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Heloise the Bard
The Chronicle of Heloise & Grimple
"Mr. Gibson has the potential to be the next Terry Pratchett." - Readers' Favorite
A bard walks in on a dark elf dealing cards to a beholder, a mind flayer, a demon, a grouchy-looking wizard, and what is either a vampire or a really pale guy with an unfortunate widow’s peak….
The set-up for a bad joke? Nope (well, maybe that, too)—just a typical day at the office for adventuring partners Heloise, Erithea’s most beautiful, witty, talented, and occasionally prone to talking in the third-person half-elven bard, and her powerful hill giant companion, Grimple, who doesn’t look like a hill giant anymore because he made the mistake of crossing a lich and getting illusioned (yes, it’s a word…or, at least, we’re going to pretend it’s one) into something even more ridiculous. (Grimple is kind of an idiot.)
It turns out that getting adventuring work when your hill giant companion looks like a sickly gnome (despite retaining his giant strength) isn’t easy, so what’s a beautiful, witty, and talented half-elven bard to do? The answer, of course, is obvious: set off on a quest, idiotic hill giant partner in tow, to confront the lich who transformed him in the first place, and look really good doing it. Along the way, chances are good that adventures will be had, wrongs will be righted, songs will be sung, monsters will be smited, treasure will be won, and, perhaps, love will be made to burly dwarves (or, more accurately, dwarf, singular—I’m not really a party girl).
Part parody, part homage, and all woman, The Chronicle of Heloise & Grimple lampoons the greatest fantasy adventures of yore even as it upholds the very best traditions of the genre (and, I might add, looks really good doing it).
But, don’t take my word for it—here’s what people across Erithea are saying about The Chronicle of Heloise & Grimple:
“The Chronicle of Heloise & Grimple is one of the greatest sagas ever set to music by one of the, um, wait—what did you want me to say here? I can’t read your handwriting. ‘One of the most talented, beautiful and sweet’—does that say ‘sweet-canned’? Seriously? Because I’m not saying that. Wait—why don’t I get title credit, too? If it weren’t for me, you and Grimple would never have…hey! Hey! Ow! Put your dagger away, Heloise! Fine—I’ll say it! It’s great. Geez. Just read it, all right?”
--Kevil, Wizard
“Heloise is all right for an ugly elf. And she’s very good at stabbing things.”
--Tongclutcher Kilnfire, Dwarf, Master Weaponsmith of Dormenklehs
“Urk kunk grummh nuk kur grubble knuck.”
--High Chieftain Gnurk Blurglesplick of the Grandorian Orc Tribe (okay, so not all of these testimonials are complimentary, but, hey—I can’t be held accountable for what spurned lovers say about me or my work)
“That Heloise is a genius, and she has one heck of a sweet can. And, boy, can she sing.”
--Heloise the Bard
(All proceeds from the first 150 copies sold of The Chronicle of Heloise & Grimple will be donated to ProLiteracy (www.proliteracy.org), an organization that promotes adult literacy through content development, programs, and advocacy.)
A bard walks in on a dark elf dealing cards to a beholder, a mind flayer, a demon, a grouchy-looking wizard, and what is either a vampire or a really pale guy with an unfortunate widow’s peak….
The set-up for a bad joke? Nope (well, maybe that, too)—just a typical day at the office for adventuring partners Heloise, Erithea’s most beautiful, witty, talented, and occasionally prone to talking in the third-person half-elven bard, and her powerful hill giant companion, Grimple, who doesn’t look like a hill giant anymore because he made the mistake of crossing a lich and getting illusioned (yes, it’s a word…or, at least, we’re going to pretend it’s one) into something even more ridiculous. (Grimple is kind of an idiot.)
It turns out that getting adventuring work when your hill giant companion looks like a sickly gnome (despite retaining his giant strength) isn’t easy, so what’s a beautiful, witty, and talented half-elven bard to do? The answer, of course, is obvious: set off on a quest, idiotic hill giant partner in tow, to confront the lich who transformed him in the first place, and look really good doing it. Along the way, chances are good that adventures will be had, wrongs will be righted, songs will be sung, monsters will be smited, treasure will be won, and, perhaps, love will be made to burly dwarves (or, more accurately, dwarf, singular—I’m not really a party girl).
Part parody, part homage, and all woman, The Chronicle of Heloise & Grimple lampoons the greatest fantasy adventures of yore even as it upholds the very best traditions of the genre (and, I might add, looks really good doing it).
But, don’t take my word for it—here’s what people across Erithea are saying about The Chronicle of Heloise & Grimple:
“The Chronicle of Heloise & Grimple is one of the greatest sagas ever set to music by one of the, um, wait—what did you want me to say here? I can’t read your handwriting. ‘One of the most talented, beautiful and sweet’—does that say ‘sweet-canned’? Seriously? Because I’m not saying that. Wait—why don’t I get title credit, too? If it weren’t for me, you and Grimple would never have…hey! Hey! Ow! Put your dagger away, Heloise! Fine—I’ll say it! It’s great. Geez. Just read it, all right?”
--Kevil, Wizard
“Heloise is all right for an ugly elf. And she’s very good at stabbing things.”
--Tongclutcher Kilnfire, Dwarf, Master Weaponsmith of Dormenklehs
“Urk kunk grummh nuk kur grubble knuck.”
--High Chieftain Gnurk Blurglesplick of the Grandorian Orc Tribe (okay, so not all of these testimonials are complimentary, but, hey—I can’t be held accountable for what spurned lovers say about me or my work)
“That Heloise is a genius, and she has one heck of a sweet can. And, boy, can she sing.”
--Heloise the Bard
(All proceeds from the first 150 copies sold of The Chronicle of Heloise & Grimple will be donated to ProLiteracy (www.proliteracy.org), an organization that promotes adult literacy through content development, programs, and advocacy.)
195 pages, Kindle Edition
First published September 1, 2016
12 people are currently reading
754 people want to read
About the author
Sean Gibson
7 books6,126 followersSean Gibson, "author" and slackonteur, is not a professional mini biography writer (if he were, this would be much more compelling). Instead, he’s a business professional by day, hangs out with his amazing wife, son, and daughter by night, and writes somewhere in between. He holds a BA in English Literature from Ohio Wesleyan University and an MBA from the Kelley School of Business at Indiana University, though rumors persist that he also attended mime school (he is silent on the subject). Sean is a fan of sports teams from Detroit, a distressingly large number of bands that rose to prominence in the 1980s, and writing in the third person. He currently resides in Northern Virginia, and, given how much he hates moving, and given that his house has an awesome library, is likely to remain there for some time.
Sean is the author of several comic fantasy stories starring Heloise the Bard, including the #1 bestseller The Part About the Dragon Was (Mostly) True (which Publishers Weekly drunkenly gave a starred review), "You Just Can't Hide from Chriskahzaa," and The Chronicle of Heloise & Grimple. He also wrote the Victorian-set fantasy thriller The Camelot Shadow and its prequel short, "The Strange Task Before Me." He contributed the short story "The Alchemy Club" to the Summer 2024 issue of The Colored Lens and "Chasing the Dragon" to the anthology Dragons of a Different Tail. His most recent short story, "What's Good for the Goose," appears in the anthology Enchanted Tales & Twisted Lore. He has written extensively for Kirkus Reviews, and his book reviews have also appeared in Esquire.
You can follow him on Bluesky at @Gibknight.bsky.social, but is that really how you want to spend your precious years of life?
Sean is the author of several comic fantasy stories starring Heloise the Bard, including the #1 bestseller The Part About the Dragon Was (Mostly) True (which Publishers Weekly drunkenly gave a starred review), "You Just Can't Hide from Chriskahzaa," and The Chronicle of Heloise & Grimple. He also wrote the Victorian-set fantasy thriller The Camelot Shadow and its prequel short, "The Strange Task Before Me." He contributed the short story "The Alchemy Club" to the Summer 2024 issue of The Colored Lens and "Chasing the Dragon" to the anthology Dragons of a Different Tail. His most recent short story, "What's Good for the Goose," appears in the anthology Enchanted Tales & Twisted Lore. He has written extensively for Kirkus Reviews, and his book reviews have also appeared in Esquire.
You can follow him on Bluesky at @Gibknight.bsky.social, but is that really how you want to spend your precious years of life?
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 85 reviews
December 27, 2016
Small time author, Sean McQueef, does it again!
And by that, I mean he forced me to read another one of his books.
In all quasi-seriousness, this was a funny fucking buddy adventure with a little bit of a Choose Your Own Adventure feel to it.
Eh, don't get too excited. You pretty much had to be there when it came out in serial form to get a say in what happened. <-- Don't feel bad, I wasn't invited, either.
Oh well. sighs
Alright! So (like the title says) these are the Chronicles of Heloise.
A self proclaimed gorgeous half elf, bard extraordinaire,mostly fearless adventurer for hire, and all-around badass chick.
Oh. *cough* And Grimple.
Heloise and Grimple.
A giant, who (in an ill-thought-out card game) lost his magical club, and managed to get himself turned into a gnome (kinda). Then, in an even more ill-thought-out attempted kidnapping, managed to get himself turned into a gross gnome hybridish looking thing with huge hands and an annoying British accent.
Yeah, ouch! Bad luck.
But on the upside, the wizard they tried to abduct is interested enough in the magic it would take to return Grimple to normal, that he agrees to help them on their quest.
Enter Kevil! <--does not rhyme with Evil
And even without any prior adventuring experience, he has a few good ideas concerning how they should go about finding the mage that originally cursed Grimple.
Plus, he's really kick-ass at creating illusions!
And this will come in handy...
Along the way, the trio will attempt to knock over a magical pawn shop, fight a group of religious zealots dressed as Scooby-Doo villains, and meet up with Heloise's longtime booty call...
And much, much more!
But, in actuality, not that much more.
This isn't exactly a Lord of the Rings length novel, after all...
In the interest of complete transparency, I'd like to state that I communicated with this author, using my personal email, and not a secured government server. And I've heard tell of that sort of thing getting people in trouble, so I just thought I'd mention it to be on the safe side.
Loosely translated, that means that McQueef & I are friends.
I know, right?
Sadly, he did not pay me to give this a good review.
Ugh.
shudder
He has that poor person smell clinging to him, if you know what I mean?
So. Yeah.
This was fun! Highly recommended for all fantasy/D&D/WoW geeks out there!
And by that, I mean he forced me to read another one of his books.
In all quasi-seriousness, this was a funny fucking buddy adventure with a little bit of a Choose Your Own Adventure feel to it.
Eh, don't get too excited. You pretty much had to be there when it came out in serial form to get a say in what happened. <-- Don't feel bad, I wasn't invited, either.
Oh well. sighs
Alright! So (like the title says) these are the Chronicles of Heloise.
A self proclaimed gorgeous half elf, bard extraordinaire,
Oh. *cough* And Grimple.
Heloise and Grimple.
A giant, who (in an ill-thought-out card game) lost his magical club, and managed to get himself turned into a gnome (kinda). Then, in an even more ill-thought-out attempted kidnapping, managed to get himself turned into a gross gnome hybridish looking thing with huge hands and an annoying British accent.
Yeah, ouch! Bad luck.
But on the upside, the wizard they tried to abduct is interested enough in the magic it would take to return Grimple to normal, that he agrees to help them on their quest.
Enter Kevil! <--does not rhyme with Evil
And even without any prior adventuring experience, he has a few good ideas concerning how they should go about finding the mage that originally cursed Grimple.
Plus, he's really kick-ass at creating illusions!
And this will come in handy...
Along the way, the trio will attempt to knock over a magical pawn shop, fight a group of religious zealots dressed as Scooby-Doo villains, and meet up with Heloise's longtime booty call...
And much, much more!
But, in actuality, not that much more.
This isn't exactly a Lord of the Rings length novel, after all...
In the interest of complete transparency, I'd like to state that I communicated with this author, using my personal email, and not a secured government server. And I've heard tell of that sort of thing getting people in trouble, so I just thought I'd mention it to be on the safe side.
Loosely translated, that means that McQueef & I are friends.
I know, right?
Sadly, he did not pay me to give this a good review.
Ugh.
shudder
He has that poor person smell clinging to him, if you know what I mean?
So. Yeah.
This was fun! Highly recommended for all fantasy/D&D/WoW geeks out there!
February 8, 2017
Getting adventuring work has been difficult for Heloise ever since her sidekick, Grimple, had his form altered by an angry lich. Normally a hill giant, Grimple now looks like an ailing gnome. The obvious solution to their problem is to set off on a quest to confront the lich and see about returning Grimple to his original form. What starts as a simple journey corkscrews into an adventure of fanciful proportions.
The Chronicle of Heloise and Grimple was first introduced as a serial adventure. At the end of each episode, the author presented two or more options for what happened next, allowing readers to dictate the narrative. Though it's too late to vote on which direction the story goes, the book's early readers made thrilling choices and the exploits of Heloise and Grimple are subsequently laughable and engrossing.
The fantasy world in which the story takes place is brimming with mythical creatures: wizards, bards, giants, orcs, and fairies; along with a slew of new additions such as undead cows, wereowlbears, gribblehumps and more.
Everything is told from the perspective of Heloise, a self-proclaimed sardonic yet classy protagonist. Heloise is a half-elven bard with a magical lute who regularly enhances the narrative with her snarky sense of humor.
I reached into my pack and pulled out a long, winged rod with [. . .] two snake-like pieces of rubber wrapped around it - properly called a caduceus, but only scholars and douche bags call it that, so I'll just call it a long, winged rod with two snake-like pieces of rubber wrapped around it.
In addition to Heloise's endearing attitude, the book offers an abundance of double entendres:
Grimple gestured toward the house and raised an eyebrow as he watched my rod twitch.
Let me rephrase that.
Grimple gestured toward the house and raised an eyebrow as he watched my magical ward detector detect a magical ward. "Don't worry," I said, stuffing the rod deep into my bag (come on, people . . . I can't rephrase everything).
Humor abounds in this satirical compilation of the adventures of a beautiful half-elven bard, a tough hill giant, and a wizard who may or may not have a perverse affinity for amphibians.
Eventually, we arrived outside the gates of Dormenklehs, which is dwarvish for "squatty fort." Dwarves are nothing if not literal-minded, and Dormenklehs was exactly that - a squat, unimpressive fortification that looked like an overweight bullfrog had mated with a stone breadbox.
The Chronicle of Heloise and Grimple was first introduced as a serial adventure. At the end of each episode, the author presented two or more options for what happened next, allowing readers to dictate the narrative. Though it's too late to vote on which direction the story goes, the book's early readers made thrilling choices and the exploits of Heloise and Grimple are subsequently laughable and engrossing.
The fantasy world in which the story takes place is brimming with mythical creatures: wizards, bards, giants, orcs, and fairies; along with a slew of new additions such as undead cows, wereowlbears, gribblehumps and more.
Everything is told from the perspective of Heloise, a self-proclaimed sardonic yet classy protagonist. Heloise is a half-elven bard with a magical lute who regularly enhances the narrative with her snarky sense of humor.
I reached into my pack and pulled out a long, winged rod with [. . .] two snake-like pieces of rubber wrapped around it - properly called a caduceus, but only scholars and douche bags call it that, so I'll just call it a long, winged rod with two snake-like pieces of rubber wrapped around it.
In addition to Heloise's endearing attitude, the book offers an abundance of double entendres:
Grimple gestured toward the house and raised an eyebrow as he watched my rod twitch.
Let me rephrase that.
Grimple gestured toward the house and raised an eyebrow as he watched my magical ward detector detect a magical ward. "Don't worry," I said, stuffing the rod deep into my bag (come on, people . . . I can't rephrase everything).
Humor abounds in this satirical compilation of the adventures of a beautiful half-elven bard, a tough hill giant, and a wizard who may or may not have a perverse affinity for amphibians.
Eventually, we arrived outside the gates of Dormenklehs, which is dwarvish for "squatty fort." Dwarves are nothing if not literal-minded, and Dormenklehs was exactly that - a squat, unimpressive fortification that looked like an overweight bullfrog had mated with a stone breadbox.
January 13, 2021
Have a Kindle? You can get H&G for FREE until Wednesday, January 13. MOVE, people, MOVE! https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B01...
Click here for a preview of the shenanigans.
Reviewed By Hilary Hawkes for Readers’ Favorite
The Chronicle of Heloise and Grimple by Sean Gibson is a fun and entertaining fantasy adventure. Thief turned Bard Heloise, and her hill giant companion, Grimple, must find the lich or wizard who turned Grimple into a bizarre looking creature as payback for crossing him. And Grimple desperately wants his missing club back too. They enlist the help of Kevil, the wizard they kidnap, and set off on a hazardous, hilarious journey. En route they encounter a talking well, bats, dragons, a magically spooky and ghostly shop and eventually The Dwarves of Dormenklehs. The trio has plenty of brilliant plans and magic of their own, but can they overcome the creatures and obstacles that stand in their way?
Sean Gibson’s plot romps along at a wonderfully entertaining pace. I was intrigued and hooked from the start. To me, the story was a cross between a traditional fantasy adventure with magic, spells, challenges and journeys and a hilarious parody. I loved the characters – a lovely mixture of individuals, each one unique and well depicted, and essential to the plot. Heloise's talent for music and singing made her extra interesting and gave a musical flavor to places in the plot. I found the whole adventure delightfully easy to imagine and loved the mix of magic, challenges and funny moments. The story is very much character led as all good stories normally are. The author describes scenes and situations with clarity and enough detail to enable the reader to experience the story, but without slowing down the plot and pace. An enjoyable read and recommended for fans of comedy and fantasy adventures.
Click here for a preview of the shenanigans.
Reviewed By Hilary Hawkes for Readers’ Favorite
The Chronicle of Heloise and Grimple by Sean Gibson is a fun and entertaining fantasy adventure. Thief turned Bard Heloise, and her hill giant companion, Grimple, must find the lich or wizard who turned Grimple into a bizarre looking creature as payback for crossing him. And Grimple desperately wants his missing club back too. They enlist the help of Kevil, the wizard they kidnap, and set off on a hazardous, hilarious journey. En route they encounter a talking well, bats, dragons, a magically spooky and ghostly shop and eventually The Dwarves of Dormenklehs. The trio has plenty of brilliant plans and magic of their own, but can they overcome the creatures and obstacles that stand in their way?
Sean Gibson’s plot romps along at a wonderfully entertaining pace. I was intrigued and hooked from the start. To me, the story was a cross between a traditional fantasy adventure with magic, spells, challenges and journeys and a hilarious parody. I loved the characters – a lovely mixture of individuals, each one unique and well depicted, and essential to the plot. Heloise's talent for music and singing made her extra interesting and gave a musical flavor to places in the plot. I found the whole adventure delightfully easy to imagine and loved the mix of magic, challenges and funny moments. The story is very much character led as all good stories normally are. The author describes scenes and situations with clarity and enough detail to enable the reader to experience the story, but without slowing down the plot and pace. An enjoyable read and recommended for fans of comedy and fantasy adventures.
October 2, 2016
What a funny little tale. I loved all three of the main characters, Heloise, Grimple and Kevil.
Heloise & Grimple are trying to find someone to take the spell off of him that he got while being stupid, basically. He's a hill giant, but not quite any more.
They did find the wizard, Kevil, but the only thing he did was give Grimple his voice back and it was not Grimple's normal voice. It was an annoyingly funny voice.
The group get into some really funny adventures a long the way. They keep you laughing at their antics and it's quite charming <-- in it's own way.
All things to work out, for the most part, I mean how could we carry on without that annoyingly, funny voice I spoke about =)
Let me leave with a couple of excerpts. And I hope to read more adventures of these funny little characters.
I pushed the door open and stopped instantly. While I didn't find it surprising that Kevil sat at the room's small desk, apparently studying his spellbooks, I did find it at least slightly unusual that he was wearing hip-high red vinyl boots with a five-inch heel, and that his legs were (rather uncomfortably, from the looks of it) crossed. Did I mention that he was also wearing a lime-green skirt? Because he was wearing a lime-green skirt.
"Well?" said Kevil defensively. "Get it out and have your fun."
I arched an eyebrow before motioning to a soiled shirt lying on the floor. "Don't be self-conscious--Grimple's a slob, too."
Kevil gave me a quizzical look and started to speak, but I raised a hand to cut him off. "I once knew an elf who like to eat supper wearing nothing but a codpiece. On his upper arm. He said it aided digestion." I shrugged. "What-ever makes you happy makes you happy, my not-so-evil friend. As long as it doesn't involve turning me into something that looks like Grimple, or any kind of amphibian, I'm fine with it."
••••••
Grimple burst into laughter. "A ghost? Do you mean to suggest that a ghost defeated a party of a dozen dwarves? Poppycock."
Tongs looked at Grimple's hands as if for the first time. "What in the flaming flarknark are ye supposed to be?" (A flarknark, incidentally, is a piece of equipment dwarves use when working on a forge. I have no idea what it's for, but I do like how it sounds." "Looks like someone stapled two big giant hands onto the bastard of an ugly orc and a deformed pixie."
•••••••
"It's alright, sweet Helly," interjected Rappy, "ye ask me, gives the smelly bastard a bit o' class." He looked at Grimple. "Ye smell like Clammerbang's arse after a day at the forge, ye know."
I look forward to more adventures from this ragtag crew!
MY BLOG: Melissa Martin's Reading List
Heloise & Grimple are trying to find someone to take the spell off of him that he got while being stupid, basically. He's a hill giant, but not quite any more.
They did find the wizard, Kevil, but the only thing he did was give Grimple his voice back and it was not Grimple's normal voice. It was an annoyingly funny voice.
The group get into some really funny adventures a long the way. They keep you laughing at their antics and it's quite charming <-- in it's own way.
All things to work out, for the most part, I mean how could we carry on without that annoyingly, funny voice I spoke about =)
Let me leave with a couple of excerpts. And I hope to read more adventures of these funny little characters.
I pushed the door open and stopped instantly. While I didn't find it surprising that Kevil sat at the room's small desk, apparently studying his spellbooks, I did find it at least slightly unusual that he was wearing hip-high red vinyl boots with a five-inch heel, and that his legs were (rather uncomfortably, from the looks of it) crossed. Did I mention that he was also wearing a lime-green skirt? Because he was wearing a lime-green skirt.
"Well?" said Kevil defensively. "Get it out and have your fun."
I arched an eyebrow before motioning to a soiled shirt lying on the floor. "Don't be self-conscious--Grimple's a slob, too."
Kevil gave me a quizzical look and started to speak, but I raised a hand to cut him off. "I once knew an elf who like to eat supper wearing nothing but a codpiece. On his upper arm. He said it aided digestion." I shrugged. "What-ever makes you happy makes you happy, my not-so-evil friend. As long as it doesn't involve turning me into something that looks like Grimple, or any kind of amphibian, I'm fine with it."
••••••
Grimple burst into laughter. "A ghost? Do you mean to suggest that a ghost defeated a party of a dozen dwarves? Poppycock."
Tongs looked at Grimple's hands as if for the first time. "What in the flaming flarknark are ye supposed to be?" (A flarknark, incidentally, is a piece of equipment dwarves use when working on a forge. I have no idea what it's for, but I do like how it sounds." "Looks like someone stapled two big giant hands onto the bastard of an ugly orc and a deformed pixie."
•••••••
"It's alright, sweet Helly," interjected Rappy, "ye ask me, gives the smelly bastard a bit o' class." He looked at Grimple. "Ye smell like Clammerbang's arse after a day at the forge, ye know."
I look forward to more adventures from this ragtag crew!
MY BLOG: Melissa Martin's Reading List
February 6, 2017
As I was reading this, I was overwhelmed with the realization that this author should get PAID for writing! He's just that good!
So since he didn't actually gift me a copy of this because I'm just not good enough for his special buddies and pals, I actually paid for it! Never mind the actual order of things. It's not important. I wouldn't want to be caught out in a big fat lie like some demilich or anything.
OH MY GOD this book should be made into a movie! I'd so watch the SHIT out of it unlike a certain *few* other Dungeons and Dragons movies that I can't quite seem to forget unlike my last anniversary.
And truly, if THIS GUY ever made his tabletop sessions available to lowly gamers like me, I'd be ALL OVER his chips. I mean, I'd DRINK all his soda. And even though I'd be scared to death by the possibility he'd try to teach me his made up card games as a break in-between story sessions, I'd put up with it just because he's so awesomely funny. :)
Truly, this has got to be one of the best gaming sessions/choose your own adventure book/rpg-spawn novel that I've had the pleasure to read. Most authors just don't get dialogue. Sean does. Hats off to the singing queen Heloise and the trumpster of all ensorcelled hill giants! Such cute, tiny hands. :)
Seriously, I loved all of the easter eggs. I think they and the dialogue nailed the fucking shit out of the novel. :) Kudos! :)
So since he didn't actually gift me a copy of this because I'm just not good enough for his special buddies and pals, I actually paid for it! Never mind the actual order of things. It's not important. I wouldn't want to be caught out in a big fat lie like some demilich or anything.
OH MY GOD this book should be made into a movie! I'd so watch the SHIT out of it unlike a certain *few* other Dungeons and Dragons movies that I can't quite seem to forget unlike my last anniversary.
And truly, if THIS GUY ever made his tabletop sessions available to lowly gamers like me, I'd be ALL OVER his chips. I mean, I'd DRINK all his soda. And even though I'd be scared to death by the possibility he'd try to teach me his made up card games as a break in-between story sessions, I'd put up with it just because he's so awesomely funny. :)
Truly, this has got to be one of the best gaming sessions/choose your own adventure book/rpg-spawn novel that I've had the pleasure to read. Most authors just don't get dialogue. Sean does. Hats off to the singing queen Heloise and the trumpster of all ensorcelled hill giants! Such cute, tiny hands. :)
Seriously, I loved all of the easter eggs. I think they and the dialogue nailed the fucking shit out of the novel. :) Kudos! :)
July 12, 2017
*** 4.35 ***
Hahaha! I have to say, I did not expect that! I knew it would be funny, but it was more than that. It was a joyous rollicking Fantasy Adventure, which was able to free me from the depressed and bleak mood my current reads of "The Magicians" and "Chaos Walking" had put me into... I think if I had picked up one more book trying to explain to me how empty and hopeless human existence is and how our childhood dreams only set us up for perpetual unhappiness and failure, I was going to give up reading for EVER!!! Well, maybe not ever ever, maybe the ever of a week... Or a day, that could feel like forever, right? No, I couldn't do that, but at least couple of hours I would most probably, for sure, have stayed away from reading... (that does not include audio-books, right?). .. I have a problem, I know, but I have admitted to it in several Bookoholics anonymous meetings already, so I feel good about myself:) But I digress...
"...“Bards don’t believe in goodbyes—we know that the roads we walk are winding, and we generally tend to come back to people and places we’ve known and been before, and often at just the right time.” I smiled. “We’ll meet again.” ..."
The Bard, my favorite Fantasy Hero, in this case is a half-Elf lady with very good self-esteem! I wish I could see only the positives in my character, so right there I knew, she is going to be my personal role-model! Heloise wields a mean verse and her stabby friend Stabby with equal flawlessness and authority. Her partner, usually big and intimidating Hill Giant Grimple with even bigger club Banger, has been bespelled by an undead wizard and now all of his minimal brain power resides in the very unattractive and less then intimidating body of a Gnome, while at the same time loosing his Banger in a card game...
"...“Heloise: a clever, beautiful, honey-voiced, silver-tongued bard of exceptional, perhaps unparalleled, skill Grimple: a smarter-than-average hill giant (which isn’t saying much, because he’s still pretty much an idiot)” ..."
These unfortunate circumstances have led to the team of professional adventurers not being able to take on jobs that actually pay, so they decide to go on a quest to get the spell removed, the Giant Banger back in Grimple's hands and more material for bardley tales.
"...“Interestingly, it’s not because he enjoys the sight of human ladies grinding against shiny metal poles…he actually just admires the poles, and is always trying to talk the owners of such establishments into giving him one to take as a weapon. Grimple is a bit off, even for a hill giant.” ..."
So, they set off to find a wizard, who in this case may or may not be evil and may or may not have problems with capitalization... Kevil does have interesting taste in fashion though... After deciding that having a powerful weapon with them was imperative, they decide to have one of several side-quests and get the club next.
"...“Men. They stick together like gelatinous cubes in a narrow dungeon hallway. “Oh, Kevil, I’m nothing without my big, giant Banger!” “Oh, Grimple, you poor, unmanned, hideous excuse for a former hill giant—we must reclaim your manhood posthaste!” “Oh, thank you, Kevil—grab your oversized staff and let’s go compensate together!” ..."
Eventually we got dangerous fights with vampires, demons, wishing wells, groping Gnomes, zombies, undead creatures of different varieties, picked up a sexy dwarf and possibly battled a flock of ghosts. Overall, this book did not stop to rest even when some of the readers, hm, heroes, desperately needed a snack. Not only did our valiant protagonists manage to survive the numerous times they threw themselves in or fell into mortal danger, but they did it with sass and flair worthy of a much more popular and critically acclaimed Epic Novel. So, if you find yourselves drowning in Dystopia, Grim-Dark and Post-Apocalyptic Hell, much as I did of late, and just need something smart, cheeky and silly, created purely for laughs and entertainment, and if you have in any way read, watched, listened to, or just been in the vicinity of a Fantasy Novel, this book is for you! It is hilarious and it will make you laugh, I guarantee it!!!
"...“I once knew an elf who liked to eat supper wearing nothing but a codpiece. On his upper arm. He said it aided digestion.” I shrugged. “Whatever makes you happy makes you happy, my not-so-evil friend. As long as it doesn’t involve turning me into something that looks like Grimple, or any kind of amphibian, I’m fine with.” ..."
Now I wish you all Happy Reading and many more wonderful books to come!
Hahaha! I have to say, I did not expect that! I knew it would be funny, but it was more than that. It was a joyous rollicking Fantasy Adventure, which was able to free me from the depressed and bleak mood my current reads of "The Magicians" and "Chaos Walking" had put me into... I think if I had picked up one more book trying to explain to me how empty and hopeless human existence is and how our childhood dreams only set us up for perpetual unhappiness and failure, I was going to give up reading for EVER!!! Well, maybe not ever ever, maybe the ever of a week... Or a day, that could feel like forever, right? No, I couldn't do that, but at least couple of hours I would most probably, for sure, have stayed away from reading... (that does not include audio-books, right?). .. I have a problem, I know, but I have admitted to it in several Bookoholics anonymous meetings already, so I feel good about myself:) But I digress...
"...“Bards don’t believe in goodbyes—we know that the roads we walk are winding, and we generally tend to come back to people and places we’ve known and been before, and often at just the right time.” I smiled. “We’ll meet again.” ..."
The Bard, my favorite Fantasy Hero, in this case is a half-Elf lady with very good self-esteem! I wish I could see only the positives in my character, so right there I knew, she is going to be my personal role-model! Heloise wields a mean verse and her stabby friend Stabby with equal flawlessness and authority. Her partner, usually big and intimidating Hill Giant Grimple with even bigger club Banger, has been bespelled by an undead wizard and now all of his minimal brain power resides in the very unattractive and less then intimidating body of a Gnome, while at the same time loosing his Banger in a card game...
"...“Heloise: a clever, beautiful, honey-voiced, silver-tongued bard of exceptional, perhaps unparalleled, skill Grimple: a smarter-than-average hill giant (which isn’t saying much, because he’s still pretty much an idiot)” ..."
These unfortunate circumstances have led to the team of professional adventurers not being able to take on jobs that actually pay, so they decide to go on a quest to get the spell removed, the Giant Banger back in Grimple's hands and more material for bardley tales.
"...“Interestingly, it’s not because he enjoys the sight of human ladies grinding against shiny metal poles…he actually just admires the poles, and is always trying to talk the owners of such establishments into giving him one to take as a weapon. Grimple is a bit off, even for a hill giant.” ..."
So, they set off to find a wizard, who in this case may or may not be evil and may or may not have problems with capitalization... Kevil does have interesting taste in fashion though... After deciding that having a powerful weapon with them was imperative, they decide to have one of several side-quests and get the club next.
"...“Men. They stick together like gelatinous cubes in a narrow dungeon hallway. “Oh, Kevil, I’m nothing without my big, giant Banger!” “Oh, Grimple, you poor, unmanned, hideous excuse for a former hill giant—we must reclaim your manhood posthaste!” “Oh, thank you, Kevil—grab your oversized staff and let’s go compensate together!” ..."
Eventually we got dangerous fights with vampires, demons, wishing wells, groping Gnomes, zombies, undead creatures of different varieties, picked up a sexy dwarf and possibly battled a flock of ghosts. Overall, this book did not stop to rest even when some of the readers, hm, heroes, desperately needed a snack. Not only did our valiant protagonists manage to survive the numerous times they threw themselves in or fell into mortal danger, but they did it with sass and flair worthy of a much more popular and critically acclaimed Epic Novel. So, if you find yourselves drowning in Dystopia, Grim-Dark and Post-Apocalyptic Hell, much as I did of late, and just need something smart, cheeky and silly, created purely for laughs and entertainment, and if you have in any way read, watched, listened to, or just been in the vicinity of a Fantasy Novel, this book is for you! It is hilarious and it will make you laugh, I guarantee it!!!
"...“I once knew an elf who liked to eat supper wearing nothing but a codpiece. On his upper arm. He said it aided digestion.” I shrugged. “Whatever makes you happy makes you happy, my not-so-evil friend. As long as it doesn’t involve turning me into something that looks like Grimple, or any kind of amphibian, I’m fine with.” ..."
Now I wish you all Happy Reading and many more wonderful books to come!
November 28, 2016
Lord of the Rings? Crap, compared to the genius of this story. I mean, come on, a bunch of little people and ugly creatures fighting over a piece of jewelry? What a waste of time.
If you want a real epic journey story, you need this. And, I'm not biased at all. Just because I happen to think Sean is the funniest person on the internet and that his writing is comparable to a thousand tiny fairies kissing my cheeks, doesn't mean I can't give him a fair review. Nope. I'm in no way overstating anything when I say that if Hollywood turned this into a movie, it would sweep the Academy Awards, and yet it still wouldn't be as good as the book.
Pretentious hipster dog is right. The book is ALWAYS better...
So, much like the sub-standard LOTR, this is a journey story set in a fantasy world. Heloise is a half-elf and is almost as awesome as she thinks she is. Apparently, she also has a perky butt. Her adventure partner, Grimple, has a problem: he was turned into a weak-looking gnome when he is actually a hill giant, so they set out to find a way to alleviate his curse and turn him back into the ugly giant that he should be. They meet up with a very non-evil wizard, Kevil, who may or may not be a cross-dresser. Kevil tries to help Grimple, but instead gives him a horrible British accent that would annoy anyone to the point of deciding to use violence against him. So, now it's the three of them who set out on an adventure. Much hilarity ensues. And side quests. Don't forget the importance of side quests.
are they funny side quests? Then, yes, yes I am...
To say that you need this book is like saying that you need air and water. In other words, duh! Of course you need it! You need to laugh, don't you? Your life sucks, doesn't it? Then, let it suck just a little bit less while you are reading this story. You will thank me later. Hopefully with chocolate.
If you want a real epic journey story, you need this. And, I'm not biased at all. Just because I happen to think Sean is the funniest person on the internet and that his writing is comparable to a thousand tiny fairies kissing my cheeks, doesn't mean I can't give him a fair review. Nope. I'm in no way overstating anything when I say that if Hollywood turned this into a movie, it would sweep the Academy Awards, and yet it still wouldn't be as good as the book.
Pretentious hipster dog is right. The book is ALWAYS better...
So, much like the sub-standard LOTR, this is a journey story set in a fantasy world. Heloise is a half-elf and is almost as awesome as she thinks she is. Apparently, she also has a perky butt. Her adventure partner, Grimple, has a problem: he was turned into a weak-looking gnome when he is actually a hill giant, so they set out to find a way to alleviate his curse and turn him back into the ugly giant that he should be. They meet up with a very non-evil wizard, Kevil, who may or may not be a cross-dresser. Kevil tries to help Grimple, but instead gives him a horrible British accent that would annoy anyone to the point of deciding to use violence against him. So, now it's the three of them who set out on an adventure. Much hilarity ensues. And side quests. Don't forget the importance of side quests.
are they funny side quests? Then, yes, yes I am...
To say that you need this book is like saying that you need air and water. In other words, duh! Of course you need it! You need to laugh, don't you? Your life sucks, doesn't it? Then, let it suck just a little bit less while you are reading this story. You will thank me later. Hopefully with chocolate.
April 4, 2017
This little gem is my first serial adventure book. It is a slightly different read from a novel, and those differences threw me off at first. But the moment I've got comfortable in the writing, I was in love! And banging my head around because I've missed the chance to affect the characters' decisions. I wanted interactions with the undead cows!
The story is about a half elf but all woman bard ,Eloise, and a hill giant stuck in a gnome body who is the village idiot ,Grimple, and a chubby wizard right out of his basement ,Kevil, going on a quest. The process of making a decision throughout the entire quest is;
It was hilarious from start to end, ridiculous but real at the same time. At least it felt real to me with the beautiful writing turning the words into pictures inside of my head.
Characters were surprisingly lovable. I am saying surprisingly because after listening Eloise praising herself nonstop, I should have wanted to hit her on the mouth with a shovel. And I have no doubt that if she was a real life person I'd have to take a long vacation in a jail cell due to stabby actions but as a book character I adored her. She won me over on the second page with "I raised an eyebrow. A raised eyebrow, when used properly, is a powerful gesture—sardonic, yet still classy. Not unlike myself." , and was my new book BFF not long after!
Hail to the power of the eyebrows!
Grimple was the prime example of why the phrase facepalm was created. But that accent with the looks killed me! Serious mindfuck.
I liked Kevil but while he didn't feel forced into the story, he still didn't have much presence.
There were some repetitive phrases. Repetition makes me slightly annoyed and by slightly I mean; I want to bathe in blood. But taking into consideration that this was a serial before turning into a book, I shall refrain from being a bloodthirsty harpy.
All in all the book was a great adventure. I would love to read more about our heroes. And of course undead cows!
The story is about a half elf but all woman bard ,Eloise, and a hill giant stuck in a gnome body who is the village idiot ,Grimple, and a chubby wizard right out of his basement ,Kevil, going on a quest. The process of making a decision throughout the entire quest is;
It was hilarious from start to end, ridiculous but real at the same time. At least it felt real to me with the beautiful writing turning the words into pictures inside of my head.
Characters were surprisingly lovable. I am saying surprisingly because after listening Eloise praising herself nonstop, I should have wanted to hit her on the mouth with a shovel. And I have no doubt that if she was a real life person I'd have to take a long vacation in a jail cell due to stabby actions but as a book character I adored her. She won me over on the second page with "I raised an eyebrow. A raised eyebrow, when used properly, is a powerful gesture—sardonic, yet still classy. Not unlike myself." , and was my new book BFF not long after!
Hail to the power of the eyebrows!
Grimple was the prime example of why the phrase facepalm was created. But that accent with the looks killed me! Serious mindfuck.
I liked Kevil but while he didn't feel forced into the story, he still didn't have much presence.
There were some repetitive phrases. Repetition makes me slightly annoyed and by slightly I mean; I want to bathe in blood. But taking into consideration that this was a serial before turning into a book, I shall refrain from being a bloodthirsty harpy.
All in all the book was a great adventure. I would love to read more about our heroes. And of course undead cows!
March 20, 2017
Originally reviewed at Bookwraiths.
My rating is 3.5 stars.
A short, quirky story originally published online as a chose-your-own-adventure serial The Chronicle of Heloise & Grimple is a return to a simpler side of fantasy, where the whole point of the trip was to have fun. And if a reader opens up Chronicle with that single-minded pursuit in mind, they will find themselves completely entertained.
The leaders of our twisting, turning, and rather ridiculous (at times) adventures is Heloise, her comaapnion Grimple, and a hedge wizard named Kevil they pick up along the way. All of these guys caught up in a quest to remove a curse from Grimple; this hill giant having pissed off the wrong sort of wizard and now living his life as a sickly gnome. But, naturally, turning old Grimple back into his normal self isn’t easy, and the trio bumble into one hilarious encounter after another, as they slowly trudge along the path to quest completion.
Since Sean Gibson himself admits “[t]he Chronicle is intended to be both homage to and satire of the fantasy stories and games” he grew up reading and playing, it should come as no surprise that this story is all about poking fun at fantasy tropes and getting the most laughs out of the absurdity of it all. Which means there is no angst here. Grimness is not allowed. Realism is scoffed at. Darkness be gone! Hell, serious of any sort is frowned upon. Instead, wittiness, silliness, and humor are the rule by Jove.
But does it work, you ask?
Yes. For the most part. Chronicle is truly a delightfully funny adventure story fully of outrageous laughs and ridiculous encounters. Monty Pythin-esque if you will. And if that is something which you enjoy, you should pick this book up and give it a try.
As for criticisms, I really don’t feel a need to point out minor problems I had with the narrative. Sean Gibson promised fantasy humor and outrageous fun with Chronicle, and that is exactly what he delivers, so why be nitpicky.
Overall, The Chronicle of Heloise & Grimple is a fast-paced, rollicking adventure big on silliness and lighthearted laughs at fantasy tropes expense, filled with action, and even including pictures (All great books have illustrations, you know). What that all means is if your looking for some fun in your fantasy, then Chronicle might be the first stop on your quest.
I received an advanced reading copy of this book from the author in exchange for a fair and honest review. I’d like to thank him for allowing me to receive this review copy and inform everyone that the review you have read is my opinion alone.
My rating is 3.5 stars.
A short, quirky story originally published online as a chose-your-own-adventure serial The Chronicle of Heloise & Grimple is a return to a simpler side of fantasy, where the whole point of the trip was to have fun. And if a reader opens up Chronicle with that single-minded pursuit in mind, they will find themselves completely entertained.
The leaders of our twisting, turning, and rather ridiculous (at times) adventures is Heloise, her comaapnion Grimple, and a hedge wizard named Kevil they pick up along the way. All of these guys caught up in a quest to remove a curse from Grimple; this hill giant having pissed off the wrong sort of wizard and now living his life as a sickly gnome. But, naturally, turning old Grimple back into his normal self isn’t easy, and the trio bumble into one hilarious encounter after another, as they slowly trudge along the path to quest completion.
Since Sean Gibson himself admits “[t]he Chronicle is intended to be both homage to and satire of the fantasy stories and games” he grew up reading and playing, it should come as no surprise that this story is all about poking fun at fantasy tropes and getting the most laughs out of the absurdity of it all. Which means there is no angst here. Grimness is not allowed. Realism is scoffed at. Darkness be gone! Hell, serious of any sort is frowned upon. Instead, wittiness, silliness, and humor are the rule by Jove.
But does it work, you ask?
Yes. For the most part. Chronicle is truly a delightfully funny adventure story fully of outrageous laughs and ridiculous encounters. Monty Pythin-esque if you will. And if that is something which you enjoy, you should pick this book up and give it a try.
As for criticisms, I really don’t feel a need to point out minor problems I had with the narrative. Sean Gibson promised fantasy humor and outrageous fun with Chronicle, and that is exactly what he delivers, so why be nitpicky.
Overall, The Chronicle of Heloise & Grimple is a fast-paced, rollicking adventure big on silliness and lighthearted laughs at fantasy tropes expense, filled with action, and even including pictures (All great books have illustrations, you know). What that all means is if your looking for some fun in your fantasy, then Chronicle might be the first stop on your quest.
I received an advanced reading copy of this book from the author in exchange for a fair and honest review. I’d like to thank him for allowing me to receive this review copy and inform everyone that the review you have read is my opinion alone.
April 21, 2017
Dear Seanilicious,
This was a glorious adventure. Much like any and all Nic Cage movies.
Seriously though, have you seen Deadfall? It's theworst best movie, ever. Everyone else plays their characters straight and then there's my mate Nic just going full retard on his character, it's fucking epic. But anyway..... I digress.....
Let's talk about the book!
❤ LOVES ❤
This book made me wish I could be a half-elf bard called Heloise when I grow up.
Heloise is my homegirl. Lady got mad skillz. I chuckled out loud on public transport many a time whilst reading this wonderful adventure. Heloise's inner monologue and her banter with her fellow adventurers was excellent.
Grimple was great. I really appreciate all the references to Grimple's *club* that you put in there, Seanilicious. You're simply gagging for me to write more fanfiction, aren't you?
This story was very well paced and took believable turns, thanks in part to the readers of the serial right here on Goodreads. I managed to cast my vote in a few chapters and it was really nice to be able to see the way the story came to life thanks to the input of Sean's legion of rabid fans.
There's enough social commentary in here to show you the moral compass of the man behind the creation, one of my favourite truth bombs as follows:
This was my face when I realised I had come to the end of the book:
But then this was my face when I read that there is going to be a sequel....
A thoroughly enjoyable adventure, I can't wait for more from my love Heloise.
If there was a self-love scene and some mint-chocolate-chip ice cream in this it would have been five stars. Something to focus on next time around perhaps, Seanilicious?
4 is-the-technical-term-actually-a-grope-of-orcs? Stars
I am friends with Seanilicious here on Goodreads. This has not influenced my rating in any way as I was not bribed with mint-chocolate-chip ice cream. I also happily paid money for this bad boy, because I'm all about supporting indie authors. I will read any and all the words you write, Sean. Much love.
This was a glorious adventure. Much like any and all Nic Cage movies.
Seriously though, have you seen Deadfall? It's the
Let's talk about the book!
❤ LOVES ❤
This book made me wish I could be a half-elf bard called Heloise when I grow up.
Heloise is my homegirl. Lady got mad skillz. I chuckled out loud on public transport many a time whilst reading this wonderful adventure. Heloise's inner monologue and her banter with her fellow adventurers was excellent.
Grimple was great. I really appreciate all the references to Grimple's *club* that you put in there, Seanilicious. You're simply gagging for me to write more fanfiction, aren't you?
This story was very well paced and took believable turns, thanks in part to the readers of the serial right here on Goodreads. I managed to cast my vote in a few chapters and it was really nice to be able to see the way the story came to life thanks to the input of Sean's legion of rabid fans.
There's enough social commentary in here to show you the moral compass of the man behind the creation, one of my favourite truth bombs as follows:
"Your overly simplistic binary gender constructs place too many constraints on what and who we are and can be."
This was my face when I realised I had come to the end of the book:
But then this was my face when I read that there is going to be a sequel....
A thoroughly enjoyable adventure, I can't wait for more from my love Heloise.
If there was a self-love scene and some mint-chocolate-chip ice cream in this it would have been five stars. Something to focus on next time around perhaps, Seanilicious?
4 is-the-technical-term-actually-a-grope-of-orcs? Stars
I am friends with Seanilicious here on Goodreads. This has not influenced my rating in any way as I was not bribed with mint-chocolate-chip ice cream. I also happily paid money for this bad boy, because I'm all about supporting indie authors. I will read any and all the words you write, Sean. Much love.
September 30, 2016
BWAHAHAHAHAHA!
What can I say about this great adventure?! Well, first of all: THANK YOU to the author for my free copy - that, however, will not stop me from buying another since all proceeds from the first 150 copies sold of The Chronicle of Heloise & Grimple will be donated to ProLiteracy (www.proliteracy.org), an organization that promotes adult literacy through content development, programs, and advocacy. Is that great or what?! Yeah, that's our Sean-y-boy, too good for this world (yes, I consider myself a friend of this wonderfully dark-humoured writer so me calling him Sean-y-boy is absolutely allowed; no, that has not influenced me in my review).
Secondly, it has to be mentioned that this story started some time ago as some form of webseries. The author posted the installments here on Goodreads and we readers could vote on how to proceed at the end of each. That was a load of fun (just like all the dorky comments from other people who are as crazy and enthusiastic as I am)! :D
So what is this story about, you ask?
Well, we have a bard, Heloise, and what should be a hill giant, Grimple. The latter is in a bit of trouble with his physical appearance which puts Heloise in difficulty too. Thus, they embark on a journey to overcome Grimple's trouble but as these things usually go, they stumble from one little (and very funny) adventure into another.
As with most such stories, the journey itself is what's great, not the outcome. Wait, that doesn't sound right. I didn't mean that I didn't like the ending, because I did (this sardonic author made us wait for the final installment until the ebook was published - you'll get what's coming for you for that, Sean)! But I'm always sad when such a quest is over and we say goodbye (or not) to characters I have been reading about for a while, so I prefer the middle part.
What is clearly discernible is that the author loves fantasy novels (and knows quite a few too or at least the movie adaptations, or the PC games - he's a fellow dork) from how he wrote this story that is often a parody, but just as often also a nod to great fantasy adventure stories.
Rounding off this "Chronicle" are a few illustrations from friends/fans and they are really cool! My favourite definitely is the one showingSean Kevil in the red boots (although I always pictured Kevil to be older and bearded) - those eyebrows are perfect real-life representations - but they were all great and the different styles somehow fitted this mismatched band of adventurers (in the story, not the artists, although those too, maybe). ;P
And then we get the cool picture of the author in the skydiving gear. *lol*
I really hope this wasn't the last we were allowed to read from Heloise and Grimple because I'm a huge FAHOG (if you don't know what that means, SHAME ON YOU, and remedy that immediately) but I'm aware that we're about to get other great works first!
@Sean: About the name Grimple, you never answered my question in a long-ago posted comment - was the name inspired by the pimple or Pathfinder or is it pure coincidence?
@artists: A huge thank you to the following gifted people for their contributions:
Paul Selman, maker of gorgeous owls and, in this case, hill giants. Bret Bowman (don't know him but that doesn't stop me), Laura Probst (don't know her either but she drew my favourite image) and Jeff Yates (not the Jeff I thought but that is actually a good thing because if everyone here but me was artistically talented, I'd get depressed).
What can I say about this great adventure?! Well, first of all: THANK YOU to the author for my free copy - that, however, will not stop me from buying another since all proceeds from the first 150 copies sold of The Chronicle of Heloise & Grimple will be donated to ProLiteracy (www.proliteracy.org), an organization that promotes adult literacy through content development, programs, and advocacy. Is that great or what?! Yeah, that's our Sean-y-boy, too good for this world (yes, I consider myself a friend of this wonderfully dark-humoured writer so me calling him Sean-y-boy is absolutely allowed; no, that has not influenced me in my review).
Secondly, it has to be mentioned that this story started some time ago as some form of webseries. The author posted the installments here on Goodreads and we readers could vote on how to proceed at the end of each. That was a load of fun (just like all the dorky comments from other people who are as crazy and enthusiastic as I am)! :D
So what is this story about, you ask?
Well, we have a bard, Heloise, and what should be a hill giant, Grimple. The latter is in a bit of trouble with his physical appearance which puts Heloise in difficulty too. Thus, they embark on a journey to overcome Grimple's trouble but as these things usually go, they stumble from one little (and very funny) adventure into another.
As with most such stories, the journey itself is what's great, not the outcome. Wait, that doesn't sound right. I didn't mean that I didn't like the ending, because I did (this sardonic author made us wait for the final installment until the ebook was published - you'll get what's coming for you for that, Sean)! But I'm always sad when such a quest is over and we say goodbye (or not) to characters I have been reading about for a while, so I prefer the middle part.
What is clearly discernible is that the author loves fantasy novels (and knows quite a few too or at least the movie adaptations, or the PC games - he's a fellow dork) from how he wrote this story that is often a parody, but just as often also a nod to great fantasy adventure stories.
Rounding off this "Chronicle" are a few illustrations from friends/fans and they are really cool! My favourite definitely is the one showing
And then we get the cool picture of the author in the skydiving gear. *lol*
I really hope this wasn't the last we were allowed to read from Heloise and Grimple because I'm a huge FAHOG (if you don't know what that means, SHAME ON YOU, and remedy that immediately) but I'm aware that we're about to get other great works first!
@Sean: About the name Grimple, you never answered my question in a long-ago posted comment - was the name inspired by the pimple or Pathfinder or is it pure coincidence?
@artists: A huge thank you to the following gifted people for their contributions:
Paul Selman, maker of gorgeous owls and, in this case, hill giants. Bret Bowman (don't know him but that doesn't stop me), Laura Probst (don't know her either but she drew my favourite image) and Jeff Yates (not the Jeff I thought but that is actually a good thing because if everyone here but me was artistically talented, I'd get depressed).
June 23, 2017
Pip, pip! What fun! I really enjoyed this serial adventure. It’s the first one that I have read and I loved it! A really great and entertaining tale.
I enjoyed how Sean Gibson wrote this book, the quest the characters go on and all the misadventures that happen. The humor in this book was fantastic! I laughed multiple times while reading.
I loved all the characters from Heloise, Grimple, Kevil to Rappy. They each have their own personalities and quirks. The writing was well done on characterization!
The story starts off with Heloise and Grimple going on a quest to find the lich that put a spell on Grimple. Heloise is a half elf/human bard that is hilarious, adventurous and witty. And a whole lot sarcastic. My type of woman, err, elf.
Grimple is a hill giant, full on idiot but fantastic at fights and brawls. He plays a card game against a lich, or undead creature that’s a powerful magician. Obviously, he lost the card game because he’s presently stuck in a gnome body.
Hence the need for a quest! *cue the trumpets* Get Grimple his body back!
As the story goes along, they meet Kevil, the evil wizard. He’s not quite evil, but a somewhat competent all around decent wizard. Good stuff. I really enjoyed all three of these characters.
And as the story continues, you'll meet Rappy and his rag-tag gang of dwarfs. Excellent characterization with all of them.
One of the best lines in the book:
I’d have gotten away with it too, if it hadn’t been for you meddling outsiders!
I hope there will be a second book in the tales of Heloise and Grimple.
Sean, do you hear me?! SEAN?! Hello? Sean, are you out there? Write another book!! It really was fantastic. Well done my friend.
I enjoyed how Sean Gibson wrote this book, the quest the characters go on and all the misadventures that happen. The humor in this book was fantastic! I laughed multiple times while reading.
I loved all the characters from Heloise, Grimple, Kevil to Rappy. They each have their own personalities and quirks. The writing was well done on characterization!
The story starts off with Heloise and Grimple going on a quest to find the lich that put a spell on Grimple. Heloise is a half elf/human bard that is hilarious, adventurous and witty. And a whole lot sarcastic. My type of woman, err, elf.
Grimple is a hill giant, full on idiot but fantastic at fights and brawls. He plays a card game against a lich, or undead creature that’s a powerful magician. Obviously, he lost the card game because he’s presently stuck in a gnome body.
Hence the need for a quest! *cue the trumpets* Get Grimple his body back!
As the story goes along, they meet Kevil, the evil wizard. He’s not quite evil, but a somewhat competent all around decent wizard. Good stuff. I really enjoyed all three of these characters.
And as the story continues, you'll meet Rappy and his rag-tag gang of dwarfs. Excellent characterization with all of them.
One of the best lines in the book:
I’d have gotten away with it too, if it hadn’t been for you meddling outsiders!
I hope there will be a second book in the tales of Heloise and Grimple.
Sean, do you hear me?! SEAN?! Hello? Sean, are you out there? Write another book!! It really was fantastic. Well done my friend.
April 27, 2018
This made me smile frequently, made me think of playing D&D back in the eighties. Turn on the Blue Oyster Cult, pick up an Icee at 7-11 and roll a twenty-sided dice.
I’ll concede that this may be for fans of the fantasy genre and more particularly for those of us fortunate enough to have played through Tomb of Horrors and The Keep on the Borderlands. Gibson is able to capture that improvisational narrative quality so common to the best of the games back then. He told a good story, rooted fairly in Gygax lore, but also kept it fun, I laughed several times.
A flirty half elven bard and an illusion cursed hill giant go adventuring and get into lots of trouble. Magic, dwarves, caves and dungeons, and a lich. And a Scooby Doo reference! Ruh Roh!
Is he the next Terry Pratchett? Don’t know about that but I’d be happy to read more from him. Good times.
I’ll concede that this may be for fans of the fantasy genre and more particularly for those of us fortunate enough to have played through Tomb of Horrors and The Keep on the Borderlands. Gibson is able to capture that improvisational narrative quality so common to the best of the games back then. He told a good story, rooted fairly in Gygax lore, but also kept it fun, I laughed several times.
A flirty half elven bard and an illusion cursed hill giant go adventuring and get into lots of trouble. Magic, dwarves, caves and dungeons, and a lich. And a Scooby Doo reference! Ruh Roh!
Is he the next Terry Pratchett? Don’t know about that but I’d be happy to read more from him. Good times.
February 13, 2017
WARNING: Gifs overloaded.
Because...
Because I CAN.
Sean said:
I think we all know what pill I took...
*
*
*
Geeez.
Not very subtle, was he?
Anyways, this story is about the adventures of Heloise, our perky, smart mouth and buxom thief turned Bard and her companion, Eejit Grimple, a hill giant who was very unfortunate getting turned into something entirely different because of idiocy.
Along their hilarious journey, they've abducted a wizard called, Kevil, which by the way rhymes with bevel not evil.
Take note, people, because he can be really sensitive.
Anyhoo, Kevin has a thing for blankets.
Naaaaaw, he's not that powerful and clever.
It's for poop protection from this little guys.
Apparently, these winged creatures love pooping on everything.
Let's not discount his abilities though, our talented author made sure that he will be useful in this epic journey.
Kevil, the not evil, possibly incompetent, eminently sensible wizard can cast illusion spells.
“I knew it was illusory.” He smiled.
“Illusions are kind of my specialty.”
So back to the review, these 3 embarked on this spectacular journey to find the lich or wizard or a reverse enchantment that can turn / who turned Grimple into a bizarre (hideous included?.... maybe?) looking creature.
Their journey had taken them everywhere and anywhere.
They were tested, challenged but fought their way out using their brilliant plans, skills and magic and won each one of them.
The question is though, would they overcome and succeed their ultimate quest to return Grimple to his normal old self?
Well, you will have to read this ridiculously hilarious story to find out.
Also here are the 2 other reasons why this is a winner:
1) By buying it, you're helping (www.proliteracy.org), an organization that promotes adult literacy.
2) Also, this was written by Sean Gibson, yes, but it was his friends, fans, readers that drove the story.
You see, at the end of each chapter, Sean gives choices. Choices that would lead to where our main characters go for their next part of journey and I was glad that I was able to have my say the first few chapters.
That was fun.
I felt that Sean wrote this not just for us but with us and I'm sure the others who casted their votes would agree to what I said.
To end this review, Neo's name was rearranged in Matrix and became
Settle down, everyone.
We all know Sean isn't the one, but I would like to jumble up his name...you know, for fun.
*
*
*
*gasps*
Uhm, Highly debatable.
Rating this 4 Adore-this-author's-brilliant-work Stars
Ink drops: Full disclosure: Sean and I are friends here on GRs. The rating I gave has got nothing to do with our friendship. Also, I intentionally paid for this as it would profit an organisation.
Because...
Because I CAN.
Sean said:
I think we all know what pill I took...
*
*
*
Geeez.
Not very subtle, was he?
Anyways, this story is about the adventures of Heloise, our perky, smart mouth and buxom thief turned Bard and her companion,
Along their hilarious journey, they've abducted a wizard called, Kevil, which by the way rhymes with bevel not evil.
Take note, people, because he can be really sensitive.
Anyhoo, Kevin has a thing for blankets.
Naaaaaw, he's not that powerful and clever.
It's for poop protection from this little guys.
Apparently, these winged creatures love pooping on everything.
Let's not discount his abilities though, our talented author made sure that he will be useful in this epic journey.
Kevil, the not evil, possibly incompetent, eminently sensible wizard can cast illusion spells.
“I knew it was illusory.” He smiled.
“Illusions are kind of my specialty.”
So back to the review, these 3 embarked on this spectacular journey to find the lich or wizard or a reverse enchantment that can turn / who turned Grimple into a bizarre (hideous included?.... maybe?) looking creature.
Their journey had taken them everywhere and anywhere.
They were tested, challenged but fought their way out using their brilliant plans, skills and magic and won each one of them.
The question is though, would they overcome and succeed their ultimate quest to return Grimple to his normal old self?
Well, you will have to read this ridiculously hilarious story to find out.
Also here are the 2 other reasons why this is a winner:
1) By buying it, you're helping (www.proliteracy.org), an organization that promotes adult literacy.
2) Also, this was written by Sean Gibson, yes, but it was his friends, fans, readers that drove the story.
You see, at the end of each chapter, Sean gives choices. Choices that would lead to where our main characters go for their next part of journey and I was glad that I was able to have my say the first few chapters.
That was fun.
I felt that Sean wrote this not just for us but with us and I'm sure the others who casted their votes would agree to what I said.
To end this review, Neo's name was rearranged in Matrix and became
Settle down, everyone.
We all know Sean isn't the one, but I would like to jumble up his name...you know, for fun.
*
*
*
*gasps*
Uhm, Highly debatable.
Rating this 4 Adore-this-author's-brilliant-work Stars
Ink drops: Full disclosure: Sean and I are friends here on GRs. The rating I gave has got nothing to do with our friendship. Also, I intentionally paid for this as it would profit an organisation.
November 4, 2016
Adventurers Heloise and Grimple are in a career slump, thanks to an evil spell that transformed giant Grimple into a non-intimidating shape. How far will they go to restore him to his former ugliness? How many dangers can they survive? How many asses will they kick (or admire) along the way? How bad can faux-bardic verse get? The answers to these questions and more lie ahead!
A highly enjoyable read. It reminded me of the cheesy light fantasy novels of my youth, but with a more modern sensibility and social-media-age style banter (of the sort the author himself is known to engage in, here on goodreads, where we are [disclaimer!] friends).
Bonus illustrations by random people whose reviews you may have read.
A highly enjoyable read. It reminded me of the cheesy light fantasy novels of my youth, but with a more modern sensibility and social-media-age style banter (of the sort the author himself is known to engage in, here on goodreads, where we are [disclaimer!] friends).
Bonus illustrations by random people whose reviews you may have read.
February 22, 2017
So, the quest is finally over.
I don't mean 'finally over' in a 'thank goodness that's over' sense! I mean it in the 'adventure's over for now so put your dice and character sheets away until next time and look back on the great time you had with warm,sticky fuzzy fondness' sense.
I've loved every minute of this book, so much so that I provided an illustration for it, which can be found on page 50 of the collected Kindle edition. If you read the book you'll find it. Read the book.
Pip pip!
I don't mean 'finally over' in a 'thank goodness that's over' sense! I mean it in the 'adventure's over for now so put your dice and character sheets away until next time and look back on the great time you had with warm,
I've loved every minute of this book, so much so that I provided an illustration for it, which can be found on page 50 of the collected Kindle edition. If you read the book you'll find it. Read the book.
Pip pip!
August 20, 2017
I have to admit it has been one of the funniest readings of recent times.
At the beginning of the story, we know the main characters: Heloise (a charming elf woman) and Grimple (a hills giant), two adventurers with a problem: Grimple is the victim of a spell that has changed its appearance and made it mute. The main problem is to get Grimple back in its original form (positive for business) and to do this, the first step is to find a wizard. And here we know Kevil. Before arriving at a satisfactory solution, our heroes will face a number of risky businesses, but with hilarious effects, coming into contact with other strange and often funny characters.
It's definitely a fantasy story, but with several elements taken from the role-playing games and a tone more like a parody of the genre. The various situations are often absurd, enemies not exactly so wicked and the heroes, far from being spotless.
Forget the great battles in the Lordship of the Rings style, but if you read this book, prepare yourself for great laughs. In addition to the story, what is fun is Heloise's reasoning and dialogues, which are often rather twisted, indicating that the author has an ability to play with expressions really remarkable:
“And so it was that the legendary bard Heloise set out with Grimple the Hideously Transformed Hill Giant, Kevil the Not-So-Evil, But Fairly Clever Wizard, and Rappahamer Hammerknocker Whose Buttocks the Gods of Erithea Themselves Crafted to Give Hope to the World, to slay the evil lich who had stolen Grimple's face and voice and replaced them with...well, whatever we'd call the mess that he was now”
It was a pleasant and funny reading, but besides this, it is a brilliant story and the author is able to create exceptional dialogues. Very beautiful are the stories conceived to explain events or ways to say:
“They were spooked seven ways from Samerdahn’s armpit. Samerdahn, I should note, is something like a god in dwarven culture, but not quite – a sort of deputy divine being who, in the pantheon of dwarven deities, act as an enforcer for overgod of dwarves, Crackarock” …
I hope to read other adventures about these characters.
At the beginning of the story, we know the main characters: Heloise (a charming elf woman) and Grimple (a hills giant), two adventurers with a problem: Grimple is the victim of a spell that has changed its appearance and made it mute. The main problem is to get Grimple back in its original form (positive for business) and to do this, the first step is to find a wizard. And here we know Kevil. Before arriving at a satisfactory solution, our heroes will face a number of risky businesses, but with hilarious effects, coming into contact with other strange and often funny characters.
It's definitely a fantasy story, but with several elements taken from the role-playing games and a tone more like a parody of the genre. The various situations are often absurd, enemies not exactly so wicked and the heroes, far from being spotless.
Forget the great battles in the Lordship of the Rings style, but if you read this book, prepare yourself for great laughs. In addition to the story, what is fun is Heloise's reasoning and dialogues, which are often rather twisted, indicating that the author has an ability to play with expressions really remarkable:
“And so it was that the legendary bard Heloise set out with Grimple the Hideously Transformed Hill Giant, Kevil the Not-So-Evil, But Fairly Clever Wizard, and Rappahamer Hammerknocker Whose Buttocks the Gods of Erithea Themselves Crafted to Give Hope to the World, to slay the evil lich who had stolen Grimple's face and voice and replaced them with...well, whatever we'd call the mess that he was now”
It was a pleasant and funny reading, but besides this, it is a brilliant story and the author is able to create exceptional dialogues. Very beautiful are the stories conceived to explain events or ways to say:
“They were spooked seven ways from Samerdahn’s armpit. Samerdahn, I should note, is something like a god in dwarven culture, but not quite – a sort of deputy divine being who, in the pantheon of dwarven deities, act as an enforcer for overgod of dwarves, Crackarock” …
I hope to read other adventures about these characters.
December 8, 2017
What did I think of The Chronicle of Heloise & Grimple by Sean Gibson ? Well Goodreads, let me tell you since you asked so kindly. This is the most fun I have ever had reading a book ! Seriously, I mean it. From the first sentence it had me; There was action, adventure, lots of stabby things, laughter, smirking, and me grinning like a fool. They have likened Sean Gibson to Terry Pratchett. Nay I say ! Move over Mr. Pratchett......Mr. Gibson has stolen your crown sir and absconded with it, tarnished it a bit and is wearing it proudly, albeit a bit crookedly. I really enjoyed this book so much. It reminds me of my younger days, sitting around playing D&D with friends. You know, THOSE friends. The insane ones that have lovely white jackets that have them in a state of constantly hugging themselves. This book was a riot ! I can not thank Sean Gibson enough for writing it. As to how to describe it? It is impossible except to say, again, one of the most fun books I have ever read. Just read it.....now ! GO ! Shoo !
Why are you still here reading this review? I said GO and grab this now ! Get thee to Kindle !!!!
Besides, all proceeds from the first 150 copies sold of The Chronicle of Heloise & Grimple will be donated to ProLiteracy (www.proliteracy.org), an organization that promotes adult literacy through content development, programs, and advocacy.
So not only will you have the most fun ever reading a book, but you will also be giving to a great cause !
Who knew wearing nothing but a codpiece whilst eating, helps with digestion? Now I just have to find a codpiece. Anyone know of a good codpiece store? Maybe I will try Amazon..........
BTW, what does one call a codpiece fabricator? A cocktail-or? (smirks)
Thank you so much Sean, for the gifting of this book.....I owe ya ;) big time !
Why are you still here reading this review? I said GO and grab this now ! Get thee to Kindle !!!!
Besides, all proceeds from the first 150 copies sold of The Chronicle of Heloise & Grimple will be donated to ProLiteracy (www.proliteracy.org), an organization that promotes adult literacy through content development, programs, and advocacy.
So not only will you have the most fun ever reading a book, but you will also be giving to a great cause !
Who knew wearing nothing but a codpiece whilst eating, helps with digestion? Now I just have to find a codpiece. Anyone know of a good codpiece store? Maybe I will try Amazon..........
BTW, what does one call a codpiece fabricator? A cocktail-or? (smirks)
Thank you so much Sean, for the gifting of this book.....I owe ya ;) big time !
November 21, 2016
As a die-hard FOHAG, I give the ending of this book my unqualified approval. Reading it in serial form was a lot of fun—waiting for each new installment to appear, and having the opportunity for reader input with each new chapter (yay, red boots!) I feel that I have made my small but significant contribution to your literary legacy, Sean, with the suggestion for the red boots. They were clearly crying out to be memorialized, and with the lime-green skirt—it’s definitely a look for the ages, and can now be handed down to future generations.
I don’t think it is a secret that I’m willing to read anything Sean writes—books, reviews, status updates, blog . . . I’m there! Between his extensive vocabulary and well-developed sense of humor, what’s not to like? I have yet to read anything he’s written that hasn’t been entertaining, and I don’t expect that to change. So for all future endeavors—count me in!
I was very happy with the ending of the story. The inclusion of zombies pleased me—they were the one thing lacking at this point. In my opinion, any story is the poorer for having no zombies, so they were the perfect finishing touch. I was also very happy to see that Grimple kept his accent, which I also loved from the moment it made its dramatic appearance.
If you’re in the market for a fantasy story narrated with delicious sarcasm by a kick-ass half-elf and filled with likeable characters, magical creatures, battles, sorcery, ghosts, zombies, larceny, quests, and a very long card game . . . you’ve found it! Congratulations, and enjoy the journey!
* This book was generously provided by the author in exchange for an honest review.
I don’t think it is a secret that I’m willing to read anything Sean writes—books, reviews, status updates, blog . . . I’m there! Between his extensive vocabulary and well-developed sense of humor, what’s not to like? I have yet to read anything he’s written that hasn’t been entertaining, and I don’t expect that to change. So for all future endeavors—count me in!
I was very happy with the ending of the story. The inclusion of zombies pleased me—they were the one thing lacking at this point. In my opinion, any story is the poorer for having no zombies, so they were the perfect finishing touch. I was also very happy to see that Grimple kept his accent, which I also loved from the moment it made its dramatic appearance.
If you’re in the market for a fantasy story narrated with delicious sarcasm by a kick-ass half-elf and filled with likeable characters, magical creatures, battles, sorcery, ghosts, zombies, larceny, quests, and a very long card game . . . you’ve found it! Congratulations, and enjoy the journey!
* This book was generously provided by the author in exchange for an honest review.
October 12, 2018
I’m not sure if I’ve ever had so much fun with a book! Heloise, who is half elf and half human (but all fabulous!) is helping her friend, Grimple find himself (or at least his former shape)
Their adventures are sometimes harrowing but always hilarious! This book has so much imagination that its like playing a fantasy game with your best friends (the ones that keep you laughing because you never know what they will say next).
BTW I’m thinking about saying, “Sweets or swindles” instead of “Trick or Treat” this year. (Read the book, you’ll get the joke) hahah!
Their adventures are sometimes harrowing but always hilarious! This book has so much imagination that its like playing a fantasy game with your best friends (the ones that keep you laughing because you never know what they will say next).
BTW I’m thinking about saying, “Sweets or swindles” instead of “Trick or Treat” this year. (Read the book, you’ll get the joke) hahah!
October 5, 2018
The Chronicle of Heloise & Grimple is a very particular kind of novel.
Specifically, it’s the kind of novel that looks perfectly innocent and adorable sitting there on the shelf, staring up at you with those huge, adoring eyes, until you actually bring it home—at which time it begins eating objects you would have thought entirely incapable of being eaten (not just inedible, mind you, but literally incapable of being eaten), fetching things like boots or garden hoses that you’re reasonably certain have never belonged to you, and engaging in other, similar antics that you really shouldn’t laugh at but you just can’t help yourself because where the hell did it find an unopened gallon of peanut butter and how did it even manage to pick the thing up, let alone carry it back home?
Oh, wait. No, that’s our dog. We got confused for a minute because they’re both so funny, but we’ve got it straightened back out now. (While there are certain aspects of the two, meaning the book and the dog, that might cause you, at least at first blush, to mistake the one for the other, there is a simple yet definitive way to distinguish them, which is that we would never give our dog a 5-star review.)
Don’t judge. You don’t live with him.
Look, never mind. Forget about the dog. Here’s what it is. Imagine that JRR Tolkien and George RR Martin decided to get together and write the Dungeons & Dragons adventure to end all Dungeons & Dragons adventures, painstakingly researching every D&D module ever created and rigorously formulating an intricate plot that will guide three to four intrepid heroes (over the course of a single weekend of dice, ale, and unmitigated what-happens-in-the-dungeon-stays-in-the-dungeon debauchery) through an epic journey that will finally tie the entire D&D universe together into one great and perfect Theory of Everything… only to remember at the last possible moment that JRR Tolkien is dead and that Wizards of the Coast never signed off on the project anyway, making the entire undertaking null and void.
So the studio that already paid for the movie rights (scrambling to salvage whatever it can) ditches the big-name director and the A-list actors and the magnificent sets that all would have cost a fortune, tosses JRR Tolkien’s ghost out on his ear (easier said than done, by the way, but they call Hollywood “the place where the magic happens” for a reason), replaces George RR Martin with Sean Gibson, substitutes a local coffee shop for the tavern scenes, a Walmart for the Castle of Majestic Solitude, and a couple of unidentifiable backlot costumes for the entire CGI department.
Then, in a stroke of genius (brought on by the sheer panic of realizing what he’s up against), Sean Gibson rewrites the entire script overnight, re-pitches it to the studio as a musical farce the next morning, shoots it over the span of a single week (filming the requisite medieval-esque “scene setting” footage by sneaking the entire crew onto the set of The Outpost after dark), and ends up with a cult classic comedy blockbuster that nobody saw coming.
You know, that kind of novel.
Specifically, it’s the kind of novel that looks perfectly innocent and adorable sitting there on the shelf, staring up at you with those huge, adoring eyes, until you actually bring it home—at which time it begins eating objects you would have thought entirely incapable of being eaten (not just inedible, mind you, but literally incapable of being eaten), fetching things like boots or garden hoses that you’re reasonably certain have never belonged to you, and engaging in other, similar antics that you really shouldn’t laugh at but you just can’t help yourself because where the hell did it find an unopened gallon of peanut butter and how did it even manage to pick the thing up, let alone carry it back home?
Oh, wait. No, that’s our dog. We got confused for a minute because they’re both so funny, but we’ve got it straightened back out now. (While there are certain aspects of the two, meaning the book and the dog, that might cause you, at least at first blush, to mistake the one for the other, there is a simple yet definitive way to distinguish them, which is that we would never give our dog a 5-star review.)
Don’t judge. You don’t live with him.
Look, never mind. Forget about the dog. Here’s what it is. Imagine that JRR Tolkien and George RR Martin decided to get together and write the Dungeons & Dragons adventure to end all Dungeons & Dragons adventures, painstakingly researching every D&D module ever created and rigorously formulating an intricate plot that will guide three to four intrepid heroes (over the course of a single weekend of dice, ale, and unmitigated what-happens-in-the-dungeon-stays-in-the-dungeon debauchery) through an epic journey that will finally tie the entire D&D universe together into one great and perfect Theory of Everything… only to remember at the last possible moment that JRR Tolkien is dead and that Wizards of the Coast never signed off on the project anyway, making the entire undertaking null and void.
So the studio that already paid for the movie rights (scrambling to salvage whatever it can) ditches the big-name director and the A-list actors and the magnificent sets that all would have cost a fortune, tosses JRR Tolkien’s ghost out on his ear (easier said than done, by the way, but they call Hollywood “the place where the magic happens” for a reason), replaces George RR Martin with Sean Gibson, substitutes a local coffee shop for the tavern scenes, a Walmart for the Castle of Majestic Solitude, and a couple of unidentifiable backlot costumes for the entire CGI department.
Then, in a stroke of genius (brought on by the sheer panic of realizing what he’s up against), Sean Gibson rewrites the entire script overnight, re-pitches it to the studio as a musical farce the next morning, shoots it over the span of a single week (filming the requisite medieval-esque “scene setting” footage by sneaking the entire crew onto the set of The Outpost after dark), and ends up with a cult classic comedy blockbuster that nobody saw coming.
You know, that kind of novel.
December 10, 2016
Can't believe I forgot to write a review of this!
Sorry for the delay, Sean!
What can we say about this collection of his serialized Heloise & Grimple stories? It's clearly a labor of love, and it shows. This is a fun, fast-paced rip-roaring adventure that brings back fond memories of days (mis)spent playing D&D.
The characters are likable and well-defined and the author really knows how to turn a phrase to hook the reader.
Full disclosure: I was fortunate enough to follow the story as it evolved, AND was gifted a free ecopy, but that did not impact my review.
PS: If you haven't yet, buy and read a copy of The Camelot Shadow.
Sorry for the delay, Sean!
What can we say about this collection of his serialized Heloise & Grimple stories? It's clearly a labor of love, and it shows. This is a fun, fast-paced rip-roaring adventure that brings back fond memories of days (mis)spent playing D&D.
The characters are likable and well-defined and the author really knows how to turn a phrase to hook the reader.
Full disclosure: I was fortunate enough to follow the story as it evolved, AND was gifted a free ecopy, but that did not impact my review.
PS: If you haven't yet, buy and read a copy of The Camelot Shadow.
December 11, 2017
4/5 stars
When I first started reading this I had just had my son. During that time things were a little...chaotic. Not having had much experience with babies in the past, I felt like my world had been turned upside down by his arrival. I can hands down say that the first few months of his life were some of the most scary, beautiful, nerve-wracking, wondrous, ETC., of mine.
During those months, I needed something -- an escape of sorts -- from the tumultuous life I was leading. This was my escape. Every time I felt like things were just a little too much, I would turn to this story for a desperately needed laugh. It was slow going though; having a baby only leaves little pockets of time in which you can do things for you (beyond sleeping, of course :p).
As things do though, my life slowly found a rhythm, and in doing so, I became panicked (yes, panicked) about all of the books and series I had neglected for so long. I'm sure other readers get what I mean (hopefully). In order to make up for lost reading time, I stopped all of the new books I had started and commenced to read the things that had been forgotten. In turn, Heloise & Grimple became one of the new forgotten.
Fast forward a few months to when I realized that Heloise & Grimple had become the "new forgotten". Remembering how it had helped me through my first few months of being a mom, I began anew. And I'm damn glad that I did.
I really don't know how Sean did it. I was kind of in awe that he was able to write a story, given the format he chose, that was so funny and well-written. I feel that the format could have caused the story to feel rushed and poorly written, yet that was most definitely not the case. One of the only complaints I had, and still have, is that it didn't feel long enough.
If you are looking for a story that -plainly- is just a friggin good time, you should definitely give this a shot. I have real remorse, that I wasn't more active in the creation process. The goodreads members that were, must have had an awesome time seeing the story unveiled piece by piece.
I'm keeping my fingers crossed that Sean decides to do another story similarly in the future. Psssssst ;)
When I first started reading this I had just had my son. During that time things were a little...chaotic. Not having had much experience with babies in the past, I felt like my world had been turned upside down by his arrival. I can hands down say that the first few months of his life were some of the most scary, beautiful, nerve-wracking, wondrous, ETC., of mine.
During those months, I needed something -- an escape of sorts -- from the tumultuous life I was leading. This was my escape. Every time I felt like things were just a little too much, I would turn to this story for a desperately needed laugh. It was slow going though; having a baby only leaves little pockets of time in which you can do things for you (beyond sleeping, of course :p).
As things do though, my life slowly found a rhythm, and in doing so, I became panicked (yes, panicked) about all of the books and series I had neglected for so long. I'm sure other readers get what I mean (hopefully). In order to make up for lost reading time, I stopped all of the new books I had started and commenced to read the things that had been forgotten. In turn, Heloise & Grimple became one of the new forgotten.
Fast forward a few months to when I realized that Heloise & Grimple had become the "new forgotten". Remembering how it had helped me through my first few months of being a mom, I began anew. And I'm damn glad that I did.
I really don't know how Sean did it. I was kind of in awe that he was able to write a story, given the format he chose, that was so funny and well-written. I feel that the format could have caused the story to feel rushed and poorly written, yet that was most definitely not the case. One of the only complaints I had, and still have, is that it didn't feel long enough.
If you are looking for a story that -plainly- is just a friggin good time, you should definitely give this a shot. I have real remorse, that I wasn't more active in the creation process. The goodreads members that were, must have had an awesome time seeing the story unveiled piece by piece.
I'm keeping my fingers crossed that Sean decides to do another story similarly in the future. Psssssst ;)
October 5, 2016
This little ditty has been brightening my day for months as it was slowly released series style here on GR.
It's got action, comedy, innuendo and more!
Now it has pictures?!
More later when I have a moment to read through it in it completed form, but I already know I loved the journey!
A free copy was provided to me by the author. This did not affect my rating or increase the gushing love I have for Heloise and Grimple.
And yes, I probably need to see a doctor about that 'gushing love' bit.
It's got action, comedy, innuendo and more!
Now it has pictures?!
More later when I have a moment to read through it in it completed form, but I already know I loved the journey!
A free copy was provided to me by the author. This did not affect my rating or increase the gushing love I have for Heloise and Grimple.
And yes, I probably need to see a doctor about that 'gushing love' bit.
September 27, 2017
When describing The Chronicles of Heloise & Grimple, the first words that come to my mind are "shamelessly fun". But that might be because I've been watching a lot of Shameless lately. Sean Gibson, in turn, seems to have been watching a lot of Scooby-Doo and reading a lot of Terry Pratchett, which, on top of having a natural gift for humour, has created a unique sort of comedy-fantasy.
Meet Heloise- bard and adventurer, self-touted as beautiful and talented, and her adventuring partner Grimple. Grimple, a hill giant lacking slightly in both class and intelligence, has been "illusioned" into looking like a sickly gnome. Somewhere along the way, and to Heloise's misfortune, Grimple has also developed a posh accent. Heloise takes us on the journey to restore his appearance, encountering the not-evil wizard Kevil (my favourite character), and Rappy, a dwarf with well-shaped buttocks.
Gibson uses parentheses in a similar fashion to the way Pratchett uses footnotes, often offering the reader humorous insight into Heloise's knowledge of places, things, and circumstances. While the style of the novel is loose, having been published in episodic form elsewhere before being combined into one volume, the raw humour is undeniable. I think that removing the brackets and working some of Heloise's side thoughts into the main paragraph structure in places might make their contents funnier, as they wouldn't have set the reader up for the expectation of comedy. At other times I liked them that way!
I'm friends with the author on Goodreads, but it should be noted that I discovered book without knowing that he had written it. I also promised Sean that if I thought this was pig shit that I'd review his book with scathing wit. To my relief, this is was quite an amusing cast of characters with an entertaining adventure, so Sean's wit has gotten me out of having to use my own.
Okay I had to edit this to add just a few of my favourite quotes because when I reread them just now I snorted tea up my nose:
"Kevil’s question was cut off by a roar that shook the walls of the Well, all of the trees in the surrounding area, and a little bit of pee from my bladder."
"[...]it uttered arcane syllables, pointed a wand at me, and, well, ‘poof,’ I believe, is the technical term."
"There’s something about an ancient wood that calls out to elves; the trees almost seem palpably indifferent to anyone who passes beneath them. They had been there long before our passing and knew they would be there long after, and so they benevolently suffered us to walk among them, caring as much about us as we would for an ant crawling across our path. Ancient trees are majestic, no doubt, but they’re also kind of assholes."
Meet Heloise- bard and adventurer, self-touted as beautiful and talented, and her adventuring partner Grimple. Grimple, a hill giant lacking slightly in both class and intelligence, has been "illusioned" into looking like a sickly gnome. Somewhere along the way, and to Heloise's misfortune, Grimple has also developed a posh accent. Heloise takes us on the journey to restore his appearance, encountering the not-evil wizard Kevil (my favourite character), and Rappy, a dwarf with well-shaped buttocks.
Gibson uses parentheses in a similar fashion to the way Pratchett uses footnotes, often offering the reader humorous insight into Heloise's knowledge of places, things, and circumstances. While the style of the novel is loose, having been published in episodic form elsewhere before being combined into one volume, the raw humour is undeniable. I think that removing the brackets and working some of Heloise's side thoughts into the main paragraph structure in places might make their contents funnier, as they wouldn't have set the reader up for the expectation of comedy. At other times I liked them that way!
I'm friends with the author on Goodreads, but it should be noted that I discovered book without knowing that he had written it. I also promised Sean that if I thought this was pig shit that I'd review his book with scathing wit. To my relief, this is was quite an amusing cast of characters with an entertaining adventure, so Sean's wit has gotten me out of having to use my own.
Okay I had to edit this to add just a few of my favourite quotes because when I reread them just now I snorted tea up my nose:
"Kevil’s question was cut off by a roar that shook the walls of the Well, all of the trees in the surrounding area, and a little bit of pee from my bladder."
"[...]it uttered arcane syllables, pointed a wand at me, and, well, ‘poof,’ I believe, is the technical term."
"There’s something about an ancient wood that calls out to elves; the trees almost seem palpably indifferent to anyone who passes beneath them. They had been there long before our passing and knew they would be there long after, and so they benevolently suffered us to walk among them, caring as much about us as we would for an ant crawling across our path. Ancient trees are majestic, no doubt, but they’re also kind of assholes."
April 2, 2017
Though I was well aware of this story thanks to the magic of GR, I never took the time to read each installment as they were released. However, when it was all done and the collected form went on sale for $0.99, I decided I'd buy it and see what it was all about.
First of all, fantasy isn't exactly my preferred genre. Thankfully, this was fantasy lite and had a lot of humor to carry it through to the end. However, humor isn't my preferred genre either. I mean, I like to laugh, but I get tired of jokes when there's a whole book full of them.
Still, this was a pretty entertaining read. I read it on my Kindle before bed for a few nights. I liked the ending, and I definitely
First of all, fantasy isn't exactly my preferred genre. Thankfully, this was fantasy lite and had a lot of humor to carry it through to the end. However, humor isn't my preferred genre either. I mean, I like to laugh, but I get tired of jokes when there's a whole book full of them.
Still, this was a pretty entertaining read. I read it on my Kindle before bed for a few nights. I liked the ending, and I definitely
November 27, 2017
This book had me laughing out loud. Often. I drew attention in the dentist's office and woke my husband up (more than once) shaking with laughter while reading it. This story is pure enjoyment from start to finish.
Once again, I finished this book many moons ago when I was buried up to my neck in costumes for my daughter's musical and just way too much real life chaos, so I'm not going to be able to provide as many details as I'd like. But I will say this: I started having snarky conversations in my head with people who were irritating me ... all in Grimple's magically altered, foppish-dandy voice. And I haven't done that since Junie B. Jones - who's a frigging icon, IMHO. Also, I think Heloise and I would get along well. We both have dirty minds and snarky tongues.
I'm planning to re-read Heloise & Grimple soon (I hear our heroes may be continuing their adventures and want to refresh my memory before book 2), so I'll be able to provide a more thorough review then. You should definitely read this book if you like fantasy, quest novels, witty writing, and cheeky, cursed mountain trolls with posh British accents.
Also, if you aren't following this author's reviews, you're missing out. Stop what you're doing and follow him now. You won't be sorry. His reviews are hilarious and insightful and often make me happy if I'm having a bad day.
Note: I've heard from other reviewers that there are a lot of references to Dungeons and Dragons in H&G, but alas, I have never played it (she says with sadness in her heart). If you have played D&D I'm sure you'll have even more fun with Heloise & Grimple than I did. You lucky bastards.
Once again, I finished this book many moons ago when I was buried up to my neck in costumes for my daughter's musical and just way too much real life chaos, so I'm not going to be able to provide as many details as I'd like. But I will say this: I started having snarky conversations in my head with people who were irritating me ... all in Grimple's magically altered, foppish-dandy voice. And I haven't done that since Junie B. Jones - who's a frigging icon, IMHO. Also, I think Heloise and I would get along well. We both have dirty minds and snarky tongues.
I'm planning to re-read Heloise & Grimple soon (I hear our heroes may be continuing their adventures and want to refresh my memory before book 2), so I'll be able to provide a more thorough review then. You should definitely read this book if you like fantasy, quest novels, witty writing, and cheeky, cursed mountain trolls with posh British accents.
Also, if you aren't following this author's reviews, you're missing out. Stop what you're doing and follow him now. You won't be sorry. His reviews are hilarious and insightful and often make me happy if I'm having a bad day.
Note: I've heard from other reviewers that there are a lot of references to Dungeons and Dragons in H&G, but alas, I have never played it (she says with sadness in her heart). If you have played D&D I'm sure you'll have even more fun with Heloise & Grimple than I did. You lucky bastards.
May 6, 2017
Before you rail at me for it, yes, the author is my friend. Will that stop me from roasting him over an open fire if he deserves it?
Thankfully, his writing is just good enough that he escaped a fiery fate, and I am benevolently pleased with the results.
Just about everything in TCoHG is great. There's a questionable friendship, a wizard who cross-dresses for relaxation, and apparently (according to Heloise) the best dwarven behind in all creation.
Who knew.
Heloise is magnificently narcissistic, and her narration is fabulously bombastic. Example sentence:
I shouted to Kevil, racing into the thicker part of the forest, Kevil hard on my heels (or, at least, as hard on my heels as a pasty, pretty out-of-shape wizard could be when chasing after a lithe and winsome gazelle like myself).
Also this profound observation had me nodding in agreement and wanting to shake Heloise's hand in enthusiasm:
Every once in a while, men listen to reason. Sometimes I think they do it simply because to be contrarian is so ingrained in them that, periodically, they need to do something counter to their own instincts just to be consistent with their own (lack of) internal logic.
Read Heloise and Grimple for the absurd storyline, riotous humour and the force of nature that is the protagonist. Then join me in petitioning Sean to give us a detailed explanation on what exactly edible kittens are. I mean, are there inedible kittens?
The paw-sibilites are endless, until Mr.Gibson decides to enlighten us.
Thankfully, his writing is just good enough that he escaped a fiery fate, and I am benevolently pleased with the results.
Just about everything in TCoHG is great. There's a questionable friendship, a wizard who cross-dresses for relaxation, and apparently (according to Heloise) the best dwarven behind in all creation.
Who knew.
Heloise is magnificently narcissistic, and her narration is fabulously bombastic. Example sentence:
I shouted to Kevil, racing into the thicker part of the forest, Kevil hard on my heels (or, at least, as hard on my heels as a pasty, pretty out-of-shape wizard could be when chasing after a lithe and winsome gazelle like myself).
Also this profound observation had me nodding in agreement and wanting to shake Heloise's hand in enthusiasm:
Every once in a while, men listen to reason. Sometimes I think they do it simply because to be contrarian is so ingrained in them that, periodically, they need to do something counter to their own instincts just to be consistent with their own (lack of) internal logic.
Read Heloise and Grimple for the absurd storyline, riotous humour and the force of nature that is the protagonist. Then join me in petitioning Sean to give us a detailed explanation on what exactly edible kittens are. I mean, are there inedible kittens?
The paw-sibilites are endless, until Mr.Gibson decides to enlighten us.
August 28, 2017
This was so much fun to read! Sean, such humor! You def should continue with Heloise and Grimple. They are hilarious together....and that english accent tops it off xD! I loved Kevil, hope he returns if the adventure continues ;)
Its a light and easy read, looooads of humor ( from pervy to farts <3 ) and magic. It reads fluent and is fast paced.
Thanks Sean for sending me your work for free :)
Its a light and easy read, looooads of humor ( from pervy to farts <3 ) and magic. It reads fluent and is fast paced.
Thanks Sean for sending me your work for free :)
October 27, 2016
What follows is a highly biased review. I'm a friend of Sean's (the Dork Kettle to his Nerd Pot), I am the Lolly he most graciously thanks (and sends any share of potential complaints to) for my very small part in helping shape the story through my comments and story direction votes, albeit often belatedly given*, and I am the Laura who contributed a piece of fan art (highly influenced by Sean's devilish eyebrows). Not to mention, the author provided me a free copy. So there's no way you're getting an impartial view of this work from me.
Take a hefty helping of D&D tropes turned on their head, mix in the participatory nature of the old Choose Your Own Adventure books, and coat each sentence with the rich, punnish topical-disguised-as-fantasy humor of Terry Pratchett, Piers Anthony, Robert Aspirin, Neil Gaiman, Christopher Moore, Jasper Fforde... basically a selection from all the best comedic fantasy authors out there (a list on which Sean has definitely earned a place) and you'll start to get some idea of what The Chronicle of Heloise and Grimple is all about. There's no way you can read this book and not laugh--if you don't laugh, there is something seriously wrong with you. As in, go see a doctor, you need your head examined, wrong with you. That said, there are so many jokes flying at you, jokes with several layers to them and multiple meanings, a single reading won't allow you to pick up on them all. Which is why you need to buy a copy so that you can read it again whenever the urge strikes.
Basically, just buy the damn book and dive in. You won't be disappointed, I swear.
*Which is no reflection on the quality of the material on which I'm granting my opinions and votes, more a reflection of the quality of myself as a reader, reviewer, and friend.
Take a hefty helping of D&D tropes turned on their head, mix in the participatory nature of the old Choose Your Own Adventure books, and coat each sentence with the rich, punnish topical-disguised-as-fantasy humor of Terry Pratchett, Piers Anthony, Robert Aspirin, Neil Gaiman, Christopher Moore, Jasper Fforde... basically a selection from all the best comedic fantasy authors out there (a list on which Sean has definitely earned a place) and you'll start to get some idea of what The Chronicle of Heloise and Grimple is all about. There's no way you can read this book and not laugh--if you don't laugh, there is something seriously wrong with you. As in, go see a doctor, you need your head examined, wrong with you. That said, there are so many jokes flying at you, jokes with several layers to them and multiple meanings, a single reading won't allow you to pick up on them all. Which is why you need to buy a copy so that you can read it again whenever the urge strikes.
Basically, just buy the damn book and dive in. You won't be disappointed, I swear.
*Which is no reflection on the quality of the material on which I'm granting my opinions and votes, more a reflection of the quality of myself as a reader, reviewer, and friend.
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