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Girl on a Wire: Walking the Line Between Faith and Freedom in the Westboro Baptist Church
It wasn’t until Libby Phelps was an adult, a twenty-five year old, that she escaped the Westboro Baptist Church. She is the granddaughter of its founder, Fred Phelps, and when she left, the church and its values were all she’d known. She didn’t tell her family she was leaving. It happened in just a few minutes; she ran into her house, grabbed a bag, and fled. No goodbyes.
Based in Topeka, Kansas, the Westboro Baptist Church community is one the country’s most notorious evangelical groups. Its members are known for their boisterous picketing—their zealous members with anti-military, anti-Semitic, and anti-gay signs—“Thank God for Dead Soldiers,” “God Hates Jews,” or “Thank God for 9/11”—and their notorious catchphrase “God hates fags.”
The church makes headlines in news across the country. You’ve driven past its picketers or seen them on TV. It has seventy members and ninety percent of them are part of Libby’s family. They picket concerts, football games, other churches, and, most notoriously, the funerals of servicemen and victims of hate crimes. For its members, to question its rules is to risk going to hell—where worms eat at your body and fire shoots out of your eyeballs.
In Girl on a Wire, Libby is candid about her experience and what’s happened since her escape. On Anderson Cooper Live, she was confronted by the mother of a soldier whose funeral had been picketed, and had to respond. Despite it all, she cares for her family. Her grandfather’s sermons were fear mongering, but she loves him. This unusual memoir presents a rare, inside look into a notorious cult, and is an astonishing story of strength, bravery, and determination.
Based in Topeka, Kansas, the Westboro Baptist Church community is one the country’s most notorious evangelical groups. Its members are known for their boisterous picketing—their zealous members with anti-military, anti-Semitic, and anti-gay signs—“Thank God for Dead Soldiers,” “God Hates Jews,” or “Thank God for 9/11”—and their notorious catchphrase “God hates fags.”
The church makes headlines in news across the country. You’ve driven past its picketers or seen them on TV. It has seventy members and ninety percent of them are part of Libby’s family. They picket concerts, football games, other churches, and, most notoriously, the funerals of servicemen and victims of hate crimes. For its members, to question its rules is to risk going to hell—where worms eat at your body and fire shoots out of your eyeballs.
In Girl on a Wire, Libby is candid about her experience and what’s happened since her escape. On Anderson Cooper Live, she was confronted by the mother of a soldier whose funeral had been picketed, and had to respond. Despite it all, she cares for her family. Her grandfather’s sermons were fear mongering, but she loves him. This unusual memoir presents a rare, inside look into a notorious cult, and is an astonishing story of strength, bravery, and determination.
256 pages, Hardcover
First published August 1, 2017
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October 13, 2018
Having seen the Louis Theroux documentary some years ago which focused on the infamous Westboro Baptist Church, located in Kansas, USA, I was both horrified and fascinated by the church’s extremist views and how they focused on spreading hate and intolerance.
The church’s founder, the authors grandfather, is somewhat idolised throughout this book, whereas the authors aunt Shirley (perhaps the most recognisable face from the WBC) is described as a wicked witch. The author writes from her earliest memories right through she detached herself from the church and her family a few years ago.
The book confirms what many suspect about the WBC, and it’s no less shocking. A lot has been written about the church, Shirley in particular revels in the media focus, but it was intriguing to read from someone with insider knowledge.
The author describes her journey very personally and accepts how her behaviours have impacted others. It was pleasing to read she teaches her own children tolerance, love and understanding. When she wrote she has absolutely no objection to anyone regardless of their sexuality or gender identity, I believe her. She only hopes that young members of the church continue to leave in their droves and the church becomes disbanded. I would agree with that sentiment.
The church’s founder, the authors grandfather, is somewhat idolised throughout this book, whereas the authors aunt Shirley (perhaps the most recognisable face from the WBC) is described as a wicked witch. The author writes from her earliest memories right through she detached herself from the church and her family a few years ago.
The book confirms what many suspect about the WBC, and it’s no less shocking. A lot has been written about the church, Shirley in particular revels in the media focus, but it was intriguing to read from someone with insider knowledge.
The author describes her journey very personally and accepts how her behaviours have impacted others. It was pleasing to read she teaches her own children tolerance, love and understanding. When she wrote she has absolutely no objection to anyone regardless of their sexuality or gender identity, I believe her. She only hopes that young members of the church continue to leave in their droves and the church becomes disbanded. I would agree with that sentiment.
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November 18, 2019I somehow ended up reading memoirs of two of Fred Phelps’s granddaughters at once. Raised in the Westboro Baptist “God Hates Fags” Church, they grew up in what is a sort of combination evangelical church and family cult, where everything followed the whim of their religious zealot grandfather and where at a certain point, daily picketing of all sorts of places, declaring their abhorrent beliefs about homosexuality, was required.
I’m not giving a star rating as this is one of those books written by someone understandably fragile, who deserves respect for the immense amount of courage it took to leave the church, with the help of her co-workers. There are definitely points in the book where it is clear that some parts of this abusive life haven’t been thoroughly worked through - where Libby’s taught beliefs are still holding her back from accepting those who think differently, and there is a lot of nostalgia for Fred Phelps who, as the text makes apparent, is obviously megalomaniacal despite being at times a loving grandpa. There’s also the demonization of Aunt Shirl, which although reasonable contrasts with Fred Phelp’s sympathetic portrayal. It is quite shocking to hear Libby call the guy trying to take over the church’s leadership after her grandfather’s death an “egotistical, power-hungry tyrant” without apparently understanding that that defined her grandfather as leader as well.
The Phelpses don’t fit in a particular box - evangelical but not entirely fundamentalist, culturally conservative but supportive of women family members’ educations and participation in the church, civil rights attorneys but homophobes, believers but absolute jerks. The book doesn’t fit in a box either, reading at times like a self-published stream of consciousness narrative and at times like Harriet Jacobs’ Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl, fitting the story to narrative conventions. The story is, indeed, outlandish at times to the point of disbelief, and the reader is forced to confront a lot of prejudices when acknowledging that it is all true.
I’ll update when I’ve finished _Unfollow_.
I’m not giving a star rating as this is one of those books written by someone understandably fragile, who deserves respect for the immense amount of courage it took to leave the church, with the help of her co-workers. There are definitely points in the book where it is clear that some parts of this abusive life haven’t been thoroughly worked through - where Libby’s taught beliefs are still holding her back from accepting those who think differently, and there is a lot of nostalgia for Fred Phelps who, as the text makes apparent, is obviously megalomaniacal despite being at times a loving grandpa. There’s also the demonization of Aunt Shirl, which although reasonable contrasts with Fred Phelp’s sympathetic portrayal. It is quite shocking to hear Libby call the guy trying to take over the church’s leadership after her grandfather’s death an “egotistical, power-hungry tyrant” without apparently understanding that that defined her grandfather as leader as well.
The Phelpses don’t fit in a particular box - evangelical but not entirely fundamentalist, culturally conservative but supportive of women family members’ educations and participation in the church, civil rights attorneys but homophobes, believers but absolute jerks. The book doesn’t fit in a box either, reading at times like a self-published stream of consciousness narrative and at times like Harriet Jacobs’ Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl, fitting the story to narrative conventions. The story is, indeed, outlandish at times to the point of disbelief, and the reader is forced to confront a lot of prejudices when acknowledging that it is all true.
I’ll update when I’ve finished _Unfollow_.
October 16, 2020
The third escape from Westboro Baptist memoir I've read from one of the younger generation, this one written by Libby Phelps, granddaughter of the church's founder, Girl on a Wire didn't add much to the things learned in the other two books, other than Libby felt like her aunt Shirley (Megan's mom) was scary and mean. I felt like Libby spent a lot more time trying to humanize her family than think about the pain they've caused others over the years. This is her story and her voice, so I try to understand that as a reader, but ultimately, she spends so much time explaining why she loves her family and upbringing that it does make me wonder that if the church hadn't become so much more restrictive when she was already a young adult, if she ever would have left at all. Phelps' heart seems to be in the right place- growing in empathy and education about people born less privileged than herself, but she also seems nostalgic through much of the book, like she misses more of her childhood than she wants to separate from it-- and that makes it a little more diifficult to root for her. Overall, though, I got the impression, that of the three women who've written memoirs, despite Libby being the oldest, that she also may be the least mature/self-aware. As in the other two books, the descriptions of the picketing, and that being such a massive part of this cult's identity still seems super weird to me- I suspect this church/cult will disappear on its own within a couple of years- making a religion out of hating gay people can't be all that sustainable-- at least I hope it can't. Since most of the members were related/family, and so may have left in the last few years, the cult's patriarch excommunicated and then dead, it would be more likely to disappear than many other culty relgions. So let's hope it does. 2 stars, a little too slow and too repetitive of the other memoirs published before this one.
June 3, 2025
It’s hard to read a story like this and not feel anger towards a people group who are so hard core about their beliefs that there’s no room for anyone to make mistakes.
January 2, 2018
Interesting book. I appreciate a more first hand insight on Westboro Baptist Church. The first part of the book just made me sad- for Libby Phelps hearing the trauma she endured and, of course, for all the people she and her family inflicted trauma upon.
I have to agree with previous reviewers that the book feels disjointed, especially at the end. The last couple chapters skip around in time which breaks from the chronological narrative previously established. I was surprised that there was no mention of the death of her grandfather but then it came pages later.
The end in particular felt forced to me. It seems very much that Mrs. Phelps is trying to prove that she has turned 180 degrees from her earlier beliefs and actions. While that’s great, the way this is presented feels disingenuous. She discusses her friend who’s gay and her work with Equality House and the NoH8 campaign but with no real honesty as to the hard conversations that this most assuredly happened. I think in the end what is missing is real emotion. There are hints occasionally of real honesty and vulnerability in this memoir, but it never actually happens. Given the insistence, Libby Phelps tells us during her youth, that one always remains joyful I am not that surprised but am disappointed that her co-writer Sara Stewart didn’t do a better job.
I don’t know if I’d recommend this book or not. It is a page turner. It is interesting. It is informative. I admire Mrs. Phelps for sharing her story. That’s brave. It just that in the telling there’s a lack genuineness and authenticity.
I have to agree with previous reviewers that the book feels disjointed, especially at the end. The last couple chapters skip around in time which breaks from the chronological narrative previously established. I was surprised that there was no mention of the death of her grandfather but then it came pages later.
The end in particular felt forced to me. It seems very much that Mrs. Phelps is trying to prove that she has turned 180 degrees from her earlier beliefs and actions. While that’s great, the way this is presented feels disingenuous. She discusses her friend who’s gay and her work with Equality House and the NoH8 campaign but with no real honesty as to the hard conversations that this most assuredly happened. I think in the end what is missing is real emotion. There are hints occasionally of real honesty and vulnerability in this memoir, but it never actually happens. Given the insistence, Libby Phelps tells us during her youth, that one always remains joyful I am not that surprised but am disappointed that her co-writer Sara Stewart didn’t do a better job.
I don’t know if I’d recommend this book or not. It is a page turner. It is interesting. It is informative. I admire Mrs. Phelps for sharing her story. That’s brave. It just that in the telling there’s a lack genuineness and authenticity.
September 16, 2017
It was interesting and horrifying to learn about what happened behind the scenes for Libby Phelps as she was growing up in the Westboro Baptist Church. As she says, she was brainwashed which is accurate. Given the kind of environment she grew up in, it is remarkable that she was able to escape and create such a new and different life for herself.
March 19, 2018
Just a heads up: by necessity, this review is gonna contain some awful slurs. Sorry.
Even if you don’t know the Westboro Baptist Church by name, chances are you’ve heard about their antics in the news over the past few years. Founded by Fred Phelps, the Kansas-based ultra-fundamentalist church has gained notoriety for its practice of picketing, specifically the funerals of soldiers killed in combat, as well as gay-friendly businesses, with signs proclaiming “God Loves Dead Soldiers,” “Turn Or Burn,” and - perhaps most famously - “God Hates Fags.” Yeah, those guys. They’re reprehensible, hateful maniacs who believe the world has embraced some shadowy homosexual agenda, inviting the wrath of their displeased God. What always bugged me most about the WBC, though, was an idea I just couldn’t wrap my brain around: how does a person become so indoctrinated and spiteful? How does that happen? In “Girl On A Wire: Walking The Line Between Faith And Freedom In The Westboro Baptist Church,” former WBC member Libby Phelps (with help from reporter Sara Stewart) describes growing up in the country’s most notorious church and her harrowing, heartbreaking escape.
What I didn’t realize about the WBC is that it’s made up almost entirely of the Phelps family, about 90% or so; Libby was raised to believe that her family - and her family alone - were God’s chosen few and it was their duty to berate and badger the “sinners” of the outside world into embracing the WBC and, in turn, eternal salvation. I know it sounds crazy to any normal person but Libby had never known anything different. From a very young age, that was just her life. As much as her activities were focused around the WBC and its mission, she also paints a portrait of a relatively typical childhood: swimming with her cousins, sleepovers with her grandparents, playing sports in school, etc. Even her vile hate-spewing grandfather, Fred Phelps, sometimes comes off as a kindly, attentive old man. It’s crazy. Not once do you ever feel sympathy for him or his disgusting church, but “Girl On A Wire” makes it very clear that Libby didn’t know any better because she was sheltered by a sophisticated system of shame, misinformation, and straight-up brainwashing. It’s no secret that Libby, like a lot of her siblings and younger cousins, have rejected the church and the older generation’s beliefs as they’ve grown up and learned to think for themselves. I found it surprisingly heartbreaking, however, when Libby describes her hectic, spontaneous escape because not only was she leaving the WBC, but she was leaving behind the only world she had ever known and, as a result, a lot of her family (she hasn’t spoken to her parents in eight years and they’ve never met their grandchildren). The most fascinating part of “Girl On A Wire” is Libby’s struggle to assimilate into normal society, learning things that most adolescents take for granted and navigating obstacles like finding a new religion, reaching out to the communities that she spent her life offending, and building a family of her own.
It may seem strange to describe someone who spent a lot of their childhood joyfully holding a “God Hates Fags” sign as a hero, but Libby Phelps is a heroic figure. It takes a lot of guts to abandon everything that has defined a person’s life up to that point, to start over, and to actively atone for past mistakes. Nowadays, Libby spends her time working with Equality House, the rainbow-painted charity that sits across the street from the WBC chapel, and she travels the country speaking about her experiences. It’s become a cliche in our divided times but it’s true: love conquers hate. Libby Phelps is proof. With bravery, compassion, respect, and an open mind, Libby Phelps allowed love to conquer her hate and “Girl On A Wire” shows that she’s determined to not let her story be the only one of its kind.
Even if you don’t know the Westboro Baptist Church by name, chances are you’ve heard about their antics in the news over the past few years. Founded by Fred Phelps, the Kansas-based ultra-fundamentalist church has gained notoriety for its practice of picketing, specifically the funerals of soldiers killed in combat, as well as gay-friendly businesses, with signs proclaiming “God Loves Dead Soldiers,” “Turn Or Burn,” and - perhaps most famously - “God Hates Fags.” Yeah, those guys. They’re reprehensible, hateful maniacs who believe the world has embraced some shadowy homosexual agenda, inviting the wrath of their displeased God. What always bugged me most about the WBC, though, was an idea I just couldn’t wrap my brain around: how does a person become so indoctrinated and spiteful? How does that happen? In “Girl On A Wire: Walking The Line Between Faith And Freedom In The Westboro Baptist Church,” former WBC member Libby Phelps (with help from reporter Sara Stewart) describes growing up in the country’s most notorious church and her harrowing, heartbreaking escape.
What I didn’t realize about the WBC is that it’s made up almost entirely of the Phelps family, about 90% or so; Libby was raised to believe that her family - and her family alone - were God’s chosen few and it was their duty to berate and badger the “sinners” of the outside world into embracing the WBC and, in turn, eternal salvation. I know it sounds crazy to any normal person but Libby had never known anything different. From a very young age, that was just her life. As much as her activities were focused around the WBC and its mission, she also paints a portrait of a relatively typical childhood: swimming with her cousins, sleepovers with her grandparents, playing sports in school, etc. Even her vile hate-spewing grandfather, Fred Phelps, sometimes comes off as a kindly, attentive old man. It’s crazy. Not once do you ever feel sympathy for him or his disgusting church, but “Girl On A Wire” makes it very clear that Libby didn’t know any better because she was sheltered by a sophisticated system of shame, misinformation, and straight-up brainwashing. It’s no secret that Libby, like a lot of her siblings and younger cousins, have rejected the church and the older generation’s beliefs as they’ve grown up and learned to think for themselves. I found it surprisingly heartbreaking, however, when Libby describes her hectic, spontaneous escape because not only was she leaving the WBC, but she was leaving behind the only world she had ever known and, as a result, a lot of her family (she hasn’t spoken to her parents in eight years and they’ve never met their grandchildren). The most fascinating part of “Girl On A Wire” is Libby’s struggle to assimilate into normal society, learning things that most adolescents take for granted and navigating obstacles like finding a new religion, reaching out to the communities that she spent her life offending, and building a family of her own.
It may seem strange to describe someone who spent a lot of their childhood joyfully holding a “God Hates Fags” sign as a hero, but Libby Phelps is a heroic figure. It takes a lot of guts to abandon everything that has defined a person’s life up to that point, to start over, and to actively atone for past mistakes. Nowadays, Libby spends her time working with Equality House, the rainbow-painted charity that sits across the street from the WBC chapel, and she travels the country speaking about her experiences. It’s become a cliche in our divided times but it’s true: love conquers hate. Libby Phelps is proof. With bravery, compassion, respect, and an open mind, Libby Phelps allowed love to conquer her hate and “Girl On A Wire” shows that she’s determined to not let her story be the only one of its kind.
March 28, 2020
Read this not long after Unfollow, and it makes a nice point of comparison, partly because they left for different reasons and partly because they had different experiences within the church.
Like Meghan Phelps-Roper, Libby Phelps grew up in the Westboro Baptist Church; she loved her family (including her grandfather); she believed that telling people they were going to hell was how 'love thy neighbour' should be carried out. Like Meghan Phelps-Roper, Libby Phelps eventually left the church.
The biggest difference in their experience seems to be that Phelps-Roper was (according to Phelps) closer to the top of the hierarchy and thus faced less scrutiny within the church (if I remember correctly, Lauren Drain said something similar), leaving Phelps more bitter about her personal experience; in terms of leaving, Phelps-Roper describes her split from the church as largely ideological (her beliefs shifted before she left), while Phelps left partly because she was pushed out and partly because she wasn't happy with her treatment.
There are places where I found myself wishing that Phelps had gone a bit deeper. This moment, for instance: They wanted me to come with them to do presentations and talk about my experience of having bullied people as a picketer. That stung. I said I didn’t think I had been a bully—that I had never tried to make anyone change their ways. That was God’s prerogative. They pressed me on it, but nothing really came of the plan (161). Semantics, I guess, but to...on the one hand 'tried to make someone change' isn't the definition of bullying, and on the other hand that sort of seems beside the point. I'd have loved to see a bit more exploration of that notion (not the question of terminology but...I don't know. Culpability? Maybe not that either. What does it mean for your understanding of yourself when you've moved away from everything you were taught as a child, and when many of those things were hurtful to others? What responsibility do you have after the fact? (How does responsibility change when your harmful beliefs weren't ones that you came to as an adult but ones that you were taught as a child?)
It's a solid read if (like me) you find the WBC, well, appalling but fascinating. If you're only going to read one memoir on the subject, I'd still recommend Unfollow, just because I found it more nuanced, but...I'm not good at reading only one book on a subject.
Like Meghan Phelps-Roper, Libby Phelps grew up in the Westboro Baptist Church; she loved her family (including her grandfather); she believed that telling people they were going to hell was how 'love thy neighbour' should be carried out. Like Meghan Phelps-Roper, Libby Phelps eventually left the church.
The biggest difference in their experience seems to be that Phelps-Roper was (according to Phelps) closer to the top of the hierarchy and thus faced less scrutiny within the church (if I remember correctly, Lauren Drain said something similar), leaving Phelps more bitter about her personal experience; in terms of leaving, Phelps-Roper describes her split from the church as largely ideological (her beliefs shifted before she left), while Phelps left partly because she was pushed out and partly because she wasn't happy with her treatment.
There are places where I found myself wishing that Phelps had gone a bit deeper. This moment, for instance: They wanted me to come with them to do presentations and talk about my experience of having bullied people as a picketer. That stung. I said I didn’t think I had been a bully—that I had never tried to make anyone change their ways. That was God’s prerogative. They pressed me on it, but nothing really came of the plan (161). Semantics, I guess, but to...on the one hand 'tried to make someone change' isn't the definition of bullying, and on the other hand that sort of seems beside the point. I'd have loved to see a bit more exploration of that notion (not the question of terminology but...I don't know. Culpability? Maybe not that either. What does it mean for your understanding of yourself when you've moved away from everything you were taught as a child, and when many of those things were hurtful to others? What responsibility do you have after the fact? (How does responsibility change when your harmful beliefs weren't ones that you came to as an adult but ones that you were taught as a child?)
It's a solid read if (like me) you find the WBC, well, appalling but fascinating. If you're only going to read one memoir on the subject, I'd still recommend Unfollow, just because I found it more nuanced, but...I'm not good at reading only one book on a subject.
December 22, 2025
Libby Phelps (b. 1983) is the granddaughter of the late Fred Phelps, founder of the Westboro Baptist Church (WBC); she was raised in the church but broke away suddenly when she was 25. Her 2017 memoir Girl on a Wire, cowritten with Sara Stewart and published when Phelps was 34, details her church upbringing, the circumstances which led to her departure, and a bit about her life after leaving the church. Of note, Libby Phelps wasn't the first to break away from the family; a number of her siblings and cousins have also publicly broken away, including her cousin and close friend growing up, Megan Phelps-Roper (who wrote about her exit in her 2019 memoir, Unfollow: A Journey from Hatred to Hope).
Like many memoirs written by young people, Girl on a Wire spends a long, extrapolative time on Phelps' childhood and adolescence from the perspective of a young person reliving both their fondest memories and their traumas; there isn't much distillation, analysis, or contextualization happening. Phelps comes across as extremely sheltered, emotionally stunted and even child-like at times, which is a sharp contrast to her cousin's memoir which was much more cerebral and introspective. The devoutness and circumstances surrounding the cousins' departures from the church were also extremely different. In Libby Phelps' case, she portrayed herself as never really a strong believer in the WBC doctrine of hate, but more of a follower and people pleaser who went along with the protests to fit in without giving her actions much thought. Her departure was precipitated by being confronted by relatives about her lack of conviction in church teaching and following too mainstream of a lifestyle; it sounds like they expected her to grovel for forgiveness and keep mindlessly following, but instead, Phelps impulsively decided to pack her things when her family was away and leave without a goodbye, realizing after the fact that there wasn't really any going back given her family's extremism.
I'm glad Phelps was able to break away, though I would have liked to see more firmness in her convictions and perspectives overall. That being said, developing, testing, and refining one's own beliefs is a lifelong process that some engage in more strongly than others.
My statistics:
Book 372 for 2025
Book 2298 cumulatively
Like many memoirs written by young people, Girl on a Wire spends a long, extrapolative time on Phelps' childhood and adolescence from the perspective of a young person reliving both their fondest memories and their traumas; there isn't much distillation, analysis, or contextualization happening. Phelps comes across as extremely sheltered, emotionally stunted and even child-like at times, which is a sharp contrast to her cousin's memoir which was much more cerebral and introspective. The devoutness and circumstances surrounding the cousins' departures from the church were also extremely different. In Libby Phelps' case, she portrayed herself as never really a strong believer in the WBC doctrine of hate, but more of a follower and people pleaser who went along with the protests to fit in without giving her actions much thought. Her departure was precipitated by being confronted by relatives about her lack of conviction in church teaching and following too mainstream of a lifestyle; it sounds like they expected her to grovel for forgiveness and keep mindlessly following, but instead, Phelps impulsively decided to pack her things when her family was away and leave without a goodbye, realizing after the fact that there wasn't really any going back given her family's extremism.
I'm glad Phelps was able to break away, though I would have liked to see more firmness in her convictions and perspectives overall. That being said, developing, testing, and refining one's own beliefs is a lifelong process that some engage in more strongly than others.
My statistics:
Book 372 for 2025
Book 2298 cumulatively
November 17, 2020
We all know how it started: “our church is the only ‘right’ one; everyone else will go to hell if they don’t follow our way.” The Westboro Baptist Church’s pickets are infamous all over the world with their outrageous signs and chants. They openly celebrated 9/11, school shootings, and soldiers’ deaths. But what was it like to be an insider of a WBC? Were its members truly a brainwashed cult or did they have a normal side, at least within the walls of their own houses? Libby Phelps, the granddaughter of the WBC’s founder, tells her personal story in this incredibly honest memoir she wrote after leaving the church and I think everyone needs to hear what she has to say.
Libby always had doubts about certain church doctrines, but I applauded the transformation she underwent after finally escaping from its hateful grip. The main message she offers her readers is that we must stop pushing our beliefs on everyone else claiming that only our answers are the right ones and threatening the rest of the world with the flames of hell. We must respect people regardless of their race, sexual orientation, or religious beliefs, or the lack of such. We must stop trying to set agnostics or atheists or Buddhists or Muslims or Jews or Catholics - whatever - onto “the right path” claiming that “we’re acting in their own interests and saving their souls.” Religion is a private matter and has no place in politics or a multinational, multicultural society such as the US one. We ought to live and let live, and most importantly, love our neighbors. Only then we will be able to move forward as a progressive, all-accepting society.
Libby always had doubts about certain church doctrines, but I applauded the transformation she underwent after finally escaping from its hateful grip. The main message she offers her readers is that we must stop pushing our beliefs on everyone else claiming that only our answers are the right ones and threatening the rest of the world with the flames of hell. We must respect people regardless of their race, sexual orientation, or religious beliefs, or the lack of such. We must stop trying to set agnostics or atheists or Buddhists or Muslims or Jews or Catholics - whatever - onto “the right path” claiming that “we’re acting in their own interests and saving their souls.” Religion is a private matter and has no place in politics or a multinational, multicultural society such as the US one. We ought to live and let live, and most importantly, love our neighbors. Only then we will be able to move forward as a progressive, all-accepting society.
December 22, 2020
This was my first (of three) memoirs by former Westboro Baptist Church members—an easy introduction to the fringe Church, notorious for picketing the funerals of gay men and soldiers. The Church is small, composed of a large family, lorded over by an austere Calvinism that insists that God “hates” just about everyone, except the Phelps family. All theodicy is explained by the sin of homosexuality: 9/11 happened because the US tolerates gays, etc. The experiences that Libby Phelps had was mostly positive: a tight-knit family, a well-run ship, the absence of physical abuse, a lively cultural and athletic life. Add to that weekly protests with signs reading “God Hates…” (America, Fags, You…) and the venomous response. Libby gets out—an exciting chapter!—after being humiliated for wearing a bikini on vacation—the culmination of lots of little contradictions and indignities. The memoir humanizes the family and shows how their antisocial behavior intensified their inner-clan social cohesion.
September 18, 2020
interesting look at growing up in a hateful cult--the Westboro Baptist Church--and escaping never to want to have anything to do with religion again. this is the second book I've read recently about the corrosiveness of people's interpretation of and reliance on their deeply-felt belief in what the Bible says. too bad these beliefs are totally different. the Bible, unfortunately, has become a tool for divisiveness, judgment, emotional brutality...
"Jesus wept".
"Jesus wept".
October 7, 2020
Phelps is the granddaughter of Fred Phelps, who founded the Westboro Baptist Church and started some of their most hateful actions. She describes her upbringing and tries to explain why she stayed in the church until she finally knew she had to leave. A fascinating look into an unbelievable cult-like group.
December 10, 2017
Read it cover to cover, barely stopping to put it down. Fascinating story of the complicated life of a woman who is someone from whom we could all learn, especially in light of so much hatred and divisiveness in modern America. Must read!
June 29, 2018
Although reading about this group makes me very sad, it is important to understand what they are thinking and believing.
If you live in Topeka, you need to read this book.
If you live in Topeka, you need to read this book.
November 13, 2020
An excellent memoir by a granddaughter of Fred Phelps, the gay-hating leader of Westboro Baptist Church in Topeka, Kansas. It amazes me for some reason that Fred staked his entire career as a religious bigot on how awful gays were. I don't know why he picked that out as his primary cause in life--perhaps because it was so outrageous, and he seemed to like to outrage people. This story of his granddaughter slowly coming to her senses and leaving the church is heartening.
May 26, 2024
THE GRANDDAUGHTER OF FRED PHELPS RECOUNTS HER EXODUS FROM THE WBC
Author Libby Phelps wrote in the first chapter of this 2017 book, “Miraculously, I had been born a member of the only church on Earth whose congregation was going to heaven, and I had been taught from birth what happened to everyone who wasn’t. Or, for that matter, to anyone in our family who strayed from the path of righteousness… My late grandfather, Fred Phelps, was the founder of the Westboro Baptist Church. The church is made up of about seventy people, and 90 percent of them are members of my immediate or extended family. (A few other families would join over the years, but I was always skeptical of them.) The Phelps clan is the backbone of the WBC… Gramps’s name and face are well known all around the world… The media covered my grandfather endlessly, which he loved. Did it bother him that they almost uniformly wrote about how terrible he was? Quite the opposite. He saw himself as a prophet, and as he often told us, throughout history people have always scorned prophets---right up until their prophecies come true.” (Pg. 1-3)
She continues, “I was told that civilization outside of WBC was made up of sinners, alcoholics, drug addicts, and lost souls with no moral compass. There was no gray area: You were either one of us, or you were depraved and doomed… My only view of life outside WBC was that it was an orgy of sin, that absolutely everyone was bound for eternal damnation… I was thankful to have been chosen out of this corrupt and sinful generation, while all others were blinded by the truth. SBC is best known for our picketing, which began in earnest in the early 1990s… You know who we are. You’ve gasped at television footage of me and my family at memorial services for American soldiers, waving signs that say THANK GOD FOR DEAD SOLDIERS… THANK GOD FOR 9/11… For over twenty years, the church has picketed every day, 365 days a year. No exceptions… GOD HATES F-GS, our most well-known sign, was the enduring mantra of the church.” (Pg. 3-4)
She recounts, “When the picketing first began, WBC specifically targeted the gay population at pride parades … Then we branched out to fallen soldiers’ funerals---a 180-degree reversal of Gramps’s previous attitude toward the military, up until the late ‘90s, when he would pray for US soldiers in sermons, referring to them as ‘our boys.’ Once Gramps decided the United State … was on a fast track straight to hell, he proclaimed that no one should be fighting for a nation that supports and enables homosexuality… More specifically, Gramps preached to us that God was killing soldiers because Americans bombed us on August 20, 1995, when a small improvised explosive device went off outside my Aunt Shirley’s house.” (Pg. 5-6)
She explains, “The words on our signs… are really intended more for overall shock value than to make anyone feel bad, although we were often confronted with people brought to tears by our placards. Their visible pain was entirely beside the point, in the church’s view. Short sound bites grab people’s attention and spark interest, as we were taught early and often in church and in picketing meetings. As a result, passerby will look at the signs and have to make a choice: to serve God by picketing with us, or to turn their backs… and continue to be part of unholy America.” (Pg. 6-7)
But she observes, “Most of the world saw Gramps as a condemning, hateful, firebrand cult leader---a man who would be impossible to … love---but the truth is that to me, he was a real grandfather as well as an all-consuming spiritual leader. When he wasn’t talking religion, he seemed like a typical Southern gentleman. He had impeccable manners, and insisted on looking his Sunday best every day… We were close, and I really loved him… Gramps and Gran moved to Topeka … 1954 with my dad. The first-ever church service … was held in November 1955, and from then on it hosted Sunday services nearly every week and continues to this day… for many years before the picketing started, my grandfather ran a more traditional ministry… Gramps would often explain to us with genuine regret that although no one preached the Bible like he did, there was a time when all preachers would do it. John Calvin’s Five Points of Calvinism… were considered the building blocks of Christianity by many preachers of my grandfather’s generation.” (Pg. 8-10)
She also records, “He graduated from Washburn University Law School in Topeka in 1964, founding the Phelps-Chartered law firm soon afterward. He was a well-known lawyer in town for years, famed for his passionate defenses in civil rights cases. He… would take on racial discrimination cases no one else would touch at that time. He represented the likes of Gale Sayers… who contacted Gramps when he played college ball at the University of Kansas… [Gramps] even received an award from the NAACP for his work on behalf of black clients. Later, Gramps would actually use his background in civil rights to shore up his conviction that gay people didn’t deserve equal rights. Since he believed that being gay was a choice---unlike race---he had no problem separating his anti-gay rhetoric from his past as a defender of victims of racial discrimination.” (Pg. 10-11)
She notes, “Gramps and Gran lived in the biggest house on the block, the one that was also home to the church itself… A black wrought iron fence connected to a taller brown lattice fence surrounded the property. The fences stayed locked and were equipped with video surveillance most of the time, as Gramps had become increasingly paranoid in his later years.” (Pg. 17)
She recounts, “Gramps had started making changes in the church rules as well. I got the feeling he was pushed into it by Steve Drain, who with his family had joined the church and was always trying to impress the church elders with his devotion to piety. He had been instrumental in kicking out his own daughter for sneaking around … with boys… Gramps, who was slowing down a bit in his old age, was happy to let him and some of the other men make some more of the decisions. Soon afterward… Gramps himself was being pushed aside by more radical members. IN 2007, WBC members started actively saying that Gramps had lost faith… We were told not to talk to Gramps… Gramps wrote a letter to his congregation… I was told it contained words denouncing [Libby’s aunt] Shirl, blaming her for what he thought was the church’s imminent demise. Shortly afterward, I heard Gramps was excommunicated from the church. He died on March 19, 2014, separated from nearly all of his family.” (Pg. 26-27)
She records, “Regular counter-protestors appeared with their own signs. Other churches started picketing---against us! They carried signs … with slogans like GOD LOVES EVERYONE---which, we knew from Gramps’s sermons, was definitely not the case. And their signs … [were] White background with boring red writing---how was that supposed to grab anyone’s attention compared to out multicolor, eye-popping signs? It wasn’t long before there were enough people in the counter-protests that the men in our group made the decision to link arms to create a barrier against the angry masses.” (Pg. 34-35)
She recalls, “In 1995, a few years after the picketing had started, I began to notice a difference in how I was treated at middle school. Kids didn’t like me anymore… they openly whispered about me… I had been prepared for this for years; Gramps had been preaching about it since I was three. God’s elect would be persecuted, and there was no better place for persecution than middle school… I wanted to wear their judgment like a badge of honor, just as Gramps had instructed.” (Pg. 37-38)
She explains, “One place I did reliably have fun was at our family parties. We never celebrated religious holidays, because Gramps said they were all dirty pagan celebrations at their core… For a while, we celebrated the Fourth of July---but that eventually had to go too, once Gramps had decided the military was fighting for a ‘f-g nation.’” (Pg. 48)
She recounts, “The Vintage was one of the nicest restaurants in town… When Gramps got wind of its manager… being appointed to a gay and lesbian council in town, the place immediately went on our weekly picket list… It all came to a head one day that lives in infamy in our family’s history… ‘the Vintage Massacre.’ … when our picket showed up… [the owner] emerged from the restaurant’s front door with a small group of big, burly men… we always tried to record, in case we needed anything in court later… One of the big men smacked the camcorder out of his hand… Another pushed my uncle Tim… soon Tim was on the ground being kicked by two of the men… Soon it was a full-on melee, with the men in our group being pummeled by Berger’s thugs… Finally, the police and ambulances arrived; several of my uncles… went to the hospital.” (Pg. 74-75)
After the 9/11 attacks, “I pulled into the driveway at Gramps’s place… The tone was upbeat---elated, even… I couldn’t help thinking it felt disrespectful to be so jubilant about so many people getting killed. I knew none of the were ‘innocent’ in our book, but the images on the TV screens were scary and sad and I felt like I was pretending to be happy about it when I wasn’t… As far as Westboro was concerned, 9/11 was our biggest I-told-you-so moment yet---and Gramps intended to use it to its full potential.” (Pg. 102-103) She adds, “the following spring, we organized a picket of the New York firefighters… Among our signs for the occasion was FDNY SIN… THANK GOD FOR SEPTEMBER 11… which would make New Yorkers the angriest? That was what we wanted to go for.” (Pg. 103-104) She goes on, “The church’s fixation on Armageddon intensified after the 9/11 attacks… And when we were in church, we had to sprawl out on the floor… Even more disturbing was how the content of the prayers evolved. We actually started praying for people to die. This chilling development further chipped away at my faith…” (Pg. 105)
She recounts, “It was around this time that church members started saying Gramps was losing faith. Church members were told to not talk to Gramps. It was the beginning of his ouster from his own congregation. The family made sure to hide this internal conflict from a visitor who’d shown up to do a documentary on the church [by] British reporter Louis Theroux… called ‘The Most Hated Family in America.’ … Louis had more of an impact on me than I realized in the moment; he repeatedly asked me if I didn’t yearn to get out in the world and make decisions for myself, and those questions rolled around in my head long after he and the film crew were gone.” (Pg. 110-111)
When her doubts became known, “I felt I was being persecuted, the target of a never-ending stream of ridiculous accusations and unreasonable demands. More than anything I felt trapped. But I still couldn’t see myself walking away from the church, leaving my family. The unknown world outside was too dangerous… I feared for my soul.” (Pg. 146) But ultimately, “The day I moved out was simultaneously the most joyful and most traumatic day of my life. I knew I would never see my family again. But they forced me to make a choice between a life of servitude under the strict rule of the church---a life lived in fear, paranoia, hatred, and hostility---and a life that was unknown, uncertain, but one of my own making… But somehow, by some power, I had found a greater kind of faith. I was walking the tightrope between faith and freedom, with no end in sight. It was time to cut the wire.” (Pg. 157)
This book is probably the best “memoir” of someone leaving the WBC, and will be “must reading” for anyone wanting to know more about this “church.”
Author Libby Phelps wrote in the first chapter of this 2017 book, “Miraculously, I had been born a member of the only church on Earth whose congregation was going to heaven, and I had been taught from birth what happened to everyone who wasn’t. Or, for that matter, to anyone in our family who strayed from the path of righteousness… My late grandfather, Fred Phelps, was the founder of the Westboro Baptist Church. The church is made up of about seventy people, and 90 percent of them are members of my immediate or extended family. (A few other families would join over the years, but I was always skeptical of them.) The Phelps clan is the backbone of the WBC… Gramps’s name and face are well known all around the world… The media covered my grandfather endlessly, which he loved. Did it bother him that they almost uniformly wrote about how terrible he was? Quite the opposite. He saw himself as a prophet, and as he often told us, throughout history people have always scorned prophets---right up until their prophecies come true.” (Pg. 1-3)
She continues, “I was told that civilization outside of WBC was made up of sinners, alcoholics, drug addicts, and lost souls with no moral compass. There was no gray area: You were either one of us, or you were depraved and doomed… My only view of life outside WBC was that it was an orgy of sin, that absolutely everyone was bound for eternal damnation… I was thankful to have been chosen out of this corrupt and sinful generation, while all others were blinded by the truth. SBC is best known for our picketing, which began in earnest in the early 1990s… You know who we are. You’ve gasped at television footage of me and my family at memorial services for American soldiers, waving signs that say THANK GOD FOR DEAD SOLDIERS… THANK GOD FOR 9/11… For over twenty years, the church has picketed every day, 365 days a year. No exceptions… GOD HATES F-GS, our most well-known sign, was the enduring mantra of the church.” (Pg. 3-4)
She recounts, “When the picketing first began, WBC specifically targeted the gay population at pride parades … Then we branched out to fallen soldiers’ funerals---a 180-degree reversal of Gramps’s previous attitude toward the military, up until the late ‘90s, when he would pray for US soldiers in sermons, referring to them as ‘our boys.’ Once Gramps decided the United State … was on a fast track straight to hell, he proclaimed that no one should be fighting for a nation that supports and enables homosexuality… More specifically, Gramps preached to us that God was killing soldiers because Americans bombed us on August 20, 1995, when a small improvised explosive device went off outside my Aunt Shirley’s house.” (Pg. 5-6)
She explains, “The words on our signs… are really intended more for overall shock value than to make anyone feel bad, although we were often confronted with people brought to tears by our placards. Their visible pain was entirely beside the point, in the church’s view. Short sound bites grab people’s attention and spark interest, as we were taught early and often in church and in picketing meetings. As a result, passerby will look at the signs and have to make a choice: to serve God by picketing with us, or to turn their backs… and continue to be part of unholy America.” (Pg. 6-7)
But she observes, “Most of the world saw Gramps as a condemning, hateful, firebrand cult leader---a man who would be impossible to … love---but the truth is that to me, he was a real grandfather as well as an all-consuming spiritual leader. When he wasn’t talking religion, he seemed like a typical Southern gentleman. He had impeccable manners, and insisted on looking his Sunday best every day… We were close, and I really loved him… Gramps and Gran moved to Topeka … 1954 with my dad. The first-ever church service … was held in November 1955, and from then on it hosted Sunday services nearly every week and continues to this day… for many years before the picketing started, my grandfather ran a more traditional ministry… Gramps would often explain to us with genuine regret that although no one preached the Bible like he did, there was a time when all preachers would do it. John Calvin’s Five Points of Calvinism… were considered the building blocks of Christianity by many preachers of my grandfather’s generation.” (Pg. 8-10)
She also records, “He graduated from Washburn University Law School in Topeka in 1964, founding the Phelps-Chartered law firm soon afterward. He was a well-known lawyer in town for years, famed for his passionate defenses in civil rights cases. He… would take on racial discrimination cases no one else would touch at that time. He represented the likes of Gale Sayers… who contacted Gramps when he played college ball at the University of Kansas… [Gramps] even received an award from the NAACP for his work on behalf of black clients. Later, Gramps would actually use his background in civil rights to shore up his conviction that gay people didn’t deserve equal rights. Since he believed that being gay was a choice---unlike race---he had no problem separating his anti-gay rhetoric from his past as a defender of victims of racial discrimination.” (Pg. 10-11)
She notes, “Gramps and Gran lived in the biggest house on the block, the one that was also home to the church itself… A black wrought iron fence connected to a taller brown lattice fence surrounded the property. The fences stayed locked and were equipped with video surveillance most of the time, as Gramps had become increasingly paranoid in his later years.” (Pg. 17)
She recounts, “Gramps had started making changes in the church rules as well. I got the feeling he was pushed into it by Steve Drain, who with his family had joined the church and was always trying to impress the church elders with his devotion to piety. He had been instrumental in kicking out his own daughter for sneaking around … with boys… Gramps, who was slowing down a bit in his old age, was happy to let him and some of the other men make some more of the decisions. Soon afterward… Gramps himself was being pushed aside by more radical members. IN 2007, WBC members started actively saying that Gramps had lost faith… We were told not to talk to Gramps… Gramps wrote a letter to his congregation… I was told it contained words denouncing [Libby’s aunt] Shirl, blaming her for what he thought was the church’s imminent demise. Shortly afterward, I heard Gramps was excommunicated from the church. He died on March 19, 2014, separated from nearly all of his family.” (Pg. 26-27)
She records, “Regular counter-protestors appeared with their own signs. Other churches started picketing---against us! They carried signs … with slogans like GOD LOVES EVERYONE---which, we knew from Gramps’s sermons, was definitely not the case. And their signs … [were] White background with boring red writing---how was that supposed to grab anyone’s attention compared to out multicolor, eye-popping signs? It wasn’t long before there were enough people in the counter-protests that the men in our group made the decision to link arms to create a barrier against the angry masses.” (Pg. 34-35)
She recalls, “In 1995, a few years after the picketing had started, I began to notice a difference in how I was treated at middle school. Kids didn’t like me anymore… they openly whispered about me… I had been prepared for this for years; Gramps had been preaching about it since I was three. God’s elect would be persecuted, and there was no better place for persecution than middle school… I wanted to wear their judgment like a badge of honor, just as Gramps had instructed.” (Pg. 37-38)
She explains, “One place I did reliably have fun was at our family parties. We never celebrated religious holidays, because Gramps said they were all dirty pagan celebrations at their core… For a while, we celebrated the Fourth of July---but that eventually had to go too, once Gramps had decided the military was fighting for a ‘f-g nation.’” (Pg. 48)
She recounts, “The Vintage was one of the nicest restaurants in town… When Gramps got wind of its manager… being appointed to a gay and lesbian council in town, the place immediately went on our weekly picket list… It all came to a head one day that lives in infamy in our family’s history… ‘the Vintage Massacre.’ … when our picket showed up… [the owner] emerged from the restaurant’s front door with a small group of big, burly men… we always tried to record, in case we needed anything in court later… One of the big men smacked the camcorder out of his hand… Another pushed my uncle Tim… soon Tim was on the ground being kicked by two of the men… Soon it was a full-on melee, with the men in our group being pummeled by Berger’s thugs… Finally, the police and ambulances arrived; several of my uncles… went to the hospital.” (Pg. 74-75)
After the 9/11 attacks, “I pulled into the driveway at Gramps’s place… The tone was upbeat---elated, even… I couldn’t help thinking it felt disrespectful to be so jubilant about so many people getting killed. I knew none of the were ‘innocent’ in our book, but the images on the TV screens were scary and sad and I felt like I was pretending to be happy about it when I wasn’t… As far as Westboro was concerned, 9/11 was our biggest I-told-you-so moment yet---and Gramps intended to use it to its full potential.” (Pg. 102-103) She adds, “the following spring, we organized a picket of the New York firefighters… Among our signs for the occasion was FDNY SIN… THANK GOD FOR SEPTEMBER 11… which would make New Yorkers the angriest? That was what we wanted to go for.” (Pg. 103-104) She goes on, “The church’s fixation on Armageddon intensified after the 9/11 attacks… And when we were in church, we had to sprawl out on the floor… Even more disturbing was how the content of the prayers evolved. We actually started praying for people to die. This chilling development further chipped away at my faith…” (Pg. 105)
She recounts, “It was around this time that church members started saying Gramps was losing faith. Church members were told to not talk to Gramps. It was the beginning of his ouster from his own congregation. The family made sure to hide this internal conflict from a visitor who’d shown up to do a documentary on the church [by] British reporter Louis Theroux… called ‘The Most Hated Family in America.’ … Louis had more of an impact on me than I realized in the moment; he repeatedly asked me if I didn’t yearn to get out in the world and make decisions for myself, and those questions rolled around in my head long after he and the film crew were gone.” (Pg. 110-111)
When her doubts became known, “I felt I was being persecuted, the target of a never-ending stream of ridiculous accusations and unreasonable demands. More than anything I felt trapped. But I still couldn’t see myself walking away from the church, leaving my family. The unknown world outside was too dangerous… I feared for my soul.” (Pg. 146) But ultimately, “The day I moved out was simultaneously the most joyful and most traumatic day of my life. I knew I would never see my family again. But they forced me to make a choice between a life of servitude under the strict rule of the church---a life lived in fear, paranoia, hatred, and hostility---and a life that was unknown, uncertain, but one of my own making… But somehow, by some power, I had found a greater kind of faith. I was walking the tightrope between faith and freedom, with no end in sight. It was time to cut the wire.” (Pg. 157)
This book is probably the best “memoir” of someone leaving the WBC, and will be “must reading” for anyone wanting to know more about this “church.”
August 18, 2017
I've always been fascinated by the Westboro Baptist Church - any extreme religious movement, really - and while I read "Banished" by Lauren Drain, we really hadn't heard too much from members of the Phelps family themselves. The people who were born and bred to build the church.
But that's changed now with this great memoir by Libby Phelps Alvarez, granddaughter of Fred Phelps, a prominent figure in just about every documentary major protest by the WBC prior to her defection in 2009. She left after being bullied by her fellow church members who were "concerned" about an innocent picture of her and her sister wearing a bikini in a vacation photo. In the book, she shares her memories and analysis of events from before the WBC began its picketing routine up through its protests of major, national tragedies. It's really a fascinating book.
I think this novel is the best glimpse we have yet into the inner-workings of the church and it's members. Libby answers pretty much all the burning questions spectators have about the group: Do they really believe what they're saying? What was Fred Phelps like around the people who were closest to him?
The journal-like writing style is a great way to convey the story, which shows not only Libby's growth, but the radicalization of the church itself and the brewing storm that continues to this day within it.
There are also so many insights, I think, into other fundamentalist movements out there (I'm looking at you, Duggars!) Phelps describes in plain language how these extreme churches and movements keep control over their adherents. It's really a very good analysis.
I highly recommend this book to anyone who is interested in the WBC and it's inner-workings. It was very brace of Libby to write this book, and I applaud her for everything she's done to make amends for her years of picketing.
But that's changed now with this great memoir by Libby Phelps Alvarez, granddaughter of Fred Phelps, a prominent figure in just about every documentary major protest by the WBC prior to her defection in 2009. She left after being bullied by her fellow church members who were "concerned" about an innocent picture of her and her sister wearing a bikini in a vacation photo. In the book, she shares her memories and analysis of events from before the WBC began its picketing routine up through its protests of major, national tragedies. It's really a fascinating book.
I think this novel is the best glimpse we have yet into the inner-workings of the church and it's members. Libby answers pretty much all the burning questions spectators have about the group: Do they really believe what they're saying? What was Fred Phelps like around the people who were closest to him?
The journal-like writing style is a great way to convey the story, which shows not only Libby's growth, but the radicalization of the church itself and the brewing storm that continues to this day within it.
There are also so many insights, I think, into other fundamentalist movements out there (I'm looking at you, Duggars!) Phelps describes in plain language how these extreme churches and movements keep control over their adherents. It's really a very good analysis.
I highly recommend this book to anyone who is interested in the WBC and it's inner-workings. It was very brace of Libby to write this book, and I applaud her for everything she's done to make amends for her years of picketing.
March 10, 2020
Third book I have read on the topic of Westboro Baptist. I may not have enjoyed this one that much as it was the third one on the subject and a bit repetitive and starting to know the "players" very well. All books show the same treatment of those involved and very scary. Found Megan Phelps book to be the better of the three. The future of the church seems now to be in the hands of the outsider that came into the group Steve Drain who is very much in Lauren Drain's book "Banished". Would like to read one from one of the men that have left the church as it may show some differences in the way the boys were treated.
October 1, 2021
It must have been hard to grow up in a place with constantly shifting standards and expectations. The kids of Westboro, including this author, weren’t ever on solid footing. This kind of upbringing didn’t encourage compassion or real attachment. There was too much fear and paranoia about breaking one of the ever-changing rules. Even though she had a hard time adjusting to life in the real world, at least she did have an education and a career and some kind friends. I didn’t like some of her spiteful comments about some of the other girls of her set growing up, however.
May 15, 2022
Having grown up in a Southern Baptist church, this subject interested me. This book lacked the emotional intensity I would have expected and would have found "normal" for the situations described. I found it very difficult to identify with Libby or put myself in her shoes, which is what I expect a memoir to do. The book had a lot of repetition which felt like "filler material" rather than adding anything to the story. All of that said, the book held my attention throughout and I'm glad I read it.
September 10, 2017
The Westboro Church people certainly are an interestingly dreadful group of people. This easy to read, light biography provided some insight into how they think and what they believe.
December 13, 2018
Geez, this was a hard one.
Phelps does a great job of making you understand why and how her family is the way it is, and she does a great job embodying the problem of "regardless of how you see them and what they've done, they're still my family and I love them."
If anything, I took two major points away from this book:
1: Phelps and his clan were he OG trolls, and you should NEVER FEED THE GODDAMN TROLLS, PEOPLE. My God, Phelps's testimony here confirms that these people thrive off the fuss you make over them, SO STOP.
2: For the love of God, leave the kids out of it. They can't damn well help that they've been raised in that environment, and you coming at them in petty ways is only gonna push them deeper into the us-versus-them extremism. That a friggin'teacher was docking this girl's grades unfairly is insane to me- in what world do you think that will solve the problem?? Oh yeah, she'll REALLY see the error of her ways now that you're literally doing everything her grandfather said you would do to her for being "faithful". That is some petty bullshit right here and it's being directed at child who's basically been raised in a psychologically abusive environment. I do not cosign, shame on anyone who did it/does it, you are not helping.
It just riles me. You don't put this stuff on the kids. They don't have a choice- and by abusing them you're pushing them right into the arms of the people brainwashing them. This is not rocket-science.
Phelps does a great job of making you understand why and how her family is the way it is, and she does a great job embodying the problem of "regardless of how you see them and what they've done, they're still my family and I love them."
If anything, I took two major points away from this book:
1: Phelps and his clan were he OG trolls, and you should NEVER FEED THE GODDAMN TROLLS, PEOPLE. My God, Phelps's testimony here confirms that these people thrive off the fuss you make over them, SO STOP.
2: For the love of God, leave the kids out of it. They can't damn well help that they've been raised in that environment, and you coming at them in petty ways is only gonna push them deeper into the us-versus-them extremism. That a friggin'teacher was docking this girl's grades unfairly is insane to me- in what world do you think that will solve the problem?? Oh yeah, she'll REALLY see the error of her ways now that you're literally doing everything her grandfather said you would do to her for being "faithful". That is some petty bullshit right here and it's being directed at child who's basically been raised in a psychologically abusive environment. I do not cosign, shame on anyone who did it/does it, you are not helping.
It just riles me. You don't put this stuff on the kids. They don't have a choice- and by abusing them you're pushing them right into the arms of the people brainwashing them. This is not rocket-science.
July 8, 2022
I'm not sure how to rate this book. I was rooting for her, I really was, until the last fifth of the book where she talks about having stormed out of a Catholic Easter service because she has some serious PTSD about religion, and then starts ranting about the pedophilia scandal and how anybody who contributes to the Catholic Church monetarily is complicit in child abuse. And she never says she's sorry or in any way addresses that statement or that she's learned to be tolerant of other faiths or anything. She just leaves it there. Which is when I just started skimming the last several pages.
I'm glad she got out and all. Happy she's living her best life now or whatever and doesn't hate the queer community anymore. Apparently hating Catholics is still fine though. So I'm docking a full star for that.
And it wasn't that great of a book anyway. The author comes from a place of extreme privilege and talks about how scary it was to think about buying a house immediately upon leaving the church. Not finding a place to stay, BUYING A HOUSE. Because she's got a doctorate and a very well paying job, and a car, and.... okay, yeah, leaving the only world you've ever known in scary, as is leaving your family and friends and entire support system. AFTER THEY SENT YOU TO GRAD SCHOOL. So pardon me if I'm not playing my tiny violin for this one.
You know what? I've talked myself into it. I'm passing judgement. Two stars.
I'm glad she got out and all. Happy she's living her best life now or whatever and doesn't hate the queer community anymore. Apparently hating Catholics is still fine though. So I'm docking a full star for that.
And it wasn't that great of a book anyway. The author comes from a place of extreme privilege and talks about how scary it was to think about buying a house immediately upon leaving the church. Not finding a place to stay, BUYING A HOUSE. Because she's got a doctorate and a very well paying job, and a car, and.... okay, yeah, leaving the only world you've ever known in scary, as is leaving your family and friends and entire support system. AFTER THEY SENT YOU TO GRAD SCHOOL. So pardon me if I'm not playing my tiny violin for this one.
You know what? I've talked myself into it. I'm passing judgement. Two stars.
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May 22, 2022This is a journey of both peace and pain. When a child is reared, it knows only what its environment is. It trusts and deems it normal and fitting. But when that child comes to an age in which other influences are evident, it begins to see it's world in a different light. Enter parental influences and forces that come to bear. In the growing child, there is either acceptance or rebellion, thus separation. The latter happened to our author Libby. Her rebellion was not of the violent, argumentive kind, but it was firm and final. The story of her departure from what seemed once normal in her family and lifestyle tells how difficult removing oneself from a familiar place to enter one completely different, takes courage and much deep thought. Walking a "new" line of her own making, gives Libby's womanhood something more in keeping with her inate sense of justice and morality. But it also causes deep suffering. Her determination to leave her former indoctrinations, freed her to enter a kinder, more tolerant and loving world but the echoes of losing loved ones and feeling their disapproval makes it highly challenging. Walking beside her in this story, is a walk with someone who has become a better human being. She not only walks the walk but is also talking the talk in helping others who are suffering the same dilemma.
February 7, 2019
A horrifying, although refreshing, look into the life of one of the members of the Westboro Baptist Church, viewed by most as a church of pure hate. I found this first person account to be helpful in humanizing the people that make up this hate group. Although nothing excuses the kind of behavior they have displayed toward others, i think it is important to try to understand the people that make the group up. I think they are very sincere, albeit misguided, and really believe they are doing God's will. They even seem to believe that their expressions of God's hate for sinners and our fallen nation is what they must do to show "true" love for others. Warped? Yes. After reading this I almost feel sorry for them, as I think so many of the members are trapped in a sort of alternate reality.
It was heartening to see what Libby has become after leaving the group. She is now married and has two children and she is teaching them to love and accept everyone. She has even decided she has no problem with LGBT people, and loves them just as they are. Sadly, her experience has ruined any desire to be a part of organized religion, and I can hardly blame her.
It was heartening to see what Libby has become after leaving the group. She is now married and has two children and she is teaching them to love and accept everyone. She has even decided she has no problem with LGBT people, and loves them just as they are. Sadly, her experience has ruined any desire to be a part of organized religion, and I can hardly blame her.
February 3, 2022
First off, I want to say that I am glad Libby was able to escape Westboro and eventually get her story out. It's an informative viewpoint from someone who was raised inside the church and it's insanity. I know her story is important and having it out there is valid and I know it has power to help people who are stuck in these situations, especially her remaining family within the church itself who hasn't found their strength yet to start questioning or to leave.
With that said, I also feel that certain parts of this book were rushed. I am in no place to judge how someone tells their personal story, but it feels like a lot of her "coming to" moments were ignored or rushed through without a lot of thoughtful insight that could ultimately be really helpful. It also feels that she was still struggling with a lot of her viewpoints from the time she wrote this book.
I still think it's worth the time to read, especially if you're interested in learning more about the structure of the insane world of Westboro or just into cults in general.
With that said, I also feel that certain parts of this book were rushed. I am in no place to judge how someone tells their personal story, but it feels like a lot of her "coming to" moments were ignored or rushed through without a lot of thoughtful insight that could ultimately be really helpful. It also feels that she was still struggling with a lot of her viewpoints from the time she wrote this book.
I still think it's worth the time to read, especially if you're interested in learning more about the structure of the insane world of Westboro or just into cults in general.
April 24, 2018
Reading this for a journalistic comic for an anthology on American Cults. It's a first-hand account of growing up in the Westboro Baptist Church (you know, the ones who picket military funerals and hold inflammatory signs that say things like "God Hates Fags!"). The author details her relationship with the church's founder (her grandfather), Fred Phelps and with the rest of the congregation (who are primarily family by blood or marriage).
It's not the best written book (I'd give it closer to 3.5 stars were that an option), but it does a good job of showing how someone can be blinded to the damage they're doing through a combination of trust and fear. It also shows that although they are doing monstrous things, the WBC are not one-dimensional monsters. Libby's "journey" (ugh, I hate that term) ends in redemption after leaving the church and opening her heart to those she formerly believed were hellbound.
It's not the best written book (I'd give it closer to 3.5 stars were that an option), but it does a good job of showing how someone can be blinded to the damage they're doing through a combination of trust and fear. It also shows that although they are doing monstrous things, the WBC are not one-dimensional monsters. Libby's "journey" (ugh, I hate that term) ends in redemption after leaving the church and opening her heart to those she formerly believed were hellbound.
March 12, 2018
An interesting look into the workings and family experiences of the Westboro Baptist Church, written by one of the family members who left the church. It's a quick easy read, and particularly interesting if you've ever seen them picketing.
When I worked at the local newspaper, there was often a WBC "news release" waiting on the fax machine in the evenings, and they were so convoluted and ridiculous that you couldn't possibly take them seriously. After reading this book and seeing a quote from an email written by Shirley Phelps-Roper, I'm no longer surprised the releases looked like they did.
When I worked at the local newspaper, there was often a WBC "news release" waiting on the fax machine in the evenings, and they were so convoluted and ridiculous that you couldn't possibly take them seriously. After reading this book and seeing a quote from an email written by Shirley Phelps-Roper, I'm no longer surprised the releases looked like they did.
October 25, 2020
I felt a bit sorry for the Phelps family missing the true message of Jesus. Instead, they took scripture out of context and used it as a battering ram of hate, believing themselves as the only true followers of God. I especially felt sorry for the children, such as the author, that had to grow up in such a family, unknowingly being brainwashed with hate instead of love. I commend Libby and other members of the Phelps family who were strong enough to break away at the tremendous cost of losing contact with their loved ones. Imagine the good the family could have accomplished had their zeal in picketing been used for spreading Christ's true message of love, kindness, and grace.
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