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Apprentice Foole
From 1987 to 1991 I wrote a humor column for my hometown newspaper. It was a lot of fun and I got a chance to get a lot of issues off my chest while learning the writing business. When the newspaper changed hands, the new owners decided to drop the column. I recently compiled all 188 columns into a book titled, Apprentice Foole. I'd had some personal contact with George Carlin and rememberd his album, Occupation: Foole. And since I considered myself his apprentice, the title choice was obvious. So, here for the first time is the complete collection. Enjoy.
331 pages, Kindle Edition
First published July 19, 2011
About the author
Bill Bernico
830 books10 followersAuthor of more than two hundred short stories including 154 stories featuring five generations of his Los Angeles detective family, The Coopers.
He lives on the shores of Lake Michigan, in Cleveland, Wisconsin with his wife, Kathie.
He lives on the shores of Lake Michigan, in Cleveland, Wisconsin with his wife, Kathie.
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January 5, 2014Sheboyganyuks
A miniature time capsule of snarks, sniggers, and slices of vintage 1990(ish) Sheboygan (often served with a refreshing glass of vitriol for Those In Charge), Apprentice Foole is an amusing collection of off-beat observations and (very) short stories in an easily digestible serving size of two to three pages apiece.
As with any collection there are hits, misses, a few dozen typos included free with your order (operators are standing by), and several tidbits of delectable wit.
For those of you who prefer the 'good parts version', I hereby include a list of my favorites (complete with their Kindle locations) for your convenience.
Debate whether murders or mohawks are the greater evil in “Clean-Cut Kids Ahead By A Hair”. (747)
Shudder slightly at scary (and possibly psychotic) second-hand scroungers in “What Does Having A Garage Sale Have To Do With A Funeral, Anyway?” (894)
Relive those twinges of grade-school envy with “You Can Always Spot The Rich Kid. He's The One With 64 Crayons.” (1356)
See Santa succumb to the ease of out-sourcing as “He's Making A List, Checking It Twice — And Grimacing.” (5789)
“Caution: Calling Cumbersome Kumquat Company Could Cause Confusion” (5551) is so reminiscent of the wretched customer service so many of us have endured that it should come with its own hold music.
Finally, if all you're looking for is something to pad your lunch break with, you simply must sample the best of the best with “Art's Parts For Tired, Aching Bodies” (2828), “Christmas Carol Has Off-Key Notes” (3878), and “If The New Dress Shoe Fits, Wear It--Then Try To Return It” (3103).
So join the author as he shares his Last Will and Testament with us, leaving his Lawrence Welk albums to Ozzy Osbourne (Sorry, Ozzy, but the Donny and Marie albums are going to Alice Cooper), entertains the idea that pedometers would make tipping waitresses so much easier, and (of course) referencing the Three Stooges whenever humanly possible.
A miniature time capsule of snarks, sniggers, and slices of vintage 1990(ish) Sheboygan (often served with a refreshing glass of vitriol for Those In Charge), Apprentice Foole is an amusing collection of off-beat observations and (very) short stories in an easily digestible serving size of two to three pages apiece.
As with any collection there are hits, misses, a few dozen typos included free with your order (operators are standing by), and several tidbits of delectable wit.
For those of you who prefer the 'good parts version', I hereby include a list of my favorites (complete with their Kindle locations) for your convenience.
Debate whether murders or mohawks are the greater evil in “Clean-Cut Kids Ahead By A Hair”. (747)
Shudder slightly at scary (and possibly psychotic) second-hand scroungers in “What Does Having A Garage Sale Have To Do With A Funeral, Anyway?” (894)
Relive those twinges of grade-school envy with “You Can Always Spot The Rich Kid. He's The One With 64 Crayons.” (1356)
See Santa succumb to the ease of out-sourcing as “He's Making A List, Checking It Twice — And Grimacing.” (5789)
“Caution: Calling Cumbersome Kumquat Company Could Cause Confusion” (5551) is so reminiscent of the wretched customer service so many of us have endured that it should come with its own hold music.
Finally, if all you're looking for is something to pad your lunch break with, you simply must sample the best of the best with “Art's Parts For Tired, Aching Bodies” (2828), “Christmas Carol Has Off-Key Notes” (3878), and “If The New Dress Shoe Fits, Wear It--Then Try To Return It” (3103).
So join the author as he shares his Last Will and Testament with us, leaving his Lawrence Welk albums to Ozzy Osbourne (Sorry, Ozzy, but the Donny and Marie albums are going to Alice Cooper), entertains the idea that pedometers would make tipping waitresses so much easier, and (of course) referencing the Three Stooges whenever humanly possible.
Displaying 1 of 1 review