Chesterfield's Letters

by Edwin 1838-1914 Ginn

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Genres: History, Nonfiction, Philosophy, Classics, Biography, Politics, Classic Literature

150 pages, Paperback

First published May 14, 2014

Reviews

[Unknown]

My object is to have you fit to live; which, if you are not, I do not desire that you should live at all. 18.12.1747

When we meet at Spa, next July, we must have a great many serious conversations; in which I will pour out all my experience of the world, and which, I hope, you will trust to, more than to your own young notions of men and things. You will, in time, discover most of them to have been erroneous; and, if you follow them long, you will perceive your error too late ; but if you will be led by a guide, who, you are sure, does not mean to mislead you, you will unite two things, seldom united, in the same person; the vivacity and spirit of youth, with the caution and experience of age. (26.3.1754)

You know I have often told you, that my affection for you was not a weak, womanish one; and, far from blinding me, is makes me but more quick sighted, as to your faults; those it is not only my right, but my duty, to tell you of; and it is your duty and your interest to correct them. —To His Son, 9.10.1746

I therefore most earnestly desire, for your own sake . . . at least six hours every morning, uninterruptedly, may be inviolably sacred to your studies. (12.9.1749)

__________
For it signifies nothing to read a thing once, if one does not mind and remember it. —To His Son, 24.07.1739

To know the thoughts of others is of use, because it suggests thoughts to one’s self, and helps one to form a judgement; but to repeat other people’s thoughts, without considering whether they are right or wrong, is the talent only of a parrot, or at most a player. —To his Son, Thursday

There is no surer sign in the world of a little, weak mind, than inattention. Whatever is worth doing at all, is worth doing well; and nothing can be well done without attention. —To His Son, 10.03.1746

I have often, of late, reflected what an unhappy man I must now have been, if I had not acquired in my youth some fund and taste of learning. What could I have done with myself at this age, without them? I must, as many ignorant people do, have destroyed my health and faculties by sotting away the evenings; or, by wasting them frivolously in the tattle of women’s company, must have exposed myself to the ridicule and contempt of those very women; or, lastly, I must have hanged muyself, as a man once did, for weariness of putting on and pulling off his shoes and stockings every day. My books, and only my books, are now left me: and I daily find what Cicero says or learning to be true: ‘Haec studia (says he) adolescentiam alunt, senectutem oblectant, secundas res ornant, adversis persugium ac solatium præbent; delectant domi, non impediunt foris ; pernoctant nobiscum, peregrinantur, rusticantur/. —To His Son, 4.10.1746

I am, at this time, acquainted with many elderly people, who have all passed their whole lives in the great world, but with such levity and inattention, that they know no more of it now, than they did at fifteen. —To His Son, 4.10.1746

Remember to make a great difference between companions and friends; for a very complaisant and agreeable companion may, and often does, prove a very improper and a very dangerous friend. —To His Son, 9.10.1747

Have a real reserve with almost everybody; and have a seeming reserve with almost nobody; for it is very disagreeable to seem reserved, and very dangerous not to be so. —To His Son, 9.10.1747

Never think of entertaining people with your own personal concerns or private affairs; though they are interesting to you they are tedious and impertinent to everybody else besides that, one cannot keep one’s own private affairs too secret. —To His Son, 16.10.1747

Having mentioned laughing, I must particularly warn you against it: and I could heartily wish, that you may often be seen to smile, but never heard to laugh while you live. Frequent and loud laughter is the characteristic of folly and in manners; it is the manner in which the mob express their silly joy at silly things; and they call it being merry. In my mind, there is nothing so illiberal, and so ill−bred, as audible laughter. True wit, or sense, never yet made anybody laugh; they are above it: They please the mind, and give a cheerfulness to the countenance. But it is low buffoonery, or silly accidents, that always excite laughter; and that is what people of sense and breeding should show themselves above . . . a plain proof, in my mind, how low and unbecoming a thing laughter is: not to mention the disagreeable noise that it makes, and the shocking distortion of the face that it occasions. (9.3.1748)

But it is by no means so with the mind, which, at your age particularly, requires great and constant care, and some physic. Every quarter of an hour, well or ill employed, will do it essential and lasting good or harm. It requires, also, a great deal of exercise, to bring it to a state of health and vigour. (1.4.1748)

People are, in general, what they are made, by education and company, from fifteen to five-and-twenty; soncisder well, therefore, the importance of your next eight or nine years; your whole depends upon them. (1.4.1748)

Were most historical events traced up to their true causes, I fear we should not find them much more noble or disinterested than Luther's disappointed avarice; and therefore I look with some contempt upon those refining and sagacious historians, who ascribe all, even the most common events, to some deep political cause; whereas mankind is made up of inconsistencies, and no man acts invariably up to his predominant character. The wisest man sometimes acts weakly, and the weakest sometimes wisely. Our jarring passions, our variable humors, nay, our greater or lesser degree of health and spirits, produce such contradictions in our conduct, that, I believe, those are the oftenest mistaken, who ascribe our actions to the most seemingly obvious motives; and I am convinced, that a light supper, a good night's sleep, and a fine morning, have sometimes made a hero of the same man, who, by an indigestion, a restless night, and rainy morning, would, have proved a coward. Our best conjectures, therefore, as to the true springs of actions, are but very uncertain; and the actions themselves are all that we must pretend to know from history. That Caesar was murdered by twenty−three conspirators, I make no doubt: but very much doubt that their love of liberty, and of their country, was their sole, or even principal motive; and I dare say that, if the truth were known, we should find that many other motives at least concurred, even in the great Brutus himself. (26.4.1748)

I have always observed that the most learned people, that is, those who have read the most Latin, write the worst; and that distinguishes the Latin of gentleman scholar from that of a pedant. A gentleman has, probably, read no other Latin than that of the Augustan age; and therefore can write no other, whereas the pedant has read much more bad Latin than good, and consequently writes so too. He looks upon the best classical books, as books for school−boys, and consequently below him; but pores over fragments of obscure authors, treasures up the obsolete words which he meets with there, and uses them upon all occasions to show his reading at the expense of his judgment. (27.9.1748)

The height of abilities, is to have volto sciolto and pensieri stretti; that is, a frank, open, and ingenuous exterior, with a prudent and reserved interior. (19.10.1748)

Loud laughter is the mirth of the mob, who are only pleased with silly things; for true wit or good sense never excited a laugh, since the creation of the world. (19.10.1748)

Form yourself, with regard to others, upon what you feel pleases you in them. (18.11.1748)

Do not mistake, and think that these graces which I so often and so earnestly recommend to you, should only accompany important transactions, and be worn only 'les jours de gala'; no, they should, if possible, accompany every, the least thing you do or say; for, if you neglect them in little things, they will leave you in great ones. I should, for instance, be extremely concerned to see you even drink a cup of coffee ungracefully, and slop yourself with it, by your awkward manner of holding it. (18.11.1748)

I am also very well pleased to hear that you have such a knowledge of, and taste for curious books and scarce and valuable tracts. This is a kind of knowledge which very well becomes a man of sound and solid learning, but which only exposes a man of slight and superficial reading; therefore, pray make the substance and matter of such books your first object, and their title−pages, indexes, letter, and binding, but your second. It is the characteristic of a man of parts and good judgment to know, and give that degree of attention that each object deserves. Whereas little minds mistake little objects for great ones, and lavish away upon the former that time and attention which only the latter deserve. (6.12.1748)

In my opinion, a warm and lively genius, with a cool constitution, is the perfection of human nature. (30.12.1748)

Due attention to the inside of books, and due contempt for the outside, is the proper relation between a man of sense and his books. (10.1.1749)

but remember, in economy, as well as in every other part of life, to have the proper attention to proper objects, and the proper contempt for little ones. A strong mind sees things in their true proportions; a weak one views them through a magnifying medium, which, like the microscope, makes an elephant of a flea: magnifies all little objects, but cannot receive great ones. (10.1.1749)

A man of sense soon discovers, because he carefully observes, where, and how long, he is welcome; and takes care to leave the company, at least as soon as he is wished out of it. Fools never perceive where they are either ill−timed or ill-placed. (20.7.1749)

Englishman. Well, then, good night to you; you have no objection, I hope, to my being drunk to−night, which I certainly will be.
Stanhope. Not in the least; nor to your being sick tomorrow, which you as certainly will be; and so good night, too.
. . .
Leave them to their ignorance and to their dirty, disgraceful vices. They will severely feel the effects of them, when it will be too late. Without the comfortable refuge of learning, and with all the sickness and pains of a ruined stomach, and a rotten carcass, if they happen to arrive at old age, it is an uneasy and ignominious one. (12.9.1749)

Proverbial expressions and trite sayings and the flowers of the rhetoric of a vulgar man. (27.9.1749)

The world is taken by the outside of things, and we must take the world as it is; you or I cannot set it right. (26.11.1749)

Words are the dress of thoughts; which should no more be presented in rags, tatters, and dirt, than your person should. (25.1.1750)

Few men can be men of pleasure, every man may be a rake. (8.11.1750)

As for Operas, they are essentially too absurd and extravagant to mention. (23.1.1752)

But I am now privileged by my age to taste and think for myself, and not to care what other people think of me in those respects; an advantage which youth, among its many advantages, hath not. It must occasionally and outwardly conform, to a certain degree, to establish tastes, fashions, and decisions. A young man may, with a becoming modesty, dissent, in private companies, from public opinions and prejudices: but he must not attack them with warmth, nor magisterially set up his own sentiments against them. Endeavor to hear, and know all opinions; receive them with complaisance; form your own with coolness, and give it with modesty. (23.1.1752)

However, I bear my misfortune better than I believe most other people would; whether from reason, philosophy, or constitution, I will not pretend to decide. If I have no very cheerful, at least I have no melancholy moments. Books employ most of my hours agreeably; and some few objects, within my own narrow circle, excite my attention enough to preserve me from ennui. (To Solomon Dayrolles, 18.10.1752)

I go very little into company, being very little fit for any. (19.10.1753)

This is the season of well-bred lies indiscriminately told by all to all. (To Solomon Dayrolles, 1.1.1754)

I remember so long ago as when I was at Cambridge, whenever I read pieces of eloquence (and indeed they were my chief study) whether ancient or modern, I used to write down the shining passages, and then translate them, as well and as elegantly as ever I could; if Latin or French, into English; if English, into French. This, which I practiced for some years, not only improved and formed my style, but imprinted in my mind and memory the best thoughts of the best authors. (12.2.1754)

Human nature is the same everywhere, the modes only are different. (To His Godson and Heir, to be delivered after his own death)

[Paul O'Leary · Rating 5 out of 5]

Eighteenth century English aristocrat obsesses over his son's "parts". If this lead-in appeals to you then you may have the wrong idea. Chesterfield's letters are mostly addressed to his son, though a smattering are addressed to others concerning his son or current affairs pertaining to the time & person to whom each were written. Each of the former is for the purpose of furthering his son's education of the world. The story is an old one, even in the 18th century. Chesterfield, though an adept political insider, felt he never "went as far as he should have" and vowed to himself to give his son all the advantages that he lacked. His contacts were open to him. Education was provided through the best available tutors. His purse was liberally accessed within shrewd reason. And, speaking of shrewd reason, most importantly, Chesterfield took upon himself to provide his son with a thoroughly practical education for getting on in this world. He is very specific that this isn't just familial obligation followed through with diligence. Chesterfield states unequivocally, "I want the rays of your rising to reflect new luster upon my setting light". C could apply pressure, indeed. "My object is to make you fit to live;which, if you are not, I do not desire that you should live at all." All topics are covered, all bases stomped upon repeatedly: from speaking, to appearance, to dancing. Not all recommendations are entirely mercenary and mean. Chesterfield actually has a very modern view of the salubriousness of exposing the young to multiple languages as a prompting to proficiency in them later in life. He is also very modern in his reluctance to utilize physical punishment, though it does enter in(18th century, you know). C's focus is on how to impress superiors for promotion, utilizing peers for personal benefit, and keeping proper distance from, while maintaining a working relationship with inferiors. The man of parts(educated & endowed) was thusly nothing without fine and gracious manners. Samuel Johnson, angered over a promise of support for his dictionary which didn't materialize, savaged Chesterfield for his ethics fit for a dance master. Smollett felt of C's character in a similar fashion. In truth, much of the advice C offered is far from PC. On this International Woman's Day I take time to quote Chesterfield as to the feminine: "Women...are only children of a larger growth; they have an entertaining tattle and sometimes wit; but for solid, reasoning good-sense, I never knew in my life one that had it, or who reasoned or acted consequentially for four and twenty hours together". Sadly, his son fell far short of the mark Chesterfield notched for him. The last tenth of the letters are addressed to C's godson who eventually replaces C's son as a potential political/spiritual heir, later to become his legal heir after C's son dies. The godson fared no better and it is rather sad to hear the lessons repeated, with the same sorry result, as C has entered old age. One walks away with the impression that these letters were published for the purpose of assisting some other "son" out there who might finally benefit from the lessons given by a master of the everyday-political-practical world. Given, received, but not actualized in either intended case in Chesterfield's lifetime.

[Smiley · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is one of the notable books because I have known its title and eminence since I studied in my secondary school years, that is, I came across its fame as those interesting letters from a celebrated father to his son while reading a column revealing a letter sent from a Thai student studying law in England to publish in a weekly magazine aiming at improving students’ English knowledge. The letters have long since become famous because one day in 1754 the father in question, Lord Chesterfield, notoriously neglected Samuel Johnson, an unknown lexicographer who kept waiting to meet him in person regarding his “Plan for a Dictionary of the English Language” addressed to him as a prospective patron in 1747 (Boswell 1980, pp. 185, 12). That incident immensely disappointed and displeased Dr Johnson, therefore, his opinion on the letters despised by him reached a verdict as for teaching “morals of a whore and the manners of a dancing-master” (back cover).

Reading these letters simply requires one’s interest and persistence due to a few reasons; first, they were written in 1737 onwards so some parts of their writing style, grammar, vocabulary, etc. belonged to unfamiliar English written some 277 years ago; and, second, Lord Chesterfield obviously enjoyed training his son to be more fluent in French so it is a bit intimidating for those who do not readily know French in his letters. Of course, most of the French phrases, sentences, etc. are asterisked and translated into English in its Explanatory Notes section, but not all. For example:

No woman ever had more than she has le ton de la parfaitement bonne compagnie, les manieres engageantes, et le je ne scais quoi qui plait. (p. 209)
…, saying to the master or mistress, ceci est de mon departement; je m’en charge; avouez que je m’en acquitte a merveille. (p. 218)
Or is it des petites societies, moins bruiantes, mains pas pour cela moins agreables? (p. 222)
etc.

A few extracts primarily focusing on the letters to his son that follow should interest some of my Goodreads friends so that, I hope, they would literally entice such avid readers to find or borrow a copy from any good public or university library to read. Please take your time and enjoy.

1) The sure way to excel in any thing, is only to have a close and undissipated attention while you are about it; and then you need not be half the time that otherwise you must be: for long, plodding, puzzling application, is the business of dulness; but good parts attend regularly, and take a thing immediately. … (p. 26)
2) Never maintain an argument with heat and clamour, though you think or know yourself to be in the right; but give your opinion modestly and coolly, which is the only way to convince; and, if that does not do, try to change the conversation, by saying, with good humour, ‘We shall hardly convince one another; nor is it necessary that we should, so let us talk of something else.’ (p. 58)
3) Speak the language of the company you are in; speak it purely, and unlarded with any other. Never seem wiser, nor more learned, than the people you are with. Wear your learning, like your watch, in a private pocket: and do not merely pull it out and strike it; merely show that you have one. If you are asked what o’clock it is, tell it; but do not proclaim it hourly and unasked, like the watchman. (p. 67)
etc.

However, when I came across two of Lord Chesterfield’s expressions, namely, “words are the dress of thoughts” (p. 200) and “Style is the dress of thoughts” (p. 219) written in his two letters dated January 25, O.S. 1750 and January 21, O.S. 1751, these instantly remind me of another one written in “On Style” by Jonathan Swift (1667-1745), that is: “words are the clothing of our thoughts” (Peacock 1947, pp. 57-58) which, I think, is the source of a Thai motto: “ภาษาเป็นอาภรณ์แห่งความคิด” as nobly translated and exhibited in a demonstration school. Therefore, I guess he might have paraphrased them after Swift, they are probably not his original ideas.

References:
Boswell, J. Life of Johnson. R.W. Chapman ed. Oxford: Oxford University Press, 1980.
Peacock. W. ed. Selected English Essays. London: Oxford University Press, 1947.

[Jackson Cyril · Rating 4 out of 5]

Dr Johnson declared these letters to contain "the morals of a whore and the manners of a dancing-master"; I confess that these letters aren't nearly as much fun. But they do allow us to see the world as a British gentleman of the 18th century did.

[Steven Meyers · Rating 5 out of 5]

This most self-conscious man’s unself-conscious self-portrait is rich and highly entertaining. George III’s Secretary of State, Philip Stanhope (1694-1773), fourth Earl of Chesterfield, embodied the beau ideal of courtesy and, in his letters to his son, raised at a distance because he was illegitimate, wrote the book on manners and deportment.

Civility, Chesterfield sees, is desirable not because it is Christ-like, but because it drips like oil into the gearing of the way the world works, giving the benefit of greater smoothness. Because his precepts are nailed to this reality, they hold good. Looking unblinkingly at how men and women behave, he recommends that his son plan his conduct in order to promote his interests. Chesterfield is shrewd, to the point, observant, energetic and without hypocrisy. (His son made only a middling success as a diplomat and kept his private life secret from his father, perhaps resenting that the elder’s ample love came in the form of advice, however good; only his early death informed Chesterfield of the existence of a daughter-in-law and grandsons.)

[Daniel · Rating 5 out of 5]

Kind of sad. Goes to show that smart parents can have mediocre children and no amount of advice will help.

[Muaz Jalil · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very interesting read and refreshingly modern in outlook. It's a series of letter written by Lord Chesterfield to his illegitimate son Phillip, mostly instructions in etiquette and art of living. For instance he mentions pride in rank is useless and one should instead focus on merit. Also argues against unnecessary debate, stating that everyone is entitled to their opinion and it is not necessary that you have to convert others. Then in one place he states thay insult is deadlier than injury, people forgive injury but not insult; one should not brag about oneself, it is tedious and useless to others: either you are worthy in which case you don't need to or you are not worthy and hence it is a lie. Very good read. Apparently it created quite a scandal when it was released. I found the letters tender and frank.

[Dan · Rating 4 out of 5]

The Graces, the Graces; remember the Graces!

If Oscar Wilde, La Rochefoucauld and Machiavelli had a child, it would be Lord Chesterfield

As with any book containing lessons/advice, take only what resonates with you. Chew the meat and spit out the bones. And there is plenty of meat here

Despite the many miles and the hundreds of years between Lord Chesterfield and the reader, Chesterfield manages to convey that intimacy and that ever so delicate balance between sternness and friendliness that is required between a father and his son. It is unfortunate that his letters to his actual son were of not much use, as the son died prematurely. It is fortunate that the letters were published, against Chesterfield’s desires, so that generations of readers can momentarily adopt Chesterfield as a second father. And perhaps one of Chesterfield’s readers can make use of his advice to attain the success that Chesterfield’s real son never got the chance to achieve.

Last but not least... REMEMBER THE GRACES

Quotes/Excerpts
Mind, not only what people say, but how they say it; and, if you have any sagacity, you may discover more truth by your eyes than by your ears. People can say what they will, but they cannot look just as they will; and their looks frequently discover, what their words are calculated to conceal. Observe, therefore, people’s looks carefully, when they speak not only to you, but to each other. I have often guessed, by people’s faces, what they were saying, though I could not hear one word they said.

Judge of individuals from your own knowledge of them, and not from their sex, profession, or denomination.

Do as you would be done by, is the surest method that I know of pleasing.

Speak the language of the company you are in; speak it purely, and unlarded with any other. Never seem wiser, nor more learned, than the people you are with. Wear your learning, like your watch, in a private pocket: and do not merely pull it out and strike it; merely to show that you have one. If you are asked what o’clock it is, tell it; but do not proclaim it hourly and unasked, like the watchman.

To do as you would be done by, is the plain, sure and undisputed rule of morality and justice

I remember that when I came from Cambridge, I had acquired, among the pedants of that illiberal seminary, a sauciness of literature, a turn to satire and contempt, and a strong tendency to argumentation and contradiction” But I had been but a very little while in the world, before I found that this would by no means do; and I immediately adopted the opposite character; I concealed what learning I had; I applauded often without approving; and I yielded commonly, without conviction. Suaviter in modo was my law and my prophets; and if I pleased (between you and me) it was much more owing to that, than to any superior knowledge or merit of my own.

The utility of History consists principally in the examples it gives us of the virtues and vices of those who have gone before us; upon which we ought to make the proper observations

To know the thoughts of others is of use, because it suggests thoughts to one’s self, and helps one to form a judgment; but to repeat other people’s thoughts, without considering whether they are right or wrong, is the talent only of a parrot, or at most a player.

Awkwardness can proceed but from two causes; either from not having kept good company, or from not having attended to it. As for your keeping good company, I will take care of that; do you take care to observe their ways and manners, and to form your own upon them.

I am of opinion that you will both think and speak more favourably of women than you do now. You seem to think that from Eve downwards they have done a great deal of mischief. As for that Lady, I give her up to you: but, since her time, history will inform you, that men have done much more mischief in the world than women; and, to say the truth, I would not advise you to trust either, more than is absolutely necessary.
But this I will advise you to, which is, never to attack whole bodies of any kind; for, besides that all general rules have their exceptions, you unnecessarily make yourself a great number of enemies, by attacking a corps collectively.
Among women, as among men, there are good as well as bad; and it may be full as many, or more, good than among men.

Individuals forgive sometimes; but bodies and societies never do.

Let me, therefore, most earnestly recommend to you, to hoard up, while you can, a great stock of knowledge; for though, during the dissipation of your youth, you may not have occasion to spend much of it; yet, you may depend upon it, that a time will come, when you will want it to maintain you. Public granaries are filled in plentiful years; not that it is known that the next, or the second, or third year will prove a scarce one; but because it is known that, sooner or later, such a year will come, in which the grain will be wanted.

I comprehend in it the great knowledge of the world, still more necessary than that of books. In truth, they assist one another reciprocally; and no man will have either perfectly, who has not both. The knowledge of the world is only to be acquired in the world, and not in a closet. Books alone will never teach it you; but they will suggest many things to your observation, which might otherwise escape you; and your own observations upon mankind, when compared with those which you will find in books, will help you to fix the true point.

Do not think that I mean to snarl at pleasure, like a Stoic, or to preach against it, like a parson; no, I mean to point it out, and recommend it to you, like an Epicurean: I wish you a great deal; and my only view is to hinder you from mistaking it.

Real friendship is a slow grower; and never thrives, unless ingrafted upon a stock of known and reciprocal merit.

The next thing to the choice of your friends, is the choice of your company. Endeavour, as much as you can, to keep company with people above you: there you rise, as much as you sink with people below you; for (as I have mentioned before) you are whatever the company you keep is. Do not mistake, when I say company above you, and think that I mean with regard to their birth: that is the least consideration; but I mean with regard to their merit, and the light in which the world considers them

If a man has a mind to be thought wiser, and a woman handsomer, than they really are, their error is a comfortable one to themselves, and an innocent one with regard to other people; and I would rather make them my friends, by indulging them in it, than my enemies, by endeavoring (and that to no purpose) to undeceive them.

The more you know, the modester you should be: and (by-the-bye) that modesty is the surest way of gratifying: your vanity. Even where you are sure, seem rather doubtful; represent, but do not pronounce, and if you would convince others, seem open to conviction yourself.

The manner of doing things is often more important than the things themselves; and the very same thing may become either pleasing or offensive, by the manner of saying or doing it.

The end which I propose by your education, and which (if you please) I shall certainly attain, is to unite in you all the knowledge of a scholar with the manners of a courtier; and to join, what is seldom joined in any of my countrymen, books and the world.

that manners must adorn, knowledge, and smooth its way through the world. Like a great rough diamond,

Above all things, and upon all occasions, avoid speaking of yourself, if it be possible. Such is the natural pride and vanity of our hearts, that it perpetually breaks out, even in people of the best parts, in all the various modes and figures of the egotism.

The height of abilities is.... a frank, open, and ingenuous exterior, with a prudent and reserved interior; to be upon your own guard, and yet, by a seeming natural openness, to put people off theirs.

In order to know people’s real sentiments, I trust much more to my eyes than to my ears: for they can say whatever they have a mind I should hear; but they can seldom help looking what they have no intention that I should know.

Apropos of repeating; take great care never to repeat (I do not mean here the pleasantries) in one company what you hear in another.

In the mass of mankind, I fear, there is too great a majority of fools and knaves; who, singly from their number, must to a certain degree be respected, though they are by no means respectable. And a man who will show every knave or fool that he thinks him such, will engage in a most ruinous war, against numbers much superior to those that he and his allies can bring into the field. Abhor a knave, and pity a fool in your heart; but let neither of them unnecessarily see that you do so. Some complaisance and attention to fools is prudent, and not mean: as a silent abhorrence of individual knaves is often necessary, and not criminal.

the world can doubtless never be well known by theory; practice is absolutely necessary; but surely, it is of great use to a young man, before he sets out for that country, full of mazes, windings, and turnings, to have at least a general map of it, made by some experienced traveler.

Dryden very justly observes, Politicians neither love nor hate: This is so true, that you may think you connect yourself with two friends today, and be obliged tomorrow to make your option between them as enemies: observe, therefore, such a degree of reserve with your friends, as not to put yourself in their power, if they should become your enemies; and such a degree of moderation with your enemies, as not to make it im- possible for them to become your friends.

Reputation, like health, is preserved and increased by the same means by which it is acquired. Continue to desire and deserve praise, and you will certainly find it. Knowledge, adorned by manners, will infallibly procure it.

For my own part, I would rather be in company with a dead man, than with an absent one; for if the dead man gives me no pleasure, at least he shows me no contempt; whereas the absent man, silently indeed, but very plainly, tells me that he does not think me worth his attention.

In the evenings, I recommend to you the company of women of fashion, who have a right to attention, and will be paid it. Their company will smooth your manners, and give you a habit of attention and respect, of which you will find the advantage among men.

if you get up to five feet ten, or even nine inches, your figure will probably be a good one; and, if well dressed and genteel, will probably please; which is a much greater advantage to a man than people commonly think. Lord Bacon calls it a letter of recommendation.

Good manners are, to particular societies, what good morals are to society in general; their cement and their security.

Cicero says, very truly, that it is glorious to excel other men in that very article, in which men excel brutes; speech

Gain the heart, or you gain nothing; the eyes and the ears are the only roads to the heart. Merit and knowledge will not gain hearts, though they will secure them when gained. Pray have that truth ever in your mind. Engage the eyes by your address, air, and motions: soothe the ears by the elegancy and harmony of your diction; the heart will certainly follow; and the whole man, or woman, will as certainly follow the heart.

That with all the knowledge which you may have at present, or hereafter acquire, and with all the merit that ever man had, if you have not a graceful address, liberal and engaging manners, a pre-possessing air, and a good degree of eloquence in speaking and writing, you will be nobody; but will have the daily mortification of seeing people with not one-tenth part of your merit or knowledge, get the start of you, and disgrace you, both in company and in business

there are few things which people in general know less, than how to love and how to hate. They hurt those they love, by a mistaken indulgence, by a blindness, nay, often a partiality to their faults: where they hate, they hurt themselves, by ill-timed passion and rage.

Though men are all of one composition, the several ingredients are so differently proportioned in each individual, that no two are exactly alike; and no one at all times like himself. The ablest man will sometimes do weak things; the proudest man, mean things; the honestest man, ill things; and the wickedest man, good ones.

He who flatters them most, pleases them best; and they are most in love with him, who they think is the most in love with them.

There is nothing so delicate as your moral character, and nothing which it is your interest so much to preserve pure. Should you be suspected of injustice, malignity, perfidy, lying, etc., all the parts and knowledge in the world will never procure you esteem, friendship, or respect.

At all events, a man had better talk too much to women, than too little; they take silence for dulness,

To be heard with success, you must be heard with pleasure: words are the dress of thoughts; which should no more be presented in rags, tatters, and dirt, than your person should.

Style is the dress of thoughts; and a well-dressed thought, like a well-dressed man, appears to great advantage.

A versatility of manners is as necessary in social, as a versatility of parts is in political life. One must often yield, in order to prevail; one must humble one’s self, to be exalted; one must, like St. Paul, become all things to all men, to gain some;

In the course of the world, the qualifications of the chameleon are often necessary; nay, they must be carried a little farther, and exerted a little sooner; for you should, to a certain degree, take the hue of either the man or the woman that you want, and wish to be upon terms with.

You will, I both hope and believe, be not only the comfort, but the pride of my age; and I am sure I will be the support, the friend, the guide of your youth.

Whenever I go to an Opera, I leave my sense and reason at the door with my half-guinea and deliver myself up to my eyes and my ears.

I am now privileged by my age to taste and think for myself, and not to care what other people think of me in those respects; an advantage which youth, among its many advantages, hath not. It must occasionally and outwardly conform, to a certain degree, to established tastes, fashions, and decisions. A young man may, with a becoming modesty, dissent, in private companies, from public opinions and prejudices: but he must not attack them with warmth, nor magisterially set up his own sentiments against them. Endeavour to hear and know all opinions; receive them with complaisance; form your own with cool- ness, and give it with modesty.

our prejudices are our mistresses; reason is at best our wife, very often heard indeed, but seldom minded.

This knowledge of the world teaches us more particularly two things, both which are of infinite consequence, and to neither of which nature inclines us; I mean, the command of our temper, and of our countenance

it must go no farther than politeness and manners, and must stop short of assurances and professions of simulated friendship. Good manners, to those one does not love, are no more a breach of truth, than ‘your humble servant’ at the bottom of a challenge is; they are universally agreed upon and understood, to be things of course. They are necessary guards of the decency and peace of society; they must only act defensively; and then not with arms poisoned with perfidy. Truth, but not the whole truth, must be the invariable principle of every man who hath either religion, honour, or prudence. Those who violate it may be cunning, but they are not able. Lies and perfidy are the refuge of fools and cowards.

Half the business is done, when one has gained the heart and the affections of those with whom one is to transact it. Air and address must begin, manners and attention must finish that work.

I owe much more of the success which I have had in the world, to my manners, than to any superior degree of merit or knowledge. I desired to please, and I neglected none of the means. This, I can assure you, without any false modesty, is the truth.

my great object was to make every man I met with like me, and every woman love me.

Never seek for wit; if it presents itself, well and good; but even in that case, let your judgment interpose; and take care that it be not at the expense of any body. Pope says very truly, “There are whom Heaven has blest with store of wit, Yet want as much again to govern it.” And in another place, I doubt with too much truth: “For wit and judgment ever are at strife, Though meant each other’s aid, like man and wife.”

a free conversation will no more bear a Dictator than a free Government will.

The three commonest topics of conversation are Religion, Politics and News. All people think that they understand the two first perfectly, though they never studied either, and are therefore very apt to talk of them both, dogmatically and ignorantly, consequently with warmth.

A good character will be soiled at least by frequent contact with a bad one.

Be wiser and better than your contemporaries, but seem to take the world as it is, and men as they are,

Vulgar, coarse, and ill-chosen words will deform and degrade the best thoughts, as much as rags and dirt will the best figure.

Examine and analyse those thoughts that strike you the most, either in conversation or in books; and you will find, that they owe at least half their merit to the turn and expression of them.

Never to show the least symptom of resentment, which you cannot, to a certain degree, gratify; but always to smile, where you cannot strike.

By showing an unavailing and sullen resentment, you authorize the resentment of those who cannot hurt you, and whom you cannot hurt; and give them that very pretence, which perhaps they wished for, of breaking with, and injuring you; whereas the contrary behaviour would lay them under the restraints of decency at least; and either shackle or expose their malice. Besides, captiousness, sullenness, and pouting, are exceedingly illiberal and vulgar.

But eloquence will always please, and has always pleased. Study it therefore; make it the object of your thoughts and attention. Use yourself to relate elegantly; that is a good step towards speaking well in Parliament. Take some political subject, turn it in your thoughts, consider what may be said, both for and against it, then put those arguments into writing, in the most correct

[Cee · Rating 4 out of 5]

Dear old Philip just really wanted his illegitimate son to clean his teeth and become England's most successful orator.

[Rainier Moreno-Lacalle · Rating 5 out of 5]

Amazing book packed with father's genuine affection to his son, practical advice, medieval etiquettes, and 16th century politics. Many of the ideas in this book can be considered obsolete but in general the eerie feeling that your fathers loves you and wants you to be successful can be felt while reading this book.

[Jackson · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is the only self help book you need. Find 'The Best of [Chesterfield's] Letters'. I revisit it more often than I have any other book. Practical, brilliant, timeless. This is 1 in top 3 books of all times for me.

[Ties · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really enjoyed the letters. They are repetitive but offer an insight and inspiration that I don't encounter often.
The typos in the version I read were quite annoying though and they showed a lack of editorial attention when they converted this boom.

[Ray Almeida · Rating 4 out of 5]

An interesting book indeed. I read this book initially because some historical figures read this book themselves and were perhaps able to glean some life lessons from it. I used this book as a tool to better understand culture and priorities of those times. Though the people mentioned in the letters were generally all upper class citizens, I was amazed at the emphasis on learning and the perfecting of manners. The importance of letters and communication at the time was also notable, showing that they were very much appreciated and divulged many important pieces of information. The presence and prolific interest in foreign languages and affairs was also a key aspect of the time and place. The detail in which Chesterfield covered decorum and virtue was very interesting, and even helpful to todays interactions and expectations. Though perhaps people may be down on some of Chesterfield's generalizations for men and women, I think they are mostly accurate, despite any cultural rot that might have taken place since then. Humans are all similar in what may please and displease them. The exceptions generally prove the rule. The idea of truly moderating one's attitude and monitoring other's is astounding and a great study for people who wish to understand more of society's linguistic patterns.

Overall, though some parts may seem a bit repetitive or overbearing, the information Chesterfield offers is seemingly timeless in some particular ways, and is well worth a read.

[James · Rating 4 out of 5]

Our fortunes bear the great heft of how much we sacrifice to the Graces, for there is no better clay than a graceful one. We can all partake in the ascendant right of genteel breeding, good manners and gracious pleasing. As Stanhope astutely says, “Please the eyes and the ears, they will introduce you to the heart; and nine times in ten, the heart governs the understanding.”

Favourite paragraph:

Your time is, now particularly, inestimable; and every hour of it, at present, worth more than a year will be to you twenty years hence. You are now laying the foundation of your future character and fortune; and one single stone wanting in that foundation is of more consequence than fifty in the superstructure; which can always be mended and embellished if the foundation is solid. To carry on the metaphor of building: I would wish you to be a Corinthian edifice upon a Tuscan foundation; the latter having the utmost strength and solidity to support, and the former all possible ornaments to decorate. The Tuscan column is coarse, clumsy, and unpleasant; nobody looks at it twice; the Corinthian fluted column is beautiful and attractive; but without a solid foundation, can hardly be seen twice, because it must soon tumble down.

[Patrizia · Rating 2 out of 5]

Ho voluto leggere questo libro per averlo trovato citato da Elinor Glyn come una sorta di 'manuale', fondamentale per l'educazione di un'aspirante 'donna di mondo'. Non posso dire che sia stata una delusione, perché contiene un sacco di informazioni sulla storia del sei-settecento (le lettere risalgono, più o meno, al 1750), ma non sono riuscita ad apprezzare le varie prediche che Lord Chesterfield infligge al giovane figlio illegittimo, in giro per le corti d'Europa per la sua formazione di diplomatico. Per non parlare di quel che si dice delle donne! Il premuroso papà ha cura di aprire i suoi 'arcana' al ragazzino, spiegandogli che, benché sia necessario riverire e onorare le varie dame, non ci si deve aspettare da loro neppure un briciolo di cervello... E questo, in un periodo in cui molte intelligenze femminili 'illuminavano' gran parte dell'alta società degli stati europei.

[Noura Ragab · Rating 4 out of 5]

Lord Chesterfield’s Letters is a collection of letters written by Philip Stanhope to his illegitimate son in the 18th century. Lord Chesterfield was a great man with a sharp mind and timeless ideas. He lived his life depending on his wit and perseverance to be better than anyone his age, whether in knowledge, manners or appearance.

In his letters he treats his son as if he is the greatest project that he will ever work on even greater than himself; therefore, he’s always noting his own follies when he was at the same age in order for his son to avoid. He is quite meticulous to his son’s needs throughout his educational process to the extent that he pays attention to his food, lodging, attire and he even goes the extra mile to predict whom he may or may not interact with during his educational process by imagining different scenarios with people who shall be a bad influence on him or hinder his education. The letters are truly fascinating and influential even to this day. They tackle the conditional love of Philip Stanhope towards his son “Hitherto you have every possible proof of my affection, because you have deserved it: but, when you cease to deserve it, you may expect every possible mark of my resentment.” Most of the letters only reflect a cold father directing his son’s life and controlling it as if he was a principle and his son is merely a student in his school. He keeps on addressing the letters by “Dear Boy” instead of writing in a parental and sentimental tone. He threatens his son constantly in his letters and severely picks at every possible little fault he sees in his personality or appearance. In addition, he deeply distrusts him to the extent that he reminds him several times that he knows and is going to know about every single little detail that might happen during his son’s educational journey around Europe. He also goes the extra mile to remind him that he trusts his tutors over him, namely Mr. Harte, “If he complains, you must be guilty; and I shall not have the least regard for anything that you may allege in your own defence.” Despite his harshness and cold tone he never fails to admit his son’s commitment to his studies and his personal development by mentioning them at the beginning of some letters. Throughout this book he stresses the importance of manners and knowledge to achieve his lifelong goal of seeing him as a respectable diplomat and scholar.

By the end of the book, he gets more sentimental towards his son by addressing him “My Dear Friend” and switching the tone of the letters and the nature of their relationship from a principle and a student, to a father and his son whom he treats as his dearest friend. He also marks out several times that their relationship is better than any friendship his son could ever form because he is the only person in the world who’s gonna always notice his faults and not be embarrassed or ashamed to mention them to him in hopes of fixing them so that he could be a better person, even than he is, which shows his deep affection towards his son.

The book has been met with many criticism, claiming that the father wanted his son to know how to manipulate others and give much care to appearances in order to manipulate his way in society to be a respectable politician. This can be pointed out in his several attempts to mention that he should always please everyone around him by his manners, knowledge and appearance and work his way to their liking.

It’s a timeless piece of art that can be considered a parenting guide or a social advancement guide.

[Amelia · Rating 2 out of 5]

Read for True Lives course. Will analyze on Tuesday.
This guy was really full of himself, placed a lot of pressure on his son, and overall stated the same advice repeatedly yet with different words.

[April · Rating 4 out of 5]

I gave the book four stars due to it’s depth of thought. It was a slow read however and it took me a long time to get through it. Lord Chesterfield’s last latter was a good summation of his advice for life and a very good ending to his life story.

[Cherries LIN · Rating 2 out of 5]

I read the Chinese translation version
伯爵家書 切斯特菲爾

[Suprada Urval]

Recommended by: Ryan Holiday reading recommendation newsletter

[Ocean Freeman · Rating 3 out of 5]

Elegantly written and the content...........well entertaining.

[Don · Rating 4 out of 5]

More proof to my theory that parenting really has not changed througout history.

[Blunt Of Mercia · Rating 5 out of 5]

Necessary reading for a Gentleman's education.

[T.E. · Rating 5 out of 5]

Unironically this shit was crazy. I’m mad I have no one to talk about this with

[Massimo Piersanti · Rating 5 out of 5]

A series of letters from father to son, guiding him on how to live life and make his way in the world.

There are many parts of the book that I have disagreements with(it was written by an aristocrat in the 1700s), but it’s hard to find a better manual on how to schmooze and be conscious of your reputation.

At its core, its a father passing on his wisdom on how to be successful and live a moral life. Despite its failings, the book contains enough useful life lessons to get a 5 star review.

[Sam]

"If you give yourself time to think, and have sense enough to think right, two reflections must necessarily occur to you; the one is, that I have a great deal of experience, and that you have none: the other is, that I am the only man living who cannot have, directly or indirectly, any interest concerning you, but your own. From which two undeniable principles, the obvious and necessary conclusion is, that you ought, for your own sake, to attend to and follow my advice."

"Read and hear, for your amusement, ingenious systems, nice questions subtilly agitated, with all the refinements that warm imaginations suggest; but consider them only as exercitations for the mind, and turn always to settle with common sense."

"I dare assert too, in defiance of the favorers of the ancients, that Homer’s hero, Achilles, was both a brute and a scoundrel, and consequently an improper character for the hero of an epic poem; he had so little regard for his country, that he would not act in defense of it, because he had quarreled with Agamemnon about a w—-e; and then afterward, animated by private resentment only, he went about killing people basely, I will call it, because he knew himself invulnerable; and yet, invulnerable as he was, he wore the strongest armor in the world; which I humbly apprehend to be a blunder; for a horse-shoe clapped to his vulnerable heel would have been sufficient."

"No man tastes pleasures truly, who does not earn them by previous business, and few people do business well, who do nothing else."

[Dan Dumitrescu · Rating 3 out of 5]

Suaviter in modo, fortiter in re.

Trying to educate your son through letters is not exactly my kind of parenting but taking in consideration this happened in the XVIII century is a great opportunity to understand and compare the modus vivendi and unfortunately I discovered that civilisation didn't made much progress in the last three hundred of years.

The education starts from "Sapere est principium et fons" (Knowledge is the foundation and the source) in order to obtain "suaviter in modo, fortiter in re" (gentle in manner, strong in performance) and it goes thru all the classics and off course the peculiarities of that century in Europe.

I should have read it when I was in my 20's, maybe i would "Amoto quaeramus seria ludo" (pursue serious matters, put aside play) at an earlier stage in life.

[Grace Harwood · Rating 5 out of 5]

"The ways are generally crooked and full of turnings, sometimes strewed with flowers, sometimes choked up with briars; rotten ground and deep pits frequently lie concealed under a smooth and pleasing surface; all the paths are slippery, and every slip is dangerous." (p. 143) This is from just one of the letters of advice Lord Chesterfield sent to his illegitimate son, Philip Stanhope. Writing to him from when he was 7 years old, these letters are full of instructions in order to make this son a better person and a successful politician ("My object is to have you fit to live; which, if you are not, I do not desire that you should live at all."

As you can imagine, the "advice" in these letters (from this statesmen and politician who - like most statesmen and politicians - was as bent as a nine bob note) deal mainly with how to read mankind, how to get one over the next person, how to get what you want by dissembling and flattery, and how to treat women (who are, after all, according to this chap "just children of a larger growth").

When one reads the letters and charts Chesterfield's relationship with his son through them, one gets the sense that this poor lad must have literally dreaded the postman arriving. Whilst reading them, my overriding sensation was one of relief that my own father is a retired tax inspector (and not Lord Chesterfield). Chesterfield, during the early years of his son's life, alternately cajoles and threatens him into shape - wanting, it soon becomes clear, the impossible from the poor lad ("I fear the want of that amiable and engaging je ne sçais quoi"). Indeed, from the excellent introductory notes to this book, the poor boy did not enjoy that "engaging je ne scais quoi"). By all accounts, he was awkward and shy (or possibly just terrified of making a false step - his father had spies EVERYWHERE watching his every move). His son married in secret and spent most of his life trying to live as an ordinary chap. His maiden speech as a politician was a disaster. And this is where it gets interesting; because as everyone else was condemning him for this, at this point in time, Chesterfield defends him. His letter, consoling him over this disastrous speech, is almost kind. Then there is the relationship with his grandsons (when he finds out he has them that is - after his own son's death). He clearly dotes on them - not such a bad chap then?

I really recommend reading these letters for the fascinating insight into familial relationships of the upper-classes in the eighteenth-century; and also to make your own mind up about the relationship between this cold-hearted (?) man and his son.

[Karen-Leigh · Rating 4 out of 5]

Not originally intended for publication, the celebrated and controversial correspondences between Lord Chesterfield and his son Philip, dating from 1737, were praised in their day as a complete manual of education, and despised by Samuel Johnson for teaching "the morals of a whore and the manners of a dancing-master." Reflecting the political craft of a leading statesman and the urbane wit of a man who associated with Pope, Addison, and Swift, Lord Chesterfield's Letters reveal the author's political cynicism, his views on good breeding, and instruction to his son in etiquette and the worldly arts. The only annotated selection of this breadth available in paperback, these entertaining letters illuminate the fascinating aspects of eighteenth-century life and manners.

[John · Rating 5 out of 5]

I enjoyed Lord Chesterfield's Letters immensely. I am a little embarrassed to say that I had not heard of them until quite recently while reading Andre Aciman's Out of Egypt. The letters are written by Lord Chesterfield to his illegitimate son beginning in the late 1730s up to the son's death in the late 1760s. There are other letters mixed in to various acquaintances of Lord Chesterfield. I found these letters to be intelligent and well worth the time. There are extensive notes to help with the Latin and cultural references. I am tempted to say these letters are the male counterpart to Madame de Sévigné's letters to her daughter but I have not read those letters and so will not make the comparison.