Just Checking: Scenes From the Life of an Obsessive-Compulsive

by Emily Colas

We all worry. We all have moments of unfounded dread (Is someone behind that door?), or little phobias (roaches) or superstitions (step on a crack) that we indulge. Just Checking is an autobiographical account of what it is like to live with a full-blown case of obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), which, at its height, finds author Emily Colas nervous that she will contract a disease from blood that she sees on television. In the course of the book, what at first appear to her husband and friends to be Colas's idiosyncratic notions accumulate until she is frozen by the astounding psychological binds of OCD. Using precise (of course), connect-the-dots scenes, Colas draws a life that is at first highly monitored and ultimately unraveled by her disorder.

One imagines that from afar, Colas's behavior at the height of her illness would look incomprehensible and just plain weird: She has to check the dishwasher multiple times before using it to make sure the cat is safe; the packaging of every new toothbrush has to meet rigorous sanitary standards; the landlord can't attempt to find new tenants for her apartment — she won't let them in the house. But readers are not at a distance here. Instead, we become privy to Colas's somewhat apologetic but firm explanations of what her logic was, and what it felt like to be afraid. She is so honest and witty that one can't help liking her, rooting for her, and wishing help would come.

In a typical vignette, when the family tries to go to the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade ("definitely a mistake"), Colas is terrified that shewillstep on blood:

When I was a kid in New York, all we had to eat on the street were pretzels and hot dogs. Food that was readily identifiable. Now, vendors sell the fanciest things with cherries, berries, jelly, and other crap that's way too close to the color of blood. We finally made it to where we had to go, but not before I had inspected the bottom of my shoes. There was a mushy red object there. Maybe a cherry, possibly a finger. The kids watched the parade on TV and I had a nice new worry. My kids don't even remember that lovely November day, but, lucky for me, I do.

This event is sad and resonant, but it also manages to be viscerally entertaining. The result is that instead of inspiring schadenfreude, this book reminds us that psychological disorders are often exaggerations of the ordinary and familiar. We all, on a continuum, wish to survive, to avoid disease, to impose order on our lives. We sympathize with Colas's desperate attempts to find safety and with her seemingly loving husband's gradual loss of tolerance. Even the not-so-funny poems that are occasionally interspersed among the perfectly crafted chapterettes find their place. Strange as it may be to find charm in a memoir of illness, Colas is utterly winning.

Hilary Liftin is a writer living in New York City. Her first book, coauthored with Kate Montgomery, is scheduled for publication by Vintage next year. She is the editorial development manager at BookWire (www.bookwire.com).

Genres: Nonfiction, Memoir, Psychology, Mental Health, Mental Illness, Biography Memoir, Biography

165 pages, Paperback

First published June 1, 1999

Reviews

[Eliza]

I'm not going to rate this, 'cause I only read 3/4th's of it for my Abnormal Psychology class. But! I really enjoyed it. I might actually finish the chapters I didn't get to read. Maybe... Who knows?

[♥ Sandi ❣ · Rating 3 out of 5]

The book title says it all "scenes from the life of an obsessive compulsive".
This is vignettes on the life of Emily Colas, OCD sufferer. It is high-lights taken from her life of dating, college, marriage, children, therapy, divorce and employment. It hits on food, sanitation, travel, medication and conversation problems.
Although not a funny psychiatric affliction, Emily uses humor to tell her story.

[Ashley · Rating 1 out of 5]

I really wanted to like this book - a personal look at OCD that was touted as a funny yet personal glimpse into one woman's daily rituals and compulsions. David Sedaris even gave the book a great review - how could I not like it? However, I found Colas hard to relate to and struggled with her choices - though I know her OCD kept her from making rational, reasonable decisions.

I hope she's found a treatment that works for her.

[Stephanie · Rating 1 out of 5]

I picked up this book at a Goodwill, so I didn't spend much money on it. I am so glad! It is described as "laugh-out-loud hilarious". It also seemed interesting. OCD has always fascinated me, and I've been hooked on memoirs where people overcome obstacles in their lives. I wanted to like this book. There were a few things that kept me from enjoying it.

*Possible Spoilers*

I enjoyed the first quarter of the book. After that, it felt to me that Colas had a lot of people in her life that enabled her. Her husband seemed like a nice guy, but he was also an enabler. He wanted her to seek help, while also indulging her whims. Like eating bites of her food first to ensure it wasn't poisoned, taking 20 bags of garbage out one bag at a time, asking waiters about their cuts to make sure that they were not getting blood in their food, etc. At the same time though, he can be very harsh. His response to Colas' questions about getting rabies while pregnant and not being able to get the vaccine in time, "I guess you'll die." And that's just her husband. She also has neighbors at the end of the book who come and eat her food for her because she thinks it might be poisoned and she wants someone else to eat it first.

And that brings me to another problem. Colas worries so much that things will harm her, yet doesn't care if they harm others. The food tasting is one thing. It isn't ok if she gets poisoned, but it's ok if her husband or neighbors do. She didn't like the garbage bin at her apartment so she hoarded their garbage, and when it got to be too much she would have her husband take it out. He would do this one bag at a time while she watched from a window to make sure he did it right. When he came back he would wash his hands, get another bag, repeat. If he happened to get something on him while doing this, Colas would make him go back and search through the garbage to find out what it was that he got on himself. She would then make him throw his clothes away and shower immediately. The things she would ask of others just got so selfish. I couldn't believe it. She even gets to a point in the book where she begins collecting her kids toys to throw away because she doesn't like the glitter. It's only her husband who gets her to stop.

I got the feeling when reading the book that Colas did these things because she could. Because there were always people around her who would enable her whims. She also doesn't have to worry about having a job, so she gets to stay at her house all day further cementing her OCD. She talks often in the book about how medication would help. When she finally does take medication she gets better, surprise! But it takes her husband leaving her, and hitting rock bottom for her to realize this.

And that's another thing. Colas and her husband separate, and then get back together for a little bit. During this time period when they might sort of be getting back together, she cheats on him! With a guy she knew in high school, and who appears and disappears just as quickly. It seems like he was just another way for her to put herself first, just like all the many whims she has throughout the book.

Finally, the way the book is written is frustrating. I like the her writing style, but the segments jump around so much that I found it hard to really know what exactly it was that Colas was trying to say when writing this book. I think the book could have been better organized.

I'm not saying I don't think she had OCD. She definitely struggled. But so many of her struggles didn't just hamper her quality of life, but also her husband's and her children's, her family's and friend's. She seems like a smart woman, and she knew she needed help. She knew she would get better if she got help, yet she didn't until her marriage fell apart.

[Kressel Housman · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is the second OCD memoir I’ve read of late, and while it takes a more comic tone than the previous one, the writer turned out to be much less likable. She has contamination fears, which is relevant to my situation, so there were sections I could read aloud to the OCD sufferer in my life to ask, “Is this what it feels like?” I made sure to read the conclusion aloud also. But as much as this is a book about OCD, it’s also a book about a challenging marriage. The author’s husband was an absolute saint for putting up with her. She says as much herself, and one of the book’s two clever poems is about him. (The poems are the best part of the book.)

In the end, though, her behavior was unforgivable. I lost almost all my sympathy for her, and I think most readers would have the same reaction. Still, it’s a short book and a quick read, so if you’re on the same quest I am, reading this book is worth the investment of your time. But remember: don’t expect anybody else’s bout with OCD to provide even a fraction of the answers of how to emerge from it. The best you can hope for is greater understanding.

[Lisa · Rating 2 out of 5]

I judge this kind of book against one standard: Is YOUR crazy crazier than MY crazy? And by that I mean me personally, my friends and family, and so on. In this case, kinda sorta, but really, in the end, not really. She starts out strong, when it's easy to see how numerous compulsions are negatively affecting her life. However, once again we end up with a woman safely in the arms of an enabling, loving husband (for awhile, anyway). To put it bluntly, this coddled housewife has free reign to indulge her mania with no fear of ever having to fend for herself. Money can buffer so many things.

Plus, with all her germ phobias, she still manages to have two children. She never bottoms out, never requires hospitalization, never becomes a danger to herself or others. The zenith of her afflication is that, well, she's annoying. And has the gall to compare herself to a heroin addict.

Just another chick (like "Girl, Interrupted") briefly flirting with so-called mental illness, and ends up a best-selling author.

Well, good for them.

And by Them, I mean those giant irradiated ants.

[Amy · Rating 5 out of 5]

My best friend has OCD. The real OCD, not the stupid little quirks and things we all have that people call OCD. This is one of her favorite books, and she gave it to me to read so that I would have a better understanding of what it is like to have this particular disorder, that very much disrupts and interferes with everyday life. It's an honest and rather funny memior, and I really loved it. I've learned a lot about obsessive compulsive disorder from my friend, and because of that, I get pretty skeptical when someone says they have it. The biggest pet peeve of my best friend is when people say "I'm so OCD about..." It's actually become something that bothers me. I correct people a lot, and tell them that just because they have A compulsion, or something they think is AN obsession, that does not mean they have obsessive compulsive disorder. It's not a quirk, it's an actual illness.

[Katie · Rating 1 out of 5]

One of the most irritating memoirs I've ever read. Little more than a stand-up comedy routine, Colas mistakes sarcasm for substance and describes her struggles with obsessive compulsive disorder in a generally unenlightening and unsympathetic way. While there are moments of real wit and occasional flashes of insight, as a whole the book falls flat, and Colas comes across as self-absorbed and, I hate to say it, unlikeable.

[Kayla · Rating 2 out of 5]

I enjoy reading memoirs but this one was poorly written and too breezy for my taste. Although the author has a sense of humor, she did not seem to have much compassion.

[Trina]

I read Just Checking to gain a better understanding of OCD so I can show more empathy to those who suffer from OCD. Although it was funny and snarky at times, I also found it sad and a bit disturbing. However, I think that it was brave for author Emily Colas to publish such an honest portrayal of what it is like to live with OCD.

[Marshaferz · Rating 3 out of 5]

An interesting book. It was hard to really feel invested because of the vignette structure, but the descriptions of how it felt to be compelled were thought provoking. I felt like it only scratched the surface, though - the book felt kind of surface level. But it was an interesting read.

[Reem · Rating 3 out of 5]

Just Checking by Emily Colas is a great book about a mother and wife living with OCD and how much it affects her life. There were things that I liked that the author did and things that I wasn’t exactly in favor with. To start off with the positives, I really loved the details of her life and how she has trust issues because of her husband and how she found out about her OCD. Another thing I really loved was the writing style because it has heading and a small paragraph about a scene of her life that really shaped her. Something that I really didn’t like is that it’s just different scenarios of her life, but there was no plot or a big event in her life so I found it hard to read. Usually when I pick up a book, I will read it in one or two sittings, but I read ten pages at a time. I would recommend this book if you are into little stories rather than a big plot.

[Kassandra · Rating 2 out of 5]

I am really interested in this topic but I found the format didn't draw me in. She told this with a great deal of humour through short quips but I was really looking to get more into the meat of how this progressed for her and how she copes with it. The book is definitely lacking in that for me.

[Kate · Rating 3 out of 5]

I just love OCD memoirs. This is a hysterical read, plus very candid about the ways the author's disorder ruined parts of her life (like her marriage).

[Esther Servin · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book made me angry haha

[Anita · Rating 5 out of 5]

A funny, entertaining, and sad memoir about living with OCD. Excellent and fun.

[Maggie McCloskey · Rating 1 out of 5]

Homophobia incoming!

[Chloe · Rating 2 out of 5]

I'll start by saying this isn't a book I would've chosen to read. I picked this book from a list of options for a grad school book report presentation. It stood out to me because OCD is not something I know about and I was curious to learn more from the perspective of someone suffering from it.

This was a short book and an easy read. It had humorous moments, shocking moments, annoying moments, sad moments, and completely unbelievable moments. I understand this memoir would not be every person's experience living with OCD, but it was an easy and interesting place for me to start.

I liked the vignette writing style that showed memorable snapshots of Colas' life. I think that read a lot better than a memoir writing style would have and really highlighted how OCD affected her daily living vs telling her whole life story.

OCD is not what a lot of people think, the term gets thrown around incorrectly in every day slang which I think demeans and downplays what can be a crippling lifelong disorder. For those interested in the realities of living with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder I would say give this book a shot.

[Carolyn · Rating 2 out of 5]

I chose to read this memoir for a paper I am writing for my college Abnormal Psychology class. Being a young woman with obsessive compulsive disorder, I was really eager to read this book and scope out some similarities and coping mechanizes she dealt with. I read cover to cover in about 8 hours. I was very letdown because I did not get what I was looking for in her story. I was able to write the paper but I was looking to gain more from it. I found myself skimming and drifting off because I did not feel like a lot of the stories were relevant to her disorder. I enjoyed the vignette style of writing but I wish there was more of a focus on her thoughts and compulsions. Of course everyone's disorder is different and intrusive in its own way. I guess I just wanted her story to be as dramatic and annoying as mine. Whoops. Either way, props to her for having the balls to share her story and embarrassing family moments with the world.

[Natasha | natashainyourphone]

Super interesting and sometimes stressful read!

I've read other books with a similar structure - jumping timeline and short (couple paragraph) scenes, so I was okay with that. The book is split into 4 parts. The first 2 parts were funny, interesting, and stressful. The third part didn't have the same humor, but was still interesting. Part 4 really threw me off and changed the entire reading experience for me.

I feel like I can't rate nonfiction books because it's someone else's lived experience. Who am I to say someone's life was only 3 stars? Anyway, I won't rate this. I loved the perspective and learning about someone else's experience. This gives a darker, maybe more realistic, view of OCD - it's real and it's not cutesy stuff like keeping pages straight or double checking that your door is locked. I'd recommend this to people.

Trigger warnings: obviously OCD, cutting, infidelity, divorce, separation

[Penny · Rating 2 out of 5]

Two stars is what I give any book that I finish that I have read completely (no skipping great chunks etc) which I could do because it was short. The subject matter was interesting enough; the manifestations of the author’s obsessive compulsive disorder and how she coped, or most of the time didn’t cope with it. She was obsessive about many things, but particularly blood. Not its appearance but all the pathogens it might be harbouring. It was not written in a linear fashion although it did have a forward moving arc, but kept switching back and forth. Why it took her husband so long to leave her I really don’t know. Because it was just a series of vignettes, many of which were really short, it was extremely disjointed. It was also written in a breezy throwaway style that made here illness seem more annoying (to me the reader) than fostering my compassion. I was glad to finish it.

[Casey · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was such a nice change of pace for me. I absolutely loved the vignette style because it made it easy to pick up, read a couple, and then put it down. Though, I found it hard to put down! I so appreciated Colas' humorous tone as she shared stories of her past and present struggle with OCD.

I think OCD is one of the most misused terms and people tend to self-diagnose without any real insight into how living with the disorder actually feels. This book offers an honest, raw glance into what life with OCD looks like for both the person and their loved ones. It feels like an important read.

It's a short read that I would recommend to anyone, especially those who work/exist in the mental health field!

[Karen · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was disappointing. It's written as a series of "scenes" so not only does it feel disjointed at first but very surface-level. She just describes all her obsessive behaviors and anxieties without telling us her feelings (like, is she tired of counting the number of words in people's sentences? Does she wish she could eat in restaurants?) or really anything else about herself (like what would make her someone that another person wanted to marry). It feels like the story isn't fleshed out. Plus no one has names, which makes them feel even less like full people and leads to her gratingly and insultingly referring to her friend as "my friend the heroin addict."

[Maren Kate · Rating 3 out of 5]

⭐️⭐️⭐️.5 star book

Rose: really interesting insight into someone with OCD’s life! Reading this book felt like I was living in Emily’s head (which is not really a fun place but that’s the main purpose of the book)

Thorn: this book was marketed to me as a laugh-out-loud, hilarious book and my experience was the complete opposite. I really struggled to sympathize with the narrator and while I know that’s because of the impulses brought on by her OCD, it still made the book a difficult read. Also, I did enjoy the vignette writing style, the excerpts are all over the place timeline-wise which makes the story itself hard to follow.

I hope she ended up finding a treatment the worked for her :(

[Noah · Rating 3 out of 5]

I really wanted to like this book, and at some moments I did. I think this book gives a great insight on what’s it’s like to live with OCD and the struggle a partner goes through when being with someone who has OCD. My issue with this book is that so many parts of it were boring and just dragged on and on. Some details felt really unnecessary. The mental illness side of the book was wonderful and captured what it’s like to live with a disorder that deeply affects every aspect of your life. The writing style just wasn’t for me.

[Gina · Rating 2 out of 5]

2.5 stars.

Interesting, but just not for me. I read it all, though, and the "...no matter what spin you choose, you just don't know. You can't know. So go out, have a good time, make the most of your life" is a satisfactory end to the final vignette and the whole book.

This book was published in 1998 and has been in the library system and at the Westbury Memorial Public Library since August 3, 1998...so I wonder if Colas has written other nonfiction works. I will look that up after posting this.

[L. · Rating 4 out of 5]

sometimes memoirs are hard because I want a HEA and they just... thats not how life works, huh?

sometimes memoirs are hard because I find the author unsympathetic and am tempted to take off stars because I dislike them, but thats not how life works. this isn't fiction. it's compelling and well written.

I dont find this book comedic. maybe because I also have an anxiety disorder? mine looks nothing like hers, but I relate to her thought patterns, though my experience is not nearly so severe, so maybe thats why I didnt laugh. it is still very interesting, but I mostly find it very sad.

[Bess · Rating 3 out of 5]

Generally I love books on OCD because I find a commonality and warmth in knowing that I am not alone. I really wanted to like this book by Emily Colas because I have read some of her tweets and find her generally entertaining. Maybe it was just an off day, but I couldn't find myself connecting to the story. The book ended up in the free library offered by one of my neighbors. Hopefully it will be of interest to someone else.

[Erin Grasse · Rating 4 out of 5]

As someone who was recently diagnosed with OCD, Colas’s story is such a gift. It’s not often that I find another person whose brain works the same way that mine does, so to be able to identify with both her struggles and victories is incredibly special.

If you’d like to understand more about OCD in order to better support a loved one, or you yourself need to be reminded that you’re not alone, I highly recommend that you check out this book.

[Elizabeth Croston · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book was a bunch of short stories/excerpts that sort of went in a linear fashion to tell this woman's story. Boy am I glad I am not permanently in her head. It is an interesting read by showing that OCD is more than just counting things and not liking germs. However, it was a bit too much and now I have all these obsessive ideas in my head I didn't need there. If you do have OCD tendencies yourself, you may want to steer clear of this book.