Breaking Awake: A Reporter's Search for a New Life, and a New World, Through Drugs

by P.E. Moskowitz

From the “talented and impassioned writer” (San Francisco Chronicle) of How to Kill a City, a riveting journey that combines Drug Use for Grown-Ups with How to Do Nothing, as it explores our national mental health and drug use crises while also searching for answers as to how we can find a path to collective healing.



Why are so many of us unhappy, anxious, and without purpose? And how can we get better?



Several years ago, P.E. Moskowitz had a near-death experience, followed by a nervous breakdown. As they willed themselves back to life using a variety of drugs, both prescription and illicit, they started to wonder: Why are so many of us seeking out these types of interventions to deal with our daily reality?



In Breaking Awake, Moskowitz takes us on a kaleidoscopic voyage through our country’s collective mental health collapse, and the drugs we take—from fentanyl to SSRIs, to ketamine to LSD and beyond—to cope with the gnawing bleakness of our present moment. In a cross-country tour of drug use—including the free heroin handed out on the streets of Vancouver, a mom in Chicago who has been on SSRIs since childhood and now can’t live without them, and ravers in Brooklyn taking drugs most people have never heard of to push the limits of human consciousness—Moskowitz questions whether drugs can spark liberation or simply quell the pain of modern life. Is it time to view drugs differently? And can drugs help us envision a better future?

Genres: Nonfiction, Mental Health, Psychology, Drugs, Memoir

368 pages, Hardcover

Published September 9, 2025

About the author

Peter Moskowitz (they/them pronouns) is a former staff writer for Al Jazeera America. They have also written for The New York Times, The New Yorker, The New Republic, The Nation, VICE, WIRED, OUT Magazine, and others. They co-founded Study Hall, a media collaborative with over 1,500 members.

A graduate of Hampshire College and the CUNY Graduate School of Journalism, Moskowitz lives in Philadelphia.

Reviews

[Nathan Shuherk · Rating 5 out of 5]

This has the potential to be one of the funniest books to passive aggressively yet still sincerely recommend to people dealing with MH issues, but like… it would also be incredibly helpful for like every floundering person under the age of 35 to read along with your entire friend group.

[shaunee]

This will be mega. Moskowitz is to me what Aristotle was to the ancient Greeks

[Alistaire · Rating 5 out of 5]

I received an ARC through the Goodreads giveaways and was, quite honestly, shocked at how much I enjoyed this book. It became the reading I looked forward to every day, intentionally chunking it so I wouldn't consume it all in a day or two.

Breaking Awake tells the tale of the author's own struggle with mental health, braiding together their personal experiences, interviews with others on their own journey through the murky waters of mental health managed with substances (of all kinds), and exposing the West's long love affair with mood and mind altering substances. The most important question they ask is- if everyone is struggling, and at the rate we're struggling, why do we keep assuming that mental health is solely the responsibility of the individual?

As a practicing mental health professional, it was beautiful to see someone share their own journey so honestly. There's so much commodification of "healing" in our culture that it was refreshing to see someone so painfully honest about how much it sucks, how slow the process is, and how few genuine answers and understanding we have of modern conceptions of mental health.

My only true critiques of the text were mostly stylistic- the phrase "writ large" felt excessively present, but it's not like art is subjective, right? I also received an uncorrected version, so this may have been remedied through editing.

I truly appreciated the citations and bibliography in the book, and it is written in an accessible way, pointing to the very real issues and assumptions in our culture without descending into academic jargon. As a staunch anti-capitalist, I agree with much of Moskowitz's critiques that capitalism creates many overarching issues and systems that disempower and disconnect us, leaving us feeling existential dread that seems nearly unmanageable, hence reaching for substances to try and maintain "functionality" in the midst of it all (ie- how to keep being a cog in the capitalist machine).

At the same time, I also think there's more nuance and don't want to throw the mental health baby out with the pharmaceutical bathwater. I *do* believe we are dealing with systems beyond our individual control *and* believe that we also have individual responsibility to learn and understand our own psyches, their wounds, and what we need to navigate this strange, beautiful life. Mental health is both top down and bottom up- we have circumstances beyond our control and we also have our own individual ability to decide how we want to think about/feel about/do about/interact with them. In much the same way I don't think it's fair or accurate to blame the individual in totality, neither do I think the same of wholesale externalizing mental health on capitalistic structures. There is a liminal middle between these two that needs further exploration, and I think Moskowitz is a great candidate for the job, and would love to see more from them on this subject.

My sincere hope for this publication is that it becomes a launch pad for larger conversations about our cultural narratives around substances (what makes a drug good or bad, and who?), corporate capitalism and its inhumane demands (think grind culture and "I'll sleep when I'm dead!" and working 3 jobs just to keep a roof over ones head), and the manifestations of mental health as we try to find meaning in this wild, beautiful, terrifying, kaleidoscopic life.

While the book doesn't have a "clean" ending in the sense that it proposes a clear solution or has a "happy" ending, I think it is appropriate given the subject matter and the fact that self-creation and self-understanding are dynamic, never ending processes. It is a beautiful reflection of the author's experience, experiences of those also struggling to make it work, and a well-researched critique of why we're struggling in the first place. I will be recommending this to fellow professionals in the mental health field and purchasing a copy when it is published!

[Grace Camille · Rating 5 out of 5]

It turns out you can grow accustomed to feeling inhuman, feeling like a ghost floating through a material world. Until, apparently, it all becomes to much or, really, all becomes too little- until life no longer matters because you are in no meaningful way alive. (17)

None of this makes medications inherently evil, but it does make them inherently political. (213)

I refuse to call my overwhelm depression or bipolar disorder or psychosis or anything else. In this refusal, I am staking a claim: my problems are based in the real world, not my brain. My problems are unique to me, but consequences of a violent world that every single one of us experiences to greater and lesser extents. By saying that, by de-diagnosing, I'm saying: we're all in this together. (213)

To greater and lesser extents, we are terrified of the feeling of pleasure, because to acknowledge that feeling would be to acknowledge our lives unlived. To acknowledge our desire would be to acknowledge how far we are from it. If we constantly live in breakdown, to hope for something better is to punish oneself. This is one of the hardest parts of healing. You are not only working through the past, but through the future. (233)

[manaal]

enjoyable! the memoir-y parts kind of threw me off though and degraded it though, i kind of felt like a large part of the author’s problems was that their parents were both psychoanalysts. the framing of ghb as more evil than other party drugs also was kind of annoying tbh and also was q result of the memoir framing…

[Gustė Gustainytė · Rating 5 out of 5]

I came across this book recently and was completely absorbed by it. It’s a wonderfully written, informative, and deeply inspiring work that explores the complex world of drugs and medicine - their benefits, their harms, and everything in between.

What I appreciated most is how the author goes beyond the surface-level discussions of drug use to examine the social, psychological, and political systems that shape our relationships with substances. The critique of capitalism and our deeply individualistic society felt especially powerful and offered a much-needed perspective on why so many people seek escape or healing in the first place.

This book manages to be both educational and profoundly human. It doesn’t moralize or simplify the issue but instead invites reflection and empathy. I learned so much from it, and it’s sparked many conversations about mental health, sobriety, and what healthy or meaningful drug use might look like in today’s world.

[Kaitlin · Rating 5 out of 5]

Poignant, well-researched, and riveting. Breaking Awake seamlessly braids together research, journalism and memoir to argue that our current diagnostic and pharmacological landscape fails to address the social underpinnings of the mental health crisis. Rather than only looking inwards and numbing out with drugs, Moskowitz proposes a middle path of acknowledging when drugs can be useful but also still agitating collectively and socially towards a different world, considering a future where people's basic needs and spiritual fulfilment are met. I was moved and inspired after reading. Fans of the author's brilliant substack, Mental Hellth, will likely get something out of this.

[Madison ✨ (mad.lyreading) · Rating 3 out of 5]

You know - looking at other reviews for this book, I'm starting to wonder if this book was a me-issue rather than the book? I'm giving it 3 stars because I cannot decide.

I decided to DNF this book at 44%, which happens to be when the author began writing about their experience with the same SSRI that I take. Now, obviously I do not condone dismissing people's opinions purely because they are different than yours, but I was feeling a bit overwhelmed by the amount of generalized 'this is bad' commentary that the author was providing. This, contrasted with the earlier positive depictions of drug use, really hit a nerve with me. I 100% agree with the idea that having better/easier ways for drug users to obtain and use drugs in a safe manner is necessary - but I still felt a bit uncomfortable with the author seeming to see drug use as a good thing, and then turn to discuss just how horrible SSRIs can be. Also, the word "reporter" in the title felt inappropriate, as the 44% of the book I read like this was more of a personal examination than it was a reporter's take. However, I acknowledge there could be a lot more of the "reporter" aspect in the remaining 56%.

I will not recommend this book, but I will not NOT recommend this book - it was just not for me.

Thank you to Atria Books and NetGalley for an ARC in exchange for an honest review.

[tinaathena]

I mean it with respect, but the name of this book is IMO fairly misleading, I didn’t expect this to be so heavy on the memoir side of things. Because it is PE Moskowitz I was confident I was king to read something that leaned radical and was quite thoughtful and wasn’t disappointed. Gave me a lot to think about in terms of what a diagnosis and drugs can do for individuals and what it says of our systems and society.

[Lindsey Fox · Rating 5 out of 5]

It’s books like this that inspire revolution! Absolutely obsessed with the messages here

[Adri]

finished another book this year (yippie)
great book about the false nature of diagnosis while recognizing that people still have to have find ways to manage their pain in this systems

[juliette · Rating 5 out of 5]

this is exactly why i became disillusioned with psychology when i was studying it; the proliferation of individual solutions for what are so clearly systemic problems.

i appreciated the evaluation of the demonization of illicit drugs and thinking about how using drugs like ketamine in a clinical setting defeats a core part of its usefulness.

[Robert · Rating 4 out of 5]

I listened to the audio book which was well narrated, though it does start off sounding a bit dry both in the material and delivery.

As with other books, I almost stopped listening a few minutes in and just writing it off. However, I'm very glad that I continued. The prologue is a bit longer than I'm used to which might have caused me to feel that way.

Once I got into it, I did find it very interesting and learned a few things that I hadn't known or had suspected but wasn't 100% sure of.

I also learned something very valuable, that with any luck I'll never have to use. It's regarding how some people that are overdosing may need several doses of Narcan to successfully block the receptors and bring the person out of the overdose state.

The book itself was inspiring, and it reminded me that some doctors/researchers feel that we can inherit trauma since both biological and psychological mechanisms are involved in how our bodies perceive trauma.

This seems to most often be referred to when looking at Holocaust Survivors but absolutely applies to anyone who has witnessed or is/has recovered from traumatic events. The author didn't go too deeply into the inheritance part which I've always found extremely fascinating.

I'd recommend this to others, especially if the idea that there are better and more effective ways to treat depression, anxiety and other similar conditions, appeals to you.

Since I'm not 100% done with the book, if anything changes I'll update my review.

[Jess · Rating 5 out of 5]

“I don’t know exactly where the line is between drug use that feels fun, or even healing, and drug use that feels bleak. Maybe it’s when drugs stop functioning as modulators of other things —party enhancers or perspective shifters— and become the thing in and of themselves. Getting high not to accentuate or shift, but to feel high…”

This book is a raw journey through the author’s use of various substances to recover from a mental breakdown, but throughout it articulates in the clearest language I’ve ever seen why we do drugs: people don’t feel good and they would like to start feeling good. This is the motivation at the root of everything from Lexapro to GBH. But why don’t we feel good? And what can we do about it? This is a book just as much about the destructive moment of human history we are currently experiencing as it is about fentanyl or shrooms.

On a personal level, it was refreshing to hear a version of my own negative experiences with SSRIs discussed so openly and to hear someone talk about the pharmaceutical industry’s motivations to push these medications for any and all bouts of anxiety and depression, and that these drugs do not work for everyone and that their history of “success” has had holes from the start.

[Ian · Rating 5 out of 5]

I couldn’t believe how deeply I related to this book.
From Moskowitz’s experience with drugs and SSRIs to their questions about gender and, most powerfully, their episodes of depersonalization and derealization...so much of it mirrored my own. (Somatic therapy, EFT/Tapping, ketamine, shrooms, dysphoria, were all too familiar.)
Their descriptions on feelings of “doom” made me feel less alone.
While you may or may not agree with their political commentary, this is a highly informative and eye-opening book.
If you want to better understand what some people go through with medication and identity, or if you’ve been there yourself, Breaking Awake may offer the catharsis and connection you need.
I'm grateful for Moskowitz’s courage in sharing such a raw, personal journey.

[Elizabeth · Rating 4 out of 5]

Won a paperback ARC of this title in a Goodreads giveaway. A fascinating read, filled with anecdotes from the author, personal journeys of other folks, and historical coverage and insights on broader trends and developments across the world (and particularly around and nearby the U.S.). Not only does this book cover drugs and mental health, but it also delves into how societal structures and culture shape our perceptions and actions. In this way, this work is part of a larger conversation, one that is engaging and ongoing. I learned a lot from Moskowitz’s writing here and am sure others will as well!

[Marisa Kelly · Rating 5 out of 5]

I don’t have the words… P.E Moskowitz’s writers voice is spectacular. The content isn’t easy to write about, but it’s done with a staccato that I’ve never seen in an authors tone before. Secondly, their novel is so well researched and a brave honest recount of so much… the way the west deals with life, how we may shame others for their choices, intersectional and deeply rooted injustice in this world. Moskowitz’s book is a gift.

[Margarete Maneker · Rating 3 out of 5]

“I vacillate between thinking that everyone here has figured out the solutions to life, and feeling like I want to put every single one of them into rehab. Shh, I tell myself, just keep dancing. Keep getting into that state.”

I really enjoy Moscowitz’ reporting and found their story really compelling and fascinating, but something about the tone of the text was disappointing. maybe because it felt geared toward accessibility and I was craving something headier?

[Kate Tempro · Rating 4 out of 5]

70% memoir/ anecdotes from friends and 30% historical/statistics which was an engaging and unique way to get the information across. I really enjoyed this perspective of mental health as a consequence of societal challenges rather than all physiologically based. Only thing is I wish there was a section on marijuana and alcohol.

[Reilly Wieland · Rating 4 out of 5]

perfect book to suggest to your friend who leads by asking people what they're taking (she is taking 15 mg of lexapro)

started off kinda trite to me, but a lot of really thoughtful arguments in here. PE walks a really interesting like between thinking about themselves a lot and also thinking about how these issues they're dealing with are incredibly, deeply community based. enjoyed!

[Maryann · Rating 3 out of 5]

I won an ARC of BREAKING AWAKE by P.E. Moskowitz. It presented why so many people rely on drugs. I try to see both sides of an issue, even if I might not agree. This gave me a new perspective that I am still pondering. This is why I read non-fiction.

[AppleGirl2003 · Rating 4 out of 5]

ultimately disagree with a lot of the conclusions made in this book but it's given me a whole new arsenal with which I can defend my alcoholism and drug abuse. it's woke to drink alone and fall asleep on the couch with outdoor clothes on, actually,

[B · Rating 5 out of 5]

Not at all what I was expecting! This book was informative, fascinating, and so much fun to read! It was also sad, discouraging, and gross. This is a book that will stick with you. I learned things from P.E. Moskowitz that woke me up!

[Ludwig · Rating 5 out of 5]

Brilliant

[Jessica · Rating 5 out of 5]

listened to the audiobook! loved the memoir/journalism melange. the author thoroughly explored and analyzed themes I've been thinking about for a while that are relevant to everyone

[Elena Vietri · Rating 5 out of 5]

A beautiful book, so obvious in its well-thought-out-ness. Makes me want to do drugs in a nondestructive way, which is probs what we all need.

[Richard Gresham · Rating 5 out of 5]

Enjoy this book very different from what I usually read, but it was very good

[Angelicia · Rating 5 out of 5]

this book came to me at the most perfect time. so relevant to the micro and macro revelations and truths i’ve been sitting in. also grateful i got to go to their book launch and have it signed <3

[Annie · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was really interesting

[Nikole Y · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is phenomenal. it is incredibly poignant, timely, well researched, and well written. This book honestly has changed the way i experience the world and how I imagine others experience it. A truly fascinating exploration of the human world we all inhabit and the substances, legal or not, that we use to regain control of our own psyches in a world that sends us careening out of control through the various mechanisms of capitalism, democracy, and everything else. 10/10, this book is truly asking, what happens if we as a society just... change the way we function? Incredible. But also stupid sad.