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Agnes, We're Not Murderers!
Not yet published
Expected 16 Jun 26Lesbian vixens from another dead world thread through moon-drenched cornfields and opulent drawing rooms in this literary horror remix of iconic gothic sagas.
Agnes is wasting away. In a bed of velvet and silk, she dreams of death—and Mary.
Mary—a wraith with bloodstained gown and mouth—drips mystery and menace. She materializes beside a lake, beneath a pear tree, outside the window. She turns servants feral and plunges the manor into anarchy. Since her arrival, nothing is right. The maids snarl. The nights grow strange. Agnes swoons.
Her brother, Arthur, calls it a sickness. A curse. He stalks the halls with scissors in his fist. He wants purity and order. He’ll strike out the unintelligible. He is not the only one. Others have begun to stir—jilted lovers, disgraced doctors, moralists with sharpened knives. The disorder is spreading. It’s riotous. Contagious. They’ll purify the world in flame.
Written partially through footnotes and with a mystery of interwoven red text, Agnes, We’re Not Murderers! is an atmospheric gothic vampire journey for fans of Kathe Koja and Mark Z. Danielewski.
Agnes is wasting away. In a bed of velvet and silk, she dreams of death—and Mary.
Mary—a wraith with bloodstained gown and mouth—drips mystery and menace. She materializes beside a lake, beneath a pear tree, outside the window. She turns servants feral and plunges the manor into anarchy. Since her arrival, nothing is right. The maids snarl. The nights grow strange. Agnes swoons.
Her brother, Arthur, calls it a sickness. A curse. He stalks the halls with scissors in his fist. He wants purity and order. He’ll strike out the unintelligible. He is not the only one. Others have begun to stir—jilted lovers, disgraced doctors, moralists with sharpened knives. The disorder is spreading. It’s riotous. Contagious. They’ll purify the world in flame.
Written partially through footnotes and with a mystery of interwoven red text, Agnes, We’re Not Murderers! is an atmospheric gothic vampire journey for fans of Kathe Koja and Mark Z. Danielewski.
220 pages, Paperback
Expected publication June 16, 2026
6 people are currently reading
162 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 20 of 20 reviews
December 14, 2025
⭐️⭐️⭐️ (3 stars)
This book left me fascinated yet also incredibly confused.
I really liked the premise of the book and I was intrigued by the way the story was told.
Though the story excels at creating a real gothic atmosphere. It left me utterly confused about the storyline, so much so that I wouldn’t be able to sum up what happened if someone asked due to the fact that just SO many things happened which are, in part, all connected with each other. Besides, the way the book is written with the annotations was pretty confusing too especially having to switch back and forth between the pages. I think if I’d read this as a physical copy it might’ve been much better.
However, and I want to stress this, the story is certainly worth a read. Alone through the unique way it’s told and the way it easily creates this gothic atmosphere with a nod to the classics like Camilla or even the atmosphere of Northhanger Abbey.
A solid 3 stars from me.
Thank you to Netgalley and the publisher CLASH Book's for giving me a free copy of this book to review.
This book left me fascinated yet also incredibly confused.
I really liked the premise of the book and I was intrigued by the way the story was told.
Though the story excels at creating a real gothic atmosphere. It left me utterly confused about the storyline, so much so that I wouldn’t be able to sum up what happened if someone asked due to the fact that just SO many things happened which are, in part, all connected with each other. Besides, the way the book is written with the annotations was pretty confusing too especially having to switch back and forth between the pages. I think if I’d read this as a physical copy it might’ve been much better.
However, and I want to stress this, the story is certainly worth a read. Alone through the unique way it’s told and the way it easily creates this gothic atmosphere with a nod to the classics like Camilla or even the atmosphere of Northhanger Abbey.
A solid 3 stars from me.
Thank you to Netgalley and the publisher CLASH Book's for giving me a free copy of this book to review.
November 23, 2025
With a nod toward classics like Carmilla and Northanger Abbey, and weaving in footnotes almost like House of Leaves, Agnes, We’re Not Murders is a 3.5 stars rounded up to a 4.
Usually, books have a compelling plot with lackluster language. In this case, the language was superb with absolutely sparkling humor, but I struggled with the plot. I did start over at least once. I kept reading for the laughs even though I couldn’t be sure what was happening.
I’ve added the author’s other works to my TBR pile, because she is hilarious, although I’m not sure this was the book for me.
Thanks to NetGalley and Clash books for the advanced copy in exchange for my honest review.
Usually, books have a compelling plot with lackluster language. In this case, the language was superb with absolutely sparkling humor, but I struggled with the plot. I did start over at least once. I kept reading for the laughs even though I couldn’t be sure what was happening.
I’ve added the author’s other works to my TBR pile, because she is hilarious, although I’m not sure this was the book for me.
Thanks to NetGalley and Clash books for the advanced copy in exchange for my honest review.
November 12, 2025
What a fascinating and confusing read. I am befuddled and delighted.
This book drew me in with its premise and the abundance of footnotes, oh how I loved the footnotes. Unfortunately, without a physical copy to more easily swap to and from different places, I felt a little lost several times. But it's exciting! I want to grab a copy for the full release, so I can read through it again and collect the passages that go together, and write down who is where or when and what.
This, for me, is a book unlike any other I can remember reading in recent times, and I mean it. It's not terribly long but it captured me even more so for the time it held me. I think the best way to go about reading it is in one go, and then give yourself some rest and return to it anew. Maybe with a notebook at hand, to write things down. (It has also ignited my desire to start a commonplace book yet again..)
Thank you to Netgalley and the publisher for this ARC.
This book drew me in with its premise and the abundance of footnotes, oh how I loved the footnotes. Unfortunately, without a physical copy to more easily swap to and from different places, I felt a little lost several times. But it's exciting! I want to grab a copy for the full release, so I can read through it again and collect the passages that go together, and write down who is where or when and what.
This, for me, is a book unlike any other I can remember reading in recent times, and I mean it. It's not terribly long but it captured me even more so for the time it held me. I think the best way to go about reading it is in one go, and then give yourself some rest and return to it anew. Maybe with a notebook at hand, to write things down. (It has also ignited my desire to start a commonplace book yet again..)
Thank you to Netgalley and the publisher for this ARC.
December 7, 2025
I couldn't get into this at all - it was sentences jumbled together with no rhyme or reason. I normally love a narrator with personal footnotes but these ones were just silly and excessive with telling me "who is Clara? See page 138," and "see page 67 for more fog," and the like over and over.
Perhaps it reads better in paperback but for ebook it was too confusing to attempt to go on.
Thank you to CLASH Books and Netgalley for the ARC.
Perhaps it reads better in paperback but for ebook it was too confusing to attempt to go on.
Thank you to CLASH Books and Netgalley for the ARC.
Review of advance copy received from Netgalley
It is rare to find a unique story, and rarer still to find a unique format for storytelling. This book gives us a taste of both. Jessica Alexander’s ability to tell two mirroring yet vastly differing stories at the same time through footnotes is a remarkable novelty.
The dry wit and humour in the footnotes are a definite highlight of Agnes, We’re Not Murderers. Reminiscent of Pratchett, the stark feminist musings are a breath of fresh air. Particularly the dinner conversation around Lolita. While the sapphic romantic undertones are not as rich in other gothic novels of the genre, this is a fresher take on your typical Carmilla retelling.
This book is refreshing and doesn’t take itself too seriously. If you are looking for a wild ride into the gothic and horrifying, this is a great place to start!
The author’s language does at times veer into purple prose. Although lyrical and rich in atmospheric depth befitting a gothic horror, we never really get to enjoy a proper introduction to any of our main cast. This is largely due to the non-linear footnoted format the author has chosen to pioneer. Due to the constant back and forth between main story and footnotes, as well as the different text colours, readers face multiple distractions. This may not be accessible to everyone, but for those looking for something different there’s nothing else like it on the market.
The pacing felt rushed and inconsistent in places. I only really found my footing after a second read. Though this can be intentional in thrillers to keep the reader guessing, it should never come at the detriment of characterisation. For readers with physical copies, I recommend Post-it notes and your favourite highlighter to get the most out of your initial read!
The dry wit and humour in the footnotes are a definite highlight of Agnes, We’re Not Murderers. Reminiscent of Pratchett, the stark feminist musings are a breath of fresh air. Particularly the dinner conversation around Lolita. While the sapphic romantic undertones are not as rich in other gothic novels of the genre, this is a fresher take on your typical Carmilla retelling.
This book is refreshing and doesn’t take itself too seriously. If you are looking for a wild ride into the gothic and horrifying, this is a great place to start!
The author’s language does at times veer into purple prose. Although lyrical and rich in atmospheric depth befitting a gothic horror, we never really get to enjoy a proper introduction to any of our main cast. This is largely due to the non-linear footnoted format the author has chosen to pioneer. Due to the constant back and forth between main story and footnotes, as well as the different text colours, readers face multiple distractions. This may not be accessible to everyone, but for those looking for something different there’s nothing else like it on the market.
The pacing felt rushed and inconsistent in places. I only really found my footing after a second read. Though this can be intentional in thrillers to keep the reader guessing, it should never come at the detriment of characterisation. For readers with physical copies, I recommend Post-it notes and your favourite highlighter to get the most out of your initial read!
Read
December 21, 2025This novel had all the ingredients of a book I should have loved—most notably, its themes and structural resemblance to not one but two (!) of my all-time favorites, Carmilla and House of Leaves. Sadly, that very resemblance was precisely what made comparison to its predecessors almost unavoidable.
As much as I enjoy being pleasantly confused by a narrative, I love even more the experience of a plot that slowly unfolds, allowing me to piece things together as I go. In House of Leaves, the footnotes functioned as clues, satire, or even a well-placed wink to the reader; they weren’t frustrating so much as motivating, pushing us further to uncover the mystery. Here, however, we are dropped into a setting we know nothing about, with characters we have not yet had reason to care for, and footnotes that point to other pages, often seemingly just for the sake of it.
That said, there is much I genuinely appreciated. The prose, for one, is astonishing. Even though I didn’t connect with the story or its characters, reading it was a pleasure in itself, and that alone is a strong indicator of the author’s talent. Some of the dialogue is truly beautiful, and some moments are downright hilarious. I often found myself laughing out loud at the scattered footnotes about the (fictional) author and her real-life experiences.
All in all, I would like to read more by Jessica Alexander, but perhaps in a novel that feels more distinctly her own, and without the weight of other stories hovering so closely in comparison.
As much as I enjoy being pleasantly confused by a narrative, I love even more the experience of a plot that slowly unfolds, allowing me to piece things together as I go. In House of Leaves, the footnotes functioned as clues, satire, or even a well-placed wink to the reader; they weren’t frustrating so much as motivating, pushing us further to uncover the mystery. Here, however, we are dropped into a setting we know nothing about, with characters we have not yet had reason to care for, and footnotes that point to other pages, often seemingly just for the sake of it.
That said, there is much I genuinely appreciated. The prose, for one, is astonishing. Even though I didn’t connect with the story or its characters, reading it was a pleasure in itself, and that alone is a strong indicator of the author’s talent. Some of the dialogue is truly beautiful, and some moments are downright hilarious. I often found myself laughing out loud at the scattered footnotes about the (fictional) author and her real-life experiences.
All in all, I would like to read more by Jessica Alexander, but perhaps in a novel that feels more distinctly her own, and without the weight of other stories hovering so closely in comparison.
dnf-on-hold
January 10, 2026Tragically, a disappointing read, but like Britney Spears, I choose my own destiny.
I read /forced myself to read roughly 75% of it, so I will still write a quick review of my thoughts:
- First of all, the formatting is an absolute nightmare on a digital device.
- The writing is sadly a nightmare as well. It feels like Miss Alexander got a Thesaurus gifted for her birthday and now wants to show off. Yes, the prose is eloquent, but in a way that feels disingenuous.
- The pacing of the story is confusing, and I tried (trust me) to follow along. Even after 170 pages, after going back and forth, even re-reading certain chapters, I still have no idea who is who and why I should care for any of these characters.
- The story wants too much. I do appreciate that this novel is not your average run-of-the-mill book, but it runs into a problem that a lot of the new-age/lit fic books like "Woman Eating" before it stumble upon: it wants too much. As a reader, I am being presented with a gothic horror novel, a literary version of the author in the footnotes, there's discussion about death, dating men and literary essays on gothic novels/movies, so on and on. The main problem is that it doesn't go into anything in-depth. "Agnes, We're Not Murderers!" dips its toes into so many ideas that, in my mind, it lost track of what it wants to be.
I read /forced myself to read roughly 75% of it, so I will still write a quick review of my thoughts:
- First of all, the formatting is an absolute nightmare on a digital device.
- The writing is sadly a nightmare as well. It feels like Miss Alexander got a Thesaurus gifted for her birthday and now wants to show off. Yes, the prose is eloquent, but in a way that feels disingenuous.
- The pacing of the story is confusing, and I tried (trust me) to follow along. Even after 170 pages, after going back and forth, even re-reading certain chapters, I still have no idea who is who and why I should care for any of these characters.
- The story wants too much. I do appreciate that this novel is not your average run-of-the-mill book, but it runs into a problem that a lot of the new-age/lit fic books like "Woman Eating" before it stumble upon: it wants too much. As a reader, I am being presented with a gothic horror novel, a literary version of the author in the footnotes, there's discussion about death, dating men and literary essays on gothic novels/movies, so on and on. The main problem is that it doesn't go into anything in-depth. "Agnes, We're Not Murderers!" dips its toes into so many ideas that, in my mind, it lost track of what it wants to be.
November 8, 2025
felt like drowning in velvet while a lesbian ghost whispered poetry in my ear. genuinely no clue what happened, but i had a great time. it’s giving carmilla if she got really into literary theory and footnotes. i was confused 90% of the time and obsessed 100%. the prose? too beautiful. like lost in the sentences and maybe the afterlife levels of beautiful. the red text and footnotes made it feel like the book itself was haunted, which, honestly, should be the standard for all gothic lit from now on. the characters were more like moods wearing gowns, and i kind of loved that. agnes was dissolving into emotion, mary was like if desire itself became a ghost, and arthur was just out here having a toxic masculinity meltdown in real time. couldn’t tell you the plot if my life depended on it, but it could only be felt. left the book dazed, enchanted, and slightly possessed.
so yeah. confusing, hypnotic, and gorgeously written. no thoughts, only blood, sapphics, and literary decay.
thank you netgalley & the publisher for the arc.
so yeah. confusing, hypnotic, and gorgeously written. no thoughts, only blood, sapphics, and literary decay.
thank you netgalley & the publisher for the arc.
November 10, 2025
3.5 rounded up
I really do not know what I just read. I was delighted and fascinated by the red text and the footnotes, but did I know what any of it meant? No. This really is surreal in a way that I don't really enjoy, if it hadn't been for the footnotes and the humor I'd have rated this way lower. And I do think it's possible to understand the plot of this book, as confusing as it is, but you need to write yourself some notes (which I didn't do) and you need to have a physical copy of the book so you can flip around to different pages and remind yourself of certain people and events. This book doesn't want to give the plot to you, it wants you to work for it and I do love that idea, it's just hard to enjoy in a digital format.
I would say read this if you feel intimidated by House of Leaves but still want to have your brain broken by baffling footnotes.
Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for a free eARC in exchange for an honest review.
I really do not know what I just read. I was delighted and fascinated by the red text and the footnotes, but did I know what any of it meant? No. This really is surreal in a way that I don't really enjoy, if it hadn't been for the footnotes and the humor I'd have rated this way lower. And I do think it's possible to understand the plot of this book, as confusing as it is, but you need to write yourself some notes (which I didn't do) and you need to have a physical copy of the book so you can flip around to different pages and remind yourself of certain people and events. This book doesn't want to give the plot to you, it wants you to work for it and I do love that idea, it's just hard to enjoy in a digital format.
I would say read this if you feel intimidated by House of Leaves but still want to have your brain broken by baffling footnotes.
Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for a free eARC in exchange for an honest review.
November 21, 2025
If you asked me what this novel is about, I'd be unable to give a satisfactory answer simply because I have no idea what the plot is. There were moments while reading when I thought, “Ah, I finally see where this is going,” but I was mistaken every time. While I enjoy novels that have a nonlinear narrative, I found that in this case, the mechanism was overly complicated, leaving me unable to follow the action or the characters' identities. That said, the gothic atmosphere is immaculate. It could easily be a contemporary of Carmilla. The footnote system is very innovative, though it occasionally became confusing.
To sum up, it had the potential to be a great gothic vampire novel, but I finished it without understanding what had happened within the narrative.
To sum up, it had the potential to be a great gothic vampire novel, but I finished it without understanding what had happened within the narrative.
Read
December 20, 2025I’m going to leave this one unrated for now, not because I didn’t enjoy it, but because reading it via e-book was confusing and I definitely was not getting the full experience. The plot revolves, as the synopsis states, around “lesbian vixens from another dead world…in this literary horror remix of iconic gothic sagas,” which sounds super up my alley. Sapphic and gothic are two of my buzzwords. The formatting was frustrating via e-book because so much of this story is told via footnotes and I was constantly having to switch back and forth on my e-reader, which led to confusion and uneven pacing. I feel like this will be 4 or 5 stars once I’m able to get a physical copy and then I’ll give a more accurate review. Stay tuned for June, yeah?
Review of advance copy received from Netgalley
Im not quite sure where to start with this review. I really struggled with this book. I was excited and intrigued by the premise and description, however the writing style made my head hurt and was extremely confusing.
The footnotes (if I had followed them) would have had me going back and forth between pages, almost like a "choose your own adventure " book.
I felt like there was a plot there, but it was so deeply buried in lines of words that made no sense, that it was almost invisible.
I was disappointed as I wanted to like this book. Thank you to Netgalley, the publishers and the author for this eARC in exchange for an honest review.
The footnotes (if I had followed them) would have had me going back and forth between pages, almost like a "choose your own adventure " book.
I felt like there was a plot there, but it was so deeply buried in lines of words that made no sense, that it was almost invisible.
I was disappointed as I wanted to like this book. Thank you to Netgalley, the publishers and the author for this eARC in exchange for an honest review.
November 25, 2025
3.5⭐️ rounded up
Genuinely the most confusing read I've read in a long time. I think it would've been better if it was a physical book instead of an e-book, because I couldn't be bothered to flip between pages of a PDF.
The story, despite being unable to follow most of it, was absolutely captivating and the vibes were set perfectly. It's written so beautifully.
I'm considering buying a physical copy when this releases to give it a re-read, and maybe understand it a bit better.
Thank you Netgalley and the publishers for the ARC of this book!
Genuinely the most confusing read I've read in a long time. I think it would've been better if it was a physical book instead of an e-book, because I couldn't be bothered to flip between pages of a PDF.
The story, despite being unable to follow most of it, was absolutely captivating and the vibes were set perfectly. It's written so beautifully.
I'm considering buying a physical copy when this releases to give it a re-read, and maybe understand it a bit better.
Thank you Netgalley and the publishers for the ARC of this book!
January 8, 2026
I give this book 3/5 stars. It definitely had the gothic horror vibe that I love. The best and worst thing about the book is the footnotes. At the beginning of the book they are almost overwhelming, as they start on page 1 and don’t stop. They direct you to other pages later on in the story before you even have a chance to get immersed in what you’re reading. It made me put the book down for awhile and take a break. Later on in the book I find them funny and very helpful to put the pieces of the story together. Overall I enjoyed the writing style, story, and quirkiness of the characters.
November 24, 2025
3.5 round up to 4
If i was to explain the plot I think I would have the hardest time but even if the story is confusing and quite delicate to follow it is so beautifully confusing. It's sharp, clever and emotional at times.
The footnote system is innovative and so refreshing but not that enjoyable as an ebook. Maybe it added to the confusion as well cause it's hard to juggle between them.
The gothic atmosphere is top notch and bloody lesbian vampires is always a hit.
If i was to explain the plot I think I would have the hardest time but even if the story is confusing and quite delicate to follow it is so beautifully confusing. It's sharp, clever and emotional at times.
The footnote system is innovative and so refreshing but not that enjoyable as an ebook. Maybe it added to the confusion as well cause it's hard to juggle between them.
The gothic atmosphere is top notch and bloody lesbian vampires is always a hit.
December 10, 2025
Though I quite enjoyed this book in the beginning, it fell flat in the end for me.
I did not understand what was happening for most of the book, but thought in the end all would make sense. Sadly, it did not. The use of footnotes was fun, but sometimes perhaps a bit much ? I did however enjoy the atmosphere of the story.
All in all, this book felt pretty confusing to me.
Thanks to NetGalley and Clash Books for the ARC.
I did not understand what was happening for most of the book, but thought in the end all would make sense. Sadly, it did not. The use of footnotes was fun, but sometimes perhaps a bit much ? I did however enjoy the atmosphere of the story.
All in all, this book felt pretty confusing to me.
Thanks to NetGalley and Clash Books for the ARC.
December 30, 2025
1⭐️
The writing is extremely juvenile it feels like it was written by a child
The annotations also made it annoying to read and having to constantly flip to other pages with a digital copy was very very annoying and made it near impossible to read
The premise is good but the execution not so great it feels all over the place and u can’t really get a grasp on the plot because the writing makes no sense
Thank you Netgalley and CLASH books for the digital arc
The writing is extremely juvenile it feels like it was written by a child
The annotations also made it annoying to read and having to constantly flip to other pages with a digital copy was very very annoying and made it near impossible to read
The premise is good but the execution not so great it feels all over the place and u can’t really get a grasp on the plot because the writing makes no sense
Thank you Netgalley and CLASH books for the digital arc
Review of advance copy received from Netgalley
The book is confusing and lacks a clear storyline. It is told from a perspective that is not clear to me and I constantly wonder if I'm reading a thesis or a work of fiction. Sine it's not the first book by this author, I wonder how her other books are; if they are just as confusing as this one
abandoned
November 30, 2025Ja się czuje jakby ta książka była napisana po chińsku a to było tylko 30 stron
December 28, 2025
This novel is the love child of Carmilla and House of Leaves. It’s strange, confusing, and disturbing. I loved how you jump right in and are immediately trying to piece the story together. It definitely took me a minute to understand who each character was and how the timeline fit together. It’s quite experimental, and I think it will be very hit or miss for readers due to its format. That said, I found it to be a very refreshing read.
I did find myself wanting a little more from the story as a whole. I think that would have elevated it to a five-star read for me, but overall, I still found this to be a fascinating take on a Carmilla-esque tale.
There’s a great amount of clues and satire that I’m sure I’d pick up on during a second read. I love that it’s the kind of novel that can offer different interpretations upon rereading. I’m definitely intrigued to check out more of Jessica Alexander’s other releases and curious to see what she comes up with next.
Thank you Netgalley and CLASH Books for an ARC of Agnes, We’re Not Murderers! in exchange for a fair and honest review.
I did find myself wanting a little more from the story as a whole. I think that would have elevated it to a five-star read for me, but overall, I still found this to be a fascinating take on a Carmilla-esque tale.
There’s a great amount of clues and satire that I’m sure I’d pick up on during a second read. I love that it’s the kind of novel that can offer different interpretations upon rereading. I’m definitely intrigued to check out more of Jessica Alexander’s other releases and curious to see what she comes up with next.
Thank you Netgalley and CLASH Books for an ARC of Agnes, We’re Not Murderers! in exchange for a fair and honest review.
Displaying 1 - 20 of 20 reviews