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The Honor Was Mine
Winner of the Nautilus Book Award and the Military Writers Society of America Gold Medal. A young combat veteran hides in his closet under a pile of clothes on bad nights. Another, home for five days, can’t figure out how to talk to his wife. And a commander’s spouse recounts the soul-draining effect of attending nearly one hundred memorial services… When therapist Elizabeth Heaney left her private practice to counsel military service members and their families, she came face-to-face with unheard-of struggles and fears. Emotions run deeply―and often silently―in the hearts of combat veterans in this eye-opening portrait of the complex, nuanced lives of service personnel, who return from battling the enemy and grapple with readjusting to civilian life. Presenting the soldiers’ stories―told in their own words―as well as her own story of change, Heaney offers an intimate perspective, not of war itself but of its emotional aftermath. Some of these stories scrape the bone; others are hopeful, even comical. Every one reveals the sacrifices of those on the front lines and the courage, grace, and honor with which they serve.
286 pages, Paperback
Published September 6, 2016
165 people are currently reading
322 people want to read
About the author
Elizabeth Heaney
1 book10 followersElizabeth Heaney had been a psychotherapist for nearly thirty years before leaving her private practice in order to counsel combat veterans on military bases. Listening to veterans and spouses as both an outsider and intimate, Heaney gained a profound perspective on the emotions running deeply—and often silently—in the hearts of combat veterans and their loved ones. In THE HONOR WAS MINE, Heaney shares some of the stories and insights about what it might take to bridge the divide between war and home. Some of the stories scrape the bone; others are hopeful, even comical. Every one reveals the sacrifices of those on the front lines and the courage, grace, and honor with which they serve and struggle to truly return home.
The Honor Was Mine speaks to the stories carried deep in the hearts of warriors, the courage it takes to share them, and the grace of having someone sincerely listen. She continues her work with veterans through her private practice in Asheville NC.
The Honor Was Mine speaks to the stories carried deep in the hearts of warriors, the courage it takes to share them, and the grace of having someone sincerely listen. She continues her work with veterans through her private practice in Asheville NC.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 41 reviews
October 15, 2016
Finished reading: September 3rd 2016
“Rather than being seen as protectors - as warriors have been viewed in past cultures - our current culture struggles with how to view combat veterans. The cultural dissonance about recent wars spills over into our feelings about soldiers, creating another layer of difficult struggle for soldiers who fought and served.”
*** A copy of this book was kindly provided to me by Netgalley and Grand Harbor Press in exchange for an honest review. Thank you! ***
P.S. Find more of my reviews here.
March 27, 2021
The book should have been captioned as: “A look inside the struggles of a therapist for military veterans”.
The introduction starts off deep and raw. We hear the acute pain of a veteran suffering from PTSD. After that we hear more about the “struggles” the therapist faces with acronyms, knowing ranks, and other details civilians need adjusting to working on base. The word “I” was used so frequently I was starting to honestly get mad that the book is so much about her and her experience when what I really wanted was some insight to veterans. There were some points in the book that were actually helpful such as listening and creating space when natural tendencies is to try and fix things. I think in general I was disappointed. We later learn that her role did not allow her to get deep because she rotated bases every 3-4 months and was not allowed to see patients more than a few times and if any showed signs of PTSD she was to refer them to the clinic on base. The fact that soldiers were willing to open up to her and because of “protocol” she was not allowed to help them shows that there are things we need to change about how the military handles mental health.
The introduction starts off deep and raw. We hear the acute pain of a veteran suffering from PTSD. After that we hear more about the “struggles” the therapist faces with acronyms, knowing ranks, and other details civilians need adjusting to working on base. The word “I” was used so frequently I was starting to honestly get mad that the book is so much about her and her experience when what I really wanted was some insight to veterans. There were some points in the book that were actually helpful such as listening and creating space when natural tendencies is to try and fix things. I think in general I was disappointed. We later learn that her role did not allow her to get deep because she rotated bases every 3-4 months and was not allowed to see patients more than a few times and if any showed signs of PTSD she was to refer them to the clinic on base. The fact that soldiers were willing to open up to her and because of “protocol” she was not allowed to help them shows that there are things we need to change about how the military handles mental health.
September 21, 2022
Very honest portrayal of what our military are going through. Touched close to my heart since I have a Grandson and Granddaughter in the Marines! Semper Fi
October 2, 2016
This is the story of a civilian counselor who joined a program to provide off-the-record counseling services at domestic military bases. She spent short term assignments at each base, with the intention that it was part of a portfolio of provided services, attracting members of the military community who would not be willing to engage the more traditional mental health resources that were already available. It is a view of the military that I very much relate to, as I was attached to a deployed unit as a civilian for a similar period of time.
The first chapter starts slow, she talks about the trauma in her life prior to her taking this assignment as a way of resetting her life (and this gets dropped in the rest of the book). But once you get past the first chapter you get into the story. Two themes that permeate are her being a civilian learning her way around the military environment, which sets up the theme of veterans returning from deployment and those around them responding in their different ways.
The first theme is that of a civilian entering the military community and the differences. She tells the story of her first assignment, of encountering military discipline and curtsy first as a shock, but then respect for the stability that it provides. She goes on to what she realizes the purpose of many of attitudes and rhythms of the military. First, the realization that those in the military must be prepared for anything at any time, and military discipline and curtsy is intended to build the attitudes needed to enable that. Second, that there are a range of overall attitudes held by those in the military, with a considerable more diversity than she expected when she was in a civilian life. But one set of values that holds people together is a focus on duty (towards country and each other, not necessarily in that order) and integrity. And the dissonances between those values and what they see in the civilian world (and in what I called Big Army for that matter) causes many of the problems they have in adapting to home.
But what this long discussion of the difficulties she had in getting used to the military culture does is leads to her discussion about the issues that veterans and their families and the problems that veterans who have returned from a combat zone and their families. And she has gone through the same type of struggle in the first chapter with what she dealt with in her life and the reactions of those around her, and dealing with the same culture shift in the other direction. This part is the deepest, she alternates between telling the stories of the people she meets during the course of her assignments and the story of her processing these. Stories of working with the returning soldiers, the transition between combat and their families, soldiers and spouses trying to deal with the uncertainty of life in general and of soldiers returning after a year of combat, spouses worried about infidelity when the returning soldier is still working through the transition between combat and peacetime, of the care that soldiers have of the wounded and fallen brothers (and sisters) in arms.
Through it all, what shows through is her thankfulness that she has seen this part of life, the pride, dedication, and duty to others that permeates the military. And the recognition that this is not the norm in U.S. society at large. In my own experience, I've been told to view the lives of companions as not precious, had offers to refer me to counselors who would tell me that I should have ignored the calls for help from someone in the backcountry. And this contrasting incredibly with being deployed to a combat zone where I was with people who did their duty and tried to do right by those that they were along side. And when I returned, my then girlfriend and I spent a month trying to figure out if I had changed. (and when we were all settled, I figured that I had a good thing going and proposed to her!)
It is a wonderful book. It has a great treatment of PTSD, because it takes the first step of having to experience some of the causes (the need to be constantly aware, the sense that your world and your attitude may have to shift in a heartbeat, and you have to be ready for it, and having to deal with a civilian world that does not generally value duty or integrity) It does not preach, but it gives a set of eyes that had to go through similar experiences and uses that as an analogy into that world.
Note: I received a free electronic copy of this through the Goodreads Giveaways program. The opinions are my own and were not subject to any review.
The first chapter starts slow, she talks about the trauma in her life prior to her taking this assignment as a way of resetting her life (and this gets dropped in the rest of the book). But once you get past the first chapter you get into the story. Two themes that permeate are her being a civilian learning her way around the military environment, which sets up the theme of veterans returning from deployment and those around them responding in their different ways.
The first theme is that of a civilian entering the military community and the differences. She tells the story of her first assignment, of encountering military discipline and curtsy first as a shock, but then respect for the stability that it provides. She goes on to what she realizes the purpose of many of attitudes and rhythms of the military. First, the realization that those in the military must be prepared for anything at any time, and military discipline and curtsy is intended to build the attitudes needed to enable that. Second, that there are a range of overall attitudes held by those in the military, with a considerable more diversity than she expected when she was in a civilian life. But one set of values that holds people together is a focus on duty (towards country and each other, not necessarily in that order) and integrity. And the dissonances between those values and what they see in the civilian world (and in what I called Big Army for that matter) causes many of the problems they have in adapting to home.
But what this long discussion of the difficulties she had in getting used to the military culture does is leads to her discussion about the issues that veterans and their families and the problems that veterans who have returned from a combat zone and their families. And she has gone through the same type of struggle in the first chapter with what she dealt with in her life and the reactions of those around her, and dealing with the same culture shift in the other direction. This part is the deepest, she alternates between telling the stories of the people she meets during the course of her assignments and the story of her processing these. Stories of working with the returning soldiers, the transition between combat and their families, soldiers and spouses trying to deal with the uncertainty of life in general and of soldiers returning after a year of combat, spouses worried about infidelity when the returning soldier is still working through the transition between combat and peacetime, of the care that soldiers have of the wounded and fallen brothers (and sisters) in arms.
Through it all, what shows through is her thankfulness that she has seen this part of life, the pride, dedication, and duty to others that permeates the military. And the recognition that this is not the norm in U.S. society at large. In my own experience, I've been told to view the lives of companions as not precious, had offers to refer me to counselors who would tell me that I should have ignored the calls for help from someone in the backcountry. And this contrasting incredibly with being deployed to a combat zone where I was with people who did their duty and tried to do right by those that they were along side. And when I returned, my then girlfriend and I spent a month trying to figure out if I had changed. (and when we were all settled, I figured that I had a good thing going and proposed to her!)
It is a wonderful book. It has a great treatment of PTSD, because it takes the first step of having to experience some of the causes (the need to be constantly aware, the sense that your world and your attitude may have to shift in a heartbeat, and you have to be ready for it, and having to deal with a civilian world that does not generally value duty or integrity) It does not preach, but it gives a set of eyes that had to go through similar experiences and uses that as an analogy into that world.
Note: I received a free electronic copy of this through the Goodreads Giveaways program. The opinions are my own and were not subject to any review.
February 3, 2017
The Honor Was Mine: A Look Inside the Struggles of Military Veterans is a tough book for me to review. I felt very disconnected from the author's words and I blame that almost entirely on the narration (this was an audio book on Kindle Unlimited). The narrator's voice was very flat and emotionless, with this authoritative edge that gave the author's words (that might have otherwise felt genuine and personal) a sense of authoritative snobbery. I felt that much of the book was akin to somewhat of a lecture or had a text book quality to its language, so the experience wasn't all that intriguing.
With that being said, I tried desperately to focus on the soldiers' stories and the author's messages about soldiers coming home but still being at war within their minds. I see this all the time. I take care of veterans who haven't been to war in sixty years, yet they still suffer from PTSD. It's so common that as a night shift nurse, I've learned the proper way to wake my male patients who may awaken in the midst of a fight or flight response and hurt me or their selves. I also appreciated the perspective of military wives and families and how much they suffer not just during deployment, but also during the delicate time when the soldiers first return home. I hadn't really considered this. I've thought about how difficult it must be to have your spouse away for so long, not knowing if they are safe or what they are doing and I always had this illusion that when the soldier comes home, everything is "hunky dory" and goes right back to normal. I now know that this is so far from the truth that my heart just aches at the thought.
While I didn't particularly enjoy the book, I have such an even greater respect for our soldiers and their families after reading The Honor Was Mine: A Look Inside the Struggles of Military Veterans, so I'm really glad that I took the time to read it.
With that being said, I tried desperately to focus on the soldiers' stories and the author's messages about soldiers coming home but still being at war within their minds. I see this all the time. I take care of veterans who haven't been to war in sixty years, yet they still suffer from PTSD. It's so common that as a night shift nurse, I've learned the proper way to wake my male patients who may awaken in the midst of a fight or flight response and hurt me or their selves. I also appreciated the perspective of military wives and families and how much they suffer not just during deployment, but also during the delicate time when the soldiers first return home. I hadn't really considered this. I've thought about how difficult it must be to have your spouse away for so long, not knowing if they are safe or what they are doing and I always had this illusion that when the soldier comes home, everything is "hunky dory" and goes right back to normal. I now know that this is so far from the truth that my heart just aches at the thought.
While I didn't particularly enjoy the book, I have such an even greater respect for our soldiers and their families after reading The Honor Was Mine: A Look Inside the Struggles of Military Veterans, so I'm really glad that I took the time to read it.
February 6, 2017
I won this book through a Goodreads giveaway in exchange for an honest review. I have to say that I am so glad that I had the chance to read this memoir. I am not much of a non-fiction reader but I have to say that “The Honor Was All Mine” made me laugh and cry. As a 21-year Navy veteran, I have dealt with many issues but nothing like those written about here. Ms. Heaney describes her reasons for becoming a counselor, her non-standard approach to speaking with military members and their spouses, and even her own struggle when she realized she had a form of PTSD. My father did two tours in Vietnam and some of the symptoms described by Ms. Heaney were experienced by my father. If only he would have had the same help that is available now. The snippets of stories will give you a brief insight as to the experiences that soldiers deal with when deployed into combat areas and how hard it can be to decompress and really arrive home in an emotional, not just physical sense. Also written was Ms. Heaney’s move from base to base just like the military – the getting attached and then having to leave process. One of the few stories I was explaining what I had read to my husband about the employees that process the belongings of service members who had been killed or wounded in combat and was getting so choked up that I had to stop. What an extraordinary well-written book!
February 12, 2019
I saw this on kindle unlimited and have to say I was very pleased I picked this up. This is a woman's real story of providing counselling and emotional support for soldiers in various army bases in America. I was surprised to learn that soldiers face a multitude of problems getting professional counselling, especially off the record. This is especially concerning given the high stress level of their job as well as the prevalence of ptsd among army officers. It's heartwarming to see how the author has been part of the solution that tackles these issues. I learnt a lot about a life I'm mostly unfamiliar with other than what popular media covers. This book is concerned with the emotional life of American army officials and the situation is likely well different in other parts of the world where access to counselors and therapists may not even exist in any significant capacity.
March 6, 2020
John Prine wrote a song about how we treat aging people called “Hello In There.” The point was, in our busy lives it is easier to pretend we don’t see the pain of others than to acknowledge and honor it.
He might just as well have been talking about how the general population thinks about service members. We ought to say “Hello In There” and try to sympathize but that would mean sharing a pain we’d rather let others bear.
Elizabeth Heaney has cracked open that door for readers of this book and after reading it I will forever look at our soldiers differently and, I hope, with more understanding.
He might just as well have been talking about how the general population thinks about service members. We ought to say “Hello In There” and try to sympathize but that would mean sharing a pain we’d rather let others bear.
Elizabeth Heaney has cracked open that door for readers of this book and after reading it I will forever look at our soldiers differently and, I hope, with more understanding.
August 17, 2017
Compelling well-written and touching tribute
Gripping story of a counselor on contract to the military. She writes about her clients, masking their identities, and at the same time reveals her own personal experiences. Great for anyone dealing with PTSD or living with someone who is. Gives a clear picture of the serviceperson 's sacrifices and the healing that comes just from being listened to.
Linda Donaldson
Gripping story of a counselor on contract to the military. She writes about her clients, masking their identities, and at the same time reveals her own personal experiences. Great for anyone dealing with PTSD or living with someone who is. Gives a clear picture of the serviceperson 's sacrifices and the healing that comes just from being listened to.
Linda Donaldson
January 31, 2020
Beautifully written, thoughtful and captivating, this book gives you an inside look into the struggles of military life. I'm so much more open-minded now, and appreciative of the mental struggles hiding behind masks of strength. This book pushes aside political views and oppositions, and reminds us that we are all human, and we have duties and feelings, and struggles. That, more than any political or religious cause, is what connects us together.
February 13, 2020
This is a must-read for therapists working with veterans and veterans and active service members themselves looking for a better understanding of one another and the process and hope of therapy. Frankly I’d say everyone should read it to gain a better grasp of what those in service go through and the struggles that result. Filled with stories, raw reflections and a self-honesty I’ve often found lacking in therapists, here there be tears amid the joys.
October 21, 2019
Interesting read
I really thought this book was an interesting perspective to hear from. I’ve read many military novels and this was from such a unique view. I really enjoyed it but was left wondering for the long term care of these soldiers.
This book left me hoping all soldiers and families find someone they can open up too.
I really thought this book was an interesting perspective to hear from. I’ve read many military novels and this was from such a unique view. I really enjoyed it but was left wondering for the long term care of these soldiers.
This book left me hoping all soldiers and families find someone they can open up too.
February 13, 2017
Great insight into the military, incl. family!
Elizabeth Heaney, MA, LPC, does an excellent job at finding out what it's like to serve in today's military, and she pulls no punches in letting the reader know just at what costs their service comes. Too, she looks at both the service member, and the family that's left behind, giving the reader an all-inclusive peek into the tremendous psychological costs of the (military) family.
The author includes a list of references at the end of her book ... a handy guide to articles and organizations available for further help/research in the area of the psychological impact of military, war-time, service.
Elizabeth Heaney, MA, LPC, does an excellent job at finding out what it's like to serve in today's military, and she pulls no punches in letting the reader know just at what costs their service comes. Too, she looks at both the service member, and the family that's left behind, giving the reader an all-inclusive peek into the tremendous psychological costs of the (military) family.
The author includes a list of references at the end of her book ... a handy guide to articles and organizations available for further help/research in the area of the psychological impact of military, war-time, service.
July 22, 2017
A moving account by a counselor working with service personnel and their families.
Elizabeth Heaney's respect and compassion for soldiers and their families is apparent on every page. The stories she tells are ones of courage and endurance as well as. Sorrow and compassion.
Elizabeth Heaney's respect and compassion for soldiers and their families is apparent on every page. The stories she tells are ones of courage and endurance as well as. Sorrow and compassion.
June 30, 2018
Beautifully written. Compelling mixture of the authors journey learning and navigating the military lingo, mindset and insignia and the soldiers and wives stories, journeys and fears. I learned so much in between my laughter and tears. Highly recommend!
October 25, 2018
A must read from young adults to seniors.
This memoir opened my eyes to a life's journey totally foreign to me up to now. After reading the book, I am better prepared and committed to compassionate listening to all who cross my path, especially veterans from all walks of life.
This memoir opened my eyes to a life's journey totally foreign to me up to now. After reading the book, I am better prepared and committed to compassionate listening to all who cross my path, especially veterans from all walks of life.
August 18, 2019
Every civilian needs to read this, no matter what you believe regarding war
I’m a military mom who is very ashamed to admit there are so many things in this book I never considered. God Bless all our military and those that serve THEM!!! God Bless the author!!
I’m a military mom who is very ashamed to admit there are so many things in this book I never considered. God Bless all our military and those that serve THEM!!! God Bless the author!!
July 11, 2017
Beautiful, poignant, funny, and often heartbreaking, Heaney's writing makes her story real and makes me infinitely grateful that people like her exist in a world like today.
June 23, 2018
vulnerable and raw and beautiful must read for anyone who loves Veterans,
February 16, 2019
A Salute to Those Who Servr
What a great way to show civilians a side of the military we would not know otherwise. Heartbreaking and heartwarming wrapped in one package.
What a great way to show civilians a side of the military we would not know otherwise. Heartbreaking and heartwarming wrapped in one package.
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September 9, 2020Hi
November 7, 2020
Third time I’ve listened to this; Third time I’ve teared up
My Full Review
My Full Review
January 27, 2023
Compelled
Not a native english speaker. I feel compelled to read this book. No regrets. Tq for this beautifully written book.
Not a native english speaker. I feel compelled to read this book. No regrets. Tq for this beautifully written book.
January 1, 2024
Very interesting insight on the military and how she gains the trust of the soldiers who talk to her!
October 17, 2016
I knew I was going to give this book a five-star rating within the first couple of chapters. I have to say that, I, myself, was honored to be one of the recipients to read this important, well-written book about how the military works and how it shapes the men and women who choose to join one of the services. Being a wife of a retired military member, I had a lot of respect and empathy for what those young men and women do for their country. Yet, when I finished this book with all of Ms. Healy's fine stories, I felt I had learned more from this book than from being a military kid as well as a military wife.
Elizabeth Heaney is a wonderful writer. She made me feel, acutely feel, a lot of the pain that both she and her soldiers went through. She made all these people, including herself, so real to me that I felt a loss when I swiped the last page of my iPad and turned the lights out for the night. I can imagine what a comfort she was for the people she touched. Her stories ran the gamut from funny, sad, happy, serious and much of the time, gut-wrenching misery.
She tells stories from all the many places she stayed in for such short times. She really got to understand what it is like for people who work for and in the military. Leaving a place you enjoy or not, it is difficult to go hopping from one home to another. Many moves can make you more resilient but they can also break your heart when leaving your friends for another base. Her last assignment was the coup de grace. The place she ended up in will blow your mind. It is a place that many of us who are military don't necessarily understand how people cope with performing the mission of this particular and very special base. The story of this last assignment brought me to tears. Ms. Heaney let us know that one of her colleagues mentioned that she had always wanted to get this particular assignment and told her she would love to be involved in this mission. Ms. Heaney's last assignment may have been a sort of ending, but it was what was destined for her to leave the military to put her energies into a new beginning. I would recommend this book to anyone, young or old or in-between. This book was insightful and loving. You will leave this book with an impression. You will understand the sacrifice these young men and women make and what it costs them. So...the next time you have the opportunity to meet a military man or woman and you thank them for their service you will have the satisfaction that comes from knowing that your words will have feeling behind them.
Elizabeth Heaney is a wonderful writer. She made me feel, acutely feel, a lot of the pain that both she and her soldiers went through. She made all these people, including herself, so real to me that I felt a loss when I swiped the last page of my iPad and turned the lights out for the night. I can imagine what a comfort she was for the people she touched. Her stories ran the gamut from funny, sad, happy, serious and much of the time, gut-wrenching misery.
She tells stories from all the many places she stayed in for such short times. She really got to understand what it is like for people who work for and in the military. Leaving a place you enjoy or not, it is difficult to go hopping from one home to another. Many moves can make you more resilient but they can also break your heart when leaving your friends for another base. Her last assignment was the coup de grace. The place she ended up in will blow your mind. It is a place that many of us who are military don't necessarily understand how people cope with performing the mission of this particular and very special base. The story of this last assignment brought me to tears. Ms. Heaney let us know that one of her colleagues mentioned that she had always wanted to get this particular assignment and told her she would love to be involved in this mission. Ms. Heaney's last assignment may have been a sort of ending, but it was what was destined for her to leave the military to put her energies into a new beginning. I would recommend this book to anyone, young or old or in-between. This book was insightful and loving. You will leave this book with an impression. You will understand the sacrifice these young men and women make and what it costs them. So...the next time you have the opportunity to meet a military man or woman and you thank them for their service you will have the satisfaction that comes from knowing that your words will have feeling behind them.
April 21, 2017
The prologue of this book sets a tone which should be remembered throughout the book. We see the reality of a soldier reacting to a new life after service. It honestly made me cry.
In this book, the author tells her story of coming to counsel these soldiers (used as she did, a generic term to cross all branches rather than as the actual term) interspersed with short tales about people she met and spoke to. The stories are cleansed of identifying information; they still retain every drop of meaning and affect.
In the interest of being completely honest, I am a relative of two service members. I am familiar with the terms that the author has to define for most readers. I understand the "family" perspective. I can identify with it.
I like that the author was honest in the beginning. That she spoke of her ideas and predispositions about soldiers... That they're addicted to war... That they enjoy it. It makes the transition she goes through more moving and heartfelt. Soldiers do not crave war. They do not want to participate. They, however, do the hard job many of us cannot or will not. That should be remembered no matter a reader's personal view on war. This book handles that gap well and speaks to both sides of the war debate.
Some quotes that spoke to me...
"Success could be getting to know the person who came home and letting go of the person you were when you deployed." (Author)
"They are expected to engage in the next task without hesitation or question - that's what soldiers do." (Author)
"I don't know how to miss them so much." (Soldier)
"They faced experiences many of us would never agree to face; they carried burdens that would break even the strongest among us." (Author)
"They gave me a prescription and told me to come back in three months." (Soldier)
The section of the book which connected most with me was Her Son in Chapter 7. It described the organized chaos that comes when soldiers return to a hangar full of family and friends. I've done this. Many observations that the author made were things I experienced, witnessed or felt. It was a good feeling of community... Even as it described one particular event that had already happened some time before. It brought back the memories of happiness I witnessed and the thankfulness I had myself.
I received a free Kindle copy in return for an honest review.
In this book, the author tells her story of coming to counsel these soldiers (used as she did, a generic term to cross all branches rather than as the actual term) interspersed with short tales about people she met and spoke to. The stories are cleansed of identifying information; they still retain every drop of meaning and affect.
In the interest of being completely honest, I am a relative of two service members. I am familiar with the terms that the author has to define for most readers. I understand the "family" perspective. I can identify with it.
I like that the author was honest in the beginning. That she spoke of her ideas and predispositions about soldiers... That they're addicted to war... That they enjoy it. It makes the transition she goes through more moving and heartfelt. Soldiers do not crave war. They do not want to participate. They, however, do the hard job many of us cannot or will not. That should be remembered no matter a reader's personal view on war. This book handles that gap well and speaks to both sides of the war debate.
Some quotes that spoke to me...
"Success could be getting to know the person who came home and letting go of the person you were when you deployed." (Author)
"They are expected to engage in the next task without hesitation or question - that's what soldiers do." (Author)
"I don't know how to miss them so much." (Soldier)
"They faced experiences many of us would never agree to face; they carried burdens that would break even the strongest among us." (Author)
"They gave me a prescription and told me to come back in three months." (Soldier)
The section of the book which connected most with me was Her Son in Chapter 7. It described the organized chaos that comes when soldiers return to a hangar full of family and friends. I've done this. Many observations that the author made were things I experienced, witnessed or felt. It was a good feeling of community... Even as it described one particular event that had already happened some time before. It brought back the memories of happiness I witnessed and the thankfulness I had myself.
I received a free Kindle copy in return for an honest review.
February 20, 2017
Such an insightful, beautifully written book. This has raised my respect for those who serve us even more. The stories shared will stay with me for a long, long time.
October 31, 2016
I was really interested in reading this book. Having recently moved to an area with a large military presence, I wanted to learn more about the challenges that face our soldiers and their families. Prior to moving to this area, I, like the author, had some preconceived notions about the people who join the military. After reading this book, my opinions have changed. The author writes about her experiences as a counselor on military bases. The stories she tells were complex. She was able to accurately capture the depth and emotions of the soldiers as they struggle to adjust to the changes in their lives. Like the author, I had a hard time following her as she moved on to a different base. I can only imagine how difficult it was for her to make connections with these soldiers, get them to open up, and make real progress, only to have to pack up and move on. On the whole, I enjoyed reading this book and learning from the author's experiences. It was really meaningful to hear about her work and experiences. I would recommend this book to anyone who interacts with members of the military in any capacity.
February 10, 2017
A Tribute to A Reality That Is Too Often Neglected
As a former military brat, spouse, and counselor I found this account of individuals cast in roles few can imagine very well told. Without exaggeration or sentimentality the narrative provides an accurate portrayal of the concessions made by everyone involved.
As a former military brat, spouse, and counselor I found this account of individuals cast in roles few can imagine very well told. Without exaggeration or sentimentality the narrative provides an accurate portrayal of the concessions made by everyone involved.
September 30, 2016
An important look into a civilian therapist helping on military bases
I appreciated this book so much. I felt privileged to be able to understand better what soldiers and families deal with in the military. I felt The authors personal transformation as I read this book. as well as what I learned about the things soldiers deal with in the military- And their fear of going through military channels for counseling. I felt the authors grief and stress throughout the book And I also often wondered how she was able to do the work she did. I'm amazed at her resilience-And would love for her to be my therapist! This book is a really good and thoughtful read . I'd highly recommend it.
I appreciated this book so much. I felt privileged to be able to understand better what soldiers and families deal with in the military. I felt The authors personal transformation as I read this book. as well as what I learned about the things soldiers deal with in the military- And their fear of going through military channels for counseling. I felt the authors grief and stress throughout the book And I also often wondered how she was able to do the work she did. I'm amazed at her resilience-And would love for her to be my therapist! This book is a really good and thoughtful read . I'd highly recommend it.
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