Psychopath Free: Recovering from Emotionally Abusive Relationships with Narcissists, Sociopaths, and Other Toxic People

by Jackson MacKenzie, Peace (Pseudonym)

Have you ever been in a relationship with a psychopath? Chances are, even if you did, you would never know it. Psychopaths are cunning charmers and master manipulators, to the point where you start to accept the most extreme behaviors as normal…
 
Even if it hurts you.
 
 
All around us, every single day, human beings devoid of empathy are wreaking havoc and destroying lives in the coldest, most heartless ways imaginable. In constant pursuit of money, sex, influence, or simple entertainment, psychopaths will do whatever it takes to gain power over others. They hide behind a veil of normalcy, arranging their friends and partners like pawns in a game of chess.
 
Using false praise and flattery to get what they want, they can lure any unsuspecting target into a relationship.  Once hooked, their charming promises spin into mind games and psychological torture. Victims are left devastated and confused, unable to recognize—or even put into words—the nightmare that just took place.
 
This significantly expanded edition of Psychopath Free contains new chapters, updated content, and real survivor experiences. Written from the heart, it is the first guide for survivors written by a survivor, offering hope for healing and thriving after psychopathic abuse. Say goodbye to the chaos, self-doubt, and victimization. You are free.

Genres: Psychology, Self Help, Nonfiction, Mental Health, Relationships, Personal Development, Abuse

285 pages, Paperback

First published March 20, 2013

Reviews

[Jo · Rating 5 out of 5]

I wish I could have read this book a year ago. The author basically told me my own story, and for the first time, I was able to REALLY hear it. The author is just a person, like me. Not a doctor or specialist of any kind- aside from honest experience. This was exactly what I needed. I feel more grateful than ever that the sociopath who tortured me only did so for a few months and never fully engaged me. I am proud and grateful for my status as a former transitional target! His horrific silence has become a tremendous gift. My recovery time could have gone so much faster and smoother if I'd had this book to guide me through it.

I highly recommend this book to survivors, their loved ones, and therapists who are working with abuse survivors. I believe that if someone had given me this book during my relationship, while I was still under his control, that it could have broken the spell. All I needed was a real friend to stand up to me and tell me I deserved better than this sorry excuse for a man. My mother was the only one who really tried, but still I couldn't hear her at the time. :( The author said that many of my friends would start to fall away once I started to respect myself, and that has definitely been the case. But I don't mind, because I can see now how toxic (or just plain apathetic) those friendships were. This is a book I plan to reread at regular intervals, to remind myself of all the valuable lessons I have learned from the sociopath who used me for a quick high while grooming his next (more suitable) target. The most impressive of which is that I am too powerful for a sociopath to tame. :)

[Kimberley Jacobs · Rating 5 out of 5]

Such a great book. I always felt like the "crazy person" in my relationship.. to the point I wanted to die. Nobody really ever saw the psychopath side of my partner until it was almost too late. There are so many people out there who are suffering in these same situations and this book helped me realize I am not the loser.. I am valuable... and people who truly love others do not make them feel worthless and could never discard them so easily. I do struggle with "no contact"... this book helps me realize that no matter what, the cycle won't end unless I end it... that I was very much in love with someone who could never love me back.. and it's time for me to let that go and accept it.

[Jen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Admittedly, I picked this up to support a fellow Derryfield alum (Go Jackson!). I didn't expect it to speak to me since I have not (to my knowledge) dated a psychopath or anyone with a personality disorder. After reading Psychopath Free, it became clear that this book is not just about recovering from dating a psychopath. This book is about human relationships, empathy, and self-preservation. It's about protecting yourself from toxic relationships and forgiving yourself when you fall apart. I recommended it to a friend because she's been struggling to find post-break up answers after years of dating someone she now suspects is a sociopath. She immediately loved it and felt validated. Since these personality disorders are so common, this book is important not only for survivors of this type of abuse but for people in general to be equipped with the skills to help people through the agony. I feel like I'm now more capable of helping a survivor, even if that just means giving space and time to work through the ridiculous reality they've suffered. I'd imagine this is a key resource for anyone in the aftermath of a relationship with a person with a personality disorder, but it's also a great book for anyone looking to reflect on their own personality, relationships, and strengths.

[Prathik M · Rating 1 out of 5]

I read this book to get an insight of why psychopaths do what they do, but this unscientific book, filled with unproven, baseless things like angel, spirit, guard etc.. I wouldn't recommend it to anyone. I am giving a harsh review for this because these people are taking advantage of the vulnerable too by perpetrating this nonsense and making money out of it, the very thing that they claim psychopaths do, take advantage of the vulnerable. After reading "You Might Be a Narcissist If.." by Paul Meier, who is an actual doctor, this book seemed like one of those ridiculous make you feel good books that don't contain solid fact. However I did like one article in the book written by DawnG.

[MaryKay Keller · Rating 5 out of 5]

WOW! Everyone should give a copy of this book to their teens. Not everyone is your friend! It's okay to be choosy about who you spend your time with and when you meet someone with these qualities keep them out of your life.

[Jess the Shelf-Declared Bibliophile · Rating 3 out of 5]

This actually wasn't really what I was expecting. I think there's quite a difference between someone being labeled as a psychopath versus a narcissist. I have no doubt that the ex(es?) the author encountered, and many exes from his forum website, psychopathfree.com, sound like truly horrible people who very likely do qualify as a complete psychopath. However, while I have definitely had incredibly toxic exes with massive levels of narcissism, I do not think they are soulless, evil, or inhuman, as often stated and repeated throughout the book. Were they emotionally and psychologically abusive? Absolutely, but I do acknowledge that while they are deeply flawed individuals, they are human, and I do not doubt that they did not love me in their own way at some point, to some degree at least. Perhaps the author would call me an eternal optimist, or naive, or maybe I wasn't as destroyed as he was, but that's just how I feel. I'm not by any means saying don't read the book if you think it might help something you've experienced, and I still enjoyed the positive sides of it, but the overall vibe was very bitter in a lot of ways.

[Mandie Lowe]

This is a really good guide to abusive relationships with psychopaths, sociopaths and narcissists. For those who have never considered that their partner might be suffering from a personality disorder, this could very well provide you with the answers you have been seeking.

My abusive ex told me I was stupid (in far less polite terms) for falling for his lies (again, I'm cleaning up his language) and that he is a sociopath. He feels no empathy, no guilt, no remorse, he feels nothing for me, our entire 7 year relationship was a pretense, our engagement was a sham, he'd been faking everything since the day we met and he's tired of faking it with me. In fact, he hates me. Although he expressed that sentiment with more fervor. After the break-up, I mulled over what he'd told me.

I started reading this book and it might as well have been a case study of our relationship. Every inexplicable thing that he ever did was in here. I cannot say that he is a sociopath, or a psychopath, but the fact is that he treated me the same way a psychopath would treat a partner. That knowledge is enough for me to stand firm in never contacting him again.

Of course, he sent me an email three weeks after the break-up to remind me how much he hates me. Reading his messages from the perspective that he's suffering from a personality disorder (my money is actually on BPD), I interpreted that as an attempt to draw me back in ("hoovering", survivors of abuse call it). Under previous circumstances I might have fallen for it, questioning what I ever did to inspire hatred in him, when he was the one who lied and cheated and abused me. Knowing what I know now, I can only laugh at his transparent attempts to take advantage of my kindness and empathy.

This is a very empowering book for victims of abuse and I can recommend it. It is not only targeted at those who escaped abusive relationships, it can also function as a guide to spot warning signs in new relationships.

[Nadia Jasmine · Rating 5 out of 5]

কার্যকারন ছাড়া তো কিছু হয় না। সাম্প্রতিক ঘটনায় ভেঙে পড়বার পর মনে হল, পাঠকের মৃত্যু নেই। নিজের ভেতরের কলকব্জা ঠিক করতে বইটা যোগাড় করেছিলাম। পড়ে শান্তি পেলাম। খুবই সহজ ভাষায় লেখা। ইংরেজীকে ভয় পাওয়া লোকেদেরও পড়তে অসুবিধা হবে না।

সম্পর্ক ভাঙার অনেক ধরণ থাকে। কখনো কারো যদি মনে হয় যে অকারনে খুব দ্রুত গভীর হয়ে যাওয়া কোন সম্পর্ক ভেঙেছে এবং আপনি শান্তি রক্ষার্থে নিজের মান-সম্মান জলান্জলি দিয়ে শুধুমাত্র প্রথম পর্যায়ে মাথায় তোলার স্মৃতি স্মরণ করে ও ভালোবেসে তাতে রয়ে গিয়ে ভয়ে ভয়ে দিন কাটিয়েছেন, তাহলে এই বইটি পড়লে আপনি অনেক প্রশ্নের উত্তর পাবেন। আপনার চারিত্রিক বৈশিষ্ট্যর বাইরে গিয়ে আপনি যদি সম্পর্কটিতে থাকাকালীন অবস্থায় অনিরাপদ, অনিশ্চিত ও অস্থির হয়ে উঠে নিজেকে দোষ দিতে থাকেন, সম্ভবত: আপনি মানসিক অত্যাচারের শিকার। বইটির লেখক নিজে একজন সারভাইভার। আর সে আসলেই আপনাকে বোঝাতে সক্ষম হবে যে বর্তমান পরিস্থিতির জন্য আপনি দায়ী নন। আশেপাশের মানুষ সেই অবস্থার সামান্যকরণ করার ফলে আপনার নিজেকে যে বোকা, ছোট ও দুর্বল মনে হচ্ছে, তাও আসলে ভুল একটা ধারনা।

জ্যাকসন ম্যাককেন্জিকে ধন্যবাদ এরকম একটা বই উপহার দেবার জন্য। এই বিষয়ে কথা বলাটাই অনেক সাহসের বিষয়। কারন, এখনো পৃথিবী মোটা দাগে শারীরিক অত্যাচারকেই শুধু দৃশ্যমান আঘাতের চিহ্ন থাকার কারনে কিছুটা গুরুত্বের সঙ্গে নিয়ে থাকে। মানসিক ভাবে পঙ্গু করতে থাকে যে লোক, তার চেয়ে অনেক বেশি দোষী ধরা হয় অত্যাচারিতকে। শুনতে হয় যে সে কেন এমন কিছুতে রয়ে গিয়ে এসব সয়ে গেলো! কারন বলতে বা বোঝাতে গিয়ে নিজেকে তখন আরো অপরাধী মনে হয়। চিন্তা আরো গুলিয়ে যায়। আপাতদৃষ্টিতে হালকা মনে হওয়া অপমানগুলো নিয়ে বিচলিত না হবার জন্য নিজেকে রীতিমতো বেকুব মনে হয়! সেখানে নিজেকে উদ্ধার করে সবার সাহায্যার্থে একটা ওয়েবসাইট খোলা ও স্পষ্ট চিন্তায় ফিরে গিয়ে একটা বই লেখা বিশাল এক অর্জন।অপেক্ষায় থাকবো তার আরো কোন বই পড়ার জন্য।

১৫’ই জুলাই, ২০১৯।

অকারনে বইটিতে ফিরে গিয়েছিলাম। মনে হয়েছিল, ভুলে বসে আছি সব!

খুব আস্তে ধীরে পড়ে শেষ করার ইচ্ছা ছিল। পড়ার মাঝে দুঃখজনক ঘটনা ছিল জ্যাকসন ম্যাকেন্জির মৃত্যু। খবরটা পেয়ে আমার মনে হল, এই মানুষটাই বেঁচে থাকল না দুনিয়ায়!

সুন্দর করে লিখতে অনেকেই পারে, কিন্তু, নিজের উপর বয়ে যাওয়া এমন এক শান্ত, অথচ ধ্বংসাত্মক ঝড় নিয়ে লিখতে থাকা ও মানুষকে সাহায্য করার চেষ্টা করে যাওয়া মানুষটা জীবনের পুরোটা না কাটিয়ে চলে গেলেন! কতো নোংরা লোকের সহজে মৃত্যু হয় না! অথচ, জ্যাকসন চলে গেলেন। তাই শেষ অংশ পড়েছি আর ভেবেছি, মানুষটা একটি অমূল্য দলিল রেখে গেছেন। কোন এক সময়ে এসব হিডেন অ্যাবিউসকে স্বাভাবিক ব্যাপার বলা হবে না কোথাওই, এখনি হচ্ছে কম। যখন ঐ সময়টা আসবে, তখন জ্যাকসন ম্যাকেন্জিকে শ্রদ্ধাভরে স্মরণ করা হবে।

‘একজন বিখ্যাত মানুষ দিয়ে কি হয়? কিছুই হয় না। কিন্তু একশ জন খাঁটি মানুষ দিয়ে একটা দেশ পাল্টে দেয়া যায়।’ মুজাই।

তাঁর মতো খাঁটি মানুষ বইয়ের শেষে এসে আফসোস করেছেন যে তিনি পৃথিবীর সবার কাছে পৌঁছাতে পারলে সুখ পেতেন.. তাঁর এই আফসোসটা আরো বেশি বুঝতে পারি, কারন, হিলিং এর ধাপগুলোর প্রথমটাই থাকে সচেতনতা। আর তা করতে জানতে হবে। এই বিষয়ে পড়তে হবে। আর সেটা আর কয়জন করে? বেশিরভাগ মানুষ প্লেজার প্রিন্সিপল অণুসরণ করে নিজের সুন্দর অংশটাও এক সময়ে স্রোতের তোড়ে হারিয়ে ফেলে। সেটা চাইলেই ঠেকানো যায়, আর তা বুঝেই লেখকের দুঃখ।

আমাদের হিলিং আপন করে নিতেই বাঁধে। ব্যক্তিবিশেষে দেখছি, কারোর এমন নামের বই, তার উপর সেল্ফ হেল্প জনরা পড়লেও ইজ্জত যায়। কিন্তু, একজন খোলা মনের পাঠক তো জানবেনই যে সব জনরায় ভালো বই আছে এবং বইয়ের মলাট বা নাম বা জনরার চেয়ে ভিতরের জিনিসপাতিকেই বেশি মূল্য দেওয়া লাগে।

সুতরাং, প্রিভেনশান ইজ অলওয়েজ বেটার দ্যান কিওর। আর দুঃখ হয় যে এরূপ ইতর প্রাণী ধরনীতে সদর্পে হেঁটে বেড়াচ্ছে জানতাম না বলে কহতব্য নয়, এমন সব সময় কাটিয়েছি। খরচও হয়েছে, যা হতো না যদি মানুষের দলে এমন মানুষজনও থাকে, তা নিয়ে একটুও ধারণা থাকতো!

কারোর সাইকোপ্যাথি নিয়ে জানার ইচ্ছা থাকলে ও ম্যাকেন্জির ভাষায় সবাই টেড বান্ডিই হবে এরকম ভাসা ভাসা চিন্তায় ভাসতে ভালো না বাসলে, তার এই বই পড়লে লাভ বৈ ক্ষতি হবার কোন সম্ভাবনা নেই।

কোন এক সময়ে আবারো পড়তে চাই। আবারো ‘যাক, শান্তিতে আছি’ ভাবতে চাই। আবারো ঝালাই করে নিতে চাই এই তথ্য যে নিজেকে একদম পাল্টে ফেলে নিষ্ঠুরতম হবার চেয়ে যা-তা লোক জীবন থেকে উৎপাটন করা বেটার। তাতে জীবনটা বেশ পেলব হয়ে ওঠে। আর ছোট এই জীবনে পেলবতা বা অপার শান্তিই কাম্য।

[Amanda NEVER MANDY · Rating 2 out of 5]

It takes all kinds to make the world go round. Unfortunately, that means a handful of those kinds are of the toxic variety. This book was written as a guide for those who have to deal with them.

Reading this book and I was instantly reminded of that friend group that will talk hella shit on your ex like it is their job. Not a bad thing to have in the process of healing immediately after a toxic relationship ends, but not what I was looking for long term regarding educating myself on that type of person.

The book is also heavy on repetition. The first part of it, and the reader feels like there will be a lot more info ahead. The middle, and the reader realizes that the rest of the book is just the first part being rehashed. Not a bad thing to have when rebuilding someone’s self-esteem by reinforcement, but not at all what I was looking for regarding learning anything new or different on the topic.

Two stars to a book that hyped more than it helped.

SOME QUOTES:

“Here’s the most important thing to remember: defending yourself will only make things worse. Sometimes less is more, and this is one of those times. You think you have a perfect response to their ridiculous defamation? Yes, the psychopath is counting on that. In fact, they’ve carefully crafted their insults to make sure of it. They attack the things you value most, because those are the things in life you will defend most passionately.”

“You are probably not accustomed to having boundaries. In fact, many survivors never had boundaries to begin with. A strange gift from the psychopathic experience is that you begin to find these boundaries. Some call it healthy narcissism, but I think “self-respect” is a better term. The problem is, boundaries and self-respect are completely foreign to you at this point. So when you begin to manifest these things, you feel like a selfish, abrasive jerk. When I reality, you’ve just stopped playing the role of a selfless doormat.”

“You’re not psychopathic or narcissistic for having boundaries and expecting a decent level of respect in return. You’re just a regular human being with feelings.”

[Erika Zamerica · Rating 1 out of 5]

want a pity party? want advice from an author who still sounds hurt? the entire book is like a shameless retort to an ex that wont give them the time of day. "ill show you!! ill write a book about how evil you are." major gripe #1...actually labeling someone with a legitimate psychopathic disorder as evil....writing off years of legitimate research in deference to the same mentality that made people burn women at the stake for being witches.

[Sina · Rating 5 out of 5]

بیست و دو مهر ۱۴۰۳
چند وقت پیش توییتی رو از خانومی خوندم که رابطه ی تاکسیک رو تعریف میکرد
به این صورت که فرد در ابتدا با وعده های مختلف و تعریف و تمجیدهای فراوان رابطه رو شروع میکنه، بعد از مدتی اون ویژگی هایی که بابت شون حاضر بوده جون بده بی اهمیت میکنه و در اخر با ایگنور کردن رابطه و بی ارزش کردن طرف مقابل رابطه رو تموم میکنه.
این سه مرحله
Love-bombing , discard, devalue
هستن که این کتاب به طور کاملا دقیق این الگوریتم رو توضیح میده و در کنار اون ویژگی های همچین فردی رو توضیح میده.
حتی اگه علاقه به کتاب های این مدلی ندارید به نظرم چپتر دومش که ۳۰ ویژگی افراد تاکسیک رو میگه رو حتما بخونید.

[Frankie Paige · Rating 1 out of 5]

DNF: About 45% through, I got tired of the sensationalist demonizing of people with personally disorders/poor communication patterns/some narcissistic traits.

Yes, a lot of people are brought up to be codependent and a perfect "fit" for a narcissist. But that doesn't make the codependent one into an angel, and the (alleged) narcissist into an evil demon.

And lumping narcissism and borderline (and a few others) together under the umbrella of psychopathy is just irresponsible, and shows complete lack of basic research.

[Ashley Smith · Rating 1 out of 5]

The first 40-50 pages held a decent discussion about red flags and experiences that can be expected when with an emotionally abusive person. I found this section to have some value and was able to find validation for my own experience.. However, after that the author used inflated language, rambled on about how "evil" their ex was, how good and pure the author is because they are an empathetic person, and ending with a claim that 15% of people in the world have a cluster B personality type and are the source of evil that causes problems in our world. The author voiced overly exaggerated opinions as if they were facts and he further perpetuated stereotypes about people with personality type disorders that are not true across the board. Not everyone with borderline personality disorder, histrionic personality disorder, or narcissistic personality disorder can be classified as evil, and I find it highly uneducated for someone who is claiming to have some knowledge about this topic to claim this as fact. This was one of the most discouraging things about this book, but there are more.

The author also kept referring to his website throughout the book which was a distracting for me. He promoted his website and support group forum on the website too often instead of suggesting for victims to seek a therapist or mental health professional.

Throughout the book, the author misconstrued his experiences and opinions as true facts about a toxic relationship with a "psychopath". He did not talk about things in an objective manor, which is what a good author and survivor of abuse should have done. Not all survivors experiences are the same, not all abusive relationships are the same. He gave a very one sided view about his experience, which I personally found hard to relate to at times.

Another major flaw of this book was that is was overly repetitive and there was barely any new ideas or topics that were shared. The book could have been condensed to about half to length without missing any ideas or topics.

One of the most horrifying parts was during the healing section of the book.. He advised the reader to sit in a bathtub and recall some of the darkest moments of your abuse in order to try and heal.... this is not a good recommendation for those who have extreme PTSD, are experiencing depression from their experiences, have panic disorders, or any other kind of mental health concern where their safety would be put in jeopardy by doing this alone and in an unsafe place such as a bath full of water. I found this part to be horrifying, people should not be encouraged to relive trauma alone. They should seek a therapist, mental health professional, a support group, or a close friend where they can receive the support and safety they need.

As someone who has worked in the mental health field with survivors of domestic violence, I would not recommend this book to anyone due to the large inaccuracies that this book depicts regarding mental health, abusive relationships, and the path to healing. There are better resources out there by mental health professionals and experts that are more worth your time and effort.

[Brittany McCann · Rating 4 out of 5]

Wow, the intro had so much I could relate to; it was scary.

The manufactured soul mate was both frightening and fascinating. Having ended my relationship and feeling free from it.

Already, a lot of the rest of the book didn't speak to me as much but did make me immensely glad that I am not feeling hung up on a psychopath.

A lot of great tips and advice if you ever come Across one of these toxic types. I highly recommend this.

4 Stars

[•.~*Izzy*~.• · Rating 5 out of 5]

absolutely my favorite book of the year so far. this book made me cry, spiral, laugh (at how well it described my ex), and then i felt peace. i feel in awe of how incredible it was written, how validating it is still coping with my breakup—with at best, a narcissist—six months later.

i no longer feel ashamed for how long im taking to move on, situations like this aren’t normal, so it’s not gonna take a normal amount of time to move on. and it also just validates my entire thought process of “oh maybe if i wouldn’t have reacted those ways we could have worked it out”. there was no working out a relationship with someone who does not or will not ever have a conscience or empathy. moving on has been so hard, but this book absolutely helped me get many steps closer.

please, if you are struggling in toxic relationships or dealing with an emotionally abusive partner or ex, read this book. it was genuinely life changing

[Charlene · Rating 1 out of 5]

I have been on a quest to read as many books that involve DSM personality disorders as possible. So few rise to any acceptable standard; and yet, the public eats them up. This book was another book in the sea of psych-centered self help books that provides some unquestionably helpful advice (identifying traits that are manipulative and suggesting ways to free yourself from individuals who act that way) while at the same time creating a plethora of just so stories that pollute anything good the book has to offer.

I am truly interested in abnormal psych. My undergrad major is in cognitive neuroscience. I loved my studies. I love thinking about what can go wrong with personalities. But, these books are so often extremely terrible. At least this person refrained from suggesting they were an expert. I couldn't read the whole book and skimmed parts when I got really over the top. So, I might have missed a claim to expert status.

You are better off looking on the net for traits of manipulative people and how to free yourself from them.

I feel like I am possibly done engaging in what feels like a futile exercise, rating these types of books.

[S. Rowe · Rating 5 out of 5]

All I can say about this book is that I was in a downward spiral into the darkest depression, questioning my sanity, my logic/reasoning abilities, what I saw with my own eyes and what I heard with my own ears, until I listened to it.

When I wasn't using my self-defense mechanism of denial, my life and mind were in constant turmoil.

For my own sanity and a consuming need for encouragement/distraction, I would search the Internet for books about toxic people, Narcissists, and manipulators.

Psychopath Free came up on Amazon.com and all I read was the synopsis, her intro & the 30 Red Flags.

I was stunned. It was like reading my own mental red flag inventory.
I went straight to my audible app & bought the audiobook.

Since then, I've read many books like this one and I am now very aware of people I know.

People who are supposed to love me.

I'm seeing a therapist as a result of the PTSD, emotional abuse, and many other manifestations of their abuse. The abuse I didn't even know was abuse.

I'm still healing. My heart is still broken, but I know now (in the surest way) that everything I questioned, felt, or suspected was valid.

When I'd been told everything was my fault for being sensitive, or crazy, instigator, "like to fight," etc. and He had me believing this nonsense.

I've never liked to fight. And he either knows it or he truly thinks my way of communicating is always critical and confrontational.

Somehow, my carefully-constructed, sincere, & humble attempts to address something I thought was damaging our family or relationship, were met with exasperation, amusement, sarcasm, outrageous lies, cruelty, character attacks, and silent treatment.

It didn't take much for him to accuse me of fighting.

He was a serial provoker and patronizer.

I hate to say all of this on good reads, but my poorly worded review and disjointed thoughts may hit home with another reader who felt the way I did in my marriage. If so, read this book.

And Divorcing a Narcissist, Mr. Unavailable and the Fallback Girl, and The No-Contact Rule.
These are a few of the many books I've read on the subject, but have been the most relevant, straightforward, and contained advice that actually made me stronger. Strength was one of the first things I desperately needed.



When you are ready to start improving yourself despite that urge to lay down and die, read everything you can by author Bruce Bryan's.

Not only is his dating advice and insight to our roles and natures as men and women, but he gave me the most help rebuilding my god-given right to setting personal boundaries...something missing from every relationship I had, whether brother, mother, child, or husband.

BRUCE BRYANS - DON'T FORGET.

[Jess Cruz · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'll be the first to admit that I usually see self-help books as a scam. I feel that they don't dispense new or insightful advice. And with this book, in particular, I was a little wary about the lack of scientific study and statistics. With that said, if you're looking for a book rooted in social experiments and actual data, you won't find it here. However, if you approach this book the way I did (as a vulnerable, post-break-up hot mess), you might be pleasantly surprised.

MacKenzie masterfully--although, at times, repetitively--strips away the connotation that all psychopaths (or anyone suffering from a Cluster B Personality Disorder) are going to end up on the front page of the Daily News. According to his claims, they walk among us. They’re insidious. And they might be sleeping in your bed beside you.

When I related this book to my own relationship, half of the time, I wasn’t sure if my ex-fiance was a psychopath or just a petulant child. At times, the line is so thin that it’s indistinct. The truth of the matter is that the “Manufactured Soulmate” section is far too detailed to be a universal description of abuse at the hands of a psychopath (or narcissist, sociopath, etc.).

But where the book truly shined was the “Path to Recovery” and “Freedom” sections. I know that some claimed that the book, in general, was too repetitive. But as I was on my own path to recovery, I needed a reminder of certain affirmations (it wasn’t my fault; do not maintain contact; empathy and kindness are strengths, not weaknesses; etc.). And because the book wasn’t clinical and didn’t throw statistics in my face, I felt like I was the recipient of hard truths from a wise friend. I was more open to seeing myself as a survivor rather than as a victim because of the tone and accessibility of the book.

So in all, I gave it four stars. I believe that it did make a difference in my life and in the way that I cope with grief. I’ve also learned from this book that I should embrace my feelings as they come instead of struggling against them. It’s worth a read, especially if you suspect that you’ve intimately encountered a psychopath.

[Amy · Rating 5 out of 5]

I think everyone should read this book, even if they have not personally been in an intimate relationship with a Psychopath. With the high percentage of the population that have Cluster B disorders all people have been in contact with at least one, even if they haven't been personally affected, yet. It is educational, but also personal. It put things into words that I had experienced, but could not explain. I will likely refer back to this book often and read it again.

[Laurie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have to say that this little book really does have it all!
It simply tells you how it is with the psychopath. How they think and how they do not care nor worry about what you nor anyone else thinks. No empathy, no care other than for themselves. Moving on to one doormat to the next only to recycle you IF you allow them too! How to keep a, "no contact" agreement with yourself and from them. A must read for anyone living with/attached to/or recovering from a psychopath's path of destruction. After you read this book you will let go of your, "what ifs" and your, "If I'd onlys."

[Diana · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'm giving it 4 stars more for its powers of personal validation than for the way it's written, which as some have mentioned can be repetitive (although this has is its own affirming power in my opinion. some things ought to be repeated like a mantra). It loosely charts the trajectory of a toxic relationship (although specifically one with a Psychopath as per the personal experience of the author) & the subsequent healing process. I especially appreciated reading about the unbearable multitude of cognitive dissonances one suffers from after breaking away from such a toxic person & trying to rationalize their behaviour as well as your own. For me, this part is truly the most confusing & unbearable, and this book is the first place where I found an elucidation of this twisted experience; how it wrecks your sense of self, almost emptying it.

For me the more touching parts of the book were the parts where the author is almost reaching out to the reader through shared experience, constantly reminding one of the fact that there is an end to this experience & that one would be better for it (I balked at this in the beginning but how true I find it to be by the end of the book!).

Some limitations I find though is that the book presents a rather narrow experience of an intimate relationship with a toxic person, in this case specifically a psychopath. Though a lot of what was written resonated with me, a lot of it did not as well because it seemed so specific. Will all relationships with psychopath be so rote? It would be great if there were some space included in the book to include a wider range of experiences & a wider range of toxic people. (Though a definition of Narcissists and Sociopaths are given, this book doesn't deal with the specifics of dealing with them).

Another thing I was uncomfortable with was the absolute language. Firstly, the book is already rather loose in the sense that it doesn't have citations nor does it bother to substantiate certain claims with data or research (I think personal experience is very valid as substantiation but for certain claims made I think there ought to be data otherwise it's hard for me to accept it). The language could be very strong and though I have had a destructive experience with a toxic person, I would not use the word "evil" to describe them. Nor am I comfortable with the idea that people with Sociopathy, Narcissism, Borderline Personality Disorder, and Psychopathy are beyond redemption and that they can't be cured at all (if 'cured' is the right word). Nor do I think BPD can be grouped together with Sociopathy & Psychopathy, while the latter includes a lack of empathy people with BPD often suffer from too much of it. Perhaps this is my personal discomfort, but despite my experience it pains my heart to think that such a determinist take on such personality disorders could be true. I've read about personal accounts where people who have recognized psychopathy and sociopathy within themselves have 'cured' or at least mitigated their condition through years of sustained treatment or therapy.

While I understand that empathy in victims have been manipulated, and therefore rendering abusers such as psychopaths & sociopaths as evil & beyond redemption is an act of personal liberation, I can't find it in myself to hold such a fatalist view on 15% (as mentioned in the book) of the population. The author says that it isn't his concern, that his concern is with survivors & that is fair enough, I don't take issue with that, I am just bogged down by the idea that we simply write off 15% of the population who are born with such a condition as utterly evil & beyond redemption. I don't know.. I feel like there can be a way where we validate & help those victimized by pathologically abusive behaviour while at the same time extend some empathy (yes i know victims did this with no positive consequence..) to the abusers in a non-intimate sense.

But anyway I'm very very thankful for this book.

[Anton Vrambout · Rating 4 out of 5]

SPOILER Alert

SOME TRAITS:

Psychopaths latch onto people who have a lot to lose. Idealistic people with big dreams or successes fall harder and thus are more fun to devastate and in this way kill the psychopaths boredom.

Have no deep- or meaningful friendships.

Get spoiled by their current (temporary) round of 'fans'. (Fans have an 'air' of misery around them)
Enjoy to turn people against each other. They like to dominate. To be in control. They get there by exploiting vulnerabilities.

Triangulate. This means making communication flow through them as they want to be in control. Again.

"Psychopaths claim to hate drama, however there is more drama surrounding their life than anyone else. What separates them from drama queens is their ability to appear innocent in all of it. They make subtle suggestions, then sit back and watch others go down in flames for them. They plant little seeds of poison, whispering to everyone, idealizing them to their face, and then insulting them behind their backs."

They use the victim tactic. Come over as a sympathetic victim.


THE Psychopath CYCLE: Idealize, Devaluate, Discard

Psychopaths want you to believe you're crazy because it makes you seem more unstable to the rest of the world. The label 'bipolar' is a perfect label for the psychopath's ideal victim. Labelling their Naturally optimistic and cheerful traits as "mania" and then the valid reactions to abuse become the "depression".

Real victims checkmate themselves as they believe that they can understand, forgive, and absorb all the problems in such a toxic relationship while the other is just being irrational.

Real victims will be hurt to see others take the psychopaths' side and laugh.

The psychopath strips you of your dignity by taking back everything you felt during the idealization period. Make a mockery of your dreams, subtly suggesting you are not right for them and thus the cause for the 'bad relationship'. They groom you to be dependant and compliant. Your fantasy shifts into an inconceivable nightmare.

This is called Identity Erosion. Or in other words: 'Emotional Rape'


BRIGHT SPOT: Psychopaths/ narcissists are not believed to be born, but made. There are different types of narcissists and personality disorders which are formed during childhood. Brought upon by experience or education.

The book also reads that Psychopaths are 'able' to be kind, they just find it boring. Maybe they do not understand or have never learned the beauty of kindness?


Protect yourself through self-respect. Toxic people have conditioned us to ignore our intuition. We must learn to trust it again!

[Stephanie Phillips · Rating 1 out of 5]

Zero references and the author has absolutely no credentials. Strange claims (you will take 12 to 24 months to recover from this relationship...?) and a clear misunderstanding of Cluster B personality disorders and the differences between, especially in how they impact interpersonal relationships and the wrong assertion that they're untreatable--which is probably to be expected when you aren't a mental health professional, and is a pretty good reason that you shouldn't be writing a book delving into anything around that topic.

Many other good books on this topic exist by people who have education and experience in the field. Pass on this one.

[Medeia Sharif · Rating 5 out of 5]

Reading this book felt therapeutic. We all come across those with cluster B personality disorders, and they sure do wreak havoc in other people’s lives. This book made me more aware of warning signs and typical behaviors of these psychopaths, the desire to forgive myself for allowing these people into my life, and moving on while acknowledging newfound strengths and lessons learned.

[Tanya · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent

I recommend this book to anyone who feels they have been in an emotionally abusive relationship. I liked it because it reiterated your experience was very real. It is hard for people that haven't walked in our shows to relate.

[Alisa · Rating 2 out of 5]

I mean...if you want to read one man write about his break up, sure, but if you're looking for a well researched book on sociopathy, no. The author has no credentials and writes as though his break up is the same as all other sociopathic break ups. It's not. How could this be published?

[Dmitry · Rating 1 out of 5]

(The English review is placed beneath Russian one)

Удивительно, как такая книга может зарабатывать такие высокие рейтинги. На Западе книга имеет все основания быть названной бестселлером. Более того, к моему удивлению и разочарованию, книга обходит даже такую книгу как «Лишённые совести», которая, с моей точки зрения, является одной из лучших по данной теме. Что касается высокого рейтинга, то у меня есть только одно или точнее два объяснения тому, почему, будучи такой слабой, с научной точки зрения, книга имеет такой высокий рейтинга среди англоязычной аудитории. Книга не описывает социопатов с точки зрения психологии. Более того, книгу можно назвать антиподом классическим учебникам по психологии, таких как «Психология» и «Социальная психология» Дэвида Майерса, «Психология Лжи» Экмана, «Эффект Люцифера» и «Социальное влияние» Зимбардо и пр. Данная книга не призвана объяснять, она призвана, с точки зрения автора, помочь тем, кто считается, стал жертвой социопата.
Что странно, автор описывает жертв социопатов в таких же красках (или почти в таких же) как жертв сексуального насилия. Автор подходит к ним как к людям находящимся в очень тяжёлом психологическом состоянии. Состояние, которое возможно даже требует квалифицированной помощи. Именно такое возникает ощущение, когда читаешь книгу. Тут нужно сразу прояснить, что все о ком пишет автор, это люди, кто был влюблён в социопата. Т.е. тут мы не найдём иных людей, будь то коллеги, родители, друзья социопата. Это всегда только и исключительно только люди, с которыми разорвал любовные отношения социопат. И что интересно, все социопаты, по мнению автора, совершают один и тот же круг любовных отношений. Сначала они каким-то образом влюбляют в себя будущую жертву, потом поднимают её на вершины наслаждений, на пик любовных переживаний, а после резко опускают её на землю и потом медленно и методично втаптывают её в грязь. Далее, психологический шок. И эти действия повторяются с поразительной, согласно автору, механической точностью, без каких-либо вариаций, изменений. Спрашивается, наверняка у автора книги есть некое объяснение психологических мотивов? Ан нет, их нет. Автор ничего такого не пишет. Как я уже сказал, автор не будет ничего объяснять. Так есть и всё тут. Точка. Более того, не понятно, откуда именно такая схема поведения. Автор так же не приводит никаких доказательств в пользу своей схемы поведения социопата. Откуда именно такие сведения? Автор даже не ссылается на статистические данные своей собственной группы, людей которые приходят на его сайт за помощью, т.е. те, кто пострадал от действия социопата. Так как я никогда не был ни в каких отношениях с социопатом, и я никак от него не страдал, мне трудно понять этих людей. Может всё так, как пишет автор. Но откуда мы знаем, что эти люди пострадали именно от социопата? И почему социопаты любят действовать в отношении людей именно таким способом? Что за система у них в мозгу, а точнее в сознании, которая заставляет их действовать «все, как один»? Человек после болезненного разрыва вполне может объяснить сам себе, что он стал жертвой социопата просто потому, что в нормальной ситуации его не могли бросить. Такое возможно? Думаю, вполне. Так как книга не даёт абсолютно никаких ссылок на работы хоть каких-то психологов, хоть на какие-то эксперименты, цифры и пр. факты, нам трудно относится к этой книге как к научной работе.
Я читал много книг по психологии, в особенности толстые учебники, использующиеся в американских университетах и другую, менее толстую, но не менее серьёзную, литературу, однако я не могу вспомнить, чтобы я часто там встречал социопатов как явление. Единственная серьёзная книга, это «Лишённые совести», где эти люди представлены с ослабленными зеркальными нейронами. Возможно, этим объясняется, что они идут к своей цели, не учитывая этические и эмоциональные переживания других людей. С такой точки зрения вообще не понятно, почему автор описывает их именно так. Почему? Где доказательства именно такого поведения?

I wonder how such a book can earn such high ratings. In the West, a book has every reason to be named a bestseller. I have only one or two explanations for why the book, being so weak from a scientific point of view, has such a high rating among the English-speaking audience. The book does not describe sociopaths in terms of psychology. Moreover, the book can be called an antipode to classic psychology textbooks such as David G. Myers' "Psychology" and "Social Psychology", Paul Ekman's "Telling Lies", "The Lucifer Effect" and "The Psychology of Attitude Change and Social Influence" by Philip G. Zimbardo, among others. This book is not intended to explain, but, from the author's point of view, is intended to help those who are considered to have fallen victim to sociopath.
Strangely enough, the author describes victims of sociopaths in the same colours (or almost the same) as victims of sexual violence. The author treats them as people who are in a very difficult psychological state. A condition that may even require qualified assistance. This is exactly what it feels like when you read a book. Here it should be made clear that everything the author writes about is people who were in love with a sociopath. That is, here we will not find any other people, be they colleagues, parents, friends of a sociopath. These are always only people with whom the sociopath broke off a love relationship. And what is interesting is that all sociopaths, according to the author, commit the same circle of love relations. First, they somehow fall in love with their future victim, then raise her to the tops of pleasures, to the peak of love experiences, and then sharply lower her to the ground, and then slowly and methodically trample her into the mud. Then, psychological shock. And these actions are repeated with striking mechanical accuracy, according to the author, without any variations or changes. The question is, surely, the author of the book has some explanation of psychological motives? No. The author does not write anything like that. As I have already said, the author will not explain anything. Moreover, it is not clear where exactly this pattern of behavior comes from. The author also does not give any evidence in favor of his scheme of behavior of a sociopath. Where exactly did this information come from? The author does not even refer to the statistics of his own group, people who come to his site for help, i.e. those who suffered from the actions of a sociopath. Since I have never been in any relationship with a sociopath, and I have not suffered in any way from him, it is difficult for me to understand these people. Maybe it's the way the author writes. But how do we know that these people have suffered from a sociopath? And why do sociopaths like to act towards people in this way? What is the system in their brains, or rather in their minds, that makes them act "all as one"?
A person, after a painful breakup, may well explain to himself that he became a victim of a sociopath simply because in a normal situation he could not be abandoned. Is that possible? I think it's quite possible. Since the book makes absolutely no reference to the works of any psychologists, to any experiments, figures, etc., it is difficult for us to treat this book as a scientific work.
I've read a lot of books on psychology, especially the thicker textbooks used in American universities and other, less thicker, but no less serious literature, but I can't remember finding sociopaths there as a phenomenon.

[Becky Reed · Rating 5 out of 5]

The nightmare world of life with a psychopath finds voice in this marvelously knowledgeable work. During my own horrific ordeal where my idea of self was eviscerated as I struggled to work on a romantic relationship which forever morphed into varying shades of unreal moments, I found myself lost. Literally, “I was no more the one I used to be.”

Just as the author explains and delineates the route of a soul's terror, there is a tremendous sense of relief and genuine release from the reader's perspective. “It's not just me...something gut-wrenchingly terrible occurred.” Maupin wrote a fascinating piece called The Night Listener about a radio host who is pulled into a traumatic relationship based on lies and forever shifting sands of reality – all precipitating from his compassion and willingness to become involved to aid another. The feel of confusion so frighteningly colored in that novel well describes the world of the victim's consanguinity with a believed soul mate. Reason, logical applications, and normal connections ceased to exist viably in the twisted evil portrayed in a sychophantic dance with a psychopath.

This book gently and with sympathetic consciousness full of empathy for the anguish of victims, travels a course from A to B with all the emotional and spiritual stops along the way. The author shares from the site, Psychopath Free. The hopeful purpose of the writing is to alleviate that sense of being ruined and unable to find one's way that victims of psychopaths feel amidst the angst and chaos of constantly unstable actuality. It succeeds.

The body of this work includes “The Manufactured Soul Mate/ Personalized Grooming/Identity Erosion/The Grand Finale” and a freshly comprehensive Stages of Grief/ Devastation/Denial/Education & Self-Doubt/Understanding the Psychopath/Delayed Emotions/Complex PTSD/and the Loss of Innocence. A section I had never before considered, rang true for me, opening an understanding of my own experiences: the transitional target, characterized by the “sudden discard out of nowhere.”

There is hope...there is a process of healing and recovery...there is an understanding of summarized camaraderie of survivors...and there exists kindred spirit of comprehension of a horror that only those falling down this particular “rabbit hole” can utterly grasp. Psychopath Free is only one of many excellent sites where souls have connected to heal, share stories, reach for understanding and friendship. As the book closes, the author writes: “But above all, I love that adversity has introduced me to some of the most incredible human beings this world has to offer.”
~Becky Reed of Montana

[Jeainny · Rating 4 out of 5]

Two things this book did right:
1. Psychopath Free offered immense validation for the verbal abuse and gaslighting that I endured. If you are someone without access to a support system or a professional therapist, this is a good starting point (but not a replacement for professional help).

2. Detailed breakdown of manipulation tactics used by abusers - this helped me recognize how I had been manipulated. Knowing the how, I, for the most part, have stopped blaming myself for what happened and for staying in an abusive relationship.

Two things that were iffy:
1. Psychopath Free shows a strong bias against abusers and the resentment undermines the legitimacy of the lessons in this book. The author uses words like “pure evil” to describe psychopaths.

2. The book is repetitive and the latter half is mostly fluff. I didn’t care much for the part where he describes his conversations with the inner boy in order to heal. Is this a legitimate strategy? The author focuses so much on his own personal experience and I would’ve preferred a better researched book and see what’s worked for people in general.

I wanted to rate this book 3-stars, but I didn’t want to lower the average and deter potential victims from reading this book. I hope this book offers validation and a light at the end of the tunnel for people out there.

[Jess✧✵ · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was so hard but so self-affirming and valuable. I think this is a book that could be helpful for everyone, not just those in the recovery process, but it especially hit home for me.