at you. He wants to get your attention, and he will do it by jeering up to you. Sometimes he's in a car at a red light. Sometimes he's at his job, which you have to walk by to get to where you're going. Other times, he's just loitering, and you happen to walk by him. Far too many of us have also experienced the negative response that can come from a guy who feels ignored or rejected when we do not seem all that flattered by his remarks: "Well, fuck you too, then!" All because we did not give him the attention he felt entitled to.

There are so many people who cannot seem to fathom how we can be so "sensitive" about something like being told we're beautiful or sexy by a random dude. When women are walking down the street in the morning/afternoon/night/ever, minding our own business, one thing we are not asking for is folk's opinion on our appearance - yes, even if you think we look amazing. People will say we should be flattered that someone found us so attractive that they were moved to yell about it. Being street – harassed is not a blue ribbon, nor does it prove you have the looks of Miss America. There is no rhyme or reason to it, and it is not special. I've walked out of my house looking like "whodunnit and why" and men will still catcall. It's like some of them feel that if they don't holler at someone for a say, their "talk to a girl" muscle atrophy and become a gummy worm.
-P107

Rape culture has taught people that women do not have inherent value as human beings who deserves dignity. We must earn it through being "ladylike." And when we do not fit into the scope of that conveniently vague and subjective category, the things that are done to us in our bodies are just part of what we've asked for it. So a sex worker is considered at the bottom rung of the latter and whatever violation she experiences is part of what she brought on herself. That's foul.
-P115

Religion (being used as a weapon):

Alls I know is that you can't represent hate, misogyny, discrimination, and lack of common sense while saying you're acting on behalf of Christ or any other celestial being. Get some decorum about your lifespace. Saints and Aints, let us live life well and good, but please leave Brown Baby Jesus out of your shenanigans. AMEN? Amen.
-P152

The middle section eventually stops torturing us and we get to the final collections of essays. By this time, I'm not laughing and I'm not really having fun - for a humorist, Luvvie got really un-funny and then stayed mostly in seriousland.

I applauded the commentary on social media and behavior. As a person who has grown with the internet but clearly remembers a time before all things digital, I often wonder what malfunction pushes people to share every little detail of their life online. It frustrates me to no end when people I love are stressed the hell out over some shit that happened on Snap Chat. Or Twitter. Or Facebook (all sites I avoid). When my friends call me with their internet drama - and this isn't just "I was arguing with an internet idiot" but rather "my BF is upset I liked this guy's pic on Instagram and we're arguing" or "This chick posted this comment about my man so I posted THIS comment...." - I get upset. I always implore them to remove the media from their social lives. So I was 1000000% here with Luvvie when she discussed keeping the important things about your life private.

I like to keep my personal life sacred and away from the eyes and ears of prying people. I have never had my relationship status on Facebook, and I've been there for more than ten years. I have never uploaded couples albums, and I certainly have never argue with my beloved there. Why? Because that is hallowed ground for me. My relationship isn't for public consumption, and my heart would not know how to heal properly from hurt in a public way.
-P170-171

You're probably like, "Luvvie, are you saying we should never talk about our relationships on social media?" No, I am not. I'm just saying that when people are invited onto your love train because you've shared every detail, then you're making it community property. For every broadcasted gesture of love, I hope there are two gestures we don't see because they're yours and yours alone.

But do what you want and keep sharing every detail of your relationship on Facebook, and I'll keep my floss handy, because popcorn gets in my teeth and I like to stay prepared.
-P171

By the time I got to the end, I was just ready for the book to be over. I'm Judging You had a lot of the hallmarks of Luvvie but it...is missing something. It's missing the "essence" of Luvvie that we often get in the blog.

[da AL · Rating 5 out of 5]

who knew being judged could be so clever & fun?

[Helen Power · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a fabulous book! I haven’t been this captivated by an audiobook in a long time. Luvvie is equally hilarious and insightful as she talks about her thoughts on everything – from what makes a good friend to rape culture in America. I listened to the audiobook, which Luvvie read herself, and I must say that she brings a unique flavour to topics she discusses, and I’m glad that she didn’t have some monotonous narrator read her words.

Luvvie Ajayi’s book is aptly titled “I’m Judging You”. She demands that we all do better in a world where things are quickly going downhill. Although the book was published in 2016, there is a powerful postscript in which she addresses the fact that Donald Trump won the presidency. I don’t want to spoil exactly what she said about the “Fanta Fascist”, but it was forceful and moving, all the while still maintaining her side-splittingly hilarious tone.

Now that I’m done gushing, I give it… 5 stars.

[Mahoghani 23 · Rating 3 out of 5]

Funny but real. Sarcastic but on point. Opinionated and judgmental. This book covers all spectrums in our lives that we either overlook or refuse to say anything about. Luvvie decided it was time to bring us back into focus regarding our little worlds we live in and things we accept as the norm. It's pulsating with confrontational subjects and her thoughts about them. You don't have to agree but you must admit she makes some very valid points.

You start out in humor and midway through the book, it's no laughing matter. There are a few things in the book that I disagree with but I'm not going to spoil it for others. As she states in her book that these are her opinions. This nonfiction piece of literature will require you to open your minds and evaluate some of your perspectives.

[Akilah · Rating 2 out of 5]

So, here's the deal. I really liked the first part of this book wherein Ajayi talks about her friends and her self (bc she's late for everything). I laughed out loud at the story of Carlos the bicycle-riding deadbeat. I also loved the essay about her experiences with people mispronouncing her name--so much so that she goes by a nickname.

While I enjoyed the Carlos story, I have a real problem with anyone shaming women who stay in bad relationships by saying the women should be too embarrassed/horrified to talk about it. SO PROBLEMATIC.

On top of that, I found the rest of the book boring and preachy (SO PREACHY). And I sincerely almost turned the audiobook off for good when she spent a significant portion of a chapter ranting about Comic Sans font. I mean, seriously. Who cares? Who hasn't heard that exact same rant before?

Her sections on race, feminism, and LGBTQ were all very 101, which made me wonder who her audience for the book was. Her rants about social media were all about what "we" could do better, and I had no idea who "we" is. I mean, it's certainly not me or most of the people I follow/know.

ALSO, she referenced several TV shows--specifically reality TV shows--without naming them. So unless I knew exactly which show had the table flip moment or which famous person's family had the TV show. And, again, that section about how watching reality TV was destroying America has already been said a million times before in a million different ways.

I would have liked this book much more if she had stuck to actual personal essays or relating the reality shows, etc. to her own life or her experiences watching them. Because aside from the very first section (and the section on her name), there wasn't anything in this book I hadn't heard/read before in plenty of other think pieces.

Read Harder 2016: Read a collection of essays.

[Joy · Rating 3 out of 5]

I had never heard of Luvvie, to be honest, but my husband was reading her book and he thought I might like it. Its an interesting book and I did enjoy it. She has a lot of interesting topics here and a funny take on things.

[B. · Rating 5 out of 5]

Have you ever read a book and wondered if it was possible to edit it down enough to put on some thick cardboard with colorful illustrations because small children should read it before they are allowed access to the internet or even other people? Me neither, until I read Luvvie Ajayi's "I'm Judging You."

Luvvie's course of social critiques with a side order of wit had me saying "good to know" and "Amen!" throughout. It's unfortunate that our society needs a book like this, but thankfully it was written to fill people with some sense and better judgment.

[Clumsy Storyteller · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book felt like a scattered notes patched together in a weird way. The jokes were funny and clever but the transition from one topic to another wasn't smooth. one minute she's talking about taking selfies in funeral and sharing them on Instagram; the next she's talking about anal bleaching (Apparently it's a THING) and body types. It was honestly a roller coaster.

[Suellen · Rating 1 out of 5]

I don't like hate speech disguised as humor. Had to bail on this one.

[Holly · Rating 3 out of 5]

I love Luvvie Ajayi's writing on her blog, on facebook, and on twitter. She's hilarious, she's on-point, and she's insightful. I listened to the audiobook for this one, which she narrates, and I definitely think that's the best format for this book because it captures her 'voice' (figuratively and literally) the best. But I think this book strays too much from a key element that makes her such a success on social media platforms - discussing topics of the moment, like the news or celebrities or what's on tv. Her transition from writing short pieces about current events into a full length book about general life topics must have been a little more difficult to write and out of her comfort zone and it kind of shows. Don't get me wrong, I LIKED THIS BOOK. But I didn't love it the way I love her other stuff online. While I pretty much agree with all her 'judgments' that she outlines in this book, most of it was stuff I have talked about with my friends/family already in passing conversations or it just seemed like common sense things that everyone would be judg-y about and so most of it wasn't particularly new or insightful to me. Also, it got a little verbose at times like she was trying to fill up the pages to make this a full length book instead of just a short collection of blog posts. This was good, but not particularly great and it pains me a little to say that because I really like her online stuff, but of course that is much harder for her to monetize than a book, and I think she deserves financial success because she's truly a great writer with a unique voice.

[Aqsa]

Just watched this: https://youtu.be/QijH4UAqGD8

Excited to read this!

[Valerie · Rating 2 out of 5]

The author, Luvvie Ajayi, has provided several laughs for me via her Twitter and blog. As such, I added this to my "want to read" list pretty quickly after hearing about it. Despite my initial excitement, expectations for the book dwindled with time as I heard from others who had read it. The main reason I decided to pick the book up again was because of the Shonda Rhimes series that's coming.

I was told prior to reading the book that it didn't feel like it offered anything new to their understanding of the world. I can relate to that sentiment as, for me, it felt like common sense tenants with humorous lines thrown between them. Perhaps it's because I've spent the last couple of years focused on writers who can be seen as "subject matter experts" in places I lack. This is the theme that colors most of my non-fiction reading. So this manual of sorts felt less like a new perspective than affirmation of many of the things I believe (and only slightly supported defenses of things I don't). I left this book feeling similarly to the way I did after reading Bad Feminist. It was informative, but with a target audience that didn't include me in mind. I don't think it's bad, but I wouldn't recommend it for anyone over the age of 20, and even that might be generous.

I'm still curious to see where the impending show goes and what the perspectives of Luvvie and Shonda together will bring to the table. However, I'll be sending my copy of the book to my little sister to see if perhaps she can get more out of it than I did..

[Ijeoma · Rating 3 out of 5]

What piqued my interest about this book is so many people to include celebrities were posting pictures of themselves posing with it on Instagram. Naturally, when I see such hype, my curiosity is aroused.

Luvvie Ajayi has written a book that covers some of the many social issues we have faced, are currently confronting or even reading about. No topic is off limits here. She addresses the issue of reality tv and the consumers' indulgence in it; she addresses the issue of race and why other races may not fully understand the struggles of the minorities until they either befriend the minority or voluntarily opt to walk in their shoes; she even addresses the issue of sexual harassment and the mistreatment of women.

Ajayi presents these issues in a way that does not overtly offend, but alerts readers to the fact the issues exists and that we should not pretend they do not. Each topic is addressed in length. I mean, seriously, the topics were pretty lengthy and repetitive and this should not be the case.

Ajayi's book reminded me of Phoebe Robinson's You Can't Touch My Hair. These books select problems that bother the writer in some way and in turn, they opt to write a book to sound off. What I would have liked to see is Ajayi discuss what she has done to address the issues she presented in her book as opposed to ranting about them.

I gave this book 3 stars, but it was more of 3.5 stars. Ajayi used slang that often times, I did not understand and they were inserted at certain points where she was trying to make a point and by the insertion of the slang, it made her appeal lose steam.

Would I recommend the book? Only if you have not read books of similar caliber. Otherwise, the premise is pretty much the same for them all.

[Kari · Rating 3 out of 5]

Have to say I'm disappointed. I'm a big fan of Luvvie on social media, and I've gained a lot of insight from reading her posts the last few years. (LOL at one of the reviews that said the book is for people under 35. I'm 40.)

My favorite parts of the book were where she gave us snippets of her own autobiography. For example, why she doesn't use her given name. I understand she likes to keep her private life private, but many of the other topics in the book have been covered so often, they felt a little tired, such as the list of the types of oversharers online.

I appreciate that she wrote all new material for the book, rather than recycle blog posts, but I found myself losing interest and skimming a lot of the chapters.

[Kassandra Morris · Rating 1 out of 5]

I thought I could but I can't! This book is such foolishness, with made up vocabulary and not-so-funny commentary. I tried to get into it but I felt like I lowered my IQ. Phases such as "when baehood goes bad" or words like "Uglass" to refer to Ugly ass just does not sit well with me. I only got to page 29 and said to myself "you know what? I will not waste any more of my life on this book. I think a lot of reviews were positive because she's an up and coming Nigerian blogger. They wanted to promoter this book because yes, collectively we should be uplifting but we should also be truthful. Maybe, I went into this with greater expectations than necessary. If your looking for a book in which you actually want to gain valuable information then this is not the book for you!

[Dov Zeller · Rating 3 out of 5]

Got this from the library after seeing folks give it a rave review on GR. I appreciate the conversational tone and the topics discussed, but not much felt new or super engaging in terms of content or approach to content.

Glad to know about Ajayi, and that GR keeps me exploring new voices (as well as older classics. I recently read a rave review of Catch-22, which I still haven't read. 2017 just might be the year for soul-crushing satire.) I love the concept of the book--a "do better" manual offering tools to frame, name and approach social stresses and serious issues.

[Kenya | Reviews May Vary · Rating 4 out of 5]

Read as an audiobook, which probably helped a bit. Ajayi reads the book herself, making it more conversational. Social topics were interesting and varied and I laughed a few times at her turns of phase and word smithery. Of course, it’s generally easy to listen to someone’s opinions when you largely agree. So, #reviewsMayVary.

Read Harder 2018: Essays, or one sitting book

[chantel nouseforaname · Rating 5 out of 5]

Yo! This book is my personality/style-of-humour in a nutshell. I loved it from beginning to end. Hilarious! Luvvie is just the heat! She’s fire. Five flames all-around. The most I’ve laughed all year reading a book! So many reads on so many musty situations, too little time. It was a bit long but I also felt like she could have easily went another 100 pages. I really, really enjoyed it!