This is Not the End: Conversations on Borderline Personality Disorder

by Tabetha Martin (Editor), Paula Tusiani-Eng (Foreword)

"I fight because it's not over. It doesn't end here."

In this unique collection, individuals of all ages and stages share their experiences with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). Within these pages, you'll find an honest portrait of what it's like to live with BPD, from the perspective of people with BPD and their loved ones--spouses, siblings, and parents, as well as mental health professionals.

By turns heartbreaking and inspiring, this collection of real-life stories, personal essays, and candid interviews explores what a Borderline Personality Disorder diagnosis looks like--from the inside. Also featuring an in-depth overview of BPD and its common treatment methods, this book is a necessary tool for expanding your self-exploration and deepening your understanding of this confusing and often destructive disorder.

Edited by mental health advocate Tabetha Martin and featuring a foreword by Paula Tusiani-Eng, co-author of the classic BPD memoir Remnants of a Life on Paper, This is Not the End: Conversations on Borderline Personality Disorder provides encouragement and support for all who are seeking to heal and recover from BPD.

Genres: Psychology, Mental Health, Nonfiction, Self Help, Mental Illness, Counselling, Essays

194 pages, Paperback

First published June 14, 2016

Reviews

[Aloe · Rating 3 out of 5]

I have BPD. I've been looking for books to read about BPD that aren't horribly out-of-date or that don't vilify people with BPD. I thought, hey, this is a book with actual experiences of fellow borderlines, that sounds like it'll be something helpful to read.

This is probably one of the best BPD books I've read. And a lot of my review is just my personal issue with how BPD is approached and talked about, especially by loved ones. I would still suggest that anyone looking to learn about BPD flip through this book. The beginning does talk a lot about the disorder itself, the different "types" of borderlines, and the end provides a number of resources for borderlines as well. I recommend the majority of it.

I guess it was my fault for expecting to agree with every experience in this book. They are personal experiences and personal opinions and I shouldn't have thought I'd agree with all of them. One of the first sections -"Redefining BPD" - bothered me, specifically because of how different the writer's ideas of diagnosis and mine are, and honestly, if his approach helped him, my opinion on it doesn't matter. Then there's "Hitting Rock Bottom," where the writer says that her therapist called her a racial slur, apparently to stop her from smiling all the time while she talked about difficult things. The writer later calls that therapist "amazing." To me, that's extremely inappropriate, especially during their first session. And I don't think that's something anyone should read that and think, "oh, what a good idea!"

There were others, written by people whose loved ones had BPD, that I didn't see the point of. I sympathized more with their loved ones, the people who actually had BPD, than I did with the writers. One story - "When Your Adolescent is Diagnosed"- just really rubbed me the wrong way. It lacked any sort of closure. And "In Sickness and In Health," which is supposed to be a candid conversation between a married couple (the husband has BPD, the wife doesn't) bothered me too. It didn't read like a conversation at all, and seemed mostly to focus on how hard life was for the wife. That could just be my perception.

More of the stories were helpful than not, though. I found myself in a lot of them, even though none were exactly like my situation. They were validating, and quite a few ended on very hopeful and encouraging notes, which was important to me. It was important to know that there are people who deal with what I deal with and are still living and functioning and happy. I found the last one - "Hope for Recovery" - a very good note to end on too. Written by a therapist, it focuses a lot on mindfulness and how useful it is to learn how to be mindful, which is something I've struggled with and many people with BPD have struggled with.

This book was definitely a step in the right direction.

[Sara · Rating 3 out of 5]

Overall, a great starting point. Most of the essays are good or helpful. The essay "Redefining BPD" does more harm than good, and I'm really confused why it was even included, especially so close to the beginning of the book. Hesitant to recommend the book to my clients for this reason. But everything else adds to the conversation on BPD in an honest or helpful way, so I'll keep it on hand.

[إسراء كساب · Rating 4 out of 5]

كمريضة اضطراب الشخصية الحدية، الرسائل والمقالات هنا كانت قادرة تعمل انعكاس جيد عليا، يمكن ميزة نوعية الكتب دي أنها بتحسسني بالونس، أني مش لوحدي، وأن اللي أنا بعانيه مشكلة حقيقية مش مجرد دلع.

[Adrienne · Rating 3 out of 5]

Borderline Personality Disorder seems like a really rough gig and I feel empathy and support for anyone who drew this particular short straw. This book helped me understand it a little better and to know better how to support people who have to live with it.

[Jayne Pixton · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have BPD and this helped me better understand what it as, and made me feel less alone

[Sarah Crowe · Rating 4 out of 5]

Although this book may seem simple (and to some degree it is), I think that it was a necessary step in the BPD literature. Have you ever read any books, articles, forums, or even just heard a person without BPD describe someone they know with it? There is NO SYMPATHY nor EMPATHY for these patients in most of the writing I've read on this topic, with families going on about how they can't "walk on eggshells" anymore and psychiatrists/therapists/behavioral analysts/physicians often referring to them as lost causes, manipulative, and just awful enough that you start looking for WHY there is so much hate, because past authors acted like people with BPD were practically evil.

I remember being so confused the first time I read a book about BPD, because I couldn't get over how rude, rigid, and downright nasty the author was when referring to these people who are suffering a great deal (which the professional knows, or at least should know) already and were continuing to come to her for help while despite being the one in the position of power, cowered away, blamed the patient (seriously? What other mental illnesses get that much vitriol?), and then refused to treat them again. Then I read some more. Wow, more hatred of these patients. Why? I kept on wondering why no one seemed to care about how painful such a condition must be. Yes, they are impulsive. They often have had substantial childhood and/or adolescent trauma that has a negative effect on their lives and those around them. What is all the hate for in that? Is it because the methods the (awful) therapists and researchers use with patients with one disease don't necessarily benefit those with this one? That's normal. Thank goodness there is DBT now, but it is still imperfect. And since (given the criteria needed to be diagnosed with BPD) the patient's life is likely marked by extremes and instability, why do those that treat them seem so angry and confused by catastrophic thinking, a lack of proper coping mechanisms to deal with the abandonment and emptiness they fear, yet seems to end up there next to them to stay? They are TOO MUCH or not enough. Just like they already felt like and "professionals" who were less sympathetic regarding these patients set them up for exceptionally detrimental circumstances by demonizing the client who already likely feels like they are a monster if they read older books on BPD or knows that those3 around them likely do (since they have trouble with consistency and self-control, many end up in hospitals and engaging in risky behaviors out of their pain + impulsivity + very poor coping skills in context.

So, I was SOOOOOO glad to stop hearing docs and therapists and friends and exes and kids just go on and on about how dramatic and manipulative and volatile BPD patients are, and actually hear from some of the people with BPD. Now, I know these may be "flawed" in the empirical sense since they are all based upon the words of the person with BPD (who almost by definition does not process and handle consistency and self-control well, so they may very well be biased to some degree in what they say. And for a book like this? That's actually just fine. I wanted to actually hear from the people with this disorder themselves instead of only hearing how bad and over-the-top they are.

I don't personally have BPD and while it appears that it is a devastating disorder, I have also found the way they think (in their own words, when there were case studies in the past books I've read or when trying to imagine what it would be like to be told how bad I was and be abandoned by even mental health workers who have had to have come across some depressing, intense, or some seriously maladaptive sh*t in their offices over the years, but how come no one goes on and on about how much they JUST CAN'T work with people with this disorder (yet, pretty much every other possible mental health concern a person could have would not get them kicked out, just for having the diagnosis, just for being labeled a certain word).

This job does a great job of humanizing a group of people who really need it, but also without judging the BPD patient harshly for their past, their trying, their pain, and how they rationalize the things they do. There was one account that was somewhat hard to read, because the man kept on blaming his BPD diagnosis for his problems, yet, he had also talked about how his life had been completely out of control before diagnosis. And he was still clearly needed to work on continually getting better. We need to make sure that there is not a stigma against the person, but that does not mean that we should validate the disease. Treat people with BPD like human beings, they are after all, and getting to hear from people who actually have the disease shows us a new way of looking into what's going on in their minds and what to do about it. this book has been needed for a while now and I'm glad I read it today. Was a really quick read, but I also found their stories fascinating. And in the parts where the patients lost their patience and reacted without further considering the consequences, we see how this disease can trap someone in such a tumultuous whirlwind, that they need help and (most of all, even to the writers:) SUPPORT, not to be put down constantly and told they'll never change.

We still need more empirical research on BPD of course. A lot more! But we can't get much further in treating this population when the very people there to help them get annoyed, retaliate, and act like people with BPD are some sort of abominations. I really felt for the people in this collection of narratives. I appreciated getting to hear from the people in pain, not the people who think they are a pain again. Seriously, the literature is baffling to me. So, this made me glad that there are people who realize how unreasonable they are when they give up on them

[Sharice · Rating 5 out of 5]

A MUST READ!!!! I bought this book about six months after I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. I was having a rough time coming to terms with my diagnosis and what it meant for my future. This book shares individual stories of others with BPD and provides different outlooks from people of different backgrounds. I connected most with the chapter called "Radical Acceptance". This book is my everything. I find myself going back to it often to remind myself that I am not alone in my struggle. This book gave me hope, light and helped me find some peace with my diagnosis. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

[Kimberly Duffle · Rating 5 out of 5]

My sister has struggled with this for years! To have a better understanding of what she is dealing with...THANK YOU!

[Maria · Rating 5 out of 5]

Looks at BPD with the accuracy and sensitivity that mental health disorders like BPD should be viewed with. However, this book shouldn't be used as your only understanding of what BPD is - thankfully, the author also makes this very clear.

This book is an excellent reflective tool but it is not a diagnostic guide, or a singular view into what BPD is/presents as. If you're a clinician, or a loved one of someone who suffers, or just an interested layperson; this is a great yet narrow window into the very diverse experiences that come with BPD. I have read some reviews from people who have personal experience with BPD who have found the book lacking in some ways which is very understandable. No one book can sum up the wildly different experiences, from life events, to symptoms, that BPD sufferers face. So again, this is not a textbook but a book to help you see people with BPD as the three-dimensional human beings they are, so different, unique and strong in their individual ways.

Personally, I learnt a lot about how effective DBT is and wish it was a more readily available therapy, as the anecdotal evidence suggests it can not only give people the coping tools they need, but it can also give hope to people who are often [wrongly and cruelly] told to expect very little in terms of treatment.

[Reidun · Rating 3 out of 5]

It simply offers no-frills descriptions of what BPD is for those who don't have it and does the very important work of letting others share their experience with it. Borderline is difficult to fully appreciate in that it's subjective to each relationship and what both partners bring to it, so the way a relationship manifests one way with the same person who has BPD may not be the same with another friend. I often found myself not just nodding along as I read each essay, but also sometimes moved to tears by the simplicity of knowing that I could actually relate to someone else and how dysregulated emotions can devastate so much. It's also chock-full of updated resources which is a big help. The text itself is not that profound, but it is an easy read for those dipping their toes in a new diagnosis (either for themselves or a loved one) or who need a basics refresher after years of work and therapy.

[Christian Dittel · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book as it talks about BPD. It also mentions experiences from different people who has it. Not to be bias you have to take it with a grain of salt on the conversations because these are their experiences, not everyone with BPD is the same. There are 4 types and there can be 256 adaptations. This book overall is pretty good for anyone who has recently been diagnosed with BPD. I read the book and I also listened to it on Audible when I used to work graveyard shift These are just notes for a video I was going to make for a review, I might still make it because it helped me to understand myself better and not to feel so alone. I was going through a hard time that year and I was still undiagnosed and untreated, in 2019. I remember making video blogs for my own about my thoughts on the disorder. The book really helped to make me understand and to put aside my thoughts that I had NPD traits. Anyone can have narcissistic traits, even empaths. Thank you, Tabetha, for writing this book.

[Jamie Merrow · Rating 3 out of 5]

I was diagnosed with BPD less than a year ago, and I found this book to be helpful. It's been hard to find books that don't completely vilify people who have BPD. I liked the essay format, and I thought that they were honest and relatable. I didn't care for the essay "Redefining BPD," as it seemed a complete denial of the existence of BPD. Overall, I think it's a good start as to where books should head in regards to Borderline Personality Disorder.

[Amy · Rating 3 out of 5]

I. An see why this would be a validating (for the most part) book for individuals they may have the diagnosis of BPD. I liked how the book was not clinically written and based on personal essays. As a clinician, I felt some of the personal essays tended to fall more towards the inaccurate or skewed side but irregardless, this book was written more for the patients, not the clinicians.

[Janet Daprato · Rating 4 out of 5]

I have never had a good 'feel' for what a personality disorder is. This book starts out with basic description of BPD, emphasizing that everyone is different but there are some commonalities. There are several anecdotal stories from individuals that help my understanding. Then they help answer the question, 'what can be done'? Lots of suggestions and references in the last part of the book.

[Tammy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Informative

I found the information in this book laid a solid foundation for understanding this diagnosis , the struggle and hopefully, with application of the suggestions a way to finally understand and communicate with my loved one suffering with this disease.

[Linda · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wonderful book

This book offers quite a few perspectives on BPD- From the person that has it, to the families that are trying to cope, and the professionals that are treating these clients. Very good resource for people interested in learning more about BPD.

[Chris C. · Rating 5 out of 5]

Hopefully there will be more anthologies of those living with Borderline Personality. There was a nice variety of stories but some were very long and scientific. I'm here for personal stories that we get nowhere else. 5 stars in hopes for more.

[Alison Randa · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very interesting read! It was cool to get a glimpse at so many lives and see how our lives intersected. I think its a good read to get acquainted with the subject but I would've loved to get a ittle more in depth with the stories.

[Sue Kelly-Kohlman · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is a great primer for people becoming acquainted with the concept of borderline personalities. I found the parts written by patients, themselves very telling. I see that, as usual, in mental diseases doctors seem to differ in how they think people who have borderline personalities should be helped and the patients, themselves each has different viewpoints about how they are coping and should be fighting this disease.

[Lucy McCoskey · Rating 4 out of 5]

this book personalizes this disorder with individual success stories giving hope and insight

[Rinku · Rating 3 out of 5]

This gave me a lot of informaion about this disorder.

[Daniel M · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thank you

This is the experience l have lived with in a family member. Hearing about the trials and success for themhas helped me
. I am using dbt on myself so I do not get angry easily about the family member in question

[amber · Rating 3 out of 5]

2.5.

[Orly · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was a book of personal essays. Some stories were better told than others, and some gave more insight into BPD than others did.

[Abigale Pechie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I didn't finish it completely but this book has been the best Borderline book I have ever read. It shows more than just the textbook Borderline and about their family members. It has many helpful sites, books, and other pieces of information at the end as well. I think there needs to be more books like these for all mental illnesses, espically personality disorders.

[Rachel Rae · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is the best book I've read for borderline personality disorder. Plus it was free for kindle!

[A · Rating 5 out of 5]

First-hand accounts of surviving and thriving after BPD diagnosis

[Laura Marchildon · Rating 3 out of 5]

Good book on real stories about people that have Borderline personality disorder.

[Caitlin H]

I wanted to be able to read this book, really. But right now i don't think i can. I start trying & it just automatically makes me feel like i'm being dragged down.

I read the very beginning just fine-- the usual "here's what BPD is" that i've read before. No problem there. But when i started reading the essays, somehow it felt raw enough that it affects me. Right now, i'm not in a place where i can read this, thanks to my own BPD (& MDD).