The title of this book is really perfect, because the act of building the house truly did build - or at least rebuild- a damaged family.
Cara's story, and the way she tells it, offers tremendous insight into how easily domestic violence escalates and takes over the victims' lives. One of this book's major strengths comes in the way Cara writes, with unflinching honesty, but without the bitterness that so often permeates this type of memoir. Cara doesn't wallow in self-pity, nor does she allow anger to change the person she is at her core. Instead, once she acknowledges the damage done by her then-husband, she decides on a healing path. Granted, her choice to build a home from scratch is far more drastic of a path than most of us would choose, but all along her motive was about much more than a mere dream house.
Cara tells her story in two parts. Sections marked "Rise" at the top are written in order, from the beginning of their house-building project to the end. Sections marked "Fall" at the top are random flashbacks from her life before, when an abusive man nearly destroyed her and her children. These sections are told out of order. I had no problem following along with the alternating timelines.
The flashback sections are intense and powerful, as well as beautifully told. Much of her focus is on her short marriage to Adam, a man whose mind becomes ravaged by paranoia and schizophrenia. These sections give us an up close and very personal view of the damage - physical and psychological - to the entire family. They also show us Cara's strength and resilience.
The sections that follow the building of the home are interesting, for the most part. By midway, I found some of the details tedious, though I understand that much of that detail was necessary for us to truly see what this family went through to build their home.
My only complaint about this book is that one line in the description is quite misleading. "In desperate need of a home but without the means to buy one, she did something incredible." Yes, she absolutely did something incredible. But at no time was Cara anywhere near what I would call "in desperate need of a home", nor was she without the means to buy one. Cara owned a home at the time. In fact, she and her four kids lived in that home throughout the time they built their dream home. They lived in comfort. Yes, they scrimped at times, though no more than many of us do each and every day. They always had plenty of food, and they had comfortable living arrangements to return to at the end of each day. The problem was that the house was where she'd lived with Adam, her abusive, mentally ill husband. And he kept returning, thinking he still had rights to that home and the people inside. Cara wanted and needed a refuge, a home all her own. She was desperate to escape Adam's hold on her family, but she was not desperate for shelter.
In the end, we see that this entire experience was about building more than a home. This family needed to build trust and safety. Merely selling her home and purchasing something else would have solved the housing problem, but would not have healed the wounds. Taking on and conquering the huge challenge of building a home ultimately allowed this family to reclaim their power.
*I was provided with an advance copy in exchange for my honest review.*