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Rudolph!: He Is the Reason for the Season
Rudolph! is a first-person account of the behind-the-scenes workings at the North Pole. Narrated by Bernard Rosewood, one of the elves of the North Pole Consortium, the story begins with Santa's realization that a young girl's request to get her dad back for Christmas isn't going to happen. Dad, you see, died in a car accident on a snowy road shortly after Thanksgiving. The NPC can do a lot, but they can't do miracles. Enter Rudolph, who has been hairless, cranky, and perpetually irradiated since the unfortunate malfunction of the Nuclear Clock in 1964. Rudolph is a survivor of the worst accident in the 400-plus years of NPC delivery, and if there is anyone on staff who believes in miracles more than jolly Saint Nick, it's Rudolph. Bernie, in a valiant effort to keep Christmas from going off the rails, is swept up into a Heaven-storming, Hell-crusading, Night of Bad Musical Numbers adventure to ensure that every child wakes up with presents on Christmas morning. Rudolph! is a funny and fast-paced reaction to fifty years of world-weary cynicism, technological advances, and post-millennial ennui since Rankin/Bass brought a stop motion reindeer into our living rooms.
320 pages, Paperback
First published August 7, 2014
2 people are currently reading
784 people want to read
About the author
Mark Teppo
94 books101 followersMark Teppo has written more than a dozen novels across a number of genres. He's a book-seller, paper-hoarder, and troublemaker. Not necessarily in that order.
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Displaying 1 - 17 of 17 reviews
October 19, 2014
This book had me on the first page. Heck, the fist sentence. I mean, come on, how can you read: "The night before the night before Christmas I caught Santa Claus trying to hack into the Vatican's computer system." and not want to know what happens next and how the story ends?
It's not often a book surprises me the way Rudolph surprised me. It is a wonderfully weird story that somehow pleased both the atheist, anti-Xmas, hater of the Great Shopping Holiday part of me, and the part of me that remembers--with great joy--sneaking out into the living room to sleep beneath the glow of the Christmas tree lights and sparkling tinsel because it felt magical. Geek culture references share the stage with Dante, cop movie standbys ("I'm too old for this shit") rub elbows with Shakespeare, nothing and everything is sacred in this story.
As cliché as it may sound, I laughed and I cried, but most of all I closed the last page strangely reconciled with the holiday season and a new definition of the Christmas Spirit.
I’ve tried to think of a way to summarize the plot that conveys the idea without minimizing it. I have failed. This is a book that you simply must read to understand.
However, if the idea of a slug-fest between Satan and Santa's reindeer intrigues you, I guarantee you'll walk away happy.
I should also note that despite the title and subject matter, this is not strictly a "holiday" book. You'll enjoy Rudolph as much in June as you will in December.
High fives to Teppo for taking a risk and giving the world something new. Rudolph should be required reading for every Bah Humbugger out there.
It's not often a book surprises me the way Rudolph surprised me. It is a wonderfully weird story that somehow pleased both the atheist, anti-Xmas, hater of the Great Shopping Holiday part of me, and the part of me that remembers--with great joy--sneaking out into the living room to sleep beneath the glow of the Christmas tree lights and sparkling tinsel because it felt magical. Geek culture references share the stage with Dante, cop movie standbys ("I'm too old for this shit") rub elbows with Shakespeare, nothing and everything is sacred in this story.
As cliché as it may sound, I laughed and I cried, but most of all I closed the last page strangely reconciled with the holiday season and a new definition of the Christmas Spirit.
I’ve tried to think of a way to summarize the plot that conveys the idea without minimizing it. I have failed. This is a book that you simply must read to understand.
However, if the idea of a slug-fest between Satan and Santa's reindeer intrigues you, I guarantee you'll walk away happy.
I should also note that despite the title and subject matter, this is not strictly a "holiday" book. You'll enjoy Rudolph as much in June as you will in December.
High fives to Teppo for taking a risk and giving the world something new. Rudolph should be required reading for every Bah Humbugger out there.
November 14, 2014
Well. I can say I never read anything like this book. But I’m not much of one for fantasy or Sci-Fi. Not that this is Sci-Fi, but you must, absolutely, suspend all preconceptions about Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, Santa, the elves, Mrs. Claus, the North Pole and all, ALL other Christmas traditions. And if you have read this far be warned and be aware, this is NOT, I repeat, NOT a children’s book. NOT.
Let me see if I get this straight. Mrs. Claus has an iMac and Santa has a stun gun. He sends Christmas cards to the Pope, he is color blind. The elves are unionized. Santa goes into lockdown the day after Thanksgiving until Flight Night. Rudolph’s nose glows because he’s radioactive. And finally, for one and all who just don’t believe Santa can get the job done in one night, it’s explained in here. Considering the rest of what happens in this story, I believe the explanation!
Here’s what happens. Really. It’s almost Christmas Eve and Santa finds a letter that has been overlooked from a little girl asking for her daddy for Christmas. Daddy recently died. Santa can’t deny a Christmas wish. So, well, it’s obvious, isn’t it? Santa and an elf and all the reindeer hack into Heaven’s list of new “members” and they invade purgatory looking for David Anderson. They find him, battle ensues with the angels guarding Heaven’s gates and Santa delivers daddy. It’s a miracle. But miracles come with a price. Santa upset the balance.
Santa gets sick. Really, really sick. It’s the work of Satan and now the Reindeer and elf are off to, you guessed it, they find they have to travel through Dante’s seven levels.
I’ve suspended all belief by now. By now I’m finding nuggets in this story to keep me going. You see, Satan stole Christmas spirit and without it, we’re doomed to nothingness for the long, cold winters. We are shown how our small little minds have changed what Christmas is supposed to have been. Not Black Friday, to be sure. Not limited attention spans because all the kids want now are electronics.
It’s about having something to believe in. We “have to believe in miracles that are never going to happen.” We have to ”believe in the possibility.” I have to say, as outrageously imaginative as this book was, we were smacked in the face with the reality of things as they are. And while I smiled and sometimes laughed and shook my head at the imagination involved in writing this story, I did get the message. He said it so well. “Angels can’t just come down and fix. You can’t depend on them if you can’t depend on yourself.” Keep the spirit alive.
Let me see if I get this straight. Mrs. Claus has an iMac and Santa has a stun gun. He sends Christmas cards to the Pope, he is color blind. The elves are unionized. Santa goes into lockdown the day after Thanksgiving until Flight Night. Rudolph’s nose glows because he’s radioactive. And finally, for one and all who just don’t believe Santa can get the job done in one night, it’s explained in here. Considering the rest of what happens in this story, I believe the explanation!
Here’s what happens. Really. It’s almost Christmas Eve and Santa finds a letter that has been overlooked from a little girl asking for her daddy for Christmas. Daddy recently died. Santa can’t deny a Christmas wish. So, well, it’s obvious, isn’t it? Santa and an elf and all the reindeer hack into Heaven’s list of new “members” and they invade purgatory looking for David Anderson. They find him, battle ensues with the angels guarding Heaven’s gates and Santa delivers daddy. It’s a miracle. But miracles come with a price. Santa upset the balance.
Santa gets sick. Really, really sick. It’s the work of Satan and now the Reindeer and elf are off to, you guessed it, they find they have to travel through Dante’s seven levels.
I’ve suspended all belief by now. By now I’m finding nuggets in this story to keep me going. You see, Satan stole Christmas spirit and without it, we’re doomed to nothingness for the long, cold winters. We are shown how our small little minds have changed what Christmas is supposed to have been. Not Black Friday, to be sure. Not limited attention spans because all the kids want now are electronics.
It’s about having something to believe in. We “have to believe in miracles that are never going to happen.” We have to ”believe in the possibility.” I have to say, as outrageously imaginative as this book was, we were smacked in the face with the reality of things as they are. And while I smiled and sometimes laughed and shook my head at the imagination involved in writing this story, I did get the message. He said it so well. “Angels can’t just come down and fix. You can’t depend on them if you can’t depend on yourself.” Keep the spirit alive.
August 12, 2014
If you are looking for a Holiday story and are wanting something a bit edgy and different, Rudolph! is the book for you. The story begins at the North Pole the night before the night before Christmas, where Santa is frantically searching the internet working to fulfill a last minute Christmas wish. Rudolph, Santa, Bernie the Elf and the rest of the reindeer team promptly set out on several no-holds-barred trips with the Mark V Sled, and of course the reindeer fly. They have a variety of high tech firepower and explosives that Rudolph and Company generously use in their encounters with Heavenly and Demonic Beings and even a few Bad Guys. The quirky characters will have you frequently chuckling with their witty banter. You should be warned that the story does have a couple of times where you may find yourself reaching for a tissue for "that" irritation in your eye. Rudolph! is a story of making miracles happen and the implications for fulfilling them. It is a story not to be missed this Holiday Season.
January 1, 2021
Rudolph is not your average Christmas story. Find out what Santa and the reindeer will do to keep the spirit of Christmas from disappearing.
Mark Teppo is one of my favorite authors. He puts just enough unexpected twist to keep you enthralled to the end.
Mark Teppo is one of my favorite authors. He puts just enough unexpected twist to keep you enthralled to the end.
December 8, 2022
I wanted this to be fun but it was way too complicated and convoluted. Not fun.
Read
January 5, 2019DNFd. Maybe I'll pick it back up next christmas. Who knows.
December 17, 2023
DNF'd at 70%
I tried so hard to like this book.
Like as a story premise it sounds like a fun new take on the characters and an interesting idea. I mean, what depths would Santa go to just to make a child happy? And what are the consequences of bringing back the dead? Well the blurb on the back of the book on really covers the first 3rd of the story.
The writing in this book is just an awful, convoluted mess. Even worse they obviously couldn't afford a proper editor. The book's formatting will switch at random, misspelled words, poor grammar, and sometimes sentences will repeat themselves in different ways immediately after each other.
After the main point of the story is over and book switches to a Pt. 2 of Rudolph and Bernie going on their little spy missions I just couldn't deal with it anymore. If this book had stopped with it would have been an 'ok' , 2-star book at best.
I tried so hard to like this book.
Like as a story premise it sounds like a fun new take on the characters and an interesting idea. I mean, what depths would Santa go to just to make a child happy? And what are the consequences of bringing back the dead? Well the blurb on the back of the book on really covers the first 3rd of the story.
The writing in this book is just an awful, convoluted mess. Even worse they obviously couldn't afford a proper editor. The book's formatting will switch at random, misspelled words, poor grammar, and sometimes sentences will repeat themselves in different ways immediately after each other.
After the main point of the story is over and book switches to a Pt. 2 of Rudolph and Bernie going on their little spy missions I just couldn't deal with it anymore. If this book had stopped with it would have been an 'ok' , 2-star book at best.
November 16, 2021
Sadly this one wasn't for me. It's not a bad book, but the humour just didn't click with me, and so I DNFed it at about 60% when I noticed I was just looking forward to finally getting to the end, instead of enjoying the story.
This is a funny and weird Christmas story for awhile raiders. With elfs that aren't very nice, Santa shooting cherubim, reindeers with tactical gear and a crazy quest.
It should have been exactly my sort of book, but sadly I just didn't engage with the characters or the story in this one.
I very much hope others will be able to edit this wild ride of a Christmas story!
This is a funny and weird Christmas story for awhile raiders. With elfs that aren't very nice, Santa shooting cherubim, reindeers with tactical gear and a crazy quest.
It should have been exactly my sort of book, but sadly I just didn't engage with the characters or the story in this one.
I very much hope others will be able to edit this wild ride of a Christmas story!
January 1, 2019
This was a very interesting read. I started out laughing quite a bit based on the phrasing used. Then it took some weird turns where it felt like the reindeer were like Brian from Family Guy, and it turned into a big action film with reindeer using weapons and going through Hell. Then the story completely changed direction again, so it felt like a completely different book. It took a while for me to get through, but upon finishing, I found I liked it more than I expected 60% of the way through.
December 31, 2018
Didn't finish it. I had great hopes but couldn't get through the beginning.
January 9, 2017
Wasn't sure what to expect from this book because I hate Christmas, but I know Mark well enough not to expect saccharin. This was therefore surprisingly hard hitting. A madcap romp through purgatory and hell and even the theatre! Hilarious at times, dark, surprising, and sad. It did make me think twice about hating Christmas. Aren't rituals important?
My main niggle with the book, which did bother me more than it should, was the idea that in all the years of fulfilling wishes, no kid ever asked Santa for an impossible wish before--I mean, I'm pretty sure I wanted World Peace a few times. And my guess is that almost any kid with a dead parent would ask Santa to have the parent back. So why now?
My main niggle with the book, which did bother me more than it should, was the idea that in all the years of fulfilling wishes, no kid ever asked Santa for an impossible wish before--I mean, I'm pretty sure I wanted World Peace a few times. And my guess is that almost any kid with a dead parent would ask Santa to have the parent back. So why now?
June 15, 2016
I won this through First Reads, I entered because the premise was intriguing and original. I jumped it to the front of my review line when it arrived, I don't regret that decision in the slightest. A Christmas story that isn't a Christmas but is a Christmas story. It was funny and action packed. Rudolph and elves, Dante's Inferno, and James Bond/Batman/Ironman level gadgets. This story was a great read and great fun.
December 7, 2015
This book is just such a confusing mess of a story that I can't even finish it. 200 pages in and I'm giving up. I agree with the other 1 star review, in that I believe that the positive ratings could only be from friends of the author. I thought that this story seemed so promising at first but it quickly went down hill. Leave this one on the bookshelf, it's not worth your time.
January 5, 2025
If this book had only lasted until the end of the first two stories (page 189) I would have given it 5 stars, but as I really didn't enjoy the last 110 pages that much, I can't. This first section had me laughing so hard I snorted and scared the cat and, towards the end of it, crying - it was utterly brilliant.
A word of warning: This book is most definitely not a children's story.
A word of warning: This book is most definitely not a children's story.
December 16, 2016
One extra star for amusing premise... this book could have been a great, fun, read but instead I stalled out at pg 147. Plot-wise the book is a bit of a meanders mess and none of the characters grabbed me enough to keep me reading.
January 30, 2015
An interesting, albeit odd, romp through the modern Santa Claus myth, SciFi, Dante, Shakespeare, Broadway plays, Seattle, and more.
October 1, 2016
It was a wonderfully done, was a wonderful representation of the season.
Displaying 1 - 17 of 17 reviews