Only Dead on the Inside: A Parent's Guide to Surviving the Zombie Apocalypse

by James Breakwell

It's not easy being a parent these days. There are bills to pay. Kids to feed. And hordes of undead monsters to keep at bay.

There are plenty of guides out there about how to survive the zombie apocalypse. All of them assume readers are young, fit, and unencumbered by children. In that scenario, the only living humans left will be smug, outdoorsy Millennials. That's hell on earth, even without the zombies.

Only Dead on the Inside is the answer for the rest of us.

Written by professional comedy writer and amateur father-of-four James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn), Only Dead on the Inside blends traditional parenting advice with zombie survival tips, bringing together two totally unrelated genres in a book no one asked for but everyone needs.

This step-by-step manual teaches you how to raise happy, healthy children in a world overrun by the undead. Motivated moms and dads want it all, and that won't change at the end of the world. There's no reason you can't be a zombie killing machine AND parent of the year, but you have to work for it.

If you want to make sure your family is apocalypse-ready, Only Dead on the Inside is your best--and only--chance at survival. No pressure, but if you don't read this book, your children will die.

Genres: Humor, Nonfiction, Parenting, Zombies, Audiobook, Horror, Comedy

5 pages, Audiobook

First published October 10, 2017

About the author

James Breakwell is a professional comedy writer and amateur father of four girls, ages eight and under. He is best known for his family humor Twitter account @XplodingUnicorn, which boasts more than a million followers. The account went viral In April 2016 and transformed James from a niche comedy writer into one of the most popular dad brands on social media.

Since becoming internet famous, James has been profiled by USA Today, US Weekly, The Daily Mail, Metro, The Telegraph, Cosmopolitan, Better Homes and Gardens, Buzzfeed, Huffington Post, Upworthy, The Chive, Bored Panda, 9gag, College Humor, various ABC and Fox TV news affiliates, and countless other TV, radio, and internet outlets. Pictures of his smiling girls have been displayed in newspapers as far away as India. His articles have appeared in Reader’s Digest, The Federalist, and AskMen. He writes a bi-monthly newspaper column for the IndyStar and has been a guest multiple times on HLN’s The Daily Share.

Closer Magazine named James its 2016 Blogger Dad of the Year. In 2017, he was a finalist for a Shorty Award in the parenting category.

James writes more than just family jokes. His Star Wars parody account @VeryLonelyLuke went viral in December 2015 and now has nearly 350,000 followers. Combined with James’ verified Facebook page, Instagram account, and other various comedy Twitter accounts, James has a total reach of more than 1.5 million followers. He also also reaches thousands of daily readers through his three webcomics, Unbelievably Bad, Unfridgeworthy, and Wombat Dojo.

James’ debut book, Only Dead on the Inside: A Parent’s Guide for Surviving the Zombie Apocalypse, released in October 2017. The parenting book/zombie survival guide mashup is currently available in U.S. and UK markets and is slated to be translated into French and Korean. His second book, Bare Minimum Parenting: The Ultimate Guide to Not Quite Ruining Your Child, is scheduled for release November 6, 2018.

James is represented by Mark Gottlieb of Trident Media Group. He is open to advertising and writing inquiries.

Reviews

[Shelby *trains flying monkeys* · Rating 2 out of 5]

The "Before you get your panties in a twit disclaimer."
I heart some James Breakwell. I don't follow him on the Twatter because I ain't got time to figure that stuff out, but I do stalk him on Facebook.
And the guy is funny as heck.


and classy.



When I saw that he was putting out a book I immediately peed my pants. Then began to wonder if he would take the tried method of many bloggers that put out a book and just recycle his already pubbed works. Mads props to him though, he went his on way.
And it's not horrible. I LOL'd at a couple of passages. (I'd post them but I'm tired and I got an advanced copy that they would surely change just because I liked the passage.)

I just didn't find anything great.
It's mostly thinking about the zombie apocalypse (something my kid does about every day so I could be on overkill.)
Breakwell gives tips to keep you and your family sorta safe from becoming one of the living dead.

Because it would suck taking your kid out in public and they want to do the bitey on everyone.


Unless of course it was Kelly's kid.


Her kid would totally suck turtles. I'd explain that whole little bit but like I said I'm tired and started working nights so shit..I might be one of the undead that Breakwell warns us about.

Or I could just be a hateful old woman who doesn't really care if the brats turn into quiet little brain eaters. I would kick back and drink some beer and go to the bathroom by myself.


I didn't hate it..but didn't love it. I will continue my stalk fest of him on Facebook though. Until that restraining order kicks in.

Booksource: Netgalley in exchange for review.

[Trish · Rating 4 out of 5]

I stumbled upon this a few days ago. The author is "a professional comedy writer and amateur father of four girls". After discovering the book, I googled him, found his Twitter account and could barely stop myself from spending actual hours reading about this man's family life. Seriously, the conversations parents apparently have with kids the age of 2-8 are HILARIOUS and James Breakwell doesn't seem to have a problem with sharing those any more than with sharing what other people might consider epic parenting fails. He's unapologetic and goofy (just like his kids and - judging by the fact that she married him, didn't divorce him and even is on his Twitter profile pic - his wife as well) and it's a delight.

As a huge fan of zombie stories, apocalyptic/post-apocalyptic stuff and most comedy programs, I had to read this and I wasn't disappointed. The book consists of 12 chapters full of hilarious advice nobody needs but which actually makes sense in a tragic way. *lol* From comments about participation awards, children's apparent inability to do even what is necessary for their own survival - let alone that of loved ones - right down to the dry comments on his geekiness by the author's wife, there is a little bit of everything in here.
Like his guide to what you best use as a replacement for a severed hand

or the best vehicle to ever posess, but even more so during the zombie apocalypse

And, of course, it just emphasizes that we don't need actual zombies roaming the Earth because raising children can feel exactly like an episode of TWD on any given day. :D

I loved this book very much because it is full of sarcasm and a very dry sense of humour. James Breakwell actually seems to have thought this through (yes, I've made the odd plans for the zombie apocalypse in the past as well, don't judge) and it's a very special and hilarious take on this topic. A light and very enjoyable read.

For anyone interested, the author's Twitter account is XplodingUnicorn - have fun laughing so hard that you need an oxygen mask.

[Sarah TheAromaofBooks · Rating 4 out of 5]

Here's the thing, I really don't like zombie stuff; I think it's stupid at best and disgusting at worst.  I'm also not a parent.  But I do follow James Breakwell on Twitter, and he consistently makes me giggle basically every day.  So when he said he was publishing a book, I felt like the least I could do was pay him $12 because even if the book was terrible, well, there are all those times he's made me laugh without charging me a cent.

However, I needn't have worried, because Only Dead on the Inside was actually quite funny.  It's also full of poorly-drawn cartoons and lots of graphs and flowcharts, so there was plenty to keep me reading.  While the advice is generally ridiculous, the book itself is unique and entertaining.  And THEN I got to the chapter on minivans, and even if the entire rest of the book had been terrible, it all would have been worth it for that chapter.  Driving a van is kind of like joining a special club.  People who don't drive vans just don't get it.

If you're a non-minivan driver, right now you're shaking your head in confusion.  "But I test-drove a minivan once," you say to yourself.  "It wasn't that great."  Wrong.  YOU weren't that great.  The wand chooses the wizard, Harry.  If you drove a minivan and you didn't enjoy it, you were not worthy.  You didn't reject the minivan.  The minivan rejected you.  Have fun being a muggle.

Guys, I basically want to to quote the entire chapter to you.  I just reread it while looking for the perfect quote.  This chapter spoke to me.  Deeply.

My advice?  Check out Breakwell's Twitter account.  If it makes you tilt your head in confusion, don't bother with this book.  But if you find yourself quietly snorting in laughter multiple times, you should definitely give this book a go, even if, like me, you don't have kids or any interest in zombies.  

[Mkittysamom · Rating 5 out of 5]

**First I have to tell you I got this from Netgalley in exchange for a review.**
Next I want to tell you.. I HAVE NEVER IN MY LIFE LAUGHED SO MUCH WHILE READING A BOOK THAT IS MARKETED IN THE HUMOR, ZOMBIE, OR PARENTING GENRE!!! This book is a big ray of sunshine!! Someone actually gets the real day today grind of parenting! The ups the downs, the laughs.. just everything!! I cannot gush enough about James Breakwell's unique sense of humor! He is a genius and a fresh new voice in a saturated zombie guide survival mishmash.

An Intro from the Author: "HOW THIS BOOK WORKS This book guides parents through the unique child-rearing challenges of the zombie apocalypse. If you don’t believe in zombies, you might still find this book entertaining. It’ll help you pass the time until the undead eat you."

In my opinion: A Parents Guide.. is loaded with comics, chapters about survival, parenting, unconventional ideas about the zombie apocalypse and more! For example: using umbrella strollers as weapons against the undead. Never thought about that before!!

Strolling For Trouble Chapter 8 Parents have many weapons at their disposal, but only one has the power to destroy anyone or anything in its path. A soldier has a rifle. A Jedi has a lightsaber. A parent has an umbrella stroller. Make no mistake: This is a weapon disguised as transportation. If you have a child young enough to ride in one, consider yourself lucky. You’ll always be armed and ready to defend your family.

His book includes everything a parent could ever wonder about in the horrifying event of zombies manifesting on earth or even if zombies felt inclined to jump out of the bushes in attack of a meal... (James advises us to just hack down all bushes and shrubs so we won't get a surprise attack! Also to always be on the lookout, because you just never know. Also look out the window or walk out on the patio, like I do, to test the weather.. might as well also check for zombies!) I agree it is better as a parent to be prepared because with the all the crazy news stories, and all the research being done (with or without or knowledge ::wink-wink::). I feel that even though his guide is meant to be humorous, it does make a lot of good points on how to survive! I truly do get afraid the world might be coming to an end in my lifetime. Strange things happen! I don't know about anyone else, but I can't tell the future..and maybe that is why I love Sci Fi and Dystopian titles so much ☺️! So practical advice with humor and understanding.. relatable to parents of all kinds.

James describes family units that have survived in the apocalypse as anyone: " That can include any combination of moms, dads, stepparents, grandparents, sketchy people met on the road, wolves that find and raise babies, balls with bloody handprints on them, and talking smartphone interfaces. I envy anyone who gets to co-parent with Siri."

I laughed so hard when I read that!!

James Breakwells website ( if you click on the menu he also writes webcomics!!) and THE BOOK Only The Dead On The Inside

He is also on twitter XplodingUnicorn
The Publisher: BenbellaBooks

via GIPHY

[Marjolein (UrlPhantomhive) · Rating 4 out of 5]

Read all my reviews on http://urlphantomhive.booklikes.com

Disclaimer: I'm not a parent and I've been reading this book to make sure I can take any advantage necessary should the zombie-apocalypse arrive.

Which is exactly why I can't share any of it with you. ;)

Only Dead on the Inside takes a funny turn from your usual survival guides, adding in a lot of sections on children, while mainly complaining about them but in a funny way. However, there even seemed to be some sound advice in there. I was unaware of the author's twitter (@xplodingunicorn) but it is a nice one to follow.

Thanks to the publisher and Netgalley for providing me with a free book in exchange for an honest review!

[Bettie Campbell · Rating 5 out of 5]

It is funny. It even made me laugh audibly at some points. My husband came home at the very end and now he has an even better "let's get a minivan" argument. We still aren't getting a minivan. The umbrella stroller will just have to be enough to save us. In a world saturated with zombie books and adaptions, this book has relevance. The author touches on a subject largely glossed over. What do you do when you have a whiney four year old and your neighbors want to eat you? If you aren't a parent-- you won't get it. You will understand the words but the humor will largely be lost on you & so will the sarcasm. It's about a 3 1/2 hour read so even if you are unsure give it a go.

[☘Tara Sheehan☘ · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a parent I absolutely loved this book and will cherish its wisdom in the event of a zombie crisis so I can keep my kids safe, lol. I plan to stock up on legos and jacks to sprinkle around the floor so they really can be used as a defense mechanism but I draw the line at getting a minivan. I have REFUSED for years to be a Minivan Mom, I’ll stick to my SUV.

It really is very tongue in cheek while providing survival tips but it somehow still came off as a good parenting book which I didn’t expect. I laughed so hard I had to stop snacking on the Pringles I was eating while reading this because I choked at one point and felt like I cut my throat on a damn chip!

I think this should be the Must Buy gift this Christmas season for all the parents you know.

[Alice Teets · Rating 4 out of 5]

Hilarious tongue-in-cheek guide to surviving the zombie apocalypse while attempting to raise the hope for the future. This made me laugh out loud because as a mom I could see all of this happening! Fans of The Walking Dead and Family Circus will love this.

I was given this book by the publisher and Netgalley in exchange for an honest review.

[Eustacia Tan · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you don't follow James Breakwell on Twitter, you should go do so. He's hilarious and I really love reading his tweets - I don't go on twitter often so I kinda "binge read" when I'm there which is often. So when I saw that he had a book on NetGalley I immediately requested it and put it on the front of my TBR list.

And luckily, it lived up to expectations!

I mean, a book is a lot longer than 140 characters. I wouldn't have been surprised if it ran out of steam halfway. But Breakwell did an excellent job of pacing the jokes and I laughed during every chapter.

Written in a pseudo-serious tone, Only Dead on the Inside is a handbook to help parents survive a zombie attack while keeping their kids alive. Illustrated with very crudely drawn Microsoft Paint-style comics (the comics were probably the weakest point of the book but I laughed at quite a few of them so it's not like they are complete failures), topics include:

- How to convince your kids to hide

- Food during a zombie apocalypse

- Why minivans are awesome (and what else you can use as a weapon against zombies)

- Why a zombie apocalypse means you never have to clean your house

- And what to do if you need to amputate your arm.

I would definitely recommend this to everyone and I would pick up a copy if I ever found it in a bookshop. It's funny and I really enjoyed reading it. If you've had experiences with kids (and everyone has, since you either were one or know one), you'll probably enjoy this. And his Twitter account. You should definitely check that out!

Disclaimer: I got a free copy of this book from the publisher via NetGalley in exchange for a free and honest review.

This review was first posted at Inside the mind of a Bibliophile

[A Book Lover's Emporium Book Blog · Rating 5 out of 5]

Only Dead on the Inside is a hilarious guide for parents on how to keep your kids and yourself alive during the Zombie Apocalypse. It's a light, fun read that any parent will find relatable.

The book is quick paced and filled with charts and comic strips to illustrate pointers on survival. They kept my attention and interest as well as giving me a good laugh. The idea of umbrella strollers as weapons really cracked me up!

This is James Breakwell's debut book, and it was fabulous! For a daily dose of his humor, you can follow him on Twitter like I do; Twitter was never so amusing!

[Jamie · Rating 3 out of 5]

Alright so as a book, this might have been 4 stars. Sadly, I got this as an audiobook and it was no good. At least to me. I liked some of the humor in itself, but I feel like the presentation was lacking. It felt too dry, often like he was trying too hard. I did smile a couple of times but not one laugh. Nothing was amusing enough and I really wanted to laugh!
This almost got 2 stars from me when I finished it. But then, on Amazon, I saw a sample of the actual book. The panels that you don't get in the audio. And I read it in my own style. Much better. Not great but better. Still not impressive but better. So if you read this, get the actual book. There is more there and I have a feeling those may contain the best parts!

[Victoria Spicer-Stuart · Rating 4 out of 5]

*Thanks to NetGalley and BenBella Books for providing this ARC in exchange for an honest review.* Fans of James Breakwell will be familiar with his quirky take on fatherhood from his regular tweets as @XplodingUnicorn. Breakwell is a husband, father of four daughters and a pig. 'Only Dead on the Inside' is, I believe, his first venture into the world of book publishing. Ostensibly, Only Dead is a how-to guide for parents wishing to survive the eminent zombie apocalypse. The novel, like Breakwell's tweets are a mix of humour, original cartoons and a fair sprinkling of truth. To give you an idea, chapter titles include 'Kamikaze Kids' and 'Hide and Go Weep', to give one and idea of the content. Breakwell's guide, whilst on the outside masquerades as a zombie survival guide, it actually has a lot more insight to offer about the world of parenting, rather than the undead. I am not usually a fan of post-apocalyptic novels, but this work of non-fiction and humour certainly grabbed my attention. A quick and enjoyable read.

[Leissa Kimball · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was full of fun, funny, yet realistic survival advice. "Fields will turn into giant, unkempt yards full of tall grasses, weeds, and hidden zombies. Avoid these at all costs. They’re the perfect place to lose a child or a Frisbee." Great for those who believe the zombie apocalypse may happen some day, but funny enough for anyone who has ever known a child to understand. I highly recommend this book!

[Mary McFarlane · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was actually pretty good. When I first preordered this book it was when I just had heard about James Breakwell and I was all about his kids and tweets and while yes I do still read them daily I was a little worried about a whole book. Reading this I could hear his voice like he was reading it to me and that just made it better. I laughed out loud on my lunch break reading this and I would have finished it earlier but Thursday night football was on. I'm very glad I read this book

[Kelly · Rating 4 out of 5]

Breakwell, known as @xplodingunicorn​ on both Tumblr and Twitter (and other social media sites), is the father of 4 adorably devious children. I love reading his tweets about his kids, so I was pretty excited to read his book about parenting during the zombie apocalypse. It’s a mix of humorous and practical (and sometimes not-so-practical) advice, and a refreshing take on the typical zombie-survival-guide book.

I appreciated the comparison charts with pros and cons for certain categories such as: where to stash your child in the event you have to fight off zombies, best vehicle/transportation to have, weapon to use in case you need to amputate an infected body part... the comparison charts were definitely my favorite part!

Note: This e-ARC was provided by the publisher in exchange for an honest review. All thoughts and opinions are my own. But thank you BenBella Books!!!
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[Jennifer · Rating 4 out of 5]

I love reading James Breakwell's tweets. When I found out he was writing a book, I couldn't wait to get my hands on it. Thanks to NetGalley, I didn't have to wait long. Zombies have become the in thing, which I find a little weird, but, pair that with incredible humor, and suddenly I'm okay with the whole zombie thing.

This isn't your normal zombie book. There's a twist. How do you survive the zombie apocalypse when you have kids that you should really try to keep alive. Suddenly, all the things you have to deal with as a parent become tools to help you survive one more day.

The only people that wouldn't like this book are zombies, people that want to become zombies, and people with absolutely no sense of humor. Even if you have a small sense of humor, you will find something enjoyable about this book.

As a side note, I'm now going to stock up on diapers and umbrella strollers.

[Nate Morse · Rating 4 out of 5]

Advance Review Copy.

Pretty funny book about how us parents can use our skills to survive the zombie apocalypse in spite of our kids. Comes with helpful tips such as using kids toys scattered about the floor as a zombie intruder defense and a passionate argument for why the Minivan is the ultimate survival vehicle.

This is geared toward parents with elementary school aged kids, but would probably make a good gift for a new dad who is a fan of The Walking Dead.

Only downside I had was formatting for e-readers made all the graphs messed up and the comics non-existent. Probably won't be an issue for actual release of book if it goes digital.

[Figgy]

Review to come.

I have long loved this man's twitter feed, and anything about zombies is a sure win for me. And, to be sure, this does bring that sense of humour to the idea of raising children while surrounded by zombies.

There were quite a few laugh out loud moments, and things with which people who have or work with kids will be able to relate. But the seesaw between being entirely spoofy and offering potentially real advice was at times a little hard to balance, and while I loved the first two-thirds to three-quarters, a little of the charm did wear of thereafter.

[JG · Rating 4 out of 5]

I follow the author on twitter and I find his day to day experience with child rearing quite funny. This book is an extension of that although it does take a bit of imagination to equate zombie attacks and raising his children. Still, it was funny enough that it's worthwhile entertaining read. Fans will definitely like it!

*ARC provided thru NetGalley&

[Emi Yoshida · Rating 1 out of 5]

I picked this book to read even though I have no interest whatsoever in Zombie Apocalypse, because I think the author James Breakwell is hilarious on the intertubes. I can't disparage anything Zombie Apocalypse because I knew by the title that that's what this book was going to be about, and I chose to read it anyways. So I will say it is quite an accomplishment to have filled an entire book about parenting around a Zombie Apocalypse; it must have required a great investment of time, thought and energy. Basically if you like Zombie Apocalypse, and reading many many jokes about not liking vegetables, and houses and children not being clean, and family members not liking each other - then this is the satirical parenting book for you.

[Davianna · Rating 5 out of 5]

FTC DISCLAIMER: I RECEIVED THIS BOOK IN EXCHANGE FOR AN HONEST REVIEW

Hilarious and witty! Although I'm not a parent myself, I found James's point of view on kids downright hilarious (and kind of true). I never thought I'd read a book about zombies AND parenting and I am not disappointed. I loved his pro/cons lists as well as his "diaper cash" theory. I recommend this book for parents and not-parents who love the walking dead and zombies in general. There's literally nothing to hate in this humorous guide to parenting in the zombie apocalypse. 5 Stars!

[Panda Incognito · Rating 4 out of 5]

Usually, when Internet sensations publish books, everyone sighs and mumbles about how these stars were better suited to their original medium. This is not the case with James Breakwell, otherwise known as Exploding Unicorn. His tweets about everyday interactions with his wife and children are terrific, but this book shows how much the brevity of social media curtails this man's humor. Like his tweets, this book is laugh-out-loud funny, but even more so, because there's space for comedy to build.

Breakwell is an excellent writer, which shouldn't be surprising, given his occasional online punchlines about being an English major. His sarcasm works even better in longer form, and I love the excellent phrasing, breadth of vocabulary, and vivid descriptions in this work. Also, even though it could stand on its verbal humor alone, this book is also packed with graphs, comics that look like they were made in Paint, lists of dos-and-dont's, and flow charts about decision-making in the zombie apocalypse. This book is truly a thing of beauty and a joy forever.

However, I admit that when I first learned about this book, I was dubious. I don't like zombies, and it was hard to imagine that any writer could produce a whole book based on the concept of parents and kids trying to survive the zombie apocalypse. (Well, as the book points out, the kids usually don't even try.) Anyway, I was wrong. This isn't a collection of gags collected under a tenuous premise. It's a carefully imagined labor of love that takes into account what every aspect of parenting would be like if the modern world crunched to a halt and your undead friends and neighbors roamed the streets. Grocery shopping (aka looting)? Housekeeping? Dinner prep? Discipline? It's all covered. If the zombie apocalypse ever hits, some of this advice would actually be useful.

[Megan (ReadingRover) · Rating 3 out of 5]

Witty and funny but got a bit repetitive after a bit. Audiobook was amusing. Might have been more fun to read in print because of the charts and illustrations.

[Selena Beckman-Harned · Rating 3 out of 5]

My favorite chapter is using an umbrella stroller to beat up zombies.

[Jon Nikrich · Rating 4 out of 5]

I laughed a lot, and really loudly, and somewhat embarrassingly, on public transit. I recommend the book. I don't recommend laughing loudly on public transit.

[TienvoorNegen · Rating 2 out of 5]

... when will I stop buying books that are supposed to be funny?
I don't like writers who want to be (too) funny..

[Shanti · Rating 2 out of 5]

This was mildly entertaining, but generally had a feeling of trying to hard. Like his twitter, the writing is often chopping, lacking the transitions which make good writing flow. It works on twitter, but it doesn't work in a book. And I just don't care about twitter. This was an okay way to sped some time, and it's not like I resent it, but still not that interesting or clever, alas.

[Ravenclaw251 · Rating 4 out of 5]

So.. I have no kids. I'm not really the biggest zombie fan, either. So... WHY am I reading a Parent's Guide to Surviving the Zombie Apocalypse? Well, James Breakwell is hilarious. I like his page on Facebook and am usually cracking up at his sarcasm, or that of this female dominated home. A sassy wife & 4 little girls that are going that same way. This book made me laugh, and I didn't have to relate it at all for this to happen.

Thank you to NetGalley for my ARC.

[Erikka · Rating 3 out of 5]

I love Exploding Unicorn and his amazing adventures with his four daughters that he chronicles on Twitter (@xplodingunicorn). I also love joke zombie survival guides. That being said, as a non-parent some of the jokes fell flat for me and I feel this tried to carry the joke too far. This might have been better as a graphic novel in the style of The Oatmeal or a series of web-based content like blogs or web comics. The novel format wasn't the right way to go.

[Joshua Johnson · Rating 3 out of 5]

The premise of this book was very good. I've read a couple of dystopian futuristic survival guides. Only Dead Inside brings a new take in the form of parenting advice. The comedy stems mainly from cynical quips about current parenting struggles and comparing them to how much harder it will be when you also have to run hordes of the undead. Overall and interesting book guaranteed to bring a few laughs if you enjoy dry sarcastic wit.