Jump to ratings and reviews
Rate this book

Dear Boy: Lord Chesterfield's Letters to His Son

Rate this book
Dear Boy is the selected correspondence of Lord Chesterfield to his son Philip, which began in 1737 and continued for thirty years. The letters, both cheeky and esoteric, comprise a powerful strategy for success which is as relevant today as it ever was.

192 pages, Hardcover

First published January 1, 1774

41 people are currently reading
898 people want to read

About the author

Philip Dormer Stanhope

877 books25 followers
Philip Dormer Stanhope, 4th Earl of Chesterfield PC KG was a British statesman and man of letters.

A Whig, Lord Stanhope, as he was known until his father's death in 1726, was born in London, and educated at Cambridge and then went on the Grand Tour of the continent. The death of Anne and the accession of George I opened up a career for him and brought him back to England. His relative James Stanhope, the king's favourite minister, procured for him the place of gentleman of the bedchamber to the Prince of Wales.

Ratings & Reviews

What do you think?
Rate this book

Friends & Following

Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!

Community Reviews

5 stars
84 (38%)
4 stars
72 (33%)
3 stars
47 (21%)
2 stars
10 (4%)
1 star
3 (1%)
Displaying 1 - 27 of 27 reviews
Profile Image for Jolanta.
423 reviews31 followers
March 18, 2022
❝ Jeigu žmogaus mintys, veiksmai pasižymi vulgarumu ir atsiduoda vidutinybe, vadinasi, jis yra gavęs menką išsilavinimą ir pratęs buvoti prastoje kompanijoje.

❝ Manau, kad dykinėjimas- tai vienas iš savižudybės rūšių: žmogus iš esmės žūsta, o jo gyvuliški instinktai kartais tebereikalauja savo. Veikla niekad netrukdo malonumams; priešingai, jie suteikia skonį vienas kitam.

❝ Kiekvienas privalumas ir kiekviena dorybė turi sau giminingą ydą ar silpnybę, ir jeigu peržengiamos tam tikros ribos, nugrimztama į vieną arba kitą. Dosnumas virsta išlaidumu, taupumas- šykštumu, drąsa- beprotybe, atsargumas- bailumu
Profile Image for huynh ly.
97 reviews
December 3, 2022
Mình rate 3.5/5 nhưng làm tròn 4 nhé

This is a review in Vietnamese because I read this book in Vietnamese 🌷 It has such as beautiful book cover in the Viet’s version and the title that was translated also sounds really nice. Okay anyway, only Vietnamese from now on.

Cuốn sách giống như cái tên của chính nó, vì khi đọc xong, bạn sẽ nhận ra rằng, ngoài những kiến thứ sách vở học trên trường, học về phép lịch sự, đối đãi với con người, cách đối nhân xử thế, cách tôn trọng lẫn nhau đã hết nửa cuộc đời rồi, còn phải hoàn thành tốt những việc đó thì lại tốn thêm nửa cuộc đời nữa.

Có nhiều phần thì mình cảm thấy không relate chắc có lẻ vì cuốn sách này đã từ rất lâu rồi, since 1700s. Hơn 300 năm cho nên khác biệt lớn về thế hệ nhưng những bài học ở những đời trước thật sự áp dụng rất tốt vào cuộc sống hiện tại.

Mình nhớ rất rõ khi Chesterfield nói “Phụ nữ ngày xưa nhận được nhiều tôn trọng hơn bây gi.” Tôi cảm thấy vừa đúng lại vừa sai vì phụ nữ ngày xưa kính cổng cao tường, đoan trang, nhưng đa số họ lại nhu nhược, đàn ông cầm quyền cho nên họ đoan trang. Phụ nữ hiện tại đã thay đổi, họ hiện đại hơn, và muốn sòng phẳng với những người đàn ông con trai nên sự tôn trọng cũng khác với sự tôn trọng ngày xưa.

Có một chương mình rất không thích nghi Chesterfield nói rằng người chơi nhạc cụ là vô công rỗi nghề, một quý ông lịch lãm chỉ ngồi nghe thôi. Mình cảm thấy không đúng vì những pianist hay những người chơi nhạc cụ khác nhìn rất tinh tế và tài năng, mình sẽ không nói sâu vì chuyện này đã viết ra ở quá khứ rồi.

Nhưng mình cũng rất biết ơn Chesterfield vì cuốn sách này vì mình học được mình đã từng cư xử sai như thế nào vì mình rất im lặng, mình thích lắng nghe người nhưng không nghĩ việc chỉ lắng đôi khi cũng rất thiếu tôn trọng người đối diện.

Mình chắc chắn sẽ đọc lại cuốn sách này vì cuốn này mình kéo dài thời gian nên mạch sách không còn mượt mà nữa. Vẫn là một cuốn sách rất đáng đọc để trở thành một con người tốt hơn và có một cuộc đời tuyệt vời hơn 🌷
Profile Image for Seth Davis.
60 reviews4 followers
April 15, 2019
This is a short one with some good advice on what to focus on in life. The letters are a little inconsistent, and it starts a bit slow. The audio edition read by David Thorn is not great from my perspective as he plays with a bit of the over the top old British play speech pattern similar to the King in Hamilton. The letters pick up a bit, and there are much more interesting as they go. It's amazing that many of the standards and realities of the world haven't changed in 300 years.
Profile Image for Dayna Smith.
3,258 reviews11 followers
January 17, 2023
A classic epistolary collection of autobiographical letters from the Earl to his son overseas. A wonderful look at a father's relationship with his son and his advice on what it takes to be a man and a gentleman. All young men should read this - or their fathers should read it to them. A Reader's Corner Highly Recommended Read.
Profile Image for Roman Zadorozhnii.
264 reviews31 followers
April 29, 2023
Знайшов для себе багато цікавого, корисного та надихаючого.
74 листи, в яких батько ділиться з сином свої досвідом, порадами та рекомендаціями, щоб останній мав найкращі можливості для успіху в добірному товаристві.
Profile Image for Maryana.
72 reviews8 followers
February 11, 2017
Я готова поставити 5 за книгу, як за розповідь про істинний образ джентельмена 18 століття.
Але якщо шукати тут рекомендацій щодо виховання сучасних дітей, то багато порад будуть не актуальнимим, навіть більше, я ловила себе на тому, що мені шкода хлопця від якого батько постійно лише вимагає, і говорить, що його любов треба заслужити (а не пішов б ти, лорде, лісом, подумала я, що подумав про мене лорд боюсь і думати)), якому дає ніби й правильні і потрібні поради (стосовно того, кому потрібно давати поради, наші думки з лордом розійшлися), але в той же час забуває, що в цього хлопчика є душа, і він інший, просто тому, що не може бути клоном свого батька, що у нього можуть бути інші погляди і ним мають бути зроблені помилки в житті, бо чужий досвід, так і залишиться чужим, а треба ж мати свій!
Не заперечую, що з книги можна взяти багато корисного для себе, в тому числі і як не перетворити живу людину на робота.

Знаю, що 18 століття не 21, і я не лорд)), але мій розум просто збунтувався проти цієї книги
Profile Image for Michael Huang.
1,033 reviews54 followers
January 8, 2019
In today's time of twitter, it's hard to imagine the earl of chesterfield would spend so much time to write hundreds of letters to his son. This collection of 20 some letters are but a small sub set of those letters in which the earl tried a lot to educate his son on the art of becoming a worldly man. Many letters show significant level of worldly wisdom that even today seems sound. For instance:

* "… it makes me but more quick-sighted as to your faults; those it is not only my right, but my duty to tell you of; and it is your duty and your interest to correct them.

* On pitying mistakes in opinions: "The blindness of the understanding is as much to be pitied as the blindness of the eye; and there is neither jest nor guilt in a man's losing his way in either case. Charity bids us set him right if we can, by arguments and persuasion; but charity, at the same time, forbids, either to punish or ridicule his misfortune."

* "Do not think that I mean to snarl at pleasure, like a Stoic, or to preach against it, like a parson; no, I mean to point it out and recommend it to you, like an Epicurean: I wish you a great deal; and my only view is to hinder you from mistaking it."
Profile Image for Dainius Jocas.
128 reviews4 followers
January 16, 2014
Skaičiau ir džiaugiausi, tačiau tuo pat metu ir liūdėjau. Liūdėjau, kad ši knyga anksčiau nepapuolė man į rankas. Džiaugsmui buvo daug priežasčių.

Visų pirma, likau sužavėtas tėvo santykiu su sūnumi. Laikui bėgant tėvas iš mokytojo ir pavyzdžio virto draugu. Geriau pagalvojus, labai teisingas ėjimas, nes draugai klausimus aptaria kiek kitaip nei mokytojas su mokiniu -- kolegiškai.

Antra, tėvo reiklumas sūnui. Fantastinis palyginimas, kad autorius yra pats negailestingiausias savo kūrinių kritikas, nes juos stengiasi padaryti tobulus, o tėvas irgi yra savo sūnaus autorius. Todėl tėvas gali ir, manau, privalo kritikuoti savo sūnų tam, kad sūnus būtų puikus žmogus.

Dėstomas požiūris nėra vien gėlės. Pavyzdžiui, moterys yra lyginamas su dideliais vaikais -- abejojama jų protiniais sugebėjimais.

Gal kiek mažai relevantiškos yra visokios su aristokratijos gyvenimu susijusios smulkmenos, nes aristokratu turbūt jau būti neteks.

Vietoje pabaigos, skaityti laiškus sūnui nuo tikro lordo tėvo ir tuo pat metu pasijausti tuo sūnumi, tikrai verta.
Profile Image for rogue.
130 reviews
October 16, 2012
I've only read a pocket edition with selections from Chesterfield's Letters to His Son, but the insights and tenderness packed into my tiny volume are enough to last for a lifetime. The pocket edition is perfect to take along with me as a reminder of how to be a better more socially graceful and polite person.
13 reviews1 follower
September 23, 2014
Nothing much to take from this book in our age.
Profile Image for Raminta Rusinaitė.
257 reviews9 followers
August 17, 2021
Knyga gimė iš meilės savo sūnui. Tėvas visomis išgalėmis siekė mylimam sūnui suteikti žinias kaip tapti puikiu vyru, džentelmenu, diplomatu. Jis skyrė daug pinigų jo išsilavinimui bei laiko dalindamasis savo sukaupta patirtimi. O dabar trumpai, kaip gimė ši laiškų serija, tapusi knyga, kuri virto klasika, vedle ir yra spausdinama šimtmečius.

Philipas Dormeris Stranhopas, vėliau gerai žinomas kaip lordas Chesterfieldas gimė 1694 m., Londone. Jis paveldėjęs titulą ir žemes iš tėvo, susilaukė nesantuokinio sūnaus, kurio lavinimu itin rūpinosi ir domėjosi. Sūnui Philipui lankant Vestminsterio mokyklą, Chesterfieldas jam parašė daugybę laiškų, kuriuose dėstė apie gyvenimą, vyriškumą ir patarė kaip tapti tikru džentelmenu. Jis buvo griežtas ir reiklus, tačiau sūnaus lavinimui visiškai negailėjo išteklių.

Lordas Chesterfieldas buvo itin aristokratiškas, puikus džentelmenas ir gerai išmanė politiką, bei bendravimo meną. Šios savybės leido jam užimti valstybės sekretoriaus vietą, du kartus būti išrinktam Hagos ambasadoriumi, būti paskirtam Airijos leitenantu. Lordas taip pat galėjo džiaugtis įžymia ir įtakinga kompanija, tokia kaip Popiežius Aleksandras, Johnas Gay ir Volteras. Lordui Chesterfieldui buvo suteiktas „Petnešų ordinas“ 1730 m., tai buvo aukščiausias riteriškumo laipsnis ir labai prestižinis Britanijos garbės ordinas. 1732 m. iš sąjungos su Madelina Elizabeth du Bouchet gimė nesantuokinis jo sūnus Filipas. 1733 m. Chesterfildas vedė Melusiną de Schulenberg, ji buvo nesantuokinė karaliaus Jurgio I dukra. Taip jis netiesiogiai susigiminiavo su karaliumi.

Chesterfieldo sūnui lankant Vestminsterio mokyklą, jis pradėjo šią savo laiškų seriją, kuri galiausiai virto knyga. Po savo mokslų Philipas iškeliavo į įprastą „Grand tour“ aplink Europą, kur naudojantis tėvo įtaka ir pažintimis buvo pripažintas aukštuomenėje ir pristatytas žymiems to meto veikėjams. Nors sūnus darbavosi Britanijos parlamente, jam nelabai sekėsi ir 1764 m. jo buvo paprašyta atsistatydinti. Philipas nebuvo toks kruopštus ir pavyzdingas džentelmenas ir vyras, kokiu tėvas siekė jį padaryti.

Deja, būdamas vos 36 sūnus mirė. Metai prieš mirtį jis buvo slapta vedęs (savo damą sutiko dar „Grand tour“ metu) ir jau susilaukęs dviejų sūnų, apie tai Chesterfieldas sužinojo tik po sūnaus mirties. Po sūnaus Philipo mirties Chesterfieldas paskyrė pinigų ir kasmetinę išmoką savo anūkams, tačiau našlė buvo palikta be globos. Neturėdama kaip prasimanyti išgyvenimui, ji už 1500 ginėjų leidėjui J. Dodsley pardavė visus sūnaus Philipo sukauptus Chesterfieldo rašytus laiškus, taip buvo i��leista knygą „Laiškai sūnui“.

Kadangi po sūnaus mirties nebebuvo tiesioginio paveldėtojo, o su savo teisėta žmona nebuvo susilaukę vaikų, Chesterfieldas įsisūnijo savo krikštasūnį, kuris buvo jo tolimas pusbrolis, taip užtikrindamas dinastijos tąsą.

Ši knyga sulaukė didžiulio susidomėjimo ir buvo laikoma it džentelmeno, aukštuomenės nario, to meto vyro vadovu. „Laiškai sūnui“ leidžia prisiliesti prie daugiau nei prieš 200 metų gyvenusių žmonių savivokos, elito paslapčių, bendravimo meno subtilybių. Kliuvo tik keli dalykai, tai moterų nuvertinimas ir didžiulis prievartinis tėvo reiklumas ir primestiniai lūkesčiai.
Profile Image for Abdullah Almuslem.
493 reviews49 followers
December 16, 2023
A very long book to go through. But these letters from a father to a son worth the effort…

Highlights:

In truth, whatever is worth doing at all, is worth doing well; and nothing can be done well without attention

There is time enough for everything, in the course of the day, if you do but one thing at once; but there is not time enough in the year, if you will do two things at a time.

Every man seeks for truth; but God only knows who has found it


Spanish proverb, which says very justly, TELL ME WHO YOU LIVE WITH AND I WILL TELL YOU WHO YOU ARE

Knowledge is a comfortable and necessary retreat and shelter for us in an advanced age; and if we do not plant it while young, it will give us no shade when we grow old

There is hardly any body good for every thing, and there is scarcely any body who is absolutely good for nothing

Men, as well as women, are much oftener led by their hearts than by their understandings

Pope says, very truly, in his "Essay on Criticism":— A little learning is a dangerous thing; Drink deep, or taste not the Pierian spring

I cannot help forming some opinion of a man's sense and character from his dress; and I believe most people do as well as myself

Those who suppose that men in general act rationally, because they are called rational creatures, know very little of the world

I would advise those who do not speak elegantly, not to speak at all; for I am sure they will get more by their silence than by their speech

Persist, therefore, in keeping the best company, and you will insensibly become like them

Man had better talk too much to women, than too little; they take silence for dullness


We only forget those things of which we know but little

I repeat it again and again to you, Let the great book of the world be your principal study

Profile Image for Karthik.
46 reviews9 followers
March 22, 2018
Read this book and you will fall in love being a "conservative".

Read this book and you will understand what it means to care as a parent for their child.

Read this book and you will appreciate the values behind philosophy.

Read this book by all means for it gives you a chance to become not just literate but educated as well.

My grandpa gifted and read this book to me to kindle my interest reading this book again and again during my childhood. This book sure made a dent in my life for good. I hope and wish it does the same to you as well.
342 reviews10 followers
December 9, 2017
A glimpse into a different time....when a father gave concrete advice to his son about how to be in life.
Profile Image for Khoa.
268 reviews1 follower
October 7, 2023
Some called it blasphemous, some called it Fable of the Bees.
Profile Image for Khoa.
268 reviews1 follower
October 7, 2023
Some called it blasphemous, some called it Fable of the Bees.
Profile Image for Jeff.
266 reviews15 followers
January 14, 2024
Was a short book, cheap and sort of interesting..not 100% sure where I got the idea to read it but I doubt I would ever recommend it 😆
Profile Image for Saadiya.
1 review
March 13, 2025
An inspiring and life-affirming book, relevant at any age.
Definitely a must have in every library!
Profile Image for Hannah.
237 reviews
August 22, 2018
I don't know if it wholly deserves the four stars, but I read every letter with much enthusiasm. Maybe because it's refreshingly not at all like all the children's books I've been reading lately. Apparently many people in the Regency period used these letters as a way to test someone's "gentlemanly qualities." Behavior is the window to the soul. A dramatic upstaging of George Washington's Rules Of Civility and Decent Behavior, this begs to be read in the Queen's English at a dinner party, but is also a fascinating scholarly read.

My favorite: "Buy good books and read them; the best books are the commonest, and the last editions are always the best if the editors are not blockheads."
Profile Image for Bruce Grossman.
39 reviews1 follower
August 10, 2017
A remarkable book-- talk about tiger mothers, this guy was a tiger mother on steroids-- Lord C. is long thought of as a cynic-- but in 2017, with impression management, public relations, Erving Goffman, not to mention "How to Win Friends and Influence People", Lord C. seems rather like an idealist. He does talk uncomfortable common sense, especially about the class system-- interesting the major political role of royal mistresses-- beautiful eighteenth century English.
Profile Image for Nomin.
1 review
February 25, 2014
I've read this book in korean version. Even though i am not so proficient in korean i did read it for the book was really good.
Highly recommended!
Profile Image for Giedrius Kriščiukaitis.
41 reviews1 follower
May 2, 2015
A rare and brilliant opportunity to glance at one persons thoughts, experience and know-how that he wants to share with his son.
4 reviews
January 5, 2020
Auch wenn es teils ein wenig schwerer zu verstehen ist, ist es ein sehr gutes Buch. Die Zusammenfassung am Ende ist wirklich sinnvoll und das Buch für sich ist sehr gut übersetzt.
996 reviews
to-buy
September 9, 2018
From “the ultimate list of books to base your life on” by Ryan Holiday on Medium
Displaying 1 - 27 of 27 reviews

Can't find what you're looking for?

Get help and learn more about the design.