Conversations With My Agent

by Rob Long

Rob Long rose from staff writer to become co-producer of Cheers in its final season. When the show went off the air, he went from being top dog on a highly rated program to just another writer scrambling to get any project rolling. It wasn't pretty, but as Conversations with My Agent demonstrates, in hindsight at least, that's the hilarious reality of life in the wonderful world of the Hollywood sitcom. Suddenly thrown into the absurdity of Hollywood television development, Long and his writing partner find themselves with an office, an assistant, lots of cigars, and absolutely no idea what they are going to write. But that doesn't matter in Hollywood, where hype is more important than substance. Especially when you have a good agent. Here Long recants the true tale of his time in that limbo, from the wildly funny but awful meetings with studio executives to the unending string of phone calls with his self-absorbed agent, who is emblematic of the uniquely absurd chaos that is Ho

Genres: Biography, Comedy, Nonfiction, Writing, Tv, Humor, Film

180 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 1996

About the author

Robert Long is an American writer and television producer in Hollywood. As a screenwriter and executive producer for the long-running television program Cheers, he received Emmy and Golden Globe nominations in 1992 and 1993. Long created the television show George and Leo, among others.

In addition to his television work, Long is a contributing editor for National Review, as well as a contributor to TIME, Newsweek International, The Wall Street Journal, and the Los Angeles Times. He hosts the syndicated weekly radio commentary Martini Shot, and appears regularly on political commentary shows. In May 2010, he took part in launching a new center-right commentary site, Ricochet.

Long received an award from the Writers Guild of America, and is on the board of directors of The American Cinema Foundation, a non-profit arts organization created to nurture and reward television and feature-film projects. His published works include Conversations with My Agent and Set Up, Joke, Set Up, Joke.

Reviews

[Russ Woody · Rating 4 out of 5]

An enjoyable read. Never met Rob Long, but we had the same agent... and I believe Rob was being kind in the description he gave.

[Mediaman · Rating 1 out of 5]

Instead of an interesting behind-the-scenes look at working on the TV show Cheers then creating his own series, this weak writer wastes our time with a bunch of fictionalized nonsense. He admits up front that "this book is half true." So it's just fake babbling from a writer who has no real story to tell. Or doesn't know how to tell it.

There's not really anything about Cheeers--instead it gives the bare basics of how a TV show creator goes through the process of making a new show, but the examples are all vague, with nothing specific about what this untalented guy did in the real world. I have no why idea he doesn't give the name of the show (I looked it up--it was called "Pig Sty" and you wonder why that sitcom got cancelled?) The agent slamming gimmick, written as phone conversations in TV script format, is dumb and gets old by the third time it's done (and it's done dozens of times, the same jokes told over and over).

Without specific real examples with names attached to all the industry people the book is a waste. While someone who knows nothing about the TV business may find a few tips, it's mostly a vanity project from a know-it-all writer who has no reason for working in television. The guy got a job while in grad school simply by submitting a spec script. Why would Cheers hire a guy with no experience? Because he was a Yale grad? It says a lot about why that show and most TV is so lame (sorry, I know many people liked it but it was ridiculous and isn't rerunning well).

Don't waste your time on this--it's a very inside-the-industry joke that isn't funny.

At one point he writes, "The main reason that television sitcoms are so bad is that too many educated people are involved in creating them." Same goes for this book. It's so bad.

[Simon Lipson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Another delicious offering from Rob Long, a brilliant confection which is part pure comedy, part expose (there's no French accent thingy on my laptop, but you know what I mean). Long, a hotshot comedy writer is at a loose end following the cancellation of Cheers (Ted Danson having had enough). By then, his talents had propelled him to series producer while still in his mid-twenties. His stock still high, he and his writing partner set about pitching, writing and producing a new sitcom.

Written in as a quasi-script, the book is interlaced with stunningly funny conversations with Long's agent (who'd have guessed?) taking us through to the airing and eventual cancellation of the show. Along the way, Long skewers the studios and networks, their terrified, venal producers and executives, the various Hollywood players and, of course, the conniving, back-stabbing agents whose interest is business only, never art. Long's preface describes the book as being half true, but I suspect it contains the whole truth sufficiently disguised to ensure Long wasn't drummed out of show business for good.

At 160 pages, I gobbled this down in no time, my only caveat being that I wish he'd written something double the length.

[Jared Larsen · Rating 4 out of 5]

Rob Long is someone whose commentary both on Hollywood and politics I find interesting. This book has been on my shelf for a decade (it's nearly 25 years old) and I devoured it in an afternoon. Much of the text is stylized as a script, so an already short book is a breezy read. The book is a semi-autobiographical look at life as a TV comedy writer who shot meteorically to the top (executive producer of Cheers its final season) early in his career. The bulk of the book is how he navigated the rarefied "indignities" of development deals, network pitches, notes meetings, and zany agents post-Cheers. It enjoyed commercial success in its time and appears to still be sort of a cult classic among entertainment industry aspirants. For a total layman who enjoys being entertained but has no connection at all to the entertainment industry it was still very fun, even if dated.

[Brian S. Wise · Rating 3 out of 5]

The show Long is writing about here is "Pig Sty," if you were curious, like me, but not curious enough to look it up. This is a breezy read, filled with page-gobbling conversations (you guessed it) between the author and his agent. I'd have preferred a more straightforward telling of the story, but this is fine.

[Malcolm Davis · Rating 4 out of 5]

Bright and breezy book about the experiences of a writer for tv.When I'm Hollywood i did see an episode of Cheers.It was filmed on Stage 8 of what would have been TOO Radio studios.Fascinating to see the 3 camera set up in oprration.Stopping after 10 minutes to reload.
Anyway this book is a warning to anyone who wants to get into tv writing.

[Jonathan Dean · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is excellent. Very funny.

[Richard Luck · Rating 5 out of 5]

Laugh-out loud funny. A book about television comedy that would itself make for excellent television comedy.

[Andrew Thompson · Rating 4 out of 5]

I think this is now out of print, which is a real shame. It tells Rob Long's story of life in development hell as he and his writing partner struggle to get a new sitcom on the air. Having been a lead writer on Cheers, it's back to the bottom rung of the ladder after that show finishes. Written in the style of a script, the conceit works well. The agent is painted in less than flattering colours. The book never fails to prick the egotistical bubble that is network television in the USA. It's extremely funny and well-written. Highly recommended.

[Will · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this and recommend it for anyone with an interest in sitcom writing. It's not a writing bible, it's a short, quick read. What brings the recommendation is Rob Long's breezy writing makes it a really entertaining snapshot of moving from being hot to development hell, while being self-aware and funny with it.

[Christian · Rating 3 out of 5]

It's funny but very repetitive. He has a pretty clueless agent who constantly talks in contradictions. It's a good look at Hollywood in the 90s but I imagine things have changed a lot in the streaming era - when he was writing this, there were only 4 networks you could sell anything to. Anyway, it was good.

[Marsha · Rating 3 out of 5]

I think I liked this. It's been a while.

[Timothy Urban · Rating 4 out of 5]

Quirky, funny diary that tries to teach you something about writing for TV.

[Stephen · Rating 4 out of 5]

Hilarious look at the business of television writing from one of the writers from Cheers.