What do you think?
Rate this book
How to Be Dateable: The Essential Guide to Finding Your Person and Falling in Love
Break free from the traps of modern dating and learn how to take control of your love life in this practical, compassionate guide that will help you find your person and become your most dateable self.
As creators and hosts of the hit dating podcast Dateable, Julie Krafchick and Yue Xu have made breaking down the nuances of the ever-evolving dating world, and empowering the people within it, their purpose and passion. With all the challenges and frustrations that come from modern dating, the question they receive from daters time and Am I just not dateable?
From speaking to thousands of daters and world-renowned experts, Julie and Yue have come to realize that everyone is dateable—it’s just the modern dating norms that keep us from falling in love. Contrary to other dating books, How to Be Dateable isn’t a playbook of rules to follow or methods to hack your love life. But it will help you identify your dating strong suits and what’s getting in your way. To help personalize your experience and more closely identify which pieces of advice work best for you, Julie and Yue have developed a dating archetype quiz that sorts you into different dating Achiever, Dreamer, Energizer, Maverick, and Thinker.
With their dating archetype in mind, in Part 1 of How to Be Dateable you will first learn to identify common dating traps that keep modern daters in a perpetual cycle of The Expectation of Love On Demand, The Settling Paradox, The Validation Trap, and Relationship Chicken. After learning to recognize and avoid these traps, in Part 2, you start learning how to fall in love by Letting Go, Gaining Clarity, Showing Up, Investing Appropriately, and Persevering through it All. Within the book, there are case studies, personal anecdotes, exercises, and self-assuring mantras designed to help daters understand their core strengths and date on your terms.
Written with the knowledge of experts and the warmth of a wise best friend, How to Be Dateable will help you create a dating life filled with joy, fulfillment, extraordinary connections, and love.
As creators and hosts of the hit dating podcast Dateable, Julie Krafchick and Yue Xu have made breaking down the nuances of the ever-evolving dating world, and empowering the people within it, their purpose and passion. With all the challenges and frustrations that come from modern dating, the question they receive from daters time and Am I just not dateable?
From speaking to thousands of daters and world-renowned experts, Julie and Yue have come to realize that everyone is dateable—it’s just the modern dating norms that keep us from falling in love. Contrary to other dating books, How to Be Dateable isn’t a playbook of rules to follow or methods to hack your love life. But it will help you identify your dating strong suits and what’s getting in your way. To help personalize your experience and more closely identify which pieces of advice work best for you, Julie and Yue have developed a dating archetype quiz that sorts you into different dating Achiever, Dreamer, Energizer, Maverick, and Thinker.
With their dating archetype in mind, in Part 1 of How to Be Dateable you will first learn to identify common dating traps that keep modern daters in a perpetual cycle of The Expectation of Love On Demand, The Settling Paradox, The Validation Trap, and Relationship Chicken. After learning to recognize and avoid these traps, in Part 2, you start learning how to fall in love by Letting Go, Gaining Clarity, Showing Up, Investing Appropriately, and Persevering through it All. Within the book, there are case studies, personal anecdotes, exercises, and self-assuring mantras designed to help daters understand their core strengths and date on your terms.
Written with the knowledge of experts and the warmth of a wise best friend, How to Be Dateable will help you create a dating life filled with joy, fulfillment, extraordinary connections, and love.
336 pages, Hardcover
Published January 28, 2025
42 people are currently reading
264 people want to read
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 24 of 24 reviews
December 6, 2024
When I saw this book available for request, I was like - is this really gonna help me? In this dating climate? Anyway, I said why not, send it my way! I don’t read a lot of self-help books, but I was curious what their suggestions would be. Dating is so hard these days, especially in areas where people are so career driven (hello I’m right outside the nation’s capital, we are driving full speed). I’ve also been single for coming up on ten years and I know I’m a hottie so that’s not the problem! 😌
Anyway, I love that this started with a silly little quiz to tell me about my dating style, which is that I overthink. ✅✅✅ and how that plays into my approach to dating. I learned a lot about myself and my perspective/what I look for on dates. I planned to never download the apps again (a lie I tell myself quarterly), but I am interested in giving it a try. So I’m writing this review in December and will add to it when I have more data. Also my parents are trying to set me up with someone as we speak and I got their number - TBD!
Anyway, I love that this started with a silly little quiz to tell me about my dating style, which is that I overthink. ✅✅✅ and how that plays into my approach to dating. I learned a lot about myself and my perspective/what I look for on dates. I planned to never download the apps again (a lie I tell myself quarterly), but I am interested in giving it a try. So I’m writing this review in December and will add to it when I have more data. Also my parents are trying to set me up with someone as we speak and I got their number - TBD!
February 22, 2025
kind of a surprising read genre/categories wise because i tend to shield away from “self help”/“how to” books. but i am trying to heal the relationships in my life and (maybe) opening up to the idea of putting myself out there again, so i gave it a shot, and actually really enjoyed it.
felt like therapy honestly, and the questions posed in the book allowed me to ask questions about myself honestly. even though the title poses it as more towards dating relationships, i’ve been applying the same thought process to my relationships in general and to career areas too.
a very rationalized way of looking at dating. actually gives really good guidelines in how to think about it, the caveats we fall into, etc.
ie: standards v being picky; settling;
hehe when it talks about rejection, i feel like it is more talking about my relationship with med school apps lol (not being the right fit v not being good enough)
felt like therapy honestly, and the questions posed in the book allowed me to ask questions about myself honestly. even though the title poses it as more towards dating relationships, i’ve been applying the same thought process to my relationships in general and to career areas too.
a very rationalized way of looking at dating. actually gives really good guidelines in how to think about it, the caveats we fall into, etc.
ie: standards v being picky; settling;
hehe when it talks about rejection, i feel like it is more talking about my relationship with med school apps lol (not being the right fit v not being good enough)
March 27, 2025
The cover is great. The content is not particularly deep, but it is practical and captures the pitfalls of modern dating well.
May 1, 2025
5 stars⭐️
this was so insightful and informative!! i recommend this to anyone trying to navigate the dating world <3
this was so insightful and informative!! i recommend this to anyone trying to navigate the dating world <3
April 24, 2025
I AM dateable, dammit!
This book somehow held up a mirror to every insecurity and fear I’ve ever had when it comes to dating. We really are all going through it.
I took SO many notes. In comparison to How to Not Die Alone, I found this book much more relatable, practical, and grounded in personal growth. I’m actually coming out of this book with a real mindset shift and strategies to take into the dating game immediately.
This book somehow held up a mirror to every insecurity and fear I’ve ever had when it comes to dating. We really are all going through it.
I took SO many notes. In comparison to How to Not Die Alone, I found this book much more relatable, practical, and grounded in personal growth. I’m actually coming out of this book with a real mindset shift and strategies to take into the dating game immediately.
March 21, 2025
Admittedly, I was drawn by the cover of this book. It’s gotten good reviews and, while I appreciate some of the nuggets for self reflection (which frankly, could apply across all relationships, not just romantic ones), I found it rather drawn out throughout and particularly by the end.
May 25, 2025
This was the best book on dating I’ve ever read… then re-read…. Let me explain.
I received this book from Simon Element in exchange for my review on it. When I started it I was, or so I thought, happily married, so I struggled with trying to keep my mind open to how I was feeling about the writing as if I were single and really needed to have this information for myself. About halfway through my husband told me he wanted a divorce and he was done. With no prior knowledge or conversations with me about him ever being unhappy in our relationship. He always said his moods were due to his work environment, but never anything to do with me. Then my step son reveals his dad’s girlfriend to me because he was not happy about what his dad was doing to me and he didn’t want to keep his secret. So now I have this book that suddenly became relevant to me because I was now suddenly single! I wasn’t ready to date right away so I finished reading it one time, then went back and re-read it because now I really needed the information and realized this this book was an amazing place to start. I learned so much about myself from reading this book, and most importantly I learned how to start working on loving myself and how doing that first will be the key to leading me to the perfect relationship for me. This book kept me positive and kept reminding me that there’s nothing wrong with me, and assured me that my right guy was out there, and to just keep being myself and doing things that make me happy. I keep re-reading parts of this book constantly and feel like I’m now well equipped to begin dating again. The authors even made it seem fun! I hadn’t been on the dating scene for over 10 years so I was actually scared to do it again, but after reading this book I not only feel prepared, I feel invigorated that my next relationship will be even better because I now know how to pick the right guy for me and I will no longer settle, due to thinking that this I will be my last opportunity to meet someone. I now believe that’s not true, and I can be picky and have what I want, and now I can’t wait to get started.
I received this book from Simon Element in exchange for my review on it. When I started it I was, or so I thought, happily married, so I struggled with trying to keep my mind open to how I was feeling about the writing as if I were single and really needed to have this information for myself. About halfway through my husband told me he wanted a divorce and he was done. With no prior knowledge or conversations with me about him ever being unhappy in our relationship. He always said his moods were due to his work environment, but never anything to do with me. Then my step son reveals his dad’s girlfriend to me because he was not happy about what his dad was doing to me and he didn’t want to keep his secret. So now I have this book that suddenly became relevant to me because I was now suddenly single! I wasn’t ready to date right away so I finished reading it one time, then went back and re-read it because now I really needed the information and realized this this book was an amazing place to start. I learned so much about myself from reading this book, and most importantly I learned how to start working on loving myself and how doing that first will be the key to leading me to the perfect relationship for me. This book kept me positive and kept reminding me that there’s nothing wrong with me, and assured me that my right guy was out there, and to just keep being myself and doing things that make me happy. I keep re-reading parts of this book constantly and feel like I’m now well equipped to begin dating again. The authors even made it seem fun! I hadn’t been on the dating scene for over 10 years so I was actually scared to do it again, but after reading this book I not only feel prepared, I feel invigorated that my next relationship will be even better because I now know how to pick the right guy for me and I will no longer settle, due to thinking that this I will be my last opportunity to meet someone. I now believe that’s not true, and I can be picky and have what I want, and now I can’t wait to get started.
May 3, 2025
It might not help everyone…but at least it’s a good step forward…
How to Be Dateable: The Essential Guide to Finding Your Person and Falling in Love by Julie Krafchick and Yue Xu is a decent relationship help guide…or even some suggestions on if you are thinking about finding your someone…
I am not familiar with Dateable, the podcast the writers operate, but I found their insight (both their personal relationship experiences and the input of various experts and others on their show which are referenced throughout) to be pretty helpful and information.
The book Starts by identify five personality types and suggests which one you might be based on a checklist. It’s also practical to be a dual-type (I think I’m Dreamer/Thinker fyi).
The writers proceeds to break down a large number of areas why people may not pursue relationships, why they might stay in a relationship that is not good for them, and even provides how miscommunication can hamper our thinking (or how we misinterpret certain behavior or chatter).
The book DOES NOT talk down to you…so even if you’re a lonely heart like myself there’s some comfort in the fact that the writers acknowledge that even if you aren’t in a relationship, you probably have some satisfying love (specifically from family, friends, and pets) that you shouldn’t take for granted.
The book uses a number of interesting terms for different relationship and dating scenarios…all of which are collected in a glossary in the back.
I really enjoyed the numerous charts throughout…
How to Be Dateable: The Essential Guide to Finding Your Person and Falling in Love by Julie Krafchick and Yue Xu is a decent relationship help guide…or even some suggestions on if you are thinking about finding your someone…
I am not familiar with Dateable, the podcast the writers operate, but I found their insight (both their personal relationship experiences and the input of various experts and others on their show which are referenced throughout) to be pretty helpful and information.
The book Starts by identify five personality types and suggests which one you might be based on a checklist. It’s also practical to be a dual-type (I think I’m Dreamer/Thinker fyi).
The writers proceeds to break down a large number of areas why people may not pursue relationships, why they might stay in a relationship that is not good for them, and even provides how miscommunication can hamper our thinking (or how we misinterpret certain behavior or chatter).
The book DOES NOT talk down to you…so even if you’re a lonely heart like myself there’s some comfort in the fact that the writers acknowledge that even if you aren’t in a relationship, you probably have some satisfying love (specifically from family, friends, and pets) that you shouldn’t take for granted.
The book uses a number of interesting terms for different relationship and dating scenarios…all of which are collected in a glossary in the back.
I really enjoyed the numerous charts throughout…
September 4, 2025
I really enjoyed this book a lot and it will be something I will reference often.
It was very insightful and uplifting, but also makes you introspect about bad behaviors you might be doing and how to correct yourself.
More often than not, dating books are catered towards a female audience and this one leans in that direction, but I still found it very insightful nonetheless.
I also liked how the authors didn’t talk too much about themselves and their accreditations like other self-help books often do.
A few parts were a little too New-Agey for me, specifically about mediums and non-monogamous relationships. If I’m not mistaken, the book talks about a man whose wife is afflicted with cancer and he’s going out on dates with other women.
Apart from that, I think the book had generally good advice and would recommend it to anyone.
It was very insightful and uplifting, but also makes you introspect about bad behaviors you might be doing and how to correct yourself.
More often than not, dating books are catered towards a female audience and this one leans in that direction, but I still found it very insightful nonetheless.
I also liked how the authors didn’t talk too much about themselves and their accreditations like other self-help books often do.
A few parts were a little too New-Agey for me, specifically about mediums and non-monogamous relationships. If I’m not mistaken, the book talks about a man whose wife is afflicted with cancer and he’s going out on dates with other women.
Apart from that, I think the book had generally good advice and would recommend it to anyone.
June 13, 2025
I think what can make this book really useful is that when the reader will place what they have read into practice. Actually going out on dates and being present with the date so on and so forth. It has great information for the modern dater, I always felt that I should not text back right away to prevent in making myself appear desperate. But, with dating there shouldn't be these ridiculous rules that not everyone is aware of especially in this modern era. I would recommend this if you have been trying to date and nothing seems to be kicking off and you are just in the same constant repetitive routine. Though I did feel that I am struggling with being both a dreamer, and a thinker as my dating style.
This book is your cheerleader and gives good advice.
This book is your cheerleader and gives good advice.
February 25, 2025
I saw this on request and thought back and forth about requesting this but I'm glad that I did because, unlike other books, this is practical while also being compassionate.
I imagine it's never been easy to date but now more than ever it's a nightmare and most of us are on and off dating apps. I'm still reading this book slowly but I think it's making a difference in the way I see things. I may use this as a guide and come back to it because I'm sure I'll forget the things I've learnt.
This also is helping me understand myself better and hopefully, I'll get out of the dating traps I'm in soon and put myself out there.
Thanks to Netgalley and Simon Element for the e-copy!
I imagine it's never been easy to date but now more than ever it's a nightmare and most of us are on and off dating apps. I'm still reading this book slowly but I think it's making a difference in the way I see things. I may use this as a guide and come back to it because I'm sure I'll forget the things I've learnt.
This also is helping me understand myself better and hopefully, I'll get out of the dating traps I'm in soon and put myself out there.
Thanks to Netgalley and Simon Element for the e-copy!
July 9, 2025
Self-help as a genre tends to be... trash. It's even worse when the subject is dating/relationships. This is the rare gem that approaches it from a different, much more valuable angle. They don't waste anytime burying the lead - despite the title of the book, *you are already dateable*. The rest is just understanding how to cultivate and be confident in your authentic self, and how to recognize/avoid some common pitfalls. As a casual listener of the podcast, I listened to the audiobook which felt like a very natural extension of it - but instead of it being a "bonus episode", it felt like a strong summary of their many years of content.
January 11, 2025
Thanks to NetGalley and Simon Element for the advanced reader copy.
There are a lot of books about dating out there, most of which are very prescriptive and sometimes a bit condescending. It was refreshing to read HOW TO BE DATEABLE and get a realistic, thoughtful take on what it means to date in the age of dating apps and short attention spans. Both authors came across as relatable and there advice was realistic. This is definitely one to check out if you're jumping into (or are already in) the dating pool.
How to Be Dateable comes out on January 28, 2025
There are a lot of books about dating out there, most of which are very prescriptive and sometimes a bit condescending. It was refreshing to read HOW TO BE DATEABLE and get a realistic, thoughtful take on what it means to date in the age of dating apps and short attention spans. Both authors came across as relatable and there advice was realistic. This is definitely one to check out if you're jumping into (or are already in) the dating pool.
How to Be Dateable comes out on January 28, 2025
December 1, 2024
The single person's MUST-READ book for dating! I wish Julie and Yue had written this 20 years when I was on the dating scene. HOW TO BE DATEABLE offers up various dating archetypes and how they not only react to real-life dating scenarios but what has led them to make the decisions they make and how they can make changes to the way they date. This is a practical guide that ensures you prioritize yourself, dating for the right reasons and identifying quickly the potential partners that simply aren't a good fit. I enjoyed reading Julie's and Yue's corners and the Big Dateable Energy tips!
March 7, 2025
This is an excellent take on dating and relationships. Having been an avid listener of the podcast I was excited for this book. Whether you are new to dating or in a relationship, this book provides a number of practical and essential tips for relationships. Given their expertise, Julie and Yue draw on the thousands of interviews with experts and gives you key takeaways.
I highly recommend this book whether you have found your person or not yet.
I highly recommend this book whether you have found your person or not yet.
March 25, 2025
There are so many important relational skills this book; not all of them dating. I'd recommend this to anyone who wants a deeper connection.
It does an especially great job addressing the challenges of dating today. This was published in 2025, so it addresses many of the modern technologies and social processes we're up against!
It does an especially great job addressing the challenges of dating today. This was published in 2025, so it addresses many of the modern technologies and social processes we're up against!
June 23, 2025
Do I read and follow every single page/word in these self-help books? No
But I usually get 3 or 4 good takeaways that I can put to use in my life.
The format of this book is really well thought out and makes it really easy to 'follow along'. Its an enjoyable read with many tips that are logical and come from a POV that I lack.
But I usually get 3 or 4 good takeaways that I can put to use in my life.
The format of this book is really well thought out and makes it really easy to 'follow along'. Its an enjoyable read with many tips that are logical and come from a POV that I lack.
September 5, 2025
I thought the book started off strong - I liked the survey about finding out what kind of dater you are. However, it got boring towards the middle and end and I struggled to finish it. It sounded a bit too cheerleader and cliche at times with obvious advice, but I did have a couple good takeaways from it. I can't say I'd recommend this book to a friend, but I'm glad I read it.
January 30, 2025
I’m loving this book! Absolute must read for anyone navigating today’s modern, confusing AF dating world.
February 19, 2025
This book brought up some good perspectives and ideas when it comes to dating. Realized I’ve listened to their podcast before
March 23, 2025
Listened to the audiobook and I thought it would be cringe but it's absolutely not. It's heartfelt and some practical tips to approach dating with intention without making it dating an end all.
April 6, 2025
Not super memorable tbh
August 6, 2025
this is embarrassing to admit but I have to count it towards my yearly
August 14, 2025
This is a great book that will give you dating life that can ultimately help you find I can’t believe this was possible type of relationship you deserve.
Displaying 1 - 24 of 24 reviews