Apples and Oranges: My Brother and Me, Lost and Found

by Marie Brenner

What is more complicated than the relations between brother and sister? To discover a brother she hardly knew, Marie Brenner, bestselling author and renowned reporter, leaves behind her life in New York City to reconnect with her ailing sibling. Reconnect is not really the right word, however, because the two have never been compatible. Marie’s brother Carl—yin to her yang, red state to her blue state—lives in Texas and the apple country of Washington State, spending his time cultivating his apple orchards, attending church, and paying NRA dues. Meanwhile, Marie has had a successful career among the “self-important lefties” her brother loathes. In her attempt to care for Carl, the journalist instead finds that health problems can hardly slow down her alpha male brother. The unspoken grudges, the long-harbored frustrations, all of it bubbles up as her brother remains determined to live.

In her exposés of Big Tobacco and the Enron scandal, Brenner unveiled the secret networks and simmering malevolence behind the corporate façade. Now the reporter trains her incisive eye on the complexities of family dynamics.

In the end, Apples and Oranges is a book about reconciliation. Forced to face the faults and follies of their relationship, Brenner learns to speak her brother’s language, and eventually the two are able to break down some of the walls. Apples and Oranges is a fearless look at families and what makes them stick together— for better or for worse.

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction, Biography, Autobiography

268 pages, Hardcover

First published May 13, 2008

Reviews

[Shai · Rating 3 out of 5]

I could have given this another star but I was bored reading some parts of the book. The story about his grandfather's and aunts should have written on the first part of the book because it looks like it was jumbled entirely to the flow of the story. The author also should have included some excerpts from his brother's diaries so the readers could have a glimpse of what his brother really like.

[Gretchen Rubin]

I met Marie Brenner, and whenever I meet someone who has written a memoir, I run out and read it. This is a fascinating account of a difficult but loving relationship between an adult sister and brother, a subject that interests me greatly but isn't often written about.

[Melissa · Rating 2 out of 5]

I really want to love this book, but the more I read, the less I do. The subject was irresistable to me when I read the review in tht NYT: it's about a brother and sister who are very different but somehow find commonality when the brother finds out he's dying. It is also a memoir which I am a complete sucker for. Unfortunately (and maybe I am just not sophisticated enough to appreciate it), her completely non-linear style leaves me really frusterated. She writes a lot about her family history and about her life and her brother's. But it's all kinda of garbled together. Often (especially at the beginning of chapters), there will be a few sentances which appear to be dialogues, but it is completely unclear who the speaker is. Often the best books read in a way that is difficult to grasp at first, and I am the first person willing to put in some time to learn style, but about halfway through, I am ready to throw in the towel.

[Kathryn · Rating 2 out of 5]

Why do people write memoirs? I guess it's to help them feel better about themselves. This one just irritated me. It was all about Marie and no one else. Where does it say that siblings have to get along or even like each other? Why can't people be happy with who they are and let others be happy with who they are. We so often want people change to what we think they should be to be a better person. This book was only read because much of it takes place in Wenatchee WA where I live and my book club read it this month...

[Danielle · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book was a memoir of sorts. Based on the title and some vague commentary throughout the book I'm guessing what it was supposed to be about was the relationship between the author and her brother. It wasn't really. Yes they both appeared in the book and their somewhat peculiar relationship both strained and cold yet oddly close in that they were in constant contact was referred to, but I really never got a real sense of their relationship. I didn't necessarily feel like it was the focus of the book either. In addition to talk of their relationship there were also references to other various family members both immediate and distant. I had a hard time keeping track of who they all were or why I should care. Even the author seemed to feel this way as for most of these people she kept emphasizing their kind of B-class fame like hanging out with Frida Kahlo and such. I guess if they are kind of historical pseudo-celebrities I'm supposed to care. Also it really bugged me that from the beginning of the book you know that the brother is ill with some sort of disease but the author refuses to name what it is until about halfway through the book. There are many references to illness and treatment prior to that and I found it more than a bit ridiculous that she seemed intent on not revealing what it was, particularly after you find out that it's just a form of cancer. Nothing exotic and nothing worth hiding.

[Wren · Rating 3 out of 5]

Brenner clearly uses this memoir as a chance to find some path through the conflicted relationship she's had with her older brother for decades. She contextualizes their relationship within the larger framework of many generations of Brenners, looking for family traits that persist into her and her brother's personalities. Even though she and her brother fight constantly, they talk regularly and visit regularly, betraying an affection beneath the nonstop bickering.

I found myself chiding her for being too analytical, too neurotic, too contentious and too willing to pick at wounds and keep them open. But then I realized that her excesses are mine, and I wonder if we really do have much power to break free from dysfunctional relationships and personal shortcomings. I was not uplifted at all but alarmed at the imperfections she depicts in herself and her relationship with her brother. Now I just want to get a small apartment, a small dog and just give up on myself and the human race.

[Jessica · Rating 1 out of 5]

I actually decided to quit reading this one because I just couldn't get into it. I was really excited to read it because I thought it would be really interesting, but it was just too choppy and inconsistent. It's a memoir of the author's relationship with her older brother, especially when he finds out he has terminal cancer. They never really got along, but once he got sick she wanted to make the effort to reconnect. Her story just jumps all over the place and was hard to follow. I wouldn't recommend this one at all, unfortunately.

[Jillian · Rating 2 out of 5]

One of those books that I had to force myself to finish. The book is about the tumultuous relationship between the author and her brother and how they became "closer" through her brother getting diagnosed with cancer. Confusing at parts because the author jumps all over the place in regards to dates, events, etc. and makes many references to people, places, pop culture that I've never heard of before. It may have been insightful for the author to write this "memoir," but I don't think it needed to be published for the rest of us to somehow learn anything from it.

[Susan · Rating 2 out of 5]

Meh. I didn't enjoy the lack of direct narrative, and I didn't find the mixture of family history and current events to be compelling. I like a memoir with more chronological coherence (or more clear loops). And I didn't quite understand the relationship as it unfolded, either.

[Janice · Rating 2 out of 5]

I wanted to like this more but just couldn't. I found myself skimming pages and wanting to get it over with. Too bad. I was really hoping for a good read with this one.

[RH Walters · Rating 2 out of 5]

81 pages in and I couldn't stop thinking of the other books I have to read. Meh.

[Lisa Kennedy]

it took me forevvvvvver to finish this book, i just really couldn't get into it. i don't know if it was the specific subject or her style of writing, but no, it wasn't for me!

[Mboconnor31 · Rating 5 out of 5]

Tears will find you throughout this memoir, particularly at the end. Another brave piece by Marie Brenner.

I heard her speak a few years back at the now closed Half King’s Pub on 23rd Street, NYC. She was part of their intimate series on authors and appeared there as part of her tour for her book on the life and death of the war correspondent Marie Colvin, A Private War: Marie Colvin and Other Tales of Heroes, Scoundrels and Renegades, which I thoroughly enjoyed. Marie Brenner’s hard realism, shrewd insight and warm heart is inspiring and I have been enjoying her writing ever since.

Apples and Oranges opens new vistas, as it explores her fascinating and intricate family history beginning with her Jewish grandfather from Latvia who emigrated to Texas in 1890 and founded the Texas chain store, Solo Serve. Her Aunt Anita Brenner was integral to the Mexican intelligentsia of the 1920’s in Mexico City with the likes of Diego Riviera, Frida Kahlo and even Trotsky. Anita, an anthropologist with Columbia University PhD, authored a ground breaking art book called Idols Behind Altars which explores the Mayan and Aztec roots of Mexican art. She too was a damn good writer, as exhibited by a singular distinguished and poignant letter in Apples and Oranges, and who not surprisingly became the first woman to regularly report in the New York Times.

Marie Brenner’s brother Carl is the troubling subject of Apples and Oranges which explores their complex and almost preternatural painful relationship through to its ultimate and final closure when Carl passes by his own design in the midst of untreatable or terminal cancer.

[Sarah Beckley · Rating 3 out of 5]

Interesting but disappointed

Brenner doesn't understand why her brother is always angry at her. Like a good storyteller, she leaves nuggets for you to find and think yourself clever for figuring it out, or she is clueless and is the mystery writer who can't identify the killer.

There's a really interesting story in the conflict between the family's Jewish heritage and their passing for Episcopalian in 1950s/60s Texas, but this is only discussed as background. I think the story is there, and not in the fact that Carl's anger is rooted to younger sibling hatred and Brenner getting all the attention from her parents--a story as old as time. Yawn. His death happens in the last ten pages of the book.

There are one or two fantastic books hidden in this memoir, but they aren't the ones on the page.

[Kathryn Noble · Rating 4 out of 5]

A memoir by Marie Brenner about her family-but mainly about her and her brother and their differences and eventually their reconciliation and acceptance.
She elaborates a lot on the past and historical parts of her extended family. (Which is partially not surprising as she is a journalist.)
I did not like how she skipped around all over to describe her father, grandfather, and othef family members andd their contributions to the family.
I had met Marie at a book event for another book she wrote and picked this up at the book signing.
I think she does show some very authentic and difficult situations between a brother and sister and how each one remembers parts of their childhood-many times very differently.
I enjoyed the interview at the end with Lesley Stahl in which Marie talks about the book and some of the things she has come to realize.

[Samantha Siegel · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book! As the younger sister of an estranged family unit, I found it easy to relate to Marie and her relationship (or lack there of) with her brother. Her transparent accounts of her familial interactions were not only brave but validating. I enjoyed the various perspectives she offered and her journalistic approach to really get into the “belly of the beast”, so to speak. I will admit, it felt a bit slow at times but I was committed to the journey, which I feel was a large part of her message- healing doesn’t happen overnight and often times feels unexciting, yet, you keep going and you get there.

I learned a lot about myself and picked up some new tools to improve my relationships!

[Carlene · Rating 2 out of 5]

I wanted to like this memoir and it sounded promising but it jumped around just too much and soon bogged down. I became eager to finish the book and get on to a better read. It was difficult to relate to this brother and sister, to really connect with and care about them. The title states the author and her brother were "lost and found" but I thought the "found" was understated to the point of pretty much remaining lost. I actually found the apple information interesting but then this seemingly important element just disappeared from the narrative. What became of the orchards and apple business? What were Carl's thoughts and plans for his beloved fruits and fruits of his labors?

[Lori · Rating 2 out of 5]

Good idea for a book. Great for consciously considering family relationships with a sincere heart. It was a hard read for me as my relationships are based more on spiritual content that i read. This was more of a “Debbie downer” for me. I do, however appreciate the talents of ALL writers. It takes all kinds to touch the hearts of many!

[Susan Ervin · Rating 4 out of 5]

Even though your siblings may not have the mental issues presented here, if you have any brothers or sisters, you will probably still be able to relate to the complicated relationship told about in this book and might even help you appreciate the sibling(s) you have. Very interesting reading.

[Adele]

Read this for our book club. Hard to follow, hard to understand, never did get the point. Do not recommend this to my friends.

[Kim V · Rating 4 out of 5]

It started when Cain slew his brother Abel. Ever since these Biblical brothers duked it out, siblings throughout the ages have been at war with each other. Of course, not every sibling relationship is one of rivalry. There are countless siblings who are hand-in-glove simpatico. Apples and Oranges: My Brother and Me, Lost and Found by Marie Brenner, however, is not a symbiotic sibling love letter, but rather a détente treaty.

“Apples and oranges” is how their mother described them. On the surface, this assessment seems apt. Carl was a green tea sipping, gun-toting, right-wing, Texan apple farmer. Marie, in comparison, is a Starbucks quaffing, New Yorker who writes for Vanity Fair and other elite publications. As she states, “Our relationship is like a tangled fishing line. We are defined by each other and against each other, a red state and a blue state, yin and yang.” For decades this was the state of their relationship: deep love buried underneath a surface of anger, misunderstandings, and harsh words. However, when Carl is diagnosed with terminal cancer Marie rushes to his side to try and save him and their relationship.

Apples and Oranges is clearly written through Marie’s prism. This partly inevitable as she is the author and partly due to Carl’s meticulous eradication of his notes and letters. At certain points in the memoir I questioned Marie’s assessment of her brother. For example, when Carl sought “‘a hard-working individual’” to manage his apple farm, Marie characterized “the ad [as having:] . . . the social skills of a blowtorch.” Some readers, however, might simply describe Carl’s ad as plain-spoken. Still Marie does not spare herself in this memoir and is candid about her own shortcomings.

The memoir is strongest when the relationship between Carl and Marie is front and center. The parallel story of the Brenner family history, while notable and worthy of its own tome, was often distracting. Similarly, the passages concerning the history of apples in America did not move the primary story forward, except to demonstrate Marie’s devotion to finding a common ground with her brother.

When the spotlight shines on Marie and Carl’s relationship, Apples and Oranges is a compelling read. Few memoirs are as authentic as the passage below:

I love you more than anyone . . . . You are my brother. We are Brenners. Team Carl.
There is no epiphany. There are no final words.
Don’t leave me, he says. Tears run down his cheeks. I am sorry for everything.

Apples and Oranges is a lot like real life: messy, complicated, and worth savoring every second.

[Leigh · Rating 4 out of 5]

Carl Brenner is dying from cancer. His sister Marie, the author of this book, drops everything in her life to come be by his side in his final months. It seems like the action of a close, loving family member, but the truth is that Carl and Marie have always disliked one another. This is the story of these two grown children trying desperately to repair their broken relationship and come to understand each other before it's too late.

The book is beautifully written. One gets engrossed in the story, forgetting that one of our protagonists is a writer, until a gem of prose jumps off the page and sends this English teacher running for her highlighter.

One aspect of the book that didn't quite work for me was the family history that Marie tried to weave into this memoir. When she began her quest to understand her brother, Marie dove into the family archives to examine her relatives - in particular the complicated relationship between her grandfather and his siblings. On one hand I understood Marie's motives - I, too, tend to use research as my first line of attack in trying to understand a phenomenon. On the other hand, I am not sure that this research was really what led Marie any closer to Carl. It was a distraction - it took both Marie and the reader away from the real story.

That said, the honesty and rawness of emotion in this book was enough to keep me reading and enjoying it. Marie doesn't sugarcoat anything. She digs deep - demonstrating how difficult it is to at the same time confront past hurts, put aside the annoying and enfuriating aspects of her brother's personality in order to tolerate being around him, delve into the unfamiliar world of apple growing in an attempt to understand his current perspectives and passions, and do it all on a deadline. The Herculean effort proves worth it, as the result is two-fold: Marie and Carl are able to see each other more clearly, even if only for a few weeks out of their lives, and we readers are left with a moving memoir and a reminder to get our own strained relationships on track, nomatter how challenging it might seem.

[Mike · Rating 4 out of 5]

Wow! This one's a keeper!!
It's been getting some awesome reviews, so I came at it w/ pretty high hopes. Happily, A's & O's lived up to--even exceeded--all this hype.

Brenner is a professional journalist. So her prose can be powerfully clear, succinct, concise. But what's especially cool about this memoir is how she appears (more transparently) as a character as well as a participant-observer in this engrossing narrative.

One of the haunting mantras or refrains of Brenner's life (& her relationship w/ her estranged brother) is: "Sometimes you do not get to understand everything."
Nevertheless, she comes at least close to understanding a whole lot. And she is willing to draw wisdom & insight from wherever she can possibly glean it.

I appreciate her humility, candor, & authentic vulnerability as much as her insatiably, omnivorously curious mind. She understands--to her core--that we all have "shadow sides."

So--perhaps especially?!--do most of our families.

I was lucky to pick up my copy of Apples and Oranges right before a 3-hour plane trip. So I got to read it in one swell foop--in just a single sitting.
For those 3 hours, I was utterly transported into the life of the Brenners--particularly her vexing, complex relationship w/ her older bro (w/ its "mixture of hate and love, rage and need, all scrambled together"). I couldn't put it down.

A's & O's may be mostly about Marie & Carl. Yet it also incisively explores how/why families are (multi-generational) holons--or organic systems w/ parallel processes, permeable boundaries, and all of the things that make human groups as fascinating as they are frustrating.

Our family "wholes" always entail so much more than just the sum of our family "parts." If you happen to have grown up in a family yourself--or are a member of one (or more!) now, you might find some haunting resonance in this remarkably honest account.

[Lisa · Rating 2 out of 5]

I had been browsing through Amazon.com to find any books with my hometown, Wenatchee, WA in the title and this book was one of them. It's primarily about the brother-sister relationship and how difficult it can be. At least it was difficult for this brother and sister. The sister, author of the book, was a published author living in Manhattan, and her brother had moved to Washington State and was growing apples and pears (one of the major industries here).

The author made some pilgrimages from NYC to Wenatchee in an attempt to repair her relationship with her brother, and he did sound somewhat hard to get along with, but her contemptous remarks about Wenatchee distracted me so much it was hard to muster any sympathy for her. (Sample from her trip to Wenatchee in late September of 2001: "Rural America is in front of me-- ten-wheelers, RV camps, fertilizer and feed stores. The women I see are in combinations of prints and plaids. Where do these women get their clothes?")

There are numerous other examples of her contempt for the area, which colors her conversations with her brother. The brother dies of cancer in 2008 and she had somewhat made her peace with him, but not completely. Interesting to read of their problems in communicating; I have one younger brother who is my only sibling, but luckily for us, we have not had these kinds of communication problems, at least not anywhere near the extent these two did.

Apparently the author still retained some ownership of the orchards, because the book ends with her coming back to the area to visit the fruit warehouse in 2008. Hopefully she'll have seen that the townspeople have shed their sunbonnets and petticoats by now.








**#57 of 100 books pledged to read/review in 2015**

[Dana · Rating 4 out of 5]

Marie Brenner has written a memoir about her confusing and strained relationship with her brother, Carl. He is as conservative as she is liberal. He is a former lawyer turned apple farmer, she is a big city investigative journalist. All their lives they have been 'at each other's throats'. Neither understanding the other. It was just easier to live apart.

When Carl, Marie's brother, is diagnosed with cancer Marie drops everything; her job, her friends and her husband to try to help and bond with her brother. Carl wants nothing to do with this and barks out orders to her. She in turn ignores these and irritates him. Can they ever find common ground? Marie researches everything. She learns all about possible cures and alternative treatments. She learns all she can about apple farming.

Brenner has documented her family's history with sibling rivalry. Her father did not get along with his sister. Could this be a pattern in families? Brenner had hoped by researching the past she would be able to bridge the gap in communication and understanding in the present. Brenner also visited a therapist to try to understand. Not many of us would go to these lengths to re-connect with our brother or sister.

For all of us who experience sibling miscommunication this book hits very close to home. Marie keeps on trying to establish a relationship which Carl alternately accepts and then pushes away. Sometimes sad, sometimes funny, sometimes frustrating this book has every emotion.

[UpstateNYgal · Rating 4 out of 5]

Comming from a family of 4 siblings I am always interested in these types of books.
The author is trying to come to terms with the vast differences between her and her brothers personalities, the reasons why they are so different and trying to reach the point where they can peacefully co-exist.
I did dog ear a couple of pages that stood out, on one page she and her brother are in the same hotel, she states that she is "as alone as she has ever been" and "there is no way she can share that with her brother"..it was so sad but it did illustrate their non communication skills.
Another passage states that "how we are with our siblings has nothing to do with how we are in the world" and that I find very true, I am often amazed at how we treat our loved ones vs. commom friends, even strangers.
I have always comforted myself with the fact that we feel safe in knowing that our loved ones will always love us no matter how badly we act towards them...maybe this is not so true after all.

I wouldn't say I loved this book because I really didn't get a huge sense of Marie's issues with her brother Carl, it seemed like she was just giving small glimpses. It was obvious that they were two very different people, I was looking for defining moments that would have given more insight into the issues instead of just reading over and over about how difficult he was.

[Florinda · Rating 2 out of 5]

I just couldn't warm to this book. As far as memoirs go, it really didn't work for me, and I found that frustrating. I thought that the best parts of the book were those that involved Marie Brenner's reporting skills, such as relating the complicated histories of preceding generations of her family and discussions of apple farming. I felt that she was too close to her own story in trying to sort out her always-prickly relationship with her dying brother Carl, and I didn't really feel that I gained much insight into either of them as people. Brenner does well at relating what happened, and though she's trying to get to the why, I didn't really get as much of a sense of that as I wanted to, as a reader. For the most part, the book didn't resonate emotionally for me, and that's usually a quality I look for in a memoir. Having said that, though, I should note that I did hang in for the whole thing, and it did eventually all click for me in the last seventy-five pages or so.

As you can see, I'm having some trouble writing objectively about this one - but I suppose that if I found it frustrating enough to want more from it, it did connect with me, just not necessarily as I would have wanted it to.

[Kristina · Rating 3 out of 5]

The complicated relationship between Marie and her brother Carl is put on display with extensive details about their predecessors' family angst. Her casual voice in telling the story made it a very fast read and very enjoyable. Being from San Antonio, I especially enjoyed the details about living in San Antonio and the descriptions of Central Market are dead-on.

There were a few things that I wanted to know that were not included in the story: 1) what happened to the Solo Serve stores? 2) exactly what was the transition from lawyer to apple grower? why not texas hill country peaches? 3) is her husband Ernie a saint for not minding his wife being away for what seems to be the majority of the time. 4) she appears to be living again in New York- how did it effect her to leave San Antonio again?

There are reader complaints that the book's timeline is jumbled, but I enjoyed having the two parallel stories to see how her elders handled their own rivalries.

If I could, I'd give this book 3 1/2 stars...

[Maya · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is one of those books I picked up off the "new books" shelves at the library because I liked the cover. It's a memoir, sort of, more of an exploration of the author's relationship with her brother taken through his cancer, her career, family history, and his apple orchards.

It took awhile for me to get into the book, but once I did I quite enjoyed it. The writing has a stream of consciousness style to it, although since she is a journalist I'm sure it's all very intentional and edited.

Even though the story has quite sad parts and even though you see them coming (early in the book she says "I could never have written this book while my brother was alive.") I found the book to be optimistic and hopeful. I don't have siblings, but I do have difficult relatives (who doesn't) and this book is a wonderful reminder to try and understand and accept those difficult people in our lives, to try and bridge the gaps between us and them, so that we can enjoy all the good things they bring to our lives.

[Jayt · Rating 2 out of 5]

Perplexing - that is what Marie Brenner calls her brother, Carl. And that's exactly what this book is. It is a frustrating, annoying book. It's not a memoir. It's a mess. Of a sibling relationship filled with boasting, bitterness and boring moments. Maybe that was their real relationship, but people read to learn something and find the courage to live their own lives. This book did not provide that. It made me want to scream, "Stay away from each other!" and I doubt that is what the author intended. In her epilogue interview with Lesley Stahl, the author says we should reach out to our lost siblings no matter how many years have gone by. Why, so they can yell at us again, like Carl? It breaks my heart that this book got published when the editor should have pushed Marie to write something so much better and wiser. And shorter. It feels like she wrote it as the final correction (as Jonathan Franzen would say) -- Carl wanted to erase everything that was written about his life, but Marie got the last word.