On My Own

by Diane Rehm

In a deeply personal and moving book, the beloved NPR radio host speaks out about the long drawn-out death (from Parkinson’s) of her husband of fifty-four years, and of her struggle to reconstruct her life without him.

With John gone, Diane was indeed “on her own,” coping with the inevitable practical issues and, more important, with the profoundly emotional ones. What to do, how to react, reaching out again into the world—struggling to create a new reality for herself while clinging to memories of the past. Her focus is on her own roller-coaster experiences, but she has also solicited the moving stories of such recently widowed friends as Roger Mudd and Susan Stamberg, which work to expose the reader to a remarkable range of reactions to the death of a spouse.

John’s unnecessarily extended death—he begged to be helped to die—culminated in his taking matters into his own hands, simply refusing to take water, food, and medication. His heroic actions spurred Diane into becoming a kind of poster person for the “right to die” movement that is all too slowly taking shape in our country. With the brave determination that has characterized her whole life, she is finding a meaningful new way to contribute to the world.

Her book—as practical as it is inspiring—will be a help and a comfort to the recently bereaved, and a beacon of hope about the possibilities that remain to us as we deal with our own approaching mortality.

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction, Biography, Audiobook, Biography Memoir, Grief, Autobiography

176 pages, Hardcover

First published February 2, 2016

About the author

Diane Rehm hosted The Diane Rehm Show, distributed by NPR, from 1979 to 2016, when it had a listening audience of two-and-a-half million. She now hosts a podcast for WAMU-NPR, On My Mind. She lives in Washington, D.C.

Reviews

[Steven Yenzer · Rating 2 out of 5]

I really wanted to like this book, as I'm a huge fan of Diane Rehm and listen to her show every week. However, On My Own is so often repetitive and dull that I just didn't enjoy reading it. Rehm's honesty about her husband and their often difficult relationship is laudable, but hearing about his emotional abuse (not speaking to her for weeks at a time) made her frankly worshipful attitude toward him hard to swallow.

Although Rehm acknowledges she is probably idealizing her late husband, the sheer number of pages dedicated to talking about how incredibly amazing and wonderful he was began to wear on me early. In addition, much of the rest of the book is taken up by digressive and unnecessarily detailed anecdotes, as when Rehm recounts every element of a particular dinner.

I felt privileged to get a view into Rehm's emotional life and get her perspective on loss and grieving. However, the compelling parts of On My Own take up such a small proportion of the pages as to make it a frustrating and often dull read.

[Jaclyn Day · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’ve listened to Diane Rehm for a decade. Since I moved to the DC area, she's been a constant. Her voice guided me home on many a late night drive and kept me company during long work hours. And, despite hearing her almost daily for ten years, I’m embarrassed to admit how little I know about her personally except for some very broad strokes. On My Own, about her life before, during, and after her husband’s death from Parkinson’s, gave me insight into her elegant, intelligent, and emotional personality. She’s honest, incredibly so. She shies away from very little in the book, discussing budgeting for retirement in the face of walking away from the career she’s had for so long, and candidly relates the frustrations and emotional yearning she occasionally suffered from within her fifty-four-year marriage. The intimacy is palpable. It’s as close to a journal as a memoir can be. Her candor about the grieving process—coping with tragic loss, coping with the realities of aging—is phenomenally raw and beautifully told.

[Elizabeth Theiss Smith · Rating 4 out of 5]

Diane Rehm's latest book tells the story of her struggle to live after the death of her husband who fought a lengthy fight against Parkinson's disease. Rehm is the host of NPR's morning program, The Diane Rehm Show, and has continued an active professional life during her husband's years of decline, no mean feat. It's also a love story, told in retrospect. Rehm's marriage was a difficult one to a man who at times shut her out in a cold and even spiteful way. And yet, as so often happens, her love never died and the pangs continue long after his death.

In the end, Rehm's husband chose to refuse water and food in order to hasten his death. He had been in a nursing home, unable to care for himself. Her discussion of the right to die with medical assistance is an illuminating one. Why, she asks, should her husband have to die a long, thirsty death when medicine could provide him with a brief and painless one? Why should states refuse terminal patients the right to die with dignity? These are good questions and she makes compelling arguments in favor of permissive state laws.

Rehm's book evokes a raw, fresh grief that is honest and heartbreaking. What does it mean to lose a loved one and how does one cope? The usual advice does not seem to apply. When is it time to "get over it" or start getting out again? Grief comes in waves, relentlessly. Holidays are hard. Work is a kind of salve, a pause in the pain. Rehm is curious and recounts the stories of friends and acquaintances who have also dealt with grief.

I read this book in part because my husband has been fighting Parkinson's for 24 years now, and we have both talked about the inevitability of death. I recently retired my professorship in Political Science in order to care for him. Is this a better option than continuing a professional life while taking leave for the inevitable medical emergencies that are part of the late stages of the disease? I don't know the answer but I do know that life in a nursing home for my husband would be exceedingly short. In the end, I admire Ms. Rehm for her honesty, her fortitude, and her determination in the face of difficult circumstances.

[Ellen · Rating 4 out of 5]

It's a wonder that I was drawn to take this book home from my local library's "new books" section. It's true that I was looking for a nonfiction work and that I favor memoirs, but the cover photo of Diane Rhem should have caused me to pass it by: A shock of dazzling, perfectly coiffed white hair, atop the precisely made-up face of a patrician, a matriarch not only of her own family but perhaps also of her generation and culture. There sits Diane Rhem of NPR fame, wearing classic black and adorned with tasteful gold jewelry, even an exquisite pinky ring that draws my eyes to her glossy red nails. We couldn't possibly have enough in common to make it worth my while to read her story, right?! But that title! On My Own...The author writes with surprising honesty, clarity, and emotional depth of the death of her husband of 54 years from Parkinson's disease, his struggle to live and to die with dignity, as well as her struggle to integrate the highs and lows of their complex relationship and to grieve and move forward with purpose and passion, as her retirement from NPR looms. After a 40-year marriage, a difficult divorce, and forced early retirement, I too struggle to process pain and loss and to find meaningful renewal. Diane Rhem's brave sharing of her suffering, guilt, sadness, and anxiety resonates for me. Her quiet, candid reflection and determined positive attitude is genuinely inspiring to me. It turns out I would have gravely misjudged the author if I'd passed up her memoir based on hasty assumptions. She was not born a privileged patrician, nor does she intend to live out her remaining years as one. I am glad I read her book and look forward to reading Finding My Voice.

[Rebecca · Rating 3 out of 5]

I don't know how Rehm's memoir even made it to my doorstep, but once there I welcomed it in. I had no idea what to expect. I knew little of her personal life, having only heard her on her radio show.

I was intrigued by the fact she never attended college and chanced into her radio program. I find her insightful and well versed in politics and policy when listening to her program. I liked the idea that she made it there through a rather untraditional means.

The revelation that her marriage of over fifty years was fraught with tension and turmoil revealed a complexity to Rehm's story that I appreciated. She reflects on the role this may have played in her grieving the loss of her husband. As a person who has co-existed in a less than congenial relationship for over 20 years, I appreciated her honesty and willingness to reconcile the challenges of loss and love when it comes from a place that is far from the ideal.

She spends a great deal of time discussing her advocacy work with institutions pushing for greater end of life choice, in particular choices like dying with dignity. The harrowing 10 days her husband spent deteriorating, after asking for assistance to end his terminal and chronic suffering, gives insight into her passion.

For the most part I appreciated this memoir. However, there were many moments where I felt like Rehm's life was miles from my own. When she discussed concerns she held about continued financial security as she anticipated her retirement, my small school teacher budget winced with her concern. While she stated she felt her investments would let her live in comfort, but not luxury, I felt like she lived in a very elite and isolated world. I think her ideas of luxury and mine are very different.

While these reflections on finance were a very minuscule part of her story, they were off putting enough that I found myself challenged to trust her perception in other parts of her life. An odd bias, but it affected my relationship with the memoir all the same.

In the end, I liked hearing from a woman who moved from house wife to radio personality. I would recommend the book.

[K2 ----- · Rating 3 out of 5]

I read this book in one sitting, the highest compliment or perhaps a commentary on the book's length.

I have been an admirer of Ms Rehm's for many years and her outspoken support of DWD made me love her that much more.

She perfectly captures the way she has had to deal with the loss of her husband, first his vitality, then his life entirely after a struggle with Parkinson's. He chose to voluntarily stop eating and drinking after begging his personal physician to help him to die. It was not easy to watch this man, she had loved for over fifty years, in the last days of his life, but it has given her the resolve to fight to make death with dignity an option nationwide.

It was for me saddening to hear that she is giving up her microphone at the end of 2016 but she will be 80 years old and as much as I will miss her on the radio she deserves to be granted parole at that point!

This would be a great book to give a friend who has suffered a deep loss in that she is very candid about the pain her grief has brought and also the way memories of the bad times together fade.

I enjoyed this book, it's a fast read and quite well done overall.

[Jean Carlton · Rating 2 out of 5]

I know Diane only as a voice on NPR and I loved her show. She is a good interviewer and an intelligent woman.
I imagined her as very different from the photo on the book cover and from the person she reveals in this reflection on the themes of aging, loss, her husband's and best friend's passing, end of life issues. I found the writing repetitive and full of platitudes and queries about what "other widows" might feel or do. Good editing could have made it more powerful. The honesty about her difficult marriage was brave but juxtaposed with her overwhelming praise for her husband of 52 years was a bit hard to reconcile. Things like concern over finances with retirement at 80 strike an odd chord. Her husband was a top lawyer and she had a good gig. Hard to think she'll have to pinch pennies. She depicts herself as needy, often depressed, lacking in self-esteem, a worrier. It reminds me that people are more complex than what we see outwardly.

[Vikki · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really enjoyed reading this little gem by Diane Rehm. It was chalked full of good advice for retirement, marriage, and end of life decisions. Diane's husband lived with Parkinson disease for years. When he could no longer care for himself he decided the day his life would end. Diane Rehm fights for the right to decide.
I loved that Diane Rehm is still wearing high heels at 80 years old. Thank goodness she does not let anyone dictate to her about wearing apparel.
I loved this book and highly recommend it.

[Evelyn · Rating 3 out of 5]

Although this memoir about dealing with the terminal illness and decision of a partner to die, and the grief following his death is well-written, it is disappointing because it is so superficial. The author touches upon the subject of death with dignity, but appears constrained by the terms of her employment which she says in the book prevent her from actively participating in fundraising and advocacy efforts on the part of a nonprofit that she belongs to. The author also mentions other subjects such as her children, therapist, etc. but never goes into depth about her relationships with them, her family, or how they assisted her in dealing with the decisions to place her partner in an assisted living facility, her grief, etc. These are all subjects that a reader would like to learn more about since the reader may at some time have to deal with similar situations, and others experiences may provide guidance for the reader on how to handle a similar situation.

[Sue · Rating 4 out of 5]

I found this a very peaceful book to read. I thought Ms. Rehm approached the death of her husband and her life without him very realistically and without self-pity. The book is a tribute to him but she acknowledges that their life together was not always rosy. I read it quickly and my admiration for Diane Rehm grew as her book progressed. We all handle grief in different ways. I was especially touched by how she felt that for her there would be no closure on losing her husband. However, again, she did not wallow in self-pity but continued on with her life. I have listened to her radio show off and on for years and wondered about her unusual sounding voice. She doesn't dwell on that condition in this book. I am going to read her other book where she discusses that.

[Becky · Rating 2 out of 5]

I do enjoy Diane Rehm's radio podcasts on NPR, so I was looking forward to her most recent book, On My Own. Unfortunately, I was disappointed with the narrative. Ms. Rehm recounts the death of her husband from Parkinson's disease and how she has learned to cope with that grief. If you are looking for a book on this topic, I recommend instead Joan Didion's book titled The Year of Magical Thinking.

[Susanne Gulde · Rating 4 out of 5]

I received this book from Edelweiss as a digital review copy. This is a very honest, vulnerable book that looks at not only the death of Ms. Rehm's husband and the year following it, but her thoughts and concerns about her own health and life as she grows older. She is an excellent writer and I think there is a good balance of personal and professional information.

[Alane · Rating 2 out of 5]

Shame on the publisher. Clearly this was not ready to go to print. Rehm was still too close to the loss. She comes off as repetitive and dreadfully lacking in self-awareness when really she's just grieving. I felt like a voyeur to someone's confused pain. Someone who doesn't even realize how confused and wounded they are. She should have been given more time.

[Graeme Roberts · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have the greatest affection and respect for Diane Rehm. Her memories of her marriage, the decline and death of her husband, John Rehm, from Parkinson's Disease, and her grieving, are candid and brave. I learned a little more about life and about this remarkable woman, who has been such an inspiration to so many people.

[Angela · Rating 4 out of 5]

Grief, as seen through the surviving spouse in a marriage. It did me wonders to step away from my grief of losing my father, and try seeing it from another perspective. Very eye-opening, as I've been shut in with my own grief and feelings for the past year.

[Kari Yergin · Rating 3 out of 5]

Great interviewer, not as great an author. Pretty repetitive. I admire her forward looking perspective, though, and she does explore some good questions:

Does anyone ever really know another human being?

How is grieving different when you have a long illness in which to grow accustomed to the loss as opposed to a sudden loss?

Her honesty is admirable. She decided she's really not a caretaker and needed her career rather than caring for him but lives with much guilt as a result; a little too much explanation of their physical love; the emotional abuse she endured yet a sort of adoration for him which is hard to reconcile. She admits to remembering mostly the good times.

She spoke of the ceremony produced by the first year medical students to show gratitude to ppl who donated their bodies to GWUniversity medical school as well as to their loved ones. "Our donors were our first patients and that is true. Your loved one has given us and education both inside and outside the classroom whose value cannot be overstated. And this is an act of graciousness we will honor throughout our years." One student spoke of being humbled and inspired by the realization that the pain passes but the beauty remains. Another said she had gained reverence not only for life but for death.

There's a big difference between being allowed to die of your disease and having a doctor intentionally end your life. Atul Gawande, when asked about physician-assisted suicide, said "I'm not there yet."

Death is final but grief is ongoing. The extent to which we experience it may or may not depend on the depth of love or even the depth of regret we feel, but it is our own experience. No one else can define it for us. In fact, perhaps grieving at some level is the ongoing effort to continue to live with those we've lost.

[Maura · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this memoir on my bus ride to and from the Women's March in Washington this weekend. It is the first book I'm reading after Katherine Graham's much longer and more sweeping autobiography, and it was an interesting contrast. Her subject matter is specific: Rehm has some values that I don't share -- she is big on Christ and seems to have embraced a marriage that was pretty traditional -- but respect for and curiosity about others permeates the whole book. She does a beautiful job illuminating her daily experience of grief in the year after her husband's death. The book was more accessible to me than Year of Magical Thinking which I read this time two years ago. I also really appreciated her honesty about having an overall difficult marriage -- having days, weeks, even years of emotional distance from her husband but real intimacy and respect over 54 years on the other hand. It's refreshing and rare to hear about those existing simultaneously in a marriage. While reading it I was really inspired to reflect intentionally on all those tiny mannerisms and habits that my loved ones have and that drive me crazy.

[Danielle · Rating 3 out of 5]

Diane Rehm shares the story of putting her life back together after the death of her husband of 54 years after a long drawn out decline from Parkinson's. He eventually chose to end his life by refusing to eat and starving to death. Due to this experience Rehm has become a strong advocate of the right to die and she speaks about that in the book as well.

The book kind of hops all over the place taking you through their often tumultuous relationship, to certain points in his illness, and then to periods after his death.

Rehm actually references Joan Didion's "Year of Magical Thinking", which is written on the same sort of topic. I preferred that book over this one. I felt like Rehm would start to say things and then sort of back away from them. She alludes often to the rough relationship she and her husband had, but then never really gets into it all and then makes it seem like they had a much better marriage than what she indicates that they did.

[Nancy · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is brutally honest. With her husband's death from Parkinson's Disease...and his desire to end life on what little terms he had left...she has become an advocate of the Right to Die movement. Her spouse, John, chose to have food, water and medication withheld at a point because his restrictions due to the disease and the physical pain were more than he wanted to continue to bear. It is also a look at evaluating a marriage after many years and planning to be a widow or widower. Well worth the time to read it...but be aware of what you're getting into, especially if you are in the grieving process.

[Valerity (Val) · Rating 4 out of 5]

Diane Rehm touchingly recounts the loss of her husband of fifty-four years after an extended ordeal with Parkinson's, when he took his own life by refusing to eat. An NPR radio host of some renown, she shares how she worked to put her life back together, adjusting to being alone, fears about her own health, and gives useful advice. Her painful journey inspired her to advocate for the right-to-die movement.

Book supplied by Goodreads' giveaways and Knopf books.

[John Mchugh · Rating 3 out of 5]

My actual Rating, not an option above, would be 3.675.

Obviously a very difficult subject, the death of a spouse, and I most surely admire the courage and conviction required to take this story into the public arena. It's a quick, compelling read. And there are lessons from which most of us can benefit. A bit repetitious here and there, but fundamentally a cautionary tale that caused me to think about things most of us prefer to set aside. Glad I read it.

[Sue · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'm a big fan of Diane Rehm from NPR and was excited to read her most recent book. It is a thoughtful and honest review of the first year after the death of her husband who was dying of Parkinson's Disease. Not always an easy read but made me think of how I would miss my husband and deal with being on my own day after day and what I would miss from our relationship.

[Michelle · Rating 4 out of 5]

In true Diane Rehm style, she portrays her grief, marriage and life honestly. I will miss this voice on the radio. And I disagree that we don't need more younger voices - we need more diverse voices and thinkers on the radio.

[Betsy · Rating 3 out of 5]

An honest and open account of the death of Diane's husband John and how she has lived through the aftermath.

[Paula Dembeck · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a very thoughtful memoir by Diane Rehm, the celebrated and very popular NPR host of the Diane Rehm Show. In this volume composed of short chapters that look like entries in a journal or notes to a reader, Rehm reviews her life as she approaches retirement at the age of seventy-nine and the new role she has taken on recently as a widow.

Diane and John Rehm a United Sates department attorney were married for fifty-four years. John was diagnosed with Parkinson's disease when he was seventy-five and his health deteriorated gradually over the years until his death in 2014. he lived his last years knowing he would never beat this chronic debilitating condition and that what awaited him was prolonged misery, further decline and loss of dignity. When he reached the point where he could no longer care for himself, he sought help from his physician to end his life, but his request was refused. In John’s home state of Maryland, physicians are not permitted to help their patients die, despite their expressed wish to do so. The only option John had was to starve himself and so he did, refusing food, water and all his medications except for morphine to control his pain. This difficult and painful process was drawn out over ten days until John finally passed away at the age of eighty-three, a man who had fought hard to die. Diane supported him in his decision, fulfilling a vow they had made to one another several years before, promising each to support the other’s wishes “in the face of debilitating and unalterable conditions”. It was a difficult time for them both as Diane sat by his bedside watching, waiting, and witnessing his excruciating and difficult death.

In most parts of the United States it is illegal for medical personnel to assist anyone intent on ending their life. The only option for those ill with a painful and medically hopeless state is to do what John Rehm did: starve himself. John’s doctor did the best he could to keep John comfortable, but Diane still rages against a system that would not help him take the necessary steps to end his life.

Diane reflects on John’s last difficult days, their long marriage and the process of coming to grips with his death. When she thinks back on that process, her most overriding feeling was guilt. She describes what finally pushed her to move her husband to an assisted living facility when she could no longer care for him at home, a decision her children agreed with and supported. She still feels an underlying sense of shame that she was not ready to give up her career to care for him at home. She clearly admits to not being “the care-giving type” and says their small apartment could never have been renovated to include the needs of 24 hour caregivers. But nevertheless, she still feels selfish.

When John did move from their small residence to a medical facility, Diane felt a combination of both relief and apprehension. She was relieved that he was now in a place that had the experienced personnel and the specialized equipment required for his care. But she was also gripped by a gnawing sense of apprehension of what it would be like to live alone after more than fifty years of marriage. She would be without her husband’s support during her own medical struggles with spasmodic dysphoria, the neurological disease that affects the sound of her voice. And if she herself became ill there would be no one to help her. She realized how alone she would be and how she had to provide for her future.

As she journeys through her first year of widowhood, she finds it difficult not to have someone to share her daily life with, to talk about the simple everyday things that make up her life. As she tries to better understand grief she realizes that a large part of it is anger, a grudging resentment at being abandoned and left alone. It is a feeling shared by many others left behind when a closed loved one dies. She also describes how grief sometimes comes on like a huge wave that overcomes her at the most unexpected moments. When this happens during her radio program, she has difficulty concentrating and experiences an aching need to be alone. Even as her grief spills out over the months she has periods when she is not interested in the company of others, not even that of her close friends. She just wants to be by herself. She senses her grief will never go away, that its nature may change but it will always be a part of her. She accepts that and says that is the way she wishes it to be.

Rehm shares the grief experience of some of her close friends who have also lost their partners. She questions whether it is easier to lose a loved one suddenly or whether being prepared for death by a long dying process eases the hurt and pain. She concludes one is no easier than the other.

As she reflects on her long marriage, one cannot help but be struck by her honesty. Like all marriages there were good times and bad. Diane was often forced to assume a passive role in their partnership as John liked to dominate her. There were years of hostility as well as times of joy. But interestingly, as John’s life was drawing to its close, he expressed regret for the emotional hardships they’d endured during their marriage, unable to explain why he had chosen to speak out at this particular time. Diane feels they grew closer and their relationship changed to a mutually more supportive one during this time and believes they were together more in sickness than they ever were in health.

After taking on the role of becoming a widow, Diane now faces another big change in her life. At the writing of this book, she had already decided to retire after the 2016 presidential election, leaving a celebrated radio career that has lasted more than thirty-five years. She wonders aloud who she will become in this new phase of her life. She knows that steady activity is a way to help herself heal and that if she steps away from it she will easily become overwhelmed by her grief.

Diane has always been an outgoing person but John’s death has created a greater need for her to have quiet time away from friends, activities and involvement. She increasingly seeks solitude, something she would never have imagined herself doing. She chooses her activities carefully and tries to have a good balance between quiet times, activities with friends and the times she spends alone so she can get through her periods of loneliness.

Diane admits to her sense of neediness and has always taken pleasure in her celebrity, enjoying the feeling of being appreciated. She wonders what life will be like without that celebrity, the compliments and the special courtesies and comforts that come with it. She knows she will miss them, even though she makes light of them and tells herself they are not important. And she knows that leaving her job means she will lose that sense of connectedness to the world. But she is also slowing down and tires more easily and although she finds it hard to admit, she knows it is time to retire. She is not really fearful. She knows how to take care of herself and is confident she will find a way to be useful in the years ahead, remaining a fully engaged human being. Her experience with her husband’s death has made her passionate about helping the cause of medically assisted dying and she has since becomes actively involved in “Compassion and Choices”, an organization that advocates for the right to die with medical assistance.

This is a poignant, well written and moving story of a woman coming to terms with profound loss. It raises important questions about an individual’s right to die with dignity and is both a very compelling and informative read.

[Carolyn Kaufman · Rating 4 out of 5]

A beautiful story detailing Diane’s long and fascinating life, focusing mostly on the years spent with her husband John and her supporting his decision to end his life near the end of a painful and traumatizing battle with Parkinson’s disease. It unravels as a love story that doesn’t leave out any of the ups and downs that their long marriage survived. She admits to the difficulties she encountered in changing life roles from stay at home mom to working wife to caregiver. What I loved was her brutal honesty about her husband’s deteriorating health and the effects on his own mental stability, her guilt and struggles in supporting him, and later his decision to bring his life and suffering to an end on his own terms. An important firsthand account of why the controversial “death with dignity” laws are so vital and a necessary read for anyone who is struggling with grief or guilt over losing a loved one.

“Each and every one of us should have the right to choose. The idea of suffering as being noble does not persuade me that extending life for the sake of someone else’s religious beliefs or social philosophy is fair or even reasonable.”
- Diane Rehm

[Lisa Brewer · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'm a fan.
Listened to Diane Rehm for years, and was blessed to meet her at WAMU during the broadcast of one of her shows. She is COOL. Enjoyed her books, Finding my Voice and Toward Commitment.
She wrote this following the death of her first husband. It reads like an intimate, organized, moving and revealing journal.
But to be honest, Diane Rehm could copy the phone book and I would read it. Although we disagree on many topics, she is a strong and vulnerable and admirable woman and I just like her.
Happily, several years after the publication of this 2016 book, in spite of saying she would not do so, she has remarried! I wish her every health and happiness.
PS - I purchased this hardcover, autographed copy at Ram's Rack in Boone for $1.00. Happy to shelve it with my collection of autographed books.

[Susan C Lance · Rating 3 out of 5]

Two thoughts after finishing: 1) This book needs to be marketed differently. I was asked to read it as a “Right-To-Die” book. It did discuss Diane Rehm’s opinion on this issue based on the death of her husband from Parkinson’s Disease. However, it really is more of a memoir of Diane’s first year without her husband. I feel if this were emphasized on the inside cover of the book jacket, more potential readers would pick up this book and be encouraged by Diane’s words.
2) While I was encouraged by the book, I also felt that the book was disjointed. I believe this was because Diane herself was disjointed that first year. One definition I ran across for “disjointed” was “being thrown out of orderly function” and “not connected.” Clearly Diane is a very orderly person and this disruption is evident. She was no longer joined to her husband and it was a year of finding herself.

[Lorie Kleiner Eckert · Rating 3 out of 5]

In June of 2014 Diane Rehm's husband of 54 years decided to end his life. John Rehm made this decision because he had Parkinson's disease and he could no longer stand, walk, eat, bathe, or care for himself on his own. He expected to be "put to sleep" with some sort of medication but this was not possible and so he had to refuse medication, food, and water to effect his goal. I had heard the bare bones of his story when he died in 2014 and hoped to hear about his journey more in this book. As I read the book and learned about the emotional abuse he inflicted on his wife through the years when he would refuse to speak to her for periods of time, I also wanted to hear more about that topic. However, neither of these topics was Diane Rehm's goal in writing. Instead, she wanted to tell us about her life now that she is on her own, making this a tale of love, loss, and moving on. Frankly, there are better books available about moving on after such a loss and I would have preferred to hear more about the other topics I mentioned. Still, I am pleased to know that Diane Rehm plans to work for the "death with dignity" cause in her upcoming retirement.

[Mary · Rating 3 out of 5]

How can one say anything negative about such a heartfelt memoir of loss? I really appreciate Diane Rehm's show on NPR and I appreciate the fact that she is continuing to work at age 79. She says that everyone mourns in his or her own way and if death comes quickly or slowly as it did in her husband's case , that too makes a difference.

That said, I found this book repetitive and in need of more editing. I understand the ambivalence about being honest about problems in marriage and compatibility but these were juxtaposed with great praise. That's the genre of funeral orations and memoirs like this.

I really liked The Year of Magical Thinking by Didion. I couldn't get through Oate's account of her loss. This one falls in the middle of those two.

I write in journals and a blog to process my thoughts but they are not published. So I do understand thinking through a life event by writing about it.