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Their Promised Land: My Grandparents in Love and War

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A family history of surpassing beauty and Ian Buruma’s account of his grandparents’ enduring love through the terror and separation of two world wars
During the almost six years England was at war with Nazi Germany, Winifred and Bernard Schlesinger, Ian Buruma’s grandparents, and the film director John Schlesinger's parents, were, like so many others, thoroughly sundered from each other. Their only recourse was to write letters back and forth. And write they did, often every day. In a way they were just picking up where they left off in 1918, at the end of their first long separation because of the Great War that swept Bernard away to some of Europe’s bloodiest battlefields. The thousands of letters between them were part of an inheritance that ultimately came into the hands of their grandson, Ian Buruma. Now, in a labor of love that is also a powerful act of artistic creation, Ian Buruma has woven his own voice in with theirs to provide the context and counterpoint necessary to bring to life, not just a remarkable marriage, but a class, and an age.
 
Winifred and Bernard inherited the high European cultural ideals and attitudes that came of being born into prosperous German-Jewish émigré families. To young Ian, who would visit from Holland every Christmas, they seemed the very essence of England, their spacious Berkshire estate the model of genteel English country life at its most pleasant and refined. It wasn’t until years later that he discovered how much more there was to the story.
 
At its heart, Their Promised Land is the story of cultural assimilation. The Schlesingers were very British in the way their relatives in Germany were very German, until Hitler destroyed that option. The problems of being Jewish and facing anti-Semitism even in the country they loved were met with a kind of stoic discretion. But they showed solidarity when it mattered most. As the shadows of war lengthened again, the Schlesingers mounted a remarkable effort, which Ian Buruma describes movingly, to rescue twelve Jewish children from the Nazis and see to their upkeep in England. 
 
Many are the books that do bad marriages justice; precious few books take readers inside a good marriage. In Their Promised Land , Buruma has done just that; introducing us to a couple whose love was sustaining through the darkest hours of the century.

Look for Ian's new book, A Tokyo Romance , in March, 2018. 

320 pages, Hardcover

First published January 19, 2016

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About the author

Ian Buruma

89 books251 followers
Ian Buruma is a British-Dutch writer and academic, much of whose work focuses on the culture of Asia, particularly that of 20th-century Japan, where he lived and worked for many years.

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Displaying 1 - 30 of 48 reviews
Profile Image for Stephen Goldenberg.
Author 3 books52 followers
May 27, 2016
I am fascinated by the question of identity (it's central to the novel I am writing) and it is a central component of this book. And so, it was a must-read for me, especially since I am a similar age to Ian Buruma and we share a jewish heritage. The difference is that his grandparents were far more middle class and more assimilated into English society than mine.
This is the story of Bernard and Winifred through their long courtship and even longer marriage told through the copious letters they wrote to each other. As well as being a portrait of a loving marriage and an account of their complex situation as assimilated Jews within English society, the bulk of the book consists of the exchange of letters during their lengthy separations during two world wars. It gives us a vivid picture of the suffering and fortitude of a generation that was forced to spend its formative years in such terrible circumstances.
Profile Image for Miles.
305 reviews21 followers
December 18, 2016
Ian Buruma reconstructs the love of his oh-so English, ambivalently Jewish, German-immigrant grandparents from their correspondence during both the First and Second World Wars. Winifred and Bernard were from relatively well-off German-Jewish families that had immigrated to England. They were fiercely (and defensively) patriotic to the England that had accepted them, and for whom Bernard fought in both world wars as a medic and physician.

They were, each in their own ways, ambivalent about their Jewish identity and about other Jews, particularly Jews who were "too obvious." Their true religion was the music of high German culture. Yet they also rescued, as sponsors, twelve German Jewish children during the Second World War.

Their writings are filled with prejudices, some adopted from their adopted homeland of England, others carried from their German background, and others simply a function of their upper-middle class status and their insecurity in that position. They were always aware of the potential precariousness of their position as Jews. Antisemitism was everywhere in their life, but so was anti-German feeling, and each of these dangers had to be carefully negotiated, with coded language, a stiff upper lip, and dogged insistence not to be discouraged by prejudice, whether rank or subtle. An enthusiastic and wholehearted endorsement of all that was English was the fundamental response. Reading this book we get a sense of a specific English and German-Jewish social reality from 1900 to 1945.

Gradually the reader realizes that these grandparents were also the parents of the famous director John Richard Schlesinger (1926-2003) and that the author, their grandson is *that* Ian Buruma, the public intellectual whose writings one may have encountered in the New York Review of Books. We also discover that Franz Rosenzweig (1886 – 1929) the German-Jewish philosopher was a cousin of Winifred, and even had had a crush on her at one point when both were young.

This is a book about being strung out between German, English and Jewish cultural realities in the first half of the twentieth century. It is very well written and captures social reality very effectively. I found it very much worth my time.
Profile Image for Jan Polep.
695 reviews7 followers
February 7, 2016
What a concept...a happy marriage played out in letter form and commentary about a German/Jewish couple who met and married in England and their life as impacted by 2 world wars, long separations, and family matters. The added value is a peek at two people who out-Englished the English in terms of customs...if that's possible.
Profile Image for Pam.
679 reviews9 followers
April 16, 2018
I loved this memoir of the author's grandparents who lived through two World Wars in England. It was a trip back to another time and to another culture. I also loved the wonderful photographs he included.
Profile Image for Shannon Teper.
Author 2 books10 followers
October 15, 2019
This book had its interesting moments, and gave the reader a new prospective on cultural identity and patriotism, but I just didn’t like the couple it was written about enough to care about the outcome of their personal story.
Profile Image for Amy.
213 reviews5 followers
September 10, 2017
It could have been good but it was written so boring! I was impressed with the life they led but it was hard for me to muddle through.
Profile Image for Ellie F..
54 reviews2 followers
February 17, 2021
This was a lovely read! Felt so connected to the family & the steps they took each day and with each letter Win & Bernard wrote to each other.
They had an incredible skill of expression, communicating with each other in such an eloquent way when they lived apart, didn’t see each other for months on end.

It baffles me how people wrote each other letters back in the day! The written word meant so much & the effort they put into writing them was so incredibly romantic! It makes me believe that something like true love is out there and that a family can stick together through everything such as ww1, ww2, cold war & beyond. The love Win and Bernard shared is incomparable, at least through the letters and the way their grandson described their lives!

The first part of the book was the most enjoyable. I really loved reading about their time in WW1 and how they pined for each other being apart for so long, not knowing how to act in this strange society of Britain in early 1900. Especially about how women are ought to behave, as Win struggled not knowing if she should go study at Oxford and Bernard encouraging her over and over again! Equally Win giving Bernard hope to find a job as a Doctor in a hospital in London or surrounding areas.

The fact that they were struggling with their Jewish, German identity, holding onto a patriotic celebration of “Englishness” made the whole family life intriguing but very strange! One can forget that not only Germans had it difficult to fit in during the time up to WW1 (the hatred for Germans was even worse then compared to WW2!) and how Jewish citizens around the world were always looked at and treated badly, long before Hitler ideologies arrived... it baffles me how the world has always been antagonistic in every possible way, making it difficult to find confidence in ones identity. You might be able to change things if you want to or have a desperate need for it (concerning religion, the family you grow up in or the country you come from), but there will always be something that you cannot change or ignore. Win and Bernard showed how to accept and make the best of what they were given. Of course, they had many advantages compared to other lives but the way they made a life for themselves, however is inspiring and heartwarming!

This biographical tale constructed from the letters of grandparents shows me how difficult it is to hold tight together, support each other and stay true to oneself, once you accept who you are, who you want to be and who you’re actually becoming. It is much easier if not even vital to find a person to share this journey with, if not even a whole array of people you can call family or a part of yourself, in order to achieve a certain stability of mind, pride and especially to share love, something I desperately want to!

Win and Bernard have made a wonderful life for themselves, had the luck to find each other that early on and stuck together through high and low. I always forget that such people existed and still exist in the world. They gave me so much hope, making me emotional for a long time to come, but in a good way!
I hope I can learn from these two and their every letter or Buruma’s interpretation of them! So I can use this knowledge one day, perhabs, I hope with every fibre of my being, as I stumble on such a love and devotion myself, for all highs and lows to come until the very end! Maybe not through war, but other political troubles and definitely through our understanding of ourselves and our identity, finding each other at a physical place (strange or familiar), and then living together in a home full of warmth, acceptance and protection, being there for each others minds, hearts and everything human beings aren’t able to grasp! All this for a long time to come!

I am in deep gratitude that such people exist and keep existing. Someday, I really hope, I may be one of “those people” myself. (for a change... if you look at the bad luck my family had so far...it would be really nice to have a Win & Bernard !!!)

I do hope, I really, desperately, dreadfully hope.

- From a “hopeless” romantic and a walking constant contradiction. (I know I’m messed up...for eternity.)
Profile Image for Jordan.
64 reviews1 follower
October 26, 2018
I read this book to gain some insight into John Schlesinger, who is mentioned often between the covers. His nephew is the book's author, Ian Baruma.

On pages 126-127 there is a passage which upon initial reading seemed somewhat innocuous. I quote: "I must have been about five or a year older. We had been invited for tea by an old lady... [whose husband] had just died.
Win had impressed upon me several times to be on my best behavior, and above all not to mention Colonel Jame's death for that would make Mr. James feel very, very sad.

It was time to leave. As we pulled away, ... with Mrs. James smiling and waving at us from her front door, I stuck my head out of the car window and shouted at the top of my voice. 'Colonel James is dead, Colonel James is dead.'

I have never seen anyone quite so mortified or filled with shame. And possibly that had been the point. It was if I knew by instinct how to touch her rawest nerves."

A bit after reading this passage I learned that the author, Ian Baruma had just been forced out of his position as editor of the New York Review of Books due to his decision to publish an op/ed by Jian Ghomeshi, the disgraced radio/TV host from CBC (Canada). The 5-year-old touching the rawest of nerves.....

Profile Image for Wim Boutens.
39 reviews3 followers
October 20, 2021
De auteur informeert over het leven van zijn grootouders Bernard Schlesinger en Winifred (Win) Regensburg aan de hand van de uitgebreide correspondentie in de vorm van brieven die hij vond bij zijn overleden oom John Schlesinger, de bekende filmregisseur. Buruma probeert te doorgronden waarom een Joods echtpaar uit de hoge bourgeoisie zich Britser dan Brits betoont en zich als echte patriotten inzet voor Engeland tijdens WWI en WWII en de tussenliggende periode, terwijl de Britse samenleving niet vrij was van antisemitisme. Ze waren erg jong tijdens WWI en hadden een gezin tijdens WWII. Bernard was gedurende beide oorlogen aan het front waardoor het contact beperkt bleef tot de vele brieven die ze elkaar schreven. Getuige de vele liefdesverklaringen wordt de liefde door de afwezigheid van Bernard niet verzwakt. De lezer maakt kennis met de vele wereldvraagstukken die in de correspondentie worden besproken, ook het bestuur over India, waar Bernard arts is komt uitgebreid aan bod. Gedurende hun hele leven werd de Joods afkomst aan de zijlijn gehouden, het contact met andere Joden werd beperkt. Ze streefden naar een minimum aan "45" = Joods zijn. Een goed leesbaar boek dat voortdurend de problemen rond integratie van immigranten aan de orde stelt.
536 reviews6 followers
September 13, 2019
This book looked interesting, and the "grandparents" are the parents of British director John Schlesinger. It is the portrait of a loving marriage set against the trauma of two world wars, and the reality of anti-Semitism in 20th. century England. The Schlesingers German heritage is a complication in those times of war-and peace. That they are first and foremost Brits is demonstrated in the author's opening chapter, in which he recalls the bounty at Christmas-yes Christmas-in his grandparents' home. As World War II nears and the Nazis march there is awareness of what a Nazi invasion of their shores would mean to the Schlesingers. The Schlesingers-Bernard a doctor, Win a WWI nurse, musician, and parent-knew anti-Semitism in England, regardless of their comfortable lifestyle. In WWII they welcome German Jewish children to safety, and Bernard despite his age wears his nation's uniform again. The author's text is seasoned liberally with his grandparents letters stretching over the 20th. century. A very good read and account of a family in its tumultuous time. And we see early signs of son John's artistic brilliance.
Profile Image for Maaike.
102 reviews1 follower
October 7, 2022
Ian Buruma reconstructs the love of his proud-to-be-English, Jewish, German-immigrant grandparents from their letters during both World Wars.
Winifred and Bernard's writings are filled with prejudices, some adopted from England, others carried from their German background, and others simply because of their upper-middle-class status. This was very interesting to read since they know what being stereotyped means, but unknowing partake in it as well.
This book is about being surrounded by German, English and Jewish cultural realities during the wars. It is well-written and captures social reality very effectively. I liked the fact that the author included pictures of his grandparents and their family in the novel.
For me however, the story lacked certain suspense. I am aware that the book is a collection of written letters and the author cannot change them, but it made it hard for me to push through. This particular genre is not for me, I guess.
19 reviews1 follower
November 8, 2020
Several reviewers here seem to have missed the personal point. Buruma is not English (although his mother was) and did not know until a teenager that he was Jewish, but (being a gifted observer and an experienced writer) he sets out in this book to understand what it means (or meant in the past, in his grandparents' generation) to be both English and Jewish. He does not succeed at the end in the way he hoped at the beginning, but it is still a valuable and enjoyable book.
Profile Image for Dorothy Caimano.
395 reviews2 followers
May 17, 2017
A beautiful romance, and it's all true, documented in their correspondence. The story covers the topics of marriage, family, child-rearing, music, prejudice, desperate times, refugees, embracing ones adopted country, faith though not active religiously. All that, and a famous film director is in the mix, too. Fascinating.
411 reviews1 follower
January 7, 2020
The author, a grandson, telling the story of his grandparent settling in England, largely through using the letters they wrote to each other when they were separated during the two world wars. What a a gift to have the letters, and what talent he showed sharing their story.
Profile Image for Sandi.
1,646 reviews5 followers
October 23, 2016
This is a fine story of the authors Grandparents in war and love much easier reading than some wartime stories
Profile Image for Trebledb.
245 reviews1 follower
September 24, 2017
Poignant and real, the story is told through letters. A slightly different angle from which to view the build up to and the wars years in England WWII.
Profile Image for Barbara.
1,547 reviews6 followers
June 3, 2018
3.5 is my actual rating. Interesting look at this couple and their time period - well written, and worth a read.
22 reviews1 follower
May 23, 2022
Mooi verteld, waardevol eerbetoon aan zijn grootouders. Mooi geschreven!
Profile Image for Susan Engle.
20 reviews
June 29, 2022
Bringing letters alive through love and war. Will letters from the 21st century bring the same?
Profile Image for Bianca.
510 reviews6 followers
August 28, 2025
Interessant, maar af en toe erg onlogisch qua opbouw. Meermaals ook wat losse opmerkingen die vragen opriepen, die vervolgens nergens werden beantwoord.
17 reviews
September 30, 2025
Loved the concept and use of letters. Was interesting to hear about the wars from a British point of view. The writing was interesting and flowed well. I would definitely recommend and reread.
Profile Image for Laurie.
973 reviews49 followers
November 27, 2015
Prolific writer of history and sociology Ian Buruma has focused on a very personal history in this book: that of his grandparents, Win and Bun (Winifred and Bernard) Schlesinger. Their love affair started around the same time that WW I did (although at that point it was discouraged by both families because of their youth) and continued right up to Bernard’s death in 1984, and it’s an affair that was closely narrated by their letters. During their separations during both World Wars, they wrote every day and many of those letters were saved, providing a treasure trove for Buruma.

Bun and Win’s parents were all prosperous- both their fathers were stock brokers- Jews who emigrated from Germany to England. They strove to fit into their adoptive country, celebrating Christmas and ignoring the anti-Semitism they ran into. When the First World War came, Win and Bun both desired to serve; Win became a nurse and Bun was a stretcher bearer on the fields, where he saw horrible things. Between the wars they married and started a family- which, during WW 2, increased suddenly by 12 Jewish children rescued from the Nazis.

Buruma’s focus is not just on the loving marriage of his grandparent’s, however. It’s also about cultural assimilation and anti-Semitism. Despite facing prejudice- Bernard’s employment prospects were limited because he was Jewish- the family remained devoted to England and *almost* all it stood for. This is a fascinating look at what is going on all around us now as people leave their home countries and face the same kind of prejudice.
Profile Image for Bryn.
2,185 reviews37 followers
April 1, 2023
This is a hard book to decide about, because it has many things that I love: extensively quoted letters; descriptions of English countrysides and manners; an author reflecting upon his family and their past and how their past informed his life. Those parts were lovely and (for me) made the book worth reading.

However... Buruma is a cultural historian, so he is used to looking at collected evidence from groups of people and having a large-scale opinion about how those groups act -- and he does that in this book, despite the fact that he is just looking at the lives of his grandparents. Every time he said 'And then they did this, as immigrants so often do...' or 'I cannot imagine why they did this thing, except that perhaps immigrants always...' I got so riled up at the lack of method -- two people is not data about the habits of immigrants! And often I *could* imagine quite a few reasons for them to be doing whatever-it-was Buruma was so surprised by -- I am not saying my imagination was anything like correct, but why was his so impoverished? I'm not an expert in the 20s or 30s by any stretch of anyone's imagination, but I've read a lot of British middle-class literature from that period, and some of the things Buruma found hard to fathom seemed perfectly culturally normal in the time period, so... all in all, it was not a very satisfying book despite seeming exactly like a book I would love.
Profile Image for SundayAtDusk.
751 reviews33 followers
January 19, 2016
From the description of this book, one is left thinking the story of Ian Buruma’s grandparents, Bernard and Win Schlesinger, was going to be told mainly by the letters they wrote each other. Apparently, there were thousands of them; yet not that many are in this book; and the ones that are included are usually partial letters. No, their story is being told mostly by Mr. Buruma, not by their letters, and at times, I thought the way he was telling his grandparents story was ineffective. It was choppy storytelling, going here there and everywhere, and the author seemed strangely overly concerned about certain matters, such as the sexual orientation of family, friends and acquaintances.

In regards to the 12 Jewish children his grandparents brought over from Germany, there’s actually not that much about that matter, either. That part of the story seemed more fitting for an article in Parade Magazine. By the end of the book, one is left mostly with a clear image of what it was like to be Jewish, while trying to not appear Jewish, in England during the 20th century; and with the image of a marriage that worked well for the author’s grandparents. They were always husband and wife first, parents and grandparents second, and always, always grateful for being British citizens.

(Note: I received a free copy of this book from Amazon Vine in exchange for an honest review.)
Profile Image for Christine.
202 reviews
June 29, 2016
Rating = 3.5

This is a memoir of Bernard and Win, written by their grandson, using their letters. It follows the love of these two from the time that they were teenagers (during WWI), through their separation of WWII and then a brief description of the rest of their lives together.

The first part of the book concentrates on how English the pair were. They were both from German-Jewish immigrant families and they both chose to fully embrace England and all things English. They were unmarried during the first World War and had a rather large family during the second.

The book tells the story of Bernard and Win set firmly against the political backdrop of the times. The author explores their religious (or lack there of) natures and how they fit into the society within England.

I really thought that more of their letters would be contained in the book based on the description. I was disappointed that this was not the case. The beginning kind of plodded along, but the last 150 pages went by rather quickly. It was interesting to read a bit about British colonialism in India, see a discussion on English political policies of the time, and read about some of the Jewish children that fled Germany and a few that Win and Bernard took care of during WWII.

The love story of these two is real and palpable. It's sad no one writes letters anymore....
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