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Above All, Be Kind: Raising a Humane Child in Challenging Times
Above All, Be Kind teaches parents how to raise their children to be humane in the broadest sense—to become not only more compassionate in their interactions with family and friends, but to grow up to make life choices that demonstrate respect for the environment, other species, and all people. The book includes chapters for early, middle, teenage, and young adult years, as well as activities, issue sidebars, cases, tips, and profiles. Zoe Weil is cofounder and President of the International Institute for Humane Education. She developed the first graduate program in humane education in the U.S. and conducts frequent humane education workshops. Author of several humane education books for young people, and a parent, she lives in Maine.
272 pages, Paperback
First published October 1, 2003
23 people are currently reading
810 people want to read
About the author
Zoe Weil
14 books62 followersZoe Weil is the co-founder and president of the Institute for Humane Education (IHE), where she created the first graduate programs (M.Ed., M.A., Ed.D., Graduate Certificate) in comprehensive Humane Education linking human rights, environmental sustainability, and animal protection, offered online through an affiliation with Antioch University.
Zoe is a frequent keynote speaker and has given six TEDx talks including her acclaimed TEDx, The World Becomes What You Teach. She is the author of seven books including "The Solutionary Way: Transform Your Life, Your Community and the World for the Better;" #1 Amazon best seller in the Philosophy and Social Aspects of Education, "The World Becomes What We Teach: Educating a Generation of Solutionaries;" Nautilus silver medal winner "Most Good, Least Harm;" Moonbeam gold medal winner "Claude and Medea;" and "Above All, Be Kind: Raising a Humane Child in Challenging Times."
Zoe is the 2023 recipient of the Spirit of America award and was named one of Maine Magazine’s 50 independent leaders transforming their communities and the state. She is the recipient of the Unity College Women in Environmental Leadership award, a subject of the Americans Who Tell the Truth portrait series, and was inducted into the Animal Rights hall of fame.
Zoe holds master’s degrees from Harvard Divinity School and the University of Pennsylvania and was awarded an honorary doctorate from Valparaiso University.
Zoe is a frequent keynote speaker and has given six TEDx talks including her acclaimed TEDx, The World Becomes What You Teach. She is the author of seven books including "The Solutionary Way: Transform Your Life, Your Community and the World for the Better;" #1 Amazon best seller in the Philosophy and Social Aspects of Education, "The World Becomes What We Teach: Educating a Generation of Solutionaries;" Nautilus silver medal winner "Most Good, Least Harm;" Moonbeam gold medal winner "Claude and Medea;" and "Above All, Be Kind: Raising a Humane Child in Challenging Times."
Zoe is the 2023 recipient of the Spirit of America award and was named one of Maine Magazine’s 50 independent leaders transforming their communities and the state. She is the recipient of the Unity College Women in Environmental Leadership award, a subject of the Americans Who Tell the Truth portrait series, and was inducted into the Animal Rights hall of fame.
Zoe holds master’s degrees from Harvard Divinity School and the University of Pennsylvania and was awarded an honorary doctorate from Valparaiso University.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 35 reviews
April 1, 2014
This is a wonderful book for parents that really emphasizes teaching children to be humane. The book is filled with anecdotes, advice and tips for practical application of the concepts.
At the end of the book, Zoe Weil offers a comprehensive questionnaire that will guide a parent to take steps to act more humanely and to live the concept of, "My life is my message.". She also offers different references, lists, facts and resources that show the damaging impacts of typical American consumerism. Finally, she offers a list of recommended books and organizations, as well as a link to her own website, www.IIHEd.org. [Note: I went to that website and I am not sure that link has anything to do with Zoe Weil, but a Google search turned up http://humaneeducation.org.]
The narrative encompasses the different ages of a person's life and how a parent can influence and shape their child's perceptions, behaviors, and attitudes. At times, I felt as if the author was going a bit off the deep end in her evangelical preaching of vegetarianism and eschewing materialistic desires and popular media. Still, I have to admit that I agree with her more than I don't.
If nothing else, this is a welcome reminder to be more kind, humane and mindful in our parenting and to model the behaviors we wish to see in our own children. I often feel as if I fail more often as a parent than I succeed, but I have to keep on trying to be the best role model for our girls. Every day is a new opportunity to do just that.
interesting quotes:
"Humane literally means 'having what are considered the best qualities of human beings.' The human child is not materialistic, cynical or snide, and the latest fad does not threaten to eclipse her deepest values. She sparkles with warmth and curiosity. She is gentle, yet also courageous and disciplined. Her spirit is vital, and her heart is full of love." (p. 3)
"...ten most commonly articulated qualities for living a humane life:
1. Willingness to choose and change
2. Kindness
3. Compassion
4. Honesty and trustworthiness
5. Generosity
6. Courage
7. Perseverance, self-discipline, and restraint
8. Humor and playfulness
9. Wisdom
10. Integrity" (p. 12)
"Kindness is magical. It changes everything." (p. 15)
"Compared to other industrialized countries, we save a tiny proportion of our income, and more people declare bankruptcy every year in the United States than graduate from college." (pp. 23-24)
"...four elements, which help us raise humane children...:
1. Providing information
2. Teaching critical thinking
3. Instilling reverence, respect, and responsibility
4. Offering positive choices (p. 34)
"Becoming a critical thinker means bringing both curiosity and a healthy dose of skepticism to all information, listening to many points of view, asking questions, and believing nothing until it has become true for you. It means learning how to discern fact from opinion and bringing a scientist's inquiring mind to life. Raising a child to be a critical thinker means encouraging her to ask questions and seek out answers." (pp. 39-40)
"Reverence invites us to feel deeply and intimately a profound appreciation for the world, for its people, its animals, its beauty, its mystery, and its complexity. To feel reverence is to experience wonder and awe. It is a powerful emotion that helps foster such qualities as compassion, patience, love, kindness, perseverance, restraint, and honesty. When we are deeply reverent, our actions become an expression of this powerful emotion." (p. 45)
(Mahatma Gandhi) "My life is my message." (p. 54)
"The more we divest ourselves of manufactured needs and desires, the happier and more peaceful we actually become. It's exhausting to want and pursue 'things,' far more exhausting in fact than being attentive to the true costs of our choices. As we free ourselves from attachments to material possessions, we also free ourselves to enjoy the true pleasures of life: relationships, real leisure, contemplation, hobbies, and often more fulfilling work." (p. 78)
"How many stuffed animals do our children need before they cannot cherish any because they are no longer precious and special? Showering our children with such toys does not really serve them, and these toys come at a cost to others around the globe. They are usually produced in other countries, often through sweatshop labor. Their raw materials, production, transportation, and distribution use up fossil fuels and eventually they wind up in landfills and incinerators." (p. 110)
"Teach your child to be a CRITIC. Professor Wayne Bartz has come up with a method to teach students to be critical thinkers. CRITIC stands for Claim? Role of the claimant? Information backing the claim? Test? Independent testing? Cause proposed?" (p. 127)
"Ocean learned several powerful lessons that day. The first lesson was that there are no bad people, just people who have been hurt. He also learned that love requires action, "a strong 'no' as well as a strong 'yes.'" He was taught that it was not all right to ignore suffering." (p. 182)
"He learned from her that relationships are not meant to serve his personal needs and convenience but demand patience, care, and compassion." (pp. 184-185)
"Our children may not remember many details of how they were parented, but they will be able to recall the salient features, and perhaps they, too, may recollect a single moment when they learned a lesson from us that steered them toward compassion and kindness. But while there will be pivotal moments when we teach our children something that changes the course of their lives, it is the daily rituals that will likely have the biggest influence. Given the repeated emphasis on the dinner time rituals in the lives of these young adults, I'm beginning to think that what happens around the dinner table has more impact than perhaps any other ritual in the lives of our children. It seems that when families share their ideas and values around the table and listen respectfully to each other, the seeds for much humane living are planted. I would not have imagined when I began this book that such a simple routine - dinner time - could be so important. Yet this daily connection with our children, the ritual of caring, stimulating, and open discussion, repeated night after night, matters enormously.' (p. 202)
...we do have a say about which world our children will inherit, and we also have the power to influence which world they will ultimately create. When we choose to raise our children to be humane, we cultivate in them the qualities that will contribute to the creation of a world in which restoration, generosity, and prosperity take hold and entrenched problems yield to successful and peaceful solutions. In so doing, we help bring about a society in which our children can succeed, thrive, and contribute." (p. 204)
At the end of the book, Zoe Weil offers a comprehensive questionnaire that will guide a parent to take steps to act more humanely and to live the concept of, "My life is my message.". She also offers different references, lists, facts and resources that show the damaging impacts of typical American consumerism. Finally, she offers a list of recommended books and organizations, as well as a link to her own website, www.IIHEd.org. [Note: I went to that website and I am not sure that link has anything to do with Zoe Weil, but a Google search turned up http://humaneeducation.org.]
The narrative encompasses the different ages of a person's life and how a parent can influence and shape their child's perceptions, behaviors, and attitudes. At times, I felt as if the author was going a bit off the deep end in her evangelical preaching of vegetarianism and eschewing materialistic desires and popular media. Still, I have to admit that I agree with her more than I don't.
If nothing else, this is a welcome reminder to be more kind, humane and mindful in our parenting and to model the behaviors we wish to see in our own children. I often feel as if I fail more often as a parent than I succeed, but I have to keep on trying to be the best role model for our girls. Every day is a new opportunity to do just that.
interesting quotes:
"Humane literally means 'having what are considered the best qualities of human beings.' The human child is not materialistic, cynical or snide, and the latest fad does not threaten to eclipse her deepest values. She sparkles with warmth and curiosity. She is gentle, yet also courageous and disciplined. Her spirit is vital, and her heart is full of love." (p. 3)
"...ten most commonly articulated qualities for living a humane life:
1. Willingness to choose and change
2. Kindness
3. Compassion
4. Honesty and trustworthiness
5. Generosity
6. Courage
7. Perseverance, self-discipline, and restraint
8. Humor and playfulness
9. Wisdom
10. Integrity" (p. 12)
"Kindness is magical. It changes everything." (p. 15)
"Compared to other industrialized countries, we save a tiny proportion of our income, and more people declare bankruptcy every year in the United States than graduate from college." (pp. 23-24)
"...four elements, which help us raise humane children...:
1. Providing information
2. Teaching critical thinking
3. Instilling reverence, respect, and responsibility
4. Offering positive choices (p. 34)
"Becoming a critical thinker means bringing both curiosity and a healthy dose of skepticism to all information, listening to many points of view, asking questions, and believing nothing until it has become true for you. It means learning how to discern fact from opinion and bringing a scientist's inquiring mind to life. Raising a child to be a critical thinker means encouraging her to ask questions and seek out answers." (pp. 39-40)
"Reverence invites us to feel deeply and intimately a profound appreciation for the world, for its people, its animals, its beauty, its mystery, and its complexity. To feel reverence is to experience wonder and awe. It is a powerful emotion that helps foster such qualities as compassion, patience, love, kindness, perseverance, restraint, and honesty. When we are deeply reverent, our actions become an expression of this powerful emotion." (p. 45)
(Mahatma Gandhi) "My life is my message." (p. 54)
"The more we divest ourselves of manufactured needs and desires, the happier and more peaceful we actually become. It's exhausting to want and pursue 'things,' far more exhausting in fact than being attentive to the true costs of our choices. As we free ourselves from attachments to material possessions, we also free ourselves to enjoy the true pleasures of life: relationships, real leisure, contemplation, hobbies, and often more fulfilling work." (p. 78)
"How many stuffed animals do our children need before they cannot cherish any because they are no longer precious and special? Showering our children with such toys does not really serve them, and these toys come at a cost to others around the globe. They are usually produced in other countries, often through sweatshop labor. Their raw materials, production, transportation, and distribution use up fossil fuels and eventually they wind up in landfills and incinerators." (p. 110)
"Teach your child to be a CRITIC. Professor Wayne Bartz has come up with a method to teach students to be critical thinkers. CRITIC stands for Claim? Role of the claimant? Information backing the claim? Test? Independent testing? Cause proposed?" (p. 127)
"Ocean learned several powerful lessons that day. The first lesson was that there are no bad people, just people who have been hurt. He also learned that love requires action, "a strong 'no' as well as a strong 'yes.'" He was taught that it was not all right to ignore suffering." (p. 182)
"He learned from her that relationships are not meant to serve his personal needs and convenience but demand patience, care, and compassion." (pp. 184-185)
"Our children may not remember many details of how they were parented, but they will be able to recall the salient features, and perhaps they, too, may recollect a single moment when they learned a lesson from us that steered them toward compassion and kindness. But while there will be pivotal moments when we teach our children something that changes the course of their lives, it is the daily rituals that will likely have the biggest influence. Given the repeated emphasis on the dinner time rituals in the lives of these young adults, I'm beginning to think that what happens around the dinner table has more impact than perhaps any other ritual in the lives of our children. It seems that when families share their ideas and values around the table and listen respectfully to each other, the seeds for much humane living are planted. I would not have imagined when I began this book that such a simple routine - dinner time - could be so important. Yet this daily connection with our children, the ritual of caring, stimulating, and open discussion, repeated night after night, matters enormously.' (p. 202)
...we do have a say about which world our children will inherit, and we also have the power to influence which world they will ultimately create. When we choose to raise our children to be humane, we cultivate in them the qualities that will contribute to the creation of a world in which restoration, generosity, and prosperity take hold and entrenched problems yield to successful and peaceful solutions. In so doing, we help bring about a society in which our children can succeed, thrive, and contribute." (p. 204)
May 2, 2016
After delaying for close to two years, I finally pulled this book off my shelf and read it last month. I stalled so long because of two fears: first, that the book would be another mindless collection of empty platitudes (like so many other parenting books before it) or, conversely, that it would fully live up to its promise and make me feel like an utter failure as a parent. In a sense, the book's mediocrity came as a relief.
The book's middling success isn't really its fault: it just so happens that we already practice so many of the techniques and tactics prescribed here that I felt as though I were reading "Parenting 101". I don't disagree with anything the author suggests in the first half of the book, I just didn't mind it particularly insightful or thought-provoking.
The latter half of the book was more interesting, especially the sections on tweens and adolescents. While some of her language is a bit cloying, Weil does generally employ a bluntness that I found refreshing. I was also pleasantly surprised by her steadfast refusal to encourage any sort of moralizing, judgmentalism or authoritarian approaches to parenting, while steering mercifully clear of advocating "free-range" (AKA laissez-faire) childrearing.
On the whole, this book was a pleasant read which I found marginally useful but others might get a great deal more out of it.
The book's middling success isn't really its fault: it just so happens that we already practice so many of the techniques and tactics prescribed here that I felt as though I were reading "Parenting 101". I don't disagree with anything the author suggests in the first half of the book, I just didn't mind it particularly insightful or thought-provoking.
The latter half of the book was more interesting, especially the sections on tweens and adolescents. While some of her language is a bit cloying, Weil does generally employ a bluntness that I found refreshing. I was also pleasantly surprised by her steadfast refusal to encourage any sort of moralizing, judgmentalism or authoritarian approaches to parenting, while steering mercifully clear of advocating "free-range" (AKA laissez-faire) childrearing.
On the whole, this book was a pleasant read which I found marginally useful but others might get a great deal more out of it.
February 10, 2009
One of the better parenting books I've read by a socially progressive, vegetarian author. Contains no homophobia, overt Christian messages, or anti-pornography or anti-sex rants (though she does advocate treating sexuality with seriousness and respect). Her argument that children need to learn to live their lives with greater intentionality and according to a moral compass is based more in a principle of consideration for others and oneself rather than in negative proscriptions. Encourages teaching children how to think independently, morally, and rationally.
September 6, 2011
This book gave me so much more then I expected. Living humanely means to encompass all the best qualities of being human: kindness, compassion, honesty, willingness to change, generosity, courage, self discipline, humor, wisdom and integrity ... of course being all of that all the time is not realistic but, learning to have most qualities most of the time can be. It's the kind of book I'll want to read again to remind myself and reinforce the messages.
This book teaches the four elements of humane education:
1. provide information
2. teach critical thinking
3. instill the 3 R's of reverence, respect and responsibility
4. offer positive choices
The overall message is how to raise (yourself and) your children to be humane in the broadest sense: to become not only compassionate in your interactions with family and friends, but to grow up and make life choices that demonstrate respect for the environment, other species and all people. It is full of real life experiences as well as helpful stats on health, animal suffering, world hunger, consumerism, sweat shop labor. This isn't a lengthy section, and the author does not insist we live every choice humanely but, for me, i felt it was important information to read and learn about.
This book teaches the four elements of humane education:
1. provide information
2. teach critical thinking
3. instill the 3 R's of reverence, respect and responsibility
4. offer positive choices
The overall message is how to raise (yourself and) your children to be humane in the broadest sense: to become not only compassionate in your interactions with family and friends, but to grow up and make life choices that demonstrate respect for the environment, other species and all people. It is full of real life experiences as well as helpful stats on health, animal suffering, world hunger, consumerism, sweat shop labor. This isn't a lengthy section, and the author does not insist we live every choice humanely but, for me, i felt it was important information to read and learn about.
June 27, 2012
You may wonder why I am reading a parenting book. After all, my three feline “children” will never learn to be kind, neither to each other nor to the small animals and bugs they find, so that’s a lost cause. However, I purchased this book for my library, so I felt obligated to read it, and I am also a great fan of Ms. Weil’s, having attended a wonderful participatory lecture she hosted. This is an informational and fun book, a sort of Most Good, Least Harm for parents and those who work with children and teens.
Weil has some really great ideas about incorporating ethical behavior into everyday life. For example,
Teach your child to be a product sleuth. During the middle years, most children like to be investigators. They take pride in their ability to understand new information and make clever connections and decisions. When you go shopping, teach your child how to read labels.
What a great idea. Inspired by my beloved Nancy Drew novels, I recall going through a “detective phase” around age 10. I loved anything involving mysteries and “clues,” and if the popular juvenile lit books in my library are any indication, solving mysteries is still a common pastime among kids of this age group. Weil advocates helping youngsters use their “detective skills” to scout labels in order to find more humane products—those that are healthier, not tested on animals, and sweatshop-free.
At certain points, however, Weil is not always so insightful. After writing a harrowing description of a heartbreaking scene she witnessed at the now-defunct Hegins Pigeon Shoot—in which an enraged father forced his crying child to watch pigeons being shot and dismembered, Weil writes…
Hegins no longer holds an annual slaughter of pigeons. The Pennsylvania legislature has made such shoots illegal …
While it’s true that the town of Hegins no longer holds its infamous fundraiser, some private gun clubs in Pennsylvania continue this cruel and senseless tradition. Are children witnesses to these contests of cruelty? Who knows, the private clubs do not allow outsider filming.
Later, when talking about the unrealistic role models young boys have today, she mentions Rambo and the Terminator. I’d like to mention that the teenagers who cheered on Rambo and the Terminator in their big-screen debuts are now middle aged people with teenagers of their own. I seriously doubt the iPod generation is terribly concerned about emulating that lazy-eyed old dude on their parents’ DVDs or the governor of California, do you?
Weil covers a gamut of ethical dilemmas parents might face, including finding pornography on a teenager’s computer. Weil proposes a way of dealing with this that informs teens that these images do not reflect the reality of relationships (true) and that communicates what she sees as the “sacredness” of sex (meh). While it’s true that sex should be not taken lightly because of its serious consequences, to describe the act as “sacred” is way too starry-eyed for me. Frankly, the sexual act is pretty damn silly, and from an objective perspective looks and sounds utterly ridiculous. Sure it’s fun. So’s eating an ice cream cone. It doesn’t make it any less stupid looking.
Weil often refers to individuals she has met and taught, and these stories are mostly a joy to read. I found the story about Ellen and her son David especially interesting:
[Ellen] was calling me to ask if I would consider teaching another course that David could take after school. As we talked, it became apparent that Ellen didn’t agree with some of the things I’d taught her son. For one, her training as a physician had left her with a different opinion about the ethics and worth of animal testing, a topic we had discussed one day in class. For another, her son’s shift to vegetarianism in a meat-eating household created more work for her. Surprised by her desire to have me continue as her child’s teacher, I asked her why she was so enthusiastic about my course and why she wanted me to teach David during the school year. “Are you kidding?” she responded. “He’s not into drugs, and he wants to change the world!”
Wow. What strength Ellen shows by acknowledging that as her son grows, his values may be different from hers, but still allowing him to take his own path. Contrast with this the behavior of anti-animal crusader Kathleen Marquardt, who was so enraged by humane education materials that she formed a now-defunct group called “Putting People First,” which used its industry-supported budget to lobby on behalf of everything from whaling to cockfighting. Quite different reactions there.
At the end of the book, Weil writes short bios of young adults who grew up in households that stuck to a “most good, least harm” principle. I had to chuckle at this line:
Dani grew up believing that ‘hate’ was a profanity…
I was taught the same thing, although it made it quite difficult when “hate” was one of my spelling words in 1st grade…
Weil has some really great ideas about incorporating ethical behavior into everyday life. For example,
Teach your child to be a product sleuth. During the middle years, most children like to be investigators. They take pride in their ability to understand new information and make clever connections and decisions. When you go shopping, teach your child how to read labels.
What a great idea. Inspired by my beloved Nancy Drew novels, I recall going through a “detective phase” around age 10. I loved anything involving mysteries and “clues,” and if the popular juvenile lit books in my library are any indication, solving mysteries is still a common pastime among kids of this age group. Weil advocates helping youngsters use their “detective skills” to scout labels in order to find more humane products—those that are healthier, not tested on animals, and sweatshop-free.
At certain points, however, Weil is not always so insightful. After writing a harrowing description of a heartbreaking scene she witnessed at the now-defunct Hegins Pigeon Shoot—in which an enraged father forced his crying child to watch pigeons being shot and dismembered, Weil writes…
Hegins no longer holds an annual slaughter of pigeons. The Pennsylvania legislature has made such shoots illegal …
While it’s true that the town of Hegins no longer holds its infamous fundraiser, some private gun clubs in Pennsylvania continue this cruel and senseless tradition. Are children witnesses to these contests of cruelty? Who knows, the private clubs do not allow outsider filming.
Later, when talking about the unrealistic role models young boys have today, she mentions Rambo and the Terminator. I’d like to mention that the teenagers who cheered on Rambo and the Terminator in their big-screen debuts are now middle aged people with teenagers of their own. I seriously doubt the iPod generation is terribly concerned about emulating that lazy-eyed old dude on their parents’ DVDs or the governor of California, do you?
Weil covers a gamut of ethical dilemmas parents might face, including finding pornography on a teenager’s computer. Weil proposes a way of dealing with this that informs teens that these images do not reflect the reality of relationships (true) and that communicates what she sees as the “sacredness” of sex (meh). While it’s true that sex should be not taken lightly because of its serious consequences, to describe the act as “sacred” is way too starry-eyed for me. Frankly, the sexual act is pretty damn silly, and from an objective perspective looks and sounds utterly ridiculous. Sure it’s fun. So’s eating an ice cream cone. It doesn’t make it any less stupid looking.
Weil often refers to individuals she has met and taught, and these stories are mostly a joy to read. I found the story about Ellen and her son David especially interesting:
[Ellen] was calling me to ask if I would consider teaching another course that David could take after school. As we talked, it became apparent that Ellen didn’t agree with some of the things I’d taught her son. For one, her training as a physician had left her with a different opinion about the ethics and worth of animal testing, a topic we had discussed one day in class. For another, her son’s shift to vegetarianism in a meat-eating household created more work for her. Surprised by her desire to have me continue as her child’s teacher, I asked her why she was so enthusiastic about my course and why she wanted me to teach David during the school year. “Are you kidding?” she responded. “He’s not into drugs, and he wants to change the world!”
Wow. What strength Ellen shows by acknowledging that as her son grows, his values may be different from hers, but still allowing him to take his own path. Contrast with this the behavior of anti-animal crusader Kathleen Marquardt, who was so enraged by humane education materials that she formed a now-defunct group called “Putting People First,” which used its industry-supported budget to lobby on behalf of everything from whaling to cockfighting. Quite different reactions there.
At the end of the book, Weil writes short bios of young adults who grew up in households that stuck to a “most good, least harm” principle. I had to chuckle at this line:
Dani grew up believing that ‘hate’ was a profanity…
I was taught the same thing, although it made it quite difficult when “hate” was one of my spelling words in 1st grade…
May 14, 2010
I really liked this book and recommend it to all parents and folks who care for children! Weil has carefully crafted a humane education curriculum to help kids learn how to make compassionate choices, and this book shares the best of what she's learned from her experiences. It's packed with complex examples of challenges that parents run into with kids of different ages, showing very clearly how parents can help their children learn to make decisions for themselves with great kindness and wisdom.
I take issue with the author's use of the word "reverence" (as in "reverence for life") because I think it gives her book an air of religiousness that may turn off some readers. However, she means it in the most open, broad way possible - if you can imagine being awe-struck by seeing a redwood forest, you'll be fine with the way she uses this term.
If every parent (and prospective parent) and educator read this book, I believe we'd have a better world. It teaches us not to force our values onto our children, but rather, to help our children self-actualize into compassionate, critical thinkers so they'll be able to create a more peaceful world in the future.
I take issue with the author's use of the word "reverence" (as in "reverence for life") because I think it gives her book an air of religiousness that may turn off some readers. However, she means it in the most open, broad way possible - if you can imagine being awe-struck by seeing a redwood forest, you'll be fine with the way she uses this term.
If every parent (and prospective parent) and educator read this book, I believe we'd have a better world. It teaches us not to force our values onto our children, but rather, to help our children self-actualize into compassionate, critical thinkers so they'll be able to create a more peaceful world in the future.
January 25, 2013
This is a tough book for me to rate, because I like the premise and ideas, but there were things that just didn't work for me.
Some of the scenarios were so overdone it seemed like I was watching one of those after-school specials that have the big moral lesson at the end. I think the author could have gotten her point across just as well (or perhaps better) if she hadn't been so heavy-handed at points.
My favorite thing about the book was her theme throughout of, "My life is my message," (a quote from Ghandi that she borrows). This is what really touched home with me. So often parents spend their time telling their kids what to do and what not to do, what's appropriate and what's not - while acting in ways that don't reflect those values. The author stresses the importance of making sure that your actions and words are the same. You can't tell your child to treat animals with respect, then hit the dog if he barks. I'm always thinking about this now, and wondering what message my actions are sending, and if it's the message I want others to get from me.
I always liked how broadly the other defines kindness. I had assumed it was about kindness to animals (a cause near and dear to my heart). And while that is certainly a part of it, the author also incorporates kindness to others and to the planet, and ties them all together nicely.
So overall it was a good read for me. I don't think it's one I'll return to in the future, because I think I've gotten out of it all that I can. But I certainly enjoyed it and have some great take-aways.
(One minor annoyance is the author's opinion of not having more than one child, because of the worry of overpopulation. I don't necessarily disagree with having a small family, it's just not for everyone, and I don't think choosing to have a large family means that you're not acting with kindness.)
Some of the scenarios were so overdone it seemed like I was watching one of those after-school specials that have the big moral lesson at the end. I think the author could have gotten her point across just as well (or perhaps better) if she hadn't been so heavy-handed at points.
My favorite thing about the book was her theme throughout of, "My life is my message," (a quote from Ghandi that she borrows). This is what really touched home with me. So often parents spend their time telling their kids what to do and what not to do, what's appropriate and what's not - while acting in ways that don't reflect those values. The author stresses the importance of making sure that your actions and words are the same. You can't tell your child to treat animals with respect, then hit the dog if he barks. I'm always thinking about this now, and wondering what message my actions are sending, and if it's the message I want others to get from me.
I always liked how broadly the other defines kindness. I had assumed it was about kindness to animals (a cause near and dear to my heart). And while that is certainly a part of it, the author also incorporates kindness to others and to the planet, and ties them all together nicely.
So overall it was a good read for me. I don't think it's one I'll return to in the future, because I think I've gotten out of it all that I can. But I certainly enjoyed it and have some great take-aways.
(One minor annoyance is the author's opinion of not having more than one child, because of the worry of overpopulation. I don't necessarily disagree with having a small family, it's just not for everyone, and I don't think choosing to have a large family means that you're not acting with kindness.)
October 19, 2012
Definitely an interesting read and a worthwhile read. She gives lots of scenarios and how parents dealt with them - she even includes a few brief interview with kids who are humane and what their parents did to get them there.
I'm glad I read it. I wrote down a few other books to read from her recommended reading section. Also has a few facts on sweatshop labor, child labor, etc, etc to get you thinking about how what you are doing every day impacts the great world outside your door and on the other side of the planet.
The only downfall, is every example she uses works out perfectly and well and beautifully and wonderfully. Now, chances are, you aren't going to talk to your child about something and have it end so perfectly - however she does acknowledge that at one point and says if it doesn't go so smoothly at your house, just keep trying. Which I did like, but it would have been nice to read about a family who had to keep trying too, ya know? Also, and this is totally personal and not because the author is a bad writer, but she clearly has issue with people eating meat. The topic of vegetarianism comes up time and time again. The kids she interviews in the back, she makes a point of saying in each of their blurbs when they became vegetarian - I admit, it got old. It felt like her first goal with the book was to teach you to raise a humane child and the second goal was to convert all readers to vegetarianism. I have nothing against it, and have cut back on meat at our house, but we'll probably never go completely meat free and I felt like I was being preached at a bit on the topic. That, is totally me. You might read it and not notice it, but it kept jumping out at me on the page!
Anyway, I think the biggest impact the book left on me is that I can talk to my children about some of these issues - at age appropriate and I can say to them we are picking this product because we not only like it but we believe in the values of the company. And that kids can get involved in some bigger issues even at younger ages and if we see a spark like that in our child, run with it with them, even if you don't necessarily agree with them. (An example in the child protests against animal testing but his mom is a doctor who believes animal testing is important for humans in the long run. The mom didn't agree with her son, but she didn't try to squelch his passion for it either).
Anyway, I give it 4 out 5. And really would encourage you to read the book as well!
I'm glad I read it. I wrote down a few other books to read from her recommended reading section. Also has a few facts on sweatshop labor, child labor, etc, etc to get you thinking about how what you are doing every day impacts the great world outside your door and on the other side of the planet.
The only downfall, is every example she uses works out perfectly and well and beautifully and wonderfully. Now, chances are, you aren't going to talk to your child about something and have it end so perfectly - however she does acknowledge that at one point and says if it doesn't go so smoothly at your house, just keep trying. Which I did like, but it would have been nice to read about a family who had to keep trying too, ya know? Also, and this is totally personal and not because the author is a bad writer, but she clearly has issue with people eating meat. The topic of vegetarianism comes up time and time again. The kids she interviews in the back, she makes a point of saying in each of their blurbs when they became vegetarian - I admit, it got old. It felt like her first goal with the book was to teach you to raise a humane child and the second goal was to convert all readers to vegetarianism. I have nothing against it, and have cut back on meat at our house, but we'll probably never go completely meat free and I felt like I was being preached at a bit on the topic. That, is totally me. You might read it and not notice it, but it kept jumping out at me on the page!
Anyway, I think the biggest impact the book left on me is that I can talk to my children about some of these issues - at age appropriate and I can say to them we are picking this product because we not only like it but we believe in the values of the company. And that kids can get involved in some bigger issues even at younger ages and if we see a spark like that in our child, run with it with them, even if you don't necessarily agree with them. (An example in the child protests against animal testing but his mom is a doctor who believes animal testing is important for humans in the long run. The mom didn't agree with her son, but she didn't try to squelch his passion for it either).
Anyway, I give it 4 out 5. And really would encourage you to read the book as well!
August 31, 2012
Although this book has been previously reviewed as a "parenting book," I have looked at this book as a concerned citizen and educator who believes it takes a "village to raise a child." One need not be a parent to pick up this book to reap benefits.
If you look at any point in history, people may have described their lives as "challenging" and difficult. Times of challenge can be reflective of times of change in the world. In today's world, for example, there are so many developments and changes that have never existed before. We have different and evolving technologies, education systems, governance, media channels, socio-economic conditions, cultural changes-exchanges and so much more. The state of the world as it is today is simply not quite the same as it is was before. It will never be. Change is inevitable.
Despite all the changes in the world, from past to present, there is one timeless education that every child should unquestionably have as part of his or her upbringing and child development. The key is compassion. Compassion education supports a child's ability to adapt to changes in the world and the challenging times by empowering them to have the social and emotional maturity, the desire for fact-based knowledge and decision making skills to consider choices and values that are aligned with greater kindness to self, others and the world at large. This kind of education supports a child who will live a future that promotes peace, justice, humanity and sustainability. Compassion is a kind of human competency that is not addressed by any education system that cares more about test scores than about the quality of learning and character of a child. But compassion is a capacity in human development that balances reason with true caring and love, which is necessary to promote peace, health and well-being of individuals and societies.
I find that "Above all, Be Kind: Raising a Humane Child in Challenging Times" to be accessible to just about anyone, no matter one's background, age or lifestyle. I highly recommend this book for parents and non-parents alike who are concerned about children and their future.
If you look at any point in history, people may have described their lives as "challenging" and difficult. Times of challenge can be reflective of times of change in the world. In today's world, for example, there are so many developments and changes that have never existed before. We have different and evolving technologies, education systems, governance, media channels, socio-economic conditions, cultural changes-exchanges and so much more. The state of the world as it is today is simply not quite the same as it is was before. It will never be. Change is inevitable.
Despite all the changes in the world, from past to present, there is one timeless education that every child should unquestionably have as part of his or her upbringing and child development. The key is compassion. Compassion education supports a child's ability to adapt to changes in the world and the challenging times by empowering them to have the social and emotional maturity, the desire for fact-based knowledge and decision making skills to consider choices and values that are aligned with greater kindness to self, others and the world at large. This kind of education supports a child who will live a future that promotes peace, justice, humanity and sustainability. Compassion is a kind of human competency that is not addressed by any education system that cares more about test scores than about the quality of learning and character of a child. But compassion is a capacity in human development that balances reason with true caring and love, which is necessary to promote peace, health and well-being of individuals and societies.
I find that "Above all, Be Kind: Raising a Humane Child in Challenging Times" to be accessible to just about anyone, no matter one's background, age or lifestyle. I highly recommend this book for parents and non-parents alike who are concerned about children and their future.
January 18, 2013
This book was different than what I was expecting.
The author believes there are 4 elements to raising a humane child:
*Providing information
*Teaching critical thinking
*Instilling reverence, respect and responsibility
*Offering positive choices
Basically the parent should model good behavior/their message and promote critical thinking positive choices. Involve yourself and your children in things in your community that promote values and community (volunteer with nonprofits, join a food coop, etc.).
Inspire reverence by taking your kids into nature, having a garden, camping, having appreciation (before dinner each person says something they are grateful for), read stories about inspiring people/characters.
It makes sense but reading some of the accompanying stories I could not see myself responding so well to the situations. It felt like these crunchy, noble, wise parents. I didn't always believe it would turn out so well....I was left wondering what is really going on in some of children's lives. Like when one dad realizes his kid is hanging out with a bad crowd and maybe doing drugs. It also made me realize their are a ton of situations I would have no idea how to react to---like catching my son watching porno.
Overall not what I was looking for exactly but many of the tips about modeling the message and respect and reverence are good reminders to walk the talk.
The author believes there are 4 elements to raising a humane child:
*Providing information
*Teaching critical thinking
*Instilling reverence, respect and responsibility
*Offering positive choices
Basically the parent should model good behavior/their message and promote critical thinking positive choices. Involve yourself and your children in things in your community that promote values and community (volunteer with nonprofits, join a food coop, etc.).
Inspire reverence by taking your kids into nature, having a garden, camping, having appreciation (before dinner each person says something they are grateful for), read stories about inspiring people/characters.
It makes sense but reading some of the accompanying stories I could not see myself responding so well to the situations. It felt like these crunchy, noble, wise parents. I didn't always believe it would turn out so well....I was left wondering what is really going on in some of children's lives. Like when one dad realizes his kid is hanging out with a bad crowd and maybe doing drugs. It also made me realize their are a ton of situations I would have no idea how to react to---like catching my son watching porno.
Overall not what I was looking for exactly but many of the tips about modeling the message and respect and reverence are good reminders to walk the talk.
February 8, 2013
Intensely earnest, well-meant little book, but I was really weirded out by all of the faux-anecdotal parenting stories, and pretty offended by the one about "Brian, Charlene and Bill," which described one teenager flirting with a "cult" full of full time religious "devotees" that seemed to be a very thinly-veiled average Buddhist monastery. I imagine a lot of American parents, even hippy-dippy ones like the author, look on Buddhist monks and nuns as cult devotees, but I found this very inconsistent with the book's message about respect for all people.
I expected a lot more talk about developing spirituality in children and teens, but the book was annoyingly vague about any sort of religion or spirituality. The talk about helping children develop ethics also takes the stance that the author's own ethics (i.e. buying organic, thrifting, vegetarian) are the ultimate ones to achieve in a child.
However, I found the examples of how to talk a child through ethical quandaries to be helpful.
I expected a lot more talk about developing spirituality in children and teens, but the book was annoyingly vague about any sort of religion or spirituality. The talk about helping children develop ethics also takes the stance that the author's own ethics (i.e. buying organic, thrifting, vegetarian) are the ultimate ones to achieve in a child.
However, I found the examples of how to talk a child through ethical quandaries to be helpful.
July 17, 2017
The four elements to raising humane children are:
1) Providing information: This can be about a particular subject or generally being inquisitive.
2) Teaching critical thinking: Bring curiosity and skepticism to all information, listening to many points of view and asking questions.
3) Instilling reverence, respect, and responsibility
4)Offering positive choices
Reverence (emotion)-->Respect (attitude)-->Responsibility (act)
Reverence invites us to feel deeply and intimately a profound appreciation for the world, for its people, its animals, its beauty, mystery, and its complexity. It is a powerful emotion that helps foster such qualities of compassion, patience, love, kindness, perseverance, restraint, and honesty. 45
Ask yourself these 4 questions:
1. Am I seeking out and providing important information to my child?
2. Am I teaching my child to think critically?
3. Am I nurturing reverence, inspiring respect, and instilling responsibility in age appropriate ways?
4. Does my child understand that she has choices to improve herself and the world?
1) Providing information: This can be about a particular subject or generally being inquisitive.
2) Teaching critical thinking: Bring curiosity and skepticism to all information, listening to many points of view and asking questions.
3) Instilling reverence, respect, and responsibility
4)Offering positive choices
Reverence (emotion)-->Respect (attitude)-->Responsibility (act)
Reverence invites us to feel deeply and intimately a profound appreciation for the world, for its people, its animals, its beauty, mystery, and its complexity. It is a powerful emotion that helps foster such qualities of compassion, patience, love, kindness, perseverance, restraint, and honesty. 45
Ask yourself these 4 questions:
1. Am I seeking out and providing important information to my child?
2. Am I teaching my child to think critically?
3. Am I nurturing reverence, inspiring respect, and instilling responsibility in age appropriate ways?
4. Does my child understand that she has choices to improve herself and the world?
August 11, 2010
Really great parenting philosophy book that was spot on in my opinion. She is not overtly religious but I do think her teachings fit well with Progressive Christian ideas. I particularly liked that she directly links reverence to respect to responsibility. Basically, if you encourage kids to find beauty in and to love and care for the earth and other people, and also teach them that their actions can make a difference, they will grow up to respect the earth, themselves, and other people and will work to make things better for everyone.
Refers to lots of other good books for more specific activities etc.
Refers to lots of other good books for more specific activities etc.
April 11, 2015
Eh. I was interested in this concept, as I often tell my son that what makes me proudest as a mother is when he is kind because he must choose to be, versus just having a talent or learning a skill, but this book was more about changing/embracing an entire lifestyle (organic and/or vegan diets, not buying certain brands of products, etc) than it was about how to teach your children to think of others feelings before speaking or acting. I also felt that the author had an agenda to push and a very upper-class audience in mind, which made the book unpalatable to me as I read it. Very disappointing.
January 5, 2015
Starts off really well, but that couldn't fool me into believing this book was nothing short of obvious parenting (if you're first to anger then maybe you should rethink your life choices?), and an in-your-face sermon about only having one kid (like the author), becoming a vegetarian (like the author), and focusing on only environmental and animal rights (like.....the author). If you're not living like her, then you are a horrible person essentially committing genocide of people, animals, and the earth. Way to go, Judgy McJudgerson.
Just parent using the diamond rule: do unto others as you would have them do unto those you love most. Done.
Just parent using the diamond rule: do unto others as you would have them do unto those you love most. Done.
June 25, 2008
I think everyone should read this book--especially parents. It caused me to do some deep thinking. I'm going to try and be more mindful of my decisions too. It isn't overly judgmental so don't let that scare you away (although she is obviously vegetarian/vegan and feels pretty strongly about that choice). I haven't finished reading through all the older age sections yet since my kids are only four and two months...but I skimmed them. It's the kind of book I'll want to pull out to remind myself and reinforce the messages.
March 4, 2011
I've been wanting to read this for a long time. I fear that I have only a pompous perspective about this book and that is I already knew about most of the content. I live all of the content every day and raise my child accordingly.
The writing is not great. The story in the beginning about the mothers who were in conversation about their situations was just cheesy. The resolutions they came to were even cheesier. I appreciate the message especially against animal cruelty.
The writing is not great. The story in the beginning about the mothers who were in conversation about their situations was just cheesy. The resolutions they came to were even cheesier. I appreciate the message especially against animal cruelty.
September 9, 2012
With practical tips for a variety of situations, based on the author's experience as a humane educator and on anecdotes from parents and children, this book encourages parents to foster open, respectful relationships with their children and attitudes of reverence and respect (toward others & the environment). I enjoyed Weil's conversational tone. I hope she writes a companion book that's more empirically based, to help create the humane world she envisions.
October 12, 2018
This parenting book is unlike any I’ve ever read before. It was a breath of fresh air. There are no rigid rules, instead it is a guide on how to be humane and in turn that will encourage our children to be humane as well. I feel so much pressure to be a “good” parent thinking of everything I should do or have my children do and not feeling like I’m getting anything accomplished. Just thinking of parenting this new way takes some of that pressure off.
February 12, 2009
First parenting book I've read (which is not saying much) that has made the connection between compassion and responsibility, and also stresses that you must model the behavior and beliefs you wish your children to learn. Very much appreciated, especially the sections on Weil's 3 Rs: respect, responsibility, and reverence. Loved it, will be buying my own copy to refer to and loan out.
September 19, 2008
I shouldn't put a rating because while I liked what I read, I didn't get very far. It was a library check-out, and from skimming through it, I didn't find anything very fresh or novel, but it is probably a good reminder/refresher on parenting consciously.
April 22, 2009
I just read the beginning and first years chapters - there were some inspirational and useful things - but overall I thought the book was all over the place - yes there are a lot of things that go into being "kind" but I just didnt feel like it was connected as well and came off more as preachy
July 20, 2008
Nice book. Works really well for me as a reminder. In fact, I need to put the cover on the wall in font of me for, er, "those days". Y'know the ones where you aren't being Mother of the Year?
December 21, 2011
I had read "Calm and Compassionate Children: A Handbook" last year and forgot to take notes of all the great tangible ideas the author offered. I'll try this book to see if its as good.
January 11, 2011
OK, so I didn't exactly read this book cover to cover. I greatly appreciate and value the message. But I can't say it made for gripping reading.
April 6, 2011
Have read bits and pieces, will continue to reference as Maria gets older. Thought provoking and sensible ways to raise good quality human beings.
May 29, 2011
I know, it's funny, an eleven year old reading adult parenting books. But this was really good!
September 29, 2012
I found this book mostly useful. Although I have younger children and feel like this would be more useful to reread when my children are slightly older.
January 12, 2014
I've started reading this book several times and never finished. I appreciate the writing style, but the first few chapters did not really offer me any new information that I did not already know.
January 3, 2013
This book changed the way I communicate with my children and the way I teach. Perhaps the best parent guide put there. Zoe Weil is an inspiration.
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