The Children Money Can Buy: Stories from the Frontlines of Foster Care and Adoption

by Anne Moody

The Children Money Can Buy covers decades of dramatic societal change in foster care and adoption, including the pendulum swings regarding open adoption and attitudes toward birth parents, the gradual acceptance of gay and lesbian adoption, the proliferation of unregulated adoption facilitators in the U.S., ethical concerns related to international adoption, and the role money inevitably plays in the foster care and adoption systems. Special attention is given to the practice of “baby brokering” and the accompanying exorbitant finder’s fees and financial incentives encouraging birth mothers to relinquish (or pretend that they are planning to relinquish) their babies that permeate much of U.S. infant adoption today.

The Children Money Can Buy illuminates the worlds of foster care and adoption through the personal stories Moody witnessed and experienced in her many years working in the foster care and adoption systems. These compelling stories about real people and situations illustrate larger life lessons about the way our society values—and fails to value—parents and children. They explore the root of ethical problems which are not only financially driven but reflect society’s basic belief that some children are more valuable than others. Finally, Moody makes a plea for change and gives suggestions about how the foster care and adoption systems could work together for the benefit of children and families.

Genres: Adoption, Nonfiction, Parenting, Memoir, Fostering, Social Justice, Social Work

267 pages, Kindle Edition

Published January 26, 2018

Reviews

[Sarah Hyatt · Rating 2 out of 5]

I was on board with this book for a while, and appreciated the acknowledgement of the no-less-than-800 gray areas of foster care. I skimmed enough to sincerely appreciate the first few paragraphs in the chapter on open adoption, as they resonated A LOT at that time that I read them.

But reading through got me to a chapter that was super heavy with the adoptive-parents-as-savior narrative, and I noped away. The chapter all but explicitly stated that adoption is a "happily ever after." It felt like the book took this turn extremely suddenly.

There were enough insightful paragraphs scattered throughout to warrant a second star, and a lot of them would make substantial books on their own. The author's thoughts and perspective as she reconciled parenting her first child while working in the foster care system are an interesting train of thought and are worthy of more detail and a book in and of themselves. It's possible this book tries to be too many things -- too many statements on too broad of a topic, and consequently, none of them are developed as fully as they deserve to be, and often rely on harmful and overly simple stereotypes.

The author's disregard for the importance of race and perspective of transracial adoptees is also surprisingly blatant, bordering on "bringing up race is racist!/I don't see color!" territory.

I may pick it up and skim it again after my eyes recover from how much they rolled, but I'm skeptical about how much I'll get out of it now that the book has shifted from occasional musings on the trainwreck of foster care and landed firmly in the Completely and Totally Ethical world of international adoption /s.

[Will Moses · Rating 3 out of 5]

I wanted to read a book and learn something. I feel like i learned something, but don’t think this book changed my mind on much. An interesting concept that I hadn’t thought about before is open adoption, where the birth parents and the adoptive parents stay in contact with one another. There were some good stories in there, but I think the book dragged on too long

[Lara · Rating 3 out of 5]

Highly recommended as a basic introduction to the foster care system (which, to my mild horror, has apparently not changed much at all since Ms. Moody was working in it in the late 70s and early 80s), various adoption processes, and the effects of both foster care and adoption on children of various ages. Do be advised that every state's child welfare/social services system is different, and will have different perspectives on placing children with family members, the length of time before petitioning for termination of parental rights, the process of adopting a child from foster/state care, etc.

Kudos to Ms. Moody for not shying away from the strains and stresses of going through the adoption process (for the parents and the child[ren] alike), and for stating bluntly that adopting a troubled child does not make their troubles go away, that a child who is incredibly helpful and charming and accommodating as a foster child is almost certainly behaving this way because they have internalized the belief that they have to be "grateful" and the absolute Best Child Who Ever Lived in order to earn their chance at a family. And this goes all the way down to 18-month-olds who have intuited that crying gets them yelled at or ignored, but being quiet and passive means they're "good".

[Haley Stocks · Rating 3 out of 5]

I appreciated her perspective as someone who worked with adoption and foster care in various capacities with different regulations, concerns, and vested interests. She provided an excellent overview of how these various methods of adoption (foster-adopt, agency adoption, independent adoption, international adoption, etc.) interact and the ways that they are similar and different from one another. I will say that the book was very opinionated, with most of the arguments being rooted in personal experience or belief rather than various points.

[Mike Davis · Rating 3 out of 5]

I picked up this book to learn a little more about foster care and adoption through stories. The book goes much deeper into adoption than foster care, largely because it follows the career of the author.

The book was broken up into chapters that were built around little lessons and illustrated by one or more stories with that lesson at its core. There are a lot of things to take in during these stories, and it is marvel that there is anyone around who be immersed in such continuous drama.

I have an interest in foster care as part of the fallout of the opioid crisis. Reading about the trials of people in these situations taught me a little about the priorities of people and the system. There is an obvious desire to keep families together, until parental rights need to bee rescinded. Similarly, siblings are often better together.

This mostly strengthened my resolve in the idea that childhood needs to be preserved. Children have the right to grow up with stable and predictable lives. In a sense, one of the best things you can give them is boredom. I hope to learn more about foster care.

[Johannah A Classy Rebel Reader · Rating 5 out of 5]

Every time I read a book, I get excited when I find the sentence the title comes from. It gives it a new nuance then before. I realized the title wasn’t about adoption, but about families who are able to buy their kids everything they need to thrive. In contrast, families with no money are at a disadvantage. Their child will have to work twice as hard and may never achieve the same level as the child who’s parents provided everything. Children with no family at all, have to work even harder.

I’m glad Moody didn’t just write a fluff piece on foster care/adoption, but she talked about the good and bad. She also made sure to give her stories context, like what was happening politically at the time.

I would definitely recommend this book for individuals who work with kids in any capacity. It allows you to approach their family dynamic and behavior with a different lens.

Side note: the edition of this book smells really good!!

[Jessica · Rating 1 out of 5]

I couldn’t finish this book because the author’s attitude toward the families she supposedly served as a child welfare worker was so offensive I couldn’t stand to read any more. I am a foster parent, and if you’re looking for an honest account of foster care, please look elsewhere and not to this woman who talks about the parents she worked with almost like they’re animals. Disgusting and clueless, especially for a white woman working in child welfare in Detroit. I shudder to think about the lack of nuance and understanding she brings to racial dynamics in foster care and adoption, especially as it relates to how she treats her trans racially adopted child.

[Lydia · Rating 2 out of 5]

A memoir of a foster case worker and adoption specialist. It was an interesting perspective but the section where the author baselessly doubts the story of a birth mother getting raped while married and insinuates she must have been covering for an affair was crude and unnecessary. I was also unimpressed with the "international adoption ethics" section which contained blatant criticism for the culture of a country from which birth families were raising objections to the decisions of an adoptive family (Madonna specifically).

[Lizz Trotsyuk · Rating 3 out of 5]

I picked up this book for research on my thesis project on the foster system, but it ended up focusing more on adoption as opposed to foster care. Nevertheless, there was some insightful information to take from this book. However, I’d agree with some other reviews that the book didn’t necessarily give any new, groundbreaking information that isn’t common sense for anyone who knows anything about adoption. It’s definitely a book for beginners in adoption.

Even then, however, I wouldn’t recommend this book for any beginners who are seeking to learn about adoption because of the clear bias the author holds. In fact, some of her perspectives are quite contradictory. For example, when she speaks so highly of surrogacy (but also the ethical implications of it) but her whole book is about reform in foster care and adoption. Why would she simultaneously encourage surrogacy and adoption? Shouldn’t she encourage those seeking parenthood to adopt instead of getting them involved in the blatant ethical implications of surrogacy, IVF, etc.?

Overall, not a terrible read but not a great one either. I wouldn’t recommend it to anyone moving forward. There’s much better books on adoption that would provide more consistent views and more ideas for reform. The only thing I will appreciate about this author is her courage and desire to share stories of children who have suffered from the failed system and making their voices heard.

As a final comment, I just want to mention how the title of her book doesn’t encompass the content of the entire book and only covers a single chapter. But also, her explanation of the statement “the children money can buy” doesn’t make sense and is quite degrading.

[Monika Schrock · Rating 3 out of 5]

Overall not a bad book. The foster care sections had helpful but dated insights. Perhaps Michigan and Washington are significantly different than Ohio, but there seemed to be gaps, oversimplifications and some differences that color the accuracy of the foster care section. The adoption sections also feature some helpful information, but are slanted towards agency and international adoptions. Having adopted two children and likely will adopt three more, the adoption sections don’t adequately cover our experience of adopting through the government foster care system. It just seems that a book in 2018 that details all of the above should cover foster care and adoption since 2000, not the 80’s and 90’s. We have only been foster parents since 2014, and there have been changes just in those short four years. I can only imagine the massive changes over 30+ years. It works better as a memoir than a helpful look at foster care or any type of adoption in 2018.

[Sara · Rating 2 out of 5]

Ew. I guess the second part was a little better, but this had too many offensive parts for me to ever give it a good review. This is a social worker who later worked in adoption, documenting her time in foster care. There are many cases where she describes parents horribly, and thinks she should be able to play god with the kids in her care. I ended up keeping highlights of awful things she said along the lines of "Among their mother's many failings was being a drug addict" - did she not realize that a few years before, this mother might have been one of her cute innocent kid clients? Also, looked to see if this book was written in, like, 1985, it was so bad about stuff like that. Nope. 2018.

The second part of the book is adoption related as she went to work in that field and is not as egregious as the first part. She does give lip service to ethical adoption issues, but not sure she is as clearheaded there as she thinks she is. Anyway, yuck all around.

[Mackenzie Cox · Rating 5 out of 5]

I had a remarkable childhood. My parents made my siblings and I feel loved and cared for any chance they had.

Our house was ours. If I wanted a snack, I had the freedom to go to the cupboard and get one. I didn’t have to ask. My mom was my biggest supporter. My dad provided everything we ever could have asked for and more.

All of these things are true yet I had no way to fully appreciate it. I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to appreciate how good I’ve had it. But this book helped me get a little closer.

It shed light on how much different a life in the foster care system or living with an adopted family can be. There are countless positive outcomes as it relates to foster care and adoption. There are also negative situations. Those of which I never spent much time thinking about until I read this.

Any chance I can exercise a little more gratitude for the life I’ve lived is good for me. The Children Money Can Buy helped me with that.

[Natalie Sypeck · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5 stars
As someone who is getting my bachelors in social work, this book gave me a lot to think about. It also gave me a lot to think about when it comes to adoption, something I have wanted for many years (though wont happen for many years since I'm only 25 and unmarried...100% single actually lol). I thought the stories were interesting and informative, though at times a bit too long. It actually took me 3 months to read this book, that's never happened before, but I enjoyed it every time I picked it up and am glad I took my time with it. I feel this is a good book to read if you are looking to get into social work with children (whether through foster care or adoption agencies). This is of course only one woman's experience, so I will be looking into more books on this topic to get a well rounded view of these topics.

[Renada Thompson · Rating 5 out of 5]

At another time in my life I would not have picked this up. But having just begin my research into foster care, and about a year into being a parent, Anne Moody's collection of stories was the perfect companion. I think it gave me a better introduction to foster care and adoption than ten "how-to" guides could have done.

I connected with the author not just because she lives in the Seattle area, but because of passages like this:

"Is it a good thing to encourage women who cant, or won't care for their babies to get pregnant? Definitely not. Is it a good thing these three babies were born? Definitely yes. It's complicated, to say the least."

[Shana · Rating 3 out of 5]

THREE AND A HALF STARS. As someone who worked in child welfare for 10 years, I find books about adoption and foster care interesting. Although this book bills itself as "stories from foster care and adoption," there is a big chunk of it that is advice for people considering adoption, which wasn't relevant to me. The first part is about the author's experience as a child welfare caseworker in the 1970's. I worked in this role 30 years later yet really identified with a lot of the author's experience at that time. The later chapters deal with adoption and some of the author's own experience adopting a child from Korea and also some interesting discussions about the ethics of adoption.

[Fusspot · Rating 1 out of 5]

Parts of the sections on foster care were solid and interesting. I hoped to like the rest of the book. However, I started to grow concerned when the author's views on international adoption were overly rosy and one-sided. I disagreed with her ethical conclusions.

I stopped reading when the author bent over backwards to justify adoptive parents as saints saving children. Especially icky because she is one.

[Julia · Rating 2 out of 5]

It’s hard to know if I should give this two or three stars. When I finished the book I thought, what was the point? I wish the author had made more of an effort to craft an argument, (possibly around how wealth influences the power families have in receiving and having children taken away) that the stories supported. I guess the book was fine, but that’s not a ringing endorsement.

[Delanie · Rating 3 out of 5]

Though it had the makings of a great view into the modern history of adoption and foster care in America, this book could DEFINITELY have used another round of editing to smooth out the ordering and presentation.

[Sam · Rating 4 out of 5]

I went back and forth on 3 and 4 stars but landed on 4 due to my personal experience of being adopted.

[Flor Cita · Rating 5 out of 5]

LOVED IT! A must read

[Silena · Rating 4 out of 5]

A memoir of 40 years as social worker assisting families in the foster care system, and helping families with international and domestic adoptions.

[Becky · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is pretty much what it says it is: stories about foster care and adoption (mostly*) from the perspective of a social worker. Her views felt a lot more balanced than I expected. The foster care section was probably the most depressing, but her views on adoption were neither the "this is a fairytale" narrative that you hear so often nor "this is an atrocity" narrative that I've seen more of in recent years. Everybody is people and people are messy. This book doesn't go super deep or try to say what should be. It just lays out the stories: this is what is.


(*she also includes her daughter's story, so that one is from the perspective of an adoptive mom).

[Nora Olmo · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is an interesting READS considering the SOCIAL WORKERS-CASE MANAGERS and COURT SYSTEM etc. However, some should NOT be social workers, but they are....also, a lot of cases could be closed if the work was done the right way. There should be a lot more resources in order to help keep most families together. Do the cases managers still follow the same rules that they were hired to do the same job? I am sure that the job requirements have changed since they were first hired. I wonder if some have cut the fat off the paper work/red tape,etc. Lastly, why don't case managers' help clients to connect with their biological families? (that would be HELPFUL) Maybe some may have medical issues and want to locate their biological families. Some clients are living with 2 amended-birth certificates. Why don't all case managers' offer some assistance in this matter. Don't they have a lot of connections? The WELFARE SYSTEM should not only be for people; with learning disabilities, autism, hand handicaps, elderly and veterans (MEDICAL ISSUES/PHYSICAL ISSUES)-- ONLY. People who have addiction and mental illnesses should be put into supervised housing. My question is how old is the welfare system? The system doesn't work for everyone. Don't we need a new up-to-date system, times have changed. (well, haven't they?) The system should only be for the american people. Does the welfare system have their favorite clients-it's who you know. They should do a survey on the welfare system.(PUBLIC-OPTION) It's not working the right way, than fix it. There are good/bad; case managers/social workers and there are...BAD ONES HURT YOU AND NOT HELP YOU...

[Tara · Rating 4 out of 5]

Super interesting look from a social worker and an adoptive mom’s perspective & beautifully written ...but so negative about foster care. She worked in foster care back in the 70s and now owns a private adoption agency, so I felt like her views on foster care are both dates and biased (she’d rather adoptive parents go through a private agency...like hers.)