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Whatever... Love is Love: Questioning the Labels We Give Ourselves
Actress and activist Maria Bello made waves with her essay, “Coming Out as a Modern Family,” in the New York Times popular “Modern Love” column, in which she recalled telling her son that she had fallen in love with her best friend, a woman—and her relief at his easy and immediate acceptance with the phrase “Whatever Mom, love is love. She made a compelling argument about the fluidity of partnerships, and how families today come in a myriad of designs.
In her first book, Bello broadens her insights as she examines the idea of partnership in every woman’s life, and her own. She examines the myths that so many of us believe about partnership—that the partnership begins when the sex begins, that partnerships are static, that you have to love yourself before you can be loved, and turns them on their heads. Bello explores how many different relationships—romantic, platonic, spiritual, familial, educational—helped define her life. She encourages women to realize that the only labels we have are the ones we put on ourselves, and the best, happiest partnerships are the ones that make your life better, even if they don’t fit the mold of “typical.”
Throughout this powerful and engaging read, Bello shares intimate stories and lessons on how she has come to discover her happiest self, accept who she is, and live honestly and freely, and tells the stories of those who came to her after her Times’ columns, grateful that someone gave voice to their life choices.
Love is Love is not a memoir about an actress. It is a frank, raw, and honest book about the way every woman questions the roles she plays in love, work, and life, filled with wisdom, questions, and insights relevant to us all.
In her first book, Bello broadens her insights as she examines the idea of partnership in every woman’s life, and her own. She examines the myths that so many of us believe about partnership—that the partnership begins when the sex begins, that partnerships are static, that you have to love yourself before you can be loved, and turns them on their heads. Bello explores how many different relationships—romantic, platonic, spiritual, familial, educational—helped define her life. She encourages women to realize that the only labels we have are the ones we put on ourselves, and the best, happiest partnerships are the ones that make your life better, even if they don’t fit the mold of “typical.”
Throughout this powerful and engaging read, Bello shares intimate stories and lessons on how she has come to discover her happiest self, accept who she is, and live honestly and freely, and tells the stories of those who came to her after her Times’ columns, grateful that someone gave voice to their life choices.
Love is Love is not a memoir about an actress. It is a frank, raw, and honest book about the way every woman questions the roles she plays in love, work, and life, filled with wisdom, questions, and insights relevant to us all.
240 pages, Hardcover
First published April 28, 2015
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 133 reviews
August 20, 2015
I am going to give Whatever… Love is Love: Questioning the Labels We Give Ourselves five stars. I would give it an endless universe of them if I could, to be honest, for I believe this book is the beginning of something.
Maria Bello is a writer as we all are, whether using words or not, whether using physical sheets of paper or not. She has been writing her own story, as we all have, and she has taken one hell of a brave step, one that I am extremely grateful for. She has given us, with Whatever… Love is Love, a backstage pass to her unfinished script of life.
Maria Bello dares to question everything. I believe that shows nothing but strength. The fact that she decided to share her journey into self-loving and self-understanding with the world? That’s courage. You see, we are all far from being perfect, we have all made mistakes and taken wrong turns at some point, and most of us are well and consciously aware of this. Still, when in social context, when amongst strangers, this is not something we proclaim. Why? For a thousand and different reasons. Maria Bello goes after those reasons, after those whys. Should we even be comparing ourselves to perfection? What does perfection even mean? What does it look like? Why do I have to be perfect? Do I want to be perfect? Do I feel comfortable with perfection? Should I?
This is one of the reasons why I absolutely loved Whatever… Love is Love. While Maria questions herself, one can’t help but wonder. This is why I believe this book is the beginning of something, something that could be tremendously good. This book opens doors, it allows people to think these questions over. And if you don’t feel ready to put yourself out there and expose, question, your own beliefs, Maria Bello lends you hers and discusses them with you. She doesn’t ask you to accept them, she doesn’t ask for anything, really. Instead, she is giving us, the readers, a way in without having to go out. I think that publishing this book was truly a beautiful gesture. This is not, in my opinion, about being narcissistic, far from it, actually. This is about being human and caring. This is hope.
I adore how she talks about these labels, how she makes them fit her and not the other way around. She wears the ones that make her comfortable and gets rid of the ones that cause her pain. It’s still a work in progress, of course, as we all are, till the very moment of our deaths, or even beyond. As humans, we are fluid. Not having found a path, the path, is not a sign of failure, but of hope.
We are not defined by our sexuality, we are not defined by our religion, we are not defined by the way we look or dress, we are not defined by anything or anyone but ourselves… and if there’s one thing we need to accept is that we are a work in progress. We are a raw, unfinished, indefinable, beautiful work of art.
And to you, Maria, a very honest thank you. Here's to being a whatever and proud!
Maria Bello is a writer as we all are, whether using words or not, whether using physical sheets of paper or not. She has been writing her own story, as we all have, and she has taken one hell of a brave step, one that I am extremely grateful for. She has given us, with Whatever… Love is Love, a backstage pass to her unfinished script of life.
Maria Bello dares to question everything. I believe that shows nothing but strength. The fact that she decided to share her journey into self-loving and self-understanding with the world? That’s courage. You see, we are all far from being perfect, we have all made mistakes and taken wrong turns at some point, and most of us are well and consciously aware of this. Still, when in social context, when amongst strangers, this is not something we proclaim. Why? For a thousand and different reasons. Maria Bello goes after those reasons, after those whys. Should we even be comparing ourselves to perfection? What does perfection even mean? What does it look like? Why do I have to be perfect? Do I want to be perfect? Do I feel comfortable with perfection? Should I?
This is one of the reasons why I absolutely loved Whatever… Love is Love. While Maria questions herself, one can’t help but wonder. This is why I believe this book is the beginning of something, something that could be tremendously good. This book opens doors, it allows people to think these questions over. And if you don’t feel ready to put yourself out there and expose, question, your own beliefs, Maria Bello lends you hers and discusses them with you. She doesn’t ask you to accept them, she doesn’t ask for anything, really. Instead, she is giving us, the readers, a way in without having to go out. I think that publishing this book was truly a beautiful gesture. This is not, in my opinion, about being narcissistic, far from it, actually. This is about being human and caring. This is hope.
We are all constantly becoming
I adore how she talks about these labels, how she makes them fit her and not the other way around. She wears the ones that make her comfortable and gets rid of the ones that cause her pain. It’s still a work in progress, of course, as we all are, till the very moment of our deaths, or even beyond. As humans, we are fluid. Not having found a path, the path, is not a sign of failure, but of hope.
We are not defined by our sexuality, we are not defined by our religion, we are not defined by the way we look or dress, we are not defined by anything or anyone but ourselves… and if there’s one thing we need to accept is that we are a work in progress. We are a raw, unfinished, indefinable, beautiful work of art.
Sending golden shoes to you and all whom you love, Maria.
And to you, Maria, a very honest thank you. Here's to being a whatever and proud!
July 4, 2015
I listened to this book on audible and I recommend that everyone experience it that way. Maria Bello sounds like an old friend talking. This book is deceptively simple - I say that it because the questions she covers are hardly new: Am I enough? Am I broken? This is the stuff of many a self help book. What made this book special, at least in my mind, is Bello's willingness to answer yes - even to the tough stuff. Her ultimate message is that yes - we are broken but we are also enough, we are artists and lovers, we are WHATEVER (her son's famous answer to her revelation that she was in a relationship with a woman). I love how she encourages us to abandon not the question but any answer that would label us. Perhaps not the most original message but one most of us need to hear often and she presents it in a way that's compassionate and easy to listen to.
July 20, 2015
Reading biographies is not my thing, so it is hard to decide how many stars this book deserves. It was thought provoking in a way, and it made me thinking about a lot of issues in general and in my life, but I subtract at least 1 star, because it wasn't really about her living in a modern family, as I thought it would be about, but only a few pages long chapter was about the topic of being an LGBT person or a whatever.
All in all, reading this biography was a weird experience. When I started reading it, I realized that I didn't know much about Maria Bello except that I had a teenage crush on her when she appeared in the ER series, when I was about 15 years old, and I still liked her, when I watched her in Coyote Ugly, but I didn't know a thing about her life until last year, when she came out in a New York Times article as a Whatever, and it made me curious. People often idolize someone, because they don't know a thing about the other person. Now, after reading this book, I feel I know too much.
Maria Bello questions everything in her life. She questions if she is a good mom, a good partner, a good Christian, a humanitarian, a feminist, etc. She has so many questions about herself, and if different labels are appropriate for her or not, that it is a little bit confusing. Is it possible that she is this much insecure about everything in her life?
So if I had to summerize the book in one sentence, I would say: Maria Bello is way too much spiritual and believes in a lot of magical stuff and hocus pocus, she questions everything, sex and religion are really important for her, she loves her family and Haiti, but she doesn't like labels, only accepts those she gives for herself, but nevertheless she questions those labels too.
If you want to read about what life is like in a modern family, this is not your book. This book is about what Maria Bello's life was like from her childhood until nowadays and it is divided into chapters by different labels.
All in all, reading this biography was a weird experience. When I started reading it, I realized that I didn't know much about Maria Bello except that I had a teenage crush on her when she appeared in the ER series, when I was about 15 years old, and I still liked her, when I watched her in Coyote Ugly, but I didn't know a thing about her life until last year, when she came out in a New York Times article as a Whatever, and it made me curious. People often idolize someone, because they don't know a thing about the other person. Now, after reading this book, I feel I know too much.
Maria Bello questions everything in her life. She questions if she is a good mom, a good partner, a good Christian, a humanitarian, a feminist, etc. She has so many questions about herself, and if different labels are appropriate for her or not, that it is a little bit confusing. Is it possible that she is this much insecure about everything in her life?
So if I had to summerize the book in one sentence, I would say: Maria Bello is way too much spiritual and believes in a lot of magical stuff and hocus pocus, she questions everything, sex and religion are really important for her, she loves her family and Haiti, but she doesn't like labels, only accepts those she gives for herself, but nevertheless she questions those labels too.
If you want to read about what life is like in a modern family, this is not your book. This book is about what Maria Bello's life was like from her childhood until nowadays and it is divided into chapters by different labels.
May 4, 2015
Well, I was curious so I got the e-book. It is quite a short book, I discovered. Uh well. Bello pretty much admits she ran out of things to write about, fair enough.
I found it fairly interesting while I was reading it but after I felt like there wasn't enough 'meat' whatever that may mean.
Reading about her family history was touching, particularly in light of her relationship with her father now.
She writes intelligently and yet, I don't know, something was missing (for me).
Her issues with men and her ability to see it more clearly over time was also interesting but a bit much. She manages to work in that she and her current female partner have great sex - I guess I needed to know that.
It felt like she had a nice NY Times column and then maybe the publishers jumped on it for a longer work as they knew it would sell and I am sure it is.
Would I have been interested to read a non-celebrity's writing about her romantic history, her family history, and her humanitarian work? The humanitarian work yes, for sure.
Bello doesn't like labels - fair enough - but I can't help getting the sense that somehow she is terrified of being labelled a lesbian.
I do like that she is a celebrity who is also a humanitarian - one who actually lives out that life. But alas, always a bit of self-absorption - she makes sure to tell us that her face only droops a bit . . . .
Sorry, this review is all over the place. She talks about spending $600 on a quack celebrity doctor/therapist and it is funny. But then I was reminded of her privileged position and her ability to drop that amount without a second thought.
Okay - to sum up (phew) for a Hollywood celebrity, Bello can write inteligently and poignantly at times. She certainly seems less self absorbed than the average person in that position.And she gets for liberation theology and Dorothy Day!
I found it fairly interesting while I was reading it but after I felt like there wasn't enough 'meat' whatever that may mean.
Reading about her family history was touching, particularly in light of her relationship with her father now.
She writes intelligently and yet, I don't know, something was missing (for me).
Her issues with men and her ability to see it more clearly over time was also interesting but a bit much. She manages to work in that she and her current female partner have great sex - I guess I needed to know that.
It felt like she had a nice NY Times column and then maybe the publishers jumped on it for a longer work as they knew it would sell and I am sure it is.
Would I have been interested to read a non-celebrity's writing about her romantic history, her family history, and her humanitarian work? The humanitarian work yes, for sure.
Bello doesn't like labels - fair enough - but I can't help getting the sense that somehow she is terrified of being labelled a lesbian.
I do like that she is a celebrity who is also a humanitarian - one who actually lives out that life. But alas, always a bit of self-absorption - she makes sure to tell us that her face only droops a bit . . . .
Sorry, this review is all over the place. She talks about spending $600 on a quack celebrity doctor/therapist and it is funny. But then I was reminded of her privileged position and her ability to drop that amount without a second thought.
Okay - to sum up (phew) for a Hollywood celebrity, Bello can write inteligently and poignantly at times. She certainly seems less self absorbed than the average person in that position.And she gets for liberation theology and Dorothy Day!
February 8, 2017
How strong are you, Maria Bello? Personally, I think you are the strongest Hollywood actress I have ever known. But I wonder if it's enough.
Two of the greatest movies I've ever seen were PAYBACK starring Mel Gibson and THE JANE AUSTEN BOOK CLUB with an amazing ensemble cast of actresses. These two movies couldn't possibly be more different, but both of them feature indelible supporting performances by Maria Bello, who is the most beautiful and genuine and intense actress I've ever seen.
This memoir is genuine and challenging and really captures the power she brings to her movie roles. Maria talks about what it means to be a Catholic, a wife, a mother, and a person who refuses to be defined by her sexuality or her life choices. The only reason I can't give this book five stars is because she barely even mentions her film career, and because she makes no attempt to explore (or even acknowledge) the contradictions inherent in the phrase "liberal Hollywood." She goes on at great, great length about all the good work movie stars and celebrities have done in Haiti, but says very little about the absence of black writers, directors, and yes, actresses in positions of power in Hollywood. But nevertheless, this is a book to treasure.
Two of the greatest movies I've ever seen were PAYBACK starring Mel Gibson and THE JANE AUSTEN BOOK CLUB with an amazing ensemble cast of actresses. These two movies couldn't possibly be more different, but both of them feature indelible supporting performances by Maria Bello, who is the most beautiful and genuine and intense actress I've ever seen.
This memoir is genuine and challenging and really captures the power she brings to her movie roles. Maria talks about what it means to be a Catholic, a wife, a mother, and a person who refuses to be defined by her sexuality or her life choices. The only reason I can't give this book five stars is because she barely even mentions her film career, and because she makes no attempt to explore (or even acknowledge) the contradictions inherent in the phrase "liberal Hollywood." She goes on at great, great length about all the good work movie stars and celebrities have done in Haiti, but says very little about the absence of black writers, directors, and yes, actresses in positions of power in Hollywood. But nevertheless, this is a book to treasure.
dnf
July 18, 2015DNF @ 15%
The concept seems really interesting, I just didn't expect it to be so...ego-centric? I mean, I'm not familiar with the person who wrote this (though she is famous, I guess), and I expected the "lessons" that she learned to have broader applications. But instead I am reading mildly interesting stories about someone I don't know which have no application to the world at large or even my life.
The concept seems really interesting, I just didn't expect it to be so...ego-centric? I mean, I'm not familiar with the person who wrote this (though she is famous, I guess), and I expected the "lessons" that she learned to have broader applications. But instead I am reading mildly interesting stories about someone I don't know which have no application to the world at large or even my life.
August 22, 2022
Not the book I was hoping for it to be. It only briefly touches on the 'whatever' label of her sexuality. It attempts to question all the different labels she's given herself over the years, but with limited success. It wasn't long into this book before I realized I didn't like her very much which would be bearable if I thought she had written something worthwhile. Mostly this writing felt like an excuse to make drive by insults towards people she barely knows (bizzare) and to let other people know how awesome she is while simultaneously talking about how imperfect she is. I think the biggest eye roll moment for me was when she spent two pages acting as if she was talking about a temperamental lover, but was in fact talking about Haiti. Haiti is her mistress! (The golden shoe story is a close second, though.) The level of self-absorption here is high. With the talk of gurus, seeing signs everywhere, downplaying cheating, and the amazing ability to make everything about her (even by celebrity book standards!), there was probably little chance this book would connect with me.
(BTW - did she seriously discover Marsha P. Johnson's body??)
(BTW - did she seriously discover Marsha P. Johnson's body??)
May 30, 2015
Read this for an honest portrait of a flawed and complicated human being, who for an actress, is pretty good at seeing herself. Do not read this as a manifesto for blended families, feminists or any other category that doesn't fit into her specific brand of privilege and introspection. A good, fast read with some insight on how we can drop labels and laugh at the absurdity of taking life too seriously. But is this a collective sigh of relief for those outside the normative structures of society? Nope.
May 14, 2015
I went into this with an excitement that I haven't had in a while. I love Maria Bello, I love her spunk and her attitude and I was really surprised by her "coming out" a few years ago. And this was such a refreshing look at how one deals with those questions that we ask ourselves. With this book, Maria dives into the hardest, darkest parts of ourselves and she does it so honestly that you can't help but get swept into it.
Thank you for writing your story Maria. I was honored to read it.
Thank you for writing your story Maria. I was honored to read it.
June 9, 2015
So much more than LBGT issues...
This book is a great choice for anyone who wants to know they are *not alone* within their quest to understand spirituality, love and connectedness in a constantly changing world. I found Maria's revelations about her life inspiring. Young, old and in between will find humor and inspiration in this wonderful book. De-Stigmatized SO MANY labels: becoming a "whatever"!
This book is a great choice for anyone who wants to know they are *not alone* within their quest to understand spirituality, love and connectedness in a constantly changing world. I found Maria's revelations about her life inspiring. Young, old and in between will find humor and inspiration in this wonderful book. De-Stigmatized SO MANY labels: becoming a "whatever"!
August 13, 2015
Read this. Live this. It is empowering and honest ...
October 29, 2015
Readers who discover Maria Bello's debut memoir: "Whatever...Love is Love: Questioning The Labels We Give Ourselves" (2015) might be pleased and surprised not just with her articulate social and cultural observations, but by her genuine open heart and mind, as she reveals herself, her partner, family, friends and a host of others.
In avoiding labels, (the "L" word) in the LGBT identification: Bello prefers the "W" meaning "whatever". The thing is: most people would have no idea what "W" meant, this also seems vague, sometimes flippant, an anything goes term. Hate crimes will always be a concern for many who identify as LGBT, and still others consider this a non-issue. Bello discussed the "magnificent" black American trans-woman Martha P. Johnson (1942-1992) who was an activist/leader in the June 28, 1969 Stonewall (Inn) Riot in Greenwich Village. Johnson's tragic death is under investigation by the NYCPD.
Raised in the Catholic faith, her mother, a nurse, never missed mass and recited rosary daily. Her family was usually stressed over her mothers early cancer diagnosis, and her father being permanently disabled in a work related construction accident. Bello received her college education at Villanova University, was mentored by Augustinian priest Father Ray Jackson, discovered the "common thread of kindness and compassion" is present in all religions.
Bello spent 3 years in Haiti after the 2010 earthquake that killed 350,000 people and left millions homeless. With humanitarian relief, Bello helped build a health clinic, she also acquired a intestinal parasitic infection that left her hospitalized with a 3 month recovery. Bello has also traveled abroad to Kenya, Bosnia, and Nicaragua. In furthering the spirit of feminism Bello recalled the courage of Malala Yousafzai who nearly lost her life fighting for her education, and was the winner of the Nobel Peace Prize in 2014.
In Bello's quest for optimal health and happiness, never missing a day of work, she sought the counsel of channelers, healers, psychics, astrologers, as well as conventional medicine and therapists. She has participated in sweat lodges, vision quests, yoga, and lived according to tarot card readings. Diagnosed with mental illness, she understands her "hypersensitivity" the highs and lows to life around her, she is grateful for the medication, and those that "keep her tethered to the earth".
Maria Bello's writing appeared in the NYT, she is an activist: her Whatever Campaign supports equality and human rights. As an actress, she has been a cast on: ER, Payback, Coyote Ugly, The Cooler, History of Violence, and more, she lives in Los Angeles, CA. With thanks to the Seattle Public Library.
In avoiding labels, (the "L" word) in the LGBT identification: Bello prefers the "W" meaning "whatever". The thing is: most people would have no idea what "W" meant, this also seems vague, sometimes flippant, an anything goes term. Hate crimes will always be a concern for many who identify as LGBT, and still others consider this a non-issue. Bello discussed the "magnificent" black American trans-woman Martha P. Johnson (1942-1992) who was an activist/leader in the June 28, 1969 Stonewall (Inn) Riot in Greenwich Village. Johnson's tragic death is under investigation by the NYCPD.
Raised in the Catholic faith, her mother, a nurse, never missed mass and recited rosary daily. Her family was usually stressed over her mothers early cancer diagnosis, and her father being permanently disabled in a work related construction accident. Bello received her college education at Villanova University, was mentored by Augustinian priest Father Ray Jackson, discovered the "common thread of kindness and compassion" is present in all religions.
Bello spent 3 years in Haiti after the 2010 earthquake that killed 350,000 people and left millions homeless. With humanitarian relief, Bello helped build a health clinic, she also acquired a intestinal parasitic infection that left her hospitalized with a 3 month recovery. Bello has also traveled abroad to Kenya, Bosnia, and Nicaragua. In furthering the spirit of feminism Bello recalled the courage of Malala Yousafzai who nearly lost her life fighting for her education, and was the winner of the Nobel Peace Prize in 2014.
In Bello's quest for optimal health and happiness, never missing a day of work, she sought the counsel of channelers, healers, psychics, astrologers, as well as conventional medicine and therapists. She has participated in sweat lodges, vision quests, yoga, and lived according to tarot card readings. Diagnosed with mental illness, she understands her "hypersensitivity" the highs and lows to life around her, she is grateful for the medication, and those that "keep her tethered to the earth".
Maria Bello's writing appeared in the NYT, she is an activist: her Whatever Campaign supports equality and human rights. As an actress, she has been a cast on: ER, Payback, Coyote Ugly, The Cooler, History of Violence, and more, she lives in Los Angeles, CA. With thanks to the Seattle Public Library.
January 3, 2016
May I start off by saying this is in the Top 3 Books I Have Ever Read? It is. Jut wow. I am all for breaking out of molds people try to put me in. But Maria has a better idea. Put me in a box, but I determine what label goes on it. As a published author (and a Goodreads author at that), does that MAKE me an author? I write poetry as well? Am I a poet? According to Maria, it's what is in my heart, not on my W2. So yes, I am unconventional. I believe you can have a soul mate and not necessarily be married to them (see her part about partners), I believe in fate, but only to the fact that what happens is what is meant to happen based on the choices we make. The section about being Catholic.... I'm not catholic, I'm protestant. But does that even matter? I have friends that are openly gay. Does being friends with them make me a bad Christian? Before you answer that, remember that Jesus ate with both tax collectors and lepers (the outright horror, right?!) Maybe it's not within "church doctrine", but I do believe by being friends with all manner of people, you are actively demonstrating God's love. And, of course, the question every woman asks....Am I Enough?
If she set out to write a book to make people think, then I say Brava!!, Maria Bello. I have not had a book make me think so much before. And quite possibly never again. What do people call ME? An author, a woman, a wife, a sister, a daughter, a friend, a poet, a lover?? Some day, hopefully, I will be lucky enough to be called a Whatever. And I will wear that title with utmost pride.
If she set out to write a book to make people think, then I say Brava!!, Maria Bello. I have not had a book make me think so much before. And quite possibly never again. What do people call ME? An author, a woman, a wife, a sister, a daughter, a friend, a poet, a lover?? Some day, hopefully, I will be lucky enough to be called a Whatever. And I will wear that title with utmost pride.
August 6, 2016
This is a case of the premise being much more interesting than the end product.
The idea of questioning--challenging, even--labels is an important topic. Labels, and the expectations that come with them, are limiting and are the cause for fear and prejudice for people who lack imagination or compassion, either for others or for themselves. The subject matter has great potential for more universal exploration and discussion.
Unfortunately, this book is a superficial, self-concerned treatment of the topic. The questions asked are not difficult questions, and the answers are not revealing. The first chapter, which talks about who is a partner and why, how families can be chosen, and how sex does not necessarily define who is the most valuable person in your life, is the strongest--it raises the most engaging, fresh issues. The other chapters/essays are too narrowly focused; they do not participate in a dialogue with society's changing perceptions. Instead, they give Bello an excuse to talk about herself. Given that the writing is only so-so and the insights shallow and unsatisfying, the overall result is not revealing nor enticing.
The idea of questioning--challenging, even--labels is an important topic. Labels, and the expectations that come with them, are limiting and are the cause for fear and prejudice for people who lack imagination or compassion, either for others or for themselves. The subject matter has great potential for more universal exploration and discussion.
Unfortunately, this book is a superficial, self-concerned treatment of the topic. The questions asked are not difficult questions, and the answers are not revealing. The first chapter, which talks about who is a partner and why, how families can be chosen, and how sex does not necessarily define who is the most valuable person in your life, is the strongest--it raises the most engaging, fresh issues. The other chapters/essays are too narrowly focused; they do not participate in a dialogue with society's changing perceptions. Instead, they give Bello an excuse to talk about herself. Given that the writing is only so-so and the insights shallow and unsatisfying, the overall result is not revealing nor enticing.
March 6, 2017
Maria Bello is indeed a writer. Her voice is pure, honest, real. Her messages of compassion, finding meaning in life, dealing with the merits and God too, all spoke to me with profound grace. She would have been a great lawyer but I am glad she is "whatever" she is. I have always been in awe of her physical beauty. Her acting has always been so believably profound. This book explains why she can evoke so much on the screen. She is the real deal in her self examination. She has done the work to be her best with an amazing group of angels guiding her on the rocky road so she can help us all be more of what her mentors (those Angels) want us all to aspire to be.
January 3, 2022
audible audiobook
DAMN DAMN DAMN.
I love her so freaking much. Loved her as soon as she showed up on my screen when I first watched Coyote Ugly, loved her in everything I watched her since. She especially stole my heart during her stint on NCIS.
I love her even more now after listening to this book. I love that she narrated it as well, and she did an amazing job, I felt like I was sitting around the table with her, having too sweet coffee.
I love how open she was. She didn't sugarcoat everything. Open and honest. And heartfelt.
DAMN DAMN DAMN.
I love her so freaking much. Loved her as soon as she showed up on my screen when I first watched Coyote Ugly, loved her in everything I watched her since. She especially stole my heart during her stint on NCIS.
I love her even more now after listening to this book. I love that she narrated it as well, and she did an amazing job, I felt like I was sitting around the table with her, having too sweet coffee.
I love how open she was. She didn't sugarcoat everything. Open and honest. And heartfelt.
January 1, 2025
lmao I definitely like her less after reading this
August 22, 2015
This book was a great refresher. I have been going through a lot of self discovery lately and I found it inspirational to hear Maria's struggles and successes. It featured many great life lessons and I hope to utilize some of her mantras in my everyday life. Thank you for writing such an thought provoking and honest book, Maria. I bought this book on a whim at the Los Angeles Times Book Festival. I had only known Maria as an actor from some of my favorite movies (Coyote Ugly and Secret Window), so I thought I would stick around to listen to her interview on stage. I was very moved by her words during the interview and loved her story about the golden shoe she found as a sign to keep going when she was struggling. After the interview, I was debating on missing another lecture I wanted to go to so I could buy a copy of her book and have her sign it. Something inside of me was telling me that I needed to stay, so I did. I eagerly waited in line and introduced myself to her complimenting her on her film work and asking her opinion on Stephen King since she worked on an adaptation of one of his books (Secret Window). She had read his memoir and enjoyed his stories. This I took as a sign that I did make the right decision to stay since I had just read his memoir the week before. Getting to meet her was the highlight of my day and she was so excited to be there meeting her fans. Even though we only talked for a mere 30 seconds, after reading her book I know that it means the world to her to leave an insightful impact on the people she meets, and in my case that day has impacted my life for the better because this book has joined my collection.
June 8, 2015
I know this book gets quite a lot of criticism for what's seen as indulging in narcissism but any autobiography or memoir can be criticised for that by its very nature.
I came into this expecting to hate it for yet another celebrity telling people to drop labels (which for many people are a symbol of defiance and bring people together) but I was completely wrong. Bello isn't anti label - she's against people being simplified to such an extent they can only fit in a couple of tiny boxes we've created for them. Bello is very pro nuance, pro fluidity and pro people being able to self identify and live how they want. It's a very important message in a world that seeks to define us in binary terms such as gay or straight, man or women etc. What shines through is that she's met so many diverse and wonderful people whose lives couldn't possibly be forced into these boxes that society seems to live by.
If you want a book that really analyses labels, how they've been used and their future in our society and politics then this will leave you lacking satisfaction. This isn't a sociological essay but just the story of one woman and her own reflections on identity through her own experiences. If you're looking for a good, quick read which at times is beautiful and challenging and could prompt you to think in a different way then I definitely recommend it.
I came into this expecting to hate it for yet another celebrity telling people to drop labels (which for many people are a symbol of defiance and bring people together) but I was completely wrong. Bello isn't anti label - she's against people being simplified to such an extent they can only fit in a couple of tiny boxes we've created for them. Bello is very pro nuance, pro fluidity and pro people being able to self identify and live how they want. It's a very important message in a world that seeks to define us in binary terms such as gay or straight, man or women etc. What shines through is that she's met so many diverse and wonderful people whose lives couldn't possibly be forced into these boxes that society seems to live by.
If you want a book that really analyses labels, how they've been used and their future in our society and politics then this will leave you lacking satisfaction. This isn't a sociological essay but just the story of one woman and her own reflections on identity through her own experiences. If you're looking for a good, quick read which at times is beautiful and challenging and could prompt you to think in a different way then I definitely recommend it.
July 22, 2015
Kudos to Maria Bello for getting so honest and personal in such a public way. It's not a tell all, full of gossip, but an honest look at herself and they ways that she's made decisions (both good & bad) in her life. While a lot of the questions and answers she comes to are not anything earth shattering or all that different from some self help stuff out there, she does it all in such a down to earth and honest way while giving credit to the important people in her life, it was a quick, interesting read. I already liked her thru her work as an actress, but getting to know about her humanitarian efforts and family life makes me like her that much more.
November 24, 2015
This is a pretty easy read, for some pretty heavy topics: relationships. It was interesting to get a perspective on love this was actually beyond any particular groups rights, but to boil it down to our individual right to be happy in a way that we deem works for us. Simple. There are some heart warming stories, a lot of personal reflection (a bit too much - for my taste, I'd have enjoyed a more broad look at relationships with some of her stories thrown in as "evidence"), and some good life lessons to glean out of this book. Worth the time (would have given 3.5 if that was possible).
April 29, 2015
Cover to Cover in Six Hours
That is how I read Whatever...Love Is Love. It arrived in my Kindle, and I couldn't put it down! I was moved to tears. I literally "lol'd". Maria Bello's words are thought provoking, emotion invoking, and love promoting. I highly recommend this book to anyone who has ever questioned themselves, their beliefs, their hearts... So, basically, I highly recommend Whatever...Love Is Love to everyone!!
That is how I read Whatever...Love Is Love. It arrived in my Kindle, and I couldn't put it down! I was moved to tears. I literally "lol'd". Maria Bello's words are thought provoking, emotion invoking, and love promoting. I highly recommend this book to anyone who has ever questioned themselves, their beliefs, their hearts... So, basically, I highly recommend Whatever...Love Is Love to everyone!!
June 30, 2015
I actually couldn't finish this book. I had read about it when the author was doing her book tour, and I had found the premise interesting. But I hadn't realized that the author is an actress. I would not have picked it up, had I known. I generally don't enjoy books written by actors...this was no exception.
April 4, 2018
I'm giving this book five stars... It's honest, poignant and her story is one that resonates deep within me. Struggled for years with the idea of finding a label to fit me... With the same questions that Maria asks of herself in this book. I found strength in her words... And I do love the rediscovery of the fact that, truly, love is love...
June 13, 2015
I read a lot of things in a similar genre and I just don't think Maria Bello has a particularly original voice. At least she didn't resonate with me. Evidently, this began as an article in the NY Times and I honestly don't think there was enough material of interest for it to be an entire book.
April 9, 2016
I'm glad this book was not too long. I started optimistically, and was sort of waiting for it to stop being a self-indulgent ramble of the author's own. It was just a continual contemplation of who she thought she is/was. I wouldn't bother reading it. Not interesting, and doesn't go anywhere.
May 20, 2015
A bit of an overblown self absorbed memoir, disappointing
Thoroughly enjoyed actor Alan Cummins memoir, this one not so much
I've always liked Maria's acting, not a fan of her writing
Thoroughly enjoyed actor Alan Cummins memoir, this one not so much
I've always liked Maria's acting, not a fan of her writing
June 9, 2015
Just okay.
July 24, 2015
Just scratched the surface
It was a slow read. I feel as if she never really showed her true self. It must be hard to do,but the best author's do.
It was a slow read. I feel as if she never really showed her true self. It must be hard to do,but the best author's do.
July 28, 2015
Thought-provoking and honest.
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