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The Heart of Trauma: Healing the Embodied Brain in the Context of Relationships
How each of us can become a therapeutic presence in the world. Images and sounds of war, natural disasters, and human-made devastation explicitly surround us and implicitly leave their imprint in our muscles, our belly and heart, our nervous systems, and the brains in our skulls. We each experience more digital data than we are capable of processing in a day, and this is leading to a loss of empathy and human contact. This loss of leisurely, sustained, face-to-face connection is making true presence a rare experience for many of us, and is neurally ingraining fast pace and split attention as the norm. Yet despite all of this, the ability to offer the safe sanctuary of presence is central to effective clinical treatment of trauma and indeed to all of therapeutic practice. It is our challenge to remain present within our culture, Badenoch argues, no matter how difficult this might be. She makes the case that we are built to seek out, enter, and sustain warm relationships, all this connection will allow us to support the emergence of a humane world. In this book, Bonnie Badenoch, a gifted translator of neuroscientific concepts into human terms, offers readers brain- and body-based insights into how we can form deep relational encounters with our clients and our selves and how relational neuroscience can teach us about the astonishing ways we are interwoven with one another. How we walk about in our daily lives will touch everyone, often below the level of conscious awareness. The first part of The Heart of Trauma provides readers with an extended understanding of the ways in which our physical bodies are implicated in our conscious and non-conscious experience. Badenoch then delves even deeper into the clinical implications of moving through the world. She presents a strong, scientifically grounded case for doing the work of opening to hemispheric balance and relational deepening.
360 pages, Hardcover
Published November 28, 2017
204 people are currently reading
1533 people want to read
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December 28, 2019
Bonnie's writing is inviting me into a new way of experiencing life: feeling safer with other people more often and having a growing sense of hope that troubling moods and times of distress are invitations to heal.
I have found Bonnie's book to have a very rare tone in the world of "self help" books. It's been a humble yet knowledgeable and radical yet relaxing oasis of inspiration, case studies and exercises for how acceptance, safety, gratitude and compassion can shift from being intellectual ideas into a deeper, supported embodied experience.
Bonnie respectfully challenges some of the concepts of psychology and mindfulness that may be inadvertently reinforcing the sense of aloneness and trauma in the very people we'd love to be supporting in their healing. For example: is it really "counter transference" - or is this an invitation from your body to receive gentle, unhurried presence for what's awakening in you? Is the client really "resisting" ... or is their system in fact being supremely wise in taking care of this person in exactly the way that's keeping them functioning for now?
Perhaps one of the reasons this book is so special is that it synthesizes Bonnie's decades of life experiences and careers: first as a survivor of childhood harm from her primary attachments, then as a literature lover and teacher, then as a counsellor and "brainwise therapist". Bonnie shares the understanding she's embodied through interpersonal learning and practice in study groups or dialogue with researchers and educators such as Daniel Siegel (Mindsight etc) and Stephen Porges (Polyvagal theory).
Bonnie's book is written in a way that invites us to continually pause, if we feel safe and willing, to see how our body is experiencing the knowledge. It is the first time I can ever remember feeling completely at ease to read a book at the pace my body could take it in. It took me nine months the first time, and just about the same again the second time. I've been reading a few paragraphs most mornings as inspiration for daily journaling and weekly practice with a couple of "empathy buddies".
Bonnie's words have inspired me to gently and gradually follow my body's natural reaching for "co-regulation", and to try to be compassionately curious and trusting of its wisdom when it doesn't feel safe in the presence of others.
I am about to begin reading Bonnie's book for the third time in 2020, with the companionship of a couple of other empathic friends in a weekly book group in an art studio. I have been adding quotes to Good Reads, which I'm imagining I'll print off and place in a box. We can draw out a "random prompt" from Bonnie's book, whenever we're looking for inspiration for our art explorations. I'm looking forward to seeing how my body responds to having companionable, creative silence as our bodies visually express and explore the material in Bonnie's book, as well as the opportunity to share in words and have those reflected if we'd like.
******
Here's my summary of some of the themes I have found so nourishing and inspiring from this book:
1) Humans are always seeking the warmest relationships we can imagine.
Human bodies are made to be nurtured "in a nest of warm relationships".
That sensitive survival strength also means we are most vulnerable to being harmed in close relationships, particularly in our early years before we even have language or a sense of time.
Thankfully, we are also never too old or harmed to be beyond the gift of bringing our bodies warm, healing presence for the truth of its experiences.
2) Warm presence provides the possibility of receiving our body's reactions as awakenings.
What if we begin to perceive that our body's intense feelings or reactions are not "triggers"? They are tellers of truth, protective movements for safety, and inviting the possibility of healing presence. These are wounds which are awakening to keep us safe from being further harmed, and maybe even looking to see if there is warm presence available to "co-regulate" our feelings and help us honour our deepest needs.
As overwhelmed or embarrassed as we might feel when we are reacting in ways we don't like, our body's sensations and actions are invitations for healing.
3) Emotional regulation flows naturally from being in the presence of someone we trust.
Frightening, intensely painful, shameful or confusing experiences that we don't have enough emotional support for at the time become "enwombed" in our muscles, ready to be awakened to protect us ... and to be healed. Suffering is reduced and healing naturally unfolds when we have enough experiences of resonant human companionship. Our bodies naturally settle (at their own pace) when they sense they are in the presence of someone who is able and willing to gently respect and reflect the truth and wisdom of our body's sensations. When we cultivate these experiences in our own life, our body become a richer and deeper and more reliable source of tenderness, flowing attunement, respect for each body's natural sense of pace, and free of agenda or expectation that feelings must be changed.
4) Healing at the source of the wound.
Strategies such as mindfulness, affirmations, self-soothing, yoga, EMDR, exercise, meditation and cognitive behaviour therapy can provide rich support and build new neural pathways to keep us functioning pretty highly (to outward appearances at least). However these practices won't necessarily lift the emotional weight, loneliness or numbness of trying to prevent ourselves from being "triggered". In fact, meditation or mindfulness practices in themselves can actually awaken a real sense of threat in our bodies if we have a sense of being lonely, told what to do, trapped or pressured to "get it right". We might tell ourselves that we're not trying to be perfect and that all feelings are acceptable, however our body has other experiences at play. Our body works so hard, so wisely, and often feeling so alone, to protect wounds from being painfully re-awakened. Our body wisely senses that our suffering can be worsened -- so it tenses or collapses in an effort to contain the confusion, overwhelm and pain of sudden strong emotions. And yet, our body also wisely senses that our suffering can be reduced and possibly even transformed into a gift if we have enough warm human presence available to be with us, just as we are, in whatever is arising in this moment
5) From the idea of compassion ... to the ever deepening experience of safety in relationships.
We can know intellectually about compassion and healing techniques intellectually, which is a beautiful beginning. However we also need our body to receive repeated experiences of "co-regulation" if we are going to feel safer and connected, and to be a safe presence for others. The invitation and inspiration offered in Bonnie's book is for us to gently cultivate a sense of deep nurture and safety in our own bodies. We can do this by gradually and gently cultivating a support network of safe, warm, resonant listeners to our body's own stories. Over time, our body's storehouse grows that it can have some trust and safety when strong sensations and painful emotions awaken. This "embodied" healing brain becomes a greater and deeper capacity to offer a safe presence to others which allows their own body's "innate healing plan" to emerge.
6) Respect for the body's survival wisdom and automatic choices.
Our bodies are a rich and vast resource of sensing, knowing and healing. We can hold only a few specks of knowledge in our conscious awareness, compared with the vast information that is being processed by our eyes, ears, skin etc. It is our body, not our thoughts, which makes automatic choices about what will be safest and most nurturing for us given the resources available (inside and out) from moment to moment. Overtime, our knowledge of how the brain works in nourishing relationships, and what feels safe and nurturing for our own bodies, can begin to influence and support how we respond to our body's automatic reactions.
7) We cannot self-regulate ... we co-regulate.
Self-regulation is in fact co-regulation. We thrive on regulation given and received from others. Our emotions are regulated by the warm, nonjudgmental (and therefore safe) presence of another attuned, nonjudgmental, resonnating body. Looking around our offices, our streets, our families we might start to see how people are continually working to co-regulate - through the offering (or taking) of space, through looking at our phones to stay tuned to loved ones or news when we're in a meeting that's not meaningful or nurturing to us, through talking a lot or staying silent, through making eye contact or looking away when it's too intense, through following each other's cues, through laughing together, through offering food and drink to each other etc etc etc. When we do regulate our emotions without the physical presence of another human, it is still co-regulation. Our body is drawing on its memories of the warmth and acceptance it has received from others in the past (which might include horses, nature, cats, dogs, parrots, water ... and probably at least one or two humans in our pasts such as a kind teacher, neighbour who delighted in us for who we were as well as offering us nurture, creativity, play comfort etc).
8) Knowledge and process are nurturers for healing relationships.
Bonnie explores the therapeutic insights from Iain McGilchrist's book (The Master and the Emissiary). She explores how psychological diagnosis or devotion to particular therapy philosophies and processes might block us from the healing that is waiting to emerge. Bonnie's book, to me, is a living example of left hemisphere knowledge being offered to support our instinctive bodily wisdom and the possibility of trusting being in states of uncertainty. There is safety with the acknowledging the unknown, in leading by following, in respecting our innate tentativeness and intuitive offers of connection with others. I imagine this booking being a beautiful reassurance, and sometimes heartbreaking song of solace to all of us who feel ridiculed for our sensitivity and constantly pushed to go faster, get more done, know more, care more, be "bold", "solution-focussed", "fix", "measure", "be cool headed", "stop overthinking" and so on. In fact, we are perhaps living at the speed of trauma ... and Bonnie's book helps provide the intellectual knowledge to support the healing wisdom and nourishing actions that emerge from caring, attuned relationships in every aspect of life.
9) The safety of ruptures in relationships
Bonnie's book is interwoven with examples of her own journey in coming to experience how ruptures are inevitable in all relationships, even where we have the best of intentions. Through sensing the rupture, offering healing to any shame or pain we are feeling about it, and letting a repair arise when it is ready, we actually build relationships which feel even safer than before.
*******
I wonder how all this feels for you to read so far, and if there are any particular themes that your body responds to - perhaps with sensations in your belly, breathing or face.
I hope you'll find some of the quotes from Bonnie's book here on Good Reads nourishing for your own creativity and healing journey. I wish you warm companionship for the wisdom of your body's continual movement to safety, healing, meaning, mutual care and whole body wellbeing.
I have found Bonnie's book to have a very rare tone in the world of "self help" books. It's been a humble yet knowledgeable and radical yet relaxing oasis of inspiration, case studies and exercises for how acceptance, safety, gratitude and compassion can shift from being intellectual ideas into a deeper, supported embodied experience.
Bonnie respectfully challenges some of the concepts of psychology and mindfulness that may be inadvertently reinforcing the sense of aloneness and trauma in the very people we'd love to be supporting in their healing. For example: is it really "counter transference" - or is this an invitation from your body to receive gentle, unhurried presence for what's awakening in you? Is the client really "resisting" ... or is their system in fact being supremely wise in taking care of this person in exactly the way that's keeping them functioning for now?
Perhaps one of the reasons this book is so special is that it synthesizes Bonnie's decades of life experiences and careers: first as a survivor of childhood harm from her primary attachments, then as a literature lover and teacher, then as a counsellor and "brainwise therapist". Bonnie shares the understanding she's embodied through interpersonal learning and practice in study groups or dialogue with researchers and educators such as Daniel Siegel (Mindsight etc) and Stephen Porges (Polyvagal theory).
Bonnie's book is written in a way that invites us to continually pause, if we feel safe and willing, to see how our body is experiencing the knowledge. It is the first time I can ever remember feeling completely at ease to read a book at the pace my body could take it in. It took me nine months the first time, and just about the same again the second time. I've been reading a few paragraphs most mornings as inspiration for daily journaling and weekly practice with a couple of "empathy buddies".
Bonnie's words have inspired me to gently and gradually follow my body's natural reaching for "co-regulation", and to try to be compassionately curious and trusting of its wisdom when it doesn't feel safe in the presence of others.
I am about to begin reading Bonnie's book for the third time in 2020, with the companionship of a couple of other empathic friends in a weekly book group in an art studio. I have been adding quotes to Good Reads, which I'm imagining I'll print off and place in a box. We can draw out a "random prompt" from Bonnie's book, whenever we're looking for inspiration for our art explorations. I'm looking forward to seeing how my body responds to having companionable, creative silence as our bodies visually express and explore the material in Bonnie's book, as well as the opportunity to share in words and have those reflected if we'd like.
******
Here's my summary of some of the themes I have found so nourishing and inspiring from this book:
1) Humans are always seeking the warmest relationships we can imagine.
Human bodies are made to be nurtured "in a nest of warm relationships".
That sensitive survival strength also means we are most vulnerable to being harmed in close relationships, particularly in our early years before we even have language or a sense of time.
Thankfully, we are also never too old or harmed to be beyond the gift of bringing our bodies warm, healing presence for the truth of its experiences.
2) Warm presence provides the possibility of receiving our body's reactions as awakenings.
What if we begin to perceive that our body's intense feelings or reactions are not "triggers"? They are tellers of truth, protective movements for safety, and inviting the possibility of healing presence. These are wounds which are awakening to keep us safe from being further harmed, and maybe even looking to see if there is warm presence available to "co-regulate" our feelings and help us honour our deepest needs.
As overwhelmed or embarrassed as we might feel when we are reacting in ways we don't like, our body's sensations and actions are invitations for healing.
3) Emotional regulation flows naturally from being in the presence of someone we trust.
Frightening, intensely painful, shameful or confusing experiences that we don't have enough emotional support for at the time become "enwombed" in our muscles, ready to be awakened to protect us ... and to be healed. Suffering is reduced and healing naturally unfolds when we have enough experiences of resonant human companionship. Our bodies naturally settle (at their own pace) when they sense they are in the presence of someone who is able and willing to gently respect and reflect the truth and wisdom of our body's sensations. When we cultivate these experiences in our own life, our body become a richer and deeper and more reliable source of tenderness, flowing attunement, respect for each body's natural sense of pace, and free of agenda or expectation that feelings must be changed.
4) Healing at the source of the wound.
Strategies such as mindfulness, affirmations, self-soothing, yoga, EMDR, exercise, meditation and cognitive behaviour therapy can provide rich support and build new neural pathways to keep us functioning pretty highly (to outward appearances at least). However these practices won't necessarily lift the emotional weight, loneliness or numbness of trying to prevent ourselves from being "triggered". In fact, meditation or mindfulness practices in themselves can actually awaken a real sense of threat in our bodies if we have a sense of being lonely, told what to do, trapped or pressured to "get it right". We might tell ourselves that we're not trying to be perfect and that all feelings are acceptable, however our body has other experiences at play. Our body works so hard, so wisely, and often feeling so alone, to protect wounds from being painfully re-awakened. Our body wisely senses that our suffering can be worsened -- so it tenses or collapses in an effort to contain the confusion, overwhelm and pain of sudden strong emotions. And yet, our body also wisely senses that our suffering can be reduced and possibly even transformed into a gift if we have enough warm human presence available to be with us, just as we are, in whatever is arising in this moment
5) From the idea of compassion ... to the ever deepening experience of safety in relationships.
We can know intellectually about compassion and healing techniques intellectually, which is a beautiful beginning. However we also need our body to receive repeated experiences of "co-regulation" if we are going to feel safer and connected, and to be a safe presence for others. The invitation and inspiration offered in Bonnie's book is for us to gently cultivate a sense of deep nurture and safety in our own bodies. We can do this by gradually and gently cultivating a support network of safe, warm, resonant listeners to our body's own stories. Over time, our body's storehouse grows that it can have some trust and safety when strong sensations and painful emotions awaken. This "embodied" healing brain becomes a greater and deeper capacity to offer a safe presence to others which allows their own body's "innate healing plan" to emerge.
6) Respect for the body's survival wisdom and automatic choices.
Our bodies are a rich and vast resource of sensing, knowing and healing. We can hold only a few specks of knowledge in our conscious awareness, compared with the vast information that is being processed by our eyes, ears, skin etc. It is our body, not our thoughts, which makes automatic choices about what will be safest and most nurturing for us given the resources available (inside and out) from moment to moment. Overtime, our knowledge of how the brain works in nourishing relationships, and what feels safe and nurturing for our own bodies, can begin to influence and support how we respond to our body's automatic reactions.
7) We cannot self-regulate ... we co-regulate.
Self-regulation is in fact co-regulation. We thrive on regulation given and received from others. Our emotions are regulated by the warm, nonjudgmental (and therefore safe) presence of another attuned, nonjudgmental, resonnating body. Looking around our offices, our streets, our families we might start to see how people are continually working to co-regulate - through the offering (or taking) of space, through looking at our phones to stay tuned to loved ones or news when we're in a meeting that's not meaningful or nurturing to us, through talking a lot or staying silent, through making eye contact or looking away when it's too intense, through following each other's cues, through laughing together, through offering food and drink to each other etc etc etc. When we do regulate our emotions without the physical presence of another human, it is still co-regulation. Our body is drawing on its memories of the warmth and acceptance it has received from others in the past (which might include horses, nature, cats, dogs, parrots, water ... and probably at least one or two humans in our pasts such as a kind teacher, neighbour who delighted in us for who we were as well as offering us nurture, creativity, play comfort etc).
8) Knowledge and process are nurturers for healing relationships.
Bonnie explores the therapeutic insights from Iain McGilchrist's book (The Master and the Emissiary). She explores how psychological diagnosis or devotion to particular therapy philosophies and processes might block us from the healing that is waiting to emerge. Bonnie's book, to me, is a living example of left hemisphere knowledge being offered to support our instinctive bodily wisdom and the possibility of trusting being in states of uncertainty. There is safety with the acknowledging the unknown, in leading by following, in respecting our innate tentativeness and intuitive offers of connection with others. I imagine this booking being a beautiful reassurance, and sometimes heartbreaking song of solace to all of us who feel ridiculed for our sensitivity and constantly pushed to go faster, get more done, know more, care more, be "bold", "solution-focussed", "fix", "measure", "be cool headed", "stop overthinking" and so on. In fact, we are perhaps living at the speed of trauma ... and Bonnie's book helps provide the intellectual knowledge to support the healing wisdom and nourishing actions that emerge from caring, attuned relationships in every aspect of life.
9) The safety of ruptures in relationships
Bonnie's book is interwoven with examples of her own journey in coming to experience how ruptures are inevitable in all relationships, even where we have the best of intentions. Through sensing the rupture, offering healing to any shame or pain we are feeling about it, and letting a repair arise when it is ready, we actually build relationships which feel even safer than before.
*******
I wonder how all this feels for you to read so far, and if there are any particular themes that your body responds to - perhaps with sensations in your belly, breathing or face.
I hope you'll find some of the quotes from Bonnie's book here on Good Reads nourishing for your own creativity and healing journey. I wish you warm companionship for the wisdom of your body's continual movement to safety, healing, meaning, mutual care and whole body wellbeing.
August 24, 2022
Incredibly profound book. It’s difficult to capture in words what this book did for me personally and how it has altered my view of counseling. Though written to/for counselors, the first 1/2-3/4 of the book would be helpful for anyone who is seeking to understand more about how their body is wired, how the nervous system works and how it holds on to all that we experience, and then how to begin to practice paying attention to all the wisdom our body holds.
February 17, 2019
Is there a heart of trauma? Or is the way we approach our own traumas and those of others one of the most challenging and most revealing testimonies of our hearts?
In The Heart of Trauma, trauma therapist and writer Bonnie Badenoch held my attention from the very first page to the very last.
She reminds us that the effects of trauma persist throughout our body, mind and soul when we are left alone to experience the most unimaginable, terrifying and brutal aspects of life. It is through the companionship of another, who accompanies us to those places from an attuned and co-regulated place, that we are most likely to heal.
In a world that increasingly encourages technique and symptom management over compassion and the art of therapy, this book takes its important place as a reminder of the need for humanity and care, as well as therapeutic expertise.
Weaving neuroscience, mindfulness and relationality with the skills of therapy, Bonnie Badenoch provides an essential and priceless guide to the compassionate and heartfelt core of trauma therapy and trauma healing.
In The Heart of Trauma, trauma therapist and writer Bonnie Badenoch held my attention from the very first page to the very last.
She reminds us that the effects of trauma persist throughout our body, mind and soul when we are left alone to experience the most unimaginable, terrifying and brutal aspects of life. It is through the companionship of another, who accompanies us to those places from an attuned and co-regulated place, that we are most likely to heal.
In a world that increasingly encourages technique and symptom management over compassion and the art of therapy, this book takes its important place as a reminder of the need for humanity and care, as well as therapeutic expertise.
Weaving neuroscience, mindfulness and relationality with the skills of therapy, Bonnie Badenoch provides an essential and priceless guide to the compassionate and heartfelt core of trauma therapy and trauma healing.
May 28, 2021
Extremely dense (but with a gentle tone), this is a book that I will probably have to listen to (or read) again to gain even a moderate understanding. Geared towards therapists but everyone with a body could benefit from some of the teachings here.
May 25, 2021
I could not love this book any more than I already do. It’s an essential read for counselors and anyone in the field of mental health. It’s probably one of the top 3 most influential books I’ve read on mental health. Not only is it insightful and educational, but it also feels like receiving a caring hug from someone who understands all the unique hurts and vulnerabilities each of us carries.
April 3, 2020
Being logical and relational come together in this amazing read. Make sure to take it slow cause there is so much to absorb. Definitely reread this in a few years.
BONUS: My book club got to Zoom with the author! What an amazing woman!
BONUS: My book club got to Zoom with the author! What an amazing woman!
July 26, 2020
Bonnie's approach to therapy is wholesome and beautiful. I thoroughly enjoyed reading this book and numerous times I found myself in awe of the wisdom of the points she shares.
July 20, 2020
Powerfully insightful...I cried on and off reading this while my memories were awakened or touched not triggered as Badenoch likes to call it. Healing the heart with the brain in mind. Extremely educational.
July 2, 2023
While much more dense, this book has a lot of insightful lessons that I’ll be chewing on for a while. Well worth the read even though it was a slow and steady treck for me and was wrapped up very beautifully.
April 6, 2023
This was a super interesting book, but also hard to follow sometimes
July 7, 2021
Compassion Release:
"If people have harmed us, that part is usually a protector whose need to cause injury comes from desperate attempts to not feel destroyed by the pain and fear they are carrying. Generally, they are not conscious of this process, but it likely mirrors what has been passed down by the generations in the family. As we offer ourselves to this protector without judgement or agenda the one the protector is sheltering often begins to appear and that is usually the child within the one that hurt us. These are often moments of deep transformation as our people begin to have a felt sense of the pain and fear that drove their beloved parent or (other person) to hurt them. There may have been what we could have called intellectual compassion before, an understanding of how family history has simply flowed downstream. This new arising is different because now, as our people embody the experience of the one who caused them harm, a whole-hearted whole-body compassion arrives that brings a different quality of forgiveness."
"If people have harmed us, that part is usually a protector whose need to cause injury comes from desperate attempts to not feel destroyed by the pain and fear they are carrying. Generally, they are not conscious of this process, but it likely mirrors what has been passed down by the generations in the family. As we offer ourselves to this protector without judgement or agenda the one the protector is sheltering often begins to appear and that is usually the child within the one that hurt us. These are often moments of deep transformation as our people begin to have a felt sense of the pain and fear that drove their beloved parent or (other person) to hurt them. There may have been what we could have called intellectual compassion before, an understanding of how family history has simply flowed downstream. This new arising is different because now, as our people embody the experience of the one who caused them harm, a whole-hearted whole-body compassion arrives that brings a different quality of forgiveness."
August 22, 2025
This was an incredible book that invites us to explore ourselves in many, but often uncomfortable ways, in order to (re)connect with our bodies, and the right hemisphere of the brain. Bonnie Badenoch has an incredible way of using words to both describe and touch certain aspects of our being with compassion and greater understanding. She convincingly illustrates so well how healing can only start from attending and meeting both others and yourself with openess, and that everyone has their own rhythm and way of healing. No ones experiences are the same, and the different processes involved in order to gain a greater understanding yourself and wellbeing, can be different.
This book by far is the best at explaining how trauma can have a more broader understanding and inclusivity. It is not something that only affects a small minority who have been through terrifying experiences. This whole book has made me become more compassionate, and curious, as a result.
Another reminder of how it is important to let go trauma as an identity, and any preconcieved notions we have of others. Learn to be present for one another, AND ourselves. Start seeing each other as a broader family than looking at our differences. Many books already spoken about this, but Bonnie does it in much better than the other books I have read by now.
The performance of the audiobook was very comfortable to listen to. It felt as if I was being embraced as I was listening to it.
Unfortunately, I cannot rate it full stars because I felt like many concepts, and body processes, were only touched on a surface level. I understand that that this was the intention, but I would have had a better time retaining some of this information if it was more connected to stories, or examples. My left brain wanted more!
I have still a lot to learn about the right hemiphere dominance, and this book gives me an urge to do more further reading on the growing scientific litterature that the book is based on. I feel now more compelled to be more open to the "mysterious" and "magical" experiences that MAY develop during future connections with your own body. I still am stuck in a left hemisphere state, but I look forward to opening up more to other experiences, even if I am not attracted to religion or spiritual experiences.
This is a modern masterpiece of a book about trauma! I recommend anyone to give it a try.
This book by far is the best at explaining how trauma can have a more broader understanding and inclusivity. It is not something that only affects a small minority who have been through terrifying experiences. This whole book has made me become more compassionate, and curious, as a result.
Another reminder of how it is important to let go trauma as an identity, and any preconcieved notions we have of others. Learn to be present for one another, AND ourselves. Start seeing each other as a broader family than looking at our differences. Many books already spoken about this, but Bonnie does it in much better than the other books I have read by now.
The performance of the audiobook was very comfortable to listen to. It felt as if I was being embraced as I was listening to it.
Unfortunately, I cannot rate it full stars because I felt like many concepts, and body processes, were only touched on a surface level. I understand that that this was the intention, but I would have had a better time retaining some of this information if it was more connected to stories, or examples. My left brain wanted more!
I have still a lot to learn about the right hemiphere dominance, and this book gives me an urge to do more further reading on the growing scientific litterature that the book is based on. I feel now more compelled to be more open to the "mysterious" and "magical" experiences that MAY develop during future connections with your own body. I still am stuck in a left hemisphere state, but I look forward to opening up more to other experiences, even if I am not attracted to religion or spiritual experiences.
This is a modern masterpiece of a book about trauma! I recommend anyone to give it a try.
August 25, 2025
I was going to give this audiobook five stars and recommend it left and right however about 50% in author started talking about some messed up animal abuse and I couldn’t keep listening because the sound of that voice kept the dreadful memory resurfacing (which basically means it low key traumatised me) - which is extremely careless of the author to say the least.
Author put a lot of emphasis on being empathetic but only when it comes to humans - and completely detached and “left brained” when it comes to other beings. I don’t think it ever crossed her mind that electrocuting mothers every time they approach their babies will lead to PTSD - whether it’s human or an animal.
Mammals have the enteric nervous system and the need for social bonding just like humans do, because we too are mammals, after all. Being this detached from cruelty to animals is very upsetting, spiecesist and makes author look like a complete hypocrite.
If you don’t give a damn about cruelty to animals then by all means this is a good book that talks about nervous system and trauma from a more “right brain” perspective. But to me it left a terrible taste in my mouth.
Author put a lot of emphasis on being empathetic but only when it comes to humans - and completely detached and “left brained” when it comes to other beings. I don’t think it ever crossed her mind that electrocuting mothers every time they approach their babies will lead to PTSD - whether it’s human or an animal.
Mammals have the enteric nervous system and the need for social bonding just like humans do, because we too are mammals, after all. Being this detached from cruelty to animals is very upsetting, spiecesist and makes author look like a complete hypocrite.
If you don’t give a damn about cruelty to animals then by all means this is a good book that talks about nervous system and trauma from a more “right brain” perspective. But to me it left a terrible taste in my mouth.
September 21, 2022
It took me almost a year to read this book, partly because it’s a dense read at times and partly because I read it intentionally slowly with a group of therapists. There’s a lot to take in, and I’m sure I didn’t digest it all. But the author captures the blending of neuroscience and intuition beautifully that we so often navigate as therapists. At times I wanted a little more in terms of examples to help illustrate her points, but otherwise a great book.
April 1, 2024
For class. 3.5 stars. Ch. 14-18 were great. Other than that, I just don’t know if I really believe we can heal in utero traumas and I’m not sure if I’d be comfy practicing interpersonal neurobiology given the very intimate nature of it.
I didn’t really like the “pause for reflections” or the practices but that would prob help make this book okay for psychoed for clients or for someone who wants to work through their trauma with support but not necessarily in therapy.
I didn’t really like the “pause for reflections” or the practices but that would prob help make this book okay for psychoed for clients or for someone who wants to work through their trauma with support but not necessarily in therapy.
July 3, 2022
Insightful
Delves into the inner communication of our mind and brains, as it navigates through the connection with external world. Author provides valuable insight into the process utilizing interpersonal neurobiology. I recommend this book to therapist and other readers who wish to be awakened, and who wish to start being attuned and present with self and others.
Delves into the inner communication of our mind and brains, as it navigates through the connection with external world. Author provides valuable insight into the process utilizing interpersonal neurobiology. I recommend this book to therapist and other readers who wish to be awakened, and who wish to start being attuned and present with self and others.
March 2, 2024
super dense (it took me a long time to read) but full of a lot of helpful information on trauma for a counselor. I appreciated how the author challenged clinicians to let go of hard-set expectations when working with clients with trauma.
September 12, 2024
I have loved reading this brilliant book, both for the detailed interpersonal neurobiology and for the interactive, balanced, inviting way the book is written. The case studies or stories towards the end bring everything before it to life.
September 13, 2025
I'm listening to this. The narrator reads the book in a whisper which is hard to pay attention to. She also is too focused on being emotional and performing the book rather than reading it. I wouldn't recommend it in this format.
January 17, 2026
An excellent book! I listened to it and them purchased the book so I could study it. A beautiful and compassionate view of trauma therapy. I am not a therapist. This book is for everyone who wants to make heart-centered connections.
November 25, 2020
Probably the most influential book I have read in regards to counseling.
February 14, 2021
Truly stunning book for therapists.
May 27, 2021
Finished it on principle, a book for clinicians more than those sorting through their own trauma.
July 5, 2022
Fantastic book, especially for anyone studying psychotherapy, counselling or relational work.
September 6, 2024
Full of information and wisdom. I will definitely go back and re-listen to sections, especially the clinical application chapters at the end of the book.
December 31, 2024
My favorite therapy book of all time... if I don't read anything in 2025 it's because I'm rereading this repeatedly!
June 29, 2025
I anticipate this book being a staple reference throughout my career as a therapist.
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July 11, 2025Audiobook
July 22, 2025
This one was slow-going for me. Lots of great information; it just took me a long time to get through it.
“…let go of our expectations about the shape in which healing may arrive.”
“…let go of our expectations about the shape in which healing may arrive.”
December 11, 2025
Beautifully written practical manual
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