The Code of Trust: An American Counterintelligence Expert’s Five Rules to Lead and Succeed

by Robin Dreeke, Cameron Stauth, Joe Navarro (Forward)

Robin Dreeke is a 28-year veteran of federal service, including the United States Naval Academy, United States Marine Corps. He served most recently as a senior agent in the FBI, with 20 years of experience. He was, until recently, the head of the Counterintelligence Behavioral Analysis Program, where his primary mission was to thwart the efforts of foreign spies, and to recruit American spies. His core approach in this mission was to inspire reasonable, well-founded trust among people who could provide valuable information.

The Code of Trust is based on the system Dreeke devised, tested, and implemented during years of field work at the highest levels of national security. Applying his system first to himself, he rose up through federal law enforcement, and then taught his system to law enforcement and military officials throughout the country, and later to private sector clients. The Code of Trust has since elevated executives to leadership, and changed the culture of entire companies, making them happier and more productive, as morale soared.

Inspiring trust is not a trick, nor is it an arcane art. It's an important, character-building endeavor that requires only a sincere desire to be helpful and sensitive, and the ambition to be more successful at work and at home. The Code of Trust is based on 5 simple principles:

1) Suspend Your Ego
2) Be Nonjudgmental
3) Honor Reason
4) Validate Others
5) Be Generous

To be successful with this system, a listener needs only the willingness to spend eight to ten hours learning a method of trust-building that took Robin Dreeke almost a lifetime to create.

Genres: Business, Nonfiction, Leadership, Psychology, Self Help, Audiobook, Philosophy

384 pages, Kindle Edition

Published August 8, 2017

About the author

FROM RECRUITING SPIES FOR THE FBI TO RECRUITING ALLIES IN BUSINESS:
Robin Dreeke is an accomplished Executive Coach, Best-Selling Author, and Professional Speaker with an impressive background. As a Marine Corps Officer and retired FBI Special Agent, he served as Chief of the Counterintelligence Behavioral Analysis Program where he honed his skills in Recruiting Spies and Behavioral Assessment. Today, Robin has translated his expertise into his unique Interpersonal Communication Strategies that focus on Recruiting Allies in business. Since 2010, he has been working with Executives, Corporations, Entrepreneurs, Military, and Law Enforcement to help them Forge Trust, Solve Challenges, and Lead. Robin's People Formula has helped countless individuals and teams achieve quick, measurable results and maximum success. Whether you're a newly promoted leader, executive, sales team member, or customer relations specialist, Robin's proven strategies will help you excel.

Reviews

[K.G. · Rating 4 out of 5]

Worth the read. I give the book a 3.8 out of 5.

It was fascinating reading about Robin Dreeke's personal and professional growth as a leader and how he came to the development or realization of his method. It's written in a conversational tone that invites the reader in. Robin's five basic principles are surprisingly humanistic, optimistic, warm, and will work to inspire others if put into action. The book aims to show you, the leader, the importance of and how to focus on, being worthy of trust and proving that they are worth of it.

The philosophy and techniques he suggests are long known coaching/counselling principles. He even delves into the chemistry of trust. This book has a lot of excellent common sense insights that most leaders don't heed because of ego and personal ambitions. His point to "inspire trust, put others first" is spot on but rarely used by leaders.

There are strong elements of wisdom from Eastern philosophy (Zen and Taoism) contained within this model. The author speaks to touches on these paradoxical and useful elements of leadership and teaches you how to inspire, not force or control.

A couple of stories in the book stayed with me. Dreeke's encounter with a bike messenger was interesting and demonstrated how he used his model in a heated moment to maintain perspective and deescalate it. I also really enjoyed the story of how James Comey acknowledged him for a job well done and the respect he had for his leader's character and ability to inspire him and others in the agency.

The one area I disagreed with Robin on was that leadership is about doing, not being. I believe being informs doing and doing informs being. In addition, I feel he could have gone into more about the personal character development of the leader (mindfulness and self-awareness) but he addressed it in a subtle way by having the leader take the attention off of themselves and put it on those they serve and lead. The more we can get leaders to forget about their own personal agenda and have them open their awareness to the experience of others, the better.

Dreeke's stories were interesting but dragged on a bit in places. He could be more concise in his writing. Robin seems to be trying to make a positive difference in the world.

[Alexandra · Rating 4 out of 5]

servant leadership through trust. Relatively easy read but also easy to zone out of.

"If my goal is to help everybody around me achieve their goals without judging them then they're happy to have me leading them and the path to my goal is wide open... If I start to get arrogant or complacent or rebellious, I know I'm headed toward the danger zone. Then it's time to correct my course."

"There's no room for a quick venting to get your emotions out of your system. Keep your emotions in your system, or don't if you'd rather be emotionally relieved than perceived as a leader."

"Does that mean it's foolish to trust unsparingly? no. In all honesty you can with reasonable cause and rational limits trust almost all people almost all the time....someday you will be betrayed...you will be compelled to examine the power and the pain of freely offering trust in a world of imperfect people...When people with a wholehearted commitment to trust are betrayed they almost always find a summon the resilient ever-blooming courage of youth."

"New yorkers have big hearts but they don't hand out trust like penny-candy because the city is too full of manipulators."

"At some point in your life of putting others first you won't even have to try. Your acts will simply embody the real you and everybody who knows you will trust you."

"War is not the place to ruminate, nor is the boardroom, closing time on a sales call, nor in a delicate moment in a deep conversation." (Practice and keep sharp)

to inspire trust put others first.
drills:
1) establish a time constraint
2) use a third party reference
3) speak at the speed of trust
4) bridge the generational context
5) employ the assistance technique (ben franklin effect)
6) empower others (no status, nonjudgmental)
7) don't (agree to) disagree
8) Don't argue context (no criticism)
9) Manage your expectations, goals are moving targets
10) craft an encounter, optimize
11) speak according to a the code of communication (suspend ego, nonjudgmental, validate others, honor reason, be generous)
12) tag the power of apology (no buts)
13) remove the poison from a poisonous person - don't vilify them
14) reprimand without rancor (solve problems not people)
15) build your tribe of trust

[Lucas · Rating 5 out of 5]

5 principles, 4 actions, 1 great book. I really enjoyed the audio version.

-5 principles - 1. suspend ego, 2. be non-judgemental, 3. validate others, 4. honor reason, 5. be generous. In a sentence - put others first

-4 actions to build trust - 1. align your mission with others (*requires defining a mission/purpose), 2. use context to relate (never argue context), 3. craft your encounter (make 1st impression count, plan 'first shot' message/pitch), 4. connect

[صفية الشحي · Rating 5 out of 5]

A true life changing book

[Stephen · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book bored the hell out of me. The narrative was all over the place, as if the author cannot make up his mind what to write about first or he has gaps in his memory as a counterintelligence expert. The materials should have been better organised.

[Erica · Rating 4 out of 5]

I would give this book a 4 out of 5. The principles and methodologies he’s suggesting in the book are very systematic and inspiring, and the theories supported by psychology and chemistry knowledge are impressive. While reading the book, I have a lot of self reflection about how I communicate and interact with people around me. However, I’m not sure if this is what I would like to strictly follow in all aspects of my life to apply so many ”techniques” especially when I’m with the most intimate families and friends.

[Lexi T. Walker · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fantastic book! I will be purchasing a copy. Being a Christian I disagree with the evolutionary references, but the points he was illustrating with them are good points.

[William cannoy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good compass for leaders. Especially young leaders and how to navigate the arrogance that often follows a promotion. Good story telling and very interesting peak at government work from his lens.

[Justin · Rating 3 out of 5]

Overall I enjoyed the content in the book. Some parts were really repetitive, I guess to drive the points home, but at times I felt like, “Didn’t I just read that in the last chapter?” I’m not sure whether this book spent a lot of time at the editor or not but there were so many misspellings and the wrong words being used in sentences, as well as punctuation mistakes, that it actually was distracting which is unfortunate.

[Vovka · Rating 2 out of 5]

Well intentioned. A decent read. But a little lightweight in terms of how deeply trust is understood and explained. Got into the neuroscience a little, but didn’t seem to be aware of other research on trust.

For a better book on how to build trust: The Trusted Advisor, Humble Inquiry, or Nonviolent Communications.

[Javier Carrasco · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book for anyone interested in leadership, mental toughness, or how to create "single point focus" in your life.

[Yoric · Rating 4 out of 5]

We may not realize how trust is important in our everyday life.
There would be no life without trust, it's as simple as that.

At first, we may think we are not concerned.
but if you relate with this, you're concerned:

"how to assess others, and determine their needs, wants, desires, intentions, and fears. Once you understand that and establish trust, all else follows.
People want to be appreciated, cared for, loved, trusted, and respected. But they also want to be understood, and if you master the skills to achieve that, you truly become exceptional. You become one of those people we often read about—someone who is well respected, well liked and sought after. That is the power of trust.
this book is for anyone interested in understanding themselves, and more important, understanding others."

From the start this book seems not only interesting, and not only do we feel concerned, but it also shows to be profound. I love this:

"To inspire trust, put others first."
"Success comes far faster when you inspire others to merge their goals with yours and forge ahead with you, in unison."

This book sounds solid like good old classics. What I like is it favors the good and sincere traits that last a lifetime over the "short-sighted attractive burst" manipulation that will put you down sooner or later.

I love even the style of the author, how engaging it is, how respectful to the reader, how conscious about the time we spend reading it.

"I’ll be brief. Your time is valuable, I’m grateful for it, and I promise to finish as quickly as possible. This book is about you, not me."

So many golds in there:

"You don’t need to impress people—I later learned—if you put their needs ahead of your own. They’ll naturally trust you—and like you, too—because when trust comes first, people will feel good, and light up every time you walk through the door."

"Getting people to like you is not how you make them feel about you, it’s how you make them feel about themselves."

So far, the most valuable piece of this book to me is this one:

"Determine your own ultimate goal: the prize that justifies your sacrifices. Choose it carefully, and follow it faithfully. Don’t get distracted by lesser goals, no matter how pivotal they may appear at the time. Second: Learn the goals of others, and find valid, honest reasons to respect those goals. Third: Seek ways to align your goals with theirs. As you begin this process, look for ways to make their goals part of your goal, and your goal part of theirs. If you’re successful, you’ll achieve the power that only combined forces can attain."

[kathyrn · Rating 4 out of 5]

from netgalley synopsis

Robin Dreeke is a 28-year veteran of federal service, including the United States Naval Academy, United States Marine Corps. He served most recently as a senior agent in the FBI, with 20 years of experience. He was, until recently, the head of the Counterintelligence Behavioral Analysis Program, where his primary mission was to thwart the efforts of foreign spies, and to recruit American spies. His core approach in this mission was to inspire reasonable, well-founded trust among people who could provide valuable information.

The Code of Trust is based on the system Dreeke devised, tested, and implemented during years of field work at the highest levels of national security. Applying his system first to himself, he rose up through federal law enforcement, and then taught his system to law enforcement and military officials throughout the country, and later to private sector clients. The Code of Trust has since elevated executives to leadership, and changed the culture of entire companies, making them happier and more productive, as morale soared.

To be successful with this system, a reader needs only the willingness to spend eight to ten hours learning a method of trust-building that took Robin Dreeke almost a lifetime to create.

"A great insight for anyone with an interest in social psychology and how it impacts interpersonal relationships." ―Phil Houston, CEO QVerity, 26 year veteran of CIA and co-author of the New York Times bestsellers Spy The Lie and Get The Truth

"To paraphrase Charles Dickens, it is the best of times, the worst of times, the age of wisdom, the age of foolishness, the spring of hope, the winter of despair. The Code of Trust is an antidote to the cynicism and fear of today. Robin Dreeke, my friend and colleague from the FBI, will take you on a delightful journey -- his journey--to more effective leadership at a time when we ache for such genuine skills in others." ―Reid Meloy Ph.D., forensic psychologist, author, and consultant to The FBI

"The foundation of leadership is trust. Robin shares his experiences as a United States Marine Corps officer and as a FBI behavioral analyst that allowed him to crack the code to build trusting relationships. This book is a must read for leaders and those who aspire to lead." ―Jack Schafer, author of The Like Switch

Thank you to netgalley and St. Martin's Press for the ARC.

[Mary Lou · Rating 3 out of 5]

Reviewed by M.L. Codman-Wilson, PhD in Psychological Anthropology, Pastoral Psychology, Christian Education and Buddhism.

Learning life lessons from those in the counter-intelligence community – whether they are Navy Seals, or top military commanders or FBI agents – is always thought-provoking. Robin Dreeke’s book The Code of Trust falls in that category. His subtitle is An American Counterintelligence Expert’s Five Rules to Lead and Succeed.
The book explains those five rules in his Code of Trust and Four Action Steps for Inspiring Trust” (Robin Dreeke, The Code of Trust, St. Martin’s Press, 2017, pp. 30-31). The title and subtitle indicate his penchant for numbers and detailed analysis of how to make each of his principles work in real life encounters. As he explains in the opening chapter “Inspiring trust is truly an interpersonal art form. But even in its complexity, it is – as you’ll see – the kind of art that can be achieved through the paint-by-the-numbers techniques that comprise my system” (p.8). A paint-by-the-numbers approach is too task-oriented a focus for the empathetic sensitivity needed for his principles.

The Code of Trust is a book interlaced with Robin’s egocentric stories and claims about the superiority of his principles. And that is its main hindrance. Robin states unequivocally that the first principle of gaining trust is to be all about the other. It is to suspend one’s own ego and not make conversations or encounters all about oneself. Yet, ironically, on almost any given page in the 328-page book, the pronoun “I” is dominant. On one page alone there were almost 20 of these pronouns (p.57). For a book claiming to show you how to suspend your own ego and invest in the goals and life story of another to gain their trust, Robin is too omnipresent. I appreciate his vast reservoir of experience. I did not appreciate meeting him and why HE had the best code and why connecting with Robin “will serve your life” (p.201). As he claims, “The Code of Trust: a set of five rules of engagement that must be (underline by the reviewer) embraced by all who wish to inspire legitimate, lasting trust (p.70). Robin’s understanding of trust and communication certainly has some merit, but implementing his system is not the only possible option for everyone who wants to develop trusting relationships.

[William Schram · Rating 4 out of 5]

If there is one thing we all know about Trust, it is the fact that it is difficult to obtain and maintain. Any time a book comes out that tells you a new way to earn trust easily, it comes across as some kind of a scheme or scam. That is the way of marketers, Door-to-door Salesmen, and greasy used-car salesmen. No offense to people in those professions, but that is generally how they are perceived by the public.

However, Robin Dreeke, a former counterintelligence operative has cracked the code. He puts together five rules to follow to earn and maintain trust. Using a bit of humor and wit, Dreeke proceeds to tell us all about it. The thing about these rules is that they are simple: they are terse and easy to understand. I could tell you the rules right now, but the real lion’s share of the book is devoted to explaining them and how to apply them in your life. Using touchstones of popular culture also helps in this case. Take the television show Seinfeld; I never really watched it that much since I was born in 1986 and Seinfeld was a bit over my head for a lot of its run. Dreeke uses it to great effect by mentioning the time Jerry was “flipped the bird” in traffic and had two minds of what to do. He could return fire and perhaps anger his assailant, or he could apologize and wave it off. He chose to wave it off and ignore his ego.

As I mentioned, the lion’s share of the book is devoted to anecdotes and advice on how to apply these rules of gaining trust. So it talks about different situations and personalities that one would meet on a job.

This makes the book relatable and interesting. The book is very amusing in how Dreeke presents himself. His voice is very conversational, but still has a slight air of Jedi Master to it. I really enjoyed this book and do recommend it.

[Alex · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you are going to say “yes” say “absolutely, my friend!”

People are more likely to help those they’ve helped before then those who they are returning a favor to

Do:
-Secret to being liked is about how you make others feel about themselves
-Validate others
-“How can I help you?”
-Offer understanding
—Understand when someone does something bad, ex: cops getting criminals to confess
-It’s all about your followers, not you
-Let others do most of the talking
-Touch others
-Ask people for a favor, something easy
-“I really want to talk to you and it would be all about you, not me.”
-Do not blame or confront
-Magic words: sorry, please, and thanks
-Do not use “but”
-Use curiosity
—login to your account to see your special reward
-Email subject line: “Your...” - all about them
—“Only login if you intend to use Uber”

Conversation starter:
-Comment on third party: “Are those things safe?” you say pointing to kayaks
-“I know you’re very busy so...”
-“I appreciate your time so I’ll be brief...”
-“I won’t be long...”
-Ask for a favor:
-“Is there a coffee shop in the neighborhood?”
-“What’s the weather?”
-Move away from topic to something more personal:
-“Skydiving seems like something for people who don’t have any fears, is that true of you?”
-“Excuse me, if you have a second, do you know if there is WiFi in this building and if there is do you need a password?”

[shadowbook.czyta · Rating 4 out of 5]

☘️MOC ZAUFANIA🍀

Kodeks zaufania opiera się na systemie opracowanym, przetestowanym i wdrożonym przez autora podczas wieloletniej pracy przy bezpieczeństwie narodowym. Testował go najpierw na sobie, po czym nauczył swojego systemu organy ścigania i wojskowych w całym kraju, by przejść do klientów z sektora prywatnego. Od tego czasu zmienił kulturę całych firm, czyniąc je bardziej produktywnym i szczęśliwszymi.

My, czytelnicy tej książki, poświęcając około dziesięciu godzin, również możemy się tego nauczyć, dzięki Robinowi, któremu stworzenie tego kodeksu zajęło prawie całe życie. To świetna pozycja dla każdego, kto interesuje się psychologią społeczną i jej wpływem na relacje międzyludzkie.

To antidotum na cynizm i strach dnia dzisiejszego. Autor zabiera nas w cudowną podróż - swoją podróż - ku skuteczniejszemu przywództwu w czasach, gdy tęsknimy za autentycznymi umiejętnościami u innych.

Dreeke zestawia pięć zasad, których należy przestrzegać, aby zdobyć i utrzymać zaufanie. Używając odrobiny humoru i dowcipu, opowiada o zasadach i założeniach które są proste, zwięzłe i łatwe do zrozumienia. To sprawia, że książka jest ciekawa i prawdziwa, a autor ma w sobie nutkę Mistrza Jedi. Polecam ją szczególnie każdemu kto zarządza albo chce zarządzać 🍀

[J. · Rating 3 out of 5]

Robin Dreeke with the help of author Cameron Stauth uses his professional experience working in national security to illustrate five principles for dealing with trust in situations where trust is hard to find. The five principles are suspend your ego, be nonjudgmental, honor reason, validate others, and be generous. Readers will recognize at least one of the six types of people that Dreeke identified as bad people in the work place. He suggests the best way to combat their illusions and fear is to provide a relationship based on self-respect and identify that their problems are not your own problems. There is a user guide in the appendix and glossary.

I received this book through a Goodreads giveaway. Although encouraged, I was under no obligation to write a review. The opinions I have expressed are my own.

[Peter Stuart · Rating 3 out of 5]

Is it breaking the code if I now share the code ? How would you know if you could trust my review ? Being a non American former counterintelligence expert, how could I trust the code of trust that a former, real person in that real role came to define ? Am I to trust that he is real ? That the portrayal of his experiences are real ? That if I could trust on the two former points, that the application of the code would be relevant not within the context if was defined and indeed used ?

Was the code used on the reader of the code ? It was attempted. Did it work ? From all but everything I believe there is at least something I can acknowledge or learn.

You will need to read to see if you can trust or learn from the authors personal definition and positive portrayal of his knowledge and learnings presented in this at times rather engaging work.

[Steve · Rating 3 out of 5]

Through his years in the military and FBI, most recently as the head of the Counterintelligence Behavioral Analysis Program, Dreeke has developed his approach to inspiring trust as a leader. The Code of Trust is: 1) Suspend your ego; 2) be nonjudgmental; 3) Honor Reason; 4) Validate others; and 5) Be Generous. Added to that are the four steps: Align Your Goals; Apply the Power of Context; Craft your Encounters; and Connect, as well as several other guidelines for communication and interaction. This book provides good information for establishing real trust. Full of interesting real life examples gleaned from Dreeke's time as a spy this book was an interesting read. I received a free ARC of this book through Goodreads First Reads giveaways.

[Gary Leddy · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is extremely well researched and dives deep into the human condition. It is a fantastic book for anyone interested in not only leadership, but really understanding and communicating with people. It's also not a one and done kinda read, it's a book that can be constantly used as a reference guide through out life. It's written in a conversational tone, and even though it is quite dense at times, the author does a wonderful job arguing his points and conveying his message. Basically, if you want to learn what makes people tick and understand why they do what they do, this is a must read (and reread). Because at the end of the day, no matter what business you're in, you're actually in the people business.

[Maria · Rating 3 out of 5]

Dreeke spent his career in the Marines and the FBI. He distilled the lessons of leadership that brought him success as the Code of Trust. The 5 rules being 1) Suspend Your Ego, 2) Be Nonjudgmental, 3) Honor Reason, 4) Validate Others, and 5) Be Generous.

Why I started this book: I'm plowing thru books this week, and this one was on my short list. As it was both a short audio and one that I was looking forward to in my to-read pile.

Why I finished it: Fascinating to see how the FBI cultivates relationships to gain access to various information. And it was also fascinating for me, as I was raised in a very religious household to have the lessons to kindness, conversation and consideration being taught, approached and valued in a secular setting.

[Vasco · Rating 4 out of 5]

The bad: the book is quite basic, which is good and bad at the same time. The Code of Trust comes down to having a non-judgmental attitude and helping others instead of helping yourself. The book covers Dreeke's life experience and lessons learned in this area, but at the end of the day, it comes down to this.

The good: Dreeke covers the essentials of the Code of Trust and presents some interesting tools to achieve helping others and being non-judgmental. It's a useful book at the end of the day.

[Jeff · Rating 2 out of 5]

I first heard Mr. Dreeke on the Kevin Rose podcast. I was skeptical of the interview topic going in because it seems highly prone to cliche, but I ended up getting a lot out of it. Similarly, I ended up highlighting a number of passages in the book while reading. That said, the style of the book (the tone, the repetitiveness, etc) dragged on me quite a bit, to the point where I didn't actively enjoy it. I think it's an immensely important topic, and as such I highly recommend folks listen to the author in a more concise format.

[Jason · Rating 4 out of 5]

Dreeke does a great job helping us understand the foundations of trust and giving the reader, or in my case, the listener, a guide for establishing trust. The book improved as it went on and Dreeke's stories and anecdotes highlighted the lessons he was sharing. I also thought he did a wonderful job tying the stories together at the end and giving us practice exercises to use to help us better understand the concepts and challenges. This is a strong book on the subject and is a worthwhile read. Definitely recommend it.

[Mark · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent book. Outlines the tendencies and communication habits we have that get in our way for successful relationships. A good number of practical and actionable tools you can easily use. For those of us on the scale, the stories and explanations demonstrate simple strategies on dealing with our self-sabotaging behaviors.
Have listened to the book twice and podcasts with Robin Dreeke (Art of Charm). A good volume to keep in your library.

[Scott Wozniak · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a combination of great advice and great writing. This is specific and realistic way to connect with just about anyone you want to trust you. Even better, it's not a secret, manipulative method. It's a mature and others-oriented way. So it's an approach to relationships that will make you a better leader and a better person.

As a bonus, the author tells great stories of spy life and has a great sense of humor and humility.

Highly recommend this book.

[Mishel · Rating 5 out of 5]

I listened to this book online. I wish I would have bought a hard copy however for future reference. Basic instructions to developing trust and keeping it a code of ethics that seems to harder & harder to find in our get it fast, quick and easy society. Most admiral quality in a person is trust...without it you have nothing. Great read.

[Hannes · Rating 4 out of 5]

I wish I had read this book when I was young and learned to use this knowledge.
The thorough approach helps to get the point across and practice the Code of Trust as you read.
It gives courage to approach more difficult situations and gives you strategy and calmness to behave better.
I do not remember reading a better book about such subject.

[Neil McGee · Rating 5 out of 5]

Step by step guide to develop trust & rebuild relationships, if you desire more confidence, self assurance & leadership, this book is for you.

Success comes from empowering those around you, not breaking them down to provide a fleeting feeling of superiority. (Last tip is from me & my managment days & many more in this inspiring book)