Raising Children Who Think for Themselves

by Elisa Medhus

Raising Children Who Think for Themselves, by Elisa Medhus, M.D., is the proud recipient of three highly prestigious The 2002 Parent's Choice Award, The NAPPA Gold Award (National Parenting Publications Association,) and the National Parenting Center Seal of Approval.

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Psychology, Childrens, Education

291 pages, Hardcover

First published May 10, 2001

About the author

Dr. Elisa Medhus is a family physician with over twenty years experience dealing with the issues that today’s families face. Although she retired from medicine to homeschool and be a full time mother to her children, she still has a large following of former patients who frequently call or drop by her home for medical advice, comfort or help. She has a gift for communicating with others, making them feel comfortable and sensing their emotional, physical and spiritual needs.

Being a mother of five children, (Kristina, Michelle, Erik, Lukas, and Annika) and wife to Rune, Dr. Medhus is uniquely suited to discuss issues concerning parents. In Raising Children Who Think for Themselves, her passion to change the world for the better by teaching children how to make self-directed choices is palpable, sincere and deep. Her work has been featured on national broadcast and print outlets including Good Morning America, The Houston Chronicle, a Seattle morning show, The Houston Post. She resides in Houston, Texas with her husband, her five children, their three dogs, and other transients from the plant and animal worlds.

Reviews

[Ver · Rating 4 out of 5]

I like the logical explanation of the authors that simply shouting and getting angry with a child is not a good solution. We need to understand that children require more explanation and strict actions. I completely agree with that. However, some of the example conversations were amusing thinking you can have a reasonable discussion with an angry teenager.

[claire · Rating 1 out of 5]

I don’t care but thanks for torturing me LAVC

[L · Rating 3 out of 5]

In a large way, the advice in this book is the same as a certain chapter in Nurtureshock: praise a child's actions. I agree with that. I like that it logically follows that the child will become internally motivated and less influenced by external sources. But I didn't feel like any of this information was new. I suppose if I'd read this book before Nurtureshock I'd feel differently.

I had a few problems with the book:
1. Family activities involving the use of those ESP cards and activities to encourage "intuition" is flat-out crazy.
2. Wanting to eliminate competitive games is crazy. There are no "Miss Americas," there is only "Miss America." In the real world we deal with competition and not everyone can win. Way to set your child up for disappointment, Medhus.
3. Not telling your child she's pretty. I have the most beautiful girls in the world, so it's a little difficult not to let it slip when we're cuddling.

I very much liked her distinction between discipline and punishment. I think all parents should read that. There's some great advice tucked away in these pages but I don't know how practical it is to rationalize with my 3-year old by giving her a series of questions to answer.

Three and a half stars.

[Mary · Rating 3 out of 5]

It is so hard to raise kids to think for themselves and trust their own judgement instead of our culture. This book is for anybody who is a parent, plans on being a parent, or who wonders why they let external factors or other people influence their decisions.
Lots of tips and specific phrases to use instead of the standard parent babble we all know and grew up with.

[Sarah · Rating 3 out of 5]

Despite not having any children of my own I felt this book had a lot to contribute. It revealed some interesting things about human interaction in general that anyone could benefit from. I will definitely pull it off the shelves again if I am ever raising children.

[Tiffany Buckendahl · Rating 3 out of 5]

It's hard to be a parent these days. This book helps parents think deeply about what they want their children to become. It also offers behavioral strategies that are applicable to any age.

[Catherine · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoyed this book and recommend it to help parents create an internal dialogue for their children.

[Denise · Rating 5 out of 5]

outstanding for parenting

[Bridget · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was excellent. If only I implemented everything I learned in here, I'd be the perfect parent.

[Alice · Rating 5 out of 5]

A great handbook for ALL parents! A must read if you want to avoid common mistakes our parents made. I am really learning a lot from this one.

[Heather · Rating 5 out of 5]

A great book to keep for reference.

[Kathy Erskine · Rating 5 out of 5]

Yes, yes, yes!

[Julia Baker · Rating 5 out of 5]

I like the references given to guiding children to be more self-directed by practicing internal dialogue rather then external dialogue. If we can parent in a way that our children can think for themselves, our children can avoid some of the many external pitfalls that society places on them. I didn’t agree with some of her personal opinions about global warming and littering and thought they were premature at best and weren’t based on facts. I think she was playing devil’s advocate on some points of discipline to give us wiggle room to pick our battles fairly, as our children aren’t expected to be perfect when they are learning as much as their maturity and intelligence allows them to do for their age. I do believe it is important to guide children rather then control their behaviors so they are capable of learning from their mistakes and eventually thinking for themselves.

[Kristina · Rating 5 out of 5]

Outstanding parenting book. Instead of raising children who are externally directed (by what other people think, by the media, by conforming to social peer pressures like drinking, smoking, drugs, etc), Dr. Medhus is an expert at showing you how to easily incorporate small changes that will revolutionize your parenting skills and create an environment that allows your child to blossom. A bit heavier than her later books, but still a classic that any parent MUST have on their shelves. This is right up there with "What to Expect When You're Expecting". And Dr. Medhus I believe even authored an award-winning parenting/pregnancy software back in the 90s called "Ready-Set-Grow!" if anyone remembers that...she's a genius.

[Sheri · Rating 2 out of 5]

Perhaps I just had really amazing parents, but I didn't find this book to be especially novel. Essentially the author cautions parents not to criticize and compare their children, but to instill strong morals/values and confidence in their children so that kids grow up knowing what is right and having the gumption to actually follow their conscience even in difficult situations.

The second half of this work is intended as reference for a broad range of situations, guiding parents to consider motives of children acting out in various ways and presenting guidelines for consequences and correction. Since the concepts are the same, the precise applications ended up being rather repetitive.

[Eliot · Rating 5 out of 5]

Useful book about the importance of helping kids develop internal direction and motivation. Also covers the negative side effects of good intentioned parenting such as helicoptering, dictating and ill conceived reward systems.

Plenty of actionable advice and "do's" and "don'ts" although, in my own experience, some of the tactics are not entirely easy to apply because of my ingrained habits as a parent. That said much of it is about the way you speak to your kids and it all makes sense - I would recommend this book to parents of young kids and preteens.

[NTE · Rating 4 out of 5]

Made me really think about how I interact with the children in my life. Wrote about it on my blog , if you're interested.

[Dawn]

Honestly I did not finish this book. I did agree with some of it, but the author was really writing to traditional life style parents. I could not keep relating to her examples of school and what she assumed to be everyone's life.

[Camille Kanofsky · Rating 4 out of 5]

A little long winded, and like any parenting book, I am not on the wagon with everything. The middle and end have some very useful questions for starting cinversations with kids. there are also many useful examples in the back. These practical things are the nuggets in this book for me.

[Wynne · Rating 2 out of 5]

Intriguingly, seems to suggest to parents how to raise children in a manner that the author considers ideal, rather than how parents and children can think for themselves. I was disappointed with much of it for this reason.

[Linsey · Rating 3 out of 5]

I'm still trying.

[Maryann · Rating 5 out of 5]

I would recommend this book - it has some great advice!

[Vjmaholtra · Rating 1 out of 5]

Namanya juga belajar... punya anak...??? Aduh, pusing deh..

[Cherise Crawford-Cotter · Rating 5 out of 5]

Every parent needs this one.

[E]

This looked like a really good book, and then I just never got around to reading it. We kept moving it from house to house and I would pull it out, but it would sit around. I'm not sure what the trouble was. I think I finally gave it away.