我碎裂的父親

by Nathaniel Lachenmeyer, 楊語芸 (Translator)

「他努力維持我熟悉的父親形象，
同時在黑暗的陰影中掙扎求生……」
───── 精神疾病書寫史上，極致動人的經典之作 ─────
一個頂尖知識分子，何以走向碎裂潦倒的結局？
因恐懼而背棄父親的獨子，因理解而走進父親的人生。

▎他曾在瘋狂的邊緣奮力掙扎，努力融入社會。
▎我必須了解，我的父親，
▎我兒時的探險夥伴、我曾最想成為的對象──
▎怎麼會變成世界上最讓我害怕的人。

「父親死前那年，唯一能與人交談的機會，
就是在長椅上與陌生人比鄰而坐。只有這時，
現實世界才能與他腦中不斷嘶吼的聲音相抗衡。」

查爾斯曾是一名教授，一個聰明自信、前途光明的社會學者，直到妄想與幻覺侵吞他的理智，人生瞬間失序。
思覺失調症奪走查爾斯的教職、婚姻與獨子，他在零下低溫中流落街頭，數次被強制送入精神病房，因行乞、吃霸王餐被送上法庭。但在一連串的打擊中，他未曾放棄求生、忘記對人性的希望。
作者大量探訪曾與查爾斯接觸的人們，包含員警、街友、學生時期的教授與同學，也調閱法庭審訊紀錄與病歷報告，以節制動人的文字拼湊、還原父親的一生。這本書，是一個兒子試圖靠近早在死亡來臨前就已被疾病奪走的父親，也更從家屬角&#

Genres: Nonfiction, Psychology, Memoir, Biography, Biography Memoir, School

199 pages, Kindle Edition

First published January 1, 2000

Reviews

[David · Rating 3 out of 5]

A man goes from being a professor to being homeless and dying alone and forgotten, abandoned in a dingy apartment. A very sad story of a brilliant man's struggle with insanity, which ultimately led to his early demise. If you are interested in mental illness, particularly schizophrenia, this is a must read.

[Brig]

Well, I tried to read this book a couple of times. I hate to say it was uninteresting, slow, and so my attention went elsewhere while reading... I can understand (on the surface only, because this book was not well written) that the Author went through a very tough time as a child/adult with a Father that had left him because the Father suffered from Schizophrenia, but getting the emotional depth of it all across to the reader (me) was completely lost after the first two chapters. I didn't want to hear about the Father's accomplishments over and over. It was/is sad that such an accomplished man came to have such a serious Mental Illness, but then to downplay the Mental Illness itself made the book fall flat. It seemed as if the Author was asking questions to find out the reason "Why?" his Father had Schizophrenia. Sometimes the answer, whether we like it or not, is just "BECAUSE". I could feel for the Author a bit, but didn't feel for the person who this Mental Illness was actually happening to, he was spiraling down into madness, yet I didn't want to go along for the ride... :( 2 Stars

[Deborah Foster · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a daughter of a man with schizoaffective disorder, I found this book very compelling. My family's story is not the same as his, but many of the experiences of mental illness in the family are explored. I really liked the book for what I suppose were personal reasons. It also helps explain how people end up homeless.

[Elsimom · Rating 3 out of 5]

Son of schizophrenic father retraces his father’s steps and delusions after the father’s death. Gives a very interesting glimpse into the challenges faced by the mentally ill and homeless. However, the group felt that critical pieces of the story were missing. Worth considering.

[Mary Catherine · Rating 5 out of 5]

Read this in college and it's stuck with me ever since. A fascinating exploration about the link between homelessness and schizophrenia.

[Karen Prive · Rating 5 out of 5]

The Outsider follows Nathaniel Lachenmeyer's journey as he reacquaints himself with his estranged father, after his death. Charles Lachenmeyer was a gifted intellectual, a sociology professor expected to contribute greatly to his field. He was a beloved husband and father. After a descent into madness, however, Charles loses everything - his family, career, his freedom, his housing, and eventually his life. Schizophrenia stole everything from him.

When Nathaniel learned of his father's death - alone in a studio apartment in Burlington, Vermont - he'd not spoken to the man in decades. Charles' path was harsh and heartbreaking. Yet Nathaniel writes from an emotionally detached place, not giving us much of a glimpse into his own heart. This is much more about Charles.

I have to say, personally this was a very deep story to read. Having lived in many of the same communities as Charles, including being homeless in Burlington in the same era as he was, and having struggled with mental illness (although not schizophrenia), there was so much to resonate with regarding Charles' story. Mine was not as harsh, but the reasoning of a man with delusional thoughts is not much different than of a young woman with her own - albeit different - madness.

The story left me grateful for the help I've had in my life. But also wondering why Nathaniel shared so little of his own heart. He writes as a reporter, not a son. I wonder if it might have been a more powerful book had he shared more of his experience as Charles' son, rather than as tribute to his father. Perhaps not.

The story is tragic, but Charles never gave up. There are lessons to learn from this story.

[Jessica Hollister]

I don’t read nonfiction typically so it’s hard to give a review because it’s someone’s *life*. The man wrote about his father’s journey with schizophrenia and it was v interesting, and I learned a lot about the effects of developing schizophrenia. I don’t know anyone I’m aware of having this diagnosis so it was informative. Keeps it in my mind that I need to pick new words in place of “crazy” and “insane”. I don’t think I can give it a rating! That seems unfair

[Mary Murphy · Rating 5 out of 5]

This touched, and broke my heart, in so many ways. I have a son with schizophrenia and it has been a heartbreaking journey. His delusions are so similar to your father's. He also is writing a book that will make him millions. He was, is so incredibly smart and such a caring soul, when his illness does not consume his mind. Thank you for sharing your journey with your dear father. As a mother who has watched her son go down this path, most appreciated.

[Raina · Rating 5 out of 5]

“No matter how adverse the circumstances — and mine have been adverse — there is never any reason to give up.”

[Sheila Karr · Rating 3 out of 5]

The story was very compelling. Too much about the father's sociology writing. Would have been so interesting to hear mother's take.

[Heather]

Meh. Memoir about a dude whose dad was schizophrenic. Should be right up my alley. Somehow got a little more clinical and theoretical and less "this was my experience." Mostly because his parents got divorced when he was young and he had very little personal interaction with him afterwards (for understandable reasons). So the book is more about a discovery/theorizing about what his dad was look and a launching point to analyze things about mental illness and how that works in the world, and symbols of things like, "oh those scary homeless people you see." Which is fine, but I want what it's like from the inside, and when I found myself skimming big chunks I decided it was put it down time. Ah well.

[Carol · Rating 2 out of 5]

Definitely held my interest for awhile. A book to read in bed because I could put it down. What a tragedy for a family. So, was the cause of his father's schizophrenia the double bind? It probably exaserbatd his issues, but isn't schizophrenia genetic or at least organic in origin?

With 1/3 of all homeless being mentally ill, he brings up an excellent point in why more research is not done in this area.

Does this author write as part of his need to understand his father as well as his guilt? I would think he is also looking for the genetic component in himself.

[Giang Le · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this book purposely after watching A beautiful mind (maybe a little too late?) The take-home messages were clear: we're passing by a perhaps bigger than we know (and care to know) population suffering from mental illness, without rightfully acknowledging that they are or used to be among us, with their own stories to be told. The best thought we could afford when we see a homeless talking to him/herself on the street might be "He/she is mad." Madness is a label and if we're satisfied with labelling people that way we explore and understand them no further

[Reina · Rating 3 out of 5]

Well I'm finally done with the book after I took a break from reading it for a month. I never know a lot about schizophrenia, but after reading this book I feel like I have a lot more comprehensive idea of what its like to be affected by schizophrenia. Whether you're the one diagnosed, a relative or child, or someone who encounters them on the street, or are in the legal or mental health care system.

[Maria · Rating 4 out of 5]

This memoir both shocks, and also has lighter moments that are funny, and LOL. The memoir is of 2 dysfunctional families. The hole in the roof moments is the best bit about he whole memoir. Letting your kids free, and be free spirited. It shows how adult madness and dispair affects children, and how some parents deal with their own issues.

[Mark · Rating 4 out of 5]

A memoir about a son's investigation into his father's downfall due to paranoid schizophrenia. A poignant look at the travails of the mentally ill in this country that made me think twice on subfreezing winter nights when I get to go inside a nice warm home.

[Jeany Lin · Rating 5 out of 5]

果然看起來還是蠻沈重的啊。

這本書從一開始作者收到通知，父親心臟病發，在一個廉價公寓去世。然後才輾轉發現原來父親成為街頭遊民，並開始試圖拼湊父母離婚後，父親的人生軌跡。

大部分的時候，作者敘事極度冷靜克制，所以這本書讀起來似乎更像報導文學。

其中講到法定監護人因為想要讓他的父親查爾斯回去就醫/收容機構，因此限制了社會安全金，乃至於查爾斯最終無法付出租金而流落街頭，哎。

其中提到的大型收容機構在1960-80的去機構化後紛紛關閉，導致許多最後流落街頭⋯

時至今日，距離本書原文出版的時間已經過了25年，遊民的問題是更加惡化了。哎。

[Lorie Kleiner Eckert · Rating 5 out of 5]

A wrenching true story.

[Catherine · Rating 5 out of 5]

Gives you an entirely new outlook on the life of people with mental illness, and makes you thankful for what you have!!

[Kris · Rating 4 out of 5]

Interesting retelling of a fathers struggle with mental illness

[Jim · Rating 5 out of 5]

dad is a sociology prof at a university. then he slowly loses his mind, his family and his life. written by his estranged son who wonders "what happened?" powerful. good explanation of craziness.

[Keeya · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book honestly tugged at my heart.